Bloody Passwords

PASSWORD PROBLEMS:

WINDOWS: Please enter your new password.

USER: cabbage


WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters.

USER: boiled cabbage



WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical character.
...

How do you know when a Reddit user has left their hotel?

Their username checks out.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why do Apple users live in basements?

Because they don't like Windows!

Mark Zuckerberg is really upset that Facebook is about to be fined $5 billion by the FTC for misusing users’ personal data.

Please respect his privacy at this challenging time.

Why do reddit users hate facebook?

Because you need to have friends to be on facebook.

What did the Apple user say when another person showed him a r/Jokes post?

Haha...iknow that, ireddit!

iPhone users, don’t bother sending the “Meteor” emoji to your Android friends...

...It won’t have the same impact.

What does a Twitter user and Schizophrenic have in common?

They both think outloud.

I heard that 99.9% of Reddit users are actually stupid

Thank God I’m the 1% that isn’t

I love how our names for recreational drug users give an idea of their drug of choice.

If they are a frequent user of marijuana, they're a stoner.

Some like to include psychedelics, and we call them hippies.

Our cocaine lovers are cokeheads.

People obsessed with meth are tweakers.

Finally some people like Bill Cosby prefer qualudes or rohypnol, and we call...

A smartphone user is browsing Reddit at a funeral. He asks the priest sitting next to him, "do you have the wifi password"? Looking at him in disgust the priest exclaims, "Respect the dead"!

The smartphone user replies, "all lowercase"?

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Pornhub premium users are like jesus

They pay for our sins.

The number of Firefox users in Bikini Bottom is dwindling...

In the future everything will be Chrome.

Why can't drug users do track?

cuz they always be trippin'

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

If alcoholics get whiskey dick, what do heroin users get?

Poppycock.

A coke user waits in line for a bar.

That’s the joke. Thought it was a good line, I bet it made you snort.

What killed the Linux user?

A terminal disease.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do Welsh men and Apple users have in common?

Both are fucking sheep.

Tumblr told a lot of their users to go screw themselves

Just not on their site.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A wheelchair user rides towards a bar.

On his way in he notices a man stood by the door smoking a cig.

The wheelchair user looks at the smoker and says "you do know that there is no reason for doing that at all. It won't make you feel better. It won't help you to fit in. It won't make you look cool."

"Really" says the smoke...

To all the Android users who just can't seem to gain administrator access to their devices on their own:

We're rooting for you!

The front page is filled with memes in reference to that guy being dragged off of a plane. I can't remember the last time the entire reddit user base was so...

... United.

You can improve the average intelligence of reddit users right now.

Just delete your reddit account.

How do you offend a meth user?

Play them “All I want for Christmas is my Two Front Teeth”.

What is a technique used by both swordfighters and Reddit users?

Riposte

Recently, many Tumblr users have had their accounts banned for NSFW reasons, and are looking for a new home.

They should try MySpace.

​

You can't get reported for questionable content if no-one's gonna see it.

A reddit user goes to order a foot long sandwich...

The sandwich maker asks, "What would you like on your sandwich?"

The user says, "Oh, I like anything on a sub, except for mayonnaise and reposts"

I learned my neighbor is an annoying Reddit user

After a storm blew down my fence and I had to repair it, he stormed over complaining about reposts.

The US Military today confirmed that two marijuana users were killed when an aircraft crashed into a house shortly after takeoff.

Experts are saying it's the first recorded instance of killing two stoners with one bird.

An uncreative man who cant think of a User ID buys a chair on Amazon.

*Username* checks out.

A remote laptop user calls tech support

A remote laptop user called in and frantically said that all of her emails disappeared. I found them in her deleted folder a few moments later.

Expecting her to want me to tell her how she deleted them, I was trying to come up with solutions for her but then she said, "I know how those got...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Did you hear about the Viagra user who slipped in the bathroom?

He pole vaulted out the window

What does the apple user do when he wants to customize his device?

He adjusts the volume.

What did the CEO of Reddit say to its users

[Edit] Nothing

Mr. Zuckerberg how do you sustain a business model in which users don’t pay for your services?

Zuckerberg: “1010011010”.......Ahem

Zuckerberg: “Senator, we run ads”

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Damn girl are you a reddit user?

Because you give me the same fucking shit, day after day!

what does an oncologist and an excel user have in common?

they both kill cells

What's the last thing that r/pcmasterrace would do to XBox/PlayStation users?

Console them

Boy George would be a wonderful reddit user.

He would get a lot of karma karma karma karma karma chameleon.

How do you confuse an Apple user?

