My friend explains what the symbols on a map mean.

He is a legend.

I found a carton of milk that tells me what the symbols on a map mean.

I guess it was Legend Dairy.

TIL that Garden Gnomes are a symbol of good luck.

It’s a little gnome fact.

I gave my wife some flowers, as a symbol of our love...

Decaying husks of once vibrant things that wither more and more as days go by.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I've been described as a sex symbol

However, that symbol is a question mark

What did the student say after learning all the symbols on the periodic table?

“Fluorine-Uranium-Carbon-Potassium this! Never again!”

If the Dove is the bird symbol of love, what is the bird of true love?

The swallow.

During an exam, a student pokes the guy next to him and whispers, "pssst... is C the chemical symbol for chlorine?"

He whispers back, "Na, Cl you idiot!".

"OK thanks..." replies the student, "but why so salty?"

Two men stood next to each other on the busy streets of NY with donation signs; one with a Cross, and one with Islamic symbols and writing

As the day passed, people walking by would donate to the Christian man and left the Muslim mans donation bucket empty. A muslim passerby found the men and realized that nobody was donating to the muslim. He went up to him and told the man carrying the sign to at least, not stand next to the christi...

Why do Reddit use Karma instead of another religious symbol?

We all know what happened last time when Christians fought for the Cross.

I bought a 12ft tall multiplication symbol and just realised I can also use it as an addition symbol too.

That's a big plus.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Has anyone else noticed that the symbol "&"...

...looks like a man dragging his butt across the floor?

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The American flag used to be a symbol for freedom and liberty...

But now it means, "Oh yeah. This person is about to say some real dumb shit on Facebook".

Why is the symbol for infinity an 8 lying down?

Because after someone ate, lying down is infinitely better.

Do you know why Canada has "the Beaver" as it's national symbol?

Because Canada is the best "damn" country in the world!

My HS Chemistry teacher told us how to remember the periodic symbols for Silver and Gold-

If someone tried to steal your silver, you'd say A G, I lost my silver. But if someone tried to steal your gold, you'd say A U! Give me back my gold!

The New National Symbol

The government today announced that it is changing its national symbol to a CONDOM because it more accurately reflects the government’s political stance.

A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, and gives you a sense of security while you’re actually bein...

I remember when the hashtag symbol was the pound symbol...

With that in mind... #metoo

So Pepe is now an international hate symbol...

FeelsBadMan.

What symbol dispels a hex?

A hexagon!

-In collaboration with my kid sister.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A guy was recruited for the first settlement on another planet....

The Settlement Chief met him on the landing site.

"This place is going to take some getting used to. It's like a mirror version of Earth. The elements which are rare on Earth are the most abundant here while the common elements are extremely rare."

"So why are we here then," the guy a...

How did the trout become a symbol for Christianity?

Easy. By dropping "trou"

Sure, the BMW symbol kind of looks like a sphincter, but

I could already tell by the way you were driving.

American political party symbols are spot on...

Trump is the elephant in the room, and the DNC is full of jackasses!

In 1240 CE, the Mongols invaded Tibet

... and the Tibetan leader, Lama Sakya Pandita, marshaled all able-bodied men in Lhasa to repel the invasion. Commoners, nobility and peasants answered the summons, but Sakya's own monks hesitated. After all, they had all taken vows of nonviolence, and had not harmed so much as a fly since their i...

What's the greatest symbol of inequality?

Two drums and a symbol fall off a cliff...

[www.instantrimshot.com](http://instantrimshot.com/classic/?sound=rimshot)

A New Metal has been added to Chemistry

Name: Woman
Symbol: Wm
Atomic mass: Light when first found... tends to get heavier with time.


**PHYSICAL PROPERTIES**

- Boils at any time
- Can freeze at any time
- Melts if treated with love
- Very Bitter if Mishandled


**CHEMICAL PROPERTIES** ...

A man runs out of money in a foreign Asian country

A man runs out of money while traveling a foreign country in Asia. Desperate for food he hears the locals discussing the Monks and their great kindness. Hearing this, the man decides to seek out the temple and beg the monks for food.

After finding the temple, the man is taken in and well fed....

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A woman had been seeing a psychiatrist for several sessions.

At the end of one of them, she said to the shrink, "I have a question that's been bugging me for weeks."

The psychiatrist said, "What do you need to know?"

The woman replied, "You have been talking about phallic symbols. What's a phallus?"

The psychiatrist was take aback by the...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A businessman is getting ready to go on a long business trip. He knows his wife is always horny, so he decides to get her something to keep her occupied while he was gone, because he didn’t much like the idea of her screwing someone else.

