What’s Satan’s favorite font?

Hellvetica.

What was Mussolini's least favourite font?

Parti sans.

Did you hear they changed the font of alphabet soup?

Now it is Times New Ramen

A font walks into a bar.

The bartender says "Sorry, we don't serve your type here."

What's Robin Hood's least favourite font?

The Serif of Nottingham

Four fonts walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here!"

What font do they use under the sea?

Ariel

The Chief of Police died responding to people changing fonts on town signs

There we were, left sans-sheriff

The one who created the memes font really changed the world.

I mean, he really made an Impact.

In my credit card statement there was an extra 666$ charge written in tiny fonts ...

As usual, the devil is in the details ...

I like my woman like I like my font

Calibri, 12.

What's a french criminal's favourite font?

Sans Sheriff

I like my women how I like my font

18 and **bold**

There something I don't like about the tree in my font yard.

Seems kinda shady!

A good looking font walks into a bar and approaches a woman.

She looks at him and says "keep walking. You're not my type".

Two fonts walk into a bar and the bartender says "Hey, we don't serve fonts here!"

But they sat down anyways because they were **bold**.

What font was used on Wyatt Earp's tombstone?

Sans Sheriff.

Why are the "sans" family of fonts so serious?

No one wants to be comic sans.

What did one font say to the other while at the beach?

"Serifs up, dude!"

[Rogue One Spoilers] What is the empire's favorite kind of font?

Sans Scarif

What is the Dothraki font of choice?

Kaleebri

Two fonts walked into a bar...

The bartender said: "Sorry, we don't want your type in here."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

AN IRISH GHOST STORY

This story happened a while ago near Kells, County Meath, and even though it sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock tale... it's true.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
John Reilly, a Cavan man studying in UCD, was on the side of the road hitchhiking back to Dublin on a very dark night and in the midst of a big storm. ...

The Leaning Tower of Pisa actually isn't leaning.

...they just built it in Italic font.

A Computer walks into a bar...

Looking around, it spots an older but rather attractive printer sitting alone in the corner.

The computer approaches the printer and says, "Hey good lookin. What's your font?".

Annoyed, the printer gets up and starts heading for the door, "It appears that it's time for my carriage t...

Did you hear about the long-sighted baptist?

He had to use a large font.

Is it possible to have the word ‘and’ five times in a row in an English sentence, while still being grammatically correct?

A man had just bought a pub, The Fox and Hound, and wanted a big new sign for it outside, so that potential customers would know that it was under new management and come a try it out.

So, he contracted a sign-maker to make the sign for him. A week later, the sign-maker came back to him with ...

A Therapist is complaining to his friend about not having any clients

His friend replies it may have something to do with putting his profession on the office door in such large font that it had to be broken into two words.

A woman goes to a church and confesses to the priest there. "Bless me father, for I have sinned. I have seen another man's privates."

The priest tells her, "For your penance, say one Our Father, two Hail Mary's, and wash your face with holy water."

Another woman walks in and tells the priest, "Bless me father, for I have sinned. I have touched another man's privates."

The priest replies, "Say two Our Father's, fiv...

"Excuse me, is this pool stirred up by angels and imbued with healing properties?"

"No, Sir, I'm afraid this font is sans-Seraph."

The Kings English

I take it you already know Of tough and bough and cough and dough? Others may stumble, but not you, On hiccough, thorough, slough and through.

Beware of heard, a dreadful word, That looks like beard but sounds like bird.

And dead: It’s said like bed, not bead -- For goodness’ sake, don...

If an angel statue is removed from a fountain...

...would that make it a sans seraph font?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A line of nuns are waiting to get into heaven....

Saint Peter is there, ticking off names, a font full of holy water beside him.
As each nun gets to the front of the line, he asks her,

"While on earth, did you ever have contact with a penis?"

"No" of course is the majority answer.

Eventually, one admits, "Well, once I touch...

I posted my resume off to a company...

I posted my resume off to the company I wanted to work for, but it came back the next day attached to a note that said I wasn't clear enough, my font was indecipherable and my word choice poor. I knew something had to be done.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

4 nuns trying to get into heaven

4 nuns die in a car accident and are standing in line at the gates of heaven. St. Peter tells them "You must confess your greatest sin and be granted absolution in order to get into heaven. "

The first nun in line holds up her index finger and says "I must confess, I once touched a man's pen...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

THE GOLFER'S 10 MINUTE

The was a man named George who got a new job. His fellow employees always met for a round of golf every Saturday.

They asked George to meet them at 10:00 Saturday morning.
George replied that he would love to meet them, but he may be 10 minutes late.

On Saturday morning George wa...

I'm not fat!

My DNA's just bold font.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Four nuns die and go to Heaven.

When they arrive at the Pearly Gates, St. Peter asks them if they have any last sins they wish to confess before they enter. The first nun confesses, "I once saw a man's penis." "You are forgiven, my child," says St. Peter. "Wash your eyes in the holy font and you may enter." The second nun confesse...

I don't mind comic sans.

It's honestly a very well rounded font.

Why did the architect take so long to get started on his church blueprints?

He couldn't decide what font to use.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy wakes up with a gorilla in his tree.

He looks at it and knows that he can't just leave it there for the day. So he calls the cops and says "There's a gorilla in my tree! Get rid of it!" The officer on the line says "Oh, that's an Animal Control problem." So the guy calls up Animal Control. "Hey, I got a gorilla in my tree! You gotta co...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Topical Jokes (5/22)

Hope everyone had a wonderful Wednesday but we can never escape the jokes!

First up, the FCC announced today that they would start to allow more sex during peak kids' TV hours. So look out for PBS's new show starring Big Bird's cousin, Kandi Kanary, in "Sesame Red Light District".

Weir...

A catholic schoolgirl goes to church for confession...

When she gets to the church, she notices that the confessional is occupied, so she sits down in a nearby pew. A short time later, the confessional door opens, and her best friend exits. The friend sits next to the girl, who asks her, "So... what did you confess to?"

"I told Father Murphy I g...

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