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Three sailors are discussing their cargo

They are used to transporting goods and make a good living doing so, this time however they've been tasked with taking 300 boxes of penis shaped potatoes across the channel and they all think it's a joke.

"We'll be a laughing stock" says the first sailor.

"I'll never be able to live ...

On the freeway, a truck spilled its cargo of strawberries, which were then crushed by the cars followed behind.

Caused a traffic jam.

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A fighter pilot and a cargo pilot are flying around, talking shit to each other on the radio. The fighter pilot goes on about how much cooler he is than the cargo pilot and says, "Watch this, brah!" hits the afterburner, does a barrel roll and then a loop.

"Top that!" he shouts to the cargo pilot.

"Ok, well watch this." says the cargo pilot.

The plane just goes straight for a while.

"How'd you like that?" asks the cargo pilot.

The fighter pilot is confused and asks, "What did you do?"

The cargo pilot replies, "I went...

Customer: I want cargo space

Me: Car no do that. Car no fly

Manager: See me in my office

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A cargo ship sank in the ocean. The cargo, Idaho potatoes and rubber penises, floated in the vicinity.

The Coast Guard had received a distress call, but a chopper arrived to find no ship in the water. Seeing the cargo strewn about on the ocean, they decided to send a diver down to look for the ship.


"I already know what kind of ship to look for," the diver told the chopper pilot.
...

Shipment/Cargo

When parcel is delivered in Car it’s called SHIPMent . When delivered in Ship it’s called CARgo

cruise ship, war ship, sail ship, cargo ship, battle ship, tanker ship, icebreaker ship

all kind of ship have made their trip to Liverpool

all except Premiership

Did you guys heard about the Chinese Ship with a cargo load of Yo-yos that sunk off the coast of Mexico..

.. all 200 times..

Cargo space?

Car no do that. Car no fly.

An englishman, a scotsman, and an irishman are on a plane loaded with cargo....

As the plane's flying, the pilot shouts to them that they'll have to throw some stuff out or they're going to crash. The englishman throws out a load of roses, the Scotsman throw out a load of haggis, and the irishman throws out a bomb.

They manage to land safely and as they're walking away, ...

Fighter jock and the cargo pilot

A cargo plane is flying along, doing its cargo plane thing, when a fighter jet comes up alongside.

The fighter jock decides to poke some fun at the pilot who's forced to fly such an ungainly vessel.

"My plane's so much more advanced than yours. Watch this" says the jock, as he proceed...

I hate it when a whole heap of people wearing cargo pants unexpectedly gather around me and get all excited.

It's like "Boo! Khaki party!"

A cargo ship struck an iceberg, tearing a gash in the side.

It was carrying bagged chips, so it didn't sink until it was unloaded.

A cargo ship carrying a shipment of mannequins sunk to the ocean floor

It was one thousand legs under the sea.

A starship engineer trades half their ship's cargo...

For a sub light engine. The captain finds out and is angry:
"Why did you trade valuable cargo for something 1/10th the value?"
The engineer replies: "Sorry captain, it was an impulse buy"

A cargo airplane is transporting patients from a mental hospital.

The patients are going all crazy in the cargo playing a soccer with an invisible ball. The pilot has had enough of it, tells the copilot to guide the plane, and goes in the back to make them stop the noise. They stop, the pilot returns to the cabin, but after 5 minutes, it starts all over again.
...

What kind of pants do tires wear...

...when they go hiking?

Cargo shorts!

....when they're in the pool?

A speedo

My 8 year old's work. I've never been so proud of her!!

Germany owed a massive debt to France after the treaty of Versailles

One day, Germany couldn't afford to pay the weekly payment to France. So France gathered a band of soldiers and rode into a small town in Rhineland on trucks, hoping to find anything valuable as reparation. After inspecting the town for a brief moment, they took its tram tracks and street lamps back...

Apparently the French just bought the rights to make a Mercedes S-Class Van

Its called the S-Cargo

Bob & Bertie

Bob & Bertie charter a pilot to fly them moose hunting. They shoot 6 of the beasts.
As Bob starts loading, the pilot says, "Sorry, my plane can only take 4 moose."
The lads object. "Last year we shot 6, and the pilot loaded them all; and he had the same plane as yours."
Reluct...

