What’s the difference between a golf ball and a g-spot.

Guys will actually look for a golf ball

We've been married for 15 years and finally found the G spot.

Turns out my sister in law had it all along

B flat, E flat, and G flat walk into a bar. The bartender stopped them and said,

"We don't serve minors"

What do a guy who likes fruit and a cannibalistic Central American who can’t pronounce the letter G have in common?

They both love eating Watahmalans

[NSFW] I after years I finally found my wifes g-spot.

Who would have guessed I found it in her sister.

Teacher: How else do you call a G flat?

Student: I don't know.

Teacher: Ges.

Student: I just said I don't know!

"Tell me what you want." I whispered as I slid my finger up and down her G string. She moaned...

"I want my guitar back."

What does Area 51 and a g-spot have in common?

All these guys talking about what they’re going to do to it, but they can’t even find it.

Something bad will happen at the end of A B C D E F G H...

I JK.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife and I went on our honeymoon to Australia, but unfortunately, I had to dial the help line. "G'day this is Tim, you've reached the Aussie help line. How can we help ya?"

I told him, "We were in the ocean and my wife was stung by a jellyfish on her lady parts. Her vagina is completely swollen shut. It's our honeymoon, and well....ya know."

The guy on the help line replies, "Ah, bummer mate!"

I say, "I hadn't thought of that! Thanks for the advice. You'v...

C, E-flat, and G go into a bar.

The bartender says, "Sorry, but we don't serve minors." So E-flat leaves, and C and G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished, and G is out flat. F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough. D comes in and heads for the bathroom, saying...

How do you pronounce the “g” in gif?

Like the “g” in garage.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I invented a new sex position " The G.R.R.Martin"

I give her the best foreplay and when she's ready to finish it's all just a slap in her face.

Before he was famous

Biggie Smalls to friend: I'm the greatest rapper of all time. Nobody can match my skills. Not even you.

Friend: wow, big ego.

What do G-Strings and barbed wire have in common?

They both protect the property without disrupting the view.

Vicar: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T man and wife V W X Y Z

Groom: Why did you say that?

Vicar: Because I now pronounce u 'man and wife'

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks in to a bar, and says "G-g-gimme a b-b-beer."





The bartender says, "Seems as though you’ve got a major stuttering problem."



The man replies, "N-n-no k-k-k-idding!"



The bartender says, "I used to stutter, but my wife cured me. One afternoon she gave me oral sex three times in a row, and I haven’t stut...

Mum asks Lucy what she wants for her birthday, Lucy replies I want a Barbie and a G.I Joe, mum says but Barbie comes with Ken.

No says Lucy, she comes with G.I Joe,

she fakes it with Ken.

My friend told me he used to have a good Notorious B.I.G. joke.

I said, "If you can't remember it, no biggie."

My daughter was having problems with her G string and didn’t want her daddy’s help sorting it out.

Good thing I’m learning violin too and could help.

How do you know Roy G. Biv was vaccinated?

He’s all over the spectrum.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What starts with G, ends with Y, and is something you really wouldn't want your son to be?

Grumpy, you homophobic fucks.

There's something mysterious about the G spot.

I just can't put my finger on it.

Stop saying sorry and start thanking, e.g. instead of "sorry I'm late" say "thanks for waiting"

So I said "Thank you for your loss."

G Spot

A friend of mine opened a strip club called “The G-Spot”
It closed after a week as most men couldn’t find it!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"G'Day mate, Aussie help line here. What's the problem, Cobber?" "I'm in Darwin with my Sheila and she's been stung on the minge by a wasp. Now her pussy has completely closed up!"

"Bummer, mate!!"

"Thanks mate, I hadn't thought of that. Bye!"

Today it became clear to me that the letters 'T' and 'G' are far too close together on the keyboard.

This is why I'll never be ending an email with 'Regards' ever again.

G.W. Bush, Obama and Trump die and go to heaven...

where they meet god sitting on his throne. God asks Bush:" What do you believe in?" Bush answers: "I believe in free trade and our proud nation" and God invites him to his right place. God asks Obama the same question and he answers: " I believe in democracy, help for those who can't help themselfs ...

I was talking to a woman at a bar, and she said air on a g-string gave her goosebumps.

It was 10 minutes before I realized she was talking about the musical piece by Bach.

A man walks into a bar and says "G-g-give me a b-b-beer". The bartender says "One b-b-beer coming r-r-right up".

Halfway through the beer a Texan comes in and says in his thick Texas accent, "Gimme a taaall beeeer."

The bartender says in a similar thick Texas accent, "One taaall beeeer coming riiight up."

The first guy says to the bartender, "Hey, are you m-m-making f-f-f-f-fun of m-m-me?"
...

I got a G in Physics and my parents grounded me.

They say I don't understand the gravity of the situation!

What would be Einstein's stage name if he were a rapper?

MC Square

What has an N, an I, two G's, an E, and an R and can be used to describe people of a certain color?

'Ginger'

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"Goan...G-O-A-N…Goan."

A local radio station is having a contest: the first person to call in with an English word the DJ has never heard of will win $1000.

So this guy calls in and when asked for the word, he says,

The DJ thinks for a moment and says, "That’s not even a real word!"

"Sure it is," arg...

Stay away from G-mail if you don't want to get shivers down your spine

There's clearly a draft in there.

I broke a G string fingering A minor...

Does anybody know a good guitar repair shop?

