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What do you get when you breed an elephant and a duck?

A dead duck with gaping asshole

What do you get when you cross-breed a shark and a cow?

I have no idea, but I wouldn’t try milking it.

Pure Breed?

A Polar Bear and his son were walking through the icy glaciers, when the little Polar Bear says to his father, "Dad... are we pure blooded Polar Bear?" The father bear looks at his son and says, "Why, yes son, of course we are!"

The next day the little Polar Bear is hunting for seals with his...

What breed of dog can jump higher than buildings?

Any dog, because buildings can’t jump.

I've been breeding non-aggressive Siamese fighting fish.

I call them beta bettas.

Q: What was Darwin’s favorite Breed of Dog?

A: *The Beagle*

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The animals hear that the world is going to end

So, the Lion, as their king, calls an official meeting of all animals.

“We have only 10 days until everything as we know it is destroyed. Nothing matters anymore. Let’s just all have sex with each other and go out with a bang.”

The antelope flicks and ear to ask a question: “What about...

I've been breeding racing deer

Just trying to make a quick buck

An old joke I can't find on Reddit. Here we go...

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from re-possessing the ranch they need to purchase a bull from a stockyard in a far-away town so that they can breed their own stock. Th...

It's always weird to come across an anti-vaxxer nowadays...

...they seem to be a dying breed

What do you get when you breed a pit bull with a shih tzu?

Yiff.

What breed of horse is made out of cheese?

A mascapony

A farmer increased the yield of his apple tree by cross breeding it with a salmon

He said it was quite a fish ent.

What happens when two dogs breed in a pound?

Dog pound dog pounds dog pound dog.

Did you know that it is wrong to breed eels with eagles?

It’s because it is eel-eagle.

It’s so nice to meet so many anti-vaxers here

It feels like we’re a dying breed

At my city, we have a zoo which is only filled with dogs. Even worse, there’s only one breed of dogs inside the zoo.

It’s a shih tzu.

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What do you call an animal sanctuary that breeds small dogs?

A shit zoo

How does Santa choose which female reindeer to breed with his prized stud?

By choosing the one that’s the best bang for the buck.

My dog died. He exploded.

He was a mixed breed. Half golden lab, half meth lab.

My wife and I went to the auction in Paris Kentucky the other week

and one of the first exhibits we stopped at was the breeding bulls. We went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said,"THIS BULL MATED 50 TIMES LAST YEAR" My wife playfully nudged me in the ribs...smiled and said, 'He mated 50 times last year, that's almost once a week.'We walked t...

The pug

A guy tells his buddy, "I got my wife a dog for her birthday."

His buddy asks, "What breed?"

The guy says, "It's a pug. And, despite the squashed nose, the bulging eyes and the rolls of fat, the dog really loves her."

What did the Geodude say to his fellow Geodude when they were going to breed?

Hey bro, I’m rock hard.

I've discovered the best breed of dog for fasion advice

An Irish Trendsetter

Dog Show Hair Remover

A young woman had entered her dog in the dog show in the smooth-haired breed category. To give it an advantage, she went to the pharmacist for some hair remover. The pharmacist gave her the product requested and advised, "Just remember to keep your arms up for at least five minutes." "Errr... it's n...

Farmer Browns pigs

Farmer Brown has a bunch of pigs that are all female. He decides to breed them to increase the size of his herd. So he calls his friend farmer Jones and asks if he can bring his sows over to mate with farmer Jones' boars. Farmer Jones agrees, so next morning, farmer Brown loads all his pigs into ...

Why can’t you breed a eel with and eagle?

It’s Eeleagle

The King of the magical land Wakanda invited the President of the United States and the Queen of Britain to visit.

When they arrived, the Royal Guide of Wakanda brought them to the Palace.
"I should warn you, the beauty and luxury you will see is unparalleled." he said.
They both snorted haughtily. Surely this third-world country couldn't compete with their own riches.

But when they entered, they we...

Farming experiment

A poultry farmer walks into a bar and orders a white wine spritzer. "Hey Bob," the bartender says. "How's your chicken cross-breeding experiment going this week?" "Pretty good," the farmer replies. "I crossed a chicken with a duck. Now I have a chicken that lays down."

So a couple of farmers are standing around talking. One goes you know, "I had a bull who just wouldn't breed anything, so I took him to the vet and she gave me some pills to give to him. Well he bred all of my cows and jumped the fence and bred all of the neighbors cows!"

The other farmer looked at him and asked what kind of pills they were and the first one responds, "I don't know, but they kinda taste like mint."

Breeding Seagulls and Eagles has now been outlawed in the United States.

The rationale behind this was that the new creature became incredibly sick upon birth. People have been breeding ill eagle seagulls this entire time.

