UPJOKE
belownetherlowsubordinatebeneathunderneathlow-levelbottomthefromforduringbeingafterwithout

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

"You're under arrest, anything you say CAN and WILL be held against you"

"Boobs!! Boobs!! Big boobs!!"

What's worse than finding a bomb under your car?

Not finding it.

A man walks into a bakery with a 25lb haddock under his arm.

He asks the baker, "do you make fish cakes?".

The slightly confused baker replies that they don't.

"That's a shame", replies the man. "It's his birthday today".

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A publishing company is under fire for their headline "Half of Senate Are Fucking Idiots." So they issued a correction the next day

"Half of Senate Are Not Fucking Idiots."

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Under the pillow

Grandma and Grandpa were visiting their kids overnight.

When Grandpa found a bottle of Viagra in his sonโ€™s medicine cabinet, he asked about using one of the pills.

The son said,

โ€œI donโ€™t think you should take one Dad, theyโ€™re very strong and very expensive.โ€

โ€œHow much?โ€ a...

If Bitcoin eventually goes underโ€ฆ

Will it go to the Crypt Oโ€™ Currency?

I saw an old man walking down the street with a large wall-clock under his arm.

Despite his age, he has time on his side.

I had 180 people under me at my first job and I was only 14 years old.

I mowed the town cemetery.

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Itโ€™s hard to have sex with a marine mammal under a tarp,

for all in tents and porpoises.

Once youโ€™ve seen a thousand stores under one roofโ€ฆ

Youโ€™ve seen theMall

Liz Cheney will agree to dismantle the January 6 Commission under one condition

That is if Donald Trump can go on a hunting trip with her Dad.

A paddy comes upon his neighbour carrying a sheep under each arm.

- You gonna shear'em?
- No, they're both for me.

What does a storm wear under its pants?

Thunderware

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What do you call a person who pulls out a chair from under you before you sit?

.

.

.

.

.

.

A Chairrorist



you may groan now.

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8 years ago today, I shared the worst joke I ever created. I reposted it 4 years ago. Here it is again for those that missed it.

There are two identical twin brothers that live together. One happens to be a well-respected dentist, and the other can't seem to keep a job. Instead of actively looking for work, he likes to sit around at home. One Saturday, the dentist is hungry, and puts his brother on the spot. He tells him to g...

Sir Isaac Newton was sitting under an apple tree pondering as to why things always fell to the groundโ€ฆ

And then it hit him.

Saw a right angle resting under a tree this afternoon and thought....

Wow! 90 degrees in the shade!!

An Eskimos car breaks down and a man from New Zealand pulls over to help him out. He has a look under the bonnet and says โ€œlooks like youโ€™ve blown a sealโ€ the Eskimo replies

โ€œSo what you f**k sheepโ€

A man walks into a seafood shop carrying a trout under his arm.

"do you make fish cakes?"

"Yes we do" replies the fishmonger...

"Great" says the man, รฏt's his birthday"

Airport police say that the number of people smuggling helium balloons in their luggage is under control

And yet cases continue to rise

Boebert asked her coworker, "Do you have any kids?" "Yes," she replied. "I have one child that's just under two."

Then Boebert said, "I might be stupid, but I know how many one is."

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm

He asks โ€œA beer please. And one for the road!โ€

A soldier ran up to a nun. Out of breath he asked, โ€œPlease, may I hide under your skirt. Iโ€™ll explain later.โ€

The nun agreedโ€ฆ

A moment later two Military Police ran up and asked, โ€œSister, have you seen a soldier?โ€

The nun replied, โ€œHe went that way.โ€

After the MPs ran off, the soldier crawled out from under her skirt and said, โ€œI canโ€™t thank you enough, sister. You see, I donโ€™t want ...

What does a cloud wear under his raincoat?

Thunderwear.

A third rate magician is doing magic shows on a second rate cruise ship (Long)

The pay is good, the accommodation is comfortable, the food is excellent, and the two show a day workload is easy. The mainly elderly audience seem to enjoy his show which is unoriginal but has the polish of hundreds of repetitions. All in all, it's started out as a great gig except for one glaring ...

