What do you call a singing desktop computer?

A Dell.

Last night I woke up, startled, to a female’s voice coming from my desktop. “Hello,” it said, “It’s me.”

Upon further inspection,
I realized it was just
a Dell.

A documentary about the history of the computer desktop was recently given an R rating...

Turns out every icon was a little graphic.

A chemistry teacher is having problems with her desktop...

So she asks the class:
"How do I unfreeze my computer?"

After a few seconds, one student raises their hand and responds:
"What's the melting point?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was at the bar.... [NSFW]

And some lady dressed like a tramp kept trying to rub my arms. I kept telling her to quit handling me like I was her boyfriend when I didn't even know her. She wouldn't leave me alone, and finally she offered me a desktop computer in exchange for sexual favors. I swear this lady was high as a kite t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So Satan asks God to let him back into Heaven...

God says "Satan, you've betrayed me before, but I am a just and forgiving god. You may get back into Heaven, if you can beat my only son in a programming contest."

Satan and Jesus meet to agree to the terms. The contest is a simple one. God will set a timer for six hours, and both Jesus and S...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

For milder grievances with co-workers, try this:

When your colleague leaves their computer unattended, jump on & create a new desktop folder. Call it say **"MyBestialityPorno"**. Take a screenshot of the desktop. Delete the folder. Set screenshot as the computer *wallpaper*.

When your vic gets back & notices, they'll try furiously t...

How to check whether you have a fast PC...

Click anywhere on your desktop (not on icon).

Quickly press on keyboard Ctrl+A then Enter.

So you will know.

How to hide your important files from people without making Hidden folders

1. Go to your Desktop and make a new folder named Internet Explorer
2. Change the folder's icon to Internet Explorer
3. Keep it in your favorite corner of the desktop

Now, no one will open internet explorer!

A goalkeeper and a striker are arguing over who's the better writer in their soccer team.

Their argument becomes so heated that their coach suggests that they do an essay-writing competition. The two teammates agree.

The next day, the two of them are told to spend 2 hours typing an essay on the team's history and tactics on two old-fashioned desktop computers with attached printer...

Computer joke of the day!

>Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
Customer: "Ok."
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up u...

NASA sends a redneck and a chimpanzee to the moon.

When the rocket lands on the moon's surface, the computer screen automatically switches itself on & the chimpanzee clicks on the desktop file that contains his instructions:-

1)....Ensure that rocket has landed at the correct co-ordinates and is anchored safely.
2)....Check ALL l...

Short comical narrative I wrote

The detective’s heels clicked on the cement steps as he approached the door. The deputy ducked under the police line behind him. He knocked and the door was slowly opened by the woman. The blue and red lights were reflected in her wet eyes.
“Mrs. Johnson?” He asked.
“Yes. . . ?” The wo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Celebrity Computer Viruses

Monica Lewinsky virus: Sucks all the memory out of your computer.

Ronald Reagan virus: Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored.

Mike Tyson virus: Quits after one byte.

Oprah Winfrey virus: Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands to 300MB.<...

Seasick jokes

What do armed forces at sea feel when depressed?
The Navy blues

What part of the Mac's desktop would seafarers miss when at sea for a loooong time?
The Dock

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