UPJOKE
translationvariantadaptationinterpretationeditionvariationreadingrenderingreinterpretationformatsoundtrackfeaturesmodelsequeldemo

Version Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

what is the female version of rock out with your cock out?

Jam out with your clam out.

What’s the male version of a Karen called?

I don’t know but a group of them is called a Senate.

The female version of teabagging

Is called a Flapuccino

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My Muslim coworker brought a CD version of the Quran to work today.

He got really pissed off when I asked if I could burn a copy.

McDonald's tried to create a beef version of the McRib, but failed.

Hopefully, they learned from their McSteaks.

Last night I watched the uncut version of the film Scarface.

It was called Face.

What's the healthier, sister version of a dad bod?

An auntie-body.

I watched the Indian version of How I Met Your Mother…

There’s just one episode and it is about the wedding.

I just read a book that compares the different versions of The Bible.

There was a lot of…cross referencing.

I asked my horse who sang her favorite version of Nothing Compares 2 U.

She neighed.



(RIP)

Why did the enterprise version of Norton Security Firewall flop?

Because it was NSFW.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Have you ever seen the porn version of “Gilligan’s Island?“

In the end, they all get off

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call the online version of a popular Japanese desert?

An e-mochi

I was feeling bad about the future today, but then I installed the new version of office

It improved my outlook.

I never quite understood why the shortened version of ‘Charles’ is ‘Chuck’.

What the farles is that about?

The Roman version of Demeter is Ceres.

And the American version of Demeter is Da yard.

TIL France got a different version of The Force Awakens than the rest of the world.

While the international version ends with Rey and Luke, the French version ends with fin.

what's the Mexican version of a car show?

Cartell

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How to cure Snoring (Dog & Husband version)

A couple has a dog who snores. Annoyed because she can't sleep, the wife goes to the vet to see if he can help. The vet tells the woman to tie a ribbon around the dog's testicles and he will stop snoring.

'Yeah right!" she says.

A few minutes after going to bed, the dog begins snori...

American version of Poems

All Around The Mulberry Bush
The Monkey Chased The weasel
the monkey stopped to load his glock
***POP!*** Goes the weasel.....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Russian version of the guillotine joke (different punchline)

(fyi: Russian belief is that if anything goes wrong during the execution, it is divine intervention, and it is every bad mojo to try to execute a 2nd time if the prisoner survived.)

So...

The Germans catch 3 spies in Berlin during WW1. A Frenchman, an American, and a Russian. They wan...

The three guys at an interview joke just posted here reminded me of another version we used to tell about 20 years ago.. is it a repost? I don't know, probably yes, but does anyone really care ;) ?

Three guys interviewing to be a detective.

The final step is with the chief inspector who says, "Ahh, so you wanna be detectives, eh? The first skill you need is perception, let's see how you guys do with that"

He calls them into his office one by one.

The first guy goes in and ...

I was playing an updated version of Oregon Trail voiced by Terry Crews.

I made the comment that he wasn’t a good voice actor, and the game abruptly ended. Apparently, I died of dissin’ Terry.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I've just watched the Alabama version of 'Back to the Future,'

Unlike his counterpart, this version of Marty McFly can't resist the temptations of his mother and ends up fucking her,

Then he travels back in time.

Translated version

The math teacher was new to the elementary class so he just wanted to know how good are the kids in basic calculation. He picked a random student and started asking questions.
Math teacher : What's 2+2?
The kid opens 2 fingers in both his hands and counts and says "4 sir."
Math teacher : W...

Our company is implementing a version of Microsoft Teams Telephony where users keep their microphones muted

They're calling it Teams Telepathy.

Have you heard of the turkish version of sudoku?

It's called a pseudo-coup.

What’s the British version of propaganda?

A really hard look at something

Whats the american version of a karate chop?

A Connecti Cut!

I bought audiobook version of Encyclopedia Britannica

It speaks volumes to me

What tastes funny and is considered a cannibal's version of sardines?

A full clown car.

What will be the redneck version of Onlyfans?

OnlyFams!!!!

There is now a French version of /r/jokes

It is called Deja vu.

The people who made that early version of a plane had the...

Wright idea.

