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Rocket Jokes

What was NASA thinking when they decided to fly a rocket into a meteor?

Did I hit or didymos.

I started a company that makes wind powered rockets

Sails are taking off!

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What happens when Jeff Bezo's Rocket and Richard Branson's Rocket collide?

Branson's rocket is no longer a Virgin...

Space X rocket explodes minutes after take off in first test flight...

Now that's what I call a fiery start-up.

Elon Musk's DM to a hot girl: "Will send pics of my rocket. Lots of thrust. Gets up fast! Wink. Wink." Girl responds…

"Would be nice if it didn’t explode after 2 minutes."

What did the American rocket say to the soviet rocket in space.

Good we’re alone now we can speak German.

I caught my neighbor attaching a rocket engine to a deer, so I immediately reported him to the authorities...

Shame on him for trying to make a quick buck!

It is a good thing for Bezos he didn't go to r/jokes for rocket advice

90% of the stuff you people come up with never lands

Why didn't NASA name apollo rockets with letters?

Because if Apollo F crashed with all it's crew, they would have to make an Apollo G.

A kid in my school did a project on the history of rocket science.

It was a blast to the past

My Hispanic friend keep telling me that NASA always have sent chicken propelled rockets to space

Look at all the "Apollo" missions, he say

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Hey Jeff Bezos, next time, can you fly that phallic-looking rocket...

up Uranus?

Why couldn't the rocket have a second launch date?

It had thrust issues

The rockets were approaching...

So Iran.

A russian nuclear rocket

Goes from Russia to America.
Over the Pacific it meets an american nuclear rocket, going from America to Russia.

Russian rocket: "Let's go drink something".
American rocket: "Ok".

The russian rocket drinks wodka and the american rocket drinks whiskey.

The american rocket g...

Nudists must be careful around Team Rocket...

... because they're always trying to get a Pikachu.

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Two rocket scientists, Dave and Archie, are in the staff kitchen...

Dave is trying to get the toaster oven to work so he can toast their breakfast. Nothing seems to be working. He tried unplugging/replugging it. He tried cleaning it out.

After several minutes, a frustrated Archie finally speaks up.

"Figure it out, Dave!" he says. "It's not sex."

A joke about Wehrner Von Braun I heard years ago

Apparently Wehrner Von Braun used to play truant from school a lot when he was younger to work on experiments with rockets. His mother once said to him "Wehrner, you keep missing school!" Wehrner said "Yes, but only by a few miles!"

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Two Polish Rocket Scientists Announce to the World They're Going to the Sun in a Spaceship

The entire world wide scientific community swiftly points out that the Sun is too hot for such a journey and they'd quickly burn up to which they replied very smugly: "Ah SEE! We've thought of this and have a plan!.....We're going at NIGHT!"

I do not mean to offend anyone and my apologies to ...

Where do you file uncategorized rocket items?

Under missile-enious.

Why did the rocket scientist stop working a project?

He had no comet-ment.

Mike Hughes flew a home-made rocket to prove the earth was flat and killed himself.

Wait what subreddit am I on?

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What's it called when a rocket flies into Uranus?

Space X

Have you heard? Melinda Gates, Mackenzie Scott, and Justine Musk are starting their own rocket company!

They are calling it Space-Ex’s and their rockets are guaranteed to go pren-up up up.

What’s the difference between Team Rocket and Reddit?

Team Rocket always has a cunning plan, while Reddit is a punning clan.

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Redneck vasectomy

After the birth of their 9th child, a redneck couple decided they'd had enough because they couldn’t afford a larger bed. The husband went to the veterinarian and asked to be snipped. "Me'n my cousin don't want no more kids"

The vet told him he could get a vasectomy, but it was expensive. "Th...

If you keep a rocket in your home

the chances of having a household incident go through the roof

Back in my day we had to fly those bombs to the target. They didn't ride on these fancy rockets.

Ok bomber.

How do NASA organize rocket launches

They planet

What do you do when Team Rocket stops breathing?

You give them Meowth to Meowth.

Which rocket is best for getting rid of people?

Dis Missle

What did the soviet rocket say as it took off?

Soyuz guys later

Woke up with Elton John’s Rocket Man stuck in my head, hope it leaves soon

But I think it’s gonna be a long long time

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Railroad tracks, a horses ass... and rockets! [Long]

The US standard railroad gauge (the distance between two rails) is 4 feet 8.5 inches... an exceedingly odd number.


Why was that gauge used?

Because a number of the early railroad lines in the US were built to fit standard-gauge locomotives manufactured by English railroad pioneer G...

"Dj Khaled, what are your thoughts on Palestinian rocket attacks?"

"ANOTHER ONE!!'

Two Iranian soldiers find a couple of American rockets while on patrol

One says: "they probably fell without blowing up, lets load them up and take them back to base"

The other says: "But what if one of them blows up on the way back?"

He replies: "We will tell them we only found one"

I was with my mom at the store and I picked up a packet of baby spinach and rockets.

I turn to her and say "Hey, Ma, you ever wonder why they're called rockets?"

She looks at me and says "Why?"

And then I say, "Because they grow in *shoots*!"

What do you call a handjob from a rocket scientist?

A stroke of genius.

Elon Musk is reported to have written a short joke on his Falcon Heavy rocket.

I guess the real joke is in the comets.

