UPJOKE
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Symbol Jokes

Why are the Russian forces in Ukraine using the symbol "Z"?

Because the other half of the swastika fell off due to poor Russian maintenance.

The name and symbol for Bluetooth are based on a Danish-Norwegian king, dubbed ‘Harald Bluetooth’

He had three wives, and four children between them. One then became his heir.

In other words, Bluetooth paired successfully

I met the man who invented the part of a map that explains what each symbol means.

What a legend.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The American flag used to be a symbol for freedom and liberty...

But now it means, "Oh yeah. This person is about to say some real dumb shit on Facebook".

Why is He the symbol for helium?

Because it makes you giggle.^(HeHeHe)

What’s the bird that symbolizes…

What’s the bird that symbolizes peace?

The Dove.

What’s the bird that symbolizes death?

The Raven.

What’s the bird that symbolizes True Love?

The Swallow.

Christmas Symbols

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates. "In honor of this holy season," Saint Peter said, "you must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven." The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "It...

why did people start calling the pound symbol hashtag

Because pound me too doesnt get the point across

Three drums and a symbol fall off a cliff.

Ba
Dum bum....

Pish

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Has anyone else noticed that the symbol "&"...

...looks like a man dragging his butt across the floor?

Growing up we didn't have a lot of money. I had to use a hand-me-down calculator with no multiplication symbol on it.

Times were tough

The New National Symbol

The government today announced that it is changing its national symbol to a CONDOM because it more accurately reflects the government’s political stance.

A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, and gives you a sense of security while you’re actually bein...

I bought a 12ft tall multiplication symbol and just realised I can also use it as an addition symbol too.

That's a big plus.

One popular feminine symbol of true romance is roses on a piano.

Most masculine ideas of romance include tulips on an organ.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My friend taught me something interesting: the swastika is an ancient Indian religious symbol, only appropriated recently by Hitler as a symbol of hate.

I said, “Brett, that’s interesting, but are you really going to explain that to every employer that asks about your tattoo?“

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A team of archaeologists were excavating in Israel when they found…

A team of archaeologists were excavating in Israel when they found a cave with the symbols of a woman, a donkey, a shovel, a fish and a Star of David on the wall.

Pointing to the first drawing,
the head of the team declared: “This indicates these people were family oriented and held women...

TIL that Garden Gnomes are a symbol of good luck.

It’s a little gnome fact.

A woman has two admirers.

One of them is a doctor, and the other is a deaf guy.
Every day, the doctor gives the woman a rose.
And every day, the deaf guy gives her an apple.
One day, the woman says to the the deaf guy: "Hey, that doctor gives me a rose every day, and I get the symbolism of that. But why do you give...

I asked my sciemce teacher what the chemical symbol for sodium was...

He said "Na"

Reddit's logo should be a bit more green.

To symbolize the amount of reused and recycled content.

What is thanos’ least favorite symbol?

A check mark. The lines that make it aren’t perfectly balanced

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I've been described as a sex symbol

However, that symbol is a question mark

My friend had cancer for her zodiac symbol, its ironic how she died.

She was eaten by a giant crab.

What symbol dispels a hex?

A hexagon!

-In collaboration with my kid sister.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was an American wrestler from Texas named John, who throughout his high school career had never lost a match. As he went on into college he continued undefeated. He became a national icon and symbol of American strength.

News began to circulate of a Russian wrestler who was fierce and unstoppable. As each wrestlers legends grew, a match was set up between the two, America versus Russia. The match would be held in Texas.

John began training immediately. Every day his coach would tell him, “This Russ ...

Why do Reddit use Karma instead of another religious symbol?

We all know what happened last time when Christians fought for the Cross.

What's the greatest symbol of inequality?

≠

During an exam, a student pokes the guy next to him and whispers, "pssst... is C the chemical symbol for chlorine?"

He whispers back, "Na, Cl you idiot!".

"OK thanks..." replies the student, "but why so salty?"

Do you know why Canada has "the Beaver" as it's national symbol?

Because Canada is the best "damn" country in the world!

Hey mate do you know what are the chemicals symbols for sodium, bromine and oxygen?

Na BrO !

Why is the symbol for infinity an 8 lying down?

Because after someone ate, lying down is infinitely better.

Lord of the Rings is symbolic of Marriage

One ring rules your life, it slowly destroys you, and sometimes, death seems easier than continuing on.

How did the trout become a symbol for Christianity?

Easy. By dropping "trou"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Guy walks into a hotel

A few years back, a feeder tournament for the World Series of Poker has attracted a lot of people to the town where it is being held, and every hotel in town is sold out. A guy without a reservation walks in and asks for a room. The desk clerk tells him “Sorry, but there are no rooms available. Due ...