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Richard's new job

Richard just got a new job on a small shipping vessel. He shows up for his first day and the first mate puts him to work loading crates onto the ship. He finishes a few hours later and they get underway. Richard is put to work and is kept busy all day. After dinner, he approaches the first mate and ...

There was a nun who volunteered at a hospital,

and since she had her doctorate and medical license, the hospital allowed her to prescribe medications. In fact, she took great joy in being able to provide prescriptions immediately, and so modified one of her uniforms to start carrying some of the more common medications and equipment. Over time, ...

There once was a lady from China, who had a great big....

...cargo liner.
Shipping drinks of crushed fruit
90 sailors to boot
She had a boat load of sea-men 'n cider

Simple misunderstanding

This couple are looking to buy a new car. They see this wonderful Honda for a decent price and a salesman shows them around. The couple ask “Cargo Space?” The salesman says “The car? No! This car can’t fly”

Mexicans and mayonnaise

Most people don't know that in 1912, Hellmann's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to have been the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York. This would h...

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A coffin crashes into the storefront of pharmacy

2 men were loading up a hearse with a coffin on a steep incline, after they loaded the cargo, they both get into the vehicle..As they start to pull away, the back door swings wide open and the coffin crashes to the ground and starts sliding down the incline, across the intersection, into the store f...

Knock Knock!

Who's there?

Cargo

Cargo who?

Cargo Beep Beep!

For Sale - and not what you think it is!

For Sale:



'96 Model Year

Low Mileage

No Accidents

Spotless Interior

Reliable

Superior Performance and Handling

Runs Well Every Day

Dual Front Airbags

Spacious Rear Cargo

Looks Great, Sounds Better



No, this ...

A man gets a job at a car dealership

He is given his first customer and asks him what he needs. The customer replies, “I need cargo space.”

The man replies, “You need cargo space? Listen, car no go space. Car go land. Rocket go space. You no need car. You need rocket.”

Little boy was always interested in trains

From the day he could grasp the idea, he had been interested in them. The way they worked, the way they moved, the different kinds. He had decided at a young age that he wanted to be a train conductor.

The time eventually came when he got his dream job for a busy passenger transit line. His ...

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Once there was a boy in Alabama who loved trains.

It was his life, he’d get his dad to take him to train shows, play with them at home, read books about them in elementary school, the works. In high school he studied and kept his GPA high so he’d be able to go for his dreams: to be a train conductor. Upon graduating high school he got accepted int...

A Mexican dock worker is loading a ship...

A Mexican dock worker is loading a boat with a shipment of French cuisine, when his boss happens to walk by. The boss asks, "hey, what's that you're loading over there?"

The dock worker replies, "Es cargo."

The Heroic Homeless Man

It’s December 2012, and Christmas is fast approaching. The snow is on the trees, gifts are being bought, and the lake in Central Park is frozen over. Children and the stents are skiing on the ice, having a great time. However suddenly, a little girl falls through the ice. Luckily, a nearby homeless ...

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A Chinese family moved into my neighborhood when I was in high school...

They had a pair of twins, named Ving and Ling, who were my age. I liked Ving, but his sister Ling was kind of a bitch. Eventually, Ling told me that he hated his name, and he wanted to change it. I asked him, "What do you want to change your name to?" and he said "Lee. You know, like Bruce Lee?" Lin...

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Man driving a truck

Transporting laptops arrives to Alabama, and decides to take a break. He wonders into a bar and orders a beer.

Then a young man with white buttoned up shirt, pencils and calculator on the pocket who's wearing glasses enters the bar.

The bartender shouts "A nerd!" and shoots him. The ma...

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Texan, and a Mexican are on a plane.

The pilot says, “We don’t have enough fuel to make it, we will need to push out all of our cargo”
The people all push out every last seat and bag that they have, and the pilot regretfully tells them that it is not enough. He says, “3 of you 4 will have to jump out of this plane,”

The Engli...

Why couldn’t Bobby start his car?

He wasn’t wearing his cargo pants.

A father takes his son on a fishing trip

On their tiny boat, Little Tommy realises that that the floor is covered in a mess of different nets. He looks up to dad and asks, "Dad, why do we need so many kinds of nets?"

Dad smiles gently and looks into his young son's eyes.

"Back in my day, when I went fishing with my own dad we...

ENGLISH IS A FUNNY LANGUAGE

Let's face it -- English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant not ham in hamburger; neither apple or pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

We take English fo...

