A mother ant and her daughter were out for a walk in their underground city.

They were having a lovely day until they came upon a group of protesters outside the queen's domain. One, with a sign reading *It's time to GO!,* spotted them and quickly approached.

"Excuse me ma'am, can you spare a moment to take a look at some alarming literature and help support our cause...

My friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water."

I know he means well.

Why don’t people dig holes underground anymore?

It’s boring

I recently started a recruitment agency that only deals with the underground mining industry.

It's called, Staff It Where The Sun Don't Shine.

What’s green, comes from Mexico and goes underground?

A guaca mole

My friends are like hidden treasure

3 feet deep underground

Millionaire Blondy

A blonde woman walks into a bank in New York City before going on vacation and asks for a $5,000 loan.

The banker asks, "Okay, miss, is there anything you would like to use as collateral?"

The woman says, "Yes, of course. I'll use my Rolls Royce."

The banker, stunned, asks, "A $...

I discovered an underground fight club earlier.

Bloody troglodytes.

What kind of music do worms listen to?

Eh, you've probably never heard of it - it's super underground stuff.

I took the HOV lane underground, when suddenly my hands started cramping on the steering wheel.

Must be my carpool tunnel syndrome.

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Who's your favorite underground rapper?

Mine personally is XXXTENTACION

What do Trump and Osama Bin Laden have in common?

They both hide underground from the American people. #bunkerboy

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My friend works as a scientist where they have a giant underground ring which smashes cocktails together at very high speeds...

...it's called the Pina Collider.

I’m deathly afraid of sharing a car with someone while driving through underground passages.

I have carpool tunnel syndrome.

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My wife kept insisting that we try having sex underground

Eventually I caved.

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When I heard the news that 12 Thai schoolboys had been rescued from underground...

I had to run home and make sure my basement was still padlocked.

I was talking to a hipster when he asked me my favorite underground artist.

I replied Whitney Houston

Someone asked me if I had ever noticed that I had a keen sense for being able to tell where water was underground...

I replied, "I'm well aware."

They say Harriet Tubman escorted 300 slaves to freedom via the Underground Railroad...

If you do the math, that's only 180 people.

There was a family of moles underground.

They were just relaxing down there when the father mole pokes his head out the hole and says “wow, I smell sugar”. The mother mole is interested so she pokes her head out the hole and exclaims” wow I smell glucose!” Then the mother mole calls her son over and he says “ holy cow I smell fructose!” Th...

A group of three successful bowlers traveled to every bowling alley in their county, talking trash at every alley and winning every game. Finally, the owner of an old ma and pa bowling alley had enough and invited them to a secret underground alley.

The old owner explained the rules to a new type of bowling.


"You place the ball at your feet, and then control the ball with your voice"


"That preposterous" said one of the bowlers.


"No, said the old owner, the acoustics in this room are so finely att...

I like music by underground artists

Like Amy Winehouse, Kurt Cobain, Michael Jackson, John Lennon, Bob Marley and Prince.

A lot of people are afraid of getting buried underground...

...but that's really only a miner problem.

3 moles are digging underground in a single-file line.

The first mole stops digging and says, “I smell syrup!”

The second mole lifts up its head and says, “I smell honey!”

The mole in the back yells, “I smell mole-asses!”

I WOULD tell you about the secret underground library...

But its very hush hush

An explosives expert liked to blow up bombs beside the city's underground septic lines. One day, while planting a device, he made a fatal mistake...

The newspapers called him a sewer side bomber.

I'd been refusing to go exploring underground for months,

Eventually I caved.

A gambler walks into an underground casino with $100 in cash.

He immediately heads for the roulette table and slams it all down on red 34.

The roulette wheel spins... aaaaannnd.... black 26.

Just like that, he loses all of his money.

He walks over to the Casino Manager and begs him for an alternative method of payment so he can continue...

A dog got on the underground with me today.

Guess he's a subwoofer.

A reporter visits a small village farm to interview a farmer about his sheep.

A reporter visits a small village farm to interview a farmer about his sheep.

Reporter:So Billy,what do feed your sheep?

Billy:I feed the white one corn mix.

Reporter:what about the black one?

Billy:I feed it corn mix as well.

Reporter: Ok,where do your sheep sleep...

I’m thinking about starting an underground business selling human organs...

It’s gonna take a lot of guts.

I went to an underground party dressed as a bird.

I was raven for hours.

You don't joke about the London Underground at 8 am.

Full stop.

My great-grandfather started up an underground distillery during Prohibition

It was a whiskey business

A rabbi worked the criminal underground had to go on the run after a circumcision..

He would've been caught if he hadn't gotten that tip off.

The government just built an underground prison. They call it Concave.

It's full of convex.

An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician are trapped underground in a collapsed mine.

After some exploring of the area, they come across three rations of canned food that they all agree will allow them to survive for a few more days. Naturally, they all decide that each of them should have one of the three cans of food; unfortunately, none of them possess anything with which to open...

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I've got this online friend who's from Katowice. He's a great guy and all,but man,do I hate playing FPS games against him. He always hides in some trench and takes me out by surprise,every goddamn time!

Fuck the Polish comin straight from the underground.

I found out about this cool underground band called The Beatles.

Well actually only about half of them are underground at the moment.

since lil peep died....

would you say he's an underground rapper now?

What's The Incredible Hulk's favourite London Underground station?

Turnham Green!

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A man enters a competition ( an original)

A man has three glasses of wine but he has to fight for each one for a competition. One wine glass is in a vault. One is buried underground. The last one is atop a mountain. The man is good at cracking codes and he gets through the vault door easily and drinks the glass of wine. He also is very good...

How was the guy in the underground water reservoir doing?