The short version of a long joke

Bernie brags at a bar that he knows lots of celebrities, including Clint Eastwood. When Phil calls him a liar, they bet on it, and Bernie takes him to Clint's house, where Bernie receives a warm welcome.

Weeks later Bernie brags about knowing the queen of England. Sure enough, Phil scoffs at...

What do you call a female version of Iron Man?

Fe Male

Why Bilbo had to be Male

Fun fact: Bilbo Baggins had to be a male in order for the plot of The Hobbit to work. If he was instead female, everything would have fallen apart in the goblin cave. Bilbo would have gone off wandering around in the dark and dreary caverns, found the ring, and seen Gollum fishing like in the origin...

Who performed the Imperial Roman version of "Can't Touch This"?

1100 Hammer

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A farmer buys a young cock (another version)

He puts him out in the yard with the rest of the chickens and the old rooster he's supposed to replace. The older rooster starts to bargain with the younger one: "How 'bout we split the harem 50/50," he says. The younger rooster isn't having any of it.

"OK, then let's have a race around the h...

I am your Father... Alternate Version

Vader: Luke, I am Joe

Luke: Who's Joe?









Vader:>! Joe Father!<

Luke: NOOOOOO

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call the ocean’s version of a porn site?

OnlyFins!

Did you know? Bang Bus now has a female version where women seduce and have their way with them after they get them in.

They call it Suck-u-bus

What is the Indian version of Grindr?

Delhi Meet.

They developed a computer program to write the musical version of "An Inconvenient Truth"

It's running a new Al Gore rhythm.

Do you know the Greek version of Monopoly?

It's called Monopoulos and you just borrow all the money from the bank.
Everyone loses.

What is you call the Mexican version of ISIS?

SISI

A little dirtier version of the “why was six afraid of seven” joke

Why did green pay red? Because red blue green

So my Irish friend decided to tell his community he's an atheist...

One man in the crowd then yelled "Yes, but is it the Catholic god you don't believe in or the Protestant one?"

(Wow this exploded. Front... *wow*. Gotta say, I like the (current) top comment's version more.)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Where's ya bin (full version)

A trash man knocks on the back door of an Asian restaurant.
The proprietor comes out and the trash man says: ‘where’s ya bin’

The Asian proprietor: ‘I bin to Hong Kong’

Trash man: ‘no... where’s ya wheelie bin?’

Asian proprietor: ‘I wheely bin to hong kong’

Trash man: ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Moral Of The Story (shortened version)

2 fishermen were in the forest fishing in a river.
They had a line in the water in one of their favourite secret fishing spots.
Now a fish came along and saw the line... And the fishermen saw the fish hoping that it would take the line because if it did the fly would drop 6 inches and they wo...

I call my wife Bambi

She thinks it's because she's cute with big brown eyes. But it's really because I want someone to shoot her mother with a hunting rifle.

**Edit:** Some people have accused me of "being a plagiarist" and "stealing other's jokes"... Their words, not mine...

*Pause for comedic value*
<...

An oldie but a goodie. [It's a version of an older joke]

On November 14, 1984, the United Nations sent out a survey to every country, asking "Would you please share your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"

The survey flopped pretty much everywhere.

In Africa, families were confused about what "food"...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Zambian version of Russian Roulette

As usual, things were not going well at the United Nations. Thus, many visiting ambassadors had to room together. It just so happened that Vladimir, the Russian Ambassador, and Umballa, the Zambian Ambassador, were sharing a suite.
To pass the time, Vladimir introduced his fellow dignitary to the...

The pharmacist said they only have the generic version of my laxative medication.

I said "I guess I'll have to make doo with that".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The version I know of a classic

These two guys are hiking through the woods and come across a ravine. Wanting to cross, they look around for materials and see a pile of old ropes. They decide the best way to cross would be to build a rope bridge.
One guy turns to the other and says, "Start tying the ropes together, I'm going ...

I've decided to make a Sharia version of Monopoly.

It's the same basic board, except if you're a woman you're not allowed to own property.

And if any of the other players accuse you of cheating, you're out of the game, no questions asked.

Joke Archeology -- who's heard an older version of this often recycled joke?

I heard this one the first time back in the early 70's.