My hairdresser friend has started breeding dogs.

He calls them shampoodles.

[Long] A redneck was walking with its dog...

A redneck was walking with his dog, when another dog starts to pick a fight with the redneck's dog, the redneck's dog with just one bite kills the other dog.

A lot of people get scared, cause there's a lot of blood and carnage, them a guy asks the redneck "What is your dog's breed?"

To...

The farmer and the pigs

A farmer, struggeling through deression, is sitting in a bar talking to his neighbour: "I have no Idea to survive,I own 25 sows but no boar. And I can't afford to buy one or arrange a fertilization. If I'd be able to breed piglets, i could sell them and make money.." The neigbour sais: " No Problem,...

Billy: "Your mare - what breed is it?" Jack: "No clue, but it beat the winner of this year's Kentucky Derby. " "Why wasn't it entered for the Triple Crown?" "Problem is, it gallops only at night. Snoozes in the daytime."

"Tsk tsk tsk... a nightmare."

I would rather breed mice than crows

Mischief is one thing, but I don't think I can pull off a murder.

My neighbor has a 15 acre farm, he breeds dogs to do work on them. He grows cantaloupe, and come harvest time the dogs sniff out the ripe ones and bring them back to the barn.

He says the breed are Melon Collies

A man is driving down a country road going 45mph, and all the sudden he notices a chicken running next to him.

He couldn't believe his eyes, how could a chicken run so fast?

So he speeds up to 60mph to outrun the chicken, and after a few seconds the chicken has caught up to him! He simply can't believe it, he shakes his head and looks back and suddenly the chicken is gone. But no! He looks ahead an...

Scientists say they discovered a rare breed of dinosaur known for infidelity

It was called Doyouthinkhesaurus

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just got a japanese gf

she's gotta be a rare breed because her private is uncensored

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There's a breed of black chickens that actually hatch black eggs!

Search up "black cocks" yourself if you don't believe me.

Just wanna buy horses (long)

There was a young man interested in buying a pair of horses for breeding. He came across a small ranch with the rancher standing in front of the main entrance while watching a pair or horses gallop inside the fenced property.

Man: How much for the horses?

Rancher: White or black?
...

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There was this farmer, Farmer John, who had a prize-winning bull.

Unfortunately, at the beginning of the breeding season, the bull had no interest in mating. Couldn't get it up at all.

Farmer John called Bill the veterinarian to come out and look at the bull. Bill checked the bull all over and said, "Well, there is nothing physically wrong with the bull. T...

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Three guys participate in an annual contest of monkey breeding..

The rules are simple, each participant have an intercourse with a monkey, who can make the monkey give birth to most baby monkeys, wins.

Number three is the last 3 years champion and a natural favorite. Everybody bets their money on him.

First guy gets in an spends 4 hours with the mon...

I saw a man dragging a loaf of bread along the floor so I asked him: 'What breed is it?'

He replied: 'It's pure bread.'

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My family has a farm and we breed and raise pheasants. An interesting fact most people don’t know about pheasants; they actually die right after having sex

At least the ones I fucked did

What's Devo's favourite breed of dog?

Whippet. Whippet good.

A man was driving his car when he saw a three-legged chicken dart across the road at an incredible speed...

Intrigued, he slammed his brakes and watched the chicken run to a farm so fast he couldn't believe it.

The man quickly turned into the farm's driveway and drove to the farmhouse. Upon reaching it the farmer emerged and asked, "Can I help you?"

The man said, "Did you see a three-legged ...

In the early 1970s, researchers discovered that a certain enzyme in a specific breed of seagull chicks granted dolphins that ate them a dramatically increased lifespan…

Hoping that this could be made viable for humans, they started extensive testing.

Unfortunately, the breed of gulls wasn't native to the area around their laboratory.

They sent a research assistant up the coast to gather additional specimens.

On his way back with a truckload o...

I failed my python breeding class because of a late assignment.

My homework ate my dog.

A geneticist makes a breakthrough, enabling him to create a cross-breed of any two living organisms

He sets up his own lab and hires an intern to help him out. After explaining to the intern what the technology is capable of the intern is amazed and asks: "So you can really create a cross between ANY two living beings?"


The geneticist replies, "Yes, but I advise you to exercise cautio...

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A Science-Minded Deviant

There's this scientist that loves dolphins. He loves dolphins so much, he wants to figure out a way to make them live forever. For years he slaves away in his basement laboratory, and he believes that he has found a compound that when given to dolphins, will make them live forever. The only probl...

Almost Murderer

*In jail*

Guy: "So what are you in for?"

Me: *Thinking back on trying to collect and breed crows* "Attempted Murder."

What dog is breed is a ‘divorce’?

