Ts Jokes - 24 Hilarious Ts Jokes

It's important to remember to cross your Ts and dot your Is

because if you dot your Ts, you'll be left with double vision.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's Mr T's favourite kind of yoghurt

PETITS FILOUS!

"Doctor, I can't pronounce my Fs, my Ts or my Hs."

"Well you can't say fairer than that then."

(it's an old Tommy Cooper joke, no credit to me)

What's Mr. Ts chain made out of?

Fools gold

A teenager, who just turned 18, desperately wants a car.

His mother tells him to buy one himself. A chemistry student himself, he finds an effective money-making strategy. Every day, he would sell mixtures of Rhenium, Phosphorus, Osmium, and Tennessine, and he was earning a lot from the sales. Curious, his mother asks him about the mixtures.

The te...

Ogden Nash and TS Eliot die and go to heaven...

At the gates of heaven they meet St. Peter, and ask him if they can spend eternity in Poet's Corner with all the other famous poets.

"I don't know," says St. Peter. "It's pretty exclusive. I'll tell you what, I'll give you a word and you have to incorporate it in a poem as the very last wor...

Last year, Taylor Swift went on a world tour called TS 1989

That must've been an awkward stop in Beijing

What size shirt do ghosts wear?

Spiritual Medium

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The stutterer

A guy with a terrible stutter goes to the doctor. Doctor examines him, and says, "I'm afraid the problem is your large . It requires such an enormous blood supply, not enough blood is reaching the speech center in your brain."

"W-w-well, what c-c-can I d-d-do?" asks the guy.

"We c...

Did you know to that tin can was invented 1810, but the can opener wouldn’t be invented for another 16 years?

So until then they were just called can’ts.

The head nun tells the two new nuns that they have to paint their room without getting any paint on their clothes.

So the one nun says to the other, "Hey, let's take all our clothes off, fold them up, and lock the door. That way we won’t get paint on our clothes and can move more freely to get the job done faster. So they do this, and begin painting their room. Soon they hear a knock at the door. They ask, "Who ...

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A nun, a hot blonde, a German and a Frenchman are sitting in a train compartment.

They don‘t know each other and are minding their own business. The train drives into a tunnel and it gets so dark in the compartment that you could not see your own hand in front of your eyes.

Suddenly a violently loud slapping noise rips into the silence. When the train leaves the tunnel ev...

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "Why the long face?"

The horse, not being able to comprehend human language, promptly sh!ts the floor and leaves.

Why are pelicans able to dive into the ocean they way they do?

Because they're called peliCANs, not peliCAN'Ts.

What do you call outfits that are made from dead bodies?

Casual T's

Im reading about a horrific clothing fire in the china. They have the fire put out already but firemen are still searching the building.

Thankfully they have not discovered any casual Ts.

Different races need to be segregated.

I'm so sick of people combining biking, swimming and running and calling it one single race. "iTs A tRiAtHaLOn" shut up lmfao. Those are 3 different events, and should be treated as such.

When wasn't Wendy Darling?

When she Peter Pan-ts.

I'll never forget the Do's and Don'ts my Christian Health teacher taught me in highschool.

Do's: Don't

Don'ts: Do

Atheism and religion are but two sides of the same coin

One prefers to use ts head, while the other relies on tales.

Why was the plant embarrassed?

It soiled itself. *Buh dum ts* *Dodges tomatoes*

A teenager wants to by a car

A teenager asks his mother to buy him a car. His mother tells him that he should get a job and buy it himself.

A brilliant idea came to the teenager’s head that day, since he loves chemistry so much he came up with the genius idea to sell a mixture of Rhenium, Phosphorus, Osmium, and Tenness...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How many dead hookers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Apparently not five, my basement is still dark.

(taken from this page: https://www.facebook.com/ImammahdidailyIII?fref=ts)

[Long] A little birdie was flying south for winter

It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.

While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.

As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.

The dung was actually thawing him out!
...

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