Why did the characters in Lost cross the island?

To get to the others' side

I think I'm going to kill off the main character in my new book

I hope it will spice up this autobiography a little

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Religion is like a movie

The Torah is the first one, the New Testament is the sequel. The Qur'an is a reboot of the second - there's still Jesus, but he's not the main character anymore.

* Jews like the first movie, but ignore the sequels.
* Christians like the first two, but the third doesn't count.
* Muslims...

Where do Nintendo Characters shop?

Ike-ea, Waa-Greens, Hot Togepi, Break the Target, Lush Ultimate, Wet-Spheal, Mushroom Kingdom (think about it), Abercombie and Squid, and Walmarth.

What do you call a Nintendo character that looks like a minion?

Despicable Mii

Hallmark movies have formulaic plots, two-dimensional characters, and half the bad guys want to sell some piece of land...

...it’s basically “Scooby-Doo!” for sentimental grown-ups.

What do you call a Dr. Seuss character with a medical degree?

Doctor Who

I have decided to kill off the main character in the book I’m writing

It’s the best way to finish my autobiography

My breast wrote a novel about itself.

It's the titular character.

I'm a mean guy

With the standard deviation in character.

What do you call the main character of a book about an English noble in 1200 ad

The plantagenist

My password needed eight characters

So I chose Snow White and the seven dwarves

A man asks an atheist if he had the ability to choose, which fictional character would he be

The atheist replied with " God "

Virtually every Harry Potter character can teach us a lesson.

For example, Barty Crouch Jr. taught us that drinking can make you Moody.

My son Luke loves that we chose Star Wars characters as an inspiration when naming our kids.

His sister Chewbacca and his brother Boba Fett are less amused.

My crush asked my help to impress a boy. So I told her we should pretend to date to make him jealous.

We've now been married for 10 years and have a kid and she hasn't made any progress with that guy. Maybe I should stop beating him up every time he tries to meet her?

Nah. Need to stay in character.

PASSWORD PROBLEMS ( LONG ONE )

Windows : Please enter your new password.

User : cabbage

Windows : Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters.

User : boiled cabbage

Windows : Sorry, the password must contain at least 1 numerical character.

User : 1 boiled cabbage

Windows : Sorry, t...

Started reading the bible.

Could not bother finishing. Jesus is such a Mary Sue and lacking in any true character development. 1 star.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Dublin man sees a sign outside a Kerry farmhouse: 'Talking Dog For Sale'....

He rings the bell, the owner appears and tells him the dog can be viewed in the back garden.
The man sees a very nice looking Black Labrador Retriever sitting there.
"Do you really talk?" He asks the dog.
"Yes!" The Labrador replies.
After recovering from the shock of hearing the dog tal...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I recently saw one of those animated pornos that basically makes fictional characters have sex.

This one was about a certain famous, big superhero guy in red with an 'i' on his shirt, I can't remember his name. Anyway, the film was surprisingly good and left me thinking, 'that's just fucking incredible'.

A math teacher is teaching his class in a green costume

Halloween was soon, so he and most of the school was dressed up.

He decided to dress up as The Flash, as he was a popular character among the students, but not knowing the character well, he ended up with a green version of the costume.

After a bit of mocking by the students, he began ...

I hate this show.

It’s so poorly written. They introduce so many new characters, it’s impossible to keep track. And it seems like some of them hardly do anything, they just hang around and say, like, five lines per episode.

What’s it called? Hang on, let me check.

“Presidential debate.”

My good freind Jake is writing my biography

I told him he should kill off the main character

You're a Savage Warrior. You're a barbarian. You come from a city in Iran. You're a Barbar Barbarian.

You're known for hanging around your favorite drinking establishment. You're a Barbar bar barbarian.

You get exiled. You're a barred Barbar bar barbarian.

You get a job cutting hair. You're a barred Barbar bar barbarian barber.

You are the exclusive hairstylist of a popular chil...

Did you hear that the new Fast and Furious movie will only have one character?

The whole thing is Ludacris!

Some network jokes

"Hi, I'd like to hear a TCP joke."

"Hello, would you like to hear a TCP joke?"

"Yes, I'd like to hear a TCP joke."

"OK, I'll tell you a TCP joke."

"Ok, I will hear a TCP joke."

"Are you ready to hear a TCP joke?"

"Yes, I am ready to hear a TCP joke."

...

Did you hear that the director to Pulp Fiction is making a movie based off of a Belgian comic book where the main character gets deathly ill with an incredibly infectious disease and therefore has to cut off all contact with the outside world?

It's "Quentin Tarantino's *Tintin's Quarantino*".

All the characters in Harry Potter are so well-developed. Well, except Nearly-headless Nick...

He was poorly executed.

An extremely buff, muscly man walks into a local pro gaming tournament.

He meets up with his opponent and shakes hands with him.

The opponent, being lifted up with a single hand like Jigglypuff after a shield break, shakily asks.

“W-why’s a man like you at a tournament l-like this? Shouldn’t you be working as a c-construction worker or something?”

W...

My friend decided to get a face tattoo of her favourite star wars character..

You should have seen the luke on her face....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I think Rorschach was my least favorite character in Watchmen.

I mean, why would I want to watch a guy with pictures of my uncle's penis all over his face?

