UPJOKE
calculatormachineanalog computercomputingprogrammercomputer scienceperipheralhardwaremainframemicroprocessorlaptopvacuum tubemachine codecomputer programserver

Computers Jokes

Why do Americans have good computers?

Because they have no troubleshooting.

Difference between computers and woman

Unlike computers a woman will reject a 3 1/2 inch floppy.

What do women and modern computers have in common?

Neither one will accept a 3 and a half inch floppy

What's a computers worst memory??

Terrorbytes!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I told a girl my dick was like a computer

She asked if that was because it had loads of RAM and a big hard drive.

Oh, the surprise she got when she found out it was microsoft and full of viruses.

Why is Voldemort so good with computers?

He's fluent in Python

Jesus and Satan were having an ongoing argument about who was better on his computer.

They had been going at it for days, and God was tired of hearing all of the bickering.

Finally God said, "Cool it. I am going to set up a test that will run two hours and I will judge who does the better job."

So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away. They moused. Th...

What are Russian computers best for?

ComPutin.

How do computers get drunk??

You know... they just take SCREENSHOTS

Satan was angry because Jesus was always so much better on the computer than he was.

So he went to God and said, "I have been practicing really hard, and although I can't beat Jesus at much of anything, I am pretty sure that I can beat him at computers. So will you set up a contest between us to see once and for all who is the best?"

God reluctantly agrees. He sets up two c...

Our computers went down at work today, so we had to do everything manually...

It took me twenty minutes to shuffle the cards for solitaire.

What do computers like to eat?

Microchips

computers vs humans?

The best joke on mankind is that computers ask humans to prove they are not robots...

How did computers run before Microsoft?

Well.

Why do computers hate going to their file storage?

Because it's a hard drive.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do computers and pooping have in common?

They both end when you logout.

what blood type are computers?

Typo

I've just bought one of those new singing computers.

It's a Dell.

Putin declares all Russian government computers must be Macs

Rumor has it that he's scared to go near Windows.

Why can't computers drive cars?

Because they keep crashing

Computers are not funny

ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI

What do Hutts use to program computers?

Jabbascript

What do you call a man whos attracted to young computers?

A PDFile

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Where are pictures of boobs stored in computers?

Random access mammary!

What do computers identify as?

Binary

What do you call a dating app for computers?

Love at First Site

Did you hear about the winged insect from America that evolved to be compatible with computers?

It was a US Bee

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the similarity between boobs and Raspberry Pi computers?

Both were intended for kids but it’s the adults that end up playing with them more

I was going to tell a joke about computers

But it wasn't very PC.

What’s the difference between Americans and computers?

Americans don’t have trouble shooting

Why don't spiders need phones or computers?

They're on the web anyways.

What do Bad computers and Children have in common?

They're worth more if you sell their parts separately

Why do doctor’s all use windows computers?

Every time they get near an apple it keeps them away.

Two computers walk into a bar. The first computer says “1110001010011011.” The second computer replies “2”.

The first computer says, “Oh, so you’re non-binary?”

Why were older computers heavier?

Because they used a FAT file system!

What do air conditions and computers have in common?

They work fine until you open Windows.

Why can't elephants use computers?

Because they are scared of the mouse

Lumberjacks are bad at fixing computers

They only know how to log out.

How big do computers like their snacks?

Byte sized

The best computers are made in America

They have virtually no troubleshooting.

I’m getting really good at beating computers

Captcha thinks I’m not even human

What OS do Jedi run their computers on?

The DagobahSystem.

I am rebranding computers' energy saving mode

It's a power nap.

Why are old computers so slow?

Because they do things a bit at a time.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.