I’ve just discovered Bruce Lee had a vegetarian brother…

Broco Lee

Did you know “Vegetarian” is a Native American word?

It means “Lousy Hunter”


I am Native American and this joke has been told to me a couple of times. Thought I’d share.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why don't vegetarians moan during sex

They don't want to admit a piece of meat can make them happy

To what would you change the name of a kid named Hunter if he becomes a vegetarian?

….Gatherer

I love my vegetarian-only diet.

Lambs, Cows, Deers, Rabbits. They're all vegetarians and they're delicious!!

I had to give up my vegetarian diet.

Turns out they’re a lot harder to catch than cows.

Why did the astronaut throw away his vegetarian burger?

He wanted something *meteor*.

What does a vegetarian zombie say?

"Graaaains"

Why can't vegetarians eat pudding?

You can't have any pudding if you don't eat your meat

How to kill vegetarian vampire?

Just with a steak to the heart.

My friend really changed after she became a vegetarian

It's almost like I have never seen herbivore

I make vegetarian thanksgivings dinners

They're called chive turkeys

What kind of meat does A vegetarian priest eat?

Nun.

I got the Grindr app mixed up with the Pizza Hut app

Either way, there’s a 10” vegetarian on the way and I’m not sure what to expect.

I tried to open a restaurant that offers faster seating to vegetarians...

But this created too many upset steakholders

My non-vegetarian friend told me to eat chicken, it's very healthy.

I said no, it WAS healthy but you ate it.

I met this girl Mary on tinder and took her to an all you can eat buffet I knew it wasn't going to work out when she told me she was a vegetarian so I decided to go down with guns blazing.

She came back with her salad to find me with my plate loaded up with every type of meat I could get my hands on.

I was shocked, though pleasantly surprised, when she asked for a bite of my kabab.

Mary had a little lamb.

Why did the vegetarian turn down the job at the green grocers?

The celery was unacceptable!

A Young Vulture is sick of eating dead things and wants to be a vegetarian...

So he asks his parents whether they can start incorporating some vegetables into their meals.

His father is ashamed of him and says 'No'.

So the young vulture asks if he could bring a carrot to dinner and his mother and father tell him that he is a disgrace to the family and to put the...

This girl told me today that she recognised me from Vegetarian Club.

I was confused, I’d never met herbivore.

I fell in love with a dyslexic vegetarian

It's going great but she refuses to meat me

Permits required A woman from Sydney who was a tree hugging, vegetarian and anti-hunter purchased a piece of native bush land in northern N.S.W.

There was a large gum tree on one of the highest points in her property.

She wanted a good view of the natural splendour of her land, so she started to climb the big gum.

As she neared the top, she encountered a koala that attacked her. In her haste to escape, the woman slid down the t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did a vegetarian do to fuck up?

They made a misteak

My friend told me he was going to become a vegetarian

I told him that would be a big missed steak

I'm taking baby steps towards being a vegetarian

But only when I'm not eating

What's the difference between a Vegan and a Vegetarian?

One of them won't swallow.

What was the turkey thankful for on Thanksgiving?

vegetarians!

I like making jokes about vegetarians...

but never about tofu, that's just tasteless.

The vegetarian did not like the new strawberry jelly...

It just wasn’t his jam

I don’t understand why people don’t seem to get along with vegetarians.

I have never had a beef with one.

Q: What did the Vegetarian Preacher say to his church?

A: Lettuce pray!

Do vegetarians have meetings?

No, they have vegetablings.

Why did the Turkey cross the road?

To get to the other side dishes.

Because he's a vegetarian, see?

Why do vegetarians give good head?

Because they are used to eating nuts

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Anyone hear about the transsexual lion that became a vegetarian?

He was a her before.

"No thanks. I am a vegetarian."

is a fun thing to say when someone hands you a baby.

What did Darth Vader say when he went to a vegetarian restaurant?

"I find your lack of steak disturbing."

What do we know about Gandhi?

Well, he walked barefoot and was a vegetarian.. he ate very little and practiced yoga, and was a minimalist who likely didn't brush his teeth either, giving him bad breath.

He was a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

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My vegetarianism is the same as my heterosexuality

I'll stick by it until I'm shown a good enough sausage

My vegetarian wife wanted the egg smell gone from the pan in which I cooked scrambled egg

So i cooked beef in it.

