I decided to kill off a few characters in the book im writing.

It's really gonna spice up the autobiography.

A man asks an atheist if he had the ability to choose, which fictional character would he be

The atheist replied with " God "

All the characters in Harry Potter are so well-developed. Well, except Nearly-headless Nick...

He was poorly executed.

So my friend decided to get a face tattoo of her favourite Star Wars character

You should've seen the Luke on her face.

Virtually every Harry Potter character can teach us a lesson.

For example, Barty Crouch Jr. taught us that drinking can make you Moody.

My password needed eight characters

So I chose Snow White and the seven dwarves

My son Luke loves that we chose Star Wars characters as an inspiration when naming our kids.

His sister Chewbacca and his brother Boba Fett are less amused.

PASSWORD PROBLEMS ( LONG ONE )

Windows : Please enter your new password.

User : cabbage

Windows : Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters.

User : boiled cabbage

Windows : Sorry, the password must contain at least 1 numerical character.

User : 1 boiled cabbage

Windows : Sorry, t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I asked my wife to dress as my favourite Star Wars character for some sexy birthday fun

I walked into the bedroom that night and I was shocked,

"Love, Jabba the Hut is not my favourite Star Wars character" I exclaimed,

"Fuck off" She shouted "I haven't got dressed yet"

Did you hear that the new Fast and Furious movie will only have one character?

The whole thing is Ludacris!

How did the main character die?

He left his plot armor at home

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I recently saw one of those animated pornos that basically makes fictional characters have sex.

This one was about a certain famous, big superhero guy in red with an 'i' on his shirt, I can't remember his name. Anyway, the film was surprisingly good and left me thinking, 'that's just fucking incredible'.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Harry Potter has way too many characters...

Even J.K. Rowling has a hard time keeping all the characters straight.

Did you hear that the director to Pulp Fiction is making a movie based off of a Belgian comic book where the main character gets deathly ill with an incredibly infectious disease and therefore has to cut off all contact with the outside world?

It's "Quentin Tarantino's *Tintin's Quarantino*".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I think Rorschach was my least favorite character in Watchmen.

I mean, why would I want to watch a guy with pictures of my uncle's penis all over his face?

Bible characters on Tinder

What would the tinder profiles of Bible characters look like?

Example: Delilah - Philistine and feisty. Strong guys make me weak. I am an aspiring hairdresser

whats the difference between a harry potter character and someone who smokes

one is a hufflepuff the other huffs and puffs

Her: Who's your favourite Muppet Show character?

Me: The vampire

Her: That's Sesame Street – he doesn't count

Me: I can assure you that he does

I've developed a craving for strong female characters that I can't seem to knock. That's right...

I'm addicted to heroine.

What kind of book authors should never kill off any of their characters for drama?

Biographers.

Two marvel characters that lost their vision

1. Daredevil

2. Scarlet Witch

Who is the quirkiest fictional character?

All For One

Iron Man is a very confusing character.

I know he’s a guy but he could’ve been Fe Male.

I took a picture of a meteor shower that looked just like the main character from The Legend of Zelda.

Link in the comets.

The character of Nearly Headless Nick was a bit of a letdown in the Harry Potter movies.

In the books, he had so much more development, including an entire deathday party. In the movies though, he was just so badly executed.

What's a train's favorite Star Wars character?

Choochoobacca

Who is the cutest character on Dora the Explorer?

Benny, because he's a Dora bull.

(Thought of this all myself. I've reached full dad joke level here - please kill me.)

A blonde's office computer had technical issues

IT support came over to the desk and said he needed password to access her account.

"It's 'MickeyMinnieBatmanSupergirlWonderwomanLondon'" she replied.

"A bit unusual for a password, how did you come up with it?" the support dude asked.

She went "Because computer said the passwor...

How do Super Smash Bros characters talk to the dead?

Waluigi board



Get bamboozled

My crush asked my help to impress a boy. So I told her we should pretend to date to make him jealous.

We've now been married for 10 years and have a kid and she hasn't made any progress with that guy. Maybe I should stop beating him up every time he tries to meet her?

Nah. Need to stay in character.

