Where do you file uncategorized rocket items?

Under missile-enious.

Did you hear about the manned rocket that crashed shortly after launching from Alabama?

All the system warnings went off, but for some reason the pilot could not abort.

Which rocket is best for getting rid of people?

Dis Missle

What do you call a rocket which eats other rockets?

A cannibalistic missile.

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If Elon Musk made love to a woman while on his rocket to Mars...

Would that be SpaceX space sex?

What do you call it when you fall asleep on a rocket?

Spacing out

A newly hired operations manager spends a week with the outgoing operations manager in order to learn his new duties and responsibilities.

As the outgoing manager gets ready to leave for good, he tells the new manager that he has placed three numbered envelopes in the top drawer of the desk. He tells the new manager that each time he runs into a crisis that he cannot solve to open an envelope, starting with the first one, and follow th...

It's a little known fact that Elton John doesn't like iceberg lettuce

he's a rocket man.

My friend told me that his DIY liquid rocket made it to space...

I told him to quit being hypergolic.

I made a group for rocket scientists once

It really took off

Why shouldn’t you go to the bathroom with Team Rocket around?

Because they might take a Pikachu!

There's nothing more annoying than people who get their sayings wrong.

I mean, it's not rocket salad.

How do NASA organize rocket launches

They planet

Elon Musk is reported to have written a short joke on his Falcon Heavy rocket.

I guess the real joke is in the comets.

What's so cool about the nitrous/ethanol powered rocket?

You can continue to get higher even when the engine is turned off.

I was at a party and there was a big bowl of mixed alcohol and fruit juice, with a long line of brain surgeons, rocket scientists, and Nobel prize winners all queuing up to drink it...

...I thought what a great punch line.

How do you put a baby astronaut to sleep?

You rocket

Will Trump ever apologize for calling Kim Jong-Un a "rocket man"?

Well I think it's going to be a long, long time...

Once a man went to a rocket station and asked for ticket to the moon.

The attendant said, " Sorry sir, the moon is full just now."

I've invented a rocket that intercepts incoming warheads by consuming them.

It's a cannibalistic missile.

The Falcon Heavy is now the world’s most powerful rocket

The Falcon Heavy can put around 140,000 pounds of cargo into lower Earth orbit, more than twice as much weight as any other operational rocket. This powerful vehicle could open up entirely new types of business for SpaceX: launching heavy national security satellites or even sending large modules or...

Redneck vasectomy

After the birth of their 9th child, a redneck couple decided they'd had enough because they couldn’t afford a larger bed. The husband went to the veterinarian and asked to be snipped. "Me'n my cousin don't want no more kids"

The vet told him he could get a vasectomy, but it was expensive. "Th...

Why should you never smoke at a salad bar?

Because you might ignite the rocket

Since Trump nicknamed Kim Jun-Un Rocket Man, when Christmas comes along..

he can call him missile toe.

Joke originally told by my coworker today, who is a master of puns.

Nasa was experimenting with different animals in space.

Monkeys were an obvious choice, but they had no patience. Mice chewed all the cables, dogs were too stupid and chickens were always scared. It seemed the only animal that could cope with the intense stress of space travel was a chilled out alley cat.

After a few months of testing and training...

When I was a kid, I wanted to be a rocket scientist..

Nowadays, I just sell weed.
It's not too far off, though. I still get people very high.

What do you do when Team Rocket stops breathing?

You give them Meowth to Meowth.

Pakistan launches a rocket to Moon.

Pakistani News channel reports: "Water and fishes found on Moon."


BBC reports: "Pakistani satellite found in Arab sea."

One Finn

A large group of Russian soldiers in the border area in 1939 are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a small hill: "One Finnish soldier is better than ten Russian". The Russian commander quickly orders 10 of his best men over the hill where Upon a gun-battle breaks out and con...

What is Kim Jong Un’s favorite game to play?

Rocket League

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A Turk, an American and a Russian are going on a space mission.

They’ll have to stay for a year and observe various space anomalies.

Before they go, they are given the right of picking a stock of something they like for keeping their morale up.

