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Angel 1 : "I just saw an important bible character playing with himself!"

Angel 2: "Jesus fucking Christ!"

Angel 1: "Yes that's what it was."

Virtually every Harry Potter character can teach us a lesson.

For example, Barty Crouch Jr. taught us that drinking can make you Moody.

What’s the Republicans’ most hated Sesame Street character?

The Count

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I asked my wife to dress up as my favourite Star Wars character for some sexy birthday fun

I walked into the bedroom that night and I was shocked,

"Babes, **Jabba the Hutt** is not my favourite Star Wars character" I exclaimed,

"Fuck you asshole" She shouted "I haven't got dressed yet"

I’m playing a videogame where my character is a ghost. The only path I can find leads to a dead end wall. What should I do?

Walkthrough

Why do Amoung Us characters bottle up their emotions?

Because they get kicked out of the group when they vent.

Whats Bill Cosbys favorite disney character?

Sleeping beauty

A quarterback was being interviewed only moments before the start of the game. The reporter had 3 quick questions: "Your favorite pizza? Your favorite Star Wars character? Your favorite non-football activity?"

His answers were just as brief:

"Hut, Hutt, Hike!"

My son Luke loves the fact he's named after a Star Wars character

My daughter Chewbacca, not so much

What's the difference between Antony Hopkins' character in Silence of the Lambs and someone who taunted Jeffery Dahmer as he ate?

One's Hannibal Lechter and the other's a cannibal heckler.

I decided to kill off some characters in the book I am writing

It would definitely spice up my autobiography.

What Simpson's character does the best power points ?

Slideshow Bob

A man was sued by a woman for defamation of character. She charged that he had called her a pig. The man was found guilty and fined.

After the trial he asked the judge "This means that I cannot call Mrs. Johnson a pig?" The judge said that was true.

“Does this also mean I cannot call a pig Mrs. Johnson?" the man asked. The judge replied that he could indeed call a pig Mrs. Johnson with no fear of legal action.

Wit...

Who is the cleverest Disney character?

Gaston; he's the winner of the No-Belle Prize

What Star Wars character would be best at limbo?

Han So Low

Who's the fruitiest character in Star Wars?

The Mangolorian.

(Made up for an eight year old)

What do you tell an anime character that's turned into a pigeon?

Go Coo

"What is your wifi password?"

"Its snowwhiteandthesevendwarves"

"Oh, why is it very long?"

"Here said I need eight characters."

A director wanted to make a movie about Batman, but sadly D.C. wouldn't allow him to film it.

He decided he would just make the movie anyway, but instead of using the character's real names he would take away the last letter of their names.

Batman became Batma and he fought crime with his trusty partners Alfre and Robi. The film then showed the dynamic duo and their butler fighting cr...

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The hulk is the only bisexual marvel character

He smashes everything

Sven and Ole are two fictional swedish immigrants who live in Minnesota. They are characters used in jokes. I heard this one from my dad.

Sven is vacationing at his cabin in northern Minnesota and happens to get in line at a Dairy Queen.

An indian (native american) man approaches him and makes a proposition.

Indian Man: Hey I have a deal for you. I will ask you a riddle. If you can answer it I will buy you an ice cream, ...

not many people know the friends characters represent all seven deadly sins

**Phoebe:**

**Joey:**

**Chandler:**

**Monica:**

**The monkey:**

**Rachel:**

**Ross:** pride, greed, lust, envy, gluttony, wrath, and sloth.

During a recent password audit by a company, it was found that an employee was using the following password: "MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramento"

When asked why they had such a long password, they rolled their eyes and said: "Hello! It has to be at least 8 characters and include at least one capital."

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Harry Potter has way too many characters...

Even J.K. Rowling has a hard time keeping all the characters straight.

As kids, we were gullible enough to believe in fictional characters we never see like Santa and the Easter Bunny. As adults, we know better...

Thank God.

Is it possible to write a book only using 2 characters?

Yes just have it revolve around 2 people.

So MK11 is getting a new Australian character exclusive to the Nintendo Switch.

Roo Kang.

Because it's the ol'...

If James Spader played a redditor in Blacklist, what would be the name of his character?

Raymond Redditon

My friend decided to get a face tattoo of her favourite Star Wars character.

You should have seen the Luke on her face.

A blonde and her boyfriend went to the movies

In the film, the main character is running through the storm so she says, "I bet you £20, that they don't get struck by lightning."
And her boyfriend agrees.

