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Legume Jokes

My friend Jack’s special talent is communicating with legumes.

Jack and the beans talk.

I read about a guy that blocked an entire river with nothing but legumes

Dam thats nuts

I just found out I'm allergic to legumes

Doctor says it's a lentil illness

The one about Legumes

What’s the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean?

Donald Trump has never had a garbanzo bean on his face.

What's the difference between a chickpea and a legume?

I won't pay $200 to have a legume on my face.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the Japanese legume go as for Halloween?

An edamummy!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did one peanut say to the other peanut during sex?

Ugh, Imma legume!

Are you a legume?

Cause I can’t get thos beans off my mind

Ash Wednesday was yesterday so my family is going to be eating a lot more legumes

Mostly lentils

What is a poet's favorite legume?

Rhyma-beans!

What is Donald Trump’s favourite legume?

Chick pee

A legume broke out of prison today

Police are looking for the escapea.

There’s a peanut on an airplane

And he’s chatting it up with a flight attendant, this peanut’s name is Dillon. They’re having a very intimate conversation about where they’re from and where they are in life right now. Dillon is in the middle of explaining his ethnic background when the flight attendant interrupts him and says ‘No ...

As a new Dad, my dad joke senses are tingling. I made this joke (better when spoken). "Why did the 7 foot man take 2 cans of Garbanzo beans on the flight?"

Because he wanted more legume.

Fun Facts about ants

So as you may or may not know, ants have many breeds, but above these breeds, two general groups can be seen in ants around the world. These groups are the Macro ants (Big ants), and the Micro ants (Small ants).

Multiple different breeds of ants can be found in each of the two groups (Such ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I came home yesterday to find my roommate balls deep in the Planters guy.

I said "Are you fucking nuts".

He replied, "They're actually legumes".

The Vegan Paradox

Vegans eat Legumes......

Yet they say they would never eat anything with a pulse.....

At a press conference, Sarah Sanders is asked, "why has Trump imposed tarrifs on soybeans but not chickpeas?"

Sarah rolled her eyes and contorted her face even more, then replied, "listen Jim Acosta, I don't know what you're agenda is with that question, but suffice it to say that the President's decision on which legumes to tarrif is deeply rooted in the fact that he's never had a Russian soybean on his he...

Why did the bean sell his car?

The back seat didn't have enough legume.

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