If you keep a rocket in your home

the chances of having a household incident go through the roof

How do you make a small fortune in the rocket industry?

By using a trampoline.

Mike Hughes flew a home-made rocket to prove the earth was flat and killed himself.

Wait what subreddit am I on?

Woke up with Elton John’s Rocket Man stuck in my head, hope it leaves soon

But I think it’s gonna be a long long time

Elon Musk is reported to have written a short joke on his Crew Dragon rocket

I guess the real joke will be in the comets.

Here's a list of jokes I came up with, sorry if they've already been made

\- I would make a divorce joke, but I can't commit to it.
\- I would make a sticker joke, but it'd probably wear off.
\- I would make a rocket joke, but I'm not sure if it would land.
\- I would make a yoga joke, but that's a bit of a stretch.
\- I would make a joke about philoso...

Did you hear about the guy who launched himself in a home-built rocket to attempt to prove the Earth is not a globe?

You could say he became a flat earther.

Why did the rocket scientist stop working a project?

He had no comet-ment.

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NASA builds a rocket that’s shaped like a penis

One of the workers comes up to the head engineer and asks,

“Will it fly?”

“I’m not sure, but it’ll definitely get up.”

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America buys a rocket from the Russians

As they start working on it, it stops working. They call the Russians and they say they will send their best technician.

The tech arrives and gives the rocket a look, presses a button and the rocket hums to life, ready for work. He gives the Americans the bill

"10k?!?! For a single but...

Do you want to hear a joke about the Israeli army?

A general asks a young soldier, what will you do if you see 20 soldiers coming to attack you? The soldier says that I would take an Uzi and shoot them.

The general asks him what if a tank is coming to kill you? I would take a rocket launcher and defend myself replied the young soldier.
<...

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An american, a german and an argentinian are sitting in a room.

The american, to assert dominance, out of nowhere says, "My country created the best space rocket, that got us to the moon first. That makes me better than you."

The german exclaims, "Ja, I clean my ass with your rockets." And he follows, "My country created tanks, an unbeatable force in bat...

Why shouldn't you use a fitting room in a store run by Team Rocket?

They might try to take a Pikachu!

The rockets were approaching...

So Iran.

What do you call a rocket which eats other rockets?

A cannibalistic missile.

An old Soviet anecdote [WARNING: GORE]

A chief talks to his tribe:

— Are we the greatest tribe?

Entire tribe shouts:

— YES!!!

— Then we need our own nuclear bomb and a rocket to carry it!

— YES!!!

— Let's build them then.

The tribe chopped down the thickest and tallest tree in the forest, ...

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What's it called when a rocket flies into Uranus?

Space X

In the year 2045 Elon is tired of importing ice-cream from Earth to the Martian colonies.

The next day he puts a group of dairy cows on a rocket to Mars.

But inter-planetary customs officers make him hold the rocket in orbit while they inspect the cows. Earth leaders don't want to lose the tax revenue from exporting ice-cream and are looking for a reason to reposes his cattle. ...

A skydiver jumps out of a plane and soon discovers his chute won't open.

As he's plummeting to his death, he sees a man rocketing up toward him from the ground.

As the two men pass each other, the skydiver shouts, "Do you know anything about parachutes?"

The man says, "No. Do you know anything about gas leaks?"

Where do you file uncategorized rocket items?

Under missile-enious.

A new talented astronaut ascends to space carrying the expectation of all his crews

But moments just before he reached space, he decided to turn the rocket back and land back on earth.
After he got out, people questioned why he did that.
He said “my teacher once asked me what my dream was and when I said to become astronaut, she said well, the sky is your limit”

What do you call it when you fall asleep on a rocket?

Spacing out

Did you hear about the manned rocket that crashed shortly after launching from Alabama?

All the system warnings went off, but for some reason the pilot could not abort.

The moon landing was staged

The rocket they used had multiple stages

I hate rocket jokes...

...They always go over my head.

Which rocket is best for getting rid of people?

Dis Missle

Why couldn’t bob and Doug get their microphones working?

Because it’s not rocket science

I made a group for rocket scientists once

It really took off

My friend told me that his DIY liquid rocket made it to space...

I told him to quit being hypergolic.

What do you get when you combine the Rock and E.T.?

(From my little brother)

A rocket

How do NASA organize rocket launches

They planet

When I was a kid, I wanted to be a rocket scientist..

Nowadays, I just sell weed.
It's not too far off, though. I still get people very high.

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Railroad tracks, a horses ass... and rockets! [Long]

The US standard railroad gauge (the distance between two rails) is 4 feet 8.5 inches... an exceedingly odd number.


Why was that gauge used?

Because a number of the early railroad lines in the US were built to fit standard-gauge locomotives manufactured by English railroad pioneer G...

I was at a party and there was a big bowl of mixed alcohol and fruit juice, with a long line of brain surgeons, rocket scientists, and Nobel prize winners all queuing up to drink it...

...I thought what a great punch line.

What’s the difference between outer space and a Palestinian child?

Less rockets were launched into space.

What do you do when Team Rocket stops breathing?

You give them Meowth to Meowth.

What's so cool about the nitrous/ethanol powered rocket?

You can continue to get higher even when the engine is turned off.

Life is so simple unless you work for NASA or SpaceX

Everything else is not rocket science.

I've invented a rocket that intercepts incoming warheads by consuming them.

It's a cannibalistic missile.