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A plane leaves Los Angeles airport under the control of a Jewish captain. His co-pilot is Chinese.

His copilot is Chinese. It's the first time they've flown together, and an awkward silence between the two seems to indicate a mutual dislike.

Once they reach cruising altitude, the Jewish captain activates the auto-pilot, leans back in his seat, and mutters, 'I don't like Chinese.'

'N...

In a small town, a doctor is about to retire and a young colleague comes to replace him.

They visit all the patients together, and the old doctor introduces the young one everywhere.

"Doctor, I've been having a constant stomach ache lately." cries one of the patients.

The old doctor answers,

"Didn't you eat too much fruit? I think you should eat less, that'll make ...

Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?

Malaysia Flight 370

A bartender walked over to a table where two people were on a date

He spoke to the woman first- "Madame, I'm afraid I'm going to have to cut you off. You both have clearly had too much to drink; your husband just slid under the table!"

The woman said "No, my husband just walked in the door!"

A priest, a lawyer and an engineer are to be guillotined.

The priest puts his head on the block, the rope is pulled but nothing happens. He claims he has been saved by divine intervention and is released.

The lawyer puts his head on the block, but again, nothing happens, he claims he can't be executed twice for the same crime and is set free.
...

I hired a monk to redo my bathroom floors, and he put me under an immense amount of pressure.

It was tile by friar.

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A cook gets married and the bride is a virgin.

On the wedding night, she cowers under the bed sheets as her husband undresses. He climbs in bed and tries to gently reassure her.

โ€œDarling,โ€ he says, โ€œI know this is your first time and you are very frightened but I promise you, I'll give you anyting you want, I'll do anyting you want. What ...

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A tourist wanders into a back-alley antique shop in San Francisco's Chinatown.

A tourist wanders into a back-alley antique shop in San Francisco's Chinatown. Picking through the objects on display he discovers a detailed, life-sized bronze sculpture of a rat. The sculpture is so interesting and unique that he picks it up and asks the shop owner what it costs.

...

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NSFW, A guy walks home with a duck under his arm.

He walks into the kitchen, and sees his wife sitting at the table.

He says, "I want to show you the pig I'm fucking".

Wife says, "That's not a pig. That's a duck."

Guy says, "I wasn't talking to you." '

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

My printer died last night under suspicious circumstances.

Epson didn't kill itself.

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Three Soviet generals wager who has bravest soldiers

Soviet army organizes a large military exercise. Three high-ranking officers - an army general, a navy admiral and an air force commander watch the war games from an observation bunker, drink vodka and argue who has bravest men. They can not reach a conclusion, so the army general calls his troops a...

The farmer and his daughters.

There is a farmer with three, beautiful daughters. He was always wary of them dating horrible guys so he forbid them to date their entire teenage lives.

But when they turned eighteen the daughters told their father he couldnโ€™t stop them from dating anymore and the farmer, so, instead of fig...

So Leonardo Dicaprio wants to quosh rumours that he only dates women under 25...

To demonstrate this, he's now dating Pete Davidson

Did you hear they caught the monster that was under my bed?

He was under a rest

what do clouds wear under their shorts?

Thunderpants

A man weโ€™ll call โ€œEgon Tuskโ€ had just become the CEO of a large tech company.

The departing CEO left him with three envelopes numbered 1, 2 and 3.

"Open these if you run up against a problem you don't think you can solve," the departing CEO said.

Egon made a lot of changes, but six months later revenues had still not picked up and was in fact lower than when he...

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I saw my wife walk past me with her sexiest underwear on, which can only mean one thing.

Today is laundry day.

A little boy is born, and has only his head

He lives like this for years, until one Christmas, he finds a torso under the tree.

He says โ€œMom! Do you think next year Santa will bring me some arms?โ€

โ€œHe just might.โ€ She replies.

The next year, sure enough, thereโ€™s a pair of arms under the tree.

Again the boy asks his...

The Caribbean is under attack from invasive plant life and other weeds

The situation is dire, specifically the Cuban Thistle Crisis

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My girlfriend dressed up as a policewoman and told me I was under arrest for suspicion of being good in bed.

