UPJOKE
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Why do programmers prefer dark mode?

Cause light attracts bugs.

You lost your phone and its on silent mode?

Too bad. If you like it then you should've put a ring on it!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When a girl asks you "Does my butt looks big in this?" That is her way of asking you to set the difficulty for the evening...

Easy mode: Of course not honey, you look wonderful.

Medium mode: Hmm, maybe try a different pair of pants.

Hard mode: Yes, but it looks big in anything.

Impossible mode: Yes, but on the bright side, it draws attention away from your face.

"You have a reminder set for 5pm today," my phone said.

"A reminder? What is it?" I asked.

"It's a notification to ensure you don't forget something, but that's not important right now," the phone replied.

Then I remembered I'd left it in Airplane mode.

Lol plague inc easy mode is so unrealistic

Like who wouldn’t wash their hands and wear a mask during a global pandemic.

Edna Mode has been to fashion shows across the global, but there’s one place she will never visit…

Cape Town

The sky was looking ominous so I asked Siri, “Surely, it’s not going to rain today?”

And she replied, “Yes it is, and don’t call me Shirley.”

That was when I realized I’d left my phone on Airplane mode.

What is a sneeze’s favorite mode of transportation?

Ah-choo choo train

Why is dark mode better?

Because it runs faster

I don't understand statistics like mean, mode and median

Is that normal?

A median and a mode walk into a bar.

The bartender says, “I’m glad you dumped your buddy. He’s mean.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I always use incognito mode when looking at porn and video game walkthroughs.

I don't want my wife to think I'm a cheater.

I am rebranding computers' energy saving mode

It's a power nap.

I’m not always mean, sometimes I’m median. Really depends on my mode.

Statistically my range of jokes are never appreciated.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Suggestions for Tesla sentry mode...

(based on a thread over in r/TeslaMotors)

Tesla Sentry Mode is the name of the car's feature that detects when someone is near the car when it is parked; it saves video from that time period and notifies the owner how many incidents have occurred while s/he's been away from the car. It also p...

I really like the band Depeche Mode.

I just can't get enough.

Once mankind invented Incognito mode

The rest is not in history.

Flight Attendant: Please don't forget to activate 'airplane mode'

Me: Running around with my arms spread making airplane noises.

What’s Harry Potter’s favorite mode of transportation?

Walking






JK.
Rolling.

I like dark mode on everything

Except for my skin

My son asked me what incognito mode was on his computer.

"I don't want you to know," I replied.

I set my phone to airplane mode

I lost it two weeks ago and everyone has a different opinion on what happened to it

Riot's Responce to Sandbox Mode

Edit: Response

My phone fell from the 20th floor,

good thing it was in airplane mode.

Gin is the Ionian mode of liquors...

it will always resolve with tonic.

The three modes of communication

Telephone,
Telegraph and
Tell a woman

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Some people use incognito mode to watch porn.

Just to be safe, I watch porn using Tor through a VPN on my friend's laptop connected to my neighbors wifi.

Which works great until my neighbors find out and tell me to get out of their living room.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Incognito mode on google chrome is useless..

Everyone in the library can still see me wanking

Why did the mean and mode laugh together?

Because they had a co-median between them.

History is not made by those who use Incognito mode..

Said by a Firefox user.

When standing on top of a staircase, it becomes a universal mode of transport.

Where it goes is up to you.

The mean, median, and mode walk into a Republican bar

The median says "Wow, this place us really skewed to the right! Me, though, I'm a centrist."

The mode was taller than everyone else and got the most numbers.

Meanwhile, the mean was overly influenced by outliers and got high off to the side.

3 of the 5 members of Sum 41 are currently 41 years old

Leaving an opportunity for a more accurate band name: Mode 41.

Even when I put my phone in airplane mode, it only flies as far as I throw it.

(Original Content)

Your mom is temporarily in read-only mode due to heavy traffic.

The joke is Reddit's servers. Get it together!

What do you tell someone who doesn't like Depeche Mode?

Enjoy the silence.

Jimmy Carr was complaining that he had no mode of transport after a freak accident with a truck carrying dry fruits wrecked his Jaguar.

It was Carr's Rant on a car to rent cause his current car was rent by a currant current

The worst feeling ever is when you're studying in your room peacefully in full focus mode and a member of your family enter the room and..

wakes you up

What is the worst insult you could give a Redditor?

"You're the type to have light mode on Reddit."

