My girlfriend gave me a steamed ball of dough filled with meat and veggies.

I think she's dumpling me.

Did you hear about the line of veggie burgers released by Greta Van Fleet?

They are 100% plant-based.

Muhammad Ali’s son was conceived over his parents splitting a veggie platter.

His name was Brock Ali.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A sweet old lady is making lunch for her husband one day...

She had been making him the same lunch for the past 40 years. His favorite: a sandwich on italian bread, made with turkey, american cheese, pickles, onions, mustard, and mayo. The husband walks into the kitchen, sits down, and takes a bite. His wife asks the same thing she always asks, “Hows the san...

Veggies

Man 1: What’s your favorite vegetable?

Man 2: Aspara-guess

Mary needed veggies for dinner...

but her nails weren't dry yet, and she had friends coming over. She sent a text to her husband.
"Honey please don’t forget to buy vegetables on your way back from the office. And Priscilla says 'Hi' to you."

Paul, her husband replied, "Who is Priscilla?"

"Nobody, I was just making ...

me: Can I play some music?

**uber driver:** Yeah, sure.

**me *[pulling out my tuba]*:** Do u like veggie tales?

A little girl was eating her veggies

Suddenly one of the pea pods came to life and began pleading for its life, "No giant! Please spare me and I will take you to my kingdom where my queen(mother) will reward you with much more than my life!"

With nothing better to do, the girl accepts the offer and follows the talking pea to his...

TIFU by accidentally giving my vegetarian girlfriend my Italian Sandwich from quizno's instead of her Veggie Delight Sandwich.

Oops wrong sub.

How I accidentally crushed a vegan customer's soul at Subway ;-;

So I work at Subway, yesterday I had a chick come in, she told me she wanted a Veggie Delight. As I went to get the bread she asked me if I could change my gloves cause she was vegan and I had been handling meat. I did that, no problem, perfectly reasonable request. I get her bread, toast it and put...

I was victim of mugging once

I had walked down to the grocery store to get a few ingredients for pot roast. I already had the meat in the fridge at home so I really just needed the vegetables. I picked out some onions, carrots, and some potatoes. After paying, I started walking back to my apartment. Some mean looking guy po...

What do you call a coma ward?

A veggie salad

What was the title of the book written by the lobotomist?

Veggie tales

Why did the cheeseburger fight the veggie burger?

It had beef.

I like to keep my Thanksgiving dinner simple: turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, and veggies

Everything else is just gravy

Why can you never compromise with a veggie burger?

Because they'll never meat in the middle.

Why did the veggie band sound horrible live?

Because they were missing a beet.

What did the veggies say, as they sat down for supper?

"Lettuce, pray."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It was Christmas time in the concentration camp..

And the Nazis figured that they would have a bit of fun with the “inmates”.

So they roasted up a huge duck, filled with veggies, plums, sauce and glazed with butter.


They walk in to the yard and place the duck, as the Jews gathered around to see what was going on.

They tol...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Apparently humans worldwide consume 55 million chickens every single day

Answer me this, veggies: do YOU want to live with an extra 20 billion chickens running about each year?

Thought not. Shut the fuck up and join the fight. Then we'll start on the bastard cows.

A chef was preparing for his busy Friday night shift…

A chef was preparing for his busy Friday night shift when his coworker called in sick. Friday nights were always busy at the restaurant and he was the only one working the kitchen. He decides to grab one of the busboys to help him cook for the night.

“Alright,” the chef says, “tonight is busy...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A new supermarket opened near my house.

A new supermarket opened near my house. It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.

When you approach the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and experience the scent of fresh hay.

W...

What do you call a children's show about a bunch of brain-dead people?

Veggie Tales

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two Sandwiches in a Deli

One day two sandwiches are sitting in a deli. One sandwich - a veggie sandwich - asks the other "Hey man, if you could be any kind of sandwich, what would you be?"


The other sandwich - a turkey sandwich - isn't in the mood. He retorts "I'm tired man. I don't feel like having a deep conv...

I'm a second-hand vegetarian

Cows eat the veggies. I eat the cows.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jesus decided to come down on earth after 2000 years

And wanted to save people. He saw an old lady, looking rather devoted religious type, long coat, veggie cart etc. He walked up to her and said "Hi, I'm Jesus and I'm here to save you". She started hitting him with her bag, shouting "Get lost you heretic!". Sad Jesus continued his soul saving quest.<...

A fruit probably wouldn't travel to Australia

But a veggie might

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.