UPJOKE
roleprotagonistpersonalityherotypepersonareferenceattributevillainactorimageaspecteccentricpartquality

I decided to kill off a few characters in the book I'm writing.

It would definitely spice up my autobiography a little.

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I asked my girlfriend to dress up as my favourite Star Wars character for some sexy roleplaying fun.

I walked into the bedroom that night and I was shocked,

"Love, Jabba the Hut is not my favourite Star Wars character" I exclaimed,

"Fuck off" She shouted "I haven't got dressed yet"

My son Luke loves that I named my children after Star Wars characters.

My daughter, Chewbacca, not so much.

I put on my resume that I can type 700 characters per minute

Which is true, but apparently they expected these characters to form words.

The blonde's computer password had to be eight characters long and include at least one capital

So she made it "MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofyAlbany."

What do you call a zombie Pac-Man character?

Wacca wacca waccing dead.

My favorite fictional character is

My dad

If a male video game character squats on a downed opponent it's called "Tea Bagging" when a female character does it it's called...

"Clam Dipping"

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Struggles of passwords

Struggles of passwords

"Set password:"

carrot

"Password must be at least 8 characters."

boiled carrot

"Password must contain at least 1 number."

1 boiled carrot

"Password cannot contain spaces."

50boiledcarrots

"Password must contain at ...

What do you call a Super Mario character who likes to be both dominant and submissive?

A Nintendo switch

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As a guy, I refuse to play as a female character in online games.

Not because I’m sexist, I just don’t think it’s right to perpetuate the stereotype that girls are bad at games.

Who’s Bill Cosby’s favorite Disney Character?

Sleeping Beauty

How come Spongebob is the main character?

When Patrick is the star.

What did the anime character say to the wookiee when it ate too fast?

Chew, baka!

Daniel Craig was explaining why his character had grey hair for the first time ever in the franchise.

No Time To Dye

I love it when the main character in a movie has a twisted back story...

Probably why 'The Hunchback of Notre Dame' is one of my all-time favourites!

EA confirms 2 of the characters from Apex are LGBT+. How does that affect the Gameplay?

They Can't shoot straight.

How do Halloween characters listen to their music?

Scare pods

M&M's Redesigns Its Characters' Looks and Personalities to Be 'Representative of Today's Society'

It's rumored the Yellow M&M is going trans and getting his nut removed.

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A Joke Walks into a Bar. [OC]

A Joke walks into a bar and the Bartender says "Wait... this isn't right."

The Joke says "Listen, quickly! I have little time to explain! You and I are but characters living in a hypothetical reality, being puppeteered by some inconceivable monster telling a joke! It's not even a good joke ei...

Why don't Star Wars characters go to church?

They're scared of the *pews*

Captain Crunch, Lucky the leprechaun, and the Trix rabbit have been found murdered in recent months.

Police believe they're all victims of character assassination.

I bought myself a 6ft long Boomerang with Characters from 'Lord of the Rings' on it.

It's really hard to Frodo.

What’s the Republicans’ most hated Sesame Street character?

The Count

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my sex

My sex life is named after a star wars character...

Hans Solo.

A blonde stormed up to the front desk of the library and screamed, "I have a complaint."

The Librarian looked up at her and asked, "How can I help you?"

The blonde answers, "I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible."

The Librarian in a puzzled tone, asks, "What was wrong with it?"

To that, the blonde replies, "It had way too many characters and there was no...

My genitals can transform from one Toy Story character to another depending on how much I wash them

They go from a Woody to a Stinky Pete

I have forgotten the names of all the characters in The Hunchback of Notre Dame.

But Quasimodo rings a bell.

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Why are creative character writers so good in bed?

……because they really know how to pen a trait!

I needed a password eight characters long.

I went with *SnowWhiteAndTheSevenDwarves*

How many Dragon Ball Z characters does it take to change a lightbulb?

Only one but it takes 15 episodes.

You're so ugly...

You're so ugly that when you were told 'you have a face only a mother could love' your Mum sued them for defamation of character.

