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Fuel Jokes

What do you call a vehicle with no fuel in Africa?

Outtagascar

What type of fuel do painters prefer?

Whatever makes the van gogh..


-id like to mention, for what its worth, that this is an original joke (as stupid as it is), which i thought of independently. I was and am proud of it. If anyone finds it somewhere else please burst my bubble.

What fuel do birds use to fly?

Geesel

When you're trying to slingshot around Jupiter but you run out of fuel and end up on a collision course with one of Jupiter's moons...

Europa creek with no paddle.

I hope someone smiles at this dumb space joke.

Drink jet fuel

Dave and Jim were a couple of drinking buddies who worked as aircraft mechanics in Melbourne, Australia.
One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do.
Dave said, 'Man, I wish we had something to drink!'
Jim says, 'Me too. Y'know, I've heard you can...

Years ago when I was a teenager I had a summer job at a petrol (gas) station

Years ago when I was a teenager I had a summer job at a petrol station …. Back in those days it wasn’t self service , so my job was to put petrol in cars when a customer arrived.

I always remember this one particular day when an old chap pulled in and said he wanted a fill-up. Then he got out...

We should move to a herb based fuel economy

We can finally make the trains run on thyme.

Do you know how fuel efficient a pirate ship is?

It can get 40 miles to the galleon

My car keeps showing that's it's low on fuel...

... but it's probably just gaslighting me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A plane is spotted trying to land at Area 51

One day at Area 51 a radar tech spots a single engine plane on final approach to the secret Air Force base. The plane touches down and is immediately surrounded by armed guards. The plane is impounded and the pilot is whisked off for questioning. The pilot claims that he had been flying from Las Veg...

Are you sweating whilst putting fuel in your car? Feeling sick when paying?

You have got the carownervirus

What kind of fuel does an X-ray machine use?

Unleaded

3 women are on a ship that’s run out of fuel

There’s an island in the distance so the brunette decides to make a swim for it. She swims 100metres but drowns.

The redhead decides to have a go. She swims 500metres but drowns.

The blonde has no choice. She gets in the water, swims 1 mile and gets within 100metres of the island. She ...

Americans In Canada

An American couple is driving through Canada and stops at a gas station to fuel up.

As the man goes into the station to pay, his wife calls out to him, “Ask them where we are!” So the husband walks in, pays, and asks, “By the way, where are we?”

To which the attendant answers, “Saska...

What fuels electronics but drains a relationship?

Battery

Jet fuel cant melt steel beams...

But an oxy-acetylene torch can burn down 600 years of French heritage in 12 hours.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Man runs out of fuel with Harley Davidson (very long)

There once was this man who always wanted a Harley Davidson. And one day he finally had enough money to do so.

When he went to buy his dream motorcycle the guy from the schop gave him a bucket of lube. The man asked: “wat’s the lube for”, is and the guy from the shop says: “because you have a...

In the 1930s, the Italians developed an engine fuel technology that used household spices.

It’s true. Mussolini made the trains run on thyme

Jet Fuel can't melt Ellen Pao

[User was banned for this post]

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy fuels up his car in a gas station advertised with "Free Sex With Every Fuel Up"...

So after fueling up his car and going inside to pay the man asks the cashier, "where is my free sex?" "Well there is a catch" replies the cashier "you have to guess a number from 1-10 if you get it right then you get the free sex" so the man answers 7. "Ah so close it was 8" replies the cashier. A f...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I read an article about a new revolutionary car that uses cow dung as fuel

But I think it's bullshit

So, one large oil company have announced that they are going to be producing fuel from insect urine.

I think it is B.P.

Due to increased fuel costs and because electric cars are so expensive, legislators voted today to reintroduce horse and buggy

The vote failed: one yea, 35 neigh

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you double check the fuel?

A villager from rural part of India is really excited about taking his first flight to start his new job in America. After saying the traditional goodbyes to the entire village, he gets onto the bus that will take him to the city.

Along the way, the bus runs out of fuel and he has to get out...

If anyone in the UK is currently struggling to get hold of some fuel just let me know.

Because my mate Jerry can.

What do Soundcloud rappers fuel their cars with?

Gaso-lean.

To deal with the high price of petroleum, public transport systems are looking at alternative fuels, including grasses and herbs.

The program has had some failures, but on the bright side at least the trains run on thyme.

What does the train use to fuel it's gaming addiction?

Steam.

I'm so sorry.

What do you call a spaceship that runs on all natural fuel?

The Millenial falcon

How does Harry potter fuel his car?

He goes Execto petroleum

I just heard a huge oil company is planning on using insect urine as a source for an alternative fuel.

I think its BP.

What kind of fuel does the Fast and the Furious cast use

Vin Diesel

Chuck Norris once urinated in a semi truck's fuel tank as a joke...

That truck is now know as Optimus Prime.

You've all heard of the Air Force's ultra-high-security, super-secret base in Nevada, known simply as "Area 51?"

Well, late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51 were very surprised to see a Cessna landing at their "secret" base. They immediately impounded the aircraft and hauled the pilot into an interrogation room. The pilot's story was that he took off from Vegas, got lost, and spotted the Base ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The world fossil fuel industry was shocked by the scandalous public exposure of LITERAL underground "swingers parties". The scandal allegedly involves numerous lustful Coal Union members including prospectors, colliers, dredgers, excavators, and sappers...

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# POST REMOVED

# Rule 9 - Reddit prohibits any sexual or suggestive content involving minors.

Jet Fuel Alcoholics

Two airplane mechanics named Bob and Tim work at Atlanta airport. Atlanta gets fogged in one night and nothing can take off or land so Bob and Tim have nothing to do. After work Bob and Tim usally have a drink on their way home, so Bob says to Tim, “I heard that you can get a buzz off drinking jet f...

Why do christians burn fossil fuels?

They're trying to destroy the evidence.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A black man attended a protest against fossil fuels...

And got six global warming shots in his back.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There once were two airplane mechanics from New Jersey...

... Who were also drinking buddies.

One night, the mechanics (Rick and Paul) were finishing up their shift and discussing where they should go for a drink afterwards.

"I don't know, man," said Rick. "We've been to every bar in town. The scene's getting old."

"Well," replied Pau...

My wife’s car has a low fuel warning light that tells her when...

...it’s time to drive my car for a couple of days

How do men and women fill the fuel tank differently?

Men jiggle the nozzle afterwards.

I saw a woman at the fuel pump spill gasoline on her arm and then light a cigarette.

The police arrested her for waving a firearm.

The new Director of Public Transportation is obsessed with "green" fuels.

He's made all the buses run on thyme.

I can't believe how much money I've spent fueling my drinking problem.

Time to start brewing coffee at home.

My car tried to convince me it was out of fuel, but I was able to keep driving it for another 30 miles.

I think it was gaslighting me

You hear about these new trains that can burn any organic matter for fuel?

They even run on thyme!

An old man lies on his deathbed. The end is near and family is gathering.

His memories run through his head as he lies alone while people talk in the other room. Sad things, joyful things. So many joyful memories. He thinks he smells his favorite cookies baking. Wait, the smell is real! His wife is making cookies, something she has not done for years!

He rall...

Two young Russian conscripts in Ukraine approach a platoon of Ukranian fighters to surrender.

They approach with their hands in the air, and their weapons holstered.

"We come to surrender. Our truck is out of fuel and broken down. The rest of our troops are miles away, and none of the gas trucks or repair technicians will be available for days. We are stranded."

The Ukrainian f...

The FIA will be introducing a new series of Grand Turismo races with zero emission fuel cell vehicles cleverly called Formula Zero,

or GTF0.

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