This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I wasn't the only one in my house who was offended by the overly sexual nature of this year's Super Bowl Halftime Show.

Even my teenage son ran to his room so he wouldn't have to watch it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If pooping is “when nature calls”

is a fart a missed call?

Mankind vs mommy nature

Mankind: we will never slow down or shut down to help this climate change.


Mommy nature: Here is a virus. Practice.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My dad to me today: you know how poop is called nature's call, right? What do you call a fart then?

Nature's missed call.

A white man visits a rural tribe in Africa

A white man wants to take the trip of a lifetime, and decides on a trip to Africa. He is in a go nowhere job, with no friends or family, and is feeling down. He quits his job and decides to travel to a remote area, far from civilization. He does not like the touristy vibe that some places give off, ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two boys in Egypt free a crocodile...

In a small village in Egypt lived two orphan boys, Set and Amenhotep. They always watched out for each other, well past their years of childhood and into their time as young adults.


One day, the two were walking outside the village when they saw a crocodile trapped in a poacher’s snare....

Why did the chicken cross the road?

DONALD TRUMP: I've been told by my many sources, good sources - they're very good sources - that the chicken crossed the road. All the Fake News wants to do is write nasty things about the road, but it's a really good road. It's a beautiful road. Everyone knows how beautiful it is.

Joe Biden:...

I was watching a nature show with my wife's brother...

when he asked me if the orangutan in the show was related to me.
I said yes, he's an in-law.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dave’s driving along the highway one evening when all of a sudden nature calls.

He sees a little bar up the way and he pulls into the parking lot.



When he gets inside, he finds the place is packed! The bar is crowded with people trying to get drinks, ladies are dancing on the tables and there’s hardly standing room anywhere.

Banta scans the place a couple...

In all of nature, the grizzly bear has the most unusual mating call...

Mama Bear looks at Papa Bear and says "Stick it in my cubby hole."

They say plastic wrap destroys nature

That's why I use it indoors

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Beware of penalty strokes

A husband and wife were out playing golf. They tee off, and one drive goes to the right and one drive goes to the left. The wife finds her ball in a patch of buttercups. She grabs a club and takes a mighty swing at the ball. She hits a beautiful second shot, but in the process she hacks the hell out...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two women go out one Saturday night without their husbands. As they come back, right before dawn, both of them drunk, they felt nature calling.

They noticed that the only place to stop was a cemetery.

Scared and drunk, they stopped and decided to go there anyway.

The first one did not have anything to pat herself dry with, so she took off her panties, used them and discarded them.

The second woman, not finding anything ...

I'm always amazed at the wonders of nature and how in tune they are with the Earth itself. For example, when ducks fly in V-formation, do you know why one side is often longer than the other?

Its because that side has more ducks in it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Best pals, Frank and Paul, are out for a day of golf. On the third hole, Paul accidentally putts the ball into a field of buttercups. Determined to get the ball back onto the green, he demolishes half of the flowers in the process. As he raises his club to take another swing...POOF! Mother Nature

appears. "What have you done?!! As punishment for destroying my precious buttercups, you shall have no butter for your toast ever again. No butter for baked potatoes either. Actually, no. You shall have no butter for anything...for the rest of your life!" And then, POOF! She was gone.

In tota...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A doctor joke

(You May only get if you understand the nature of the different medical specialties)

A surgeon, internist, radiologist, and pathologist go duck hunting for the first time.

They are huddled in the duck blind and the first bird goes flying in front of them, but they can’t clearly make o...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the heaviest thing in nature?

Shit, even an elephant can't hold it.

I have a good nature joke

But after listening to it, everyone just leaves

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A panda walks into a bar

He asks the bartender for a sandwich. Upon consuming it, he pulls out a pistol and shoots the bartender, then leave.

After a chase ensued the police begin to apprehend the panda. However, due to his size, they can't do it without the panda's co-operation, and every time the police try to rest...

When a Queen Bee mates thousands of males gather round and try to impregnate her. Before the act of mating is done, she will have stored sperm inside her from about 30 to 50 males. This is an amazing aspect of nature.

So, much love to my man Jay-Z.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A father and son go on a nature expedition in Alaska.

On their first day, they meet their guide who gives them a rundown of everything they can expect during their trip. During the conversation, the son notices a very large caliber pistol strapped to the ranger's side. "Wow, that's a big pistol" he comments, "What do you use it for?" "Well son, this is...

Mother nature has pinned our eviction notice.

I'm pretty sure we wont be getting our deposit back...

You guys know blue doesn’t exist in nature?

It’s just a pigment of your imagination.

A man was trying to understand the nature of God, and asked him:

“God, how long is a million
years to you?” God answered: “A million years is like a minute.” Then the man asked: “God, how
much is a million dollars to you?” And God replied: “A million dollars is like a penny.” Finally
the man asked: “God, could you give me a penny?” And God said, “In a mi...

Things You Don’t Want to Hear During Surgery:

Oops!

Has anyone seen my watch?

That was some party last night. I can’t remember when I’ve been that drunk.

Damn! Page 47 of the manual is missing!

Well, this book doesn’t say that… What edition is your manual?

Ok, now take a picture from this angle. This is truly ...

I was walking with a stupid guy in a park near my house

I told him "Hey look at that beautiful forest over there! Isn't nature truly breathtaking, sometimes?"

He turns over to me and says: "Can't see it, there's these big trees on front blocking the view"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do Nature Valley Granola Bars make good trail food?

Because they go fucking-everywhere! When you eat them.