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A Japanese man, an American, an Englishman, and a Mexican are in a plane. The plane's about to crash.

The pilot says over the intercom "The plane is about to crash, but if we jettison the cargo, we may be able to get back up."

The cargo is jettisoned, but there is no significant effect.

The pilot then says "The plane can only support one man other than me and the copilot, so the three ...

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A Welsh Airways plane experiences technical trouble...

Welsh Airways pilots Dai and Rhodri are struggling to control their stricken aircraft as it plummets towards the ground. The aircraft is loaded with high value cargo, including a flock of award winning sheep.

Rhodri: "We're going to have to crash land somewhere!"

Dai: "But what about ...

The Falcon Heavy is now the world’s most powerful rocket

The Falcon Heavy can put around 140,000 pounds of cargo into lower Earth orbit, more than twice as much weight as any other operational rocket. This powerful vehicle could open up entirely new types of business for SpaceX: launching heavy national security satellites or even sending large modules or...

The president of U.S, Russia, and Mexico are on a plane going to a meeting in the U.N.

The president of U.S, Russia, and Mexico are on a plane going to a meeting in the U.N. They have all brought a crate of their finest spirits to give as gifts. Suddenly the pilot calls out that the plane is too heavy and is going down unless they lose some cargo.

The Russian president takes a...

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A Peg-Legged, Hook-Handed, One-Eyed Pirate...

After thirteen months of sailing the seven seas, a battle-worn schooner filled to the brim with booty and booze makes port in the rag-tag pirate isle of Tortuga.

The captain - a buccaneer known the world over for his utter lack of mercy, his terrible greed, and his hearty girth - lumbers off ...

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A Lesson For All Employees Who Work With Rude Customers.

An award should go to the Virgin Airlines gate attendant in Sydney some months ago for being customer focused, while making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo.

A crowded Virgin flight was cancelled after Virgin's 767s had been withdrawn from serv...

A small passenger blimp is going down...

A small passenger blimp is going down and has no place to land safely. In attempt to keep to in the air long enough to land, its cargo is dumped.

The blimp is still going down, however, and through quick calculations it is realised that four average-weighted passengers would need to sacrifice...

The Snail Salesman

The traveling snail salesman delivered snails to restaurants in his station wagon. After travelling and working for half the day, he stopped at a gas station for a cup of coffee. When he came out he found his car was no longer there. The snail salesman cried out "Where did my escargot cargo car go?!...

Did you hear about the snail who used to be shipped around the world in wooden crates?

He was ex-cargo.

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A plane is about to go down...

While airborne, a plane crew discovers that their plane is carrying too much cargo and is at the risk of going down. The captain makes an announcement

"Unfortunately, due to a few miscalculations, our plane is carrying too much weight and therefore, we have no choice but to let some people o...

Monkey business

There's a guy hitchiking along the highway, when along comes an 18-wheeler. It pulls up, and comes to a grinding halt. The hitcher runs to the truck, reaches up, opens the door and jumps in. Inside the truck is the driver, and beside him is his pet monkey.

"Great lookin' monkey, mate," said t...

A car collector from New York finally gets the Datsun he's been looking for,

Unfortunately it was missing a few key parts to get it up and running. He takes it to his mechanic. The mechanic says "you need some specific gear parts here - these cogs over here, you'll need two of them. You can only get them from this specialty parts dealer, and he's in California.

The...

Why are French snails faster than American snails?

L'ess cargo

There's an overloaded Plane

With an American, Brit, Australian, and a Mexican. The pilot tells everybody that they have to dump all of the cargo that they possibly can. They keep dumping out more and more until finally there's no more. The pilot says, "I'm sorry but we're going to have to make some of you jump out."
The ...

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an Englishman, an Irish man and a Scottish man are on a plane...

they all have a tonne of stuff each and the pilot says that to land safely they need to lose 3 tonnes of cargo.
the Englishman drops a tonne of roses and says "i've got enough of those in my country" the Irishman drops a tonne of bombs and says "i've got enough of those in my country" and the Sco...

An American soldier and two miners are on a helicopter.

The miners are carrying iron ore and the American soldier is carrying bombs to a special facility. The soldier looks at the altimeter and sees that they are going down. He tells the miners this and they all agree to throw three sacks full of each's cargo. They all throw it over and land a few hours ...

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