Well.

My great grandmother worked on the Underground Railroad...

She lived in NYC, we just called it the subway.

What do you call the underground slave trade?

The black market.

Mystery Ink Reddit Bull, Claims Alaska Girl

Pics are expected to prove supposed underground print version of famed forum made with "disappearing ink" a hoax.

I listen to a band named Magma

It's pretty underground

Why do underground hackers report their income to the IRS?

They know how the system will react to sin tax errors

I like my beer like I like my men

Locked underground in a barrel for a decade

My friend just told me he's opening up an underground water storage facility.

Oh, three of them, actually.
Well, well, well...

If you made a wall hanging out of cheap necklaces bought from the merch tables at small, underground rock concerts...

Would you have a Decoration of Indie Pendants?

An epileptic cop brakes up a drug ring in an underground night club.

It was a search and seizure.

My doctor said to be careful when i drive underground with other people in the car

Otherwise i might get carpool tunnel syndrome

A group of programmers painstakingly made a small underground passage, that somehow got smaller if it was used too often.

They called it the Carpal Tunnel

Why working in the mine sucks?

Because even when you die, you only rest for 3 days before being back underground.

Did you hear about the little guy compelled to clap in time whenever he was on the Paris underground?

He was a Métro gnome.

You have to wonder about the people who go 10 miles below the speed limit.

How did they get so far underground?

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A Cowboy from Ft. Worth, Texas walked into a bank in New York City and asked for the loan officer.

The Cowboy told the loan officer that he was going to Paris for an international festival for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000 and that he was not a depositor of the bank.

The bank officer told him that the bank would need some form of security for the loan, so the old cowboy handed over...

"My girlfriend? You wouldn't know her. She's a bit underground."

...said the hipster necrophiliac.

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Before going to Europe on business, a man drove his Rolls-Royce to a downtown NY City bank and went in to ask for a $5K loan

The loan officer requested collateral, and the man gave him the keys of the Rolls-Royce. The car was driven into the bank's underground parking and the man was given the $5K.



Two weeks later the man goes to the bank and asks to settle up his loan. The officer tells him "It will be $5...

So a guy walks into a bank in Manhattan and asks for the loan officer

The loan officer comes over immediately.

“How can I help you, sir?” he asks.

“I’m going out of town on business for two weeks and need to borrow $5,000,” the man answers.

The loan officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan.

So, the man ho...

Most people don't know where peanuts grow

It's totally underground

A woman buys a closet from Ikea

A woman who lives just above an underground station buys a closet from Ikea and tries to build it in her apartment. She gets it built but, before she could get any clothes inside, the underground arrives at the station and the closet collapses.

She doesn't understand how could this happen sin...

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There once lived a great detective...

There once lived a great detective named Stewart. He was the best detective of his time. But he was no ordinary detective. He could solve every case he encountered with the help of the magical powers bestowed to him by a fairy.

The fairy gave him the power to gain insight on any case by think...

Why did it take so long for Atlanta to build a subway?

Talking about an underground railroad is still a sore subject around those parts.

How did the hipster burn his tongue?

He ate potatos before they were cool

Why was he eating potato's?

Because they were underground

What did the hipster say about the Chilean miners?

I liked them so much better when they were underground.

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The year: 2029. A brilliant scientist is constructing the first sentient artificial intelligence.

He's working out of his garage in San Francisco, living on charitable donations from his worried friends. He dropped out of college when he realized he could change the world — there's no going back; his life is dedicated to this project. At first, he is met with failure upon failure. But then, he r...

Three Homemade Jokes (Puns) ENJOY

Two worms are going through a pantry. They go through some apples, pears, and other things. After a while, they get STUCK, in something hard and green. One says to the other, "Man, we really got ourselves into a pickle."

An archaeologist is going through an underground cave and comes across a...

Is Jesus a Gangster?

Because he’s coming straight from the underground.

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NSFW Long A mole challenges a rabbit to a race...

Hey rabbit want to bet that I can get to that tree before you on a race, said the mole to the rabbit.

Of course and I will win, said the arrogant rabbit, but what do you want to bet?

I have an idea; said the little mole, the winner gets to fuck the other in the ass...

WTF said t...

We meet a lot of people in our lives who must be treasured.

You know, locked up in a box and buried underground.

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A horse begins learning the guitar as a teenager

A horse begins learning the guitar as a teenager. He was dealing with depression at the time, and learning an instrument was exactly what he needed to help him cope. You see, he didn't know it, but he had bi-polar depression. This means it was a chemical thing; he couldn't get out of it easily. So t...

What a dumb blonde... wait......

Blonde goes into a bank

Blonde: I need a loan for $5,000.

Bank-teller: We'll need some sort of deposit.

Blonde: Ok, here's the keys to my car (Mercedes-Benz S600)

Blonde leaves

Bank-teller(laughing): She's so stupid! Leaving a $100,000 car as a deposit for a $5,000...

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Mr. Punn could not save them

I remember years ago when in my remote town in Alaska there were 10 men stuck underground. I don't recall the circumstances that got them into this situation but it was clear that if they didn't get out soon they weren't going to make it.

All of our local rescue and public services were unabl...

I dont like the fact that the Thailand cave boys have become all famous and mainstream.

I preferred them when they were more Underground

Starting the day in London

Two friends from London on the phone:

Guy 1: Hey mate, what's up?

Guy 2: Not much. I am smelling one chicks hair whilst another one is walking all over me in her high heels.

Guy 1: Oh I see, call me when you get off the underground.

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You are a lot like a septic tank.

Full of shit and should be buried underground.

People who constantly brag about their ancestors are like potatoes

The only good thing about them is underground.

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