What are the LGBTQ community's favorite electronic components?

Transistors

Electronic Arts, the games company, have had their lawyers in court stating that:

”There not loot boxes in our games, there surprise mechanics”.

Yeah right, that's like saying:

”It's not paedophilia its early access”.

Healthy Marriage reminds me of Cheap Electronics

Battery’s not included

A thief walks into an electronic store and grabs a T.V

Owner of the store screams, “Acts 2:38!”

The thief then stays still and doesn’t move.

Police then come in and thief is handcuffed.

Police: “Why didn’t you run? The owner is just an old lady”

Thief: “She said she had an Axe and two .38’s”

Which electronic component do cops hate?

Resistors.

A Blonde walked into a electronics store...

She came in the shop and asked for a Tv. The man asked her which one. She pointed to the one she thought was cheapest. Instantly the guard said "No blondes allowed".

The next day she came in wearing a red wig. She did the exact same thing and the guard kicked her out again.

The 3rd d...

What makes electronics work?

Smoke.
If you let the smoke out, the electronic component stops working.

I'm at a Mexican electronics store and the clerk asked me what kind of cables I was looking for.

I told him, "Audios."

He left and hasn't come back since.

A blonde enters an electronics store...

She goes to the store owner and asks him to sell her the TV she picked.

He refuses, telling her that he can't sell the TV to a Blonde.

She comes back the next day, after dyeing her hair black, and asks him the same question. He again tells her that he can't sell the tv to a Blonde.
...

Elon Musk has a plan to design electronic grass for Mars

He’s calling it an E-Lawn.

Did you hear about the new electronics store that caters to boats, jet skis and other watercraft?

It's called Best Buoy.

How do you get rich from electronics?

Tell janet from homeware that he's been cheating on her.

A man died and went to heaven...

A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him.

He asked, “what are those clocks?”

St. Peter answered, “Those are repost-Clocks, every subreddit on Earth has a repost-Clock. Every time the sub reposts the han...

Where do dogs go to get their electronics?

Best Boy

None of my European electronics worked properly in the US, until I prayed to God.

Turns out they just needed a higher power.

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The Electronic Arts servers were hacked today.

They found a lot of midget shemale porn. There was a lot of micro trans action.

This is the award I got for 10 years at Electronic Arts - My biggest accomplishment

A sense of pride and accomplishment.

A mechanical engineer, an electronics engineer and a software engineer where testing a new automobile..

Going down a hill the brakes started to fail. They careened down the hill at speed, screeching round the corners, narrowly missing cliff faces and sheer drops, and finally coming to a halt by steering up a grassy bank.



"Phew, that was close", said the electronics engineer, "I've got a...

What do you call a circuit board that identifies as a different electronic component?

A transistor

What do you call an electronic elephant?

Elon Tusk

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment.

Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, and held up a handwritten sign that said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and ...

I saw an electronic sign that said 'Check Your Speed' in flashing lights.

Lucky I did, it had almost fallen out of my pocket.

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her, 'Father, may I ask a favour?'

'Of course child. What may I do for you?'

‘Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair dryer for my Mother's birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits, and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Under your robes ...

Did you hear about the electronic chemistry equipment that was sent to prison?

It was charged with a salt in battery.

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[blond] A blond walks into an electronic's shop.

She points to the special offer (50% off!) and says "I want to buy that TV."

The cashier replies "I'm sorry, but we don't serve blonds here."

So, the blond goes home. The next day, she dyes her hair a fabulous brunette, and goes back into the same store, points at the same special, and...

A blonde walks into an electronics store...

and asks the manager, "How much is this TV?"

The manager says to her, "We don't sell to blondes". Furious, the blonde storms back to her home, where she threw on a black wig. She then goes back to the same store and asks the same manager, "How much is this TV?"

Once again, the manager ...

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I asked a black man on the street if he could come fix my speaker set up, since he must be good at fixing electronics.

He told me I used the wrong stereo type.

