Why is dark mode better?

Because it runs faster

What’s Harry Potter’s favorite mode of transportation?

Walking






JK.
Rolling.

I really like the band Depeche Mode.

I just can't get enough.

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What's hitler's favorite game mode on Call of Duty?

One in the chamber.

Once mankind invented Incognito mode

The rest is not in history.

So I tried airplane mode for the first time.

But when I threw my phone, it didn't fly.

Flight Attendant: Please don't forget to activate 'airplane mode'

Me: Running around with my arms spread making airplane noises.

A median and a mode walk into a bar.

The bartender says, “I’m glad you dumped your buddy. He’s mean.”

I like dark mode on everything

Except for my skin

I once got kicked out of a Depeche Mode after show party for eating Dave Gahan's Brie and Stilton.

Apparently they were his own personal cheeses.

Janet Jackson wanted to sample a Future song so she asked his production company if she could use Beast Mode. The production company sent a representative to her door with a CD. She asked if it was Beast Mode

The representative said “Sorry Ms. Jackson, this is Fo Real”

Even when I put my phone in airplane mode, it only flies as far as I throw it.

(Original Content)

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EA have announced that FIFA 19 will have a Battle Royale mode

They will be introducing the $50 'Sergio Ramos' pack with release, which will allow players to break the rules without punishment to win games.





^^^^FUCK ^^^^RAMOS

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I always use incognito mode when looking at porn and video game walkthroughs.

I don't want my wife to think I'm a cheater.

Just asked Siri.

"Surely it's not going to rain today?"

She said "it will, and don't call me Shirley"

...Forgot to take my phone off Airplane mode.

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Some people use incognito mode to watch porn.

Just to be safe, I watch porn using Tor through a VPN on my friend's laptop connected to my neighbors wifi.

Which works great until my neighbors find out and tell me to get out of their living room.

Husband Wife and Audi A8

Husband: I lost my wife, she went shopping and hasn't come back yet.

Inspector: What is her Height?

Husband: I never checked

Inspector: Slim or healthy?

Husband: Not Slim, can be healthy.

Inspector: Color of her eyes?

Husband: Never noticed.

Inspector...

History is not made by those who use Incognito mode..

Said by a Firefox user.

I just put my phone on airplane mode and threw it across the office

Worst transformer ever.

What did the lead singer of Depeche Mode say to the son of God when he asked for his own army?

Your own personnel, Jesus.

When standing on top of a staircase, it becomes a universal mode of transport.

Where it goes is up to you.

Gin is the Ionian mode of liquors...

it will always resolve with tonic.

Why did the mean and mode laugh together?

Because they had a co-median between them.

I set my phone to airplane mode

I lost it two weeks ago and everyone has a different opinion on what happened to it

A man bought a new car with automatic transmission

After a little while, he came back to the salesman who sold him the car. The salesman saw that back of the car had a big bump, but decided not to ask. The man started saying that he liked the car very much, but it had some problems

"When i put it in D for day mode, it works very well, but whe...

I'd love to give the man who invented Incognito mode a cookie.

Sadly it was erased.

Recycled ones. But love them. 36 Math jokes and puns

Beginner

1. Why was the fraction apprehensive about marrying the decimal?

Because he would have to convert.

2. Why do plants hate math?

It gives them square roots.

3. Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?

It was a mean thing to s...

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God and Jesus were hashing out the final details of his life on earth.

"The only thing remaining is to decide upon your mode of death," said God. "Which do you prefer, crucifixion or killer bees?"

Jesus thought about it for a few minutes and said, "I think I will go with crucifixion."

And that's why Catholics around the world make the sign of the cross in...

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Incognito mode on google chrome is useless..

Everyone in the library can still see me wanking

I thought my phone was broken as it keeps referring to me as Shirley.

Then I realised it was in Aeroplane mode

The three modes of communication

Telephone,
Telegraph and
Tell a woman

The mean, median, and mode walk into a Republican bar

The median says "Wow, this place us really skewed to the right! Me, though, I'm a centrist."

The mode was taller than everyone else and got the most numbers.

Meanwhile, the mean was overly influenced by outliers and got high off to the side.

Riot's Responce to Sandbox Mode

Edit: Response

What do you tell someone who doesn't like Depeche Mode?

Enjoy the silence.

Siri kept on calling me Shirley today

I was beginning to get annoyed about it but then I realised I'd left my phone in Airplane mode.

Several epidemics throughout history have many similarities in characteristics.

For example, many diseases evolved from poor hygiene between animals and humans and a rise in urban population and interregional communication. Many had very similar effects and modes of transmission.

Because of the similarities, many historians are looking into allegations of these diseases ...

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For me, sex is only a game.

In single-player mode.

If you live in Russia...

.. then you must've picked "HARD MODE" at birth.

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I was at the bar one night and having a drink with lady that was in a wheelchair due to a car wreck that left her without her legs. Which didn’t bother me at all, she was stunning. She was a tiny little thing and very beautiful, we hit it off pretty quick. So we decided to go back to her place.

We got to her place and I got the wheel chair for her and lifted her little body out of the car and rolled her inside the house. Once inside we had a few more drinks and things started to heat up between the two of us. I took off her little shirt and her little bottoms she was wearing and she tells ...

