Elon Musk is reported to have written a short joke on his Crew Dragon rocket

I guess the real joke will be in the comets.

Mike Hughes flew a home-made rocket to prove the earth was flat and killed himself.

Wait what subreddit am I on?

Why did the rocket scientist stop working a project?

He had no comet-ment.

Woke up with Elton John’s Rocket Man stuck in my head, hope it leaves soon

But I think it’s gonna be a long long time

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America buys a rocket from the Russians

As they start working on it, it stops working. They call the Russians and they say they will send their best technician.

The tech arrives and gives the rocket a look, presses a button and the rocket hums to life, ready for work. He gives the Americans the bill

"10k?!?! For a single but...

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What's it called when a rocket flies into Uranus?

Space X

What do you call a rocket which eats other rockets?

A cannibalistic missile.

What’s the difference between outer space and a Palestinian child?

Less rockets were launched into space.

Where do you file uncategorized rocket items?

Under missile-enious.

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NASA builds a rocket that’s shaped like a penis

One of the workers comes up to the head engineer and asks,

“Will it fly?”

“I’m not sure, but it’ll definitely get up.”

Why shouldn't you use a fitting room in a store run by Team Rocket?

They might try to take a Pikachu!

What did the soviet rocket say as it took off?

Soyuz guys later

Which rocket is best for getting rid of people?

Dis Missle

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If Elon Musk made love to a woman while on his rocket to Mars...

Would that be SpaceX space sex?

Why couldn’t bob and Doug get their microphones working?

Because it’s not rocket science

What do you call it when you fall asleep on a rocket?

Spacing out

What do you get when you combine the Rock and E.T.?

(From my little brother)

A rocket

Did you hear about the manned rocket that crashed shortly after launching from Alabama?

All the system warnings went off, but for some reason the pilot could not abort.

I hate rocket jokes...

...They always go over my head.

My friend told me that his DIY liquid rocket made it to space...

I told him to quit being hypergolic.

Life is so simple unless you work for NASA or SpaceX

Everything else is not rocket science.

I made a group for rocket scientists once

It really took off

How do NASA organize rocket launches

They planet

What's so cool about the nitrous/ethanol powered rocket?

You can continue to get higher even when the engine is turned off.

When I was a kid, I wanted to be a rocket scientist..

Nowadays, I just sell weed.
It's not too far off, though. I still get people very high.

It's a little known fact that Elton John doesn't like iceberg lettuce

he's a rocket man.

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Railroad tracks, a horses ass... and rockets! [Long]

The US standard railroad gauge (the distance between two rails) is 4 feet 8.5 inches... an exceedingly odd number.


Why was that gauge used?

Because a number of the early railroad lines in the US were built to fit standard-gauge locomotives manufactured by English railroad pioneer G...

I've invented a rocket that intercepts incoming warheads by consuming them.

It's a cannibalistic missile.

The Falcon Heavy is now the world’s most powerful rocket

The Falcon Heavy can put around 140,000 pounds of cargo into lower Earth orbit, more than twice as much weight as any other operational rocket. This powerful vehicle could open up entirely new types of business for SpaceX: launching heavy national security satellites or even sending large modules or...

Will Trump ever apologize for calling Kim Jong-Un a "rocket man"?

Well I think it's going to be a long, long time...

Since Trump nicknamed Kim Jun-Un Rocket Man, when Christmas comes along..

he can call him missile toe.

Joke originally told by my coworker today, who is a master of puns.

Redneck vasectomy

After the birth of their 9th child, a redneck couple decided they'd had enough because they couldn’t afford a larger bed. The husband went to the veterinarian and asked to be snipped. "Me'n my cousin don't want no more kids"

The vet told him he could get a vasectomy, but it was expensive. "Th...

Pakistan launches a rocket to Moon.

Pakistani News channel reports: "Water and fishes found on Moon."


BBC reports: "Pakistani satellite found in Arab sea."

What do you do when Team Rocket stops breathing?

You give them Meowth to Meowth.

Nasa was experimenting with different animals in space.

Monkeys were an obvious choice, but they had no patience. Mice chewed all the cables, dogs were too stupid and chickens were always scared. It seemed the only animal that could cope with the intense stress of space travel was a chilled out alley cat.

After a few months of testing and training...

A newly hired operations manager spends a week with the outgoing operations manager in order to learn his new duties and responsibilities.

As the outgoing manager gets ready to leave for good, he tells the new manager that he has placed three numbered envelopes in the top drawer of the desk. He tells the new manager that each time he runs into a crisis that he cannot solve to open an envelope, starting with the first one, and follow th...

The astrophysics class I wanted to take got filled up, and I now have to think of another course to replace it.

It’s not Rocket Science.

Dad: Son, you aren't allowed to use weapons of any kind unless you're being attacked.

Me:*proceeds to kill mosquito with a rocket launcher*

Once a man went to a rocket station and asked for ticket to the moon.

The attendant said, " Sorry sir, the moon is full just now."

What do you call a handjob from a rocket scientist?

A stroke of genius.

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Team Rocket Were Caught Performing a Lewd Sex Act...

