A local business was looking for office help. They put a sign in the window saying: "HELP WANTED. Must be able to type, must be good with a computer and must be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer."

A short time afterwards, a dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign and went inside. He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign, looked at it and whined. Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office manager. The office manager looked at the dog and was sur...

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4 types of orgasm...

Do you know that there are 4 types of orgasm… the Holy Orgasm, The Positive Orgasm, the Negative Orgasm and the Fake Orgasm.
The Holy Orgasm sounds like ‟Oh God, oh god…”
The Positive Orgasm goes ‟Yes, yes, oh yes, ”
The Negative Orgasm goes ‟no, no, oh no”
and the fake orgasm, the fa...

There are 10 types of people that understand binary

Those who don't and those who do

What’s Whitney Houston’s favorite type of coordination?

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND EYEEYEEEEEEEEE

What type of image formats do lion photographers use?

RAWR

There are 2 types of people in this world:

Those who can extrapolate from incomplete datasets

What’s Whitney Houston’s favourite type of coordination?

HAAAAND EEEEEEEEEYYYYEEE!

It’s my cake day humour me.

What type of computer does Ronald McDonald use?

A big mac

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's 007's favorite type of sex?

Bondage

Blood type

A priest, a minister and a Rabbit walk together into the blood donation centre.
The nurse asks “What’s your blood type?”
The Rabbit says “I’m probably a Type O”.

Q anon conspiracy types must be absolutely fuming

they were promised a storm...

...and in the end all they got was a 'lil wayne.

I'm here all week.

There are 10 types of people in the world.

01010100 01101000 01100101 01110010 01100101 00100000 01100001 01110010 01100101 00100000 00110001 00110000 00100000 01110100 01111001 01110000 01100101 01110011 00100000 01101111 01100110 00100000 01110000 01100101 01101111 01110000 01101100 01100101 00100000 01101001 01101110 00100000 01110100 011...

The other day I was travelling down one of those spiral type car parks. As I set off, on the top floor, I spotted someone smashing a car window and attempting to steal the radio. On the 2nd floor I saw a youth key right down the side of another car.

On the bottom floor, I saw a couple throw a load of rubbish out of their car window....I couldn't believe my eyes.


It was just wrong on so many levels!

What is a nun's favourite type of cheese?

Swiss cheese, cuz they're holey

There’s 4 different types of human skin

One skin, two skin, three skin and...

Why do doctors make more money from circumcisions than other types of procedures?

It's the only procedure in which they collect tips!

What type of sandals do frogs wear?

Open-toad.

There are two types of people

People who can focus long enough to finish their joke

What type of joke is the best joke?

A Communist joke, because everyone gets it.

I filled out a form wrong and accidentally gave a patient a bag of the wrong blood type.

It was a Type-O

A contractor offered his client a choice of table tops made of various rock types.

Contractor: Here we’ve got some limestone. It’ll really bring the room together, man.

Client: I’m not too sure about that. It doesn’t wow me all that much.

Contractor: Well, I’ve got marble here. It’s pretty unique and could give you that one of a kind look you’re wanting.

Clien...

When people type something wrong it is called a typo.

So if I say something wrong is it called a talko?

The butcher had over 20 types of cured cylindrical meat for sale.

I never sausage a selection.

What type of burger isn't allowed on the titanic?

An iceburger

What type of tree fits in the palm of your hand?

A seedling


If you thought a palm tree... well... I don’t know what to tell you

What type of shoes do bananas wear?

Slippers

There are two types of people.

Some people only see black and white and refuse to acknowledge shades and complex non-straightforward situations, and the others... no, wait, I've changed my mind.

There are 3 types of humor

The good
The bad
The funny

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What type of bee's make milk not honey?

Boobies

My 5 year olds favourite joke

What is a kidnapper’s favorite type of shoe?

White Vans

(courtesy of my dark-humored step-kiddo)

SpaceX have developed a new type of rocket that can fly to the moon in record-breaking time.

It's a regular rocket, with "GME" written on it.

There are two types of people in the world.

1. The kind that can extrapolate from missing data

What's a dog's favourite type of pasta?

Wagliataile

What is a 4 letter word that can be used to describe a particular type of woman which ends in U-N-T?

Aunt

What type of music can’t ginger people listen to?

Soul

What type of flower do you buy an orphan?

Self Raising

My dad died last year when my family couldn't remember his blood type in time for the paramedics to give him a blood transfusion.

As he was dying he kept insisting, "Be positive!", but it's difficult to be positive without him.

In Ancient Rome, there were 4 types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.

However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.

What's Iron Man's favorite type of housework?

Hoovering

After my 2nd annual mathletes championship I’ve noticed there are 3 types of people..

Those who can count and those who can’t.

What is the most common type of wine in the Philippines?

Filipinot Noir

What type of mineral makes people sneeze?

Gesundhite

I will never know my Dad's blood type

Last thing he told be was "Be Positive"

If I got $1 every time a woman said I was't her type

I'd be her type.

What's a guitarist favour type of cheese?

Shredded cheese

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This holiday season I'm just looking for a nice girl. A girl-next-door type who is just sweet, caring, smart, and funny...

Someone I can laugh with, you know? Someone who is there for me. Just a kind, and loving individual with absolutely massive tits. Is that so much to ask for?

What's your favorite asian stereo type?

Personally, I love sony sound system with surround sound.

They say certain types of people can resist a good click bait.

Apparently you aren’t one of them.

What do llamas type when they are laughing?

Llamao

What type of school did Sherlock Holmes go to as a kid?

Elementary my dear Watson

Storks bring babies, but do you know what type of birds prevent babies?

Swallows...

What type of flour do orphans like?

