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Font Jokes

What was Robin Hood's favourite variety of font?

Sans-sheriff

I’ve always wanted to create a new font.

The descenders would be little link sausages. They’d be the serifs of knotting ham.

Who handles font related crimes?

A sans sheriff!

What font does alphabet soup use?

Times New Ramen.



*Credit for this goes to Kim Komando. I heard it on the radio earlier today.*

I won't date just any font;

It has to be my type.

Three fonts walk into a bar. The barman says,

Clear out, we don’t want your type here!

I always have trouble picking a font

Every font I look at, I think, "Nope, this one's not my type."

What font is sky writing in?

Aerial

What's the invisible woman favorite font??

________________________________________________________________

My font designer girlfriend broke up with me last night.

I guess I just wasn't her type.

What’s Satan’s favorite font?

Hellvetica.

Who’s the law enforcement in the font world?

Sans Sheriff

What font is the best for writing bad words?

Any cursive font.

What is Caveman-Sting's favourite font?

Rock Sans

What is the first rule of font club?

What is the first rule of font club?
No talking about font club.
What is the second rule of font club?
No using comic sans

What font was used on Wyatt Earp's tombstone?

Sans Sheriff.

I have fallen in love with a font

It's a bit of a Times New Romance.

I saw a graffiti artist spraying a police station in a thick font.

Now that is bold.

What font does the mermaid use when typing?

Ariel

The Chief of Police died responding to people changing fonts on town signs

There we were, left sans-sheriff

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A group of fonts walk into a bar.

'Get the fuck outta here' shouted the bartender, 'we don't serve your type here'.

The one who created the memes font really changed the world.

I mean, he really made an Impact.

Why are the "sans" family of fonts so serious?

No one wants to be comic sans.

What is the Dothraki font of choice?

Kaleebri

I've decided to save money on cat food by getting a bird bath.

Don't @ me. Predators and water go together in nature. Alligators and swamps. Sharks and oceans. Catholic priests and baptism fonts.

Which font do the protesters use to paint BLACK LIVES MATTER onto the streets of New York City?

Times Square New Roman.

What did one font say to the other while at the beach?

"Serifs up, dude!"

A good looking font walks into a bar and approaches a woman.

She looks at him and says "keep walking. You're not my type".

In my credit card statement there was an extra 666$ charge written in tiny fonts ...

As usual, the devil is in the details ...

Waitress: Do you have any questions about the menu?

Me: What font is this?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

4 nuns....

4 Nuns (Mary, Clarence, Enid and Steph) were involved in a horrific car crash that killed them all

Next thing they knew they were all standing in front of the pearly gates with St Peter greeting them with a friendly smile.

As they drew closer Peter said “Before I can let you pass into ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is getting married, and wants to impress his bride to be.

So he gets her name, Wendy, tattooed down the side of his shaft. He keeps it a surprise for the honeymoon as it heals and is quite impressed with the work. Although when he's flaccid all you can see is Wy, when he's hard there it is, in all its glory, in a beautiful font. The big day comes, and they...

My boss said I was going to see a big increase on my Payslip this month...

... He increased the font size.

I’m working on a new typeface to be used for church bulletins...

I call it 'Baptismal Font.'

I was chatting to a graphic designer about invitations for the baby’s christening.

“How about comic sans?” I said “Oh no” she scoffed, “for this occasion we’re gonna need a baptismal font”.

The Leaning Tower of Pisa actually isn't leaning.

...they just built it in Italic font.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Four nuns die and go to heaven

At the pearly gates they see Saint Peter. The first nun said to Peter, "Saint Peter, I once saw a man's penis. May I still enter heaven?" Saint Peter then pointed to a font and said to the nun, "wash your eyes in this holy font, and you may enter heaven." The nun washed her eyes and entered heaven.<...

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A Bus Carrying Nuns to the Convent....

Goes over a cliff, killing all on board.

Being pious nuns, all are transported directly to the pearly gates where St. Peter, standing beside a font, is awaiting them.

He says to the nuns, "Our heavenly Father awaits you on the other side of the gates to welcome you to the eternal parad...

My best friend is a typographer

he’s very font of his work.

