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User Jokes

What did the reddit user say after detonating a bomb inside a bank?

EDIT: Wow! This blew up! Thanks for the gold!

Why do reddit users hate facebook?

Because you need to have friends to be on facebook.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Damn girl are you a reddit user?

Because you give me the same fucking shit, day after day!

How does the reddit user get karma when they don’t deserve it?

Piece of cake

A Linux user, a vegan, and an atheist walk into a bar....

I know because they told everybody there

How do you know when a Reddit user has left their hotel?

Their username checks out.

How many Excel users does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Monday January 01, 1900

The front page is filled with memes in reference to that guy being dragged off of a plane. I can't remember the last time the entire reddit user base was so...

... United.

What does the apple user do when he wants to customize his device?

He adjusts the volume.

What is a Linux user's favorite game?

sudo ku

How do you confuse an Apple user?

Give them options.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pornhub premium users are like jesus

They pay for our sins.

Wife of a r/jokes user gave birth to beautiful twins.

He held the first baby and his eyes watered up, his heart filled with joy witnessing this miracle. He was speechless.


Then the nurse handed him the second baby, he gave the baby one hard look and handing the baby back to the nurse he uttered a single word "Repost"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A wheelchair user rides towards a bar.

On his way in he notices a man stood by the door smoking a cig.

The wheelchair user looks at the smoker and says "you do know that there is no reason for doing that at all. It won't make you feel better. It won't help you to fit in. It won't make you look cool."

"Really" says the smoke...

Elon Announces X will charge Users $1 A Year

So Elon Musk has announced that X will charge users $1 a year. Certain people are in an uproar. What's the big deal? I'm paying my ex $898 a month.

I do apologize for the terrible joke, but Elon handed us all puns on a silver platter.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Isn't this whole Ashley Madison hack exactly what their users wanted?

To get fucked by a third party?

How many Apple users does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. Once the bulb goes out, they replace the house.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A gang of cutlery users have turned every silent K in the world into an audible K.

Those kniving bastards.

A Pokemon go user walks into a bar

Because he was too busy looking at his phone to notice it

With reddit alienating a large amount of its users, they decided to rebrand.

They're changing it from Reddit to WeBluit

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pornhub now requires every user to watch at least one hour of dwarf-MILF content.

That's the bare mini-mum.

How do you confuse a reddit user?

You post a brand new joke.


(O.C)

There’s a 12-step program for pun users.

But it dozen work.

If a Mac user

If a Mac user sees a crime being committed, does she become an iWitness?

What did the reddit user say to the CEO of reddit Ellen Pao

[This Post was Removed]

Bloody Passwords

PASSWORD PROBLEMS:

WINDOWS: Please enter your new password.

USER: cabbage


WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters.

USER: boiled cabbage



WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical character.
...

A Reddit user, a Reddit user, and a Reddit user walk into a bar.

The first one orders a coke. Five minutes later the second one orders a coke and the whole bar starts cheering, another five minutes later the third one orders a coke and the whole city erupts in thunderous applause.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Religion is like a End-user license agreement...

Everyone is so eager to sign up and enjoy the benefits that they skip reading the rules and have no clue what kind of crazy shit they've agreed to.

What’s the difference between an Apple user and an android user.

Say “nine hundred and eleven” to Siri for the punchline.

A user interface is like a joke

If you have to explain it, it’s not that good

Each comment thread is a joke, but each user may only post one word.

You may only comment one word, or reply with one word to another comment. Good luck!

What did the Dalek say when it shot the Linux user?

xterm-inate!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How many reddit users does it take to replace a lightbulb?

1 to make a post about it,
4 to mention that its the wrong forum,
1 to post it to the right forum,
7 to suggest op should post it to the electronics forum,
2 to post it to the electronics forum,
1 mod to delete the second post,

3 to suggest an image post would have gathered mor...

A Facebook user walks into a bar...

He orders a shot, takes it, then proceeds to tell the whole bar about it. Then, he gets upset at everyone that doesn't want to take shots with him.

Two cannibals are eating an r/jokes user.

One cannibal turns and asks the other,

"Does this taste funny to you?"

Why don't Twitter users make good soldiers?

Because they are quick to retweet

Which Greek god are r/jokes users descendants of?

Poseidon. Because they Control C

If Mac users care more about the environment more than Windows users

Then why do Macs have a trash can and Windows has a recycling bin?

iPhone vs Samsung

iPhone user: The new iPhone is coming out

Samsung user: What's new?

iPhone user: We're getting facial recognition

Samsung user: Had that 4 year's ago next

iPhone user: We're getting wireless charging

Samsung user: Had that 2 year's ago next

iPhone user: We'r...

The year is 2028 and /r/Jokes is still going strong.

A new user gets on to /r/jokes and sees the most upvoted joke just says "28"

The second most upvoted joke says "3915"

The third most upvoted joke says "756"

He can't see why they're getting so many upvotes, so he comments "These aren't jokes, they're numbers"

The mod repl...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why is P0rnhubs number 1 user Darth Maul?

(I’m gonna get banned for this) Because he’s really horny

How many r/jokes users does it take to change a light bulb?

1000, one changes the light bulb and the others will start upvoting it and copying it and having orgies

9/10 Reddit Users are Morons

I'm glad I'm the 1%

I have a question for only fans users

Why don’t you get air conditioning instead

What's the difference between a Mac user and a PC user

Mac users command, PC users control

I’m looking for jokes that you have to work out. My favourite is the one in the below, which was posted here by another user. Does anyone else have any similar ones that you have to think about before finding the funny?

In a freak accident today, a photographer was killed when a huge lump of cheddar landed on him.

To be fair, the people who were being photographed did try to warn him.

A user is new to Reddit.

His friend—who is a longtime user—agrees to show him around the site. They go to r/jokes, and the user simply posts “7.”

Immediately, people begin upvoting and commenting their approval. The new user is puzzled.

The Reddit veteran then posts “13,” much to the pleasure of the sub. The p...

I met a reddit user today

he gave me the damn flu.

Our company is implementing a version of Microsoft Teams Telephony where users keep their microphones muted

They're calling it Teams Telepathy.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What kind of Olive Oil do Reddit users use to masturbate?

Extra Virgin

What kind of Instagram user would COVID-19 be?

An Influenza

How would you spot a linux user?

Don't worry they will tell you themselves!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do Apple users live in basements?

Because they don't like Windows!

After my retirement at the company I worked at for 50 years, I looked forward to some relaxation time and putting my feet up, but my wife had other ideas...

This comment has been overwritten and deleted forevermore by the user in response to the API changes June 2023.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Damn girl are you a Reddit user?

Cause when you post a title with a typo you can never fix that shit.

I¨ve lost 20% of my couch

ouch

Why shouldn’t you recommend a book to a social media user?

Because they have probably already Reddit

What is the most common question asked by iPhone users?

"Does anyone have a charger I could use?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A facebook user, a LINE user (japanese social media), and a redditor are having a drink at a bar.

The facebook user says "I've got to go home and spend time with the wifey."

The LINE user says "I must go home and spend time with the waifu."

The redditor says "Then I'll go home and spend time with the wifi."

What is the most surprising, deranging, and panicking thing for a reddit user ?

Unprepared blue cheese.

Tik Tok is mostly just millions of users imitating each other.

They should change the name of the app to Kpy Kat.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

All of the Apple fanboys are missing the main feature they can hold over android users

Their nude pictures are automatically synced to 4chan and reddit.

What do you call friendly and intelligent Reddit users?

Bots.

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