I just got in an argument with my grandpa about who's generation relies on electronics more

So, I pulled the plug on him. Guess I won that argument

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A Japanese person, a Canadian, an American, and a Mexican were aboard a flight when it started to crash

“The plane is too heavy, we have to lighten the load!“ the pilot exclaims. The Japanese person looks at her baggage full of computers and electronics, and drops it out of the plane. “Its ok, we have plenty of these in my country” she says.

The Canadian person follows suit and empties his lug...

If your phone gets wet, try putting it in a bag of dry rice...

At night, the rice will attract Asians who will fix your electronics for you.

What fuels electronics but drains a relationship?

Battery

An old lady goes up to the help counter at her local electronics store clutching a jar of marmalade.

"I found this in my pantry," she says, "and I'm wondering if it will work. You see? I've strained out all the peel."

"Ma'am, I have no idea what you're talking about," says the geek working the desk.

"The last time I was here," she replies, "you told me that when my printer says LOAD...

A woman with blonde hair walks into an electronics store...

And gestures over a store employee.

"I want to buy this TV." She said.

The store employee replies to her, "I am sorry, ma'am. But we don't sell TV's to blondes. Store policy."

The woman is visibly upset, but formulates a plan. She goes home and she dyes her hair the most ...

I'm starting a company that will sell electronic storage devices and almonds.

I'm calling it "CDs Nuts"

A paladin and a warrior go into a mage's electronics store to buy computers.

The paladin asks for a Dell computer. The mage directs him to aisle five. The warrior asks for a Hewlett-Packard. The mage says "I'm all out of HP." The mage dies.

I’ve always enjoyed nature...

Everyday I talk a walk in the park. As I stroll through the greenery, I gaze at the frogs hopping across the hills. I listen to the chirps of the robins and the songs of the blue jay. I watch as the chittery squirrels nibble away at their precious nuts. I follow the bees who buzz through the daisies...

What do you call a retail store that disables electronics?

An EMPorium

I walked past an electronics store once...

I saw a TV for sale in the window. The sticker said, "TV for sale, volume stuck on full, $1"

I thought to myself, "Wow. I can't turn that down."

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There were three engineers in a car.

One was ***an electrical engineer***, one was ***a chemical engineer*** and one was a Microsoft engineer. Suddenly the car just stopped by the side of the road, and the three engineers looked at each other wondering what could be wrong. The electrical engineer suggested ***stripping down*** the elec...

What does as electronic engineer make for breakfast?

Ohmlettes

My local electronics retailer is having a fire sale.

The Samsung Galaxy Note 7 is the hottest item.

Electronics shop

A blonde walks into a shop and spots a TV. She goes up to the cashier and says "excuse me Sir, can I buy that TV?"

He shakes his head and says "no blondes allowed".

Furious, she goes home, dyes her hair, and walks in the next day. "Can I buy that TV?"

The cashier shakes his head...

So a blonde walks into a electronics store

She says "can I buy this TV"
The clerk says no, "we dont sell to blonds's"
So she buys a redhead wig and goes back into the store
she says "can I buy this TV"
the clerk says "we dont sell to blonde's"
So she buys a brunette wig and goes into the store
She says, "can I buy this TV"<...

i asked my wife to send me a naughty picture on snapchat...

so she sent one of our kids playing in my electronics drawer

A man owns an elections store

One day, another electronics store opens up beside him with a massive sign proclaiming "Best deals"

In the afternoon of the same day another electronics store opens up on the other side with a ginormous sign claiming "lowest prices"

The man is worried until he has a brilliant idea. The...

A blonde goes shopping..

A blonde walked into an electronics store and said to the salesmen: "I want that tv." The salesperson shook his head and said, "No, we don't sell to blondes." So the blonde left and came back with her hair dyed brown and said: "I'll take that tv." Again the salesman said: "No, we don't sell to blond...

I went to my first Ethiopian electronic concert yesterday

The DJ was MT Stomach

A blind woman goes out shopping...

A blind old woman goes out shopping, and instead of walking into the local electronics store, she ends up walking into the pet store.

She says to the manager at the desk: "Hello there. I was wondering, do you sell infrared grillers?"

The manager says back: "I'm afraid we don't have tho...

What do you call the electronic process of making a sandwich?