Russian goes for Vodka and he gets 30 bottles of Smirnoff.

American wants some bacon, it’s granted...

Two Israelis are sitting on the beach in Tel Aviv, reading.

One has got a quality newspaper, the other an antisemitic rag. "Why on earth are you reading that?" one asks. "I used to read a quality paper like you," the other sighs, "but I couldn't handle it any more – the rockets from Gaza and Hezbollah getting stronger every day and the Iranian nuclear progra...

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Two priest's were taking a piss...

...in the urinals one day and the one priest looks down and see's a nicotine patch on the other guy's dick.

He says, "I'm not really a rocket scientist or anything, but, isn't that supposed to be on your arm?"

And the other priest goes, "Nah, it's working fine. I'm down to two butts ...

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Railroad tracks, a horses ass... and rockets! [Long]

The US standard railroad gauge (the distance between two rails) is 4 feet 8.5 inches... an exceedingly odd number.


Why was that gauge used?

Because a number of the early railroad lines in the US were built to fit standard-gauge locomotives manufactured by English railroad pioneer G...

What do you call a handjob from a rocket scientist?

A stroke of genius.

A falcon 9 rocket lands on the roof or a bar called GE

The barkeeps yells at the rocket..Hey aren't you that rocket that landed up there before? Yes, yes I am bar GE!!
The barkeep yells back but of course I still love you.

Two men stumble across a hole in the woods.

They want to see how far down it goes, so they look around for something to drop inside.

One man notices an old rusty anvil.

With great effort, they drag it to the hole and push it inside.

The watch the anvil drop into the hole, and even after it disappeared into the blackness, ...

we should stop making fun of the Americans for using inches, foot, miles, etc as units of measurements.

it's not like they crashed a rocket into Mars because of this or something... oh wait...

A man is driving around the city when he comes to a junction where a railroad and the street intersect.

Seeing a woman texting on the other side, he decides to get out of his car and stand on the tracks.

There's a rumble and a train is heard in the distance.

"Shouldn't you get off there?" the woman asks, bemused at his stupidity.

The man decides to impress her by ducking out at th...

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Team Rocket Were Caught Performing a Lewd Sex Act...

Ass to Meowth

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A mans car womt run, so he takes it to the mechanic...

Mechanic: you used subpar fuel wich corroded your injectors and intake manifold.

Man: english please?

Mechanic: low quality gas ruined your engine.

Man: dumb it down for me, im not a rocket scientist.

Mechanic: bad go-go juice make your vroom vroom machine all fucky.
<...

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What did Rocket Raccoon say after getting stabbed in the back by the rest of the Guardians of the Galaxy?

Et tu, Groote?

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The year: 2029. A brilliant scientist is constructing the first sentient artificial intelligence.

He's working out of his garage in San Francisco, living on charitable donations from his worried friends. He dropped out of college when he realized he could change the world — there's no going back; his life is dedicated to this project. At first, he is met with failure upon failure. But then, he r...

What do rocket scientists say about a task that is relatively easy?

It's no social skills!

Why do Scarecrows Make Great Rocket Scientists?

...because they're out-standing in their field!

Why did NASA cancel the all-female spacewalk?

None of them would go outside the rocket wearing the same outfit.

My friends found a cool racing game.

Recently my friends and I found an interesting new game, it’s sort of like a mix of an MMORPG and a racing game. You play as a car and you level up and get cool new gear and it makes you better and also looks cooler.

Anyway, we played this game for quite a while, slowly improving and getting ...

At what time in the day do rockets eat and why?

At noon because they take LAUNCH.

I always wondered why Pikachu's electric shock blasts off team rocket but not Ash.

I guess Ash is just better grounded.

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The Moon landings were staged...

... specifically, they had three stages, which were discarded in sequence as the rocket ascended to space to save on mass.

It's isn't rocket science

A patient on the dentist's chair was scared and quite apprehensive about the procedure he was going to undergo.

He asks a lot of questions and details from the dentist.

The dentist says, reassuringly:

"Relax, it's not brain surgery....Unless I slip."