Which biblical character is the best at aerobics?

Pontius Pilates

What Disney character can count the highest?

Buzz Lightyear, to infinity and beyond.

My parents read the book I was writing. They said the main character wasn't likeable.

It was an autobiography…

Benedict Cumberbatch and his Marvel character have one thing in common...

Both of their last names are strange

My Girlfriend has been repeatedly asking me “Are you a character from Alice in Wonderland?” and it’s getting really annoying

My Friend asked me “Are you mad at her?”

I replied “Don’t you start too”

Recently I found out that the 'r' and 'l' characters are the same in Korean.

I guess that explains why they like their elections so much.

You know who's the best character in the Game of Thrones show right now?

It *Varys*

Who’s Jon Snow’s favorite character from “Cars”?

Lightning MuhQueen

At the beginning of Naruto, the three main characters existed in a 'love square'.

Naruto loves Sakura, Sakura loves Sasuke, Sasuke loves nobody, and nobody loves Naruto.

You're a Savage Warrior. You're a barbarian. You come from a city in Iran. You're a Barbar Barbarian.

You're known for hanging around your favorite drinking establishment. You're a Barbar bar barbarian.

You get exiled. You're a barred Barbar bar barbarian.

You get a job cutting hair. You're a barred Barbar bar barbarian barber.

You are the exclusive hairstylist of a popular chil...

Started reading the bible.

Could not bother finishing. Jesus is such a Mary Sue and lacking in any true character development. 1 star.

A math teacher is teaching his class in a green costume

Halloween was soon, so he and most of the school was dressed up.

He decided to dress up as The Flash, as he was a popular character among the students, but not knowing the character well, he ended up with a green version of the costume.

After a bit of mocking by the students, he began ...

The Pentagon is changing the nuclear codes to over 140 characters

So Trump can't tweet it

Going to the dentist is like those movies where a character gets interrogated violently.

It’s pretty clear to them when you’re lying — and if you don’t come clean, you might lose a tooth.

Some network jokes

"Hi, I'd like to hear a TCP joke."

"Hello, would you like to hear a TCP joke?"

"Yes, I'd like to hear a TCP joke."

"OK, I'll tell you a TCP joke."

"Ok, I will hear a TCP joke."

"Are you ready to hear a TCP joke?"

"Yes, I am ready to hear a TCP joke."

...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"Have you ever broken up with someone over a single character flaw?"

My ex-girlfriend and I were a perfect match.

Like Batman and Robin.

Only we didn’t solve crimes and the tight, latex outfits we owned were used in the bedroom and not on the streets.

I truly thought she was the one.

But she had one character flaw that proved too great to ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Although I wouldn't say it's a major character flaw,

my premature ejaculation is certainly a shortcominng.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Dublin man sees a sign outside a Kerry farmhouse: 'Talking Dog For Sale'....

He rings the bell, the owner appears and tells him the dog can be viewed in the back garden.
The man sees a very nice looking Black Labrador Retriever sitting there.
"Do you really talk?" He asks the dog.
"Yes!" The Labrador replies.
After recovering from the shock of hearing the dog tal...

The media keeps trying to assassinate the character of Donald Trump and I think it is a waste of time...

You can't assassinate what isn't there.

All of the Undertale characters had a big orgy...

But nobody came.

Why is Punisher the funniest Marvel character?

Because he has the best punchlines.

Anytime I watch a Jennifer Anniston movie, it seems like she’s playing the same character.

She is a victim of Rachel profiling.

How many Dragon Ball Z characters does it take to change a lightbulb?

1, but it’s gonna take about 5 episodes.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There's a new exhibit at disneyworld that features statues of some disney favorite characters.

A tour guide is leading guests through the exhibit as they pass such favorites as Mickey and Minnie Mouse, Donald Duck, Goofy, as well as Pluto. As they're going through they pass a statue that's in the shape of a giant turd. Puzzled, one of the guests pipes up and asks the tour guide, "what's the d...

Is Goose from Captain Marvel a good character?

You're flerken right he is.

Busrides are good for your character.

They keep you grounded

I hate this show.

