I made a graph showing my past relationships

It has an ex-axis and a why-axis

I'm very good at math I can do number theory, combinatorics, but I cant bring myself to do graphs

That's where I draw the line

I just saw my math teacher lock himself in his office with a piece of graph paper.

I think he must be plotting something.

You can never trust a teacher who uses graph paper,

they’re always plotting something.

I've just finished a graph charting my previous relationships...

It has an Ex axis and a Why axis.

Plotting a graph of my past relationships is a little "complex"

Plotting a graph of my past relationships is a little "complex". It has imaginary "ax-es".

So I made a graph of all my past relationships...

It has an ex axis and a why axis.

What do you call an unexpected wiggle on a straight graph?

A plot twist.

Why did the graph fall off the cliff?

It had depression

I was drawing a graph for my report expecting a straight line. But I got a curve.

What a plot twist

I just watched a movie about a y = x graph

The plot was a bit predictable

And a little flat

Good special f(x) though

My wife has been secretly storing plenty of graph paper inside her closet.

I bet she is plotting something against me.

I’ll do algebra, I’ll do trigonometry, I’ll even do statistics.

But graphing is where I draw the line!

A teacher asked a student for a description of the graph of y=cos(x).

The student just shrugged.

Trying to create a decent graph of my data but some mystery guy keeps adding more samples to it.

The plot thickens.

My son used to be horrible at graphing trig functions.

Luckily he's made excellent sines of improvement.

I was going to write a book about an x-axis and y-axis on a piece of graph paper.

But there was no plot.

They’re all kinds of weird fetishs out there. Some people even get off on graphing.

Thats where I draw the line.

I’ll see myself out.

If topography was converted to a line graph.

Then America peaked somewhere around the Rockies.

My graphing calculator works really well...

Some would say it functions perfectly.

Have you seen the movie about a lone piece of graph paper?

The plot was a bit scattered.

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The teacher shows the student a blank graph

Teacher: Tell me the equation of this graph.
Student: This is fucking pointless

I used to go out with a girl who was obsessed with graphs...

she was always plotting behind my back

Three college graduates—one in Math, one in Engineering, and one in Economics—sit for a job interview.

The question they’re all asked is “What’s 2+2?”

The Math graduate goes to the whiteboard, fills it with a proof, and concludes that, “A solution exists.”

The Engineering graduate consults his addition tables, writes some calculations down, graphs his results, and says, “3. But we’ll ma...

I made a graph to plot the curvature of bells.

The distribution was random.

My girlfriend's mood is like the graph of sin(x).....

Her mood goes up and down within one period.

What do you call an issue with the graph of a quadratic formula?

A parabolem.

Jesus and Satan were having an on-going argument about who was better on the computer.

They had been going at it for days, and frankly God was tired of hearing all the bickering.

Finally fed up, God said, 'THAT'S IT! I have had enough. I am going to setup a test that will run for two hours, and from those results, I will judge who does the better job.'
So Satan and Jesus...

Why don't pencils and graph paper get along?

Because they're made out of graphite

What do you get when you graph mud versus traction?

a slippery slope

Teacher arrested on airplane after bag was searched

A protractor, a ruler, a calculator, and a book of graph paper. He was charged with possessing implements of math instruction

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What do you call a math teacher that assigns graphs with holes and assymptotes on tests?


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A man was in a Terrible fire.

Third degree burns covers his legs torso arms and face. Luckily he had enough skin intact for skin grafts. The doctor worked tirelessly graphing him from top to bottom. They were almost finished when they got to his eyelids. The doctor was stuck trying to figure out what to do to graft this youn...

How can you chart all the lies your parrot tells?

A poly graph.

Jimmy approached his teacher

After looking at the syllabus for their next lesson on graphing, Jimmy approached his teacher with a stern look on his face and said, “I’ll do algebra, I’ll do trig, I’ll even do statistics, but graphing is where I draw the line!”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jesus and Satan are having a competition...

... to see who is the better Excel user. God is the judge.

Satan is killing it. He has pivot tables, graphs, macros. Jesus is doing ok - he has a few columns of data, some basic graphs and some formulae.

The time is nearing the 2hour time limit and suddenly the power goes off. Satan is...

A man is totally convinced he is dead.

His wife and kids do everything to try and convince him that he’s not dead. They take him to a doctor and for months every day the doctor shows him charts, studies, graphs, and statistics showing that dead men do not bleed, and finally the man is completely certain that dead men do not bleed.

My father works as a statistician at Ford.

He must be pretty well-respected there, people are always asking for his auto graph.

Two mathematics professors are sitting in a restaurant.

The first one says: "The average person is, mathematically, an idiot. People don't know algebra, can't figure out percents, can't read a simple graph, and don't even get me started on calculus..."

The second professor disagrees, "Surely you're exaggerating. Most people know all the math they ...

Did you hear about the mathematical vandals?

They cover the walls in graph-iti.

I may be willing to solve equations..

but graphing is where I draw the line!

One day at the Psychiatric Ward...

A psychiatrist is evaluating three new mental patients. He turns to the first one and asks, "How much is 3 times 3?"

The mental patient thinks and thinks. He racks his brain. Finally, after several minutes, he answers, "128!"

The psychiatrist turns to the second mental patient and asks...

Fencing in Cattle

Three gentleman who excel in their respective fields are invited to compete in a competition. Competing are: a top Engineer, a shrewd Businessman, and an award-winning Mathematician. The judges, in turn ask each gentleman to fence in a herd of cattle using the shortest length of fence.

The e...

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Engineering pickup lines

Engineering pickup lines:

Hey babe, what's your factor of safety?

Can I use my sigma to find your tau max?

What frequency does it take to make your O-me-ga

How big does your period need to be to reduce our frequency

How about you and I go have a couple moment

A pirate walks into a bar…

A pirate walks into a bar with a small computer and monitor on his crotch. The bartender picks him out immediately and notices graphs and statistical functions appearing on the screen as the pirate walks up to him. When he reaches the bar, the pirate asks
for some rum.

The bartender says,...

What did the Exponential Equation say to the Linear Equation?

Real graphs have curves.

A Math Quip

You couldn't tell an asymptote from a hole in the graph

What's Asian on top and black on bottom?

IQ distribution graph

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