20 seconds later the main character is stuck by lightning and the blonde looks confused and gets £20 to give.

...

Why did Calvin’s dad insist that Calvin play D&D?

It builds character

Who is Gordon Ramsays least favourite Dragon Ball character?

Frieza

My son Luke loves that we chose Star Wars characters as inspiration when naming my kids.

However, his sister Chewbacca and his brother Boba Fett are less amused.

Iron Man is a very confusing character.

I know he’s a guy but he could’ve been Fe Male.

Passwords NSFW

"Sorry, your password has been in use for 90 days and has expired - you must register a new one."

roses

"Sorry, too few characters."

pretty roses

"Sorry, you must use at least one numerical character."

1 pretty rose

"Sorry, you cannot use blank spaces." ...

Why are there no wheel chair characters in battle royal games?

Because it's last person standing wins.

My my wife said she was leaving me because of my wierd obsession with Marvel characters.

I said, please Yondu that.

This year in Heaven the Christmas celebration was also a costume party. Everyone dressed up.

Many people came as movie characters, from Gandalf the Grey (and White) to Jason Bourne to Black Widow to Harry Potter. Alan Rickman went as Hans Gruber, which made St. Peter exclaim "See, Die Hard IS a Christmas movie!" St. Peter was dressed as the "Fragile" lamp from A Christmas Story. Moses showe...

If I could rearrange the alphabet...

I'd replace U with a more interesting character.

Never argue with a fictional character

Their minds are completely made up

All the characters in Harry Potter are so well-developed. Well, except Nearly-headless Nick...

He was poorly executed.

A man is driving around the backwoods and he sees a sign in front of an old, shanty style house that says - “Talking dog for sale.”

He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.

"You talk?" he asks.

"Yep," the Lab replies.

After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog t...

How many Marvel Characters does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just one, but every couple of months another one changes the same lightbulb.

What kind of phone does an animal crossing character have

A nookia

What did the cartoon character say to his brother in law when he found out his wife was crazy?

You knew she was looney and a maniac...and you didn’t warn a brother?

The Pentagon is changing the nuclear codes to over 140 characters

So Trump can't tweet it

Why did the best-selling author want to send his daughter to writing camp?

.
.
.
Because he thought it would help her build character.

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I'm writing an anime based on a character with lymphedema of the nutsack

It's called 'Dragging Balls eh?"

My parents read the book I was writing. They said the main character wasn't likeable.

It was an autobiography…

Which fictional character i would totally bang?

My Girlfriend!

I wrote my first erotic novel

The characters were a bit disjointed but they all came together in the end

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My sex life is just like my favourite Star Wars character.

Hand Solo

Who's the best character in the Bible?

Noah, he has the best ark.

Scarecrow from The Wizard of Oz is by far the greatest character of all time.

No one could hold a candle to him.

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(A character in a dream told me this joke) This dude calls his vet and says "My dog ate one of my Viagra and has had an erection for more than four hours, what should I do?"

The vet replied, "Did you try to manually induce ejaculation?"

The guy goes, "Yeah I tried but I couldn't get hard because my dog ate my last pill!"

I couldn’t follow the storyline of Stephen King’s “It”

Too many Maine characters.

What is scooby's favorite DBZ character

Roku

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A man goes to a marriage counselor all by himself.

Confused, the marriage counselor says, “This is quite odd as usually this works better when both partners attend therapy together. Since you already paid for this session I guess we will just have to pretend she is here and role play. I’ll be your wife.”

The man instantly stiffens up and look...

If cartoon characters become real, who would attract most women?

Pinocchio

My Girlfriend has been repeatedly asking me “Are you a character from Alice in Wonderland?” and it’s getting really annoying

My Friend asked me “Are you mad at her?”

I replied “Don’t you start too”

Why is Spongebob the main character...

...when Patrick's the star?

which TV/movie character can use the power of the force and the power of potassium?

Bananakin Skywalker!

Star Trek characters make the worst sports fans...

They always root for the away team

I needed a password has to be eight characters long.

That's easy - I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarves

What do you call a Dr. Seuss character with a medical degree?

Doctor Who

I don’t understand how people are complaining about visual bugs in Cyberpunk 2077

It’s just your character’s cyberoptics malfunctioning.

How many Amazonian fish does it take to kill a Frozen character?

Just one per Anna.

