UPJOKE
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Creating Jokes

*Creating password*

"MTWTFSS_MTWTFSS"

ERROR: [Password two week]


^Edited ^for ^better ^understanding
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On day six of the Creation, God announced to his archangel underlings, "Today we're creating a place called Canada.

"Today we're creating a place called Canada. Pull out all the stops. Give it beautiful mountains, lakes, plains, forests, and sandy beaches. Underground, give it oil, gold, etc. Oh, and plenty of fish and wildlife."

"Sir," interjected an archangel, "aren't you being overly generous to the...

God was creating all the countries and it was Canada's turn

He turned to his angels and said "this country will have unmatched beauty, plenty of natural resources, and its citizens will be the happiest and friendliest in the world"

The angels ask God, "aren't you blessing this country a little TOO much?" and God replies, "wait till you see who their n...
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God is creating the world, and he talks to the canadians

He says to them “You will have the best land ever. It is beautiful, in the summer it is warm and in the winter it snows beautiful snow flakes. It is called Canada. You will have prosperity and food for all your days.”

He then gets the Australians, and says to them “I give to you Australia. Yo...

Creating a joke is one thing. But delivering it is another.

I think my mother did a commendable job in that regard.
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You can really see how much Trump cares about creating jobs in this country

The White House seems to always be hiring.
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Creating a new password

Enter password

'Snowflake'

Re-enter password

'Snowflake'

Your passwords are not alike
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Why do we call the aliens creating the pyramids a conspiracy theory?

It's obviously a pyramid scheme.
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I was thinking about creating glass coffins… will they be popular?

Remains to be seen……
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I started a business creating religious statues..

I have yet to make a prophet
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Stallone thought of creating an action movie about composers.

Stallone: I'll play Beethoven

Van Damme: I'll be Mozart

Schwarzenegger: Shut up! I'll not say it.
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God was just about done creating all the world's creatures

...when he noticed a hundred tiny legs sitting on the ground. He gave them all to one creature.



Centipede: "YESSSSSS!!!!!!!

Worm: "Dude, seriously??"
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So God and an Angel are creating Humans…

GOD: So when it's cold, we'll make nipples do what?

ANGEL: Make em hard?

GOD: Nice, nice, everybody loves boobies. How about dicks?

ANGEL: Shrink em!

GOD: *laughing so hard tears run down his face*

God, creating ducks:

Waterproof that chicken and give it a kazoo.
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God creating humans..

When God was creating the human race, he lined up all the males on one side and all the females opposite. Then he asked, "Which of your species would like to urinate standing up?"

Well, the males went crazy, shouting that they wanted to pee standing up.

"Fine", says God, "Women get mul...

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What did God say after creating the first digestive system?

Shit just got real.

Shortly after creating them, God is introducing Adam and Eve to The Garden.

"These are the trees and bushes that bear fruit for you to eat. These are the bodies of water, for you to drink from. These are the animals, for you to name. And this is the forbidden fruit, which you must never eat."

"And what's that?" says Eve, pointing to something on her left.

"Oh ...
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What did God say upon creating the penguin?

Well that'll never fly.
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On the sixth day

**ON THE SIXTH DAY... **

**God Creating Spiders**

God: Make it have 8 legs

Angel: Seems excessive but OK

God: And 8 eyes

Angel: You need to calm down a li-

God: Give it a bum rope

**God Creating Kittens**

God: make them fluffy & adorable li...

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God Creating Spiders

God: Let it be, that from here onwards spiders shall have eight legs.

Archangel Gabriel: As you command, lord.

God: Also they shall have eight eyes instead of the normal two.

Archangel Gabriel: That seems slightly excessive doesn’t it? But as you wish lord.

God: And gi...

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God creating critters

Angel: *Hey God, you gotta minute?*

God: *What's Zzzupp bobby, my compadre!*

Angel: *Its Jose, but whatever, can we go over your most recent animal submission*

God: *Yeah, but hurry, Fox 911 is about to come on*

Angel: *Ummm ok, 8 legs, mysterious, can be poisonous, eats ...

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It's better to use butter when creating a recipe

That way you have more margarine for error

Need some help creating fake certifications

Apologies if this isn't a good sub to post a request like this. Happy to pull it down.

My coworker has been taking a lot of short online certification courses. Every day he finishes a new course, prints out the certificate of completion and proudly hangs the certificate up on his wall. He's ...
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When I first started using reddit, I had problems creating a new account

I tried to use "penis" as my password but they said it was too short.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

God has finished creating Adam and Eve

They stand before him and he says, “I have two things left but I don’t know who should get what.”
Adam asks “What’s the first one?”
God says “the ability to pee standing up.”
Adam immediately says “Oh! Yes please! I want that one!” Before Eve could utter a word.
God says “Done!” And Ada...

I'm creating a company that will rival Microsoft

Its called Macrohard
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Nobody can argue that Trump is creating jobs.

A position as an Iranian general just opened up.
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Why were Loki's powers centered around creating illusions?

It allows him to be low-key with his mischiefs.
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God creating humans

God: They will walk on 4 legs

Angel: Give them 2 legs and 2 arms

God: Ye, you're right

Angel: But give them toes

God: Why?

Angel: For the furniture, trust me it will be hilarious

God : LMAO, nice idea
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How do you call a reporter that is creating news by just laying there?

Bench press.
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Creating a drug that destroys mitochondria...

is a waste of energy
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Did you know the seagull was gods third attempt at creating the bird...

The A-gull and B-gull weren't quite right.
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Trump is so good at creating jobs

He’s even creating daycare jobs down at the border
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God was creating all the countries and it was the United Kingdom’s turn.

He turned to his angels and said, “ They shall live on a miserable damp island, they’ll barely get along with each other and be constantly on each other’s throats if not dealing with other countries, have bland food, the worst dental hygiene and have this insufferable fantasy about their country bei...
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My friend blamed himself for creating a fight club

I told him "Don't beat yourself up"
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I creating a new extreme outdoor/camping company

It's going to be Intense.
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Sociologists say that social media is creating the laziest generation ever.

I expressed my opinion in great detail by hitting the “Like” button.

I'm thinking of creating a new heavy metal band.

Osmium should do it.
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Facebook is creating a dating site

They should call it DataFarmersOnly
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When God was creating man he said to assistant

Put little toe on his feet too.
Assistant: why?
God: for furniture.
Assistant: furniture?
God: just put it on you will see it would be pretty funny.
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Men should thank God for His grammatical errors when creating us

He forgot a period.



(Edit: Woo original content!)
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God was just about finished creating Adam and Eve...

...and told them "Okay guys, I've got two attributes left to give you--one for each of you. I'm going to let you choose which you each want. The first is, you get to pee standing up."

Adam jumps on that one right away. God says, "are you sure? You haven't heard the second one yet!" to wh...

Netflix is creating a movie about Reddit starring Arnold Schwarzenegger.

It will be called *Total Repost*.
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I'm creating a WWE match between origami figures.

It's paper view.
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God is creating the world

The Archangel Michael flies up to him just as god is creating a piece of land. "So what are you going to call this place, sir?" asks Michael. "I am going to call it Israel. I'll make it the most beautiful land in the world, an oasis in the desert, with rich land, beautiful women and magnificent beac...
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After creating the Nile, God became the first self promoter on twitch.

"Check out my stream!"
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I'm creating a petition based on the position of peoples belly buttons, so...

Are you in or out?

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