I've developed a craving for strong female characters that I can't seem to knock. That's right...

I'm addicted to heroine.

What kind of book authors should never kill off any of their characters for drama?

Biographers.

This is so true

Even though Spongebob is the main character…

Patrick is the star.

Who is the quirkiest fictional character?

All For One

The character of Nearly Headless Nick was a bit of a letdown in the Harry Potter movies.

In the books, he had so much more development, including an entire deathday party. In the movies though, he was just so badly executed.

My new password had to be 8 characters...

So I used Snow White and the 7 dwarfs

What's a train's favorite Star Wars character?

Choochoobacca

Who is the cutest character on Dora the Explorer?

Benny, because he's a Dora bull.

(Thought of this all myself. I've reached full dad joke level here - please kill me.)

A blonde's office computer had technical issues

IT support came over to the desk and said he needed password to access her account.

"It's 'MickeyMinnieBatmanSupergirlWonderwomanLondon'" she replied.

"A bit unusual for a password, how did you come up with it?" the support dude asked.

She went "Because computer said the passwor...

At the beginning of Naruto, the three main characters existed in a 'love square'.

Naruto loves Sakura, Sakura loves Sasuke, Sasuke loves nobody, and nobody loves Naruto.

Did you hear about the JRPG character who named his daughter Dot?

He called for her three times: "..." - she didn't answer.

How do Super Smash Bros characters talk to the dead?

Waluigi board



Get bamboozled

My Girlfriend has been repeatedly asking me “Are you a character from Alice in Wonderland?” and it’s getting really annoying

My Friend asked me “Are you mad at her?”

I replied “Don’t you start too”

What Disney character can count the highest?

Buzz Lightyear, to infinity and beyond.

Benedict Cumberbatch and his Marvel character have one thing in common...

Both of their last names are strange

Recently I found out that the 'r' and 'l' characters are the same in Korean.

I guess that explains why they like their elections so much.

The Pentagon is changing the nuclear codes to over 140 characters

So Trump can't tweet it

You know who's the best character in the Game of Thrones show right now?

It *Varys*

Which cartoon character curses the most?

The Road Runner

Who’s Jon Snow’s favorite character from “Cars”?

Lightning MuhQueen

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I asked my wife to dress up as my favourite Star Wars character for some sexy birthday fun,

I walked into the bedroom that night and I was shocked,

"Love, Jabba the Hut is not my favourite Star Wars character" I exclaimed,

"Fuck off" She shouted "I haven't got dressed yet"

I just read through an old phone book to pass the time.

Lots of characters, but not much of a plot.

Going to the dentist is like those movies where a character gets interrogated violently.

It’s pretty clear to them when you’re lying — and if you don’t come clean, you might lose a tooth.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Although I wouldn't say it's a major character flaw,

my premature ejaculation is certainly a shortcominng.

The media keeps trying to assassinate the character of Donald Trump and I think it is a waste of time...

You can't assassinate what isn't there.

All of the Undertale characters had a big orgy...

But nobody came.

Anytime I watch a Jennifer Anniston movie, it seems like she’s playing the same character.

She is a victim of Rachel profiling.

Busrides are good for your character.

They keep you grounded

How many Dragon Ball Z characters does it take to change a lightbulb?

1, but it’s gonna take about 5 episodes.

Why is Punisher the funniest Marvel character?

Because he has the best punchlines.

A blonde came up to the librarian and yelled, "This book sucks! There's way too many characters and the story makes no sense!"

The librarian said, "So you're the one who took our phone book."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There's a new exhibit at disneyworld that features statues of some disney favorite characters.

A tour guide is leading guests through the exhibit as they pass such favorites as Mickey and Minnie Mouse, Donald Duck, Goofy, as well as Pluto. As they're going through they pass a statue that's in the shape of a giant turd. Puzzled, one of the guests pipes up and asks the tour guide, "what's the d...

Is Goose from Captain Marvel a good character?

You're flerken right he is.

What makes LGBT game characters unique from other characters?

they don’t shoot in a straight line

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do characters in books and movies always prefer walking or running down hills?

Because Rowling makes them gay.

Which GoT character has the most handles?

King of the Andals.

R2D2 is the most obscene character in film history

They had to beep out every word he said

A larger-than-life character, Big Tony, walks into a bar.

Big Tony orders a drink. He bellows out, "when Big Tony drinks, everybody drinks!" The patrons of the bar all rush to get served their favorite tipple.

Then he orders some food. "When Big Tony eats, everybody eats!" Suddenly the kitchen is overwhelmed.

He places a twenty on the bar, an...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Stan Lee wrote Tony Stark as a character with a sexual identity crisis.

He's all man, but likes to dress as FEmale

We should have an orgy with all the Dr. Seuss characters

Whos with me

Which Star Wars character is obsessed with cheese?

Boba Feta.

People say that Rorschach from Watchmen is a great character.

But I don’t really know what people see in him.

Where do the Game of Thrones characters go to get their clothing pressed?

The Iron Islands.
...I'm so sorry, I've been re-watching the entire series in preparation for April and this stupid joke popped into my head after my Mum bought a new iron :3

Who is the most misogynistic Super Smash Brothers character?

Inceleroar.

You know who was the main character in the movie about drugs?

The heroin.

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