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Underground Jokes

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On day six of the Creation, God announced to his archangel underlings, "Today we're creating a place called Canada.

"Today we're creating a place called Canada. Pull out all the stops. Give it beautiful mountains, lakes, plains, forests, and sandy beaches. Underground, give it oil, gold, etc. Oh, and plenty of fish and wildlife."

"Sir," interjected an archangel, "aren't you being overly generous to the...

Did you know it’s impossible to eat baklava underground?

Because then it’s bakmagma

My friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water"

I know he means well...

A mother ant and her daughter were out for a walk in their underground city.

They were having a lovely day until they came upon a group of protesters outside the queen's domain. One, with a sign reading *It's time to GO!,* spotted them and quickly approached.

"Excuse me ma'am, can you spare a moment to take a look at some alarming literature and help support our cause...

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I'm a big fan of underground rappers

Such as Tupac, Eazy-E, XXXTentacion, and Juice Wrld

I recently started a recruitment agency that only deals with the underground mining industry.

It's called, Staff It Where The Sun Don't Shine.

3 Moles are traveling underground.

Daddy mole leading the way, followed by Momma and Baby mole.

Suddenly, Daddy mole stops, sniffs, and says, "MMM, I smell clover."

A few yards further Momma mole stops, sniffs, and says, "Ahhh, I smell honey."

After a few more minutes Baby mole has had enough. He yells towards t...

Finally a smart blonde joke

A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the Loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and Needs to borrow $5,000.

The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Mercedes Benz...

Two old englishmen are standing on the underground platform

The first old man asks "Is this Wembley?"

The other replies "No, Thursday."

The first replies "Ah! So am I. Shall we go and get a pint?"

3 moles are digging underground in a single-file line.

The first mole stops digging and says, “I smell syrup!”

The second mole lifts up its head and says, “I smell honey!”

The mole in the back yells, “I smell mole-asses!”

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Heard on the Underground

A list of actual announcements that London Tube train drivers have made to their passengers...
1) "Ladies and Gentlemen, I do apologize for the delay to your service. I know you're all dying to get home, unless, of course, you happen to be married to my ex-wife, in which case you'll want to cro...

Devil: This is the lake of lava you will be spending eternity in

Me: Actually, since we're underground, it would be magma

Devil: You understand this is why you're here, right?

What do you call a secret underground Soy Sauce smuggling ring??

A ponzu scheme!

I taught my pet dog to play the trumpet on the London Underground today

He went from Barking to Tooting in about 15 minutes

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You know about the underground gourmet restaurant?

They have a human flesh dish, with two different sauces: menstruation and semen.

It's called "Gametes, in three seasons".

What do you call bukkake in an underground bunker?

What do you call bukkake in an underground bunker?

...

...

...

Prepper spray

An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician are trapped underground in a collapsed mine.

After some exploring of the area, they come across three rations of canned food that they all agree will allow them to survive for a few more days. Naturally, they all decide that each of them should have one of the three cans of food; unfortunately, none of them possess anything with which to open...

Why don’t people dig holes underground anymore?

It’s boring

Two knights, Harold and George, had captured by trolls and taken to their underground liar.

The trolls leader told Harold and George that if the two fought each other without killing one another, they would both be let go, however, this would come at a price:

If Harold lost, he would have his hands cut off, while if George lost, he would have his feet cut off. And the winner would h...

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When I heard the news that 12 Thai schoolboys had been rescued from underground...

I had to run home and make sure my basement was still padlocked.

The government just built an underground prison. They call it Concave.

It's full of convex.

Did you hear about the blacksmith who ran an underground casino?

He who smelt it dealt it.

I like music by underground artists

Like Amy Winehouse, Kurt Cobain, Michael Jackson, John Lennon, Bob Marley and Prince.

I discovered an underground fight club earlier.

Bloody troglodytes.

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Who's your favorite underground rapper?

Mine personally is XXXTENTACION

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A story is told of a Londoner, a Jewish man who was riding on the London Underground reading an Arab newspaper.