Two drums and a symbol fall off a cliff...

[www.instantrimshot.com](http://instantrimshot.com/classic/?sound=rimshot)

A friend of mine always helps me out with maps and diagrams, pointing out all the little symbols and what they mean ...

The guy is a legend.

A guy goes up to a Mexican and asks if he knew what the symbol for potassium was

“¿Que?”

American political party symbols are spot on...

Trump is the elephant in the room, and the DNC is full of jackasses!

What did the student say after learning all the symbols on the periodic table?

“Fluorine-Uranium-Carbon-Potassium this! Never again!”

Sure, the BMW symbol kind of looks like a sphincter, but

I could already tell by the way you were driving.

My Jewish neighbor has been moving huge bags of yeast and empty kegs with weird symbols into his garage.

Turns out Hebrews

We were having so much bad luck on our cul-de-sac that the HOA thought we had been cursed. They brought in a witch doctor and druid to scribe protective symbols and runes all over the road...

...well, that's the ward on the street anyway.

MY boss has been telling this one all week. Which bird symbolizes great wisdom?

Which bird symbolizes great wisdom? The owl, of course. Which bird symbolizes bravery and freedom? Most of us know it's the eagle. What type of bird symbolizes love? That would be a dove. Now, what kind bird symbolizes absolute, true love? The Swallow!

My HS Chemistry teacher told us how to remember the periodic symbols for Silver and Gold-

If someone tried to steal your silver, you'd say A G, I lost my silver. But if someone tried to steal your gold, you'd say A U! Give me back my gold!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy was recruited for the first settlement on another planet....

The Settlement Chief met him on the landing site.

"This place is going to take some getting used to. It's like a mirror version of Earth. The elements which are rare on Earth are the most abundant here while the common elements are extremely rare."

"So why are we here then," the guy a...

Somebody told me that if you look at the symbols in the corner of a map and see the words "Bloody Rosemary," something horrible will happen.

But that's just an herb in legend.

Einstein dies and goes to heaven

Einstein dies and goes to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter tells him,

"You look like Einstein, but you have NO idea the lengths that some people will go to

sneak into Heaven. Can you prove who you really are?"

Einstein ponders for a few seconds and asks, "Could I have a ...

Give me your best/worst jokes.

There is a really cute blonde barista at the coffee shop I go to, I already told her the two best I have. Please send me your best or worst. Dad jokes are extra appreciated.

//actual joke I told her//

Did you hear the big science news? They discovered a new element. It has elemental sy...

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An Englishman ,a Scotsman and an Irishman are all going to give speeches to the Deaf Society and are keen to make an impression on their audience…

The Englishman goes first and to the surprise of his colleagues starts by rubbing first his chest and then his groin.

When he finishes, the Scotsman and Irishman ask him what he was doing.

"Well…" he explained, "By rubbing my chest, I indicated breasts and thus Ladies and by rubbing m...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was a businessman whose wife was REALLY into sex.

He was a hardworking guy but still managed to satisfy his wife's needs.

One time he had to leave for another country for a business meet. He would've been gone for a week.
He knew his wife's sex drive and didn't want to take risks so he thought he should gift her something so she can sat...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The official list of emojis for 2019 has been updated to include a drop of blood, which is meant to symbolize menstruation. Although, if tech companies really wanted to accurately portray the suffering caused by periods...

...they should use an emoji of a husband quietly masturbating in the bathroom.

There was this guy on the road

There was this guy on the road who was found painted grey with a white push bike symbol painted on. He said he lays down on roads to camouflage himself waiting for people to ride their bikes over him because he enjoyed the feeling.

This guy was a real cycle path.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Shai is excited for his trip to Mexico because he is an avid SCUBA diver.

When he goes, he finds a company that can take him to the reefs and links up with a dive leader. While on the boat preparing their tanks, the leader begins talking him about the different types of animals that they will see. Since the both of them will not be able to communicate verbally, the dive l...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Oxford University researchers have discovered the densest element yet known to science.

The new element, Governmentium (symbol=Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like partic...

I’m giving out my personal credit card info to anyone that wants it

It’s several shades of blue, very thin, about 3” long and 2” tall with these little raised numbers and letters on it, it has what looks like a SIM card on one end, a WiFi symbol looking thingy on the front, it has a bunch of tiny words and some additional numbers on the back with a solid black secti...

A visitor from Holland was chatting with his American friend and was jokingly explaining about the red, white and blue in the Netherlands flag.