If I had to choose, I think I'd rather be a Vegetarian Vampire.

Beets the alternative.

Do you know how to make a good vegetarian chili?

Stick her in the freezer.

What did the vegetarian body builder say after he found out he was gluten intolerant?

There ain't no whey!

A man walks into his favorite restaurant…

He sits down and orders a medium rare ribeye steak. As he’s eating, he looks up and sees a woman giving him a dirty look. The man assumes the woman is a vegetarian since she is only eating a large bowl of salad and greens.
The man tries to ignore her but after a few uncomfortable minutes he puts...

Lets face it English is a stupid language There is no egg in the eggplant No ham in the hamburger And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple. English muffins were not invented in England

French Fries Were Not Invented In France.

We Sometimes Take English For Granted

But If We Examine Its Paradoxes We Find That:

Quicksand Takes You Down Slowly

Boxing Rings Are Square

And A Guinea Pig Is Neither From Guinea Nor Is It A Pig.

If Writers Write, H...

What do Native Americans call vegetarians?

One who is bad at hunting

Being a vegetarian is easy, I eat oatmeal for breakfast

and the rest of the day I survive off my feelings of superiority

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My vegetarian friend

My vegetarian friend believes that animals don't deserve to just die for our food, and she always lectures everybody about it. One day, I caught her having a Carribean takeaway, which was clearly chicken, so I did what she would've done and started going on about how that chicken didn't deserve to d...

I recently started an all vegetarian diet

The hardest part is catching them.

What do you call an epileptic vegetarian?

Seizure salad

I have nothing against vegetarianism

my best friend is a vegetable

What do you call a vegetarian zombie?

A liar.



(as told to me by my 11 y.o.)

What's the name of Bruce Lee's vegetarian cousin?

BrocoLee

Do vegetarians prefer moons or asteroids?

Moons, because asteroids are are a little meteor.

(Made up for my kids today)
#dadjoke #sorry

How many vegetarians does it take to eat a bacon cheeseburger?

One, if no one's looking.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When I'm cooking, I always make sure to have vegetarian options...

They can make do or they can fuck off.

Being a vegetarian in Germany is so difficult.

It’s the wurst.

How do you punish a vegetarian in the olden days?

You burn them at the steak

Do you know what the hardest part of becoming a vegetarian is?

To quit cold turkey.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If a meat eater likes being choked during sex...then what would a vegetarian like?

Artichoked

I tried to be vegetarian

But eating meat is so good, that even some plants do

How did the vegetarian get so fat when he only ate vegetables?

He worked at a hospital.

What is Middle-Eastern, vegetarian and turns lead into gold?

The falafel-er's stone

What do vegetarians say when they get a flat tire?

Should've bought asparagus.

My grammar has suffered since I became a vegetarian

I mistakes.

A strict vegetarian crashes his plane in the middle of the country and has to find his way to civilization.

A strict vegetarian crashes his plane in the middle of the country and has to find his way to civilization. Due to a tragic experience as a child, he refuses to eat meat; he says the idea of eating what was once a living animal disgusts him and he could never enjoy eating meat. According to his ma...

If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

Humanitarians.

What did the impatient vegetarian say to the waiter?

Get me a soup! And make it snap pea!

If meat-eaters are Alpha, what are Vegetarians?

Alfalfa.

A vegetarian lady looked at my mutton curry and said, "You know, a sheep died so you could have that."

I looked at her salad and responded, "Maybe she died because you keep eating all her food!!"

Regular zombies say "braaaaaiiiins". What do vegetarian zombies say?

"Graaaiiiins"

What does the vegetarian cannibal eat?

Disabled people.

How do you know if a person is a vegetarian?

Don’t worry, they’ll tell you.

If two vegetarians get into a fight, would it still be called a beef?

Not sure, depends on what's at steak.

Did you hear about the hungry vegetarian?

He lost his tempeh

I went to this vegetarian BBQ party.

They smoked weed.

What do you call a rich vegetarian?

A melon baller.

A man goes to a vegetarian bar

and realizes that it is a miss'd-steak

What's the difference between a meat lover's group and a vegetarian group?

The vegetarians just meatless

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