My girlfriend changed when she became a vegetarian

Its like I had never seen herbivore

What does the vegetarian cannibal eat?

Disabled people.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why don't vegetarians moan during sex?

Because they don't want to admit that a piece of meat makes them happy.

What do Native Americans call vegetarians?

One who is bad at hunting

I went to a vegetarian restaurant and the waiter asked, "How was your meal, sir?"

"It was very nice. My compliments to the gardener."

What do you call a vegetarian with diarrhea?

Salad shooter!

My friend set me up on a blind date with her vegetarian friend but I’m kind of nervous...

I’ve never met herbivore.

For some, becoming a vegetarian...

is a huge missed steak.

I like making jokes about vegetarians...

but never about tofu, that's just tasteless.

A girl came up to me and said she recognized me from her vegetarian restaurant

I was a bit confused

I never met herbivore

Why do vegetarians give good head?

Because they’re used to eating nuts.

Today I learned vegetarians can't eat pudding.

How can you have any pudding if you don't eat your meat?

Do vegetarians prefer moons or asteroids?

Moons, because asteroids are are a little meteor.

(Made up for my kids today)
#dadjoke #sorry

Did you hear about the hungry vegetarian?

He lost his tempeh

Being a vegetarian in Germany is so difficult.

It’s the wurst.

A Republican, Christian, Vegetarian and the Nicest man ever walks into a bar

And only orders water because Mr. Rogers didn't drink

I met Bruce Lee’s vegetarian brother today

His name is Brocko Lee

What did the impatient vegetarian say to the waiter?

Get me a soup! And make it snap pea!

If meat-eaters are Alpha, what are Vegetarians?

Alfalfa.

What do vegetarians say when they get a flat tire?

Should've bought asparagus.

My grammar has suffered since I became a vegetarian

I mistakes.

Do you know what the hardest part of becoming a vegetarian is?

To quit cold turkey.

"No thanks. I am a vegetarian."

is a fun thing to say when someone hands you a baby.

What did the vegetarian do at the club

Dropped a beet

Everyone knows of famous martial artist, Bruce Lee

But no one ever talks about his family.

His brother, the revolutionary vegetarian activist, Brocco Lee.

His cousin, the hesitant statistician, Probab Lee.

His uncle, the trustworthy politician, Honest Lee.

And of course, the Spanish inquisitor, Juan "Expected" Lee.

What's the name of Bruce Lee's vegetarian cousin?

BrocoLee

Why are asteroids vegetarians?

Because they aren't meteors.

The Greenie

A woman from Sydney who was a tree hugging, vegetarian and anti-hunter purchased a piece of native bush land in northern N.S.W.

There was a large gum tree on one of the highest points in her property.

She wanted a good view of the natural splendour of her land, so she started to climb ...

I went to this vegetarian BBQ party.

They smoked weed.

What do you call a rich vegetarian?

A melon baller.

I got caught up in a religious protest for vegetarianism before. It was weird enough to start with but it got surreal when I saw a nun throw a huge fish into the village pond and then a monk trying to get it out again only to end up netting a large slab of beef instead.

Still not sure what was weirder- seeing the nun chuck fish or the monk fish chuck.

How do you know if a person is a vegetarian?

Don’t worry, they’ll tell you.

A strict vegetarian crashes his plane in the middle of the country and has to find his way to civilization.

A strict vegetarian crashes his plane in the middle of the country and has to find his way to civilization. Due to a tragic experience as a child, he refuses to eat meat; he says the idea of eating what was once a living animal disgusts him and he could never enjoy eating meat. According to his ma...

What do you get charged with if you kill a vegetarian?

Coleslaughter.

Did you hear about the vegetarian who didn't want kids?

He got the parsnip.

Credit: jayC137

Clumsy vegetarians make the best DJs. They’re always dropping beets.

A vegetarian lady looked at my mutton curry and said, "You know, a sheep died so you could have that."

I looked at her salad and responded, "Maybe she died because you keep eating all her food!!"

My friend really changed when she became a vegetarian...

it's like I've never seen herbivore.

Science: cowfarts cause climate change. Vegetarians: I'll have what the cows are eating.

Science: cowfarts cause climate change.

Vegetarians: I'll have what the cows are eating.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hey Vegetarians

My food poops on yours.

Regular zombies say "braaaaaiiiins". What do vegetarian zombies say?

"Graaaiiiins"

I had to quit my vegetarian diet

Turns out they're a lot harder to catch than cows.

A women stopped me in the coffee shop the other day claiming she met me through a vegetarian-only dating website...

but I had never met herbivore.

What do vegetarians say at a rave?

Lettuce Turnip the Beet

Someone asked me whether my children are going to be vegetarian

I said they would probably be made of meat like everyone elses

A vegetarian, an atheist, and a cross fitter walk into a bar.

How do you know?

They’ve already told you

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My vegetarian friend

My vegetarian friend believes that animals don't deserve to just die for our food, and she always lectures everybody about it. One day, I caught her having a Carribean takeaway, which was clearly chicken, so I did what she would've done and started going on about how that chicken didn't deserve to d...

How do zombies eat healthier?

They switch to vegetarians.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why should you never have sex with a female vegetarian

She might give you her peas

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was a vulture who had a rebellious son.

He would preen his feathers so they stood up, hang out with raccoons, and generally be a nuisance to the rest of the flock. Thinking that it was just a phase, his father didn't worry too much about it and hoped that one day his son would grow up.

However, one day his son came home with terrib...

Somewhere over the Alps...

A strictly vegetarian airliner crashes during a storm. A large portion of the passengers and crew receive serious brain damage, while a few are mostly unharmed. With so little food on-board, these few are given a choice: Eat the others, or do the morally correct thing and try to survive on what they...

How many vegetarians does it take to eat a bacon cheeseburger?

One, if no one's looking.

A vegetarian meets a bear in the woods. The vegetarian says to the bear: Listen bear, this ain't gonna work, I'm a vegetarian.

The bear thinks for himself: Guess that makes me a humanitarian.

How did the vegetarian redditor cook her meat?

She didn't, because she likes it r/aww.

Why are vegetarians never involved in Any drama?

They can’t stand beef

I met this vegetarian and she looks very familiar

Seems like I met herbivore

Doctor to vegetarian : Where do u feel the pain ?

Vegetarian : from my head tomato

What do vegetarian zombies eat?

Graaaaains!

Stolen from /u/tinyahjumma comment on r/askreddit

Why was the cannibal in the coma patient wing?

Hes a vegetarian

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why don’t vegans/vegetarians moan during sex?

They don’t wanna show that they’re loving the meat inside them

Son: "Dad, what's the difference between a vegan and a vegetarian?"

Dad: "Usually a man bun."

Statistics show that vegetarians live on average ten years longer than meat eaters

Ten long miserable years

If two vegetarians get into a fight, would it still be called a beef?

Not sure, depends on what's at steak.

What does a vegetarian say when their tyre goes flat?

I should've brought asparagus...

Where did the vegetarian cannibal get caught eating his last victim?

The long term care ward

I ordered a sandwich at my local foodcourt today and I ran into my favorite celebrity. Turns out they were vegetarian because they looked at me and scoffed. I guess what they say is true...

Never meat your heros.

What did the epileptic vegetarian often have for dinner?

Seizure salad...

What’s the difference between a vegan and a vegetarian?

Ah, never mind. The punchline is cheesy.

PSA: Vegans and Vegetarians should stop eating brown sugar immediately!

It's made out of mole asses

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