“Me and my fellow wheelchair users are appalled this congress voted down the wheelchair accessibility bill,” the senator exclaimed.

“We will not stand for this.”

What did the Reddit user say after setting off a bomb in a bank?

Edit: Wow this blew up! Thanks for the gold!

If a Mac user

If a Mac user sees a crime being committed, does she become an iWitness?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How many reddit users does it take to replace a lightbulb?

1 to make a post about it,
4 to mention that its the wrong forum,
1 to post it to the right forum,
7 to suggest op should post it to the electronics forum,
2 to post it to the electronics forum,
1 mod to delete the second post,

3 to suggest an image post would have gathered mor...

How many r/jokes users does it take to change a light bulb?

1000, one changes the light bulb and the others will start upvoting it and copying it and having orgies

A Linux user, a vegan, and an atheist walk into a bar....

I know because they told everybody there

How does the reddit user get karma when they don’t deserve it?

Piece of cake

I have a question for only fans users

Why don’t you get air conditioning instead

A Facebook user walks into a bar...

He orders a shot, takes it, then proceeds to tell the whole bar about it. Then, he gets upset at everyone that doesn't want to take shots with him.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Damn girl are you a reddit user?

Because you give me the same fucking shit, day after day!

Scientists have recently discovered that 3 out of 5 habitual marijuana users developed over productive saliva glands.

When asked if anything can be done, one leading scientist advised, "Yes, you can either spit, or get off the pot".

Why do reddit users hate facebook?

Because you need to have friends to be on facebook.

What is the most surprising, deranging, and panicking thing for a reddit user ?

Unprepared blue cheese.

Did you hear about the two drug users who injected curry powder thinking it was heroin?

One got a dodgy Tikka and the others in a Korma.

Why don't Twitter users make good soldiers?

Because they are quick to retweet

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A gang of cutlery users have turned every silent K in the world into an audible K.

Those kniving bastards.

The front page is filled with memes in reference to that guy being dragged off of a plane. I can't remember the last time the entire reddit user base was so...

... United.

Two cannibals are eating an r/jokes user.

One cannibal turns and asks the other,

"Does this taste funny to you?"

Netflix is cracking down on password sharing as it turns out one-third of users share logins

Recent news from the company shows they are not worried about the other two-thirds who are Redditors with no friends

A priest begins to wonder if his religion is really the only ‘true’ religion. In his search he finds an Internet forum with like mined faith/spiritual seekers, and quickly befriends a Jewish Rabbi, and a Buddhist monk.

The three debate for months, with no real progression as such, until a post appears from a new user, claiming to be the purest, living descendant of Adam & Eve. He further claims, that to those who truly believe, he will grant the secret to human evolution.
All but the monk immediately dismi...

Tik Tok is mostly just millions of users imitating each other.

They should change the name of the app to Kpy Kat.

My father is my favorite redditor.

When I was a young boy, not long ago, I came to my father to show him a school essay that I wrote.

-Dad ! I talked about you in my essay.

-What did you say ?

-I said that you were kind, charismatic, handsome, intelligent, respected by all your peers... And that you were my fa...

I once had a relationship with a blind woman

It was very rewarding but also quite challenging.

It took me *ages* to get her husband's voice right.

How do you know when a Reddit user has left their hotel?

Their username checks out.

Which Greek god are r/jokes users descendants of?

Poseidon. Because they Control C

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pornhub premium users are like jesus

They pay for our sins.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why is P0rnhubs number 1 user Darth Maul?

(I’m gonna get banned for this) Because he’s really horny

An Internet Explorer user was recently mugged by a snail, a turtle, and a sloth.

When reporters asked him if he could describe the muggers, he responded, "Not very well. It all happened so fast."

Why shouldn’t you recommend a book to a social media user?

Because they have probably already Reddit

Recent polling of Redditors indicates users prefer Paul Bunyan and his animal companion to the current mascot.

Seems you prefer the blue moo in lieu of the Snoo.