My parents said they’re getting one

I want to start a deer breeding business

but first I'm gonna need about 5000 bucks

A new breed of sheep have been raising the

Baaaahhhhh

The man who cross breeds labradors and poodles will be adequate for the job at hand.

The labradoodle dude'll do.

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This farmer has a roster that screws every living creature in sight...

Farmer's neighbor wants to breed his chickens, but his rooster was eaten by a fox, so he goes and asks his neighbor for help.

"Hey Joe... So, I know your roster has quite a sex drive. How about you make some money and wear him out a bit? I need about 200 of my hens bred and will pay you well ...

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The American Kennel Club has recognized new dog breeds.

* Pointer + Setter = Poinsetter. Great for Christmas.
* Irish Water Spaniel + English Springer Spaniel = Irish Springer. Smells like fresh mountain dog.
* Bloodhound + Labrador = Blabrador. Won't stop barking.
* Deerhound + Terrier = Derriere. A dog that's true til the end.
* Terrier...

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A new farmer buys several sheep hoping to breed them.

After several weeks he notices that none of the sheep are getting pregnant and calls a vet for help. The vet tells him that he should try artificial insemination. The farmer doesn’t have the slightest idea what this means but, not wanting to display his ignorance, only asks the vet how he will know ...

What do you get when you cross breed a Chihuahua with a Great Dane?

A dead chihuahua

Everyone says that as a nice guy/gentleman, I'm a dying breed and that I should be on the endanger species list.

I wonder if there is a breeding program for my kind.

Note: First time posting on r/Jokes

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The white cow is ready for breeding

The white cow is ready for breeding and little Jimmy's dad explains that the white cow needs a visit from the bull and that the brown cow is too young so they will need to keep it separated until it gets older.

Two hours later Jimmy runs to his dad and says "the bull just fucked the brown c...

I had a test covering several breeds of Chinese plants.

It was multiple choys.

A blonde is tired of being teased, so she dies her hair brown and moves to the countryside...

A blonde is tired of being teased, so she dyes her hair brown and moves to the countryside. As she’s driving home one day she spots a farmer leaning on a fence chewing a piece of straw.

“Ha, I’m going to put one over on that dumb farmer!”, she says to herself, pulling over.

“Greetings,...

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A farmer buys a cock to breed his hens...

The first day the cock fucks every hen of the farmer.
Needless to say the farmer is amazed.
The second day the cock fucks every hen plus the geese.
Needless to say the farmer is impressed and a bit worried about the cock...
Then, at the evening of the third day the cock is laying motio...

What Breed of Dog likes to drink beer?

A Boozehound.

Earlier the Rich had cars and the poor had horses. Now the Poor have cars and the Rich breed horses

Oh how the stables have turned

Overheard a tweaker proudly talking about his dog...

I couldn't hear him too well but it sounded like some kind of new mixed-breed dog he called a Meth Lab. I didn't get many details on the new mixed-breed but I did hear him say it could be dangerous. Oh, and it must be fast because its name was Shake 'n Bake. Everybody knows you don't sully the na...

How do Goatmen breed?

They Faunicate!

Did you know that there's a breed of dog who loves science?

You can tell which one it is because they're always wearing a lab coat.

The most loyal, kind and noble of all dog breeds is the hot dog...

He's the only one who feeds the hand that bites him

A New Breed of Elephant

I took my seven year old son to the zoo today. We were walking around and soon he said, “Look Dad! It's a frickin' Elephant!” I was shocked and slightly angry, as everybody was looking at us.

“What did you just call it?” I asked.

“It's a frickin' Elephant, it says so on the picture!”...

I breed some of the worlds best thoroughbred race horses

They are absolutely outstanding in their field

What's Donald Trump's favorite dog breed?

A close-the-border collie.

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TIFU by using Google Translate to talk about my girlfriend’s dog breed

Apparently “Basic Bitch” doesn’t mean the same thing as “Standard Poodle.”

Based on a True Story: A breeding pair of crocodiles ate two European tourists in Australia

This actually happened back when I was a kid in the 90's: A French photographer and his friend from Czechoslovakia got too close to a nesting site and were attacked and consumed by a pair of crocodiles in Australia. The female ate the Frenchman.

The Czech was in the male.

What do you get when you try to breed a dog and a wolf?

2 counts of animal abuse and the ending of Old Yeller

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There's a little known legend about the Brothers Grimm: they wanted to write a story to rival The Ugly Duckling. For 'research' purposes, they bought a hundred ducks and released them into a cave..

..planning to return years later to document their behavior. Unfortunately both passed away before that, and the project was forgotten.


This information came to light hundreds of years later in 2>!XXX!<, during an investigation into strange quacking noises and numerous missing p...

