Two knights, Harold and George, had captured by trolls and taken to their underground liar.

The trolls leader told Harold and George that if the two fought each other without killing one another, they would both be let go, however, this would come at a price:

If Harold lost, he would have his hands cut off, while if George lost, he would have his feet cut off. And the winner would h...

My friend keeps saying, "cheer up, man. You could be in an underground hole full of water."

I know he means well.

Did you hear about the blacksmith who ran an underground casino?

He who smelt it dealt it.

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A story is told of a Londoner, a Jewish man who was riding on the London Underground reading an Arab newspaper.

A friend of his, who happened to be riding in the same underground car, noticed this strange phenomenon. Very upset, he approached the newspaper reader. "Moishe, have you lost your mind? Why are you reading an Arab newspaper?"

Moishe replied, "I used to read the Jewish newspaper, but what di...

I just finished my latest underground movie. It's about a young man who rides a motorcycle naked across America's roughest roads.

I call it "Uneasy Rider".

What would dwarves name a movie about an underground drinking tournament.

Need for Mead.

A mother ant and her daughter were out for a walk in their underground city.

They were having a lovely day until they came upon a group of protesters outside the queen's domain. One, with a sign reading *It's time to GO!,* spotted them and quickly approached.

"Excuse me ma'am, can you spare a moment to take a look at some alarming literature and help support our cause...

A tourist on the London Underground asked me how to get to Heathrow via Barking.

So I pointed at a map and woofed...

A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer.

She says she’s going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce.

The car is parked on the street in front of the bank; she has the title, a...

How did the hipster burn his tongue?

He ate potatoes before they were cool.

Why was he eating potatoes?

Because they’re so underground.

As I was driving underground with strangers, my wrist began to hurt

It must be carpool tunnel syndrome

Why don’t people dig holes underground anymore?

It’s boring

I recently started a recruitment agency that only deals with the underground mining industry.

It's called, Staff It Where The Sun Don't Shine.

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I regularly participate in an illegal underground dog fighting ring.

Obviously most people find this disgusting and deplorable and i get it, its not for everyone but I've never understood the hate I get when I tell people. I've only ever been beaten up by 2 dogs and Ive won 3 fights (one by technicality) and I dont think that's really too bad of a record.

What’s green, comes from Mexico and goes underground?

A guaca mole

I took the HOV lane underground, when suddenly my hands started cramping on the steering wheel.

Must be my carpool tunnel syndrome.

I discovered an underground fight club earlier.

Bloody troglodytes.

I’m deathly afraid of sharing a car with someone while driving through underground passages.

I have carpool tunnel syndrome.

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When I heard the news that 12 Thai schoolboys had been rescued from underground...

I had to run home and make sure my basement was still padlocked.

There was a family of moles underground.

They were just relaxing down there when the father mole pokes his head out the hole and says “wow, I smell sugar”. The mother mole is interested so she pokes her head out the hole and exclaims” wow I smell glucose!” Then the mother mole calls her son over and he says “ holy cow I smell fructose!” Th...

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My wife kept insisting that we try having sex underground

Eventually I caved.

A group of three successful bowlers traveled to every bowling alley in their county, talking trash at every alley and winning every game. Finally, the owner of an old ma and pa bowling alley had enough and invited them to a secret underground alley.

The old owner explained the rules to a new type of bowling.


"You place the ball at your feet, and then control the ball with your voice"


"That preposterous" said one of the bowlers.


"No, said the old owner, the acoustics in this room are so finely att...

It was a midnight journey on the Paris underground.

I stared intently at the floor thinking about the end of my trip to France. Then it started. Tick, tick, tick, bing. Slow and rhythmic but getting gradually louder. Tick tick, tick, bing.

Turning to the old woman on my left I asked her what was happening. She shrugged and tutted then looked...

Someone asked me if I had ever noticed that I had a keen sense for being able to tell where water was underground...

I replied, "I'm well aware."

I like music by underground artists

Like Amy Winehouse, Kurt Cobain, Michael Jackson, John Lennon, Bob Marley and Prince.

I went to an underground party dressed as a bird.

I was raven for hours.

3 moles are digging underground in a single-file line.

The first mole stops digging and says, “I smell syrup!”

The second mole lifts up its head and says, “I smell honey!”

The mole in the back yells, “I smell mole-asses!”

They say Harriet Tubman escorted 300 slaves to freedom via the Underground Railroad...

If you do the math, that's only 180 people.

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Who's your favorite underground rapper?

Mine personally is XXXTENTACION

I'd been refusing to go exploring underground for months,

Eventually I caved.

A gambler walks into an underground casino with $100 in cash.

He immediately heads for the roulette table and slams it all down on red 34.

The roulette wheel spins... aaaaannnd.... black 26.

Just like that, he loses all of his money.

He walks over to the Casino Manager and begs him for an alternative method of payment so he can continue...

An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician are trapped underground in a collapsed mine.

After some exploring of the area, they come across three rations of canned food that they all agree will allow them to survive for a few more days. Naturally, they all decide that each of them should have one of the three cans of food; unfortunately, none of them possess anything with which to open...

A lot of people are afraid of getting buried underground...

...but that's really only a miner problem.

The government just built an underground prison. They call it Concave.

It's full of convex.

I’m thinking about starting an underground business selling human organs...

It’s gonna take a lot of guts.

A dog got on the underground with me today.

Guess he's a subwoofer.

A rabbi worked the criminal underground had to go on the run after a circumcision..

He would've been caught if he hadn't gotten that tip off.

What's The Incredible Hulk's favourite London Underground station?

Turnham Green!

I was talking to a hipster when he asked me my favorite underground artist.