How many Discord users does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They prefer dark mode.

The misuse of users' Facebook data has caused Mark Zuckerberg significant emotional distress.

He asks that you respect his privacy during this challenging time.

What do you call friendly and intelligent Reddit users?

Bots.

What does the apple user do when he wants to customize his device?

He adjusts the volume.

What kind of Instagram user would COVID-19 be?

An Influenza

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A wheelchair user rides towards a bar.

On his way in he notices a man stood by the door smoking a cig.

The wheelchair user looks at the smoker and says "you do know that there is no reason for doing that at all. It won't make you feel better. It won't help you to fit in. It won't make you look cool."

"Really" says the smoke...

Amish users of reddit, what is it like going about your day to day life without technology?

Hello?
Hello?
Anyone there?

A Reddit user, a Reddit user, and a Reddit user walk into a bar.

The first one orders a coke. Five minutes later the second one orders a coke and the whole bar starts cheering, another five minutes later the third one orders a coke and the whole city erupts in thunderous applause.

How do you confuse an Apple user?

Give them options.

Wife of a r/jokes user gave birth to beautiful twins.

He held the first baby and his eyes watered up, his heart filled with joy witnessing this miracle. He was speechless.


Then the nurse handed him the second baby, he gave the baby one hard look and handing the baby back to the nurse he uttered a single word "Repost"

What is a Linux user's favorite game?

sudo ku

What’s the difference between an Apple user and an android user.

Say “nine hundred and eleven” to Siri for the punchline.

The year is 2028 and /r/Jokes is still going strong.

A new user gets on to /r/jokes and sees the most upvoted joke just says "28"

The second most upvoted joke says "3915"

The third most upvoted joke says "756"

He can't see why they're getting so many upvotes, so he comments "These aren't jokes, they're numbers"

The mod repl...

What do you call the connection between a family of Force users?

The Force Kin.

Dear Mac users

Isn't it dark with no windows

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the Reddit user say after robbing a bank?

Fuck there's no gold left because of how many times this has been reposted

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Reddit is releasing its own brand of olive oil in honor of its users

It only comes in extra virgin

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

PornHub now requires users to watch at LEAST 10 minutes of MILF dwarf content before accessing anything else.

That's just a bare mini-mum.

Most reddit users will be safe from Coronavirus.

Heath authorities say it spreads from human contact.

Why are jokes like user interfaces?

If you have to explain them, they are probably not that good.

New user: "How come my new printer doesn't work in Linux?" Linus: "You need the right driver."

"My chauffeur's outside."

Mr. Zuckerberg how do you sustain a business model in which users don’t pay for your services?

Zuckerberg: “1010011010”.......Ahem

Zuckerberg: “Senator, we run ads”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Isn't this whole Ashley Madison hack exactly what their users wanted?

To get fucked by a third party?

9/10 Reddit Users are Morons

I'm glad I'm the 1%

A Tik-Tok user who shot videos in the airport was taken to the hospital today..

He was diagnosed with terminal cancer.

"I'll close all other applications and only keep my internet browser up to save processing power,"

Said the Google Chrome user.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do Apple users live in basements?

Because they don't like Windows!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does Covid-19 and a reddit user have in common?

They want to be inside anyone that touches them, but it's only the sick and old they have a chance of fucking.

(Wash your hands and keep your distance out there)

How many StackOverflow users do you need to screw in a lightbulb?

Why do you need to screw in a lightbulb?
You should instead use a flashlight.

Internet discussion:

user kiki357: HEEEEY, HOW ARE YOU? I'M NEW HERE!

user ukili: Try pressing CapsLock.

user kiki357: AWESOME, NOW I DON'T HAVE TO KEEP PRESSING SHIFT!!!!

I met a reddit user today

he gave me the damn flu.

How did the app control all of its users?

Karma

A Pokemon go user walks into a bar

Because he was too busy looking at his phone to notice it

A user is new to Reddit.

