Apparently adding herbs to your garbage can makes it smell better.

But I don't have thyme for that rubbish.

Did you hear about the guy who owned the Earth's supply of herbs?

He had all the thyme in the world

They FINALLY published my book on herbs

It's about thyme

I was bored so I made a robot to distribute herbs

It helped pass the thyme

What did Herb say when Rosemary knocked at the door?

Cumin

My wife left me because, according to her, I talk about herbs and spices too much.

Oh well.... It was probably thyme.

What is the best herb to give your lover?

A BAE leaf

I keep my herbs in alphabetical order

People ask me how I find the thyme. It's easy. It's right next to the Sage

Sorry to anyone who felt my joke about herbs and fish was inappropriate.

I realise there’s a thyme and a plaice for these things...

Did you hear Gordon Ramsay wrote a book about herbs?

It’s about thyme!

I spent over 3 hours making a belt out of herbs, but in hindsight...

it's just a waist of thyme.

I've been sacked from my job as a chef after spending every shift chopping herbs instead of cooking meals.

They couldn't be dealing with thyme wasters.

I hope I can save my herb garden from this infestation.

I'm running out of thyme!

My best friend was a chef. He called last week to say that he found a hidden message in his herb and spice rack. He was quite paranoid and later that day he was found dead.

I should have believed him when he said his Thyme was running out.

So I hear they are going to start using bio diesel made from herbs for trains.....

....maybe ours will now run on Thyme.

Last night, in bed, my wife asked me to put fresh fish and herbs on her.

I said, "There's a thyme and a plaice for that sort of thing."

I changed the tags of my mother’s herb jars. She hasn’t notice it yet..

But the thyme is cumin

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Whenever I’m late for work I just masturbate near the herb rack

That way I always come on thyme.

She handed me a jar and said, "This herb goes well with pork, beef, duck and chicken recipes, and fatty meats in particular."

I looked at the label and thought, "That is some sage advice."

Have you noticed that some herbs taste much better at Christmas?

It's the most wonderful thyme of the year.

I was walking down the street and from a window a pot of herbs fell on my head...

Im alright, it wasn't a big dill

I have developed this weird ability to move some spices and herbs

I can control thyme

Why couldn't Mary Poppins keep her herb garden alive?

Because Bert kept stepping in the thyme.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the sexiest herb?

It's not basil, but it *is* dilldo.

Did you hear about scientist exposing herbs to nuclear radiation?

It led to some amazing exspearmints.

On my weekends I've been inventing a machine that can distribute herbs and spices to any place at my dining table.

It's not much, but it passes the thyme.

How long does it take to grow a herb garden?

A lot of thyme

Did you hear about the guy who went to prison for smoking herbs?

He's doing time for doing thyme.

What do you call a funny herb?

Sillyantro

Three crocheted dolls

Herb was tidying up the attic when he came across a box that he didn’t recognise.

He opened it up and found three crocheted dolls in it, lying on what looks like several hundred dollars of cash in small bills.

He takes the box down and asks Ruby, his wife of 47 years, whether she knows...

My gardener talked to me about edible herbs I can grow.

It was sage advice.

My girlfriend threatened to leave me over my reliance on herbs...

But I said I needed thyme to think.

Just watched a 5-minute video of some guy throwing herbs in the garbage

What a complete waste of thyme

Why does a bored chef cut herbs?

He wants to waste thyme!

I’ll let myself out

I just found an amazing way to grow herbs!

It may take some thyme, though...

My flirtatious neighbor called me and said that she bought too many zucchinis and ended up making two cheese and zucchini pies. She said I was welcome to come over and take one, and she also had some left over herbs that I could have.

So I went over, and she told she had just finished reading a Cosmo article called "which traffic sign are you?"



"Which traffic sign would your ideal woman be?" she asked me seductively.



I said " Ain't no particular sign I'm more compatible with I just want your extra t...

I heard that Sean Connery likes to cover his food in herbs.

But only partially.

Where does a herb garden go on holiday?

Bazil

I’d tell you a joke about herbs

But I don’t have enough thyme to do that

When should you crush herbs?

When you need to kill some Thyme!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Mint Contest

John runs a candy shop, selling mints of all kinds. Business was good, until Covid hit.

John realized he’ll have to shut down the store and risk losing his business, unless he could figure out a way to advertise and sell his confections on the Internet. His nephew suggested running a contest ...

I recently finished my long overdue book on my favourite herb....

It’s about thyme

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

At last, someone's written a book about herb erotica...

It's about fucking thyme

I couldn't find the right herb while cooking the other day. So I put oregano in instead...

I always try to make up for lost thyme

After years of searching, I finally found a great herb joke.

It's about thyme.

What is the most popular herb in Asia?

Koreander.

What happened to the Herb Farmer when evidence was found that he'd been stealing from his company?

He was convicted on counts of Embasilment.

When I'm bored I like to sprinkle dried herbs into my palms

I have way too much thyme on my hands.

My weekend is looking like a poorly organized herb gardener.

Nothing but thyme on my hands.

Headline: Herb-Powered Vehicle Sends User to Past or Future of Choice

Byline: Thyme Travel

My friends always say I’m late, so I’ve started putting herbs in my shoes.

Now I can always be on thyme.

Whoever took my herbs last night:



You’re living on borrowed thyme

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A couple goes to therapy

A couple goes to therapy to discuss their issues.

The therapist asks. So, why are we here today?

The husband quickly try to explain.