I found enlightenment after eating slices of a cold garlic sausage made from a breed of South American camelid

all thanks to the deli llama

What do you get when you breed an elephant with a rhino?

A visit from the university board of ethics.

Bought a pet rock. It looked lonely so I bought another. I dunno how, but they started breeding. Months later there was gravel and stones everywhere. I couldn't take it anymore and had enough.

Threw it all in a canvas sack, weighed it down with a couple of puppies, and tossed it in the river.

So this city blonde goes to a barn

She asks the farmer: “Excuse me, why does that cow have no horns?”.

The farmer, being quite the expert on the matter, explained to her with great detail:

“Well m’am, there’s many reasons why some cows don’t have horns. Some breeds don’t have horns. For example: Angus cows don’t have ...

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An old joke my dad told me

A man and a woman, along with their six children, live together on a farm, raising chickens and other animals. Once a week, they slaughter one of the older chickens, and roast it for dinner. However, the family always fight over who gets to have a leg off the chicken, with only two of the eight fami...

When I was younger I tried breeding rabbits...

it was a hare-raising experience.

Fun Facts about ants

So as you may or may not know, ants have many breeds, but above these breeds, two general groups can be seen in ants around the world. These groups are the Macro ants (Big ants), and the Micro ants (Small ants).

Multiple different breeds of ants can be found in each of the two groups (Such ...

What do you call an Italian and African mosquito cross-breed?

Is a me! Malario!

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Farmer tries to breed pigs

A farmer bought some breeding pigs, but after several weeks, not one was pregnant. He called the vet for help. "Why don't you try artificial insemination" said the vet.

The farmer didn't have an inkling of what artificial insemination was, but, not wanting to appear ignorant, he said, "Okay, ...

I had to close my ghost breeding business

After being convicted of 18 counts of murder

A journalist goes to see a farmer who managed to breed four-legged chickens.

-How did you manage to do that? He asks.
-I once found a three-legged chick, kept it and get it to have eggs and I ended up with a lot of four legged chickens.
-But why?
-Well, I like chicken legs, my wife too and my two kids also. So I thought with a four-legged chicken, we’d only ha...

They say revolution breeds revolution.

Resistance is fertile.

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Barnyard antijokes, written by an AI

Q:
What's the difference between a horse and a duck?

A:
A horse has legs but a duck has feathers.

Q:
Why do elephants play hide-and-seek?

A: They don’t have to worry about winning.

Q:
How much is a cow worth?

Answer:
100 Pounds.

Q: ...

American/Russian dog fight

The Americans and Russians at the height of the arms race realized that if they continued in the usual manner they were going to blow up the whole world. One day they sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight. They would have five years to breed the best fighting dog in the...

I want to open a Reserve to breed, arm and train West Lowland Gorillas to fight Jihadists.

I'm going to call it Boko Harambe

I used to breed rabbits.

Then I realized that they pretty much know what to do.

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Brewster the rooster, the horniest rooster there ever was (NSFW: language)

A lifelong farmer moved to a home much closer to town where he setup a small personal ranch to enjoy retirement with his wife. Among the various equipment and livestock that the new rancher needed, one staple item is a breeding rooster for his new henhouse. He heads to the farm auction the next week...

I had to stop breeding rabbits...

I found it to be a hare raising experience.

The FDA has issued guidelines on animal testing

All companies testing on rats are encouraged to switch to lawyers, for the following reasons:

1. They are easier to breed

2. Nobody cares what happens to them

3. There are some things rats just won't do

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A teenaged farmboy is tending to his family's cattle

When his father comes out to the pasture. He says, 'Son, another family in town is paying us to breed more cattle for 'em. Take our three largest heifers over to their farm where their breeding bull is waiting.'
The son dutifully walks the mile or so with their three cows over to the Anderson far...

What dog breed will always leave you behind?

A ciao ciao

She’s from Minsk

A small, tight knit, Russian village buys their milk from the neighboring town. Eventually they realize they should pool their resources and buy a cow for the town.

They all gather their money, some put more, some less, whatever they can afford. Now they have 800 roubles, but to buy a cow fr...

A farmer was asked why he specifically breed satanist Yaks on his farm..

...he said he simply enjoys the yakult.

A fifth grade class from Chicago goes on a field trip

A fifth grade class from Chicago goes on a field trip to a farm. One of the chaperones asks the farmer "Why doesn't that cow have horns?"

The farmer takes off his cap, scratches his head and replies

"Well ma'am, there are lots of reasons why an animal doesn't have horns, some breeds,...

Why did the hipster salmon not get to breed?

He didnt use the main stream

Paddy took two stuffed dogs to the Antiques Roadshow

"Ooh!" said thew presenter, "This is a rare breed, do you have any idea what they would fetch if they were in good condition?"

"Sticks." replied Paddy.

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