So he went to a store that sold sex toys and started looking around. He thought about a life-sized sex doll, but that was too close to another man for him. He was browsing through the dildos, looking for something special to please his wife, and started talking to the old man behind the counter. He ...

Man playing golf

A man was playing golf on a bright sunny day, he could see the hole in front of him and he decides to take a swing.

Unfortunately he misses and the ball lands in a bush so he decides to run over to find it. Whilst looking for the ball he finds a golden lamp, he notices that it is quite dirty...

One day, workers at a hospital noticed something very peculiar.

Everyday Tuesday, at approximately 11:24 pm, whichever patient was lying in bed 3 in room 152 would inexplicably die, no matter what condition they were in. This phenomenon went on for sometime, baffling scientists and doctors all over the world and starting many conspiracy theories centered on the...

Did you hear that a new element was just discovered?

Its atomic symbol is Ah, and it’s called the element of surprise.

(Got this from a friend)

Mike Tyson in Egypt

So mike Tyson is vacation in Egypt. He is having a great time but slowly begins to run out of things to do. A few days go by and he even grows tired of gawking at the pyramids. He’s searching for something to do! He heads to his local marketplace. There he finds a book on ancient Egyptian hieroglyph...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman are all to give speeches to the Deaf and Dumb Society.

All are intent on making an impression on their audience. The Englishman goes first, and to the surprise of his colleagues, starts by rubbing first his chest, and then his groin. When he finishes, the Scotsman and Irishman ask him what he was doing.

“Well,” he explained, “by rubbing my chest ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A rabbi and the Pope have a religious debate

Several of the Pope's officials are concerend about the growing Jewish population in Rome, so the encourage the Holy Father to set up a religious debate with the head Rabbi. If the Rabbi loses, he must leave Rome. If he wins, they can stay.

However, the Rabbi doesn't speak Italian or Latin an...

The Floppy Disk is like Jesus.

It died to become the Symbol of saving.

5 Jokes About Pi

1. Divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter and what do you get?
Pumpkin Pi

2. I saw a movie and gave it a 3.1415 out of 5.
It was Life of Pi

3. My friend decided to get a tattoo of the symbol pi on his face.
It was an irrational decision

4. Who was the r...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

[nsfw] Voodoo Dick (Long)

Lucia popped into her local South American produce shop on the way home from work (it was enchilada night). While browsing she got a call from her bff Natalie and spent some time talking about the recent divorce, and her lack of sex life. Shortly after hanging up, she was approached by the store cle...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A young stock broker had just parked his BMW

As he opened the door, a car zoomed past ripping the door from his car. A police officer happened to be walking past, and quickly ran over to the driver. “Are you alright?”, he asked. The stock broker whined, “My Beemer! Look what he did to my Beemer!” Disgusted the officer growled, “You greedy Wall...

Einstein dies and goes to heaven

Einstein dies and goes to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter tells him,

"You look like Einstein, but you have NO idea the lengths that some people will go to

sneak into Heaven. Can you prove who you really are?"

Einstein ponders for a few seconds and asks, "Could I have a ...

So I was walking down the street one day, when an oddly dressed man caught my attention.

He was wearing a long, white, clinical robe and shouting at nearly everybody that came within his proximity. Having foolishly stopped out of curiosity he approached me. “Global Warming is having a drastic effect on the globes axis!”, he yelped. “The rotation of the Earth is speeding up dramatically,...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A businessman is going out of town for 3 weeks...

His wife is a total nympho and he knows that she will never be able to remain faithful for that long. In an attempt to quell her sexual appetite, he goes to a sex shop on the outskirts of town. He spends several minutes pouring over dozens of dildos, dongs, vibrators, and other toys. However, he kno...

A woman and her husband are eating at a Chinese restaurant.

The woman loves how artistic the Chinese language looks written, so she takes home a menu and chooses her favorite symbols and knits a sweater with said symbols on the front.

A few months later her and her husband are invited to his company's party. She decides this is the perfect time to wea...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

#METOO

Many adults still read the symbol # as ‘pound,’ not ‘hashtag’ so imagine their surprise to learn a movement meant to bring awareness to sexual assault and harassment was named ‘pound me too,’

A man is getting into the shower

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.

When she opens the door, their neighbour, Jimmy, is standing there. Before she can say anything, Jimmy says "I'll give you $80...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A redditor forgot his e-mail password, so he tried to change it. Here's how it went

"penis"

-Password to short-

"bigpenis"

-Password needs to contain at least one number-

"12inchpenisdammit"

-Password needs to contain at least one symbol

"12'penisforfuckssake"

-Passwords needs to contain at least one upper case letter-

"Jesusm...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Pedro is sitting in a sauna with two other men...

...when suddenly, a jingle goes off.

