Fourteen mushrooms were sitting at a lunch table.

One more asked to join. One of them said, “Sorry there is not mushroom”

Why did the mushroom go to the party? Because he was a fungi.

Why did the fungi leave the party?

Because there wasn't mushroom

I watched a documentary on mushrooms tonight.

I'll probably watch them all like that from now on.

Why did God make mushrooms?

Cause there wasn't mushroom for anything else

Why did the girl mushroom go out with the boy mushroom?

She heard he was a Funguy

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Why was the mushroom collecting animal poop?

It was looking for a toad stool.

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What do you call when you mix brandy, shitake mushrooms, rat poison and a dash of vanilla essence?

The ambulance

I met this dude once who was really into mushrooms.

He was a real fun guy.

Why did the introverted mushroom decide to go to more parties?

Because everyone told him he was a fungi

Why did people invite the mushroom to the party?

Because he’s really, really cute!

A mushroom walks into a bar...

A mushroom walks into a bar and orders a drink, but the bartender yells at him to get out before he stinks up the place. The mushroom looks taken aback and says, “Why? I’m a fun guy.”

What’s the world’s biggest mushroom competition?

The champignon’s league.

Why was the mushroom farmer a good person?

He had really good morels.

When I was younger, I used to hate eating mushrooms, but now I think they’re growing on me...

...and I can’t get them off

Once I went to a party dressed as a mushroom

I really am a fun-guy

How much space would a single, fun guy need for his new apartment?

mushroom!

Karen served wild mushrooms to the church group.

A group of country friends from the Wildwood Church wanted to get together on a regular basis, socialize, and play games. The lady of the house was to prepare the meal.

When it came time for Tom and Karen to be the hosts, Karen wanted to outdo all the others. Karen decided to have mushroom-sm...

I went to a Fancy Dress Party dressed as a mushroom.

Everyone said that I was a Fun Guy...

What did the mushroom say when he needed a little more time?

Amanita minute.

Who was the leader of the Mushroom army?

Fungus Khan!!!

Mushrooms are the most virtuous of fungi...

they have the best morels.

How much room does fungi need to grow?

As mushroom as possible

Whilst holidaying in France I saw a group of mushrooms performing Queen covers.

I said 'You're brilliant, what's the band called?'
They replied 'We are the Champignons, my friend'

Why is the mushroom always invited to parties

Because he's a fun guy

Have you met my buddy Mushroom?

He's a fungi.

Did you hear about the girl who went crazy from doing mushrooms all the time?

She became a little spore addict.

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Two men are walking through the woods when suddenly voices ring out from the trees.

"You call those muscles?" "I bet your grandma is stronger than you" "I could beat you with one flick"

One of the men shouted into the woods, "Oh yeah? You wanna fight? Show yourself cowards!"

His friend laughed and said, "Just ignore them, those are just the Shit-talking mushrooms."

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Roses are red, wine is not water

When my cumsock grows mushrooms does that mean I am a father?

Took my final exam on magic mushrooms

I passed with flying colors

When Trump communicates with the American people, he follows the primary rule of mushroom farming . . .

# "Keep 'em in the dark and feed 'em horsesh*t".

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My first wife died from eating poisonous mushrooms.

My second wife died from eating poisonous mushrooms.

My third wife died from a cracked skull...

...the bitch wouldn't eat her mushrooms.

What do you call a mushroom with a 12 inch stalk?

A fungi to go out with

So, I'm a mushroom and I decided to ask a plant out.

She says she doesn't date fungi.


I guess I should be more hedgy.

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What do you call a mushroom that likes to gossip?

A shit-talkie

Why does everyone like the mushroom?

'Cause he's a fun-gi.

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What do you get when you cross poop with a mushroom?

Shit-take

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What is mushroom sexual entertainment called?

Sporn.

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Why wasn’t the Mushroom invited to the party?

The host thought he looked like a Real Dick

i've been married two times. my first wife died to poisonous mushrooms. the other sufred severe skull fracture.

\-what happened to her?

\-she didn't want to eat the mushrooms

Why can’t you ever get a word in while talking to a female mushroom?

Because, shiitake

My friend wants to sell mushroom tea teabags for $20.

I told him that’s steep.

mushroom walks into a bar

Bartender: we don't serve your kind here

Mushroom: come on i'm a fungi

Why is it not worth it to hunt for mushrooms?

It’s too much truffle.

A man was deathly allergic to mushrooms. After a huge fight, his wife cooked a mushroom into his dinner. He ate it and died.

The morel of the story.. killed him.

Every morning I eat French mushrooms...

It’s the breakfast of champignons

Why was the mushroom the life of the party?

Because he was giving out free cocaine

A man gets drunk and sleeps naked in the forest

A little girl was picking mushrooms in the same forest. She counted: one, two, three, four, five, five, five...

The next day the man wakes up and thought to himself: damn, that felt good, i should get drunk and fall asleep naked in the forest again. And so he did.

A bear was picking mu...

Why did the girl invite the mushroom to the school dance?