After 2 minutes, all charges were dropped due to lack of evidence.

What is a teenager under stress called?

A teenager

God created the dog and said: "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past.

For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years."
The dog said: "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?"
So God agreed.
God created the monkey and said: "Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll gi...

People often ask me if anything is worn under my kilt...

I tell them "No, nothing's worn. Everything is in fine working order!"

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One night a guy goes to get a room in a hotel. "Hello, I want a single room for the night please." "Fine, sir, here's one of our best rooms. Room 13," says the concierge and hands him the key

The guy goes upstairs, takes a shower and gets straight into bed. At about 2 0'clock in the morning, two gorgeous naked women come in and slide under the covers. When he realizes what is going on, he starts screwing both of them. He can't believe what's happening. Next morning, still surprised by la...

Chess is banned under Islam

They hate that the queen moves freely.

A case study has found trampolines are involved in half of all ER admissions for under-14's.

The authors said the problem is tumbling out of control.

Two fellas are fishing in a boat under a bridge.

One looks up and sees a funeral procession starting across the bridge.
He stands up, takes off his cap, and bows his head.
The procession crosses the bridge and the man puts on his cap, picks up his rod and reel, and continues fishing.
The other guy says, "That was touching. I didn't know...

I was devastated to hear that someone in my town was crushed under a skid of Canada Dry today.

Now i guess we're both soda pressed.

Tragic news from the Nestle factory today as a worker was crushed to death under hundreds of boxes of chocolates.

He tried in vain to get help but every time he shouted, "The milky bars are on me!!" --his fellow workmates just cheered

My county has just been under a tornado warning. As a redditor, I am excited thinking about the possible damage to my fence.

I could have so much reposting to do!

My 6 year old daughter has been complaining about monsters under her bed for ages.

It seemed cute and funny at the beginning but it's been twenty minutes now, and I'm wondering if I should just crawl out already.

What is the cheapest kind of meat?

Deer balls! Theyโ€™re under a buckโ€ฆ

How many Texas cops does it take to save children from an active shooter?

Still under investigation.







Edit: For those who assume I think any part of this situation is funny... [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black\_comedy](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_comedy). Also who gave me a Wholesome award? That's seriously messed up.

Edit ...

An old country preacher had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should give some thought to choosing a profession.

Like many young men his age, the boy didn't really know what he wanted to do, and he didn't seem too concerned about it.

One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment. He went into the boy's room and placed on his study table four objects:

1. A Bi...

A lion notices a monkey by a river, dipping a banana peel into the water

He watches her for a few minutes, as she dips the peel, keeps it under water, and then takes it out, watches the water a bit, repeats. Finally, the lion gives up trying to make sense of the sequence.

"Hey, monkey"

"Hey, lion"

"What in the world are you doing?"

"Ten bucks ...

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A guy went to a doctor about getting a penile implant.

When speaking with the doctor, he said "You have come to the right place. ย We have a new procedure, that has worked very well for several of my patients. ย We implant part of an elephant's trunk into your penis. ย I expect you'll enjoy it once the operation is complete.

Although the man was a l...

I saw a video on the news the other night of the former president with his hand shoved up under his arm making musical farting noises... I really enjoyed it!

I love a good Trump-pit solo!

A prisoner has been digging up a tunnel under his cell for years

One day he while he was digging he saw the light, he reached the end of tunnel and ended up in a kindergarten playground

"I'm free, I'm free!" shouted the escaped prisoner

"so what? I'm four" said one of the toddlers

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

Joe suffers from chronic headaches for a long time.

The doctor said, "Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine, and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove t...

What does a forest wear under all the plants?

Planties

How can you tell when thereโ€™s an orca under your bed?

The ceiling is a lot closer.

A man is walking by a brothel..

One day a man is walking by a brothel, never having been inside, and decides to hey, why the hell not

as he enters he is met with two doors, one has a plaque that says "first time" and the other "regular"

being honest he walks through the "first time" door

there he is presented ...

What did the police officer say to the criminal hiding under the bed?

โ€œYouโ€™re under restโ€

What was bulging under the leprechaunโ€™s trousers?