I replied Whitney Houston

An explosives expert liked to blow up bombs beside the city's underground septic lines. One day, while planting a device, he made a fatal mistake...

The newspapers called him a sewer side bomber.

I WOULD tell you about the secret underground library...

But its very hush hush

My great-grandfather started up an underground distillery during Prohibition

It was a whiskey business

I just found out about this underground science ring

It's called the Large Hadron Collider

How was the guy in the underground water reservoir doing?

Well.

What do you call the underground slave trade?

The black market.

Hole in a Wall

While doing a wee, I once saw /
a mole that was quite the oddball /
it didn't live underground /
but rather, I found /
that it lived in the hole in the wall

So I peered in the home of the mole /
What I saw 'twas a sight to behol' /
inside was a place /
full ...

I found out about this cool underground band called The Beatles.

Well actually only about half of them are underground at the moment.

My great grandmother worked on the Underground Railroad...

She lived in NYC, we just called it the subway.

What do you call a Wookie war-cry on the London Underground?

Tube-haka

I used to have a life before I started serving drinks at underground clubs.

Now I'm behind bars.

My friend just told me he's opening up an underground water storage facility.

Oh, three of them, actually.
Well, well, well...

Why do underground hackers report their income to the IRS?

They know how the system will react to sin tax errors

My friends are like hidden treasure

3 feet deep underground

An epileptic cop brakes up a drug ring in an underground night club.

It was a search and seizure.

What do Trump and Osama Bin Laden have in common?

They both hide underground from the American people. #bunkerboy

A young well dressed blonde woman enters a high end New York City Bank seeking a loan.

The baker she sees checks her references and asks what she plans to use as collateral for the loan, which is only $5000, far less than most clients ask for at his bank.

She offers her Mercedes Benz as collateral. Everything checks out and the banker approves the loan, and the woman thanks him...

Does anyone else think Moles are underated?

Not a lot of people know about them. They're pretty underground.

My doctor said to be careful when i drive underground with other people in the car

Otherwise i might get carpool tunnel syndrome

If you made a wall hanging out of cheap necklaces bought from the merch tables at small, underground rock concerts...

Would you have a Decoration of Indie Pendants?

A group of programmers painstakingly made a small underground passage, that somehow got smaller if it was used too often.

They called it the Carpal Tunnel

I'm really good at digging underground to find sources of water.

You could say it's something I do well.

Why Are Germans Buried 20 Feet Underground?

Because deep down they're real nice

Whose underground shaft should we dig for minerals in?

Mine

Pepper

I bought a womble pepper grinder for my mum today, but she keeps complaining that the pepper is either underground or overground.

Did you hear about the little guy compelled to clap in time whenever he was on the Paris underground?

He was a Métro gnome.

What kind of music do worms listen to?

Eh, you've probably never heard of it - it's super underground stuff.

Did you hear about the one man band on the New York subway?

Probably not, he's an underground artist

"My girlfriend? You wouldn't know her. She's a bit underground."

...said the hipster necrophiliac.

Why have you never heard a mole sing?

He is too underground

A reporter visits a small village farm to interview a farmer about his sheep.

A reporter visits a small village farm to interview a farmer about his sheep.

Reporter:So Billy,what do feed your sheep?

Billy:I feed the white one corn mix.

Reporter:what about the black one?

Billy:I feed it corn mix as well.

Reporter: Ok,where do your sheep sleep...

According to Hesiod version, Orion was likely the son of the sea-god Poseidon and Euryale.

Orion could walk on the waves because of his father; he walked to the island of Chios where he got drunk and attacked Merope, daughter of Oenopion, the ruler there. In vengeance, Oenopion blinded Orion and drove him away. Orion stumbled to Lemnos where Hephaestus—the smith-god—had his forge. Hephaes...

since lil peep died....

would you say he's an underground rapper now?

Three young friends, seeking a fortune, adventure together to Egypt where a new pyramid has been discovered.

Upon arriving at the pyramid, they are immediately told to leave as the site has already been excavated. The friends, not willing to concede, look for a different way in and find an entrance never before used.

It is through this entrance that they find a secret passageway, one that is made at...

You have to wonder about the people who go 10 miles below the speed limit.

How did they get so far underground?

I like my beer like I like my men

Locked underground in a barrel for a decade

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I've got this online friend who's from Katowice. He's a great guy and all,but man,do I hate playing FPS games against him. He always hides in some trench and takes me out by surprise,every goddamn time!

Fuck the Polish comin straight from the underground.

I listen to a band named Magma

It's pretty underground

Mystery Ink Reddit Bull, Claims Alaska Girl

Pics are expected to prove supposed underground print version of famed forum made with "disappearing ink" a hoax.

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A Cowboy from Ft. Worth, Texas walked into a bank in New York City and asked for the loan officer.

The Cowboy told the loan officer that he was going to Paris for an international festival for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000 and that he was not a depositor of the bank.

The bank officer told him that the bank would need some form of security for the loan, so the old cowboy handed over...

Why working in the mine sucks?

Because even when you die, you only rest for 3 days before being back underground.

What did the hipster say about the Chilean miners?

I liked them so much better when they were underground.

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Before going to Europe on business, a man drove his Rolls-Royce to a downtown NY City bank and went in to ask for a $5K loan

The loan officer requested collateral, and the man gave him the keys of the Rolls-Royce. The car was driven into the bank's underground parking and the man was given the $5K.



Two weeks later the man goes to the bank and asks to settle up his loan. The officer tells him "It will be $5...

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A horse begins learning the guitar as a teenager

A horse begins learning the guitar as a teenager. He was dealing with depression at the time, and learning an instrument was exactly what he needed to help him cope. You see, he didn't know it, but he had bi-polar depression. This means it was a chemical thing; he couldn't get out of it easily. So t...

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