Two of my married (to each other) geeky friends enjoy couples-themed cosplay.

Every convention I see them in different outfits. One year it was Doctor McCoy and Nurse Chapel. The next they went as Luke and Leia. Then they went as the 4th Doctor and Sarah Jane Smith.

Well, the lady had a baby after that. The next time I saw them, He was dressed up as Number 6 Patr...

What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say when he was offered the role of the main character of a movie about an 18th century German composer?

“I’ll be Bach”

I finally had an entire set of amiibos, except for one Zelda character.

It was my missing link

I visited a load of French towns doing impressions of Star Trek characters.

Dunkirk?

Yea, did all of them.

Why was the Nickelodeon character Avatar Aang so controversial?

He was trans-bender

Who's Leonardo Dicaprio's least favorite Sesame Street character?

Oscar.

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I recently saw one of those animated pornos that basically makes fictional characters have sex.

This one was about a certain famous, big superhero guy in red with an 'i' on his shirt, I can't remember his name. Anyway, the film was surprisingly good and left me thinking, 'that's just fucking incredible'.

Her: Who's your favourite Muppet Show character?

Me: The vampire

Her: That's Sesame Street – he doesn't count

Me: I can assure you that he does

Bible characters on Tinder

What would the tinder profiles of Bible characters look like?

Example: Delilah - Philistine and feisty. Strong guys make me weak. I am an aspiring hairdresser

The pot that gave birth

Edit: this joke is from the famous turkish humorous character Nasreddin Hoca. Hope you like.

One day Nasreddin borrows a cooking pot from his neighbor and while returning he puts a smaller pot inside it.

When the neighbor asks what that means, he replies “The pot gave birth and deliver...

A blonde came up to the librarian and yelled, "This book sucks! There's way too many characters and the story makes no sense!"

The librarian said, "So you're the one who took our phone book."

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One Saturday night, John and William conspired to steal a crate of rolls from the baker

As they wondered where to take their stolen loot, John suggested the cemetery, as no clear headed person would dare to take a Saturday night stroll among the graves.

Upon arriving at this questionable hangout, the gate proved to be quite a cumbersome obstacle to overcome. In the mad scramble ...

I liked the Harry Potter books and films but...

I think the character Nearly Headless Nick was a bit poorly executed

You can't be trans and say that you're ugly

You're a customisable character

Temel owes a lot of money to the local shops

Edit: Temel is a fictional character in Turkish jokes. Hope you like.

Temel owes a lot of money to the local shops. One day he wins the lottery and the locals wait for him to pay back what he owes – and maybe more. However three months down the line, Temel still hasn’t paid anything so the sh...

Englishman a Scotsman and an Irishman are on a train compartment, drinking and being loud together. At the next stop an elderly priest and a beautiful woman get on and sit across from the three.

As the train gets under way, the priest looks at the three with distain and says, "Have ya any decency between ya? You three look like a right pair of fools, but I'll give 50 quid to any of you that can name the three main characters of the Bible." The Englishman pipes up and says, "The three Kings?...

Why did the characters in Lost cross the island?

To get to the others' side

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How do you know if a lightbulb is a prostitute?

Its been screwed in and out by teams of scientists, skateboarders, narcissists, every one of the human races, Vietnam vets, Grateful Dead fans, computer scientists, Army Rangers, stoners, Yankee fans, dead babies, roaming hippies, alchoholics, cops, Comcast employees, Jedis, Dragonball-Z characters,...

A blonde's office computer had technical issues

IT support came over to the desk and said he needed password to access her account.

"It's 'MickeyMinnieBatmanSupergirlWonderwomanLondon'" she replied.

"A bit unusual for a password, how did you come up with it?" the support dude asked.

She went "Because computer said the passwor...

Where do Nintendo Characters shop?

Ike-ea, Waa-Greens, Hot Togepi, Break the Target, Lush Ultimate, Wet-Spheal, Mushroom Kingdom (think about it), Abercombie and Squid, and Walmarth.

What do you call a Nintendo character that looks like a minion?

Despicable Mii

Hallmark movies have formulaic plots, two-dimensional characters, and half the bad guys want to sell some piece of land...

...it’s basically “Scooby-Doo!” for sentimental grown-ups.

How many Dragon Ball Z characters does it take to change a lightbulb?

1, but it’s gonna take about 5 episodes.

I tried reading Dostoevsky's novels in Chinese

But there were too many characters.

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