arnold schwarzenegger was asked to update his laptop to windows 10 but he said...

...I still love vista baby.

Problem with windows

Wife text husband on a cold winter morning :
"Windows frozen won't open"

Husband texts back :
"Gently pour some lukewarm water over it and then gently tap edge with hammer"

Wife text's back 10 minutes later :
"Computer really messed up now"

You’re trapped in a room with unbreakable walls and no doors or windows. All you have is a computer. How do you get out?

Press the escape key.

A man with window cleaning gear knocks at the door.

An elderly woman opens.

"Did you order window cleaning service?"

"Yes. Come on in!"

A few minutes later a man with window cleaning gear knocks at the door.

"Good morning young man. Did you come to clean my windows?"

"Yes"

"That is very kind of you but your c...

I once farted in an apple store.

They got real mad but it wasn't my fault they didn't have any windows.

Why do banks have drive thru windows?

So the cars can meet their real owners.

I left my PC on all night and when I woke up, it was freezing

Turns out, I left the Windows open.

Why do the tanks of the French army have rear windows?

So they can see the battlefield.

How am I the same as windows XP?

Cause I’m always crashing at your mom’s house.

Why is it so hot in Apple?

It's because there are no windows.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Christian Priest arrives at the gates of Hell

"How'd you die?" asked a demon.
The priest replied, "I had a heart attack."
D: Well what happened?
P: Someone broke my windows, popped the tire on my Harley, and stole all my tools out of my shed.
D: Well that'd give anyone a heart attack. But you're a priest! Why are you in hell...

During an earthquake drill, a teacher mentions the age of the school and how the windows might move a bit.

A kid then says, “well that would be a weird flex but ok”

How do penguins open windows?

They drink wine

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My penis is just like Windows

microsoft

A man walks into an Apple store

A man walks into an Apple store and begins to browse some of the items. He looks at phones, then the computers. He finally decides to go to the tablets. In this area, there were a lot more people than in other places.

Suddenly, he released a massive fart that everybody in a 30 ft radius heard...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old Russian Communist is on his deathbed.

His friends are gathered around him all somber. The old man turns to one of them and says,

"Vasya, remember in 1921 you were almost executed? Well, you should know that I ratted you out to the Cheka. I hope you forgive me."

"Oh, no worries buddy." says Vasya.

The Communist then ...

Johnny, a boy who was only a head, sat in the window.

As he sat on the windowsill he watched the other children play and thought "I wish I had a body so I could sit outside with the children while they play..."

For whatever reason, suddenly Johnny got his wish and had a body. His mother placed him outside with the children and he sat and watche...

You're locked in a room with no doors and no windows, just a table and a mirror. How do you escape?

You look in the mirror. See what you saw. Use the saw to cut the table in half. Two halves make a whole. Climb out the hole.

Imagine that you're stuck in a locked room with no windows, no key, no tools, not even a door. How do you get out?

Stop imagining it.

A man walks into a bookshop

He walks around and sees a particular notebook behind a counter that’s locked in a glass box

He asks the cashier what book that is and the cashier says he does not know and needs to get confirmation from the manager. The man asks him to do so.

Moments later, a tall, slender man with pa...

Why do doctor’s all use windows computers?

Every time they get near an apple it keeps them away.

A politician dies...

And ends up standing in front of the pearly gates. Saint Peter looks at him for a second, flicks through his book, and finds his name.

"So, you're a politician..." "Well, yes, is that a problem?" "Oh no, no problem. But we've recently adopted a new system for people in your line of work, and ...

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