His wee knee.

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

An old farmer is sitting on his front porch watching the sunrise

when he sees the neighborโ€™s kid walk by carrying a spool of something metallic under his arm. โ€œHey boy, what do you have there?โ€

โ€œChicken wire.โ€

โ€œWhat you gonna do with that?โ€

โ€œGonna catch some chickens.โ€

โ€œYou damn fool! You canโ€™t catch chickens with chicken wire!โ€ says...

Blondes

A young blonde, out of money and down on her luck, needed some quick cash. Desperate, she decided to kidnap a child and hold it for ransomโ€ฆ

She went to the local playground, randomly grabbed a kid, took him behind a nearby building, and in a stern voice she told him, "You've been kidnapped, ...

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I put my mobile phone under my pillow last night.

When I woke up it was gone and there was a $1 coin in its place.

Fucking Bluetooth Fairy!

Did you hear that Adelle started a campaign to raise awareness for sea life by reading Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone while scuba diving 60 ft under the water.

They called it "Rowling in the Deep"

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

A young boy, a doctor, and an old man were on an airplane with Putin.

Suddenly, the pilot runs in and cries, "The plane is going down and we only have 4 parachutes but 5 people," as he runs to the back. The pilot then takes a parachute and jumps out of the aircraft.

Immediately, Putin grabs the nearest parachute, says, "I have a war I must win," and hops off t...

Why they bury lawyers 12 feet under?

Because deep down they are good people.

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

A soldier is running from the military police.

Just in time he sees a Nun and asks if he can hide under her dress explaining that he doesnโ€™t want to get sent to Afghanistan. She agrees and he is able to outwit the MP. When he crawls out he says โ€œyou have a really nice pair of legs sister.โ€ The Nun says, โ€œyeah and if you had looked up, youโ€™d hav...

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Best submarine

Last Saturday, a British, a Russian and an American admiral met in Pearl Harbour, and standing on the water front, they were bragging about their ships.

British admiral: "I say chaps, we have a jolly good new submarine, which can go around Ireland under water without surfacing once. It's bloo...

Eleven people were hanging on a rope under a helicopter, ten men and one woman...

Eleven people were hanging on a rope under a helicopter, ten men and one woman. The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one has to drop off, otherwise they are all going to fall.
They were not able to choose that person, but then the woman made a very touching speec...

After playing racquetball at the gym, two guys hit the shower and were getting changed...

and the first guy was putting on a bra. The second guy looked surprised and asked "How long have you been wearing a bra?" The first guy answers "Ever since my wife found it under the bed".

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

Tickle Me Elmo

There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms. Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 am.
The next day at 8:45 am there is a knock at the Personnel Manage...

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Six Lessons

**Lesson 1:**

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbour. Before she says a word, Bob says, โ€œIโ€™ll give y...

Three men were buried under a landslide in China

Three men were buried under a landslide in China.

They're inside a car when it happened, and miraculously still have cell phone connection.

The first man made a phone call to the police:

"I'm a good citizen and husband, please come save us!"

The police tell him they will ...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

Dude walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm.

His wife is lying on the bed, reading. Dude says "This is the pig I fuck when you have a headache."

Wife says "I think you'll find that's a sheep under your arm."

Dude says: "I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep."

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

Cake day repost: Sorry!!!

A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier. He said to the female whale, "Lets both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same...

I dropped an ice cube next to the freezer. It melted and got my sock wet the next time I went to the kitchen.

I was mad at first, but now it's mostly water under the fridge.

[OC] i just realized Dwayne Johnson was living above my appartment.

i was living under The Rock for a very long time.

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

Wedding night

Sophia had just gotten married, and being a traditional Italian girl living under the watchful eye of her mother, she remained a virgin up until she and her husband took their wedding vowsโ€ฆ

On their wedding night, the newlyweds stayed at her mother's house, and Sophia was nervous. Her mother...

I used to put my phone under my pillow so I could feel the alarm

Now I just put it in my pants. I've never woken up happier

Why does the army need people under the age of 5?

For the Infantry

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

*Cannibals preparing a soup*

Two missionaries were sitting in a large pot of water as several cannibals built a fire under the pot.

