UPJOKE
usecoatingusersoftwareinterfaceapplettechnologylotioncoveringdiligenceapplyprogramusageword processorcomputer program

The reasearch center is accepting applications for people that are willing to do experiments with radiation

They don't pay cash but you will get exposure

"I'll close all other applications and only keep my internet browser up to save processing power,"

Said the Google Chrome user.

What do you call a software wizard that installs applications?

The Wizard of OS

The self-depreciation society is taking applications for new members.

I've already put myself down.

Whenever I hire people, I throw half of the applications in the trash can.

I don't want any unlucky people working for me.

I am finally ready to accept applications for my deer cloning business...

It's for anyone looking to make a quick buck.

I used to put college on job applications but I had to stop...

Turns out during job interviews, no one is impressed that you pledged ligma sugma boffa.

When you're hiring for your business, take the stack of applications, and throw half of them out without reading them.

You don't want to be surrounded by unlucky people, do you?

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance -- particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.


In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs...

A secretary is helping her boss sort through job applications to pick a winner

The first thing the boss does is close his eyes, pick out 5 at random, and throw them in the trash. Puzzled, the secretary asks "why did you do that?"

The boss responds, "I dont want to hire an unlucky person"

Whenever I get a stack of job applications, I always choose half at random to throw away.

After all, I can’t have unlucky people working for me.

On job applications I put “Can pee with morning wood” under skills.

When the employer asks me why I just say “Well because it’s kind of hard”

Fill out job applications in crayon...

...and if you don’t get hired, just blame it on your color.

Whenever I have a lot of applications for a single job position, I throw half of them away

Sure I might be missing out on a great candidate. But then again, who wants someone with bad luck on their team.

The circus was in town and was taking applications from the local townspeople for wildly unique acts.

The interviewer was at the end of a long fruitless day of these local no-talents, when the last applicant, Jack, stepped up to the table.

“Ok”, said the interviewer, “what’s your special talent?”

“I do bird imitations!”, replied Jack.

The interviewer sighed and shook his head. ...

Starting my job search next week.

Been at the same job for over 20 years, kinda burnt out so I'm going to find something else. Heading out to put some applications in, gonna hit Kmart, Sears, Radio Shack, and last resort Toys-R-us. Wish me luck everybody!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of new space and valuable resources. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure.

In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all ot...

Job Application

I was going through a stack of job applications on my desk when one caught my attention. While the applicant’s employment history was stellar, and her education history was certainly above average, apparently she had a few personal problems. Under “Marital Status” she’d written, “Not good” and under...

I've been learning keyboard shortcuts

I have decided to start learning and using keyboard shortcuts, they are really convenient and can actually save you quite a bit of time.

For example:

The Windows key + D will minimize everything and go to your desktop

Alt Tab will switch between applications

Alt Right wi...

Because of COVID19...

We will be converting all TCP applications to UDP to avoid handshakes.

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