Did you know “Vegetarian” is a Native American word?

It means “Lousy Hunter”

I am Native American and this joke has been told to me a couple of times. Thought I’d share.

My vegetarian wife wanted the egg smell gone from the pan in which I cooked scrambled egg

So i cooked beef in it.

My friend has changed so much since becoming a vegetarian...

It’s like I’ve never met herbivore.

A Young Vulture is sick of eating dead things and wants to be a vegetarian...

So he asks his parents whether they can start incorporating some vegetables into their meals.

His father is ashamed of him and says 'No'.

So the young vulture asks if he could bring a carrot to dinner and his mother and father tell him that he is a disgrace to the family and to put the...

I recently started an all vegetarian diet

The hardest part is catching them.

“No thank you I’m vegetarian”

Is a fun thing to say when someone tries to hand you their baby.

What did the vegetarian body builder say after he found out he was gluten intolerant?

There ain't no whey!

If I had to choose, I think I'd rather be a Vegetarian Vampire.

Beets the alternative.

Do you know how to make a good vegetarian chili?

Stick her in the freezer.

What does a vegetarian zombie say?

Grains! Grains!

What do you call a vegetarian zombie?

A liar.

(as told to me by my 11 y.o.)

How did the vegetarian get so fat when he only ate vegetables?

He worked at a hospital.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Anyone hear about the transsexual lion that became a vegetarian?

He was a her before.

I don’t understand why people don’t seem to get along with vegetarians.

I have never had a beef with one.

I have nothing against vegetarianism

my best friend is a vegetable

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My vegetarianism is the same as my heterosexuality

I'll stick by it until I'm shown a good enough sausage

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why don’t vegetarians moan during sex?

They don’t want to admit that a piece a meat makes them happy

Being a vegetarian is easy, I eat oatmeal for breakfast

and the rest of the day I survive off my feelings of superiority

I went to a vegetarian restaurant and the waiter asked, "How was your meal, sir?"

"It was very nice. My compliments to the gardener."

What do you call an epileptic vegetarian?

Seizure salad

I tried to be vegetarian

But eating meat is so good, that even some plants do

A man goes to a vegetarian bar

and realizes that it is a miss'd-steak

What is Middle-Eastern, vegetarian and turns lead into gold?

The falafel-er's stone

How do you punish a vegetarian in the olden days?

You burn them at the steak

I was griling a steak earlier and the smell of the juices made my mouth water....

Got me thinking....Do vegetarians have the same effect when mowing a lawn ?

What do Native Americans call vegetarians?

One who is bad at hunting

I like making jokes about vegetarians...

but never about tofu, that's just tasteless.

Do vegetarians prefer moons or asteroids?

Moons, because asteroids are are a little meteor.

(Made up for my kids today)
#dadjoke #sorry

What does the vegetarian cannibal eat?

Disabled people.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When I'm cooking, I always make sure to have vegetarian options...

They can make do or they can fuck off.

Why do vegetarians give good head?

Because they’re used to eating nuts.

Being a vegetarian in Germany is so difficult.

It’s the wurst.

Today I learned vegetarians can't eat pudding.

How can you have any pudding if you don't eat your meat?

For some, becoming a vegetarian...

is a huge missed steak.

My grammar has suffered since I became a vegetarian

I mistakes.

A girl came up to me and said she recognized me from her vegetarian restaurant

I was a bit confused

I never met herbivore

I met Bruce Lee’s vegetarian brother today

His name is Brocko Lee

What do vegetarians say when they get a flat tire?

Should've bought asparagus.

During a zombie apocalypse

Normal Zombies: BRAAINNNNSSS!!
Vegetarian Zombies: GRAAINNNNSSS!!
Body Builder Zombies: GAAINNNNSSS!!
Plumber Zombies: DRAAINNNNSSS!!
Conductor Zombies: TRAAINNNNSSS!!
Weatherman Zombies: RAAINNNNSSS!!
Gamer Zombies: GAMMMMESSS!!
Depressed Zombies: PAINNNNSSS!! ...

What did the impatient vegetarian say to the waiter?

Get me a soup! And make it snap pea!

I want to know, if vegetables are so good,

why are vegetarians always trying to make them taste like meat?

What's the name of Bruce Lee's vegetarian cousin?


Did you hear about the hungry vegetarian?

He lost his tempeh

Do you know what the hardest part of becoming a vegetarian is?

To quit cold turkey.

My friend really changed when she became a vegetarian...

it's like I've never seen herbivore.

If meat-eaters are Alpha, what are Vegetarians?


What's the difference between a meat lover's group and a vegetarian group?

The vegetarians just meatless

I had to quit my vegetarian diet

Turns out they're a lot harder to catch than cows.

What did the vegetarian do at the club

Dropped a beet

I'm a vegetarian

I just don't practice.

I went to this vegetarian BBQ party.

They smoked weed.

A strict vegetarian crashes his plane in the middle of the country and has to find his way to civilization.

A strict vegetarian crashes his plane in the middle of the country and has to find his way to civilization. Due to a tragic experience as a child, he refuses to eat meat; he says the idea of eating what was once a living animal disgusts him and he could never enjoy eating meat. According to his ma...

Why are asteroids vegetarians?

Because they aren't meteors.

What do you call a rich vegetarian?

A melon baller.

Regular zombies say "braaaaaiiiins". What do vegetarian zombies say?


I was invited to a dinner the other night.

The host warned me ahead of time, "Just so you know, we only serve vegetarian dishes. I hope you're alright with that."

I told him, "Of course! I have no problem with vegetarian dishes. In fact, I prefer them. But for the sake of conscience I do prefer it if the vegetarians were free rang...

How many vegetarians does it take to eat a bacon cheeseburger?

One, if no one's looking.

What do vegetarians say at a rave?

Lettuce Turnip the Beet

A vegetarian lady looked at my mutton curry and said, "You know, a sheep died so you could have that."

I looked at her salad and responded, "Maybe she died because you keep eating all her food!!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My vegetarian friend

My vegetarian friend believes that animals don't deserve to just die for our food, and she always lectures everybody about it. One day, I caught her having a Carribean takeaway, which was clearly chicken, so I did what she would've done and started going on about how that chicken didn't deserve to d...

What do you get charged with if you kill a vegetarian?


I got caught up in a religious protest for vegetarianism before. It was weird enough to start with but it got surreal when I saw a nun throw a huge fish into the village pond and then a monk trying to get it out again only to end up netting a large slab of beef instead.

Still not sure what was weirder- seeing the nun chuck fish or the monk fish chuck.

A vegetarian, an atheist, and a cross fitter walk into a bar.

How do you know?

They’ve already told you

How do you know if a person is a vegetarian?

Don’t worry, they’ll tell you.

Dating a vegetarian girl is hard.

I gave her flowers, she ate them.

If two vegetarians get into a fight, would it still be called a beef?

Not sure, depends on what's at steak.

A women stopped me in the coffee shop the other day claiming she met me through a vegetarian-only dating website...

but I had never met herbivore.

How did the vegetarian redditor cook her meat?

She didn't, because she likes it r/aww.

Someone asked me whether my children are going to be vegetarian

I said they would probably be made of meat like everyone elses

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hey Vegetarians

My food poops on yours.

Did you hear about the vegetarian who didn't want kids?

He got the parsnip.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why should you never have sex with a female vegetarian

She might give you her peas

Why are vegetarians never involved in Any drama?

They can’t stand beef

What do vegetarian zombies eat?


Stolen from /u/tinyahjumma comment on r/askreddit

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