A sub routine.

A blonde walks into an electronics store...

and says to an employee,
"Excuse me sir, I'd like to purchase that TV." while pointing.
The employee says "We don't sell to blondes."
The blonde leaves as wonders what she can do about this. The next day, the same lady goes to the store with her hair dyed black and says,
"Excuse me sir,...

If you drop your phone in water you should place it in a bowl of rice.

Asian people are attracted to the rice and are very good at repairing electronic devices.

NB. Thanks for being good sports Asian people!

So there was this alien who came down to earth

An alien came down to earth and wanted to know how to act. He first stopped by a recording studio, where he heard someone singing “me me ME me me me...”
The alien then repeated, sing slightly off-key “me me ME me me me...”
The next place he went to was a fast food place, where he heard the cas...

A group of scientists.

A group of scientists implant electronics on ants to try and control them. They start with a small batch of 5 ants. Each ant has a codename - they're called D1, D2, D3, D4 and D5.

Each ant is assigned a task and data is collected about its behaviour. Scientists observe that D1, D2, D3 and D4 ...

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You can't have that TV until....

Long ago, a teenage kid went into an electronics store in New York. He really liked this TV and he wanted to buy it. Since his dad was very rich, he knew he could purchase it no matter what. So heads up to the store owner and asks him, "How much for that TV?" The store owner says, "That TV is not fo...

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The year: 2029. A brilliant scientist is constructing the first sentient artificial intelligence.

He's working out of his garage in San Francisco, living on charitable donations from his worried friends. He dropped out of college when he realized he could change the world — there's no going back; his life is dedicated to this project. At first, he is met with failure upon failure. But then, he r...

I went to an Art Gallery, it was $60 to enter and $80 to look at each picture.

It was called Electronic Arts.

First Stephen Hawking, now Avicii?

Tough year for the Electronic community.

Why did the German cross the road?

Because the electronic traffic signal indicated that it was the appropriate time to do so.

Computer games are said to be a bad influence on kids.

Nonsense - my generation grew up playing Pac-Man, but did we end up dashing around dark rooms and swallowing white dots while listening to electronic music?

A man comes back from a vacation in China, and he is asked by a Customs officer what is he bringing in such a big luggage. "Food for my chickens," he replies.

"Do you mind if I take a look?"

"Not at all, please go ahead," replies the kind man.

The officer opens the luggage and finds about fifty brand new electronic devices, from cell phones to tablets to notebooks to speakers.

"You think I'm stupid??? Food for your chickens???"
...

The Ultimate Computer

The Ultimate Computer stood at the end of the Ultimate Computer Company's production line. One day, a guided school tour arrived.
The salesman stepped forward to give his prepared demo. "This," he said, "is the Ultimate Computer. It will give an intelligent answer to any question you may care to ...

Alliteration

A husband and wife were resting on a beach when they noticed a girl with a travel bag. She would approach people with boom boxes and other electronic devices and speak to them. Occasionally she would hand them something and walk off.


"She's probably selling drugs," said the woman.

...

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Boomboxes on the beach

A couple lived near the ocean and used to walk the beach a lot. One summer they noticed a girl who was at the beach pretty much every day.

She wasn't unusual, nor was the travel bag she carried, except for one thing. She would approach people who were sitting on the beach, glance around, then...

Three men are on an expedition to the Amazons

They get captured by local savages, tied and brought to the head of the tribe.

'White men are destroying our land' he says, showing a pile of garbage, with electronics, pots, forks, newspapers.
'You're gonna swallow your trash, and then i'm gonna let you leave, but if you fail, we'll skin ...

I met a Nuclear Engineer the other day.

He had a bunch of Electronic Engineers buzzing around him.

20 Things to do Before You Die...

1) Look at see through glass and when someone is on the other side shout "OH MY GOD, I'M HIDEOUS!"
2) Bring a big chair into the elevator facing away from the door and when someone walks in, dramatically turn and say 'we've been expecting you.'
3) Walk up to someone, hand them a potato, look t...