I got into a bad fight with my girlfriend last night. It turned ugly because she thought I cheated, and I hadn't

We’re in the kitchen and she tries to hit me with a Spatula. I react pretty quickly but all I have is a dish to block it with; but it’s simply no match.

All hell breaks loose when she tried to go for the midsection with Knives. I got lucky and was defended with my well-placed Buckle. It’s ge...

Cops smashed my phone.

Cops smashed my phone. Well it's my fault for having it on the dark mode.

If you live in Russia...

.. then you must've picked "HARD MODE" at birth.

The Pope & his crossword puzzle

A man is preparing to board a train when he hears that the Pope is also going to be using that mode of transportation because he apparently wanted to try something different.

"This is exciting," the man thinks. "I've always been a big fan of the Pope. Perhaps I'll be able to see him in person...

A dad and his his 7 year old son

A dad and his so were playing Minecraft one day, and the son asked his dad what should he never do in Minecraft?

The dad answers, go into creative mode because that ruins the game.

He stares his dad dead in the eyes and says, No dad DON’T SPEND YOUR DIAMONDS ON HOES!

Three women die enter hell, and Satan greets them at the doorway.

"Welcome, sinners!" he says with a grin. "In heaven, your rank would be based on your purity, but not down here! Your mode of transportation will be decided by the number of MEN you have hooked up with." He turned to face the first woman. "How many men have you hooked up with?"

"Around five I...

Missing wife

A husband went to the police station to file a "missing person" report for his missing wife:

Husband : -I lost my wife, she went shopping hasn't come back yet.
Inspector : -What is her height?
Husband : -Average, I guess.
Inspector : -Slim or healthy?.
Husband : -Not slim, but...

We switched from corona virus to the Third World War..

..which idiot changed from zombie mode to multiplayer?

This morning my wife woke me telling me she had a terrible dream.

She shook me a little and I was still in that half asleep response mode. She says, "I had a terrible dream. I dreamed that we broke up and you left me for some hot 20 year old."

Eyes still closed, I mumbled, "20 years old. That's terrible. Where did I find her?"

Whenever my Muslim roommate goes to pray, I sit next to him with some apple pie and ice cream.

Then both of us are in A La mode.

Did you know Tinder has different difficulties?

Here's how to unlock Tinder's different difficulties.

Easy mode: be a white girl

Intermediate mode: be a white guy

Hard mode: be anything else

God mode: be an Asian male

I accidentally dropped my phone from a 20-story building.

It's a good thing I had it on Flight Mode.

A newlywed couple goes on a honeymoon to the Middle East.

While there they got into a huge argument about the best mode of transportation; unicycle versus bicycles. The argument was so large they decided to divorce.
Cause of divorce:
Iraq and cyclable differences

Years ago at a small private zoo..

they had a gorilla that was popular with small town tourists and the local residents.
Unfortunately the gorilla died of old age and the owner offered one of his employees extra pay to put on a gorilla suit in order to fool the crowds while he figured things out.

Surprisingly, it kinda work...

How many Discord users does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They prefer dark mode.

I'm so poor...

that my cell phone only has bus mode

i have a luxury diesel mercedes and its a total piece of rubbish!

i have driven manual my entire life and i got my first automatic and my bloody last one!. i bought new, but it only works during the daytime, at night it shuts off. now look, i put the automatic into d mode during the day, it works fine, but then at night it goes into n mode and won't move.

Three guys die and go to heaven

St. Peter meets them at the pearly gates, and announces "welcome to heaven. it is a vast and holy place. I will assign you a vehicle based on how faithful you were to your spouses"

The first man walks up and is given the keys to a beat up 1989 Honda Civic and St. Peter says to him "you cheate...

What’s a Muslim’s favorite pie topping?

Allah mode

My Math teacher told me I'm terrible at telling Math jokes.

She was mode to me.



Edit: Medium\*

Edit: Range\*

Edit: Average\*

I was playing SimplePlanes on my phone

I made a nice jet, but for some reason it didn't seem to work well. But then I realized



I didn't have airplane mode on

I got a bit bored on a long highway drive and started scrolling through the various voice choices on my GPS.

There was a USA accent, a French accent and even an Australian accent. Then I noticed "Wife mode". So I selected it, and nothing seemed to happen, until about 10 miles later the GPS said,

"So, if I died, would you get a new GPS?""

Just look very closely into the darkness of your screen

Do you see the joke? (Dark mode users only)

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