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Vegetarian Jokes

Did you know “Vegetarian” is a Native American word?

It means “Lousy Hunter”


I am Native American and this joke has been told to me a couple of times. Thought I’d share.

"No thanks. I am a vegetarian."

is a fun thing to say when someone hands you a baby.

Today, I met Bruce Lee's vegetarian brother, Broco Lee.

I met a few of his cousins too;

The one who can't take a joke, Serious Lee.

The one is always there last minute, Sudden Lee.

The one who doesn't understand Metaphors, Literal Lee.

The one who is always throwing shade, Sarcastic Lee.

The one who is so sure of himsel...

If God wanted us to be vegetarians…

Why did he make the animals out of meat?

What does a vegetarian zombie eat?

Graaaaains

My friend really changed when she became a vegetarian...

it's like I've never seen herbivore.

People that don't eat meat are called vegetarians, but what are people that don't eat vegetables?

constipated

What did the religious vegetarian say?

Lettuce pray.

Why did Han Solo become a vegetarian?

Because the last steak he ate was really Chewy.

I had to quit my vegetarian diet

Turns out they're a lot harder to catch than cows.

What do you call a vegetarian with diarrhea?

A Salad Shooter™

I started a new vegetarian diet last week

I hope I find another vegetarian soon.

I haven't eaten in 3 days

I got the Grindr app mixed up with the Pizza Hut app

Either way, there’s a 10” vegetarian on the way and I’m not sure what to expect.

I love my vegetarian-only diet.

Lambs, Cows, Deers, Rabbits. They're all vegetarians and they're delicious!!

Today i have met the vegetarian brother of Bruce Lee

Brocco Lee

This girl said she knew me from the vegetarian restaurant...

But I've never met herbivore!

What do you call a disagreement between a vegan and a vegetarian?

Beef.

I once thought about becoming a vegetarian

But I then realised how stupid of me as that would be a missed steak

What's the difference between a lion and a vegetarian?

A lion only eats meat and can't talk and a vegetarian only eats plants and won't shut up about it.

Why did Dracula become a vegetarian?

Because his doctor said stakes were bad for his heart.

source: My 7 year-old.

I like making jokes about vegetarians...

but never about tofu, that's just tasteless.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why don't vegetarians moan during sex?

Because they don't want to admit that a piece of meat makes them happy.

How many vegetarians does it take to eat a bacon cheeseburger?

One, if no one's looking.

I had a vegetarian girlfriend who was into BDSM.

She did not carrot all if I beet her.

To what would you change the name of a kid named Hunter if he becomes a vegetarian?

….Gatherer

Who knew Peter Frampton was such a committed vegetarian?

Always singing "I want you to show me the whey."

A Young Vulture is sick of eating dead things and wants to be a vegetarian...

So he asks his parents whether they can start incorporating some vegetables into their meals.

His father is ashamed of him and says 'No'.

So the young vulture asks if he could bring a carrot to dinner and his mother and father tell him that he is a disgrace to the family and to put the...

I became a vegetarian 4 months ago..

.. I guess you can say that I quit cold turkey

What do you call a morbidly obese vegetarian?

Megafauna.

If we were meant to be vegetarians

then why do cats taste like chicken?

How to kill vegetarian vampire?

Just with a steak to the heart.

Pessimists are like German vegetarians.

They fear the wurst.

What do vegetarians say when they meet someone new?

Nice to vegetable you

Vegetarianism changes everything

A vegetarian walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Since I became a vegetarian it has really changed everything in my life, Even my music choices." the guy tells the bartender. "I've found Robert Plant to be a great alternative to Meatloaf."

What do vegetarian dingoes eat

Cabbage patch kids

I make vegetarian thanksgivings dinners

They're called chive turkeys

Why did the astronaut throw away his vegetarian burger?

He wanted something *meteor*.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My vegetarian friend

My vegetarian friend believes that animals don't deserve to just die for our food, and she always lectures everybody about it. One day, I caught her having a Carribean takeaway, which was clearly chicken, so I did what she would've done and started going on about how that chicken didn't deserve to d...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Anyone hear about the transsexual lion that became a vegetarian?

He was a her before.

I'm a new person. I've changed my name and became a vegetarian .

I'm still getting used to it, I wasn't a herb before.

What do you call a cannibal who only eats coma patients?

A vegetarian.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach

unless he’s a vegetarian.

Then you can get there through his vagina.

If two vegetarians are having an argument,

is it really considered beef?

Wrote my second joke ever, would like some feedback

Three lumberjacks; Sam, Dave, and Ben; are felling trees when a bear approaches them. Sam says "stay back or we'll kill you with our axes!" The bear responds, "woah! I'm a proud vegetarian. I just wanted to offer you all a nicely cooked dinner since you've all been working so hard and are probably h...

A vegetarian meets a bear in the woods. The vegetarian says to the bear: Listen bear, this ain't gonna work, I'm a vegetarian.

The bear thinks for himself: Guess that makes me a humanitarian.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did a vegetarian do to fuck up?

They made a misteak

Why do vegetarians look for dates at the hospital?

Because they are into vegetables.

I fell in love with a dyslexic vegetarian

It's going great but she refuses to meat me

I'm taking baby steps towards being a vegetarian

But only when I'm not eating

My new vegetarian girlfriend cooked me a meal.....

My new vegetarian girlfriend cooked me one of her favourite dishes last night.

"What are these little round things", I asked.

"Have you never seen a chick-pea before?", she said.

"Of course I have, my last girlfriend was up for anything, but that doesn't answer my question".

What do Native Americans call vegetarians?

One who is bad at hunting

The vegetarian did not like the new strawberry jelly...

It just wasn’t his jam

What's the name of Bruce Lee's vegetarian cousin?

BrocoLee

My non-vegetarian friend told me to eat chicken, it's very healthy.

I said no, it WAS healthy but you ate it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hey Vegetarians

My food poops on yours.

I tried to open a restaurant that offers faster seating to vegetarians...

But this created too many upset steakholders

I recently started an all vegetarian diet

The hardest part is catching them.

What did the vegetarian say when they were stranded with a flat tire?

Should have brought asparagus.

My friend told me he was going to become a vegetarian

I told him that would be a big missed steak

Why did the vegetarian turn down the job at the green grocers?

The celery was unacceptable!

Do vegetarians prefer moons or asteroids?

Moons, because asteroids are are a little meteor.

(Made up for my kids today)
#dadjoke #sorry

Why do vegetarians give good head?

Because they are used to eating nuts

I tried to be vegetarian

But eating meat is so good, that even some plants do

I have nothing against vegetarianism

my best friend is a vegetable

What do you call a vegetarian zombie?

A liar.



(as told to me by my 11 y.o.)

I'm a vegetarian

I just don't practice.

Being a vegetarian in Germany is so difficult.

It’s the wurst.

Do you know how to make a good vegetarian chili?

Stick her in the freezer.

If two vegetarians get into a fight, would it still be called a beef?

Not sure, depends on what's at steak.

What do vegetarian zombies eat?

Graaaaains!

Stolen from /u/tinyahjumma comment on r/askreddit

I was out on a first date and the lady asked me if I was more of a cat person or a dog person.

I said "I'm a vegetarian."

[NSFW] Why do vegetarians have in common with straight men?

They prefer their buns with no wiener.

Why are asteroids vegetarians?

Because they aren't meteors.

I went to this vegetarian BBQ party.

They smoked weed.

Did you hear about the hungry vegetarian?

He lost his tempeh

A man goes to a vegetarian bar

and realizes that it is a miss'd-steak

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