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I asked my wife to dress up as my favourite Star Wars character for some sexy birthday fun

I walked into the bedroom that night and I was shocked,

"Babes, **Jabba the Hutt** is not my favourite Star Wars character" I exclaimed,

"Fuck you asshole" She shouted "I haven't got dressed yet"

I’m thinking of killing off the main character in my new book.

It will really spice up this autobiography.

My son Luke loves that we chose Star Wars characters as inspiration when naming my kids.

However, his sister Chewbacca and his brother Boba Fett are less amused.

Why is Spongebob the main character...

...when Patrick's the star?

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My sex life is just like my favourite Star Wars character.

Hand Solo

How many Amazonian fish does it take to kill a Frozen character?

Just one per Anna.

Star Trek characters make the worst sports fans...

They always root for the away team

Why was the Nickelodeon character Avatar Aang so controversial?

He was trans-bender

which TV/movie character can use the power of the force and the power of potassium?

Bananakin Skywalker!

Who's Leonardo Dicaprio's least favorite Sesame Street character?

Oscar.

If cartoon characters become real, who would attract most women?

Pinocchio

What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say when he was offered the role of the main character of a movie about an 18th century German composer?

“I’ll be Bach”

I finally had an entire set of amiibos, except for one Zelda character.

It was my missing link

All the characters in Harry Potter are so well-developed. Well, except Nearly-headless Nick...

He was poorly executed.

I needed a password has to be eight characters long.

That's easy - I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarves

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Harry Potter has way too many characters...

Even J.K. Rowling has a hard time keeping all the characters straight.

A man asks an atheist if he had the ability to choose, which fictional character would he be

The atheist replied with " God "

What do you call a Dr. Seuss character with a medical degree?

Doctor Who

So my friend decided to get a face tattoo of her favourite Star Wars character

You should've seen the Luke on her face.

Virtually every Harry Potter character can teach us a lesson.

For example, Barty Crouch Jr. taught us that drinking can make you Moody.

Why did the characters in Lost cross the island?

To get to the others' side

Where do Nintendo Characters shop?

Ike-ea, Waa-Greens, Hot Togepi, Break the Target, Lush Ultimate, Wet-Spheal, Mushroom Kingdom (think about it), Abercombie and Squid, and Walmarth.

I just cannot get into reading chinese fiction

There are just too many characters...

What do you call a Nintendo character that looks like a minion?

Despicable Mii

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I recently saw one of those animated pornos that basically makes fictional characters have sex.

This one was about a certain famous, big superhero guy in red with an 'i' on his shirt, I can't remember his name. Anyway, the film was surprisingly good and left me thinking, 'that's just fucking incredible'.

Hallmark movies have formulaic plots, two-dimensional characters, and half the bad guys want to sell some piece of land...

...it’s basically “Scooby-Doo!” for sentimental grown-ups.

Iron Man is a very confusing character.

I know he’s a guy but he could’ve been Fe Male.

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BECOMING AMERICAN

Two Saudi brothers come to America and one buys a house on the west coast and the other on the east coast. They are so excited about being Americans and during their goodbyes they make a $10,000 bet: in two months they will meet again and the one that is the most American wins.

Two months pas...

A guy sees a sign in front of a house that says: “Talking Dog for Sale.” He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a black mutt just sitting there.

“You talk?” he asks.

“Yep,” the mutt replies.

“So, what’s your story?”

The mutt looks up and says: “Well, I discovered my gift of talking pretty young and I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time they had me jetting from country to country...

Who is the quirkiest fictional character?

All For One

Bible characters on Tinder

What would the tinder profiles of Bible characters look like?

Example: Delilah - Philistine and feisty. Strong guys make me weak. I am an aspiring hairdresser

How did the main character die?

He left his plot armor at home

Her: Who's your favourite Muppet Show character?

Me: The vampire

Her: That's Sesame Street – he doesn't count

Me: I can assure you that he does

PASSWORD PROBLEMS ( LONG ONE )

Windows : Please enter your new password.

User : cabbage

Windows : Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters.

User : boiled cabbage

Windows : Sorry, the password must contain at least 1 numerical character.

User : 1 boiled cabbage

Windows : Sorry, t...

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I think Rorschach was my least favorite character in Watchmen.

I mean, why would I want to watch a guy with pictures of my uncle's penis all over his face?

Did you hear that the new Fast and Furious movie will only have one character?

The whole thing is Ludacris!

Did you hear that the director to Pulp Fiction is making a movie based off of a Belgian comic book where the main character gets deathly ill with an incredibly infectious disease and therefore has to cut off all contact with the outside world?

It's "Quentin Tarantino's *Tintin's Quarantino*".

The screenwriters for UP were flying to get a view of what it would be like for the characters on screen. They had a fair idea, and they stopped writing. As soon as they did, the wind took them off course and higher than ever.

They got caught in an UP draft.

My parents read the book I was writing. They said the main character wasn't likeable.

It was an autobiography…

Two marvel characters that lost their vision

1. Daredevil

2. Scarlet Witch

I've developed a craving for strong female characters that I can't seem to knock. That's right...

I'm addicted to heroine.

whats the difference between a harry potter character and someone who smokes

one is a hufflepuff the other huffs and puffs

What kind of book authors should never kill off any of their characters for drama?

Biographers.

A police officer was brought to the stand to testify on behalf of his partner who was accused of making a wrongful arrest.

“Your honor,” the cop began “my partner on duty has always been my closest friend and my most trustworthy work associate. I trust this man with my life and I believe that speaks volumes for his character.”

“Objection, your honor!” Said the plaintiff’s lawyer.

“Sustained,” said the judg...