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Pussy pic joke NSFW

Jon: Want to see a pussy on my phone, dude?

Eric: yeah man!

Jon: [Passes phone to Eric]

Eric: Why’s it on camera mode?

Eric: Oh

What do Minecraft, Instagram, and Snapchat have in common?

They all have a story mode

French Revolution Jokes.

Robespierre was killed in a *split* second.

I guess King Louis XVI failed to get *a-head* of his competition.

The guillotine was *cutting edge* technology at the time.

Execution was a form of capital *PUNishment.*

If only Robespierre was spelt like *Robespare*.

Wha...

What does Farmer Travis Scott do when his crops are ready?

He goes Sickle Mode

What do you call it when someone starts acting like an angry center divider?

They're in mean median mode.

help: iphone 6s freezes but only when i play song "down with the sickness" any ideas??

edit: thx guys, turns out i was in "Do Not Disturbed" mode

What's common between a computer that just crashed and a guy who just had an argument with his wife ?

Both of them proceed in safe mode.

Civil engineer goes to Hell

A civil engineer dies and goes to Hell by accident. According to policy, all civil engineers go to Heaven but a mistake was made this time. The engineer descends to Hell and he finds the situation miserable. Too much heat, fires, lava, vapor, and everyone is in panic mode. So he goes to have a littl...

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Its not masturbating

It's sex in single player mode

Whenever my Muslim roommate goes to pray, I sit down next to him with some apple pie and ice cream.

So that both of us are in A la mode.

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My Jewish Grandmother's favorite Holocaust joke

It's Winter of 1942 and the German SS is in full extermination mode when a new train of Jews comes into the camp. Immediately the train conductor goes to the general and tells the general.

"These are the toughest Jews I have ever seen, General."

The general nods. "Then we will take no ...

I bought a fan today, but it wasn’t strong enough.

So I put it on airplane mode.

My phone fell from the 20th floor,

good thing it was in airplane mode.

I got into a bad fight with my girlfriend last night. It turned ugly because she thought I cheated, and I hadn't

We’re in the kitchen and she tries to hit me with a Spatula. I react pretty quickly but all I have is a dish to block it with; but it’s simply no match.

All hell breaks loose when she tried to go for the midsection with Knives. I got lucky and was defended with my well-placed Buckle. It’s ge...

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These puns are Capital!

So I had a productive day at work coming up with these Capital City puns a year ago today. Thought they were too good not to share!

Why did the Geordie arrange a holiday to Romania?

To book a rest!

Bob Mortimer was speaking to his comedy partner's wife saying he wanted to take h...

The Pope & The Crossword puzzle

A man is preparing to board a train when he hears that the Pope is also going to be using that mode of transportation because he apparently wanted to try something different.

"This is exciting," the man thinks. "I've always been a big fan of the Pope. Perhaps I'll be able to see him in person...

99 dead in Tesla autopilot car crash

This has caused Tesla to drop all ideas of a battle Royale mode for Tesla cars

Really freaked out for a bit, my computer was giving me personalised Jesus quotes.

Turns out I had it set to depeche mode.

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I bought a sex robot that's so realistic,

Whenever I try to have sex with it, it goes into sleep mode.

I keep loading paper into my printer but it keeps saying "I just can't get enough"

I think it's stuck in Depeche Mode.

Did you know Tinder has different difficulties?

Here's how to unlock Tinder's different difficulties.

Easy mode: be a white girl

Intermediate mode: be a white guy

Hard mode: be anything else

God mode: be an Asian male

I accidentally dropped my phone from a 20-story building.

It's a good thing I had it on Flight Mode.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Porto citizen dies and goes to Hell

The Devil observes that he is comfortable. He says: 'Doesn't the heat and smoke bother you?' to which the portuense replies: 'Back in Portugal we usually have lost of forest fires, so this isn't that bad'

The devil decides that he isn't miserable enough and turns up the heat even more. When h...

If nuns cheated at video games...

...they'd prefer using god mode.

I walked into a muslim dessert place

...they served a pretty good Apple pie A-llah-mode.

Melania is flying in an airplane

She calls for the stewardess

"Please check why my phone's data connection is not working"

"Ma,am we are flying at 36000 feet, how do you suppose it can work?"

"But it should work, my phone has an airplane mode"

How does Davey Crockett take his pie?

à la mode

The Irish Railway Company

Correspondence between a customer and the Irish Railway Company.

Gentlemen,
I have been riding your trains daily for the last two years, and the service on your line seems to be getting worse every day. I am tired of standing in the aisle all the time on a 14-mile trip. I think the transpo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Me:"I only match with Black chicks on Tinder"

Friend:"Well do you have it set to night mode?"

I just picked up the Germanwings iPhone app...

When I switched on airplane mode, it locked me out of the phone and then crashed.

How did the Muslim enjoy her dessert?

Allah Mode

White Elephant

An old farmer is tending his crop one day when he spies a white elephant trampling the edge of his field. He knows that there are four different types of elephants in his area: red elephants, blue elephants, purple elephants, and white elephants.

To kill a blue elephant you use a blue elep...

Yo mama so fat

That the new iPhone requires panorama mode for facial recognition.

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