UPJOKE
cancersurgeryantibioticstherapycisplatinradiotherapycell divisionleukemias-phaseestrogenanemiacurechemomitosisnausea

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Things I hate intestinal tumors, colostomy bags, chemotherapy

Edit: quit telling me I'm missing a colon. I fucking know

What’s the priciest haircut of all time?

The chemotherapy

My girlfriend lost all her hair during chemotherapy and she was crying for hours.

I said, "Why are you so upset? It's just hair. I'm the one that's gotta find a new girlfriend."

/r/jokes, I have a belief that EVERYTHING bad or upsetting can be improved with humor. Do you have any chemotherapy jokes for me?

I am a 15yo guy, she is a 17yo girl who has a nonsmokers lung cancer. Any positive or uplifting jokes will be appreciated.

"Right, I've been thinking." I said to the oncologist. "I'm not keen on radiotherapy or chemotherapy. At this stage I think it would be best to just let the disease take its natural course."

My wife's eyes filled with tears, "We should've discussed this together."

"My minds made up." I insisted.

"I think your wife is right." Said the consultant. "After all, she is the one with cancer."

Why did Steve Jobs decline chemotherapy?

Because an apple a day keeps the doctor away.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The woman of my dreams

40 years ago, I asked the woman of my dreams out on a first date.

35 years ago, I asked her to marry me.

30 years ago, I asked if she would do me the honor of bearing our first child.

5 years ago, I asked her to hold my hand during her chemotherapy treatments.

And las...

A 7 year old kid happily asks him mum

Kid: Mummy, why am I getting my Christmas present on 18th August?

Mum: Because it's cheaper than chemotherapy, son.

Sensitive people.

I'm the tallest in my family, so my Aunt used to call me "Lurch" from The Addams Family.

Just over the past year I started calling her "Uncle Fester" and she got so mad at me.

I guess chemotherapy makes people sensitive.

I asked my wife what she wanted for her birthday...

"Something expensive, and that I don't need." she replied.

I signed her up for chemotherapy.

What do you say to a thin American?

How’s the chemotherapy going?

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