I made a virtual bubble wrap to keep you all busy during quarantine. There might be some irregular bubbles, but that is normal.

>!pop!< >!pop!< >!pop!< >!pop!< >!pop!< >!pop!< >!pop!< >!Nev!< >!er !< >!Gon!< >!na !< >!Giv!< >!ve !< >!You!< >!Up,!< >!Nev!< >!er !< >!Gon!< >!na !< >!Let!< >!You!< >...

Two electrons were following quantum physics principles, as usual, while exchanging virtual protons to conduct an electric current

One electron said to the other, "This quantum trading stuff sounds like imaginary nonsense; if I can carry meaningful information faster than the speed of light, then I will."

The remaining electron watched his former partner depart into the nether, sighed, then said to his collar microphone,...

2020 was a good year, I did virtually everything!

Sorry, I meant, I did everything virtually.

I asked my friend, “Hey, did you read that article about a social media platform that has some very toxic people, very questionable virtual communities, and people that come together to do amazing things?”

He replies: “Yeah, I Reddit.”

What virtual private network is most popular in Skyrim?

NordVPN

Virtual Bubble Wrap Time!!! Again. Don’t say in the comments, let people find hidden message on their own ;)

>!pop!< >!pop!< >!pop!< >!pop!< >!pop!< >!pop!< >!pop!< >!pop!< >!pop!< >!pop!< >!pop!< >!pop!< >!pop!< >!pop!< >!pop!< >!pop!< >!pop!< >!pop!< >!pop!< >!pop!< >!pop!< >!p...

(thought of this on the bus) What's it called when a lawyer hides his virtual services from new clients?

E-legal concealment

*rimshot*

Virtually every Harry Potter character can teach us a lesson.

For example, Barty Crouch Jr. taught us that drinking can make you Moody.

What does a redditor eat at their virtual bday party?

A byte of cake

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a brand new Baby Yoda buttplug?

A **Toy Yoda Pre-Ass.**

I came up with this in a hot parking lot and it just stuck in my brain.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There once was a wasp that lived in a jungle.

This was not your ordinary wasp though; he was smart, philosophical even. One day he finally got fed up with his repetitive, insignificant life and decided that he would leave his hive, his family, his entire close-knit wasp community and he would go out into the world and make something of himself,...

I had this crazy dream where I was virtually weightless...

I was like 0mg

Biden should do the virtual debate without Trump present. He can say the same stuff he's been saying for years and trump can say what he's been saying for the last 4.

Nothing

Parents should be cautious about having there kids do virtual learning...

The internet has a lot of PDF files.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The porn industry introduces its own virtual currency.

Clitcoin.

Trump decided not to attend the second virtual Presidential debate

I guess that makes it forBiden

A couple go to a hospital to deliver their baby

Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the baby's father. He was asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it.

The doctor set the pain transfer to 10% for starters, exp...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Husband goes to a police station, says ‘My wife is missing!’

Husband goes to a police station...
“My wife is missing! She went out yesterday and has not come home...”

Sergeant at Police Station:
“What is her height?”

Husband:
“Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall

Sergeant:
“Weight?”

Husband:
“Don't know. N...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Do you have an email address?

An unemployed man is desperate to support his family of a wife and three kids. He applies for a janitor's job at a large firm and easily passes an aptitude test.

The human resources manager tells him, "You will be hired at minimum wage of $5.35 an hour. Let me have your e-mail address so that...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There has been lots of skepticism on whether advertised Penis Enlargement methods actually work. However recent studies proved that "virtual" Penis Enlargement (VPE) does work.

Your penis doesn't actual grow in size, but appears larger to your partner. The most effective VPE, was shown to be Money.

There were two odd conferences at the same hotel at the same time. One was for camping, the other was for aquatic mammals. They were essentially, more or less, basically, virtually...

...for all in tents and porpoises

What do you call a virtual assistant that can't spell?

Dislexa

Why do I not have a virtual pet?

They take a mega-bite of your computer.

During this period of the pandemic, a group of extraordinarily thin people came together to form a band.

It was a massive success. They were the best in their fields. The violin, oh so melodious! The synth on point everytime. The acoustics, superb.

One time they were offered to perform a virtual concert. All the tickets sold out.

But when the time came for them to perform, they couldn't c...

[OC] Why aren’t pirates into virtual reality?

They prefer AR.

(I’ll show myself out.)

This year’s Tease & Denial Convention will be held virtually

Attendees will be told not to come

I was browsing r/Jokes last night and my girlfriend told me that she doesn't know why I bother trying to make people laugh on the internet for useless virtual points and that the only joke I have is in my underwear. So here goes:

"Marks and Spencer, Medium 33-35 inch waist, 90% cotton, 10% elastene, Made in China, Part of a 2 part set"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I finally decided to set up my VR device and watch some virtual porn.

Just as I was starting to enjoy it, my mom came in! I threw the headset off and tried to pretend nothing happened...

She'll be home any minute.

What do you call a virtual get together with alcohol?

