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Variation Jokes

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Translation of the Bulgarian variation of the 1st day of school joke.

It's the 1st day of school at an American Middle School.

The teacher introduces the new student - Takiro Suzuki from Japan.

Class starts and she says:

- Now we will see if you know your history. Who said "Give me liberty, or give me death!"?

No one knows b...

Funny variations of this tough guy quote

"Some people are like an old TV

They need to be hit a few times before they get the picture"



"Some people are like pasta

They're hard until things get heated and then they go soft"



And that's all I've got, if you have any share below.

Variation inspiration

Saw a joke the other day:
" A logician's wife is pregnant and giving birth. The doctor delivers and hands the baby to the logician. His wife, beaming with pride, asked: 'Is it a boy or girl?' The logician replied, 'Yes.' "
That immediately made me think of this variation:
" A Statistician's...

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A slight variation of an old joke

One day a man who had just gone through a very bitter divorce was walking on the beach. He notices something glittering in the sand and digs it out and holds it up. It appeared to be a gold, antique teapot. He rubbed it with his sleeve to brush the sand off and suddenly in a puff of smoke, a genie a...

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Just heard this variation on an oldie!

A hat maker was trying to sell his hats on a hot summers day. After having no luck for 4 hours under the sun, he decided to take a short rest underneath a gigantic tree. He set his briefcase of hats down, took one out to cover his face, and laid down on the grass. With the shade from his hat and the...

Variation of the hot air balloon joke

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment.

Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position and course to fly to the airport. The pilot saw a...

I went to a disco last night (variation)

The DJ said, "Sing with me". I sang with him.
The DJ said, "Put your hands together". I put my hands together while singing along.

The DJ said, "Come on everyone". I was thrown out of the Disco.

why do monarchs feel so important?

Because small changes in their initial conditions can lead to large-scale and unpredictable variation in the future state of the system.

This joke has various variations, I'll tell you this one...

One day John comes home to see his blonde gurlfriend sitting in front of a glass with 8 little spiders inside. He asks, "Babe, what's going on? You caught 8 spiders?"


She replies, "yes"


"what are you going to do with them?"


"Im going to eat them"

<...

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Variations of a nail joke. (Heard at a Ren Faire, modified)

The Goldman Nails company is trying to bolster business. They start a contest to create an advertisement for the business. The first submission is from an older lady.

It starts with a man with a beard in a white robe hammering away at wood. The shot pulls back to reveal an massive wooden s...

I took a class recently on the history of food preservation.

In the early days, metal containers were the cheapest and easiest to make, so almost all food was stored in cans. Tin was a particularly soft and easy to mold/shape, and didn’t rust like other options, so most preserved food cans were made of tin.

Things went great for a while, with some food...

50 Jokes for 50 US States Part II

# Alaska

An Alaskan was on trial in Anchorage. The prosecutor leaned menacingly toward him and asked, 'Where were you on the night of October to April?'

Disclaimer: This is not my joke. And I sure hope that its not a repost from any of the subs. I am sure that there will be numerous va...

A physicist, an engineer, and a statistician go hunting...

The three see a buck a little distance away.

The physicist makes a quick, back-of-the-envelope calculation, assuming an ideal bullet and neglecting wind resistance, and then fires. The bullet lands 10 meters in front of the buck.

The engineer has been doing his own calculations, adding...

50 Jokes for 50 US States

# ALABAMA

When a visitor to a town in Alabama spotted a dog attacking a boy, he grabbed the animal and throttled it with his bare hands. An impressed reporter saw the incident and told him the next day's headline would scream "Valiant Local Man Saves Child by Killing Vicious Animal."

'...

Some laws that we didn't learn at school

01. *LORENZ'S LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR*

Once your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.

02. *ANTHONY'S LAW OF THE WORKSHOP*

Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

03. *KOVAC'S CONUNDRUM*

When u dial a wrong numbe...

I found a website that steals jokes from Reddit.

I know they are doing it because I kept seeing variations of the same joke repeated over and over again.

50 Jokes for 50 US States Part V

# California

The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) and the Central Intelligence Agency (CIA) want to see who is the best at catching perps. So, a rabbit is released into the forest, and each of them has to catch it.

In goes CIA. They place...

"Dad, how did you come up with my brother's name, 'Legab'?"

"Is it a variation of 'Gabriel' or something?"

"Ah... no sweetie. As you know, your Mom loves bagels so we decided to play with that word".

"Oh... ok. Thanks, Dad!"

"You're welcome, Lana".

Reproductive biology

A human reproductive biology professor is lecturing to his class on the physical act of intercourse.

“There are 74 known positions of penetrating intercourse that may lead to impregnation of the female.”

Student in front row interrupts. “Pardon Monsieur, but there are 75.”

“Now ...

God thought long and hard what to name the period of time when the sun was not visible...

Finally, after many hours of trying different sounds and variations he named it night.

But when naming the opposite, he was exhaust and called it a day.

An artist, an architect, and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to have a wife or a mistress.

The architect said that it was better to have a wife, because you could build the relationship on a firm foundation.

The artist said that no, it was better to have a mistress, because the freedom allowed endless variations.

The engineer said that it was best to have both a wife and a m...

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What did the butt plug say to the other butt plug.

Nothing because the were both up tight assholes.



A variation on the Tampon classic (i.e. they were stuck up cunts). Sorry if this has been done, it just occured to me as I was walking down the street.

How many redditors does it take to write an original joke?

