A lawyer undergoes surgery

While undergoing surgery, a lawyer has a vision of God by his bedside.

"Am I going to die?" Asked the Lawyer.

"No my son," replied God, "You have another 30 years to live."

Unfortunately the surgery was unsuccessful, and the lawyer died shortly after the procedure.

The ...

A very agitated man undergoes a specialist visit.

At the end of the visit he asks the doctor: "So, doctor, is it serious?"

"Just take these pills for the rest of your life and you should be fine."

"Ah, thank you very much. I am heartened... I thought worse!"

"The box comes with 6 pills, it should be enough."

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

A man undergoes a new procedure and has penis replaced

With an elephant trunk. He hasn't told his girlfriend because he wants to surprise her on their wedding night. He is having dinner at the future in-laws house and they are having steak and baked potato. They pass the plate of potatoes to him and out of nowhere something darts out from between his ...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

Boy Born Without Eyelids Undergoes Graft Surgery Using His Own Foreskin

Doctors say, "He's fine now, just a little cock-eyed."

A lawyer undergoes heart surgury, and is in bed in the recovery area

As he wakes up, he notices the room is dark, and a doctor is standing there. He asks the doctor, "Why did you close all the window shades?"

The doctor says, "There was a large fire across the street, and we didn't want you to think you didn't survive the operation."

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

Oxford University researchers have discovered the densest element yet known to science.

The new element, Governmentium (symbol=Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like partic...

A sodium atom undergoes a vigorous reaction with flourine...

How do you feel?" Asks the fluoride ion.

"Positively shell shocked" the sodium ion replied.

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

A joke my dad told me

So one day a man gets into a bad car crash and wakes up a week later in the hospital. The doctor says โ€œI have some good news and some bad news, bad news is you lost your penis in the crash, the good news is there is an African doctor who can replace it with an elephant trunk, and seeing your situati...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

Mary has a problem so heads to the doctor

"Doctor, I have an embarrassing problem with my vagina. The lips are huge and stick out and it makes me really self conscious. I don't even like my husband seeing me like this so we never have sex" she tells him.

"Ok" says the doctor "Lets have a look and see whats what."

Mary gets un...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

A man with a stutter goes to the doctor

A man goes to the doctor to consult regarding his stutter.

 
**Man:** "D-d-d-doctor, have the re-re-re-results come back yet about the source of my st-st-st-stutter?"

 
**Doctor:** "Yes, after extensive examination, I have determined that the reason for your s...

The President of Earth wants proof that he's real...

And he won't believe the scientists and the psycologists until he sees his own face. Of course they tell him "look in a mirror!" but he says "not good enough. I want more."

So many years pass, and the Pres manages to go about business like he doesn't mind, but as soon as he hears about how s...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

A woman walks into the doctor's office

She asks the doctor, "How much do you charge for a breast job?" The doctor replies, "The procedure starts at $5,000, depending on the size." She says "I can't afford that much money, are there any other options?" The doctor leans back and says "Well, yes, for $200 we can insert a balloon into each b...

Getting back on his feet

A man working in a warehouse suffers a terrible accident when a heavy crate falls on his feet crushing and severing all of his toes. At the hospital he undergoes several hours of surgery. After months of rehabilitation he is able to walk again.

He decides to visit his favorite local bar. Seei...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.