I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker.

But when I got home, all the signs were there.

One day at a bus stop there was a girl who was wearing a skin-tight miniskirt.

When the bus arrived and it was her turn to get on, she realized that her skirt was so tight that she couldn’t get her foot high enough to reach the step.

Thinking it would give her enough slack to raise her leg, she reached back and unzipped her skirt a little. She still could not reach the ...

Art Show

A man walked into the Lourve with a plastic clicking box.

He held it up to a renaissance portrait; the box didn't click at all. He moved on to the surrealist paintings—the plastic box clicked a little. Security got anxious.

Just as they were about to stop him he moved into an exhibitio...

What do you call a 26-mile long G-string?

A marathong

A programmer

A programmer is going to the grocery store and his wife tells him, "Buy a gallon of milk, and if there are eggs, buy a dozen." So the programmer goes, buys everything, and drives back to his house. Upon arrival, his wife angrily asks him, "Why did you get 13 gallons of milk?" The programmer says, "T...

Why couldn’t G-Unit get on the bus?

Because they didn’t have 50 Cent!

What's the difference between a golf ball and a G spot?

A man will spend 20 minutes looking for a golf ball.

M.A.G.A.

My Attorney Got Arrested

Have you heard the people who pronounce 'Pangea' with a hard 'g' instead of the soft one?

For the confused, I'm talking about consonantal drift.

I have an EpiPen

My friend gave it to me when he was dying, it seemed very important to him that I have it.

The Notorious B.I.G. once hosted a house party featuring a giant fortune teller

It was a large medium at Small's.

Whats the difference between a repeated joke and an original joke on reddit?

You would have read one before, but the other you wouldn't have Reddit yet.

Arguing with a woman is like reading a software license agreement.

In the end you ignore it all and just click "I agree"

I dumped my lazy eyed g/f

I think she was seeing someone else

In Flint, Michigan, students have no difficulty learning A — G and P — Z.

The problem’s H to O.

Why was the ketchup feeling bad?

Because it had the squirts.

Courtesy of my 8 year old nephew

S G E G

Scrambled Eggs.

What was the guitar teacher arrested for?

Fingering a minor

What does Kenny G fantasize about every night?

Saxual intercourse.

I bought my G/F a nightie with fur around the bottom....

It helps keep her neck warm.

Changing a "C" to a "G" can have fatal consequences...

because some Clockwork suddenly turns into a drive-by shooting.

Why isn't Barbie pregnant?

Ken came in a different box..

What do you call it when your Biology grade is close to an F?

Biodegraded

A phone call to G-d

One cheery day, a Texas billionaire was visiting Moscow on business. Russian president Putin was giving him the grand tour, Ukraine, St. Petersburg and finally the Kremlin.

The tall Texan saw on Putin's desk 3 different color telephones, a red one a blue one and a white one. The Texan quest...

Yo momma's so fat that objects 5 meters away accelerate at 1 m/s^2 toward her. What is yo momma's mass if G = 6.67x10^-11Nm^2/kg^2?

Please, someone help me, I can't solve it and it's making me nuts.

A joke my 8 year old brother told me. G rating

Why dont you take a pokemon to the bathroom.





Because it might pi-ka-chu

T.G.I.F (NSFW?) (Blonde)

A blonde gets on an elevator and notices a handsome man standing alone. She wants to strike up a conversation, so she says, "T.G.I.F."

The man replies, "S.H.I.T."

Thinking he must not have heard her correctly, the blonde repeats, "T.G.I.F."

Again, the man replies, "S.H.I.T."...

A doctor is talk g with a little girl

The doctor says,
"You're like a honey bee!"
The little girl says,
"Why? Because I'm so sweet?"
The doctor replies,
" No, because you're dying at an alarming rate."

So, an E- flat, a G- flat, and a B- flat walk into a bar.

The bartender says, "I'm sorry, we don't serve minors."

Oh wait. I should be careful with these puns. I could get in treble.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy walks into the doctors office and says, "Doc, you gotta help me, I woke up this morning and my left eye was blind!"

"Alright," says the Doctor, "have a seat and I'll check you out."

The doctor looks him in the eye, and after a second says "Well, you're going
to have to stop masturbating for a little while."

"Why?" asks the man.

"Because I'm trying to give you an eye exam."

A woman goes into a bar and says "T G I F, hey bar keep, give me a beer."

The bartender replies, "S H I T. what would you like?

The woman says "uh, okay. I'll have a lager. Whew, T G I F"

The bartender says, "S H I T, here you go," and hands her the beer.

The woman starts to get irritated and says "why do you keep saying S H I T? I'm a lady and I...

What did 50 Cent say to his grandma when gave him a sweater for Christmas?

Gee! You knit?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Light travels faster than sound,

which is why some people appear bright until they open their fucking mouths

Edward G Robinsons father became a woman, and his mother became a man. He has been very open discussing this.

He has trans parents, see

A man walks into a pub, sits down, asks for a beer, wipes his sweaty forehead, and says, "T.G.I.F.!"

The woman at the other end of the bar smiles at him, shakes her head, and replies, "S.P.I.T."

The man's puzzled, so he makes eye contact with her, and very clearly enunciates "T.G.I.F." The woman equally clearly enunciates "S.P.I.T."

"Lady, what the hell's that supposed to mean? I don...

Captain Ahab is like G.W. Bush

They're both violent men that have a revenge fantasy against a cheap source of oil.

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