The Pentagon is changing the nuclear codes to over 140 characters

So Trump can't tweet it

My Girlfriend has been repeatedly asking me “Are you a character from Alice in Wonderland?” and it’s getting really annoying

My Friend asked me “Are you mad at her?”

I replied “Don’t you start too”

A blonde walks into the library

A blonde walks into the library. She walks up to the counter, slams a book down and screams at the librarian, "This is the worst book I've ever read. It has no plot and far too many characters!"

The librarian looks up and calmly remarks: "Ahh… so you're the one who took our phone book."

The character of Nearly Headless Nick was a bit of a letdown in the Harry Potter movies.

In the books, he had so much more development, including an entire deathday party. In the movies though, he was just so badly executed.

A blonde's office computer had technical issues

IT support came over to the desk and said he needed password to access her account.

"It's 'MickeyMinnieBatmanSupergirlWonderwomanLondon'" she replied.

"A bit unusual for a password, how did you come up with it?" the support dude asked.

She went "Because computer said the passwor...

Who is the cutest character on Dora the Explorer?

Benny, because he's a Dora bull.

(Thought of this all myself. I've reached full dad joke level here - please kill me.)

What's a train's favorite Star Wars character?

Choochoobacca

Which biblical character is the best at aerobics?

Pontius Pilates

The other day I told my mom I was writing an autobiography...

She said for dramatics I should kill off the main character, I don’t think she realized it was an autobiography...

Did you hear about the JRPG character who named his daughter Dot?

He called for her three times: "..." - she didn't answer.

What Disney character can count the highest?

Buzz Lightyear, to infinity and beyond.

How do Super Smash Bros characters talk to the dead?

Waluigi board



Get bamboozled

Benedict Cumberbatch and his Marvel character have one thing in common...

Both of their last names are strange

A treasure chest falls down from an airplane: Mickey Mouse, Santa Claus, a corrupt politician and an honest politician all run to the place where it lands. Who gets the treasure?

The corrupt politician, because all the others are fictional characters.

Recently I found out that the 'r' and 'l' characters are the same in Korean.

I guess that explains why they like their elections so much.

You know who's the best character in the Game of Thrones show right now?

It *Varys*

Who’s Jon Snow’s favorite character from “Cars”?

Lightning MuhQueen

A blonde came up to the librarian and yelled, "This book sucks! There's way too many characters and the story makes no sense!"

The librarian said, "So you're the one who took our phone book."

I asked this Spanish guy if he wanted to come to the beach with me, but he just stood there and refused to move.

It turned out he was a non-playa character.

How many Dragon Ball Z characters does it take to change a lightbulb?

1, but it’s gonna take about 5 episodes.

Going to the dentist is like those movies where a character gets interrogated violently.

It’s pretty clear to them when you’re lying — and if you don’t come clean, you might lose a tooth.

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"Have you ever broken up with someone over a single character flaw?"

My ex-girlfriend and I were a perfect match.

Like Batman and Robin.

Only we didn’t solve crimes and the tight, latex outfits we owned were used in the bedroom and not on the streets.

I truly thought she was the one.

But she had one character flaw that proved too great to ...

Anytime I watch a Jennifer Anniston movie, it seems like she’s playing the same character.

She is a victim of Rachel profiling.

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Although I wouldn't say it's a major character flaw,

my premature ejaculation is certainly a shortcominng.

Why do calculus teachers hate the Final Fantasy games?

The characters keep breaking their limits.

The media keeps trying to assassinate the character of Donald Trump and I think it is a waste of time...

You can't assassinate what isn't there.

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Religion is like a movie

The Torah is the first one, the New Testament is the sequel. The Qur'an is a reboot of the second - there's still Jesus, but he's not the main character anymore.

* Jews like the first movie, but ignore the sequels.
* Christians like the first two, but the third doesn't count.
* Muslims...

All of the Undertale characters had a big orgy...

But nobody came.

Tim Cook joked about Trump getting his name wrong. Trump claimed it was fake news. Shows a lot about their character...

But that's comparing apples and oranges

Busrides are good for your character.

They keep you grounded

R2D2 is the most obscene character in film history

They had to beep out every word he said

Why is Punisher the funniest Marvel character?

Because he has the best punchlines.

What makes LGBT game characters unique from other characters?

they don’t shoot in a straight line

Is Goose from Captain Marvel a good character?

You're flerken right he is.

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Stan Lee wrote Tony Stark as a character with a sexual identity crisis.

He's all man, but likes to dress as FEmale

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There's a new exhibit at disneyworld that features statues of some disney favorite characters.

A tour guide is leading guests through the exhibit as they pass such favorites as Mickey and Minnie Mouse, Donald Duck, Goofy, as well as Pluto. As they're going through they pass a statue that's in the shape of a giant turd. Puzzled, one of the guests pipes up and asks the tour guide, "what's the d...

A woman sues a man for defamation of character...

A woman sues a man for defamation of character, charging that he called her a pig. The man is found guilty and made to pay damages.

After the trial, he asks the judge, “Does this mean that I can no longer call Ms. Harding a pig?”

The judge says,“That is correct.”

“And does it m...

A larger-than-life character, Big Tony, walks into a bar.

Big Tony orders a drink. He bellows out, "when Big Tony drinks, everybody drinks!" The patrons of the bar all rush to get served their favorite tipple.

Then he orders some food. "When Big Tony eats, everybody eats!" Suddenly the kitchen is overwhelmed.

He places a twenty on the bar, an...

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Why do characters in books and movies always prefer walking or running down hills?

Because Rowling makes them gay.

Which GoT character has the most handles?

King of the Andals.

We should have an orgy with all the Dr. Seuss characters

Whos with me

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