An airbyob

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So I've decided to take 2 of my loves and smash them together. The Beastie Boys and Virtual Reality...

You'll be able to experience some of the illest rhymes in VR!

And I'll call it Beastiality!!!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bragging Doctors

Doc 1 bragged, "I had a patient once who blew out his ACL & MCL. I reconstructed his knee, and 2 years later he completed the Boston marathon."

Doc 2 replied, "That's nothing! I had a patient who was in a head-on collision with a truck. I reconstructed virtually all of his joints and more...

Why did the NRA file for bankruptcy?

Because classes are being taught virtually

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"Oh, no!" he gasped as he surveyed the disaster before him.

Never in his 40 years of life had he seen anything like it. How anyone could have survived he did not know. He could only hope that somewhere amid the overwhelming destruction he would find his 12-year-old son. Only the slim hope of finding Danny kept him from turning and fleeing the scene.

...

I outbid all the other guys for my online virtual girlfriend.

Now she's my eBae.

A New Strain Spreading Faster Than COVID

Scientists have discovered a powerful new strain of fact-resistant humans who are threatening the ability of Earth to sustain life, a sobering new study reports.

Scientists warn that a virulent strain of humans are virtually immune to any form of verifiable knowledge, leaving researchers at a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Apple is releasing a new Virtual-reality headset specifically for VR porn.

They are calling it:The iFap

Encouraging a sick relative

The pandemic swept over the land and finally affected this one small town and one family in particular. Little Billy's beloved grandfather fell sick and had to be taken to the hospital. The family checked in with him virtually several times a week, and Billy's mother coached him on what to say duri...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Do you have any to speak of?

So, there was once a man named Frank who lived in South Florida, and his life was virtually ideal. He had a beautiful wife and two kids, lived in a very nice home on the intracoastal waterway, and had a very successful yacht sales business. However, he had one problem that had plagued him his whole ...

I experienced a virtual rollercoaster while eating an apple.

Shook me to the core.

A disappointed salesman of Coca Cola returns from his Middle East assignment.

A friend asked, "Why weren't you successful with the Arabs?"
The salesman explained, "When I got posted in the Middle East, I was very confident that I will makes a good sales pitch as Cola is virtually unknown there. But, I had a problem I didn't know to speak Arabic. So, I planned to convey the...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Steve was always bragging about how he knew virtually any famous person you could name.

One day, his co-worker Ben got sick of him and said "Oh yeah?! Prove it!" to which Steve calmly replied: "Okay, wanna come with me to visit Justin Timberlake tomorrow?" Ben agreed, if only because Steve was paying for both of their tickets to Los Angeles. The next day, Ben remained skeptical all the...

A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer are interviewing for a cryptanlyst position. To understand how they approach a problem, the interviewer asks each of them to solve one plus one.

The mathematician responds first, and says, "It is trivial to prove that a unique solution exists." The physicist goes next, and says "The answer will virtually always lie between 1.99 and 2.01." And finally, engineer says, "It looks to be about two, but let's play it safe and call it three."

My birthday was so beautiful

Even the cake was in Tiers





Obligatory cake day post :)

Hope you enjoy it.

I hope everyone is doing well during these tough times. Even if you’re not, that is completely understandable and valid. Just know, that I may not know you, but I am supporting you. Sendi...

Did you hear about VR for Cows?

In Russia they are using Virtual reality to enhance cows moods and increase milk production. On theose cold dreary days the put the VR headset on them and show them summer pastures.

You could say it is a mooood enhancer!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear they had to shutdown Japan's first virtual reality porn exhibition?

Too many people came.

I have a friend who got severe burns on his hands, to the point that he is virtually senseless.

I feel for him.

What's the difference between a virtual car and a real one?

You can't steal a real car a few bits at a time

I used to have a virtual girlfriend...

But she ransomware.

Now I WannaCry.

A young boy and his father are watching the news...

President Trump comes on to address his Covid-19 situation starting with the upcoming debate. "They are trying to make the debates virtual because they think I am contagious! I'm not contagious! I am a perfect physical specimen! I can't be contagious. I have great genes! I am not contagious, believe...

Ive seen this place, filled with hills and green grass, people party and eat and just chill out. They live for hundreds of years in peace. Virtually no crime. sunshine most days, nice families, quaint neighbourhood...

anyone else notice there are no black hobbits in the shire?

Still my favorite joke I ever made up :)

A monocle walks into a bar. After a few drinks he starts to feel pretty good (and a little uncoordinated). He reaches for a cigarette, but the bartender stops him. "Sorry, buddy, but due to city ordinances we don't allow smoking in here. You'll have to step outside to smoke."

So the monocle h...

The best computers are made in America

They have virtually no troubleshooting.

The office servers and network were suddenly incredibly slow...

Emails and messages weren’t been sent out and requests to access shared drives were timing out. Virtual meetings were coming to a standstill. It was serious.

