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Type Jokes

What Asian stereo type do you hear the most?

Personally I’ve got a Yamaha surround sound system.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

4 types of orgasm...

Do you know that there are 4 types of orgasm… the Holy Orgasm, The Positive Orgasm, the Negative Orgasm and the Fake Orgasm.
The Holy Orgasm sounds like ‟Oh God, oh god…”
The Positive Orgasm goes ‟Yes, yes, oh yes, ”
The Negative Orgasm goes ‟no, no, oh no”
and the fake orgasm, the fa...

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What type of elf is the rudest?

A go fuck yourself

My grandfather died because the report said he had Type-A blood

Unfortunately it was a Type-O

What do you call someone with both Type 1 and Type 2 Diabetes

Ambidextrose

In Pokemon, I never understood why bug types were supereffective against dark types.

But then I thought about malaria in Africa and it all made sense.

I told the paramedics the wrong blood type for my ex

Now she'll know what rejection feels like

What is the most popular type of tree in California?

Ash.

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A Man Buys His Wife A Special Type Of Dildo

A man was looking around a sex store searching for a special sex toy to buy his wife so that she won't screw around on him while he is away on a business trip for a few weeks.

After not finding anything special he asks the old man working the store.

The old man replies "Well there is...

Three engineers are arguing what type of engineer God is

The first says, "God is a mechanical engineer. Look at how we manipulate our arms, legs, lungs, and how blood flows through our bodies. God is a mechanical engineer."

The second says, "No. God is an electrical engineer. Our nervous system, heart, brain. Everything is run by electrical impulse...

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There are only two types of people worse than racists

The blacks and the jews

There are two type of countries.

Those that use the metric system and those that have been to the moon and have recreated nuclear fusion.

What type of joke is the best joke?

A Communist joke, because everyone gets it.

What is the most dangerous type of canoes?

Volcanoes

There are only 10 types of people

- Those that understand binary
- Those that don't understand binary

Doctor: I think the patient is dying. What’s his blood type?

Nurse: B positive.

Doctor: Okay. I think the patient is going to make it.

I asked the gym trainer what type of machine i should use to get the best looking women

He said the ATM outside

What's Whitney Houston's favorite type of coordination?

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYEEEEEEEEE

In Ancient Rome there were 4 types of poison...

Poison I, II, III, would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.
However poison IV would make you really itchy.

A soldier survived mustard gas in battle, and then pepper spray by the police. What type of veteran is he?

A seasoned veteran.

There are two types of people in this world:

Those who can infer from insufficient information,

What's Whitney Houstons's favourite type of co-ordination?

HAND-EEEEEYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEE

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There's two types of people in the world.

People who look good naked, and people who go to nude beaches.

What are a kidnappers favorite type of shoes?

White Vans.

Types of birds.

What bird brings babies? A stork. What bird prevents babies? A swallow

What type of shoe does Captain Hook hate the most?

Crocs

My dad died when we couldn't remember his blood type.

As he died, he kept saying "be positive"

I'll try but it's hard without him.

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If you're the type of person who hoards magazines...

... you probably have a lot of issues.

(This is not a joke) I'm a linguistic researcher that is working on the semiotic of jokes and need help to find exemples of a particular type of joke.

Hi, I hope this is not against the rules but I need help for a research paper centered around jokes, and this obviously looks like a good place for that.

I am working on linguistic structuralism to try to find the linguistic value of surprise in a joke. (I'm simplifying a lot, but i can expla...

Two high school graduates are discussing their future college plans. The first says "I'm planning on going into farming, it's what my father did and it makes good money." The second asks "What type of farming? Wheat, corn, livestock?"

"I don't know man, there are so many fields to choose from."

I accidentally typed my symptoms into IMDB instead of WebMD

and found out I have Gary Busey

There are 10 types of people in the world

The ones who understand binary and the ones who don't. And apparently eight more the guy wouldn't tell me about. Smug git

What's Jesus' Myers-Briggs personality type?

INRI

I didn’t think I had a type.

Turns out it’s called ‘women who already have boyfriends’

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dad, how many types of boobs are there?

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father "Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?"

The father, suprised, answers "Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, her breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice and hang...

You can relax a person with a type-A personality by removing their type-P traits...

I'm telling you, remove the P-ness from their A-ness and they calm right down

What is the one type of person that will never get angry?

A nomad.

TIL Type O blood was actually meant to be Type Zero blood, due to lack of glycoproteins in the red blood cells. It was misread as type "O".

I guess you can call it a typo.

What’s an Indian person’s favorite type of book?

Naan-fiction.

If I got $1 every time a woman said I was't her type,

I'd be her type.

Babies are like flying type Pokémon

They’re strong against bugs, but weak against rocks and electricity.

What blood type are newspaper editors?

Typo Negative

There are three types of people

the people who can count, and the people who can’t

What is the most selfish type of bomb?

A mine!

What is the most selfish bomb found on land?

>!A landmine!!<

What is the most selfish one for water?

>!Nestle!!<

what type of blood do ghosts donate?

plasma

What is Donald Trumps favourite type of clothing

Russian Ties

What is Medusa's favorite type of cheese?

Gorgonzola

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What type of bees produce milk?

Boobees.

What's the scariest type of algebra?

