A pioneer in a wagon was on a trail heading west when he came across an Indian lying on the road with his ear to the ground

He stops perplexed at the sight. And he hears the Indian speak slowly and softly.

"Settlers, covered wagon, man, woman, two children, a dog with a limp."

Amazed, the pioneer said, "You can tell all of that just by putting your head to the ground."

"No," said the Indian. "They ...

A little boy rides his red wagon down the hill in front of the preachers house.

There was a little boy around 8 or 9 that had a little red wagon. One day he mustered up the courage to ride it down the hill in front of his house past the preachers house. Well, he got in the wagon and started down the hill and halfway down a wheel falls off and he goes off the road in front of th...

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A little boy is pulling a wagon down the street..

As he was walking, a wheel fell off the wagon and he said "Holy shit!" A preacher happened to be nearby and approached the boy and said "Don't swear like that young man, instead say Praise the Lord"

The boy obliged and said "Ok then... Praise the Lord!" Just as he said that, the wheel rolled ...

Saw a little boy dressed as a fireman being pulled in his wagon by his dog.

I saw a little boy dressed as a fireman being pulled in his wagon by his dog. I told the little boy " you know he'd probably go a lot faster if u tied the rope to his neck instead of his balls" the kid looks at me like im a complete idiot and says "But then what would I use as a siren?!"

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I call my car the 'Pussy Wagon'

Because that's where I go to cry.

A boy is pulling a wagon up a hill

One day on the way home from the store, a boy was pulling a wagon up a hill. The hill was very steep and the boy was extremely tired. Halfway up the hill he sees a priest.

The boy asks the priest, “at church you always says Jesus is always with me, is that true?”
The priest replies “Of co...

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A farmer is sitting in his front porch when a kid with a wagon walks by

Kid: Hey old man I seen some buttercups out in one of your fields. Mind if I go down there and make some butter?

Farmer: You can't get butter out of a butter cup ya dumb shit. But knock yer self out.

Hour later kid comes back with his wagon half full of butter and shows the farmer. ...

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A fire fighter is working outside the station when he notices a little girl in a little red wagon with little ladders on the sides

a garden hose coiled in the middle, and wearing a fire
fighters helmet. The wagon is pulled by her dog and cat.

The fire fighter takes a closer look. "That sure is a nice fire truck," the fire fighter says with admiration. "Thanks," the girl says. The fire fighter notices the girl has tie...

A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagon load of corn.

The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise and yelled over to the boy, "Hey Willis forget your troubles. Come in and visit with us. I'll help you get the wagon up later."

"That's mighty nice of you," Willis answered, "but I don't think Pa would like me to."

"Aw come on boy," the far...

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A farmer gets on a wagon with chicken wire...

"Why does your wagon have chicken wire?", a man asks.

The farmer replies "I'm hunting chickens, so chicken wire will attract them".

The man gives him a look and says "that's not how it works."

The farmer leaves anyway.

He comes back with a wagon full of chickens.

T...

Two cowboys are riding out when the spot an Indian laying down with his ear to the ground.

Approaching him, one Cowboy says “Look here. These Indians can track wagons from miles away. You there, what can you tell about the closest wagon train?”

The Indian says “Large Conestoga wagon, father, mother, three daughters, headed due west at around ten miles per hour”.

“Wow!” Excla...

There was once a land, far away, and many years ago, that had three kingdoms around a triangular lake.

There was once a land far away and many years ago that had three kingdoms around a triangular lake. They often warred and casualties were fierce. So they agreed to hold a tournament of all their champions on an island in the middle of the lake. The first being rich and influential sent twenty Knight...

A farmer had 5 female pigs but times were hard and he needed a solution.

A farmer had 5 female pigs. Times were hard, so he decided to take them to the county fair and sell them. At the fair, he met another farmer who owned 5 male pigs. After talking a bit, they decided to mate the pigs and split everything 50/50.

The farmers lived 60 miles apart, so they decide...

Two cowboys ride up on an Indian that's lying on his belly with his ear to the ground.