Other cannibals were busy slicing potatoes, carrots and other vegetables an adding them into the pot with the two missionaries.

The water started getting hotter and hotter the missi...

Before Chuck Norris goes sleep, he checks under his bed for Volodymyr Zelensky.

Tornadoes don't exist, Volodymyr Zelensky just hates trailer parks.

Chuck Norris jokes but instead of Chuck Norris it's Volodymyr Zelensky.

What brand of toilet paper do Australians use?

Any brand they can get down under.

A woman wanted to know how her husband would react if she left him. She wrote him a letter saying she is tired of him and didn't want to live with him anymore. She put it on the table in the bedroom and then climbed under the bed to hide until her husband got home.

When he eventually came back home, he saw the letter on the table and read it. After a few moments of silence, he picked up the pen and added something to the letter. Then he started to get changed, whistling happy tunes and singing and dancing while he did so. He grabbed his phone and dialed a numb...

If you accidentally drop ice cubes on the floor, just gently kick them under the refrigerator.

Soon itโ€™ll be just water under the fridge.

Kid tragically fell under a steam roller

The poor child was squashed to death as a steam roller ran over him. Fortunately some one knew who he was and where he lived. A police officer said he would drive to the childโ€™s address to break the bad news. Sadly there was no reply so the police officer did the next best thing. He slid the kid und...

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The mayor is worried about juvenile crime in the city, so he orders various groups to do something about it. Half a year later, they meet to discuss their results.

"We reached out to local schools and started youth programs to keep children busy and educate them on better behaviour. Our studies show that crime among participants fell by 15% compared to the control group."

"We increased police presence in affected areas to deter unlawful behaviour. Our o...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

Scoutmaster

Dear Dad & Mom,

Our scoutmaster told us all write to our parents in case you saw the flood on TV and worried. We are OK. Only 1 of our tents and 2 Sleeping bags got washed away.

Luckily, none of us got drowned because we we're all up on the mountain looking for Chad when it happen...

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A guy from the city decides to move to the country and take up farming

He goes to his first livestock auction and wins a bid on a male and female chicken. The seller says "You just moved from the city, right? If you want to fit in around here, you can't call these 'chickens'. This one is a cock, and this one is a pullet. By the way, if you want, I can sell you an ass -...

Definition of Verified

1. To demonstrate the truth or accuracy of, as by the presentation of evidence: experiments that verified the hypothesis. See Synonyms at confirm.
2. Law
1. To attest to the truth of (something) formally or under oath.
2. To make a for
3. Twitter
1. Their $8 charge was succe...

My wife uses fabric softener. I never knew what that stuff was for. Then I noticed women coming up to me, sniffing, then saying under their breath,

"Married!" and walking away. Fabric Softeners are how our wives mark their territory. We can take off the ring, but it's hard to get that April fresh scent out of your clothes.

A couple want to have children but the wife can't get pregnant.

A couple want to have children but the wife can't get pregnant
...so they go to see a priest for advice. The priest tells them they came at the right time, since his superior just sent him to Rome for 10 years, and he's leaving tomorrow.
'As soon as I'll get there, I'll immediately light a can...

Cop on horse says to little girl on bike, "Did Santa get you that?"

"Yes," replies the little girl. "Well tell him to put a reflector light on it next year!" and fines her $5.

The little girl looks up at the cop and says, "Nice horse you've got there, did Santa bring you that?"

The cop chuckles and replies, "He sure did!" "Well," says the little girl, ...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

The knob - Long

A rich older woman had an addiction to plastic surgery and would go to her surgeons office regularly for little touchups here and there. One day she went in and asked about a full facelift. Her surgeon suggested, instead of getting the facelift, he could install the knob for her.

What's the k...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

A Newfoundlander shows up for a job interview in the middle of Alberta.

The foreman can tell right away by how he talks and thinks to himself, "Oh no, I don't want to hire a Newfoundlander.." so he comes up with an idea on the spot;

"Before I hire you, I want to see if you can pass a quick cognitive test. I'll give you a pen and paper, and you try to abstractly d...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

The tale of the fly and the lake

Once upon a time, at a small lake in the forest, a little fly was hovering over the calm waters, close to the water's edge.