A Slovenian, American and German are bragging, who has the fastest workers …

German says, we start developing a brand new Mercedes in August, I can already drive my wife in it to Octoberfest.

American says, that is nothing, we start building a new rocket in June 20th, on July 4th is already on the way to Moon.

Slovenian says ha, rookies, we start building a new...

I've invented a rocket that intercepts incoming warheads by consuming them.

It's a cannibalistic missile.

SpaceX have developed a new type of rocket that can fly to the moon in record-breaking time.

It's a regular rocket, with "GME" written on it.

The Falcon Heavy is now the world’s most powerful rocket

The Falcon Heavy can put around 140,000 pounds of cargo into lower Earth orbit, more than twice as much weight as any other operational rocket. This powerful vehicle could open up entirely new types of business for SpaceX: launching heavy national security satellites or even sending large modules or...

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America buys a rocket from the Russians

As they start working on it, it stops working. They call the Russians and they say they will send their best technician.

The tech arrives and gives the rocket a look, presses a button and the rocket hums to life, ready for work. He gives the Americans the bill

"10k?!?! For a single but...

I made a group for rocket scientists once

It really took off

It's isn't rocket science

A patient on the dentist's chair was scared and quite apprehensive about the procedure he was going to undergo.

He asks a lot of questions and details from the dentist.

The dentist says, reassuringly:

"Relax, it's not brain surgery....Unless I slip."

What's so cool about the nitrous/ethanol powered rocket?

You can continue to get higher even when the engine is turned off.

What do you call it when you fall asleep on a rocket?

Spacing out

One Marine is better than...

A large group of Isis fighters in Iraq are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a sand dune:
"One Marine is better than ten Isis fighters".

The Isis commander quickly orders 10 of best men over the dune where a gun battle breaks out and continues for a few minutes, ...

My friend told me that his DIY liquid rocket made it to space...

I told him to quit being hypergolic.

Why do Scarecrows Make Great Rocket Scientists?

...because they're out-standing in their field!

I recently lost my job at NASA Mission Control...

I misheard when someone said "It's lunch time", and sent a rocket up with nobody in it.

Will Trump ever apologize for calling Kim Jong-Un a "rocket man"?

Well I think it's going to be a long, long time...

Nasa was experimenting with different animals in space.

Monkeys were an obvious choice, but they had no patience. Mice chewed all the cables, dogs were too stupid and chickens were always scared. It seemed the only animal that could cope with the intense stress of space travel was a chilled out alley cat.

After a few months of testing and training...

I have absolute confidence in Jeff's Bezos rocket company Blue Origin

Jeff has already achieved good separation.

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Team Rocket Were Caught Performing a Lewd Sex Act...

Ass to Meowth

Once a man went to a rocket station and asked for ticket to the moon.

The attendant said, " Sorry sir, the moon is full just now."

Can anyone help me with starting a rocket science club at school?

I'm having trouble getting it off the ground.

Why shouldn't you use a fitting room in a store run by Team Rocket?

They might try to take a Pikachu!

Since Trump nicknamed Kim Jun-Un Rocket Man, when Christmas comes along..

he can call him missile toe.

Joke originally told by my coworker today, who is a master of puns.

So there's two astronauts on a rocket...

One says to the other, "Get Ready, it's almost time for launch." To which the other says "Launch?! I haven't even had breakfast yet!"

A falcon 9 rocket lands on the roof or a bar called GE

The barkeeps yells at the rocket..Hey aren't you that rocket that landed up there before? Yes, yes I am bar GE!!
The barkeep yells back but of course I still love you.

Why doesn’t Elton John eat lettuce?

Because he’s a Rocket Man

It’s my birthday, enjoy my current favourite joke!!

The secret of recent explosion of Antares rocket

The decades old Soviet rocket engines it used were engineered to fly TO America, not AWAY from it.

99% of humanity Works on the principle of rocket science.

It does not mean , we always aim for the sky;

it means that we do not start work unless our tail is on fire.

How are the Houston Rockets just like Metapod?

All they've got is Harden

What do rocket scientists say about a task that is relatively easy?

It's no social skills!

At what time in the day do rockets eat and why?

At noon because they take LAUNCH.

I always wondered why Pikachu's electric shock blasts off team rocket but not Ash.

I guess Ash is just better grounded.

I hate it when people get simple stuff wrong

I mean, it's not rocket surgery

I was planning to take Astrophysics as my last college course but it turns out to be full. So I have to take some other course to graduate.

It’s…not Rocket Science.

Rockets? Maybe. But the Chinese haven't contributed to aviation.

After all, two Wongs don't make a Wright.

Did you hear about the guy who launched himself in a home-built rocket to attempt to prove the Earth is not a globe?

You could say he became a flat earther.

When I die

I’m going to get put in a rocket and be launched into the moon. That way my descendants can look at the crash site and see the impact I’ve made.

The Americans are using a new type of rocket that constantly updates its Facebook status until it reaches its target.

It's an attention-seeking missile.

Muslim Band

I went to see a Muslim Tribute band last night at a Mosque.

They were called "Bomb Jovi" and I thought they were brilliant.

They performed songs like:
"Losing my Head over You",
"Rocket Launcher Man",
"You're Six, you're Beautiful, and you're Mine".

Their la...

What do you call a bee in a space rocket?

bracket

It's a little known fact that Elton John doesn't like iceberg lettuce

he's a rocket man.

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