### I made a graph showing my past relationships

It has an ex-axis and a why-axis

### I just saw my math teacher lock himself in his office with a piece of graph paper.

I think he must be plotting something.

### I'm very good at math I can do number theory, combinatorics, but I cant bring myself to do graphs

That's where I draw the line

A plot twist.

### I'm making a graph of all my old relationships

It has an ex axis and a why axis.

### I just watched a movie about a y = x graph

The plot was a bit predictable

And a little flat

Good special f(x) though

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

### Are you the slope of an acceleration vs time graph?

Because you are a 'jerk'.

I'll walk myself out...

### Never trust math teachers who use graph paper

They're always plotting something.

### So I made a graph of all my past relationships...

It has an ex axis and a why axis.

### A teacher asked a student for a description of the graph of y=cos(x).

The student just shrugged.

### I got drunk and drew up a graph showing all of the relationships I've ever had.

It had an ex axis, and a why axis.

### I was drawing a graph for my report expecting a straight line. But I got a curve.

What a plot twist

### Trying to create a decent graph of my data but some mystery guy keeps adding more samples to it.

The plot thickens.

### My son used to be horrible at graphing trig functions.

Luckily he's made excellent sines of improvement.

### They’re all kinds of weird fetishs out there. Some people even get off on graphing.

Thats where I draw the line.

I’ll see myself out.

### My love graph has two axis.

It has an X-axis and a Y-exis.

### My wife has been secretly storing plenty of graph paper inside her closet.

I bet she is plotting something against me.

### I used to go out with a girl who was obsessed with graphs...

she was always plotting behind my back

### I was going to write a book about an x-axis and y-axis on a piece of graph paper.

But there was no plot.

### If topography was converted to a line graph.

Then America peaked somewhere around the Rockies.

### My graphing calculator works really well...

Some would say it functions perfectly.

### Have you seen the movie about a lone piece of graph paper?

The plot was a bit scattered.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

### The teacher shows the student a blank graph

Teacher: Tell me the equation of this graph.
Student: This is fucking pointless

### Teacher arrested on airplane after bag was searched

A protractor, a ruler, a calculator, and a book of graph paper. He was charged with possessing implements of math instruction

### Three college graduates—one in Math, one in Engineering, and one in Economics—sit for a job interview.

The question they’re all asked is “What’s 2+2?”

The Math graduate goes to the whiteboard, fills it with a proof, and concludes that, “A solution exists.”

The Engineering graduate consults his addition tables, writes some calculations down, graphs his results, and says, “3. But we’ll ma...

### I made a graph to plot the curvature of bells.

The distribution was random.

### My girlfriend's mood is like the graph of sin(x).....

Her mood goes up and down within one period.

A parabolem.

### I was making a graph of my past relationships. First I drew the Ex axis then the Why axis.

Full disclosure: I saw this in yik yak thought is share it here. :)

### Jesus and Satan were having an on-going argument about who was better on the computer.

They had been going at it for days, and frankly God was tired of hearing all the bickering.

Finally fed up, God said, 'THAT'S IT! I have had enough. I am going to setup a test that will run for two hours, and from those results, I will judge who does the better job.'
So Satan and Jesus...

### I hate graph jokes...

Because I can never get the point.

### Why don't pencils and graph paper get along?

Because they're made out of graphite

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

### What do you call a math teacher that assigns graphs with holes and assymptotes on tests?

Asshole.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

### A man was in a Terrible fire.

Third degree burns covers his legs torso arms and face. Luckily he had enough skin intact for skin grafts. The doctor worked tirelessly graphing him from top to bottom. They were almost finished when they got to his eyelids. The doctor was stuck trying to figure out what to do to graft this youn...

### Why did the author include a page with a computer generated grid in his book?

Because he auto graphed it.

A poly graph.

### A bartender walks into a bar

The bartender says to the bartender

“Welcome to my bar fellow bartender, what can I get you? Some bar food perhaps?”

To which the bartender replied

“I’ll have a steak bar the barbecue sauce.” Said the bartender

The bartender, a little offended that the bartender barred t...

### Jimmy approached his teacher

After looking at the syllabus for their next lesson on graphing, Jimmy approached his teacher with a stern look on his face and said, “I’ll do algebra, I’ll do trig, I’ll even do statistics, but graphing is where I draw the line!”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

### Jesus and Satan are having a competition...

... to see who is the better Excel user. God is the judge.

Satan is killing it. He has pivot tables, graphs, macros. Jesus is doing ok - he has a few columns of data, some basic graphs and some formulae.

The time is nearing the 2hour time limit and suddenly the power goes off. Satan is...

### A man is totally convinced he is dead.

His wife and kids do everything to try and convince him that he’s not dead. They take him to a doctor and for months every day the doctor shows him charts, studies, graphs, and statistics showing that dead men do not bleed, and finally the man is completely certain that dead men do not bleed.
...

### I may be willing to solve equations..

but graphing is where I draw the line!

### Did you hear about the mathematical vandals?

They cover the walls in graph-iti.

### My father works as a statistician at Ford.

He must be pretty well-respected there, people are always asking for his auto graph.

### Two mathematics professors are sitting in a restaurant.

The first one says: "The average person is, mathematically, an idiot. People don't know algebra, can't figure out percents, can't read a simple graph, and don't even get me started on calculus..."

The second professor disagrees, "Surely you're exaggerating. Most people know all the math they ...

### One day at the Psychiatric Ward...

A psychiatrist is evaluating three new mental patients. He turns to the first one and asks, "How much is 3 times 3?"

The mental patient thinks and thinks. He racks his brain. Finally, after several minutes, he answers, "128!"

The psychiatrist turns to the second mental patient and asks...

### Fencing in Cattle

Three gentleman who excel in their respective fields are invited to compete in a competition. Competing are: a top Engineer, a shrewd Businessman, and an award-winning Mathematician. The judges, in turn ask each gentleman to fence in a herd of cattle using the shortest length of fence.

The e...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

### Engineering pickup lines

Engineering pickup lines:

Hey babe, what's your factor of safety?

Can I use my sigma to find your tau max?

What frequency does it take to make your O-me-ga

How big does your period need to be to reduce our frequency

How about you and I go have a couple moment
...

### The pains of being a biology student.

There was a biology student who was studying equilibrium in sea birds with a
specific focus on terns. He proposed that giving measured doses of THC (from,
of course, marijuana) and observing their flight patterns would give some
insight to the problems of equilibrium in three dimensional sp...

### What's Asian on top and black on bottom?

IQ distribution graph

### A pirate walks into a bar…

A pirate walks into a bar with a small computer and monitor on his crotch. The bartender picks him out immediately and notices graphs and statistical functions appearing on the screen as the pirate walks up to him. When he reaches the bar, the pirate asks
for some rum.

The bartender says,...

### What did the Exponential Equation say to the Linear Equation?

Real graphs have curves.

### A Math Quip

You couldn't tell an asymptote from a hole in the graph