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Windows Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A pervert watched a bunch of numbers have an orgy through a window

Some were 69ing, 7 ate 9's ass, you get the picture.

After a while they started to cum in descending order (20, 19, 18, etc.) until 2 came and saw the perv in the window. He got scared and ran away, never looking back.

He never saw that one coming.

Wife texts husband on a cold winter morning: "Windows frozen, won't open."

Husband texts back: "Gently pour some lukewarm water over it and then gently tap edges with hammer."

Wife texts back 10 minutes later: "Computer really messed up now."

Why didn't the terminator upgrade to windows 10?

I asked him and he said, "I still love vista, baby!"

Do you know why Tom wasn't able to close his windows?

Because Jerry had the mouse!

I came home to find all the windows wide open and everything had been taken.

Next year I'll be hiding my advent calendar.

Windows is more environmentally friendly than macOS.

Windows puts your deleted files in the Recycle Bin while macOS just throws them in the Trash.

Why does Windows 10 say "Hello"?

Because my PC is a Dell.


(please don't hurt me it's my first post on r/Jokes omg)

Damn girl are you a windows update?

'Cause I'll do you later

Why do Ladas have heated rear windows?

To keep your hands warm when pushing them.

Windows should pay my laptop

It's always working on updates.

Why do French tanks have rear windows?

So they can see the battlefield!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Windows

John is arrested for breaking windows, found insane, and sent to an asylum. At entry they ask him, What do you want to do?

I want to break all your windows!

After a month they i try again and get the same answer. Another 6 months and still all he will say is,

I want to break all...

If you play a Windows Vista disc backwards, you can hear satanic chanting...

...what's worse, if you play it forwards, it installs Vista.

How do penguins open windows?

They drink wine

Girl, are you a Windows update?

Because not now.

I heard Putin was installing Windows

And Microsoft had to accept his terms and conditions.

Bloody Passwords

PASSWORD PROBLEMS:

WINDOWS: Please enter your new password.

USER: cabbage


WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters.

USER: boiled cabbage



WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical character.
...

Don't complain about Microsoft skipping Windows 9.

They've never been able to count. They came out with Microsoft DOS without ever releasing Microsoft UNO.

We do do windows.

A young woman had the windows in her house replaced with new double-insulated energy efficient windows. Twelve months later, she got a call from the contractor, complaining that the work has been done for a year and she had yet to make the first payment.

The woman replied, "Now don't try to p...

What do you call an antivirus made for windows

Curtains

People are just now upgrading to Windows 11?

Really? I'm already on 98. Why are you all so far behind?

Why do boats have round windows?

So that water doesn't hit you square in the face.

After getting the windows on my car tinted black, I showed it to my wife.

She said, "I wouldn't be seen dead in that thing!"

I said, "That's the point."

Windows & winter !!!!

During a cold winter day a wife messaged to her husband that “the Windows frozen”. Husband replied to pour some warm water on them. After a while husband received a message again “No way, the computer is completely spoilt now” !

Why do Russian officials keep falling out of windows lately?

Because they no longer have the iron curtain.

Why did we skip windows 9?

Because 7 8 9












I'm so sorry

Why isn't there a Windows Vista car in NASCAR?

Because it keeps crashing.

I hate it when Windows 10 resets my default browser...

It puts me on Edge every time

A guy driving a Kia.

A guy driving a Kia pulls up at a stoplight next to a Rolls-Royce...

The driver of the Kia rolls down his window and shouts to the driver of the Rolls, "Hey, buddy, that’s a nice car. You got Wi-Fi in your Rolls? I’ve got Wi-Fi in my Kia!"

The driver of the Rolls looks over and says s...

I’ve been trying to paint my windows.

But instead I might just draw the curtains.

My friend and I bumped into Arnold Schwarzenegger. As fans we asked a lot of questions and ended up asking if he's going to upgrade to Windows 11...

He said, "I still love Vista, baby!"

Breaking News: Bill Gates has agreed to pay for Trump's wall

On the condition he gets to install windows.

I heard Microsoft tried to change the file path separator in Windows

but it received tons of backslash from the community.

--
Source: Aaron Peterson, Twitter.

Say what you want about Windows

but you can't jump out of a Mac

Windows can be fun!

**Client:** How good are you guys at PowerPoint?

**IT Expert:** We Excel at it...

**Client:** Was that a Microsoft Office pun?

**IT Expert:** Word.

Why do doctor’s all use windows computers?

Every time they get near an apple it keeps them away.

What is similar to windows but can instantly detect the cause of most common computer-problems?

A mirror

Hillary Clinton is the Windows 10 of the election

She's terrible at keeping your information safe, keeps promising new upgrades but really has been the same OS since 98, and is constantly trying to install herself when you're happy with the system you've been using for the last 8 years.

Why do banks have drive thru windows?

So the cars can meet their real owners.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I once farted in the Apple Store and everybody got pissed

It's not my fault they don't have Windows

Be nice to windows

When a sheet of glass is disrespected, it experiences extreme discomfort for up to twelve minutes after.
This phenomenon is called window pain

Why is Windows software so predictable?

You can see right through it.

Why can’t Karens get anything done on a Windows computer?

They keep summoning the Task Manager

(Sorry: this came to my mind as I was getting frustrated with my slow computer)

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