The older cowboy turns to the younger ine and says, "You see that? Just by putting his ear to the ground he can hear what's coming from miles off."

The Indian lifts his head and says, "A full wagon, drawn by a single horse, two passengers and a dog."

The Indian puts his head back down ...

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Notes from an inexperienced Chili taster named Frank, who was visiting Texas from the East Coast:

Recently I was honoured to be selected as an outstanding famous celebrity in Texas, to be a judge at a Chili cook-off, because no one else wanted to do it. Also the original person called in sick at the last moment, and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions to th...

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A retiree is sitting on his porch one afternoon, when little Johnny walks by...

...pulling his little red wagon, loaded with a whole bunch of wire, behind him.

"Hey Johnny, " calls the retiree. "Whatcha got in the wagon?"

"Chicken wire, " says little Johnny.

"Whatcha gonna do with that, Johnny?" asks the retiree.

"I'm gonna catch me some chickens!" s...

Brian wanted to be a miner ever since he was little

So one day when he hit that magical age of 21 he packed up all of his things and left his parents house. Too the grievance of his mother he moved a few states over. To a little mining village that like in the old days completely depended on their local gold mine. For some reason unlike all the other...

The year is 1850 in a river in California...

Hundreds of miners arrive in the river and all the territory in the river is claimed within 5 minutes as they look for treasure. Most of the miners grab a space in the river, but some got there a little too late, and didn't get any space, so they left... except one. For a few days, one miner sat in ...

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The Welcome Wagon

Tom had been in business for 25 years. Finally sick of the stress, he sold his business and bought 50 acres of land in Rural Kentucky as far from civilization as possible. He saw the postman once a week and got groceries once a month. Otherwise it was total peace and quiet.

After six months o...

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God is everywhere

So a kid is having trouble pulling his wagon up to the hill where there was a tree to collect apples. A half hour passes, and he doesn't know what to do. So a Christian woman happens to pass by and stops to ask what he's doing.

"I'm having trouble. I'm trying to get this wagon up the hill to ...

A cowboy is riding along when he comes across a Indian with his ear to the ground

The cowboy wonders what the Indian is doing, but before he can ask, the Indian says, "A wagon came through here four hours ago."

​

"That's amazing!" the cowboy exclaimed.

​

"It was carrying a family of a husband, wife, and two little girls, travellin...

Saul the Dreamer (An Old Yiddish Joke from Centuries Back)

Here's one that's long, but probably not a repost.


Once upon a time there lived a man whose name was Saul the Dreamer. Saul was a man of roving and adventurous disposition, always ready to travel and explore. One day, an itinerant maggid told him about a far away country where onions w...

A man and his penguins

A police officer is parked on the freeway shoulder watching for speeding cars. An ordinary station wagon drives by, but the officer notices several penguins crowded into the back seat while a man is driving. Officer pulls the man over and speaks with him.

​

Officer: Sir, why...

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Two guys are sitting on the train.

They are the only ones in the wagon, and it smells really bad of shit in there. One guy says to the other.

\- Dude, it really smells like shit in here. Did you shit your pants?

\- Yeah, why?

Back in Vietnam

A man sees husband and wife walking, the man is on the front with a bike and behind him comes the wife pulling wagons with all of their belongings.

The man asks the husband, why this way.

The man replies: "tradition"

The next day the man sees this couple again walking down the r...

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An Amish family takes a day off to visit New York City

An Amish family takes a day off to visit New York City.

They drive their wagon all the way into Time Square because they want to find a hotel with a room overlooking all of the cool sights they have never seen. The husband drops his wife and kids off at the front door of a super fancy hotel a...

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This guy wants to be an actor

Even though he is quite talented, his weird name is getting on his way.

No talent hunter will give him a chance. He is very proud of his name and is not willing to change any of it: Penis Wagon Lesbian.

He will not use a stage name either.

Years go by without him getting any ro...

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A wise old man walks out his door one morning to sip his coffee and take in the dawn of a new day.

As he adjusts his view towards the street he sees a boy pulling a wagon with something in it in the direction of town.