One of the guys make a telephone symbol with his hand, brings his hand up to his ear, then begins a conversation directly into it.

When he's finished, Pedro says, "whoa man, what was that?!"

"Ah, that's the newest technology," replied the m...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Three young men were caught doing drugs and taken to court

The judge said to them "I should have you all punished severely, but I'd like to give you a chance. I'd like you to go out and convince other young people not to take drugs, but I'd like you to do it using this piece of paper."

He gave them each a small piece of paper with two circles on them...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

More than a bit racist

An Arab man comes home one day to his wife and child and says, "My sweet flower, I'm sick of all the dirty looks and prejudice. It's time we convert to Christianity, life will be easier."

The family goes to a priest and the father asks if the priest can convert the family to Christianity. ...

You have to appreciate how badass those Chinese are...

They made a language totally out of tattoo symbols.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

She wants me

Guy 1: That girl is so into me!

Guy 2: Wtf you talking about?! She hates you!

Guy 1: Bro, She called me a symbol of masculinity!

Guy 2: Dude, she called you a dick

Sorry, your password must contain..

a capital letter, 2 numbers, a symbol, an inspiring message, a spell, a gang sign, a hieroglyph and the blood of a virgin

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An American, a Russian, and a Japanese bomber are each about to leave on a mission,

The Japanese bomber drops a rope over his hometown as a symbol of good luck, the Russian bomber drops a coin over his hometown as a symbol of good luck, and the American bomber drops a bomb over his hometown as a symbol of good luck.

After the mission the Japanese pilot goes back to his homet...

I have this friend, he's a real legend.

he's always telling me what the different symbols mean on maps.

My wife died last week

It's ironic because her zodiac symbol was cancer. She was killed by a giant crab

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

One day the pope decided to throw all the Jews out of Rome...

He made an announcement to the Jewish community: "Send me your smartest scholar to convince me why I should let the Jewish people stay and I may reconsider my stance." The Roman Jewish community sent Rabbi Moshe, a 78 year old Hebrew school teacher and, according to everyone but himself, the smartes...

Trump at the Olympics

Donald Trump is opening the Olympic Games and has to read a speech.

"Oh" he says. "Oh, oh, oh ..."

An aide nudges him, "Mr. Trump, stop," he says. "You're reading the Olympic symbol."

Geometry professor goes into a tattoo shop and asks to get π on his back.

After a few hours he asks the tattoo artist, "Why is it taking so long to do the symbol for pi?" "Oh!" said the artist, surprised. "You wanted the *symbol*."

Terminator walks into a police station

He opens the first office and two police officers stand there mouths open. They reach for their pistols, but the Terminator opens his mouth and out shoots the sound of ear piercing violins. The police officers drop their pistols and clench their hands against their ears, but it's too much, their hea...

Sodium

Person 1: "Hey dude do you know what the symbol for Sodium is?"

Person 2: "Na"

Person 1: "I'll ask someone else then thanks anyway"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why I changed my name

Well, for my story to make any sense, I need to clarify that I'm somewhat of a celebrity in my country. I think even internationally people have heard about me, though I'm not too sure about it (fortunately the people who know about me also tend to be technologically a bit behind the curve, so you d...

A little Indian boy asked his father...

...the big chief and witch doctor of the tribe, "Papa, why is it that we always have long names, while the white men have shorter names - Bill, Tex or Sam, for example?"
His father replied, "Look, son, our names represent a symbol, a sign, or a poem for our culture not like the white men, who liv...

"Hey, wanna play a game?"

A blonde and a lawyer find themselves sitting next to each other on airplane. As take-off begins the lawyer already finds himself getting bored, and so he turns to the blonde and says "Hey, wanna play a game?" Slightly interested, the blonde turns back to him and says "What is it?"

"Well, the...

It is 1538 and the Dissolution of Monasteries by King Henry VIII is in progress...

having broken away from the Catholic church, Henry had angered many adherents both domestic and abroad, and sought to shut down any institutions that swore their allegiance to the Catholic church before he had a revolt on his hands.

He attempted to completely squash all churches, monasteri...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Cave Excavation

A team of American and British archaeologists was excavating in Israel when they came upon a cave. Written on the wall of the cave were the following symbols in their order of appearance:

1. a woman
2. a donkey
3. a shovel
4. a fish
5. a Star of David

They decided that this...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The Mathematician from Brooklyn

A mathematician hailing from Brooklyn, NY gets invited to the annual conference for mathematics, statistics and logic. Upon arriving, he notices that a world-renown professor is hosting what was listed as "The Unbeatable Brain-Teaser". He decides to sign up, and gets in the single-file line for a on...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click herefor more information.