How Moral Are You?

This takes less than one minute and is incredibly accurate…well worth the little bit of effort I promise.

This test has only one question, but it's a very important one. By giving an honest answer you will discover where you stand morally.

The test features an unlikely and completely f...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So... Dave the Panda walk into a chinese restaurant...

The dude at the door looks at the panda and asks "Table for one?"

The panda looks around, and noticing that he is alone, and thinking he's a comedian, he says "unless you're joining me, yes. Table for one please."

He gets seated and the waiter asks what he wants.

Dave the panda ...

A 5G cell tower was built in a rural neighborhood

After the cell tower was erected, people living near the tower started reporting worrying symptoms, such as, as dizzy spells, vomiting, and insomnia.

Over the next few months, these symptoms increased in both frequency and intensity--sometimes people would completely lose consciousness and fa...

A fishing day

Once upon a time, a guy went to the river in order to enjoy nature and to do some fishing. When he was there he found out that he had forget the baits so he took a paper and wrote " lure " on it ,he put it on the hook and he had a sit waiting for a prey. After a while, he felt a move from the thread...

A woman came home to find her husband sleeping with another woman.

Distraught, the wife leave the house and decides to go and seek the advice of a wise monk who lives on a mountain.

The wife travels up the mountain to the monk and asks him for advice. The monk thinks for a minute and then offers the wife a cookie, she accepts and eats it, he then offers her ...

White priest goes and lives with an African tribe. He spends his days teaching the way of the lord.

After several years, a village woman gives birth to a white baby. The Chief is not happy with this. When he confronts the priest, the priest tries to explain these things happen in nature. With the chief not understanding, the priest tries to explain further.

"Ok chief. See that flock of shee...

Why do programmers and coders hate nature?

It has too many bugs.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Natures way

A bear squats down beside a tree to take a crap, looks around and see's a rabbit taking a crap.
" hey bunny may I ask you a question?"," sure," the rabbit says. "Do you have a problem with shit sticking to your fur when you crap". Rabbit says "no" so the bear picks up the rabbit and wipes his as...

There was once an incorrigible punster.

No matter the situation her'd have a groaner ready. One day, served a simple dinner of buns and water, he quipped: "The bun is the lowest form of wheat."

His friends were so tired that they decided to come up with a situation that he could not turn into a pun. They took him to visit an orpha...

My Dog is like nature

She abhors a vacuum

A renowned philosopher was held in high regard by his driver, who listened in awe as his boss lectured and answered difficult questions about the nature of things and the meaning of life.

Then, one day, the driver approached the philosopher and asked if he was willing to switch roles for just one evening. The philosopher agreed, and, for a while, the driver handled himself remarkably well.

However, when the time came for questions, someone at the back of the room asked him, "I...

Why is the forest floor covered in leaf litter?

Because nature abhors a vacuum

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A bear and a rabbit stumbled upon a magical lamp in the forest...

They rubbed it and guess what, a genie appeared. He granted both of them 3 wishes each. The rabbit asked the bear to go first, becuase he knew the bear's playboy nature.

Bear: I wish to be the most handsome bear in the whole world.
Genie: Granted.
Rabbit: I want a motorbike.
Genie (...

A bunch of nature television stars decide to have a barbecue.

Steve Irwin and Crocodile Dundee were talking. Crocodile Dundee asks, “Mate, there aren’t many people here, what’s everybody doing?” Steve Irwin says, “ Your washing plates and I’m setting the table.” Crocodile Dundee replies, “And who is that guy and what does he do?” Steve Irwin simply says, “Oh, ...

I took pictures of plants during a nature hike

When I went to get them developed, I thanked the clerk for his Photosynthesis.

My kids just got a puppy that is scared of every appliance in the house, but one in particular. I suggested they name it “Nature.”

Because nature abhors a vacuum.

A man walks up to an Indian hot dog vendor

Smirking to himself, he says, "Make me one with everything!" before handing over a twenty dollar bill.

The vendor chuckles good-naturedly before doing exactly that, piling a hot dog high with various condiments before handing it over. The man accepts it, but hesitates. "Where's my change?"...

One day in Contract Law class, Professor Jepson asked one of his better students, "Now if you were to give someone an orange, how would you go about it?" The student replied, "Here's an orange." The professor was livid. "No! No! Think like a lawyer!"

The student then recited, "Okay, I'd tell him, 'I hereby give and convey to you all and singular, my estate and interests, rights, claim, title, calim and advantages of and in, said orange, together with all its rind, juice, pulp, and seeds, and all rights and advantages with full power to bite, cut...

A band’s drummer dies suddenly

So the band has to audition for new drummers. They interview a bunch of people, and they decide to play a gig with the best one that night to see if he'll work out. It goes great, except after every song, the new drummer says something like "You gotta brush your teeth or else you'll get gum diease...

Why did the woodland creatures burn down the Hoover factory?

Because nature abhors a vacuum..

There once was a wise old man...

There once was a wise old man in a village. Old beyond memory, he channeled the knowledge of nature and the divine for his fellow townsfolk.


Many came to him with questions, until one day he took a vow of silence, shuttering his open door. Instead, he turned to his untended field. He wou...

A haiku I wrote

Expresses the constant frustration of poetry writing:

”this is really dumb”

I really don’t like this much

Its about nature”

A family is out on a trip to see nature.

Dad : And that up there, is a family of swallows.

Boy : That's so cool!

Girl : Wait a minute, where's mommy swallow?

Dad : I haven't seen mommy swallow since before you were born.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.