Why do programmers prefer dark mode?

Cause light attracts bugs.

The worst feeling ever is when you're studying in your room peacefully in full focus mode and a member of your family enter the room and..

wakes you up

Why is dark mode better?

Because it runs faster

Storm Ciara

I just asked Siri "surely it's still not going to be stormy tomorrow?"

Siri replied, "yes it will be and don't call me Shirley"

Realised my phone was in Airplane mode

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Suggestions for Tesla sentry mode...

(based on a thread over in r/TeslaMotors)

Tesla Sentry Mode is the name of the car's feature that detects when someone is near the car when it is parked; it saves video from that time period and notifies the owner how many incidents have occurred while s/he's been away from the car. It also p...

My son asked me what incognito mode was on his computer.

"I don't want you to know," I replied.

Jimmy Carr was complaining that he had no mode of transport after a freak accident with a truck carrying dry fruits wrecked his Jaguar.

It was Carr's Rant on a car to rent cause his current car was rent by a currant current

What’s Harry Potter’s favorite mode of transportation?

Walking






JK.
Rolling.

I really like the band Depeche Mode.

I just can't get enough.

Husband & Inspector

\- Husband : I lost my wife , she went shopping and hasn't come back yet .

\- Inspector : What is her height ?

\- Husband : I never checked .

\- Inspector : Slim or healthy ?

\- Husband : Not slim , can be healthy .

\- Inspector : Color of eyes ?

\- Husband ...

I once got kicked out of a Depeche Mode after show party for eating Dave Gahan's Brie and Stilton.

Apparently they were his own personal cheeses.

Once mankind invented Incognito mode

The rest is not in history.

Flight Attendant: Please don't forget to activate 'airplane mode'

Me: Running around with my arms spread making airplane noises.

Janet Jackson wanted to sample a Future song so she asked his production company if she could use Beast Mode. The production company sent a representative to her door with a CD. She asked if it was Beast Mode

The representative said “Sorry Ms. Jackson, this is Fo Real”

A median and a mode walk into a bar.

The bartender says, “I’m glad you dumped your buddy. He’s mean.”

Three guys die and go to heaven

St. Peter meets them at the pearly gates, and announces "welcome to heaven. it is a vast and holy place. I will assign you a vehicle based on how faithful you were to your spouses"

The first man walks up and is given the keys to a beat up 1989 Honda Civic and St. Peter says to him "you cheate...

So I tried airplane mode for the first time.

But when I threw my phone, it didn't fly.

Whenever my Muslim roommate goes to pray, I sit next to him with some apple pie and ice cream.

Then both of us are in A La mode.

Everyone has their own way of remembering

To celebrate 9/11, I like to set my phone to airplane mode and throw it at a building.

I like dark mode on everything

Except for my skin

I just put my phone on airplane mode and threw it across the office

Worst transformer ever.

Even when I put my phone in airplane mode, it only flies as far as I throw it.

(Original Content)

Just look very closely into the darkness of your screen

Do you see the joke? (Dark mode users only)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

EA have announced that FIFA 19 will have a Battle Royale mode

They will be introducing the $50 'Sergio Ramos' pack with release, which will allow players to break the rules without punishment to win games.





^^^^FUCK ^^^^RAMOS

i have a luxury diesel mercedes and its a total piece of rubbish!

i have driven manual my entire life and i got my first automatic and my bloody last one!. i bought new, but it only works during the daytime, at night it shuts off. now look, i put the automatic into d mode during the day, it works fine, but then at night it goes into n mode and won't move.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I always use incognito mode when looking at porn and video game walkthroughs.

I don't want my wife to think I'm a cheater.

Recycled ones. But love them. 36 Math jokes and puns

Beginner

1. Why was the fraction apprehensive about marrying the decimal?

Because he would have to convert.

2. Why do plants hate math?

It gives them square roots.

3. Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?

It was a mean thing to s...

Siri kept on calling me Shirley today

I was beginning to get annoyed about it but then I realised I'd left my phone in Airplane mode.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

God and Jesus were hashing out the final details of his life on earth.

"The only thing remaining is to decide upon your mode of death," said God. "Which do you prefer, crucifixion or killer bees?"

Jesus thought about it for a few minutes and said, "I think I will go with crucifixion."

And that's why Catholics around the world make the sign of the cross in...

I thought my phone was broken as it keeps referring to me as Shirley.

Then I realised it was in Aeroplane mode

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Some people use incognito mode to watch porn.

Just to be safe, I watch porn using Tor through a VPN on my friend's laptop connected to my neighbors wifi.

Which works great until my neighbors find out and tell me to get out of their living room.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

For me, sex is only a game.

In single-player mode.

When standing on top of a staircase, it becomes a universal mode of transport.

Where it goes is up to you.

History is not made by those who use Incognito mode..

Said by a Firefox user.

I'd love to give the man who invented Incognito mode a cookie.

Sadly it was erased.

Several epidemics throughout history have many similarities in characteristics.