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Harry Potter has way too many characters...

Even J.K. Rowling has a hard time keeping all the characters straight.

How does Waluigi feel about the latest Smash character reveal?

Honestly…he’s a little Sora ‘bout it.

A man was sued by a woman for defamation of character. She charged that he had called her a pig. The man was found guilty and fined.

After the trial he asked the judge "This means that I cannot call Mrs. Johnson a pig?" The judge said that was true.

“Does this also mean I cannot call a pig Mrs. Johnson?" the man asked. The judge replied that he could indeed call a pig Mrs. Johnson with no fear of legal action.

Wit...

The Old Macaw

A man goes to a pet store looking for a fun pet for his family. There are the typical candidates, kittens, puppies, fish, hamsters, but off in the corner is an old macaw. He asks the owner what the deal is, and the owner replies that the macaw has actually been adopted several times, but he always g...

The good news is Elon Musk is turning Twitter' headquarters into a homeless shelter

The bad news is, it can only house 280 characters, or less

Iron Man is a very confusing character.

I know he’s a guy but he could’ve been Fe Male.

What happens when a character breaks the fourth wall

The roof comes down.

Our company recently did a password audit, it was found that an employee was using the following password:

**"VaderObiwanLukeBobafettGandalfFrodoGimliLegolasSacramento"**

When asked why he had such a long password, he rolled his eyes and said: *Hello! It has to be at least 8 characters and include at least one capital."*

What gaming projectile was thrown by John Barrowman’s “Doctor Who” character to pass the time while he was traveling along the Congo River?

The Dart of Harkness.

What do you call it when you kill Disney characters?

A Mickey Mousacre

The Pentagon is changing the nuclear codes to over 140 characters

So Trump can't tweet it

Which Greek character is from alabama

Oedipus

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Marge Simpson was one of TV’s first LGBTQ+ characters

She was animation’s first Homer-sexual

Yo mama so stupid, her password requirement needed to be 8 characters long so she typed in

"Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs".

What game character takes you to a website?

Link.

How many of Shakespeare's characters does it take to change a lightbulb?

Three. One to change the lightbulb, one to contemplate how a lightbulb is as mortal as any human, and one to spend the afternoon debating whether to murder his uncle.

who is gordon ramsay's favorite shrek character?

donkey

Virtually every Harry Potter character can teach us a lesson.

For example, Barty Crouch Jr. taught us that drinking can make you Moody.

As kids, we were gullible enough to believe in fictional characters we never see like Santa and the Easter Bunny. As adults, we know better...

Thank God.

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What's your favorite one liner in 40 characters or less?

Want to embroider something fun into my jacket pocket, but only have 40 characters. As a big fan of stand up, was trying to fit a homage to my favorites with something from Mitch Hedberg or Demitri Martin in there... but alas, they're slightly too long. So figured I'd come to the experts here for...

My parents read the book I was writing. They said the main character wasn't likeable.

It was an autobiography…

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The hulk is the only bisexual marvel character

He smashes everything

In most cartoons I watched, characters were able to come back from near death by having water splashed on their face.

On a completely unrelated note, I am no longer allowed at funerals…

Johnny Depp gets so immersed in his characters that I can never tell if its him or not...

I guess i have really bad Depp perception

On his evening walk...

... Tony finds an ancient pottery bottle half buried in the silt down the river next to an old rusted-out van. Carefully examining the bottle, he notices that it still has a stopper in it, and there is some kind of writing etched around the neck of the bottle. Using his shirtsleeve, Tony gently beg...

What Star Wars character would be best at limbo?

Han So Low

My son Luke loves that we chose Star Wars characters as inspiration when naming my kids.

However, his sister Chewbacca and his brother Boba Fett are less amused.

Who is the cleverest Disney character?

Gaston; he's the winner of the No-Belle Prize

Who's the fruitiest character in Star Wars?

The Mangolorian.

(Made up for an eight year old)

I never really liked Nearly Headless Nick in the Harry Potter franchise.

