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Mushroom Jokes

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Mushrooms

Two men who have not seen each other in over ten years are meeting for a drink

Billy: So Mark, what is new in your life?

Mark: Well, I am getting married for the fourth time on Saturday.

Billy: Fourth time, What happened to Amanda?

Mark: She died from eating poison mushro...

My friend studies mushrooms

So I told him he's a fun guy.

He says that's the moldest joke in the book.

I said it's a classic, one you myght call OG.

"Amanita explanation on that one," he says.

"Nevermind," I say, "s'porely written anyway."

I watched this documentary last night on mushrooms

I think that's how I'm going to watch all of them from now on.

Mushroom trip

A guy sits in his shared apartment when his drug enthusiast roommate walks in.

"Hey, I just bought some mushrooms from my dealer, he said it's some serious business, so don't be scared if I won't come out of my room for a few hours!"

The next day the roommate is found dead. The cause o...

Mushroom Pasta

Yesterday I found some delicious mushroom cream pasta in my fridge. That was quite a surprise because I don’t remember adding mushroom into the pasta 4 weeks ago.

I tripped on some mushrooms

... hurt my knees, but I'm alright

So a mushroom walks into a bar. Bartender says "We don't serve mushrooms here. You're always ruining jokes."

The mushroom says "Come on. I'm a nice guy."

Why is it never frustrating to teach mushrooms?

Because even if they don’t have the correct answer, they always have a *fun-guess.*

*dad-joke collaboration with a 7-year old*

What did the mushroom’s wife say at his funeral?

What a shame, he was a fungi.

A great tragedy befalls Russia

At a state dinner dozens of high ranking officials have died. After eating a mushroom cream soup generals started falling to the floor left and right.

The investigation is quick: the official cause is mushroom poisoning. Members of the press are invited to the scene of the tragedy.

"A...

What kind of vehicle does a mushroom drive?

A spores car!

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What did Mario say when he found out he got drunk and had sex with a green mushroom?

"Well, I fucked that one up."

Why did the mushroom stop going to parties?

He was tired of people telling him he was a fun guy.

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Whats good on pizza but not on pussy?

crust.





edit: yall keep making better jokes in the comments LMAO

possible answers : red sauce, white sauce, yeast, cheese, senior discount (wtf), crabs, hot sauce, mushrooms. damn yall are just funnier than me lol

Did you know that some special kinds of mushrooms make people think more clearly?

That’s just some food for thought.

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Why did the Mushroom taste like shit?

Because it was a Toadstool.

A joke I remember making up when I was 7 : What do you get when a giant steps on a house?

Mushrooms

My mushroom just cracked a hilarious joke

I have a feeling he is a Fungi

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I thought I picked a mushroom that smelled like poop

Turns out it was just toad stool

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Why do penises look like mushrooms?

Because they grow on fun guys
-credit to my wife for this one

In Jamaica you can get a steak and kidney pie for £1.75…

…a chicken and mushroom pie for £1.60 and an apple pie for £2.15.

In St Kitts and Nevis a steak and kidney pie will cost you £2, a chicken pie (without mushrooms) is £1.70 and a cherry pie can be yours for £1.95.

In Trinidad and Tobago, that steak and kidney pie comes in at £2.50, but ...

I tried to befriend a mushroom today.

I heard that he’s a fungi.

What do prize winning competitive mushroom pickers eat in the morning?

Breakfast of Champignons

I once met a man who claimed to be a mushroom

He's was a bit simple but a really fungi

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I don’t care for your opinion on mushrooms.

It’s a shit take.

Why was the mushroom invited to the party?

Because he was a fungi!

But why was he asked to leave?

Because there wasn’t mushroom…

A very very bad joke, but original: What do you call the shape of a mushroom?

an irregular mycosohedron

A mushroom walks into a bar...

A mushroom walks into the bar, and orders a couple drinks. He gets a little tipsy, but he orders another. He gets properly drunk, so when he tries to order another, the bartender says "Sorry sir, we need to cut you off, you can't have any more." The mushroom says "Why not? I'm a fungi!"

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What’s the most verbally abusive mushroom?

Shit-talk-ie!

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What is the most toxic kind of mushroom?

A shit-talk-e mushroom

What did the girl mushroom say to the boy mushroom?

Hey you look like a fun guy,

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Mushrooms

A man walks into a bar and sits down.

The bartender asks "What'll it be?"

Man says "Whiskey... leave the bottle."

"You got it, everything alright?"

"I just became a widower for the 3rd time"

"Oh god, pal! I'm so sorry! You seem so young, can I ask what happened?"...

Why did the girl mushroom go out with the boy mushroom?

She heard he was a Funguy

One mushroom turned to the other mushroom and says...

“What do you know about my father?”
The other mushroom replies, “not much, but I heard he’s a fun guy.”

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What kind of mushrooms always gossip about you behind your back?

Shit-talk-y mushrooms!

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I tried to post my opinion on mushrooms

But it was a shittake!

A farmer wanted to start growing mushrooms

But he didn't have any spores or enough space to grow them, so unfortunately he wasn't able to. He just didn't have mushroom.

All mushrooms are edible

But some mushrooms are only edible once

Did you hear about the mushroom who parked illegally?

He was Toad.

What is a French Mushroom’s favourite rock song?

We Are The Champignons

Ate some weird mushrooms last night and somehow ended up in a Mazda car sales yard tripping like crazy....

Shroom Shroom.