A friend of his, who happened to be riding in the same underground car, noticed this strange phenomenon. Very upset, he approached the newspaper reader. "Moishe, have you lost your mind? Why are you reading an Arab newspaper?"

Moishe replied, "I used to read the Jewish newspaper, but what di...

What’s green, comes from Mexico and goes underground?

A guaca mole

I'd been refusing to go exploring underground for months,

Eventually I caved.

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My wife kept insisting that we try having sex underground

Eventually I caved.

A dog got on the underground with me today.

Guess he's a subwoofer.

My great-grandfather started up an underground distillery during Prohibition

It was a whiskey business

I just found out about this underground science ring

It's called the Large Hadron Collider

I WOULD tell you about the secret underground library...

But its very hush hush

What's The Incredible Hulk's favourite London Underground station?

Turnham Green!

They say Harriet Tubman escorted 300 slaves to freedom via the Underground Railroad...

If you do the math, that's only 180 people.

I found out about this cool underground band called The Beatles.

Well actually only about half of them are underground at the moment.

A gambler walks into an underground casino with $100 in cash.

He immediately heads for the roulette table and slams it all down on red 34.

The roulette wheel spins... aaaaannnd.... black 26.

Just like that, he loses all of his money.

He walks over to the Casino Manager and begs him for an alternative method of payment so he can continue...

You don't joke about the London Underground at 8 am.

Full stop.

Old Finnish WW2 joke

Finnish general Adolf Ehrnrooth was visiting in England after the World War II.

British general asked him how many Russian troops were stationed in Finland.

"A few hundred thousand" answered Ehrnrooth.

"Where in Finland are they stationed?" The British general asked.

Eh...

What do you call the underground slave trade?

The black market.

My great grandmother worked on the Underground Railroad...

She lived in NYC, we just called it the subway.

I took the HOV lane underground, when suddenly my hands started cramping on the steering wheel.

Must be my carpool tunnel syndrome.

How was the guy in the underground water reservoir doing?

Well.

I’m deathly afraid of sharing a car with someone while driving through underground passages.

I have carpool tunnel syndrome.

Why Are Germans Buried 20 Feet Underground?

Because deep down they're real nice

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Ok.. Hear me out

So the perceived 'Road' in this case is actually the trick by the government to sell more adapters to construction company. This is because the secret lizard people of the UNDERGROUND are controlling the chickens neurons and each brain cell is secretly in on the plot. Y...

Why do underground hackers report their income to the IRS?

They know how the system will react to sin tax errors

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My grandfather told me how, during WW2 when my nation was under Nazi occupation, he was part of the underground resistance, managing to bring down several German aircraft, and killing many of the pilots.

Easily the worst mechanic the Luftwaffe ever had.

I'm really good at digging underground to find sources of water.

You could say it's something I do well.

A rabbi worked the criminal underground had to go on the run after a circumcision..

He would've been caught if he hadn't gotten that tip off.

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My friend works as a scientist where they have a giant underground ring which smashes cocktails together at very high speeds...

...it's called the Pina Collider.

Someone asked me if I had ever noticed that I had a keen sense for being able to tell where water was underground...

I replied, "I'm well aware."

I just finished my latest underground movie. It's about a young man who rides a motorcycle naked across America's roughest roads.

I call it "Uneasy Rider".

I was talking to a hipster when he asked me my favorite underground artist.

I replied Whitney Houston

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The world fossil fuel industry was shocked by the scandalous public exposure of LITERAL underground "swingers parties". The scandal allegedly involves numerous lustful Coal Union members including prospectors, colliers, dredgers, excavators, and sappers...

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# POST REMOVED

# Rule 9 - Reddit prohibits any sexual or suggestive content involving minors.

I used to have a life before I started serving drinks at underground clubs.

Now I'm behind bars.

My friend just told me he's opening up an underground water storage facility.

Oh, three of them, actually.
Well, well, well...