He addresses the boy and asks "young man, what do you have in your wagon this morning?".

The boy replies "it's chicken wire sir."

Man "well what are you going t...

The farmer and the mail order bride...

An old lonely farmer decides to order himself a mail order bride.

Weeks later he hitches up his horse to the buggy and takes the long trip into town to pick her up.

He gets his new bride and her belongings into the wagon and together they begin the long journey back to the farm.
...

What kind of food truck serves hamburgers?

A patty wagon

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Importance of a name

Peter decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. They loaded up Peter's station wagon and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. They pulled into a nearby farm house and asked the attractive lady of the house if they could spend the night.

"I'm rec...

A terrorist had two cases at home...

he stuffed one of them with explosives and headed to the metro. Once inside a wagon he waited until the doors were closed and shouted "Infidels!! now you will die!". Fortunately, that was not the case.

Horse race

A man has a racehorse who never won a race.

Man in disgust says," Horse, you win today or you pull a milk wagon tomorrow morning."

The starting gate opens, the horses take-off, they move the gate away and there lays his horse asleep on the track.

He kicks the horse and asks, "W...

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One sultry Sunday afternoon in Rome

On one sultry Sunday afternoon in Rome, there was a beautiful young nun walking back home after the service in the church. The priest who was driving back home in his wagon spots the poor nun walking home in the sweltering heat. Being the gentleman that he was and a servant of the Lord, he stops by ...

On her sixth birthday, Joe decided to get his daughter, Violet, a new bike and teach her to ride it.

The whole family - Joe, Joy, Violet, and Billy - piled into the family station wagon and went down to the local toy store to pick one out. On entering the store, Violet immediately honed in on the perfect bike - it had streamers, a pinwheel, a bell, and a kickstand. It even was colored violet - her ...

Penguins

A cop pulls over a station wagon for running a red light. When the officer gets up to the car, he sees a bunch of penguins in the back of the station wagon. He writes the driver a ticket and tells him, "I want you to take these penguins to the zoo!"
A couple days later the cop sees the same stati...

My local park doesn't allow wheeled vehicles inside.

Today a group of people are protesting this rule by driving a huge cart through the park. At first I didn't like the idea but I changed my mind and jumped on the banned wagon.

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A Horse's Ass

Does the statement "We’ve always done it that way" ring any bells?

The US standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches. That’s an exceedingly odd number.

Why was that gauge used?

Because that’s the way they built them in England, and English expatri...

Translation of an old Yiddish Joke...

One day in Czarist Russia, a poor old man and his very young daughter were on their way to town. They put all of their possessions in the back of a donkey driven wagon in hopes of selling some of them to make money. As they were traveling, up the road they saw a small group of Cossaks. They braced t...

Cowboys and Indians

Two cowboys come upon an Indian lying on his stomach with his ear to the ground. One of the cowboys stops and says to the other, "You see that Indian?"

"Yeah," says the other cowboy.

"Look," says the first one, "he's listening to the ground. He can hear things for miles in any directio...

So a woman wakes up one night to the sound of breaking glass.

She looks out the window and is shocked to see three men breaking into her garage. Quietly, she calls 911.

"911, what's your emergency?"

"Some men are breaking into my shed."

"Alright, sit tight. No officers are available now, but we'll send someone as soon as we can" the opera...

Jesus is watching you

One day little Johnny was walking up a hill pulling his red wagon behind him saying, "F**k this," "F**k that."
The town priest hears this and walks up to Johnny and says,"You shouldn't swear like that, Johnny. God is all around us."
"Is he in the sky?" asks Johnny.
"Yes," says the priest....

When does a dog have wheels?

When its tail is a wagon.

A man was driving in the middle of nowhere down a secluded country road far from any cities.

He got a flat tire, and got out to walk for help.After walking for some time, he came to a small stone monastery. He knocked on the door and roused the monks. "I've got a flat tire. Can I use your phone?" He asked.

The monks said they were sorry, but they did not have a phone. "If you stay t...