It’s so poorly written. They introduce so many new characters, it’s impossible to keep track. And it seems like some of them hardly do anything, they just hang around and say, like, five lines per episode.

What’s it called? Hang on, let me check.

“Presidential debate.”

Which GoT character has the most handles?

King of the Andals.

What makes LGBT game characters unique from other characters?

they don’t shoot in a straight line

A larger-than-life character, Big Tony, walks into a bar.

Big Tony orders a drink. He bellows out, "when Big Tony drinks, everybody drinks!" The patrons of the bar all rush to get served their favorite tipple.

Then he orders some food. "When Big Tony eats, everybody eats!" Suddenly the kitchen is overwhelmed.

He places a twenty on the bar, an...

A blonde came up to the librarian and yelled, "This book sucks! There's way too many characters and the story makes no sense!"

The librarian said, "So you're the one who took our phone book."

My good freind Jake is writing my biography

I told him he should kill off the main character

R2D2 is the most obscene character in film history

They had to beep out every word he said

This is so true

Even though Spongebob is the main character…

Patrick is the star.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do characters in books and movies always prefer walking or running down hills?

Because Rowling makes them gay.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Stan Lee wrote Tony Stark as a character with a sexual identity crisis.

He's all man, but likes to dress as FEmale

Where do the Game of Thrones characters go to get their clothing pressed?

The Iron Islands.
...I'm so sorry, I've been re-watching the entire series in preparation for April and this stupid joke popped into my head after my Mum bought a new iron :3

People say that Rorschach from Watchmen is a great character.

But I don’t really know what people see in him.

We should have an orgy with all the Dr. Seuss characters

Whos with me

Who is the most misogynistic Super Smash Brothers character?

Inceleroar.

Which Star Wars character is obsessed with cheese?

Boba Feta.

You know who was the main character in the movie about drugs?

The heroin.

An extremely buff, muscly man walks into a local pro gaming tournament.

He meets up with his opponent and shakes hands with him.

The opponent, being lifted up with a single hand like Jigglypuff after a shield break, shakily asks.

“W-why’s a man like you at a tournament l-like this? Shouldn’t you be working as a c-construction worker or something?”

W...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

No matter what sexual role play idea my wife decides on, I always have to play the same character.

The husband who is out of town.

What happens to Minecraft characters when they turn 16?

They grow cubic hair!

I sure like that my car insurance requires a 10 character password.

I sure would hate it if someone ..... paid my car insurance?

One of Roald Dahl's characters gained weight and started writing rap music.

Notorious BFG.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So as some of you probably already heard Overwatch character Soldier 76 was confirmed to be a gay.

His voiceline *"Well, all that stuff they pumped into me has to be good for something."* did not age well though.

I’ve always tried to hold my breath when a character is under water, to see if I could survive the situation

Finding Nemo was a tough one

Marvel kills half of your favorite characters

Nintendo kills %99.9 of them

A woman sues a man for defamation of character...

A woman sues a man for defamation of character, charging that he called her a pig. The man is found guilty and made to pay damages.

After the trial, he asks the judge, “Does this mean that I can no longer call Ms. Harding a pig?”

The judge says,“That is correct.”

“And does it m...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Put to sleep

So this inquisitive pan-dimensional space monster is out on vacation and decides to check out this little dive bar on Earth (in Detroit) that had some decent reviews on Yelp.

In order to do so he had to first take on a suitable corporal form adhering to local biological esthetics and so he c...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Professor X to JK Rowling:

Professor X: "What's your power?"

JK Rowling: "I can rewrite the past of fictional characters."

Gay Professor X: "Interesting."

How many dragon Ball characters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

.
.
.
One, but it takes 12 episodes.

*twisting slowly*
Kaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.......

Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee......

What is Donald Trump's favorite fictional character?

Wall-E

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So I'm dyslexic, and I just watched The Hobbit.

I loved the movie so much, I decided to start collecting plastic figurines of all the characters, after many months, I only needed Bilbo, so I ordered him online. There wasn't a picture, but it was a really good price. I think it was so cheap because it said used. But I didn't mind.

So, basi...

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