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A Paris cheese shop is hit by a German rocket moments after being evacuated by the Americans. "Watch out for debris!" shouts the owner to a GI standing in the ruins of the crumbling shop.

"Fuck off and save your own damn Brie" the GI called back, moments before being killed by a falling piece of masonry.

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The Hunters

Bill and his three hunting buddies head out into the mountains to hunt some deer at a cabin they rented. They bring classic rifles not very strong but good enough to bring down a deer. One of Bill's buddies notices a bear and takes a shot at him. The bullet hits the bear but it does nothing but piss...

99% of humanity Works on the principle of rocket science.

It does not mean , we always aim for the sky;

it means that we do not start work unless our tail is on fire.

Can anyone help me with starting a rocket science club at school?

I'm having trouble getting it off the ground.

Rockets? Maybe. But the Chinese haven't contributed to aviation.

After all, two Wongs don't make a Wright.

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A Russian Soyuz rocket carrying 3 cosmonauts (Russian, American and British) reaches orbit.

Upon arrival at the International Space Station, they are given the surprise of a lifetime - the station has been completely taken over by aliens. These highly intelligent beings, able to appear like humans when needed, have been using the station to monitor activities on Earth.

As the cosmon...

The Space Cat

NASA had run out of monkeys to send to space so they decided to start recruiting cats. However most of the cats seemed more interested in the fabric on the walls than the training courses. But 1 cat stood above them all this one cat outshined all the monkeys that were sent to space so on the big day...

The Meaning of Life

A Redditor walks into a bar and asks the bartender

“Bartender, get me something new and fresh from r/jokes.” He chirped

“Sorry mate, all we have are reposts from the last 8 years”

“How can this be!” The Redditor exclaimed “If I can’t get my fix from r/jokes, then what is the poi...

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NASA job interview

I was interviewing for a cheif of engineering position at NASA, when they asked me what my goals were

I answered: "To land my rocket on Uranus"

They didn't hire me

A man gets a job at a car dealership

He is given his first customer and asks him what he needs. The customer replies, “I need cargo space.”

The man replies, “You need cargo space? Listen, car no go space. Car go land. Rocket go space. You no need car. You need rocket.”

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After seeing the Kim Kardashian cover of Paper Magazine, Sir Mix-a-lot, reportedly tipped his hat, muttered that his work here was done and rocketed into space to return to his home planet

Uranus...

How are the Houston Rockets just like Metapod?

All they've got is Harden

The Americans are using a new type of rocket that constantly updates its Facebook status until it reaches its target.

It's an attention-seeking missile.

So there's two astronauts on a rocket...

One says to the other, "Get Ready, it's almost time for launch." To which the other says "Launch?! I haven't even had breakfast yet!"

Muslim Band

I went to see a Muslim Tribute band last night at a Mosque.

They were called "Bomb Jovi" and I thought they were brilliant.

They performed songs like: "Losing my Head over You", "Rocket Launcher Man", "You're Six, you're Beautiful, and you're Mine".

Their last song "Living on...

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A businessman is going out of town for 3 weeks...

His wife is a total nympho and he knows that she will never be able to remain faithful for that long. In an attempt to quell her sexual appetite, he goes to a sex shop on the outskirts of town. He spends several minutes pouring over dozens of dildos, dongs, vibrators, and other toys. However, he kno...

Why do they call it Space X?

Because if they named it Space E all the rockets would hit on little boys.

Of Course the Moon Landings Were Staged

I've never heard of a single staged rocket going to the moon.

What do you call a bee in a space rocket?

bracket

A man goes on his annual bear hunting trip to Canada...

The first year he goes with a small pistol as it's his first time. As he's walking through the forest he sees a bear, shoots at it and runs over to find the body when he gets over to where the bear should be there's no sign of the bear... then there's a tap on his shoulder and the bear bums him. ...

A Russian, an American and A Ugandan man walk into a bar...

The Russian boasts, “My country has invented a submarine that can go to the deepest parts of the ocean.”

The Ugandan and American say, “The deepest parts?! It would be crushed!”

To which the Russian replies “Well not the deepest, just a little higher.”

The American then says “...

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