Tribal Wisdom

So a cowboy is riding along a trail in the old west and sees an Indian lying on his stomach with his ear to the ground. As he gets closer he hears the Indian saying to himself "Wagon...two gray horses...two passengers, man and woman...man driving" The cowboy goes "Wow! you can tell all that by just ...

There is a story passed down in China about an emperor from the Ming Dynasty.

It is said that he favored deer above all else. Throughout the region, everyone knew that to kill a deer was the highest offense.

One day, a village awoke to find a dead buck in the yard of one of the villagers. Despite his pleading, the eldest man of the household was publicly killed. A remi...

A lonely old farmer...

An old farmer had been single for awhile and finally decided that had been alone too long and ordered a mail order bride. A month passes and finally he goes and picks her up from the train station with his mule and wagon. They load up on the wagon and the mule doesn't budge. The farmer took a minute...

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A Bacon Tree

Way back in the cowboy days, a wagon train was travelling West and hadn't seen anyone in days. One day, they came across an old Jewish man sitting under a tree, all by himself.
The leader of the wagon went over to the Jew and said "Hey, what are you doing way out here?"
The Jew replied, and to...

I used to have a job transporting addicts to the nearby rehab clinic.

But I got fired because too many of my passengers fell off the wagon.

I just fell in love with a girl who builds circuit boards for a living...

I just couldn't *resistor.*

I couldn't help but say "*Ohm* my word, you're gorgeous!"

We talked for a while, had quite an *amp-*le conversation.

We eventually went to get lunch and took her *volts-*wagon.

*Current-*ly, I'd say this relationship is working out well.
...

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A farmer had so many children...

A farmer had so many children, he ran out of names, so he started naming his kids after something around the farm.

The first day of school began, and the teacher asked each child their name.

When he got to one of the farmer’s son the boy replied "Wagon Wheel".

The teacher said "...

Back in the pioneer days...

A couple traveling west saw an old Native American man with his ear pressed to the ground, unmoving. As they approached, the man's eyes slowly opened and he said:

"Large wagon train. Fifty wagons. Lead cart has team of five horses. Half wagons covered, half not. Cart in middle have chip in wh...

Three men die and go to heaven

Three men die and go to heaven. They meet St. Peter at the gates.

St. Peter calls up the first man. He says, "Heaven's a big place. I'll give you a car. How nice the car is will depend on your faithfulness to your spouse on Earth. You were not very faithful. I will give you a station wagon."...

That's one.

As a child my grandfather would tell me story of his great great grandfather's Ignacio crossing the desert in Mexico. He and his wife rode in a covered wagon pulled by donkeys. A few hours into the journey one of the donkeys tripped, and he said, "That's one." Few hours go by and the donkey trips ag...

A traveler comes across a Native American with is ear against the ground in the middle of the prarie

The Traveler: Hey what are you doing there guy?
With his ear pressed to the ground the native american says "Two white men... 3 horses and a covered wagon... traveling north-west"
The Traveler: Wow, thats impressive! You can tell all that by listening to the ground?
Still lying on the grou...

The Old West sheriff and his deputy are searching for the outlaw gang...

... and find them holed up in a cabin in the hills. The sheriff sends his deputy back to town for help. Some time later the deputy returns, driving a wagon containing all the girls from the town brothel.
The sheriff says "Dammit, Earl. I told you to bring my POSSE."

Married farmer driving home on horses

A farmer and his brand new bride are riding home in a wagon pulled by a team of horses, when the older horse stumbles.

The farmer says, "That's once." A little further along, the horse stumbles again. The farmer says, "That's twice." When the old horse stumbles again, the farmer quietly reach...

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Nuns At The Pearly Gates

Three nuns die in a tragic station wagon accident. They find themselves in line at the pearly gates, where St. Peter looks in his book and then down to the first nun.

"Sister, I see you've lived a good life. But, you once touched a penis with your right hand. Before you can enter heaven, you ...

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Two cowboys...

Two cowboys are riding along when they spot an indian lying on the ground in the distance. The first cowboy turns to the second and says "what the hell do you think he is doing?". The second cowboy turns to him and says "he is listening. You see these here indian fellers put an ear to the ground ...