The Falcon Heavy is now the world’s most powerful rocket

The Falcon Heavy can put around 140,000 pounds of cargo into lower Earth orbit, more than twice as much weight as any other operational rocket. This powerful vehicle could open up entirely new types of business for SpaceX: launching heavy national security satellites or even sending large modules or...

Since Trump nicknamed Kim Jun-Un Rocket Man, when Christmas comes along..

he can call him missile toe.

Joke originally told by my coworker today, who is a master of puns.

Will Trump ever apologize for calling Kim Jong-Un a "rocket man"?

Well I think it's going to be a long, long time...

Pakistan launches a rocket to Moon.

Pakistani News channel reports: "Water and fishes found on Moon."


BBC reports: "Pakistani satellite found in Arab sea."

Once a man went to a rocket station and asked for ticket to the moon.

The attendant said, " Sorry sir, the moon is full just now."

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Redneck vasectomy

After the birth of their 9th child, a redneck couple decided they'd had enough because they couldn’t afford a larger bed. The husband went to the veterinarian and asked to be snipped. "Me'n my cousin don't want no more kids"

The vet told him he could get a vasectomy, but it was expensive. "Th...

It's a little known fact that Elton John doesn't like iceberg lettuce

he's a rocket man.

What do you call a handjob from a rocket scientist?

A stroke of genius.

Nasa was experimenting with different animals in space.

Monkeys were an obvious choice, but they had no patience. Mice chewed all the cables, dogs were too stupid and chickens were always scared. It seemed the only animal that could cope with the intense stress of space travel was a chilled out alley cat.

After a few months of testing and training...

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Team Rocket Were Caught Performing a Lewd Sex Act...

Ass to Meowth

A newly hired operations manager spends a week with the outgoing operations manager in order to learn his new duties and responsibilities.

As the outgoing manager gets ready to leave for good, he tells the new manager that he has placed three numbered envelopes in the top drawer of the desk. He tells the new manager that each time he runs into a crisis that he cannot solve to open an envelope, starting with the first one, and follow th...

What do rocket scientists say about a task that is relatively easy?

It's no social skills!

A falcon 9 rocket lands on the roof or a bar called GE

The barkeeps yells at the rocket..Hey aren't you that rocket that landed up there before? Yes, yes I am bar GE!!
The barkeep yells back but of course I still love you.

Can anyone help me with starting a rocket science club at school?

I'm having trouble getting it off the ground.

99% of humanity Works on the principle of rocket science.

It does not mean , we always aim for the sky;

it means that we do not start work unless our tail is on fire.

Why do Scarecrows Make Great Rocket Scientists?

...because they're out-standing in their field!

It's isn't rocket science

A patient on the dentist's chair was scared and quite apprehensive about the procedure he was going to undergo.

He asks a lot of questions and details from the dentist.

The dentist says, reassuringly:

"Relax, it's not brain surgery....Unless I slip."

I always wondered why Pikachu's electric shock blasts off team rocket but not Ash.

I guess Ash is just better grounded.

At what time in the day do rockets eat and why?

At noon because they take LAUNCH.

The astrophysics class I wanted to take got filled up, and I now have to think of another course to replace it.

It’s not Rocket Science.

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A Paris cheese shop is hit by a German rocket moments after being evacuated by the Americans. "Watch out for debris!" shouts the owner to a GI standing in the ruins of the crumbling shop.

"Fuck off and save your own damn Brie" the GI called back, moments before being killed by a falling piece of masonry.

How do you put a baby astronaut to sleep?

You rocket

There's nothing more annoying than people who get their sayings wrong.

I mean, it's not rocket salad.

Rockets? Maybe. But the Chinese haven't contributed to aviation.

After all, two Wongs don't make a Wright.

One Finn

A large group of Russian soldiers in the border area in 1939 are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a small hill: "One Finnish soldier is better than ten Russian". The Russian commander quickly orders 10 of his best men over the hill where Upon a gun-battle breaks out and con...

Two Israelis are sitting on the beach in Tel Aviv, reading.

One has got a quality newspaper, the other an antisemitic rag. "Why on earth are you reading that?" one asks. "I used to read a quality paper like you," the other sighs, "but I couldn't handle it any more – the rockets from Gaza and Hezbollah getting stronger every day and the Iranian nuclear progra...

How are the Houston Rockets just like Metapod?

All they've got is Harden

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After seeing the Kim Kardashian cover of Paper Magazine, Sir Mix-a-lot, reportedly tipped his hat, muttered that his work here was done and rocketed into space to return to his home planet

Uranus...

The Americans are using a new type of rocket that constantly updates its Facebook status until it reaches its target.

It's an attention-seeking missile.

So there's two astronauts on a rocket...

One says to the other, "Get Ready, it's almost time for launch." To which the other says "Launch?! I haven't even had breakfast yet!"

Two men stumble across a hole in the woods.

They want to see how far down it goes, so they look around for something to drop inside.

One man notices an old rusty anvil.

With great effort, they drag it to the hole and push it inside.

The watch the anvil drop into the hole, and even after it disappeared into the blackness, ...

The secret of recent explosion of Antares rocket

The decades old Soviet rocket engines it used were engineered to fly TO America, not AWAY from it.

Why should you never smoke at a salad bar?

Because you might ignite the rocket

Why did NASA cancel the all-female spacewalk?

None of them would go outside the rocket wearing the same outfit.

What do you call a bee in a space rocket?

bracket

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