UPJOKE
unrealfancifulfantasynotionalimaginedmagicalmythologicalfictionalalienfantasticalinfiniteinanimateevilmetaphoricalmystical

Imaginary Jokes

My friends laughed at me when I told them I had a hot date and they said she was imaginary...

Well the jokes on them – they’re imaginary too...

I have an imaginary friend, but he keeps making fun of me.

He keeps saying, “At least I have a real friend.”

All my friends keep saying that my new girlfriend is imaginary...

Joke's on them, so are they

Son: "Dad, I have an imaginary girlfriend!"

Dad: " You know you can do better."

Son: "Oh! Thanks Dad, that means a lot."

Dad: " I was talking to your girlfriend. "

What do you call an imaginary color?

A pigment of your imagination.

When I was a child I had many imaginary friends.

They were real people... I just imagined they were my friends.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Imaginary Friend.

I once had an invisible friend from Japan.


My mum said it was just my imagine Asian..

What did the imaginary girlfriend say?

The first rule of relationship is don't talk about the relationship.

Courtesy of my 11-year-old: Dad, what's the difference between a humorous reference and an imaginary bread?

One is a wry allusion and the other is a rye illusion.

I had a fight with my imaginary girlfriend.

She said I was never really there.

A child with an imaginary friend is normal

An adult with an imaginary friend is strange,

And a group of people with an imaginary friend is called religion.

My girlfriend is like the square root of -100.

A solid 10, but also imaginary.

Sometimes I hide my girlfriend's inhaler

So the neighbors think I'm a stud when they hear her panting, "Give it to me!"

Tacos are imaginary -- a mathematical proof

tan = sin / cos (definition of tangent)

ta = i / co (cancel n and s)

taco = i (multiply both sides by co)

Which mathematical phenomenon only uses imaginary numbers?

The Fib-Bonacci Sequence.

While daydreaming, I started having an imaginary argument with my wife.

I still lost the argument.

My gf is like the square root of negative one hundred

She's a perfect ten but imaginary

My imaginary friend's coming to stay tonight

So I’ve made up a bed for him

Imaginary Friend:

A little boy got told off by his Mum for having an imaginary friend.

His mum then said get your coat, Little boy asks, why where are we going? Church replies Mum.

Two old men are sitting on either end of a park bench...

On one side, the old man is quietly reading his newspaper.

On the other end of the bench, that old man is pantomiming fishing. He takes our an imaginary worm, baits an imaginary hook, casts out with his imaginary rod, and slowly reels in the imaginary line. He then unhooks an imaginary fi...

What do you call adults with imaginary friends?

Religious

Why are mathematicians always so happy?

Because the root of their negativity is imaginary.

Did you hear about the guy who got 10 years in jail for using imaginary numbers?

He was an accountant.

The difference between cold and hot is imaginary

chill and chilli

What do you call an imaginary German Shepard?

K-nein

What do you call a company that replants fields of grass using cropduster airplanes?

A re-seeding airline!



This joke sucks but it's my cakeday and I was told there would be plentiful imaginary internet points .... XD

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Y’know, imaginary numbers are all fun and games...

... until someone loses an i

Then shit gets real.

Harry potter refuses to acknowledge he is imaginary

He is in daniel.

I used to have an imaginary friend.

Then I quit going to church.

My imaginary girlfriend

My imaginary girlfriend broke up with me.

Still no idea how she'd found out about my wife.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In a mental institution a nurse walks into a room…

In a mental institution a nurse walks into a room and sees a patient acting like he's driving a car. The nurse asks him, "Charlie, what are you doing?" Charlie replied, "Driving to Chicago!" The nurse wishes him a good trip and leaves the room.
The next day the nurse enters Charlie's room just a...

Two human can multiply to produce more humans by mating. But two imaginary human can't multiply to produce more imaginary humans.

The resulting human will be negative.

I think my German buddy has an imaginary friend

He keeps asking me if I "See Kyle"

I always hang out with my imaginary friend.

People used to think I'm crazy talking to myself in public.

But everything is fine now; I wear airpods.

What do you say to gigantic imaginary rhinoceroses?

It doesn't matter, they're largely irrelephant.

Doctor, I’m worried about my son. He spends all day measuring imaginary bottles of orange soda.

Don’t worry ma’am, it’s normal for boys his age to spend their time fantasising.

My imaginary girlfriend broke up with me last week.

She said: "Things are getting too REAL."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm learning about imaginary numbers...

I can finally plot my sex life.

My wife and I went to see a psychiatrist. "What can I do for you?" he asked. "Our son has got an imaginary friend." said my wife.

"There is nothing wrong with a good healthy imagination to help a child to develop and this is very common and nothing to worry about at all." said the psychiatrist.

"We haven't got a son." I replied.

Did you ever have an imaginary friend? Why yes, I did! Really? What was his name?

Dad.

My friend wanted to know what an imaginary number is

I said “think of a number between 1 and 10”.

Me and my imaginary alphabet friends took a group photo together

When I looked at the picture only I was in it

A man working on an imaginary high voltage transformer was found dead in his home.

He had apparently received a fatal shock from the fictitious device.

Investigators who later examined it concluded that this was because it was not grounded in reality.

I'm sorry, the number you have dialed is imaginary.

Please rotate your phone 90 degrees and try again.

Did you hear about the math teacher who’s afraid of imaginary numbers?

Neither did *i*.

 

 

^^^^^Edit: fixed typo.

What do you call a line without an imaginary number?

One.

I have low self esteem so I made an imaginary girlfriend.

But she dumped me...

When I was young

I didn’t have any friends. Even my imaginary friends wouldn’t hang out with me.

Everyone on the planet is chasing imaginary monsters with their phone

But when I do it I need to "grow up" and "quit looking for Bigfoot."

I was shopping for shoes for my imaginary friend

He was a size 10i

"According to relativity, time itself travels at the speed of light, but along the imaginary axis."

"i c"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I asked my Imaginary Friend if we could ever have sex, and do you know what she said?

"In your dreams."

Euler's Number, an imaginary number, and the speed of light are all waiting in line to buy tickets to the show. In what order do they stand in line?

*i* before *e*, except after *c*.

Why was 7 afraid of i?

Nobody knows for sure, but everyone agrees his fear is only imaginary

I heard the Russians are serving their soldiers complex dishes to eat

The plates are real. But the food is imaginary.

Sorry, horrible math joke.

My friend was having trouble with a maths question - They couldn’t decide if a number was real or imaginary

I told them not to try and simplify something so complex.

My girlfriend has the body of a Greek Godess;

Imaginary

If BJ is Bad Joke then what is B+iJ?

Complex Bad Joke.

And if you didn't find it funny, that's because the Joke part was imaginary.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[ NSFW ] Little billy is out back in his yard, playing with his toy airplane when his mother happens to glance out of the open window.

8 year old Billy "flies" his toy airplane around, making engine noises until it, presumably at it's imaginary destination, comes screeching to a halt.

" Ladies and gentlemen", says billy, pretending to be the captain. "Everyone getting the hell out should get the hell out. And anyone getting ...

A behavioral scientist confronts her lab's receptionist:

'For the last time, I'm analyzing simulated populations. Not "playing with my imaginary friends"!'

(Shamelessly plagiarized from New Scientist)

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.