BOO-lean

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is the cheapest type of meat?

Deer testicles. They're under a buck.

What's Han Solo's favorite type of video game?

First person shooter.

The last time I was someone's type.

I was donating blood.

What are the Scottish' favorite type of bread?

Gaelic Bread

What type of underwear does Lara Croft wear?

Fruit of the tomb

What type of books never get read?

I've a lot of books on procrastination. I didn't find the time to read them.

I've a lot of books on memory trouble. I don't know where they are.

I've a lot of books on anger management. They're all damaged.

I've a lot of books on DIY Furniture repairs. They serve as legs of tabl...

What type of flour do orphans use for baking?

Self-raising flour.

What type of eagle do you see at a beach?

A seagull.

Compliments of my 4-year-old

I invented a new type of car...

Me: "I invented a new car. It's powered by silence!"


My friend: "Wow, this is going to revolutionize the industry!"


Me: "Yeah, it goes without saying."

What’s Whitney Houston’s favourite type of coordination?

HAAAAND EEEEEEEEEYYYYEEE!

It’s my cake day humour me.

There are 10 types of people in this world.

Those who thought they knew what the punchline would be, and those who are now searching for the original joke.

Which type of loan does an introvert prefer?

A leave me alone.

Three people walk into a bar. The first has type B blood. The Second type A blood. The third type P blood.

The person with type P blood says to the bartender, "I think I'm a type O"

Why do Women and Children evacuate first during any type of disaster

So men can think of solutions in silence

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Names for different types of Golf shots.

There have been a number of humorous names for different types of golf shots, and I was wondering if anyone had heard of any more. Some examples:

Rock Hudson - A putt that looked straight, but wasn't.

Princess Grace - Should have used a driver, but didn't.

Princess Diana - Use...

What is Sherlock Holmes' favorite type of rock?

Sedimentary, my dear Watson.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There are 10 types of people in this world.

\- Those who understand binary

\- Those who don't

\- Those who didn't expect this joke to be in Base 3

\- Those who didn't expect this joke to be in Base 4

\- Those who didn't expect this joke to be in Base 5

\- Those who are pissed off at me right about now<...

Which type of birds always stick together ?

Velcrows

What type of tree does a Satanist get for Christmas?

A Lucy Fir

A Teacher asked her young students to get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day, the kids came back and one by one, began to tell their stories. There were all the regular type of stuff.

But then the teacher realized that only Janie was left. "Janie, do you have a story to share ?'
''Yes madam......My daddy told me a story about my Mom "
"OK, let's hear" said the teacher.

"My Mom was a Marine pilot in Operation Desert Storm in Iraq and her plane got hit".
"She had t...

What type of underpants do lawyers wear?

Legal briefs.

What type of liquid makes a waterbed the bounciest?

Spring water

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What type of bee makes milk instead of honey?

Boobies!

Types of deodorant

I went to store and asked for some deodorant.

The cashier asked "Do you want the roll on ball type?"

I said "No thanks, I want it for under my arms."

What type of fuel do painters prefer?

Whatever makes the van gogh..


-id like to mention, for what its worth, that this is an original joke (as stupid as it is), which i thought of independently. I was and am proud of it. If anyone finds it somewhere else please burst my bubble.

What type of wine do traders drink?

ImPORT/ ExPORT

Q anon conspiracy types must be absolutely fuming

they were promised a storm...

...and in the end all they got was a 'lil wayne.

I'm here all week.

To all the people who type "u" instead of "you" ...

What exactly do you do with all the extra time you saved?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is Hitler's favorite type of food?

Not Seafood

What's the spookiest data type?

***Boo***\-lean!

Pikachu is type electric, Charmander is type fire

Snorlax is type 2 diabetic

I'll show myself to the door.

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood.

She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The ma...

What's every men favourite type of tea?

Tea Tea's

There are two types of puns.

The great puns, which are great to hear, and the grate puns, which grate your ears.

What type of music does Santa’s elves listen to while working?

Rap music.

There’s a new “Door Dash” type service for cocaine.

It’s called “Insta Gram.”

What's the best type of dog to bring to a library?

A hush puppy

What is a lemur's favorite type of make-up?

Madagascara

What is the dwarfs favorite type of cake?

Shortcake.

Which type of people are the world's fastest readers [DARK HUMOUR]

9/11 victims. They went through more than 50 stories in 10 seconds.

Did you know there is a very rare type of milk?

I don't know the name of it but my Dad has been looking for it for years.

Blood type

A priest, a minister and a Rabbit walk together into the blood donation centre.
The nurse asks “What’s your blood type?”
The Rabbit says “I’m probably a Type O”.

what's a Mexicans favourite type of joke?

Juan liners

What type of shoes do bananas wear.

Slippers

What is a zombie's favorite type of weather?

A brainstorm.

Friend : I have got Diabetes type 1

Me : 1

He blocked me, no idea what wrong I did.

There are 3 types of people.

1. People who know how to make good jokes.
2. People who know how to make good lists.

What type of computer does Ronald McDonald use?

A big mac

What type of salad did they serve on the Titanic?

Iceberg lettuce.

What type of plant is most satisfying to own?

A succ-you-lent

I'm the outdoor type.

As soon as a woman mentions commitment, I'm out the door.

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