The IT dept revved into action and started diagnosing everything - from the cables to the servers themselves to electrical supply to ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My penis is a lot like an image of a convex lens

Virtual, erect and highly diminished

A mathematician is afraid of flying

A mathematician is afraid of flying due to the small risk of a terrorist attack. So, on every flight he takes a bomb with his hand luggage. "The probability of having a bomb on a plane is very low", he reason, "and the probability of having two bombs on the same plane is virtually zero."

Me: I was recently diagnosed with Hyphil. My Wife: What’s Hyphil?

Me: Hi, Phil Swift here with Flex Tape! The super-strong waterproof tape that can instantly patch, bond, seal, and repair! Flex tape is no ordinary tape; its triple thick adhesive virtually welds itself to the surface, instantly stopping the toughest leaks. Leaky pipes can cause major damage, but Fl...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the new virtual reality fellatio program?

It's a real mind-blowing experience.

A buddha puts a hotdog stand and gets a customer...

"I want one with everything!" says the guy to the solemn looking monk. With ceremonious presicion and speed the guy virtually assembles the hot dog with all the sauces, condiments and extras in mid air.

Within seconds he hands the hotdog to the baffled guy. "That'll be 5 dollars sir."
...

Why can't people with spectacles see the real world?

Because the image formed will be virtual. (Physics related)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 good arguments that Jesus was black [long]

There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black:
1. He called everyone brother
2. He liked Gospel
3. He didn't get a fair trial

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish:
1. He went into His Father's business
2. He lived at home until he was 33 <...

A man walks into a bank demanding small change

After a small wait, he walks up to the teller and says: "Hello, I would like some change please." To which the teller replies, "Sorry sir we don't deal in change any more all our money is virtual, if you want cash we recommend you go somewhere else, apologies for any inconveniences." The man, adaman...

How physicists see other sciences:

Biology: squishy physics
Geology: slow physics
Computer Science: virtual physics
Psychology: people physics
Chemistry: impure physics
Math: physics minus the units

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

an illustrious lawyer dies and goes to hell...

... where he is greeted by the devil who says, "i have claimed your soul as one of the forsaken. for all of eternity, you will serve as my aide." this suited the lawyer's taste and so he handled clerical and correctional duties on behalf of the devil. for his first assignment, the devil takes him to...

From how high can you drop an egg onto a concrete floor without breaking it?

Higher than you would think, the structural integrity of a well laid concrete floor renders it virtually indestructible towards an incoming egg, even at terminal velocity.

A highschool senior is coming up on his senior prom and really wants the night to go right

Senior Prom is coming up, and Joe really wants to not have any regrets moving forward into adulthood. There's this girl, Sally, that he's been pining over for years, so he girds his loins and asks her to go with him to the event, and lo and behold she says yes.


Now Joe is starstruck, the ...

The Bee Joke

Once, there was a bee who lived in a very complex bee hive. All the bees residing in this hive lived very happily with their own tasks and aspirations. However, this particular bee, named Bart, was quite special. He was an incredibly intelligent bee who matured and learned far faster than his bee pe...

Decrease the odds of terrorism on a plane

The odds of a suicide bomber being on your plane are 1 in 10 million.

The odds of two random unrelated suicide bombers on the same plane are virtually impossible.

So if you want to guarantee that you won’t die from another suicide bomber on your flight then you should wear a bomb.

The doctor says to the old man "I'll need to check your blood, urine, and stool.

The old man who is virtually deaf, turns to his wife and shouts "WHAT'D HE SAY?". His wife says "the doctor said he wants to see your underwear".

A Canadian farmer, a Muslim fanatic, and a white trash biker...

Three men - a Canadian farmer, a Muslim fanatic and a White Trash Biker are all walking together one day.

They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it.

'I will give each of you one wish, which is three wishes in total', says the Genie.

The Canadian says, 'I am a farm...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Naive Priest in the Big City

There’s this young priest who’s spent virtually his entire life in a monastery. He is sent to work in one of the poorer areas of a big city. The priest has never seen a city so after settling into his new post he decides to take a long walk to explore things. A couple blocks away from the church he ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Born Too Late To Explore The Earth,

Born too early to explore the galaxy,

Born at just the right time to have sex with virtual reality anime chicks.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

We had our first child and he's beautiful, but he had a rare birth defect.

He was born without eyelids. We had to keep his eyes irrigated and shielded from light while they searched for a pediatric plastic surgeon who could correct it.

Fortunately one of the top surgeons in our region was available. When our attending physician explained the situation to him, he ask...

Stolen From Another Reddit (I Think) In Honor of Talk Like A Pirate Day

There once was a pirate (the story relates)

who thought he could rhumba on skates.

He fell on his cutlass

which rendered him nutless

and virtually useless on dates.

Drums good. Drums stop, bad.

A rich businessman is reading the newspaper one day, and stumbles across an article about North Sentinel Island and the indigenous people there who are virtually untouched by modern civilization. He decides on the spot, that he must see them for himself, however it is illegal to travel there. No mat...

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