"My girlfriend? You wouldn't know her. She's a bit underground."

...said the hipster necrophiliac.

Did you hear about the little guy compelled to clap in time whenever he was on the Paris underground?

He was a Métro gnome.

An epileptic cop brakes up a drug ring in an underground night club.

It was a search and seizure.

What a dumb blonde... wait...

*Blonde goes into a bank

Blonde: I need a loan for $5,000.

Bank-teller: We'll need some sort of deposit.

Blonde: Ok, here's the keys to my car (Mercedes-Benz S600)

*Blonde leaves

Bank-teller(laughing): She's so stupid! Leaving a $100,000 car as a deposit for a $5,0...

An explosives expert liked to blow up bombs beside the city's underground septic lines. One day, while planting a device, he made a fatal mistake...

The newspapers called him a sewer side bomber.

Does anyone else think Moles are underated?

Not a lot of people know about them. They're pretty underground.

If you made a wall hanging out of cheap necklaces bought from the merch tables at small, underground rock concerts...

Would you have a Decoration of Indie Pendants?

A group of programmers painstakingly made a small underground passage, that somehow got smaller if it was used too often.

They called it the Carpal Tunnel

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A man enters a competition ( an original)

A man has three glasses of wine but he has to fight for each one for a competition. One wine glass is in a vault. One is buried underground. The last one is atop a mountain. The man is good at cracking codes and he gets through the vault door easily and drinks the glass of wine. He also is very good...

A group of three successful bowlers traveled to every bowling alley in their county, talking trash at every alley and winning every game. Finally, the owner of an old ma and pa bowling alley had enough and invited them to a secret underground alley.

The old owner explained the rules to a new type of bowling.


"You place the ball at your feet, and then control the ball with your voice"


"That preposterous" said one of the bowlers.


"No, said the old owner, the acoustics in this room are so finely att...

What do Trump and Osama Bin Laden have in common?

They both hide underground from the American people. #bunkerboy

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A manic depressive horse named John

There once was a manic depressive horse named John. He was drinking away his problems in a bar that was popular among the local animals because they didn't card. You see, ever since he was a young colt, John used music to deal with his emotions. He started off with a vinyl record of The Beatles' *Re...

What did the hipster say about the Chilean miners?

I liked them so much better when they were underground.

You have to wonder about the people who go 10 miles below the speed limit.

How did they get so far underground?

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Hitler eventually proved his art school Teachers wrong , and DID become one of the greatest painters of all time...

It's just the he painted an underground bunker with his brains.

A woman buys a closet from Ikea

A woman who lives just above an underground station buys a closet from Ikea and tries to build it in her apartment. She gets it built but, before she could get any clothes inside, the underground arrives at the station and the closet collapses.

She doesn't understand how could this happen sin...

How did the hipster burn his tongue?

He ate potatoes before they were cool.

Why was he eating potatoes?

Because they’re so underground.

[An Old Joke from my Grandpa] An Indian Archeologist goes China to meet his Archeologist friend.

Chinese man takes him to his working site, After digging for a while they found some electrical wires buried underground.

Chinese Guy: (to the Indian guy) Look, these wires look ancient, Unlike you Indians, we Chinese were so advanced back then that we used electrical technologies.

Ind...

A reporter visits a small village farm to interview a farmer about his sheep.

A reporter visits a small village farm to interview a farmer about his sheep.

Reporter:So Billy,what do feed your sheep?

Billy:I feed the white one corn mix.

Reporter:what about the black one?

Billy:I feed it corn mix as well.

Reporter: Ok,where do your sheep sleep...

Murphy in London

Murphy found himself in the London underground subway station, at four o’clock in the morning. He walked along to the escalator, on the escalator it is written, “Dogs must be carried on the escalator.” he thought, “God, where am I going to find a dog at this hour of the night?”

A joke about Germans - I´m German and i was rolling on the floor laughing about it

Q: Why do they bury Germans 20 meters underground?

A: Because deep down they are really nice.

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