UPJOKE
letterthyroid hormoneenglish languagetawtaumtthyminetonneliothyroninethyroxinthyroxinetriiodothyronine20quintalbase

Ts Jokes

It's important to remember to cross your Ts and dot your Is

because if you dot your Ts, you'll be left with double vision.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's Mr T's favourite kind of yoghurt

PETITS FILOUS!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My son adorably can't pronounce Ks and they always come out as Ts...

... it was all cute until he asked my neighbour if he could "stroke her titties".

"Doctor, I can't pronounce my Fs, my Ts or my Hs."

"Well you can't say fairer than that then."


(it's an old Tommy Cooper joke, no credit to me)

What's Mr. Ts chain made out of?

Fools gold

Ogden Nash and TS Eliot die and go to heaven...

At the gates of heaven they meet St. Peter, and ask him if they can spend eternity in Poet's Corner with all the other famous poets.

"I don't know," says St. Peter. "It's pretty exclusive. I'll tell you what, I'll give you a word and you have to incorporate it in a poem as the very last wor...

Last year, Taylor Swift went on a world tour called TS 1989

That must've been an awkward stop in Beijing

What size shirt do ghosts wear?

Spiritual Medium

A teenager, who just turned 18, desperately wants a car.

His mother tells him to buy one himself. A chemistry student himself, he finds an effective money-making strategy. Every day, he would sell mixtures of Rhenium, Phosphorus, Osmium, and Tennessine, and he was earning a lot from the sales. Curious, his mother asks him about the mixtures.

The te...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The stutterer

A guy with a terrible stutter goes to the doctor. Doctor examines him, and says, "I'm afraid the problem is your large penis. It requires such an enormous blood supply, not enough blood is reaching the speech center in your brain."

"W-w-well, what c-c-can I d-d-do?" asks the guy.

"We c...

Did you know to that tin can was invented 1810, but the can opener wouldn’t be invented for another 16 years?

So until then they were just called can’ts.

The head nun tells the two new nuns that they have to paint their room without getting any paint on their clothes.

So the one nun says to the other, "Hey, let's take all our clothes off, fold them up, and lock the door. That way we won’t get paint on our clothes and can move more freely to get the job done faster. So they do this, and begin painting their room. Soon they hear a knock at the door. They ask, "Who ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A nun, a hot blonde, a German and a Frenchman are sitting in a train compartment.

They don‘t know each other and are minding their own business. The train drives into a tunnel and it gets so dark in the compartment that you could not see your own hand in front of your eyes.

Suddenly a violently loud slapping noise rips into the silence. When the train leaves the tunnel ev...

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "Why the long face?"

The horse, not being able to comprehend human language, promptly sh!ts the floor and leaves.

Why are pelicans able to dive into the ocean they way they do?

Because they're called peliCANs, not peliCAN'Ts.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why does sex sell?

You can't spell "advertisements" without "semen" in between the "ti ts"

What is a "thot"?

A "thot" is a ho with her T Ts out

What do you call outfits that are made from dead bodies?

Casual T's

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW Two cowboys are out on the range talking about their favorite sex position.

One says, "I think I enjoy the rodeo position the best."

"I don't think I have ever heard of that one," says the other cowboy.

"What is it?"

"Well, it's where you get your girl down on all four, and you mount her from behind. Then you reach around, cup her t*ts, and whisper i...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Emily was 30 years old, and really flatchested

Emily was 30 years old, and really flatchested. Depspite bad confidence she headed to a pub on a Saturday night.

After a little while at the pub a handsome man stood by her and asked ”why do you look so sad?”. Well.. Said Emily, you see.. I’ts because I look like a newborn girl in the chest...

Im reading about a horrific clothing fire in the china. They have the fire put out already but firemen are still searching the building.

Thankfully they have not discovered any casual Ts.

Different races need to be segregated.

I'm so sick of people combining biking, swimming and running and calling it one single race. "iTs A tRiAtHaLOn" shut up lmfao. Those are 3 different events, and should be treated as such.

When wasn't Wendy Darling?

When she Peter Pan-ts.

I'll never forget the Do's and Don'ts my Christian Health teacher taught me in highschool.

Do's: Don't

Don'ts: Do

A nun travelling to the Vatican fell out of her hotel window

Falling from the 10th floor, all she could do was pray to God to save her. To her surprise, a man catches her at the 8th floor,

He said "Let me touch your t!ts or I'll let go"

"I'd rather die than commit such sin!"

The man then let her go and the nun prays harder to God .At t...

Atheism and religion are but two sides of the same coin

One prefers to use ts head, while the other relies on tales.

Why was the plant embarrassed?

It soiled itself. *Buh dum ts* *Dodges tomatoes*

A teenager wants to by a car

A teenager asks his mother to buy him a car. His mother tells him that he should get a job and buy it himself.

A brilliant idea came to the teenager’s head that day, since he loves chemistry so much he came up with the genius idea to sell a mixture of Rhenium, Phosphorus, Osmium, and Tenness...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How many dead hookers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Apparently not five, my basement is still dark.

(taken from this page: https://www.facebook.com/ImammahdidailyIII?fref=ts)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

As old as the Hills and twice as dusty but no, I've never seen it here

The traveling salesman's car breaks,so he asked a farmer if he can stay there for a few days while his car gets fixed.

The farmer had 2 beautiful daughters, Nellie and Venus.

One night TS takes the older daughter "Venus"on a date to the drive in,using the farmers car.

The next...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did one tampon say to the other tampon?

Nothing. They are both stucked up c**ts.

[Long] A little birdie was flying south for winter

It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.

While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.

As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.

The dung was actually thawing him out!
...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.