Unbeknownst to it, a carp spotted the little insect from under the water's surface, and thought to itself:

*"If you fly just a little lower, buddy, I can just jum...

What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?

Beer Nuts are $1.50 a pound. Deer Nuts are under a Buck

A farmer was taking a nap under grains and was arrested for perjury

For lying under oats

A Joke My Brain Told Me

As I was waking up from jumbled dreams this morning, I heard my brain telling this joke with no conscious input from me. I had to flesh out some details, but the gist of it is more or less what I remember. Of course, I have heard similar jokes, but this is my brain's spontaneous version.

A gu...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

Tortoise and Rabbit. Antagonist view.

A different insight into the story of hare and tortoise:-

E๐’—๐’†๐’“๐’š๐’๐’๐’† ๐’•๐’‰๐’“๐’๐’–๐’ˆ๐’‰๐’๐’–๐’• ๐’•๐’‰๐’† ๐’˜๐’๐’“๐’๐’… ๐’‰๐’‚๐’” ๐’Œ๐’†๐’‘๐’• ๐’ˆ๐’Š๐’—๐’Š๐’๐’ˆ ๐’•๐’‰๐’† ๐’†๐’™๐’‚๐’Ž๐’‘๐’๐’† ๐’๐’‡ ๐‘ป๐’๐’“๐’•๐’๐’Š๐’”๐’†โ€ฆ ๐‘บ๐’‚๐’š๐’Š๐’๐’ˆ ๐’•๐’‰๐’‚๐’• ๐’”๐’๐’๐’˜ ๐’‚๐’๐’… ๐’”๐’•๐’†๐’‚๐’…๐’š ๐’˜๐’Š๐’๐’” ๐’•๐’‰๐’† ๐’“๐’‚๐’„๐’†, ๐’‚๐’๐’… ๐’†๐’Ž๐’‘๐’‰๐’‚๐’”๐’Š๐’›๐’Š๐’๐’ˆ...

A Kirby guy on a hot dayโ€ฆ

A door to door salesman was walking down a street in a very hot day, when he came across a pair of little girls selling lemonade.

Taking a break, he buys a big glass and goes to sit under a large elm tree.

Suddenly, he hears a guy yell โ€œNice suit buddy, did you buy it at the goodwill s...

A nurse was dating a doctor and got pregnant.

The married doctor begged her to keep it a secret and asked her to keep away from public eye.

Nine months later,she came to the hospital for delivery.

At the same moment, a priest was admitted for having a large cyst in his prostate gland .

The doctor had an idea. He sedates the...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

The voodoo dildo

An old joke probably a repost, one of the few jokes I remember.

A woman went to town for shopping and she found this newagey shop. Curious she went in and looked around when she saw this huge dildo sitting in a corner behind some stuff. She asked the shopowner about it and he told her it's a ...

The psychologist said that children at a certain mental age believe that everybody knows what theyโ€™re thinking.

He used a doll to prove his point.

He placed a crayon box filled with candles on the table in front of the child. He then asked the child what was in the box. Of course the child answered crayons.

Then the psychologist opened the box to show the child that the box contained not cray...

The bear the moose and the wolf.

A bear, a wolf, and a moose fall into a trapping pit
After a couple days with no food, the moose sees the wolf and bear whispering to each other.

The wolf turns to the moose and says "Look, the bear and I are both carnivores. It's been a couple days without food. You understand, right?"...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

2 whale friends are swimming in the ocean

After a while, they spot a boat and one of the whales goes 'hey! That's the boat that harpooned my father!'

'We have to avenge him!' said the other whale.

So they decided to swim under the boat and blow out of their blowholes at the same time, so the boat would capsize and the men wo...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

Man walks in with a sheep under his arm.

So a man walks into his house with a sheep under his arm. Looks at his wife and says.

"This is the pig im fuckin when im not fuckin you"

She laughs and says.

"You idiot, thats a sheep not a pig.."

The man smiles and says.

"I was talking to the sheep"

What do you call your home under the full moon?

A warehouse!

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