Three. One to repost the top joke from yesterday, one to write a unique variation of the joke in the comments, and one to post "the real joke is always in the comments" to alert other redditors where to find the original joke.

How many redditers does it take....

To tell yet another light bulb joke?

One to tell the joke, and 53421 to post the same or minor variations of it.

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My grandmother said her knee was tender...

But she's a fucking liar. I've been to a dozen different places, and no one will accept it as payment.



(I'm sure this joke or some variation has been told before, but I've never seen it on here and I just thought of it and had to post it. :)

A tenured math professor handed out the blue books for an exam.

Considering he's given a variation of this test over the past 15 years, he didn't expect any surprises. As usual, all the students finished within the hour.

While grading the tests later that day, he came across an unusual response. As he opened the front cover, a $100 bill fell out to reveal...

The story of Arthur Nelson

Arthur Nelson is one of the least known pioneers of professional wrestling. He invented many of the submission holds that we still see today, and two of them bear his name: the half Nelson and the full Nelson. According to numerous sources, he also created many of the variations of the chokehold....

The Chinese Premier, along with the South Korean and Indonesia President Went to See God

In 1975, Zhou Enlai, Park Chung-hee, and Suharto came before God to ask a question.

Zhou Enlai went first: "God, when will my country become prosperous?"

God replied: "30 more years".

Zhou Enlai wept because he knew he will never see it in his lifetime. Indeed, he would pass awa...

The similarity is uncanny

I recently learned about the movie/book The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants.

It's the story of a group of girls who discover a piece of clothing. At first, it seems pretty ordinary, but it has magical properties, to include magically resizing itself, thus fitting everyone, despite some cons...

Stellar objects and radio waves?

I always wondered, when hearing stellar bodies like pulsars, quasars and black holes emit radio waves, the following:

1) Are these waves akin to AM/FM/VHF/UHF type signals in that they transmit signals and sound?
2) If not, are these "waves" just variations in the redshift of hydrogen?
...

A horse walks into a bar...

and the bartender says why the long face?

(Old I know)

But I've heard so many variations on that one. What others are there?

There was this guy working at McDonald’s.

and it was his turn to cook the French fries. So he put the frozen fries in the metal basket and dipped it in the oil. You see this guy was a veteran chef and used to be able to sense when food was cooked by looking at it's color or by smelling it, he never needed a timer or a meat thermometer or an...

A man stumbles into r/Jokes

He looks around, refreshing his window, switching from hot to new, from new to top. His face furrows in disgust.

"These aren't even clever, they're just repetitive, poorly executed punchlines with variations in the setup in order to get karma quick."

He calls over his eleven year old s...

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Rectum, damn near killed him!

I always hear this punchline, without the build up part. What are some variations on this classic joke?

An Englishman, a Frenchman, and an Israeli are having lunch...

An Englishman, a Frenchman, and an Israeli are having lunch. They get to talking about which civilization was the most technologically advanced.

The Englishman proclaims, "Surely England was the most technologically advanced nation. Why, our archaeologists dug 1,000 meters into the earth un...

Billy the ant scientist.

Once there was a mad scientist named Billy obsessed with experimenting on ants. For the this he earned the nickname "Ant billy" Billy ant" or "that weird ant dude" or variations there of and was generally considered a laughingstock of the town.

Determined to not be such a goddamn failure anym...

Marital Misunderstanding

Wife's Diary:

Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late but he made no comment on it.

Conversation wasn't flo...

Carruthers and Blenkinsop have been lost in the desert for many days, and they just finished the last of their water that morning.

Blenkinsop says "Carruthers, old chap, to be perfectly honest it looks like we're finished," and Carruthers says "You're probably right, old fellow, but never say die, what? You never know what's over the next sand-dune."

Prophetic words, for over the next sand dune they spy what appears to b...

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Two guys and a snake ....

This is a true story.
Two good friends, Jerry and Ralph, were out walking in the desert one day when Jerry goes off behind a cactus to take a leak. While he's draining his bladder a snake leaps up and bites him on the end of his dick. Ralph on hearing Jerry's scream runs over and says, "What ha...

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3 explorers are lost in the amazon...

...and are found by tribe known to be unfriendly to outsiders. The 3 explorers are bound and brought before the chief. The great chief, with the whole village watching, declares the explorers each have a choice... Death! or Bulla Bulla! The first explorer looks at the other two and says, "well, n...

There was this musician in North Korea....

One day he was called upon by Kim Jong Un to compose a piece of music and have the Great North Korean Orchestra play it live to him in the Humble Auditorium.

The musician, not wanting to displease the Great Leader, did as he asked and got to work composing a piece of music. One week later, on...

Random acts of nature

An international aid worker was volunteering at a small remote village in Africa. He was the only outsider the villagers have ever seen. But after awhile, they welcomed him into their homes.

The village chief had a beautiful daughter that had caught the eye of this worker. Everyday she would...

The Crunch Bird

There are many variations on this joke, including an old cartoon from the 1960s or 70s. This is just the version I remember off the top of my head:
A woman walks into a pet store looking for a new pet. After a few minutes of browsing around, she's not impressed by what she finds. She's about t...

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Curious George goes to a bar

A man and his monkey went into a bar,

On his shoulder was the monkey, he went not far.

Shooting pool all day long was what the man did,

The monkey watched as balls cross the table slid.



And then in a flash the small monkey ran down,

Then he picked up the ...

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