So what happened was, that I was cleaning up in the kitchen, while putting something away I spilled a bunch of dried herbs all over the place. My...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Gordon Ramsey today released his long-awaited book about having sex with herbs.

It's about fucking thyme.

My lil brother wanted to make a herb bouquet.

My little brother wanted to make a herb bouquet for his school assignment. So i helped him to make it. It took us 5 hours to collect all kinds of herbs from our garden and made an amazing bouquet. But the next morning, when he had to go to school, the herbs were dried and ugly.

Turns out, al...

I was at a funeral the other day and a couple in front of me were loudly arguing about which herb goes best with which fish...

I could only think it wasn’t the Thyme or Plaice...

I would put more herbs in my meals

but I can never find the thyme

I really need to upgrade my knowledge about a particular herb.

It's about thyme.

If you've spent ages figuring out how to put herbs and spices on your belt loop...

...you've waisted thyme.

I was bored, so I spent all day re-arranging my spice rack, only for one of the herb jars to exploded all over me...

I've got way too much thyme on my hands

The waiter asked me if I wanted any herbs on my food

But I don't have the thyme for that

I was unlucky to be sacked as a chef for using the incorrect fish and herbs

Wrong plaice, wrong thyme

My neighbor was very urgent when asking me for herbs.

He said that he was running out of thyme.

If a recipe calls for you to turn off the heat and begin mincing your herbs to add to the dish, that step would be called:

Stop. Hammer thyme.

Did you hear about the man who reviews herbs and spices?

I heard he's a seasoned expert.

I was going to add some herbs to my cooking

but I had to serve it soon and there wasn’t any thyme

I almost completed my collection of herbs and spices today!

But i didn't have the thyme.

What’s a postman’s favourite herb?

Parcel-y

We should move to a herb based fuel economy

We can finally make the trains run on thyme.

Barry Allen (the Flash) wanted to have an herb garden, but decided against it.

I mean, he really shouldn't be travelling through thyme...

A woman once claimed she could hit me from across the kitchen with a fancy bottle of herbs.

I told her not to threaten me with a good thyme.

I once knew a very wise herb gardner

He was know for his sage advice

A Vietnamese restaurant is offering herbed potato sticks served with a bowl of noodle soup.

Thyme fries when you’re having pho.

The Heart-Shaped Herb has been responsible for granting superhuman powers to every King of Wakanda in the line.

It blessed the reigns down in Africa.

If you get helpful tips from a man called Herb...

Is it sage advice?

My mom asked me to throw some herbs in our dinner...

I told her I didn’t have the thyme.

What's a blind pothead's favorite herb?

Seaweed

I was hosting a funeral for my goldfish, and my friend thought it was okay to ask "What herbs should I season which fish with?"

I told him "Come on dude, there's a thyme and plaice."

Too Much

My friend filled an entire swimming pool up with herbs.



He had a lot of thyme on his hands.

I grew a massive herb in my garden.

I told all of my family and friends about it but none of them thought it was a big dill.

Herb was diagnosed with cancer.

It was a basil-cell carcinoma.

Picking herbs is an awful job...

... It's very thyme consuming.

What do you call a Herb salesman who is doing well for himself?

Minted.

My girlfriend left me because she said I focus too much on growing and giving away herbs for really low prices

Now I don't know what to do with all this free thyme on my hands

Did you hear about the chef who spilled his herbs on the floor?

Cleaning it up was a massive waste of thyme.

What basic skill do herb farmers always struggle with?

Thyme management

If you break your leg... put some herbs on it.

I mean, thyme heals all wounds.

I've never really got the point of herbs and seasoning...

I just think it's a waste of thyme.

I asked a friend of mine what it was like being a herb farmer....

...He said its not so bad and that he had a lot of thyme on his hands.

Why couldn't the man open a fish and herb shop?

Because he didn't have the thyme or the plaice.

2 weeks building a greenhouse for my herbs only to see it blown away in freak winds

What a waste of thyme!

Tonight I made salmon for supper

As it was gently cooking in a warm bath of garlic, herbs, lemon, wine, and onion I got a visit from a Fish and Wildlife officer. He said “sir we have reason to believe that salmon has been poached”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Italian herb seller gets a loan from the mafia.

Two weeks later, the boss walks in for his payment. Unable to pay his debt, the herb seller pleads for his life.

"Please sir, give me one more week!" he exclaims.

"No," responds the boss, "your thyme is up." r/pissing

A man in Victorian clothes just appeared out of thin air and handed me a fistful of herbs.

I think he might be a Thyme traveller.

A tree, a herb and a bush were chilling together in the jungle one day when they came face to face (or leaf to face) with God..

God tells them that they must each do one deed to save the dying planet.


The tree convinces all of its kind to double their oxygen output, making the Earth's air fresher and cleaner than it ever was.


The herb begins synthesizing the ultimate cure all compound in its leaves, whi...

Man got tired of his wife constantly picking on him started playing poker

A henpecked man got tired of his wife constantly picking on him, so he started playing poker on Friday nights with his buddies just to get some relief.

After he came home she'd start right in on him again.


After several weeks went by, he came home early one Friday night about 9:...

I've finally finished my fresh herb cookbook

It's about thyme

Why do herb pickers have so many hobbies?

They've got a lot of thyme on their hands

Did you hear about the vegan what converted their car to run run on herbs?

They wanted to thyme travel!

Did you see the headline about the film director who stormed off set after someone filled his trailer with herbs?

Michael Bay Leaves

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