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How much space is needed for fungi to grow?

As mushroom as possible.

What do you call a mushroom that has nothing nice to say?

A shi'talkin mushroom

A mushroom walks into a bar...

He walks up to the barman and says

"Can I have a beer?"

The barman peers down at the little mushroom and says

"I can't serve you - your a mushroom!"

The mushroom with consternation replies

"Oh come on! I'm a fun guy!" (Fungi)

Did you hear about the blind guy who took mushrooms then ran a marathon?

Dude was trippin.

Where did you get this mushroom recipe?

Husband asks his wife.

\- "In a detective novel." she answers.

Why was the mushroom hunter a good person?

He had really good morels

Why did the mushroom go to the party?

Because he’s a fungi.

What did the mushroom get after leavinf the party?

Fungal infection.

A mushroom walks into a bar, puts down a $5 bill, says "Gimme a drink!"

Bartender says "Get outta here, we don't serve your kind!"
Mushroom says "Why not? I'm a fun guy!"

Why was the mushroom the life of the party?

Because he was giving out free cocaine

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Little mushrooms

A horny young man is walking down by a mushroom patch behind a nunnery, when he gets an idea. He strips, lies on his back, and buries himself with just his erection sticking out, disguised among the other mushrooms. Before long, a pretty, dainty young nun comes out with a basket and begins picking m...

Why shouldn't you eat mushrooms as an appetiser?

Because it leaves not-mushroom for the rest of your food.

Did you hear about the man that trespassed on his neighbor's property to steal mushrooms?

Turns out he has bad morals.

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What kind of mushrooms get in the most fights?

Shit talky mushrooms

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My first wife died from eating poisonous mushrooms.

My second wife died from eating poisonous mushrooms.

My third wife died from a cracked skull...

...the bitch wouldn't eat her mushrooms.

A man was deathly allergic to mushrooms. After a huge fight, his wife cooked a mushroom into his dinner. He ate it and died.

The morel of the story.. killed him.

Mushrooms

A man was talking to his friend on the phone after many years:

"Hey buddy, how is your life, heards you got married again, is this the fourth time now?"

"Yes"

"So what happened to your ex-wives, do you still see them?"

"No, they're all dead."

"My condolences, how ...

What do you call a lady who enjoys mushrooms?

A fungal.

A mushroom walks up to a bar but the bouncer stops him and points at a sign that says "NO MUSHROOMS".

The mushroom says "Hey what's the big deal, I'm a fungii!"

My uncle always hated eating mushrooms...

...but now that he's dead, they're beginning to grow on him.

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My take is this: Life is a flavorful mushroom from Japan.

Sorry, I know that’s a shit take

Fourteen mushrooms were sitting at a lunch table.

One more asked to join. One of them said, “Sorry there is not mushroom”

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What is mushroom sexual entertainment called?

Sporn.

A husband and wife were out in the forest mushroom picking

The husband thought he found a mushroom and picked it up. To his disappointment it was an ordinary rock. Enraged, he threw it. After he threw it, he heard something glass breaking.

The pair rushed over to see what it is, and found a shack in the forest. A man in very bright clothing came out....

Who was the leader of the Mushroom army?

Fungus Khan!!!

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What do you call a mushroom that likes to gossip?

A shit-talkie

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Why wasn’t the Mushroom invited to the party?

The host thought he looked like a Real Dick

I was illegally hunting for mushrooms.

I have questionable morels.

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What's Blue and lies under a mushroom ?

Smurf poop

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My stomach doesn’t tolerate mushrooms.

They really give me a shit ache.

Why did the mushroom go to the party?

Because he was a fun-gi, why did he leave? There wasn't mush room.

Why’s it a bad idea to eat mushrooms for dinner?

Because you won’t have mushroom left for dessert.

Why does everyone like the mushroom?

'Cause he's a fun-gi.

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At work they treat me like a mushroom.

They feed me shit and keep me in the dark.

What’s it called when a mushroom reaches its climax?

Sporegasm

“You know, I think it’s your turn to pick wild mushrooms.” My girlfriend said.

So I gather.

A mushroom walks into a bar and sidles up to a stool.

Bartender: “You’ll need to leave. We don’t serve your kind here.”

Mushroom: “Why not? I’m a . . . fun-gi.”

What do you call a Mexican mushroom?

un Puertobello

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Did you know that mushrooms are really similar to frog poop?

They're toadstools.

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A man lived next door to three nuns...

He noticed that early every morning the nuns would go out into their back garden to pick mushrooms.

First the small nun would come out with her basket. "One little mushroom, tra la la! Two little mushroom, tra la la! Three little mushroom, tra la la!"

Then the middle size nun would c...

Mushrooms are the most virtuous of fungi...

they have the best morels.

Why did people invite the mushroom to the party?

Because he’s really, really cute!

Make sure to always be careful when eating mushrooms

If you eat the wrong one you could be in truffle

Why did the thief Rob a mushroom store?

Because he had no morels.

I went to a Fancy Dress Party dressed as a mushroom.

Everyone said that I was a Fun Guy...

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Did you hear about the mushroom hunter who was terrible at finding edible mushrooms, so would resort to stealing them from the baskets of other hunters?

He had no morel compass.

What do you call a mushroom with a 12 inch stalk?

A fungi to go out with

Why did the introverted mushroom decide to go to more parties?

Because everyone told him he was a fungi

Why did the girl invite the mushroom to the school dance?

Because he was a Fun-gi

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