“Our flag symbolizes our taxes," he said. "We get red when we talk about them, white when we get our tax bill, and blue after we pay them."

"That's the same with us," the American said, "only we see stars, too."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Cave Excavation

A team of American and British archaeologists was excavating in Israel when they came upon a cave. Written on the wall of the cave were the following symbols in their order of appearance:

1. a woman
2. a donkey
3. a shovel
4. a fish
5. a Star of David

They decided that this...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young stock broker had just parked his BMW

As he opened the door, a car zoomed past ripping the door from his car. A police officer happened to be walking past, and quickly ran over to the driver. “Are you alright?”, he asked. The stock broker whined, “My Beemer! Look what he did to my Beemer!” Disgusted the officer growled, “You greedy Wall...

There are three kittens on a roof (science/nerd joke)

There are three kittens on a roof in a rain storm. Which is the last to slide off?

The one with the highest mu.

............................................................


(mu (can't create the symbol) is the coefficient of friction. But I bet you knew that already)

A man takes his seat at a FIFA World Cup Final

He looks to his left & notices that there is a spare seat betwen himself & the next guy.

MAN: "who would ever miss the FIFA world cup final?"

GUY: "that was my wife's seat. We have been to the last five world cup finals together, but sadly she passed away."

MAN: "oh... t...

Floppy disks are like Jesus

They died to become a symbol of saving

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A man walks into a bank

He's wearing a mask goes up to counter and makes a finger gun symbol

The clerk asks him still in shock 'i- i- is- this a stick up'

The man looks at the ground and goes 'No!, I forgot my gun this is a fuck up'

Two beggars were sitting side by side in front of the Love Fountain in Rome, Italy.

One had a Cross in front of him; the other one was holding the Star of David. Many people went by, looked at both beggars, but only put money into the box of the beggar sitting behind the Cross.

The Pope came to the area. He stopped to watch the throngs of people giving money to the beggar wh...

Geometry professor goes into a tattoo shop and asks to get π on his back.

After a few hours he asks the tattoo artist, "Why is it taking so long to do the symbol for pi?" "Oh!" said the artist, surprised. "You wanted the *symbol*."

The Ancient Romans were debating how to count things

Their city state was already hundreds of years old, and their Republic was barrelling down the pathway to Empire: but they still hadn't decided fully how to count things.

The Senate was a blaze of fury as populares and optimates rowed over the proper way to measure and record all things numer...

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Three men are killed in a crash on Christmas Day, and all find themselves at St. Peter's gate....

St. Peter says to the men:"Seeing as it's Christmas time, you'll each need to show me something that symbolizes the spirit of the season, to get through the gate."

The first man fishes in his pocket and pulls out his lighter, and lights it, and says:"Candles symbolize Christmas!"

St. P...

Did you know that cultures with arranged marriages typically serve melon at the wedding feast?

Yep. It symbolizes the fact that they cantelope.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An American, a Russian, and a Japanese bomber are each about to leave on a mission,

The Japanese bomber drops a rope over his hometown as a symbol of good luck, the Russian bomber drops a coin over his hometown as a symbol of good luck, and the American bomber drops a bomb over his hometown as a symbol of good luck.

After the mission the Japanese pilot goes back to his homet...

Did you hear that a new element was just discovered?

Its atomic symbol is Ah, and it’s called the element of surprise.

(Got this from a friend)

How many existancialists does it take to change a light bulb?

Two.

One to change the light bulb and one who observes how it symbolizes an incandescent beacon of subjectivity in another world of cosmic nothingness.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 guys die after a Christmas party...

3 guys, after a night of drinking at an office Christmas party, get in their car to leave, only to get into a car crash a few moments later and die. At the gate of heaven, the angel says "because it's Christmas, you can pass through this gate if you have something on you that symbolizes Christmas"....

Computer: Choose a password

Me: hi-hat


Computer: Password cannot contain symbols

Donald Trump, Robert Mueller, and Vladimir Putin find themselves standing at the Pearly Gates.

“Are we dead?”, Mueller asks.

“No,” Saint Peter says. “You’ll be going back shortly. I need to correct a mistake that was made before any of you were born. We mixed up your names! See,” he turns to Mueller, “you were supposed to be named Trump, to symbolize how, like a Trumpet, you are to s...

You Might Be An Accountant If

you deduct Exlax as "Moving expenses".

you have no idea that GAP is also a clothing store.

while watching the movie Indecent Proposal you did a NPV calculation.

getting to sleep is an exciting event that you look forward to all day long.

your idea of trashing your hot...

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