Self-raising

There are two types of countries in this world.....

Those that use the metric system, and those that have set foot on the moon.

What types of large PC's do McDonalds workers use?

Big Macs

What type of energy Hell runs on?

‘Sin’ergy

Guess which type of society is the happiest?

Nomads.

What type of tree sings the best?

A karaoaky

What's the worst type of stoner?

The religious ones who throw rocks when someone does something that the religious people don't like.

There are 2 types of people in this world....

1) People who think the government is looking out for their best interests.

2) People who think.

My Canadian girlfriend's blood type is very rare

" EH +"

What type of illness do passengers going through La Guardia airport get?

‘Terminal’ illness

There are two types of people

Those who have a verry short attention span..

A pig walks into a bar and orders ten beers.

As soon as the pig is finished drinking the beers, he pays the bartender and starts to leave the bar.

"Wait!" says the bartender. "You drank so much beer. Wouldn't it be wise to use the bathroom before leaving?"

"Not for me," says the pig. "I'm the type of pig that goes wee wee wee all...

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There are two types of men in this world

Those who have tried to suck their dick, and liars

There are two types of people that I hate the most.

One, there are racists;

the other, there are creepy, disgusting blue-skinned elves who are the enemy to the humankind.

Why do Women and Children evacuate first during any type of disaster

So men can think of solutions in silence

What is Santa’s favorite type of music?

Wrap.

There are 10 types of people -

-The ones who count in base 10

-The ones who count in base 1010

What type of words have two u's

I don't know but they must be unique

What type of orange juice do people with ADHD have trouble drinking?

Concentrate!

What type of shoes do amphibians wear?

Open toad

Credits to my Google Assistant

What type of glasses do gingerbread man wear?

Eye Candy

What type of arthritis disproportionately affects Canadians?

Psorryatic arthritis.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What type of elf is the rudest?

A go fuck yourself

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Friendly reminder to all Redditors to buy the extra virgin type of products if available

Because we all need something that we can relate to.

What type of EMTs will touch up your makeup on the way to the hospital?

Cos-medics

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three surgeons are dicussing which types of patients they prefer.

First surgeon says, ''I prefer engineers. When you cut them open, all their organs are so well arranged.''

Second surgeon says, ''I prefer painters. They are so colourful from inside.''

The third one pauses and says, ''I prefer lawyers since they are the easiest to operate on. Not only...

Autocorrect keeps ducking up my joke every time I try to type it here for all of you.

Is it because of the fowl language?

What type of bird creates an only fan's?

An Ea-gle....

One wind turbine asks another, "What type of music do you like?"

The second turbine replies "I'm a huge metal fan!"

What is Snoop Doggie Dogs favorite type of weather?

Drizzle

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Chefs make the most temporal type of art.

Within hours, it’s total shit.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man was in a long line at the supermarket. As he got to the checkout he realized he had forgotten to get condoms.

So he asked the checkout girl if she could have some condoms brought up to register.

She asked, “What size condoms?” The customer replied that he didn’t know. She asked him to drop his pants. He did, and she reached over the counter, grabbed hold of him, then picked up the store intercom and ...

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I overheard my neighbor say she had a shitty day, so I anonymously sent her a meat lover’s pizza

She’s a vegan and I hate her fucking guts

Did you hear about the programmer who got sent to prison for using the wrong types in his C programs?

He's going to prison for a long long time_t.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dad, how many types of boobs are there?

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father "Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?"

The father, suprised, answers "Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, her breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice and hang...

I told the ambulance men the wrong blood type for my ex

Now she'll know what rejection feels like...

Ever since I was a little boy, I’ve learned that there are four types of matter. Solid, liquid, gas, and...

Black lives

What type of car does Tarzan drive?

A Mazda tree to tree.

What's Sheldon Cooper's favorite type of pasta?

*knock knock knock* Penne
*knock knock knock* Penne
*knock knock knock* Penne

What are some good Asian stereo types?

I like Sony and Yamaha.

I refuse to listen to music on new types of music players.

I guess I just have an 8-track mind.

What type of particles does an IKEA emit?

Futons

The girl at the top of my class compared me to the worst type of cookie...

I asked them: What do you mean? How am I like the worst type of cookie?

They responded: Well, you look like you're sweet but you're really just a raisin

I looked at them puzzled, and said: Oh? You meant oatmeal raisin, I thought you meant another type of cookie

They made a confu...

Why don't vampires use autocorrect?

Because they love Type Os

There's a new type of stone which turns Eevee into a Ghost-type

It's called a brick.

While visiting a distant relative I hadn't visited in years, I asked my mom's cousin George for his Wi-Fi password. He said, "Start with an uppercase S, then 123."

As soon as George had left to do an errand, I tried to log onto his Wi-Fi. But every time I typed S123, it wouldn't work. After two hours of failure, George came back.

I told him, "I used the password you told me to use, but it never worked! can you log onto the Wi-Fi for me?" George typed th...

There are two types of people on Indian roads

Traffic Police and a beggar.
One doesn't leave you until you give some money and other is the begger.
I told this joke to my friend and he was offended because his father was a traffic police. Then we settled the dispute for 25 dollars

Pretty sure it's original, very rough edges type joke. Input welcome.

A man decides to open his own Plant Nursery. After a few months his business starts going under so he goes to apply for a loan
The loan officer goes to the place of business and asks a couple questions
"sir do you have a background in the study of plants?"
"No, I just got this company on a ...

There are 3 types of people

Them: "the glass is half full"

Others: "the glass is half empty"

Me: "they didn't get my order right"

What is the fastest type of wind?

A Hurrycane

What type of flower grows in the surface of the sun?

An Ultra-Violet

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