Because he was a Fun-gi

What do you call a Mexican mushroom?

un Puertobello

I don’t tell jokes about fungi for a reason...

Too *mushroom* for error.

What did one mushroom say to compliment the other mushroom?

“You’re a fungi.”

A mushroom walks into a bar and sidles up to a stool.

Bartender: “You’ll need to leave. We don’t serve your kind here.”

Mushroom: “Why not? I’m a . . . fun-gi.”

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You'd think sex on mushrooms would be fun.

But it's sooo much better on a bed.

All mushrooms are edible

But some mushrooms are only edible once

Why did the thief Rob a mushroom store?

Because he had no morels.

What type of mushrooms are the worst to have as friends?

Shiitalkin!

(2 for 1) A mushroom walks into a bar...

The bartender says “Hey we don’t serve your kind here,”

Mushroom says “why not? Im a fun guy”

—-

A string walks into a bar

The bartender says “Hey we don’t serve your kind here,”

The string goes out feeling dejected and sits on the curb. He absently ties a knot in ...

My father says he works with a guy who has a mushroom growing out of his head

I've never met him but he sounds like a fungi

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Did you hear about the mushroom hunter who was terrible at finding edible mushrooms, so would resort to stealing them from the baskets of other hunters?

He had no morel compass.

I used to not like mushrooms...

But now there growing on me.

I’m sorry, there’s really not mushroom for good jokes here anymore

Wow I’m a fungi

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What did Mario say when he found out he got drunk and had sex with a green mushroom?

"Well, I fucked that one up."

My family was so poor, we lived in a toadstool.

There wasn't mushroom, but it was home.

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2 guys are talking at a bar

one guy tells the other "unbelievable my 3rd wife died" the other guy says" what happened to the first one? "he says" she ate poisonous mushrooms" "and the second?" he replies "poisonous mushrooms" shocked the other guy says "and let me guess the third one ate some poisonous mushrooms" the other gu...

I was explaining to my third wife that I had been married twice before, and that both marriages tragically ended in death.

Intrigued, the wife asks “How did they die?”

I explain “My first wife died after eating poisoned mushrooms while we were on our honeymoon.”

She says “I’m so sorry to hear that. What about the second wife?”

I respond with “She died of a mortal head injury. Fortunately for her, he...

My uncle always hated eating mushrooms...

...but now that he's dead, they're beginning to grow on him.

What did the girl mushroom say to the boy mushroom?

Hey you look like a fun guy,

A man has been found dead at the pizza parlour

He was covered in ham, pineapple, onions, mushrooms, bell pepper, ground beef, pepperoni and four cheeses.

Police are saying he topped himself.

One mushroom turned to the other mushroom and says...

“What do you know about my father?”
The other mushroom replies, “not much, but I heard he’s a fun guy.”

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Best remedy for constipation

Shit take mushrooms

A couple of fungi were cuddling one night

One says to the other - “it’s getting hot can you move over?”

The other replies - “I would but I don’t have mushroom!”

Hear about the mushroom who had to make a tough choice?

It was a big morrel dilemma.

Mushrooms

A man was talking to his friend on the phone after many years:

"Hey buddy, how is your life, heards you got married again, is this the fourth time now?"

"Yes"

"So what happened to your ex-wives, do you still see them?"

"No, they're all dead."

"My condolences, how ...

Whats the difference between stormtroopers haveing a party and mushrooms being picked?

One's bad guys having a fun time the other ones fungi having a bad time!

I once ate a quarter ounce of mushrooms and drove from Flint from Auburn hills while being lectured by a Giant Goldcap on why i'd never do mushrooms again.

Turns out, he was completely right.

If getting ordinary words confused with types of mushrooms was an Olympic sport...

I'd be world champignon.

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Mushrooms

A man walks into a bar and sits down.

The bartender asks "What'll it be?"

Man says "Whiskey... leave the bottle."

"You got it, everything alright?"

"I just became a widower for the 3rd time"

"Oh god, pal! I'm so sorry! You seem so young, can I ask what happened?"...

Why wasn’t the fungus invited on the road trip?

Because there wasn’t mushroom.

Please don’t blame my seven year old for this, it was written by an adult.

In Soviet Russia policeman questioning a man:

*This body is your mother in law, yes?*

**Yes**

*How did she die?*

**Mushroom poisoning**

*But why does she have 26 stab wounds?*

**She was refusing to eat them**

Did you hear about the Italian chef who died?

He pasta way. He just ran out of thyme. Here today, gone tomato. His wife is still upset, cheese still not over it. We never sausage a tragedy coming. Ashes to ashes, crust to crust. There’s just not mushroom for Italian chefs in today’s world.

A Broccoli, Mushroom, Walnut and Banana are talking about what they look like

Broccoli: Hey, I look like a tree.

Mushroom: Wow, I look just like an umbrella.

Walnut: I look exactly like a brain.

Banana: Man, can we change the topic please?

Mushrooms...

The breakfast of Champignons.

Why does the fungus always win the argument?

They don't leave mushroom for debate

Our local woods are full of mushrooms right now.

I'm always tripping on them

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