His friend—who is a longtime user—agrees to show him around the site. They go to r/jokes, and the user simply posts “7.”

Immediately, people begin upvoting and commenting their approval. The new user is puzzled.

The Reddit veteran then posts “13,” much to the pleasure of the sub. The p...

The US Military today confirmed that two marijuana users were killed when an aircraft crashed into a house shortly after takeoff.

Experts are saying it's the first recorded instance of killing two stoners with one bird.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do Welsh men and Apple users have in common?

Both are fucking sheep.

What did the reddit user say to the CEO of reddit Ellen Pao

[This Post was Removed]

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pornhub Announces Free Premium Access for Italian Users

During a hard situation, Italians will finally be able to come together!

Give a homeless guy a meal he is happy for a day. Give a reddit user a joke.

They are happy for 4 years re-posting.

Paralampics

Three wheelchair users in the Paralympics have tested positive for WD40

How would you spot a linux user?

Don't worry they will tell you themselves!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Well known fact.

95% of reddit users are sad lonely wankers....

The other 5% are liars.......

To all the Android users who just can't seem to gain administrator access to their devices on their own:

We're rooting for you!

iPhone users, don’t bother sending the “Meteor” emoji to your Android friends...

...It won’t have the same impact.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Damn girl are you a Reddit user?

Cause when you post a title with a typo you can never fix that shit.

How many Reddit users does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one to do it the first time, then countless others telling their own version of the task in a repost.

What do you call a magic user that can't stop laughing?

A Wheezeard

What do birthday parties and Reddit users have in common?

All anyone cares about is the cake.

Headline: Herb-Powered Vehicle Sends User to Past or Future of Choice

Byline: Thyme Travel

If Mac users care more about the environment more than Windows users

Then why do Macs have a trash can and Windows has a recycling bin?

Each comment thread is a joke, but each user may only post one word.

You may only comment one word, or reply with one word to another comment. Good luck!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A love story

A Love Story


Micro was a real time user and a dedicated multi-user. His broad-band protocol made it easy for him to interface with numerous input/output devices, even if it meant time sharing.

One evening Micro arrived home just as the sun was crashing. He had parked his Motorola ...

You can improve the average intelligence of reddit users right now.

Just delete your reddit account.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If alcoholics get whiskey dick, what do heroin users get?

Poppycock.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

All of the Apple fanboys are missing the main feature they can hold over android users

Their nude pictures are automatically synced to 4chan and reddit.

What is a technique used by both swordfighters and Reddit users?

Riposte

The number of Firefox users in Bikini Bottom is dwindling...

In the future everything will be Chrome.

A reddit user goes to order a foot long sandwich...

The sandwich maker asks, "What would you like on your sandwich?"

The user says, "Oh, I like anything on a sub, except for mayonnaise and reposts"

Bloody Passwords

PASSWORD PROBLEMS:

WINDOWS: Please enter your new password.

USER: cabbage


WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters.

USER: boiled cabbage



WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical character.
...

A new user posted a question on r/ask

**u/Newbie:** Hey, what's that character at the top of every page?

**u/User:** Snoo

**u/Newbie:** What's snoo?

**u/User:** Oh, nothing much. What snoo with you?

Mark Zuckerberg is really upset that Facebook is about to be fined $5 billion by the FTC for misusing users’ personal data.

Please respect his privacy at this challenging time.

What is the most common question asked by iPhone users?

"Does anyone have a charger I could use?"

Why are wheelchair users fans of Liverpool FC?

Because they’ll never walk alone.

To make a better Internet, I compiled a list of scams and manipulation techniques in order to raise awareness in the most gullible users.

Number 27 will make you cringe

So many reddit users make this ONE mistake:

They always fall for clickbait

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A meth user, An alcoholic, and a prostitute are all in a car. Who's driving?

The Police.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the Viagra user who slipped in the bathroom?

He pole vaulted out the window

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Theres only three buisnesses that refer to their customers as users.

Software, porn, and drug dealing

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