Ass to Meowth

How do you put a baby astronaut to sleep?

You rocket

There's nothing more annoying than people who get their sayings wrong.

I mean, it's not rocket salad.

Can anyone help me with starting a rocket science club at school?

I'm having trouble getting it off the ground.

What do rocket scientists say about a task that is relatively easy?

It's no social skills!

A falcon 9 rocket lands on the roof or a bar called GE

The barkeeps yells at the rocket..Hey aren't you that rocket that landed up there before? Yes, yes I am bar GE!!
The barkeep yells back but of course I still love you.

At what time in the day do rockets eat and why?

At noon because they take LAUNCH.

99% of humanity Works on the principle of rocket science.

It does not mean , we always aim for the sky;

it means that we do not start work unless our tail is on fire.

I always wondered why Pikachu's electric shock blasts off team rocket but not Ash.

I guess Ash is just better grounded.

Two Israelis are sitting on the beach in Tel Aviv, reading.

One has got a quality newspaper, the other an antisemitic rag. "Why on earth are you reading that?" one asks. "I used to read a quality paper like you," the other sighs, "but I couldn't handle it any more – the rockets from Gaza and Hezbollah getting stronger every day and the Iranian nuclear progra...

One Finn

A large group of Russian soldiers in the border area in 1939 are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a small hill: "One Finnish soldier is better than ten Russian". The Russian commander quickly orders 10 of his best men over the hill where Upon a gun-battle breaks out and con...

It's isn't rocket science

A patient on the dentist's chair was scared and quite apprehensive about the procedure he was going to undergo.

He asks a lot of questions and details from the dentist.

The dentist says, reassuringly:

"Relax, it's not brain surgery....Unless I slip."

Why do Scarecrows Make Great Rocket Scientists?

...because they're out-standing in their field!

Why should you never smoke at a salad bar?

Because you might ignite the rocket

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A Paris cheese shop is hit by a German rocket moments after being evacuated by the Americans. "Watch out for debris!" shouts the owner to a GI standing in the ruins of the crumbling shop.

"Fuck off and save your own damn Brie" the GI called back, moments before being killed by a falling piece of masonry.

we should stop making fun of the Americans for using inches, foot, miles, etc as units of measurements.

it's not like they crashed a rocket into Mars because of this or something... oh wait...

What does Team Rocket and a Peeping tom have in common?

They are both always trying to get a Pikachu.

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After seeing the Kim Kardashian cover of Paper Magazine, Sir Mix-a-lot, reportedly tipped his hat, muttered that his work here was done and rocketed into space to return to his home planet

Uranus...

Rockets? Maybe. But the Chinese haven't contributed to aviation.

After all, two Wongs don't make a Wright.

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Two priest's were taking a piss...

...in the urinals one day and the one priest looks down and see's a nicotine patch on the other guy's dick.

He says, "I'm not really a rocket scientist or anything, but, isn't that supposed to be on your arm?"

And the other priest goes, "Nah, it's working fine. I'm down to two butts ...

Why did NASA cancel the all-female spacewalk?

None of them would go outside the rocket wearing the same outfit.

How are the Houston Rockets just like Metapod?

All they've got is Harden

Two men stumble across a hole in the woods.

They want to see how far down it goes, so they look around for something to drop inside.

One man notices an old rusty anvil.

With great effort, they drag it to the hole and push it inside.

The watch the anvil drop into the hole, and even after it disappeared into the blackness, ...

The Americans are using a new type of rocket that constantly updates its Facebook status until it reaches its target.

It's an attention-seeking missile.

So there's two astronauts on a rocket...

One says to the other, "Get Ready, it's almost time for launch." To which the other says "Launch?! I haven't even had breakfast yet!"

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The year: 2029. A brilliant scientist is constructing the first sentient artificial intelligence.

He's working out of his garage in San Francisco, living on charitable donations from his worried friends. He dropped out of college when he realized he could change the world — there's no going back; his life is dedicated to this project. At first, he is met with failure upon failure. But then, he r...

The secret of recent explosion of Antares rocket

The decades old Soviet rocket engines it used were engineered to fly TO America, not AWAY from it.

A man is driving around the city when he comes to a junction where a railroad and the street intersect.

Seeing a woman texting on the other side, he decides to get out of his car and stand on the tracks.

There's a rumble and a train is heard in the distance.

"Shouldn't you get off there?" the woman asks, bemused at his stupidity.

The man decides to impress her by ducking out at th...

The Meaning of Life

A Redditor walks into a bar and asks the bartender

“Bartender, get me something new and fresh from r/jokes.” He chirped

“Sorry mate, all we have are reposts from the last 8 years”

“How can this be!” The Redditor exclaimed “If I can’t get my fix from r/jokes, then what is the poi...

What do you call a bee in a space rocket?

bracket

My friends found a cool racing game.

Recently my friends and I found an interesting new game, it’s sort of like a mix of an MMORPG and a racing game. You play as a car and you level up and get cool new gear and it makes you better and also looks cooler.

Anyway, we played this game for quite a while, slowly improving and getting ...

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