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An Amish man and his son are exploring a department store

They look on in amazement at all the items available in all the different departments. As they venture further into the store, the man and his son come across an elevator. The man stares in bilwilderment at what this strange machine does when an old, obese woman in a electronic wheelchair scoots by,...

Wet phone solution.

Person 1: If you drop your phone into some water, fill a bag with rice and put the phone in the bag and sit it on the kitchen bench overnight.
During the night, the rice will attract asians who will fix your broken electronics.

Person 2: Dude, that's not how it works. They would eat the ri...

So a man walks into a bar with a 1-foot-tall well-dressed person behind him

The man pulls an electronic piano out of his pocket and sets it up on the bar, then sets up a tiny little stool. The foot-tall man takes a seat, cracks his knuckles, and begins to tickle the ivories in the most beautiful manner the bartender has ever heard.

As the sweet melodies resounded th...

The most well known person in the world

Some Spanish guy named "Manual"... A copy of his autobiography, printed in multiple languages, comes free with every electronic device or machinery... although much of his life story is lost in translation.

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Game Warden goes fishing [long]

This fellow got hired by the Conservation Department as a game warden. He just loved all things hunting and fishing, and being new in town, started asking around where the good fishing holes were. Finally he came to this little country bar, and asked the bartender. "Charlie catches more fish than...

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Calling in sick...

A young man had just got a job at an electrical store and was to start work on Monday. Unfortunately, he called in sick for the day. The boss was a little annoyed but decided that shit happens and let it go.

The guy came in Tuesday and sold a stack of electronics, and continued on for the res...

Cruise Control

*Author's note: I just came up with this while working my tech-related job, and I'm posting from my phone. I apologize if the joke just isn't as funny as I think it is, or if there are any formatting mistakes.*

A cruise ship is swept up in a violent tropical storm, throwing it off-course. The...

Clinton, Sanders, Trump and Cruz are having lunch together...

and they're discussing why each thinks they'll win.
"I have the support of women and minorities" says Clinton. "I have the support of intellectuals" says Sanders "I have the support of the average american tired of politics as usual" says Trump.
Cruz just smiles..."I have the support of the pe...

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I've decided on a name for my new Real Doll(sex-bot).

eClaire.

"Why?"

Because she'll be electronic and cream filled.

United announced they will reprimand their employees on the infamous flight.

They should have asked the passengers to turn off all electronic devices, before knocking out the doctor.

In my early 20s, I was a scumbag - no car, no house, no job. I lived at with my girlfriend's apartment, and sometimes I'd even borrow her car when I went out to cheat on her.

I say "borrow", but I didn't exactly ask her for permission. She worked as a bank teller, so I'd simply wait till she fell asleep -- Then I'd sneak into the night.

When I returned, I'd adjust the seat, radio, and mirrors back how they were before. The less questions, I figured, the better, ...

Job Interview

A games programmer is at a job interview at Electronic Arts.

As the interview comes to an end, the interviewer glances down at the programmer's résumé and sees "please turn over" written at the bottom.

He turns the résumé over, but finds that the other side is blank.

The intervi...

we don't sell to blondes

A blonde goes to an electronic store and asks the salesperson, pointing at the appliance "how much is this microwave for?" The salesperson replies "Sorry we don't sell to blondes." The blonde is angry and changes her attire and goes to the store the next day with brunette hair, she points to the app...

A burglar breaks into a house...

He starts searching the house for valuables and comes across some jewelery, which he begins to stuff into his bag. Just then a menacing voice echoes through the house moaning "Jesus is watching you". The burglar looks around, sees no one and decides his imagination is just playing tricks on him. As ...

Burglar breaks into a house

He starts grabbing all the expensive electronics and sending them out the window.

As he's carrying away the stereo system he hears a soft voice call out, "Jesus is watching you..."

Looking around he can't see anyone, so he decides to ignore it.

Later, while carrying the tv, he h...

will you enjoy some humour?

Q: Why doesn't law permit a man to marry a second woman?
A: Because as per law you cannot be punished twice for the same offense!

------------ --------- ---------

Man: Is there any way for long life?
Dr: Get married.
Man: Will it help?
Dr: No, but the thought of long li...

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