This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club

But I'd never met herbivore

Why are asteroids vegetarians?

Because they aren't meteors.

What do you call a vegetarian trans-man

A herbefore

What’s a vegetarian bbq party like?

They just smoke weed.

What's the name of Bruce Lee's vegetarian cousin?


What does a vegetarian vampire eat?


Did you hear about the vegetarian who didn't want kids?

He got the parsnip.

What’s the hardest part about being a vegetarian?

Keeping it to yourself.

What do you get charged with if you kill a vegetarian?


What’s the name of Bruce Lee’s vegetarian brother?

Broco Lee

I was on a vegetarian diet then I switched to vegan.

The lack of protein in their diets make them a lot easier to catch

What do you call a rich vegetarian?

A melon baller.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Hey Vegetarians

My food poops on yours.

How do you know if a person is a vegetarian?

Don’t worry, they’ll tell you.

I don't think I could be vegetarian.

It would be a big missed steak.

What do you call a vegetarian with diarrhea?

A salad shooter

A women stopped me in the coffee shop the other day claiming she met me through a vegetarian-only dating website...

but I had never met herbivore.

"No, thanks. I'm a vegetarian."

is a fun thing to say when someone hands you their baby.

Science: cowfarts cause climate change. Vegetarians: I'll have what the cows are eating.

Science: cowfarts cause climate change.

Vegetarians: I'll have what the cows are eating.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why don't vegetarians moan during sex?

Because they don't like to admit that a piece of meat can give them so much pleasure.

How many vegetarians does it take to eat a cheeseburger?

One if nobody's looking.

Someone asked me whether my children are going to be vegetarian

I said they would probably be made of meat like everyone elses

A strict vegetarian crashes his plane in the middle of the country and has to find his way to civilization.

A strict vegetarian crashes his plane in the middle of the country and has to find his way to civilization. Due to a tragic experience as a child, he refuses to eat meat; he says the idea of eating what was once a living animal disgusts him and he could never enjoy eating meat. According to his ma...

My friend really changed when she became vegetarian...

It was like I’d never seen herbivore.

Regular zombies say "braaaaaiiiins". What do vegetarian zombies say?


This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why should you never have sex with a female vegetarian

She might give you her peas

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My vegetarian friend

My vegetarian friend believes that animals don't deserve to just die for our food, and she always lectures everybody about it. One day, I caught her having a Carribean takeaway, which was clearly chicken, so I did what she would've done and started going on about how that chicken didn't deserve to d...

A vegetarian lady looked at my mutton curry and said, "You know, a sheep died so you could have that."

I looked at her salad and responded, "Maybe she died because you keep eating all her food!!"

What do vegetarians say at a rave?

Lettuce Turnip the Beet

A vegetarian, an atheist, and a cross fitter walk into a bar.

How do you know?

They’ve already told you

Doctor to vegetarian : Where do u feel the pain ?

Vegetarian : from my head tomato

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach

unless he’s a vegetarian.

Then you can get there through his vagina.

How did the vegetarian quit smoking?

He went cold tofu.

What does a vegetarian say when their tyre goes flat?

I should've brought asparagus...

A vegetarian meets a bear in the woods. The vegetarian says to the bear: Listen bear, this ain't gonna work, I'm a vegetarian.

The bear thinks for himself: Guess that makes me a humanitarian.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why don’t vegans/vegetarians moan during sex?

They don’t wanna show that they’re loving the meat inside them

How did the vegetarian redditor cook her meat?

She didn't, because she likes it r/aww.

Statistics show that vegetarians live on average ten years longer than meat eaters

Ten long miserable years

What do vegetarian zombies eat?


Stolen from /u/tinyahjumma comment on r/askreddit

I had to quit my vegetarian diet

Turns out they're a lot harder to catch than cows.

Why are vegetarians never involved in Any drama?

They can’t stand beef

I met this vegetarian and she looks very familiar

Seems like I met herbivore

Where did the vegetarian cannibal get caught eating his last victim?

The long term care ward

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why did the vegetarian hate giving blow jobs?

She was a lesbian.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

If a vegetarian often eats vegetables, then

a humanitarian? Oh crap!

Son: "Dad, what's the difference between a vegan and a vegetarian?"

Dad: "Usually a man bun."

What did the epileptic vegetarian often have for dinner?

Seizure salad...

If two vegetarians get into a fight, would it still be called a beef?

Not sure, depends on what's at steak.

What does a vegetarian science teacher study?

Cole's Law.

What’s the difference between a vegan and a vegetarian?

Ah, never mind. The punchline is cheesy.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My vegetarian friend came out of the closet yesterday

He said he is a hommusexual

PSA: Vegans and Vegetarians should stop eating brown sugar immediately!

It's made out of mole asses

What do you call a vegetarian that occasionally eats meat?

A liar

Why do vegetarians give such good head?

Because they are used to eating nuts.

The statement "You are what you eat" isn't really true.

If you eat a vegetarian, you probably aren't a vegetarian.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

"The elephant is vegetarian" I smugly declared as I put on my scientist's hat.

"Oh, and how would you know that?" retorted my wife, as she often does when I make such sweeping assertions.

"Well," I said, "I have examined elephant turd carefully and I have found it to be quite vegetarian."

"In fact," I unwisely continued, "If you were to pick up an elephant t...

My friend asked me if I'd go on a date with his vegetarian friend.

"I dunno", I replied "never met herbivore"


I went to a vegetarian restaurant and the waiter asked, "How was your meal, sir?"

"It was very nice. My compliments to the gardener."

I bought my girlfriend a cheap and easy vegetarian cookbook....

Because not only is she a vegetarian....

My friend became vegetarian right after he placed his order at a restaurant...

It was a huge missed steak.

When 2 vegetarians have an argument...

Is it considered *beef*, or is it considered *Quorn*?

Vegetarians don’t care about animals

They eat all of their food.

What did the homicidal vegetarian say?

I would kale for some salad.

How do you kill a vegetarian vampire?

A steak through the heart

What's it called when a vegetarian starts eating meat again?

Losing your veginity.

Why do vegetarians go to the library?

To get some peas and quiet.

My vegetarian girlfriend started a diet where she has cut out gluten, dairy, and preservatives.

It’s not all that bad though, because recently she’s been eating more nuts.

I have been texting this girl and she just dropped the news that shes a vegetarian.

Bummer. I didn't even get to meat her.

What's the difference between a lion and a vegetarian?

A lion only eats meat and can't talk and a vegetarian only eats plants and won't shut up about it.

Why don’t vegetarians hold grudges?

Because they never have beef with anyone!

Why did the vegetarian hot dog cross the road?

To prove he wasn't chicken!

I saw two vegetarians arguing

I guess they were beefing.

TIFU by accidentally giving my vegetarian girlfriend my Italian Sandwich from quizno's instead of her Veggie Delight Sandwich.

Oops wrong sub.

I'm a second-hand vegetarian

Cows eat the veggies. I eat the cows.

What's the hardest part of going vegetarian?

Giving up cold turkey

What kind of joke do you tell to a vegetarian?

One they've never herbivore.