“No thank you I’m vegetarian”

Is a fun thing to say when someone tries to hand you their baby.

My best friend really changed when she became a vegetarian ...

It's like I've never seen herbivore.

Did you know “Vegetarian” is a Native American word?

It means “Lousy Hunter”


I am Native American and this joke has been told to me a couple of times. Thought I’d share.

Due to health concerns, my doctor recommend I go on a strict vegetarian diet, and practice portion control.

I am happy to announce that I am down to one vegetarian a day, as they are surprisingly filling.

Permits required A woman from Sydney who was a tree hugging, vegetarian and anti-hunter purchased a piece of native bush land in northern N.S.W.

There was a large gum tree on one of the highest points in her property.

She wanted a good view of the natural splendour of her land, so she started to climb the big gum.

As she neared the top, she encountered a koala that attacked her. In her haste to escape, the woman slid down the t...

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Why don't vegetarians moan during sex?

Because they don't want to admit that a piece of meat makes them happy.

My non-vegetarian friend told me to eat chicken, it's very healthy.

I said no, it WAS healthy but you ate it.

I fell in love with a dyslexic vegetarian

It's going great but she refuses to meat me

A vegetarian asks for a pizza

"What toppings would you like?"


"olive em"

My friend told me he was going to become a vegetarian

I told him that would be a big missed steak

I'm taking baby steps towards being a vegetarian

But only when I'm not eating

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What did a vegetarian do to fuck up?

They made a misteak

What do vegetarian zombies eat?

Graaaaaaiiiiiiiiiinnnnnssssss.

The vegetarian did not like the new strawberry jelly...

It just wasn’t his jam

What's the difference between a Vegan and a Vegetarian?

One of them won't swallow.

This girl told me today that she recognised me from Vegetarian Club.

I was confused, I’d never met herbivore.

Why do vegetarians give good head?

Because they are used to eating nuts

A Young Vulture is sick of eating dead things and wants to be a vegetarian...

So he asks his parents whether they can start incorporating some vegetables into their meals.

His father is ashamed of him and says 'No'.

So the young vulture asks if he could bring a carrot to dinner and his mother and father tell him that he is a disgrace to the family and to put the...

I don’t understand why people don’t seem to get along with vegetarians.

I have never had a beef with one.

Lets face it English is a stupid language There is no egg in the eggplant No ham in the hamburger And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple. English muffins were not invented in England

French Fries Were Not Invented In France.

We Sometimes Take English For Granted

But If We Examine Its Paradoxes We Find That:

Quicksand Takes You Down Slowly

Boxing Rings Are Square

And A Guinea Pig Is Neither From Guinea Nor Is It A Pig.

If Writers Write, H...

Q: What did the Vegetarian Preacher say to his church?

A: Lettuce pray!

What did Darth Vader say when he went to a vegetarian restaurant?

"I find your lack of steak disturbing."

My vegetarian wife wanted the egg smell gone from the pan in which I cooked scrambled egg

So i cooked beef in it.

If I had to choose, I think I'd rather be a Vegetarian Vampire.

Beets the alternative.

What did the vegetarian body builder say after he found out he was gluten intolerant?

There ain't no whey!

Being a vegetarian is easy, I eat oatmeal for breakfast

and the rest of the day I survive off my feelings of superiority

I like making jokes about vegetarians...

but never about tofu, that's just tasteless.

I recently started an all vegetarian diet

The hardest part is catching them.

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Anyone hear about the transsexual lion that became a vegetarian?

He was a her before.

Do you know how to make a good vegetarian chili?

Stick her in the freezer.

What do you call a vegetarian zombie?

A liar.



(as told to me by my 11 y.o.)

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My vegetarianism is the same as my heterosexuality

I'll stick by it until I'm shown a good enough sausage

What do Native Americans call vegetarians?

One who is bad at hunting

What do you call an epileptic vegetarian?

Seizure salad

How did the vegetarian get so fat when he only ate vegetables?

He worked at a hospital.

I tried to be vegetarian

But eating meat is so good, that even some plants do

I have nothing against vegetarianism

my best friend is a vegetable

What is Middle-Eastern, vegetarian and turns lead into gold?

The falafel-er's stone

Today i have met the vegetarian brother of Bruce Lee

Brocco Lee

I was griling a steak earlier and the smell of the juices made my mouth water.... Got me thinking....

Do vegetarians have the same effect when mowing a lawn ?

What's the name of Bruce Lee's vegetarian cousin?

BrocoLee

Do vegetarians prefer moons or asteroids?

Moons, because asteroids are are a little meteor.

(Made up for my kids today)
#dadjoke #sorry

How do you punish a vegetarian in the olden days?

You burn them at the steak

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When I'm cooking, I always make sure to have vegetarian options...

They can make do or they can fuck off.

Being a vegetarian in Germany is so difficult.

It’s the wurst.

Today I learned vegetarians can't eat pudding.

How can you have any pudding if you don't eat your meat?

I had to quit my vegetarian diet

Turns out they're a lot harder to catch than cows.

My grammar has suffered since I became a vegetarian

I mistakes.

Do you know what the hardest part of becoming a vegetarian is?

To quit cold turkey.

A man goes to a vegetarian bar

and realizes that it is a miss'd-steak

What does the vegetarian cannibal eat?

Disabled people.

What do vegetarians say when they get a flat tire?

Should've bought asparagus.

What did the impatient vegetarian say to the waiter?

Get me a soup! And make it snap pea!

If meat-eaters are Alpha, what are Vegetarians?

Alfalfa.

What's the difference between a meat lover's group and a vegetarian group?

The vegetarians just meatless

How many vegetarians does it take to eat a bacon cheeseburger?

One, if no one's looking.

Did you hear about the hungry vegetarian?

He lost his tempeh

A strict vegetarian crashes his plane in the middle of the country and has to find his way to civilization.

A strict vegetarian crashes his plane in the middle of the country and has to find his way to civilization. Due to a tragic experience as a child, he refuses to eat meat; he says the idea of eating what was once a living animal disgusts him and he could never enjoy eating meat. According to his ma...

People say meat is dirty but...

plants live their entire lives in dirt. They consume dirt. Vegetarians are dirty.

I went to this vegetarian BBQ party.

They smoked weed.

I'm a vegetarian

I just don't practice.

If two vegetarians get into a fight, would it still be called a beef?

Not sure, depends on what's at steak.

What do you call a rich vegetarian?

A melon baller.

A vegetarian lady looked at my mutton curry and said, "You know, a sheep died so you could have that."

I looked at her salad and responded, "Maybe she died because you keep eating all her food!!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My vegetarian friend

My vegetarian friend believes that animals don't deserve to just die for our food, and she always lectures everybody about it. One day, I caught her having a Carribean takeaway, which was clearly chicken, so I did what she would've done and started going on about how that chicken didn't deserve to d...

Regular zombies say "braaaaaiiiins". What do vegetarian zombies say?

"Graaaiiiins"

How do you know if a person is a vegetarian?

Don’t worry, they’ll tell you.

Why are asteroids vegetarians?

Because they aren't meteors.

How did the vegetarian redditor cook her meat?

She didn't, because she likes it r/aww.

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