A cop pulls a motorist over on the highway

"Do you know your lights are out?" asks the police officer.

"Yup," answers the driver. "But I don't care."

"And do you know how fast you were going?"

"Oh, probably about 20 miles over the limit."

"Can I see your license, sir?"

"I don't have one."

"Well, wel...

An officer pulls over some guy

Officer: “Sir, have you been drinking?”

Motorist: “No, officer. Nope. No way. I’m a non-drinker now. I gave up drinking and a haven’t touched a drop since.”

Officer: “That’s great to hear, sir. Congratulations!”

Motorist: “Thank you, officer. Yep, best decision of my life.”
<...

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A blonde lady motorist was two hours from San Diego when she was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down.

The man walked up to the car and asked, "Are you going to San Diego?"

"Sure," answered the blonde, "do you need a lift?"

"Not for me. I'll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck. My problem is I've got two chimpanzees in the back which have to be taken
to the San Diego Zoo...

A blonde cop stops a blonde motorist...

A blonde cop stops blonde motorist and asks for her driving license.

The Motorist scuffles around in her purse and can't find it. She says to the cop, "I must have left it at home officer."

The cop says, "Well, do you have any kind of identification?" The motorist scuffles around in ...

A Pennsylvania cop gets a call...

A Pennsylvania cop gets called to a hit & run by a passing motorist. He arrives on the scene to find a turned over Amish buggy, an unconscious man, and the horse loose & grazing on the side of the road. He calls an ambulance for the man and begins writing the accident report. Out of frustrat...

Speeding motorist

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street.

"But officer," the man began, "I can explain."

"Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back."

"But, officer, I just wanted to s...

An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area.

Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse named Buddy.

He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, "Pull, Nellie, pull." Buddy didn't move.

Then the farmer hollered, "Pull, Buster, pull." Buddy didn't respond.

Once more the farmer commanded, "Pull, Jennie, pu...

A policeman pulls over a speeding motorist...

and asks him "Why were you speeding?"

The man replies, "I was going to the Policeman ball."

The police officer replies, "But policemen don't have balls."

The man smiles and drives away.

Motorist help. (Long)

A man is standing on a Texas roadside with his broken VW Beetle.

A man in a Lamborghini pulls over and offers to help him. The Beetle owner agrees, and the guy from the Lambo tells him to flash his high beams if they are going too fast.

So they go. At some point, the Lambo+Beetle comb...

A motorist stopped at a country ford and asked an Irishman sitting nearby how deep the water was. "A couple of inches." replied the Irishman. So the motorist drove into the ford and his car promptly disappeared beneath the surface in a cauldron of bubbles.

"That's odd" thought the Irishman. "The water only goes halfway up on them ducks."

A blonde motorist is pulled over by a blonde policewoman for speeding.

The female cop asks for the blonde's drivers licence. The blonde motorist asks 'Sorry officer, what does it look like?'
The policewoman replies 'It's a small rectangular thing with your picture on it'.
The blond gives the policewoman her make-up mirror.
The blonde cop responds with 'I think...

Breaking news just in. A cement mixer has collided with a prison van on the highway,

Motorists are asked to be on the lookout for 16 hardened criminals

A motorist was pulled over by a traffic cop.

"Excuse me, sir," said the cop. "Do you realize your wife fell out of the car two miles back?"

"Thank God," he said. "I thought I'd gone deaf!"

Good, Better, Best

GOOD:



A Madison, WI policeman had a perfect spot to watch for speeders, but wasn’t getting many. Then he discovered the problem. A 12-year-old boy was standing up the road with a hand-painted sign, which read, “RADAR TRAP AHEAD.”

The officer later found a young accomplice ...

A woman is waiting for her elderly husband to come home

She turns on the news and sees a live report of a dangerous motorist driving the wrong way down the motorway, so she calls her husband to warn him.

He responds: "Just one? There's bloody hundreds of them!"

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A motorcycle cop stops

a driver for running a red light. The driver
is a real jerk, steps out of his car and comes striding toward the officer,
demanding to know why he is being harassed by the Gestapo!


So the officer calmly tells him of the red light violation. The motorist
instantly goes on a tirade,...

20 Tons of Canaries

There was a man driving down the road behind an 18 wheeler; at every stoplight the trucker would get out of the cab, run back and bang on the trailer door.
After seeing this at several intersections in a row the motorist followed him until he pulled into a parking lot.

When they both had...

I get self conscious about driving my lowered car at times.

I feel like other motorists are always looking down on me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The other day I saw a girl texting while driving.

The other day I saw a girl texting while driving. Doesn't she realize how dangerous that is? She had no concern for all the people she was on the road with. I thought of all the other motorist that she was putting in danger with her reckless behavior and this pissed me off. So I rolled down my windo...

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In Memory of Ronnie Corbett

Here's some of his best jokes

- A cement mixer collided with a prison van on the Kingston by-pass. Motorists are asked to be on the look-out for 16 hardened criminals.

- We will be talking to an out of work contortionist who says he can no longer make ends meet.

- A man was maro...

Guy walks into a taxidermists with two boxes, one under each arm...

Guy walks into a taxidermists with two boxes, one under each arm. He rings the bell and the owner appears and says "Yes sir, how can I help?"

"Well" says the guy "It's my two pet monkeys. They were playing football out in the street and weren't looking what they were doing and, well, they wer...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An English man visits America, hoping to hear a joke...

He spends a week in New York, going to comedy shows, asking people on the street, spending hours and hours in bars waiting for someone interesting to walk in, but never manages to hear one he's never heard before.

He gets a cab to go to the airport and the cabbie asks him, "Why the long face...

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