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Computer Quotes

"Remember, never ask a geek "why"; just nod your head and back away slowly... "
Dan Wineman

Memory is like an orgasm. It's a lot better if you don't have to fake it.
Seymour Cray (commenting on virtual memory).

There are two major products that come out of Berkeley: LSD and U...

Indian On The Road

I'm driving from Santa Fe to Albuquerque when I see an American Indian lying on the road with his ear to the ground. Curious, I pull over, walk up to him and ask, "Excuse me, what are you doing?" He says, "Silver 1991 Chevy station wagon, one man, one woman, two children". I say, "Wow, you can te...

Why wasn't drinking permitted on the Oregon trail?

It was important not to fall off the wagon.

The Snail Salesman

The traveling snail salesman delivered snails to restaurants in his station wagon. After travelling and working for half the day, he stopped at a gas station for a cup of coffee. When he came out he found his car was no longer there. The snail salesman cried out "Where did my escargot cargo car go?!...

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Mercedes driver

A rich banker just picks up his new set of wheels from the dealership, a 2015 top of the line Mercedes Benz S500 so he decides he'll go for a spin through the city to show it off a bit. He's driving around getting looks from everyone he passes and he feels great when all of a sudden he gets stopped ...

Two men were being led to the gallows in the public square...

The square was packed with people, wagons, vendor's stalls, children and farm animals.

Suddenly, a large bull bellowed loudly and broke loose from it's enclosure. It began rampaging through the crowd, knocking over stalls, running down people, goring anyone who got in it's way. People started...

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A pioneer family is making its way across the prairie....

... when they come upon a Native American laying with his ear to the ground.

He gestures off into the distance and says "Wagon train, 3 miles east of here. 12 adults, 8 children, 16 oxen. Carrying a week's worth of supplies and moving at 6 miles-per-hour."

"Wow!" says one of the pionee...

The priest and the horse.

In a small village there lived a poor farmer whose work horse had just died. Without a means of pulling wagons and plows and no money to buy a new horse, the farmer just sat down by the side of the road, crying and wondering how he would feed his family now.

Then along came a priest and wonde...

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The rancher and the mail-order bride

During the days of the American Frontier there was a successful rancher out west who had grown wealthy through a lot of hard work and some shrewd business dealings. He was known as a hard man with few weaknesses and, being such, he had little patience for weakness in others. He was getting past midd...

A farmer and his wife

A farmer and his wife are traveling in their one-horse wagon down the road.

The horse falters and causes the wagon to jolt. The farmer says, "That's one."

The horse falters again and the farmer says, "That's two."

The horse falters a third time and the farmer stops the wagon, ge...

King of the jungle??

A lion woke up one morning feeling really rowdy and mean. He went out and cornered a small monkey and roared, "Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?"

The trembling monkey says, "You are, mighty lion!

Later, the lion confronts an ox and fiercely bellows, "Who is the mightiest of all...

There's a car accident in a neighborhood

A guy in an old, beat up station wagon rear ends another guy in a brand new Porsche. Both drivers get out of their cars to inspect the damage and they see that the back of the Porsche is totaled but station wagon's front fender doesn't have a scratch on it.

The owner of the Porsche is livid w...

The firefighters dog

A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmation dog. The children started discussing what the dog's duties might be.

"They use him to keep crowds back," said one youngs...

Rich Man and the Ranch

A rich man owns a multi-million dollar ranch in Puerto Rico. One day, his ranch supervisor, Paco, calls him on the phone.
"Yes, Paco, what is it?" says the Rich Man.
"Well, Señor, I have some bad news. Your prize thoroughbred, he has died."
"My thoroughbred? I was going to make millions...

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A little girl lives next to a fire house...

She admires the fire fighters so much she makes her own firetruck. It consists of her wagon, with the team of her cat in front with a string tied to his testicles, and her dog which lacks the testicular string, however has a harness and reins for her to lead him with. The firefighters see it, and ha...