Waitress asked man if he had any questions about the menu....

"Yeah, what font is the hamburger special?"

I received a letter from my opticians, but I’m concerned about their printer....

Either it’s failing or they used a blurry font. So weird.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three nuns were travelling to church...

Unfortunately, on the way there, they had a nasty accident and all died.

When they reached the pearly gates of heaven, they were greeted by Saint Peter himself.

He greeted them and explained, “Before I let you pass into Heaven, I must ask if any of you have ever strayed from the path, ...

What's the catchphrase of the Typing Revolution?

Viva la fonts.

Is it possible to have the word ‘and’ five times in a row in an English sentence, while still being grammatically correct?

A man had just bought a pub, The Fox and Hound, and wanted a big new sign for it outside, so that potential customers would know that it was under new management and come a try it out.

So, he contracted a sign-maker to make the sign for him. A week later, the sign-maker came back to him with ...

Did you hear about the long-sighted baptist?

He had to use a large font.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

4 nuns trying to get into heaven

4 nuns die in a car accident and are standing in line at the gates of heaven. St. Peter tells them "You must confess your greatest sin and be granted absolution in order to get into heaven. "

The first nun in line holds up her index finger and says "I must confess, I once touched a man's pen...

I don't mind comic sans.

It's honestly a very well rounded font.

Squirrels infested a small town and each house of worship called a meeting to decide what to do.

The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about the squirrel problem. After much prayer and discussion, they concluded the squirrels infesting the church were predestined to be there and the church elders and congregation shouldn't interfere with God's divine will.

At t...

The Kings English

I take it you already know Of tough and bough and cough and dough? Others may stumble, but not you, On hiccough, thorough, slough and through.

Beware of heard, a dreadful word, That looks like beard but sounds like bird.

And dead: It’s said like bed, not bead -- For goodness’ sake, don...

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THE GOLFER'S 10 MINUTE

The was a man named George who got a new job. His fellow employees always met for a round of golf every Saturday.

They asked George to meet them at 10:00 Saturday morning.
George replied that he would love to meet them, but he may be 10 minutes late.

On Saturday morning George wa...

Jesus and Satan were arguing over whom should be able to walk the Earth...

God stepped in and told both of them to draft a detailed, 7 page, 10 font, MLA format, report as to why they deserve it. He gave them 1 day to complete the report.

As they both were furiously typing and conducting web searches, and citing away, the final hour was upon them. All of the sudd...

I posted my resume off to a company...

I posted my resume off to the company I wanted to work for, but it came back the next day attached to a note that said I wasn't clear enough, my font was indecipherable and my word choice poor. I knew something had to be done.

Peter and Paul were about to graduate seminary together

Best friends Peter and Paul were about to graduate seminary together. While Peter was very smart, Paul had a difficult time with schoolwork, so Peter would let him copy his homework to make sure he could pass his classes.



As the time approached for their interview with the bishop, Pau...

A woman goes to a church and confesses to the priest there. "Bless me father, for I have sinned. I have seen another man's privates."

The priest tells her, "For your penance, say one Our Father, two Hail Mary's, and wash your face with holy water."

Another woman walks in and tells the priest, "Bless me father, for I have sinned. I have touched another man's privates."

The priest replies, "Say two Our Father's, fiv...

A catholic schoolgirl goes to church for confession...

When she gets to the church, she notices that the confessional is occupied, so she sits down in a nearby pew. A short time later, the confessional door opens, and her best friend exits. The friend sits next to the girl, who asks her, "So... what did you confess to?"

"I told Father Murphy I g...

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A guy wakes up with a gorilla in his tree.

He looks at it and knows that he can't just leave it there for the day. So he calls the cops and says "There's a gorilla in my tree! Get rid of it!" The officer on the line says "Oh, that's an Animal Control problem." So the guy calls up Animal Control. "Hey, I got a gorilla in my tree! You gotta co...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

AN IRISH GHOST STORY

This story happened a while ago near Kells, County Meath, and even though it sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock tale... it's true.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
John Reilly, a Cavan man studying in UCD, was on the side of the road hitchhiking back to Dublin on a very dark night and in the midst of a big storm. ...

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