Give them options.

Why are wheelchair users fans of Liverpool FC?

Because they’ll never walk alone.

Wife of a r/jokes user gave birth to beautiful twins.

He held the first baby and his eyes watered up, his heart filled with joy witnessing this miracle. He was speechless.


Then the nurse handed him the second baby, he gave the baby one hard look and handing the baby back to the nurse he uttered a single word "Repost"

Told my boss my idea for a game where the user would steal an idol from a cave monster.

He told me to run with it.

What do iPhone users and Future Trunks have in common?

They both really hate Androids.

If Mac users care more about the environment more than Windows users

Then why do Macs have a trash can and Windows has a recycling bin?

What is a Linux user's favorite game?

sudo ku

What Is The Hardest Thing for A Cocaine User To Do?

Nothing.

Would you agree that it’s bad for Facebook to steal users’ blood and use it to create a clone army?

That’s an interesting question that I’ll have to discuss further with our team. Did you know I started this company in my dorm room?

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A meth user, An alcoholic, and a prostitute are all in a car. Who's driving?

The Police.

A hotel is filled to capacity with Reddit users, what happens next?

username checks out.

So many reddit users make this ONE mistake:

They always fall for clickbait

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What kind of Olive Oil do Reddit users use to masturbate?

Extra Virgin

A Pokemon go user walks into a bar

Because he was too busy looking at his phone to notice it

If iPhone user started getting on your nerves

Just ignore them by plugging your earbuds into the 3.5 mm jack of your phone.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I am borrowing this joke from a torrent day user who doesn't seem to exist anymore. Let his joke live on!!!

�When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don�t take it out on someone you know. Take it out on someone you don�t know, but you know deserves it. I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I�d forgotten to make. I found the number and dia...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Isn't this whole Ashley Madison hack exactly what their users wanted?

To get fucked by a third party?

Why do Muslims respect Quora users?

'cause they're Quorans.

Worst wifi password ever.

USER: What's the wifi password?

TECH: fourwordsalluppercase

USER: [typing] FOUR WORDS ALL UPPERCASE

TECH: No. It's one word, all lowercase.

USER: [typing] onewordalllowercase

TECH: [screaming] NO, it's "fourwordsalluppercase"! ONE WORD, ALL LOWERCASE!!!

What did the reddit user say to the CEO of reddit Ellen Pao

[This Post was Removed]

Windows 10 users won't get this.

Privacy.

Each comment thread is a joke, but each user may only post one word.

You may only comment one word, or reply with one word to another comment. Good luck!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What did the wisemen, who were Reddit users, say to Jesus?

We come bearing GIFs.

You shouldn't make a character in your game based off of a Reddit user

It would be OP

My mom told me to make like a Windows 10 user

And live life on Edge.

Where do all r/jokes users get their jokes?

The recycle bin.

How many Google plus users does it take to change a lightbulb ?

All of them actually . Two to hold the ladder and one to change the lightbulb .

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

How did the Tinder user get stuck on a date with a neo-Nazi?

She swiped alt-right.

How many Apple users does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. Once the bulb goes out, they replace the house.

Why are the_donald users not cucks?

First of all you'd need a girlfriend to begin with.

What do you call a group of Linux users?

*Club Penguin.*

Samsung Gn7 user here. despite all the abuse they're getting I was surprised that it's actually a really great phone

I mean the battery life alone just blew me away

What's the difference between a Pokemon Go player and a Facebook user??

Pokemon Go players are only wasting their own time ;)

All of the Apple fanboys are missing the main feature they can hold over android users

Their nude pictures are automatically synced to 4chan and reddit.

A Instagram user walks into a bar...

A Instagram user walks into a #bar #pub #brewery #happyhour #bigplace #beer #night #party #fun #photography #conceptual #art #drink #peperoni #olives #lights #table #chair #followme

How many /r/Jokes users does it take to make a Joke?

WRONG! They don't make it, they steal it...

What's the toughest commandment for IV drug users to follow?

Don't take God's name in vein.

What is the most common question asked by iPhone users?

"Does anyone have a charger I could use?"

how many /r/jokes user does it take to repost a joke?

three.
one to actually do it, one to complain that it has been done before, and another one to repost the said repost

Listening to your wife is like reading iTunes' user agreement...

... you don't understand anything, but you still agree with it.

Arguing with my wife is like reading an End User License Agreement

I don't understand much of what she's saying and end up clicking on 'I Agree' anyway

What do Steam users and Reddit admins have in common?

They don't want to pay for mods.

what do Tumblr users and fungi have in common?

they both have over 60 thousand genders