He was a poorly executed character.

What Simpson's character does the best power points ?

Slideshow Bob

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Angel 1 : "I just saw an important bible character playing with himself!"

Angel 2: "Jesus fucking Christ!"

Angel 1: "Yes that's what it was."

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A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: ‘Talking Dog For Sale.’

He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.

'You talk?' he asks.

'Yep,' the Lab replies

After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a ...

So my friend decided to get a face tattoo of her favourite Star Wars character

You should've seen the Luke on her face.

My Girlfriend has been repeatedly asking me “Are you a character from Alice in Wonderland?” and it’s getting really annoying

My Friend asked me “Are you mad at her?”

I replied “Don’t you start too”

A quarterback was being interviewed only moments before the start of the game. The reporter had 3 quick questions: "Your favorite pizza? Your favorite Star Wars character? Your favorite non-football activity?"

His answers were just as brief:

"Hut, Hutt, Hike!"

What's the difference between Antony Hopkins' character in Silence of the Lambs and someone who taunted Jeffery Dahmer as he ate?

One's Hannibal Lechter and the other's a cannibal heckler.

I’m retiring my favorite password: $nowWhite&T#e7Dwarves|

Security experts are recommending longer passwords, but mine was only eight characters.

What do you tell an anime character that's turned into a pigeon?

Go Coo

not many people know the friends characters represent all seven deadly sins

**Phoebe:**

**Joey:**

**Chandler:**

**Monica:**

**The monkey:**

**Rachel:**

**Ross:** pride, greed, lust, envy, gluttony, wrath, and sloth.

Why do Amoung Us characters bottle up their emotions?

Because they get kicked out of the group when they vent.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One British nurse said to the other...

"You'll never guess who picked up the urine samples today. Gary Oldman, the actor!"

"Really?? Was he dressed like his character from Harry Potter?"

"No, he wasn't Sirius. He was just taking the piss."

Sven and Ole are two fictional swedish immigrants who live in Minnesota. They are characters used in jokes. I heard this one from my dad.

Sven is vacationing at his cabin in northern Minnesota and happens to get in line at a Dairy Queen.

An indian (native american) man approaches him and makes a proposition.

Indian Man: Hey I have a deal for you. I will ask you a riddle. If you can answer it I will buy you an ice cream, ...

Stage Fright

A young actor, new on the scene and nervous about it, is trying to make his first big role count.

In his first onstage appearance, his character has a fairly simple scene to pull off: he walks onstage holding a rose between his fingers. He waves it past his nose with a big whiff, then declar...

Never argue with a fictional character

Their minds are completely made up

I’m thinking of killing off the main character in my new book.

It will really spice up this autobiography.

My my wife said she was leaving me because of my wierd obsession with Marvel characters.

I said, please Yondu that.

If James Spader played a redditor in Blacklist, what would be the name of his character?

Raymond Redditon

Who is Gordon Ramsays least favourite Dragon Ball character?

Frieza

A woman sues a man for defamation of character...

A woman sues a man for defamation of character, charging that he called her a pig. The man is found guilty and made to pay damages.

After the trial, he asks the judge, “Does this mean that I can no longer call Ms. Harding a pig?”

The judge says,“That is correct.”

“And does it m...

I miss the days when the Annoying Orange was just a fictional youtube character

And not the President of the United States.

Her: Who's your favourite Muppet Show character?

Me: The vampire

Her: That's Sesame Street – he doesn't count

Me: I can assure you that he does

Why are there no wheel chair characters in battle royal games?

Because it's last person standing wins.

What kind of phone does an animal crossing character have

A nookia

What do you call a Dr. Seuss character with a medical degree?

Doctor Who

Which fictional character i would totally bang?

My Girlfriend!

Once, many many years ago, there was a fad among fast food restaurants

to put historical, sometimes military or industrial items in their front yards as a kind of attraction/plaything; an old howitzer or maybe even a train caboose that kids could inspect or climb on. Sometimes these unlikely things would be decorated with the characters or dishes of the food chain. For...

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