For example, many diseases evolved from poor hygiene between animals and humans and a rise in urban population and interregional communication. Many had very similar effects and modes of transmission.

Because of the similarities, many historians are looking into allegations of these diseases ...

What did the lead singer of Depeche Mode say to the son of God when he asked for his own army?

Your own personnel, Jesus.

Gin is the Ionian mode of liquors...

it will always resolve with tonic.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was at the bar one night and having a drink with lady that was in a wheelchair due to a car wreck that left her without her legs. Which didn’t bother me at all, she was stunning. She was a tiny little thing and very beautiful, we hit it off pretty quick. So we decided to go back to her place.

We got to her place and I got the wheel chair for her and lifted her little body out of the car and rolled her inside the house. Once inside we had a few more drinks and things started to heat up between the two of us. I took off her little shirt and her little bottoms she was wearing and she tells ...

I set my phone to airplane mode

I lost it two weeks ago and everyone has a different opinion on what happened to it

Civil engineer goes to Hell

A civil engineer dies and goes to Hell by accident. According to policy, all civil engineers go to Heaven but a mistake was made this time. The engineer descends to Hell and he finds the situation miserable. Too much heat, fires, lava, vapor, and everyone is in panic mode. So he goes to have a littl...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pussy pic joke NSFW

Jon: Want to see a pussy on my phone, dude?

Eric: yeah man!

Jon: [Passes phone to Eric]

Eric: Why’s it on camera mode?

Eric: Oh

Riot's Responce to Sandbox Mode

Edit: Response

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Incognito mode on google chrome is useless..

Everyone in the library can still see me wanking

The three modes of communication

Telephone,
Telegraph and
Tell a woman

The Pope & The Crossword puzzle

A man is preparing to board a train when he hears that the Pope is also going to be using that mode of transportation because he apparently wanted to try something different.

"This is exciting," the man thinks. "I've always been a big fan of the Pope. Perhaps I'll be able to see him in person...

What does Farmer Travis Scott do when his crops are ready?

He goes Sickle Mode

help: iphone 6s freezes but only when i play song "down with the sickness" any ideas??

edit: thx guys, turns out i was in "Do Not Disturbed" mode

The mean, median, and mode walk into a Republican bar

The median says "Wow, this place us really skewed to the right! Me, though, I'm a centrist."

The mode was taller than everyone else and got the most numbers.

Meanwhile, the mean was overly influenced by outliers and got high off to the side.

What do you call it when someone starts acting like an angry center divider?

They're in mean median mode.

Your mom is temporarily in read-only mode due to heavy traffic.

The joke is Reddit's servers. Get it together!

My phone fell from the 20th floor,

good thing it was in airplane mode.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Its not masturbating

It's sex in single player mode

I got into a bad fight with my girlfriend last night. It turned ugly because she thought I cheated, and I hadn't

We’re in the kitchen and she tries to hit me with a Spatula. I react pretty quickly but all I have is a dish to block it with; but it’s simply no match.

All hell breaks loose when she tried to go for the midsection with Knives. I got lucky and was defended with my well-placed Buckle. It’s ge...

What's common between a computer that just crashed and a guy who just had an argument with his wife ?

Both of them proceed in safe mode.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My Jewish Grandmother's favorite Holocaust joke

It's Winter of 1942 and the German SS is in full extermination mode when a new train of Jews comes into the camp. Immediately the train conductor goes to the general and tells the general.

"These are the toughest Jews I have ever seen, General."

The general nods. "Then we will take no ...

I bought a fan today, but it wasn’t strong enough.

So I put it on airplane mode.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

These puns are Capital!

So I had a productive day at work coming up with these Capital City puns a year ago today. Thought they were too good not to share!

Why did the Geordie arrange a holiday to Romania?

To book a rest!

Bob Mortimer was speaking to his comedy partner's wife saying he wanted to take h...

99 dead in Tesla autopilot car crash

This has caused Tesla to drop all ideas of a battle Royale mode for Tesla cars

Really freaked out for a bit, my computer was giving me personalised Jesus quotes.

Turns out I had it set to depeche mode.

I accidentally dropped my phone from a 20-story building.

It's a good thing I had it on Flight Mode.

I keep loading paper into my printer but it keeps saying "I just can't get enough"

I think it's stuck in Depeche Mode.

Did you know Tinder has different difficulties?

Here's how to unlock Tinder's different difficulties.

Easy mode: be a white girl

Intermediate mode: be a white guy

Hard mode: be anything else

God mode: be an Asian male

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I bought a sex robot that's so realistic,

Whenever I try to have sex with it, it goes into sleep mode.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Porto citizen dies and goes to Hell

The Devil observes that he is comfortable. He says: 'Doesn't the heat and smoke bother you?' to which the portuense replies: 'Back in Portugal we usually have lost of forest fires, so this isn't that bad'

The devil decides that he isn't miserable enough and turns up the heat even more. When h...

If nuns cheated at video games...

...they'd prefer using god mode.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.