How do the magic words “E ma Geht TS olt su juo Y” make a Redditor groan?

Read it backwards to find out.

It's important to remember to cross your Ts and dot your Is

because if you dot your Ts, you'll be left with double vision.

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My son adorably can't pronounce Ks and they always come out as Ts...

... it was all cute until he asked my neighbour if he could "stroke her titties".

Two men were talking about what they did the weekend...

Man 1: Spent all day collecting funds for the orphans home. 'ts a thing of offering honor.

Man 2: Too did all about Offering Honor last night. Met that great chick in jeff's bar... I offered her my honor, she honored my offer. I spent all night honor and offer.

I'ts so cold outside...

I actually saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.

I got a job as a fog bank, I'ts hard work with little pay...

but I make dew.

I'll never forget the Do's and Don'ts my Christian Health teacher taught me in highschool.

Do's: Don't

Don'ts: Do

"Doctor, I can't pronounce my Fs, my Ts or my Hs."

"Well you can't say fairer than that then."


(it's an old Tommy Cooper joke, no credit to me)

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A nun, a hot blonde, a German and a Frenchman are sitting in a train compartment.

They don‘t know each other and are minding their own business. The train drives into a tunnel and it gets so dark in the compartment that you could not see your own hand in front of your eyes.

Suddenly a violently loud slapping noise rips into the silence. When the train leaves the tunnel ev...

Ogden Nash and TS Eliot die and go to heaven...

At the gates of heaven they meet St. Peter, and ask him if they can spend eternity in Poet's Corner with all the other famous poets.

"I don't know," says St. Peter. "It's pretty exclusive. I'll tell you what, I'll give you a word and you have to incorporate it in a poem as the very last wor...

Why are pelicans able to dive into the ocean they way they do?

Because they're called peliCANs, not peliCAN'Ts.

Last year, Taylor Swift went on a world tour called TS 1989

That must've been an awkward stop in Beijing

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Emily was 30 years old, and really flatchested

Emily was 30 years old, and really flatchested. Depspite bad confidence she headed to a pub on a Saturday night.

After a little while at the pub a handsome man stood by her and asked ”why do you look so sad?”. Well.. Said Emily, you see.. I’ts because I look like a newborn girl in the chest...

What's Mr. Ts chain made out of?

Fools gold

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "Why the long face?"

The horse, not being able to comprehend human language, promptly sh!ts the floor and leaves.

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NSFW Two cowboys are out on the range talking about their favorite sex position.

One says, "I think I enjoy the rodeo position the best."

"I don't think I have ever heard of that one," says the other cowboy.

"What is it?"

"Well, it's where you get your girl down on all four, and you mount her from behind. Then you reach around, cup her t*ts, and whisper i...

Offering corpses for free isn't just a sign that someone might be crazy

I'ts a dead giveaway.

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Why does sex sell?

You can't spell "advertisements" without "semen" in between the "ti ts"

What is a "thot"?

A "thot" is a ho with her T Ts out

A teenager, who just turned 18, desperately wants a car.

His mother tells him to buy one himself. A chemistry student himself, he finds an effective money-making strategy. Every day, he would sell mixtures of Rhenium, Phosphorus, Osmium, and Tennessine, and he was earning a lot from the sales. Curious, his mother asks him about the mixtures.

The te...

The head nun tells the two new nuns that they have to paint their room without getting any paint on their clothes.

So the one nun says to the other, "Hey, let's take all our clothes off, fold them up, and lock the door. That way we won’t get paint on our clothes and can move more freely to get the job done faster. So they do this, and begin painting their room. Soon they hear a knock at the door. They ask, "Who ...

Different races need to be segregated.

I'm so sick of people combining biking, swimming and running and calling it one single race. "iTs A tRiAtHaLOn" shut up lmfao. Those are 3 different events, and should be treated as such.

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The stutterer

A guy with a terrible stutter goes to the doctor. Doctor examines him, and says, "I'm afraid the problem is your large penis. It requires such an enormous blood supply, not enough blood is reaching the speech center in your brain."

"W-w-well, what c-c-can I d-d-do?" asks the guy.

"We c...

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As old as the Hills and twice as dusty but no, I've never seen it here

The traveling salesman's car breaks,so he asked a farmer if he can stay there for a few days while his car gets fixed.

The farmer had 2 beautiful daughters, Nellie and Venus.

One night TS takes the older daughter "Venus"on a date to the drive in,using the farmers car.

The next...

Im reading about a horrific clothing fire in the china. They have the fire put out already but firemen are still searching the building.

Thankfully they have not discovered any casual Ts.

A teenager wants to by a car

A teenager asks his mother to buy him a car. His mother tells him that he should get a job and buy it himself.

A brilliant idea came to the teenager’s head that day, since he loves chemistry so much he came up with the genius idea to sell a mixture of Rhenium, Phosphorus, Osmium, and Tenness...

When wasn't Wendy Darling?

When she Peter Pan-ts.

A nun travelling to the Vatican fell out of her hotel window

Falling from the 10th floor, all she could do was pray to God to save her. To her surprise, a man catches her at the 8th floor,

He said "Let me touch your t!ts or I'll let go"

"I'd rather die than commit such sin!"

The man then let her go and the nun prays harder to God .At t...

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Taxi ride (long-ish)

A passenger in a taxi leaned forward to ask the driver a question and tapped him on the shoulder. The driver screamed, lost control of the taxi, nearly hit a bus, drove up the curb and stoped inches from a massive glass storefront.

For a few moments everything was silent in the taxi and then ...

Atheism and religion are but two sides of the same coin

One prefers to use ts head, while the other relies on tales.

Why was the plant embarrassed?

It soiled itself. *Buh dum ts* *Dodges tomatoes*

[Long] A little birdie was flying south for winter

It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.

While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.

As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.

The dung was actually thawing him out!
...

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How many dead hookers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Apparently not five, my basement is still dark.

(taken from this page: https://www.facebook.com/ImammahdidailyIII?fref=ts)

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What did one tampon say to the other tampon?

Nothing. They are both stucked up c**ts.

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Irish joke, my mum told me this over ten years ago (she's part Irish and can pull the accent) and I've created it to be a bit story like. Hope you like.

Paddy was outta work, and he ask'd his mam if she knew of any going.

She sent him down to the docks to his cousin Paddy. (Small world)

Me mam said der was a jab go'n.

(I'm going to do the rest in English cos Fuck writing it all like this!)

Paddy wasn't to happy about empl...

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