Richard Nixon and Henry Kissinger were giving a young hippie hitchhiker a ride home in Air Force One from the Camp David Area, they started having engine trouble, unfortunately there were only four parachutes and the drafted pilots ju...

A better version of a joke I just read

I asked a French girl if she smoked, would she prefer marijuana or tobacco?

She said..... ouied

My Version Of Flirting!

My version of flirting is looking at someone I find attractive and hoping they're braver than I am.

Trying to read multiple versions of The Bible at the same time is really difficult.

You have to do a lot of...cross referencing.

What would you call an insect version of a furry?

Creepy

What's Morris Day's favorite version of Android?

Oh-re-Oreo.

The difference between Nick Mullen and the small version of Mario

Is about 2 feet, with Nick Mullen being smaller than tiny Mario. Relatively speaking.

I was disappointed by the British version of Breaking Bad.

It ends after he gets cancer and all his treatment is paid for by the NHS.

Queen released a hip hop version of their song.

It's called Bohemian Rap City

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The creation of a pussy, improved version.

Each man was a master-of-craft at his trade,


Now by God in his wisdom a task they'd been laid.


See them gathered together, by calling divine


to fashion a vulva of peerless design.


The first man, a butcher of eminent skill


took a hold of his bla...

Everyone knows the story of the three little pigs... here's another version:



The first little pig was playing in the forest, when the big bad wolf

spotted him and chased him back to his straw house. The pig hid inside,

peeking out at the wolf, who looked at the house, laughed, then huffed

and puffed and blew the house down. The pig, scared witles...

isis is marketing their version of kitkat

they're calling it allahu snackbar

Where do King James Version Only churches post videos of their sermon?

ThouTube

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Can your dick reach (original version]

I am sick of seeing this joke mangled into the nonsense form that is always posted here, so for future reference this is how it goes:

---------------------------------

A five-year-old boy goes up to his grandpa and asks "Can I have a dollar to buy some candy?" The grandpa replies "Can ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A literal version of 'your joke, but better': I got a tattoo of my girlfriend's name on my penis...

...in full, the tattoo says "FOR AMY" on it.

So I went to a bar, had a few drinks, went to take a leak, and noticed the guy next to me had "FOUR EARTH" tattooed on his.

I couldn't help but laugh and say to him "First off, you misspelled "FOR", secondly, you really think you'll get ever...

When a kid says

When a kid says " Daddy, I want mommy", that's the kid version of "I'd like to speak to your supervisor."

Russia is considering banning the internet for most people, replacing it with a limited Russian propaganda version...

It will be called the InterNYET.

Whats the french version of Brexit?

adiEU

Whats the Jewish version of Elf on a Shelf

Mensch on a bench

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Now that generic versions of Viagra are available, there are several low-cost options to treat erectile dysfunction.

Ask your doctor if coxaphlopin is right for you.

Heaven vs Hell : The Europeans Version

In heaven the police are British, the cooks are French, the engineers are German, the administrators are Swiss and the lovers are Italian

In Hell the police are German, the cooks are British, the engineers are Italian, the administrators are French and the lovers are Swiss

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

(Censored version so it doesn’t get taken down again) Three men climb to the top of a tall mountain

Suddenly, it begins raining, therefore the three men won’t be able to get back down safely until the rain stops. Suddenly, a genie appears and informs the men that if they name an object, they will be able to jump off the mountain and land on that object. “Pillows,” says the first man. The man then ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Englishman, an American and a Japanese guy are on a boat, moments away from plunging over a waterfall to their doom...

Suddenly a genie appears. The genie explains that he is of limited power. He cannot prevent their inevitable deaths, but he can grant each man one wish before he dies.

The American steps up first. 'I love my country. Before I die I want to sing my national anthem one last time. The full versi...

If baby grand pianos just smaller versions of grand pianos, shouldn't they just be called...

pianos?

Maths Question (Muslim version)

Question 1) If Mohammad has 3 apples and gives one to Hassan and one to Ahmed, what is the radius of the explosion?

It's obvious Bill Gates didn't create COVID

none of his other products are able to release new versions this frequently

What do you call a pirated version of Windows?

Port Holes

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.