‌‌I wa‌‌s crossin‌‌g th‌‌e stree‌‌t whe‌‌n ‌‌I suddenl‌‌y notice‌‌d m‌‌y e‌‌x gettin‌‌g ru‌‌n ove‌‌r b‌‌y ‌‌a bus‌‌. ‌‌I though‌‌t t‌‌o myself‌‌, "Wow‌‌! Tha‌‌t coul‌‌d hav‌‌e bee‌‌n me!"

The‌‌n ‌‌I remembere‌‌d ‌‌I can’‌‌t driv‌‌e ‌‌a bus :(

M‌‌y d‌‌a‌‌d f‌‌irs‌‌t t‌‌alke‌‌d t‌‌‌‌o m‌‌‌‌e a‌‌bou‌‌t s‌‌e‌‌x w‌‌he‌‌n I‌‌‌‌ w‌‌a‌‌s g‌‌oin‌‌g t‌‌‌‌o c‌‌ollege.

H‌‌e s‌‌aid‌‌, "‌‌Son‌‌, i‌‌‌‌n c‌‌olleg‌‌e y‌‌ou'r‌‌e g‌‌oin‌‌g t‌‌‌‌o b‌‌‌‌e s‌‌urrounde‌‌d b‌‌‌‌y b‌‌eautifu‌‌l g‌‌irls‌‌, s‌‌‌‌o I‌‌‌‌ g‌‌o‌‌t y‌‌o‌‌u s‌‌omethin‌‌g f‌‌ro‌‌m t‌‌h‌‌e c‌‌hemist."

"Dad,‌‌" I‌‌‌‌ s‌‌aid‌‌, "‌‌‌‌I h‌‌av‌‌e c‌‌ondoms."

An‌‌d h‌‌‌‌e s‌‌aid‌‌, "‌‌Yo‌‌u w‌‌...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm kinda like Wolverine from the X-Men.

I may not have a healing factor, or adamantium claws/skeleton.

But I am a short, grumpy Canadian guy with a fucked up past, and lots of emotional baggage.

I almost struck 'x=1' with my fist, but didn't.

Sorry, no punchline.

There are rumors that Tesla is considering on a stretched, three row version of their Model X SUV. The project is on Musk's desk waiting for a decision on whether to go forward.

Their next car is Elon gated.

In every X-Men movie Wolverine looks at his claws like he forgot he had them

and then he gets real mad

Never lie to an X-ray technician

they can see right through you

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What are two words that start with the letter x?

1. X-ray
2. X-nobody fucking remembers

Simon Cowell could win X-Factor

He's got a tragic back-story

What did Elon Musk say to Grimes before they made X Æ A-12?

i 1 2 ½ 6

Gillian Anderson of the x files just lost custody of her 12 year old boy following a long legal battle.

She is now Gillian Withouterson.

‌‌I p‌‌roposed t‌‌o m‌‌y e‌‌x-wife t‌‌oday

She s‌‌aid n‌‌o, s‌‌he t‌‌hinks I‌‌'m j‌‌ust a‌‌fter m‌‌y m‌‌oney.

My friend doesn't know if he wants the new Xbox X or PS5

A couple of us have tried giving him advice but he's still very troubled about the decision. Nobody can console him.

The Court has decided Elon Musk will be Granted Sole Custody of Child X Æ A-12 After Divorce from Wife Grimes

Since he filed for and was awarded the patent back in March of 2019

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My e‌‌x a‌‌nd I‌‌ had a safe word

So when things would get a little too rough in the bedroom, she'd yell, "Marry me!" and I would pull out, leave her apartment, and not call her for a few weeks. Super safe.

What does a skeleton call an x-ray?

A selfie.

Algebra stop asking us to find your x

She's not coming back

To the person who invented the letter after X

why??

If I had a p*rn addiction and when I get older it turns into a s*x addiction,

Could you say my addiction... got out of hand?

X Æ A-12 : What's the WiFi password?

Elon : Tom

What did x æ a-12 got when he was given a lithium iron battery, to reboot himself?

Li-Fe

Professor X: whats your super power?

Me: Hindsight.
Professor x: that wont help us.
Me: Yes I see that now

Kanye West invited me to his presidential rally, I told him I'd only go if I could wear X-Ray goggles, he asked me why?

I said to him, "I already know you're crazy, but now I can see your nuts too!"

I used to be married to an X-Ray Machine

We got a divorce yesterday so I Guess you can call it my Ex-Ray Machine

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If y = f(x) means y is a function of x

Then;

being a lying ass hoe = f(my(x))

should be an easy equation to understand

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The reason why Space X has a spa

Is because without Spa it would be sex.

All these "Don't pay too much for [x]" Wikibuy/Honey ads are really convincing.

They convinced me to download Adblocker.

I got punched by my X-Box controller for breaking his charging cord.

He was charged with battery.

‌‌Superman h‌‌ad a‌‌ h‌‌uge c‌‌rush o‌‌n W‌‌onder W‌‌oman but he was t‌‌oo s‌‌cared t‌‌o t‌‌ell h‌‌er, f‌‌earing i‌‌t w‌‌ould r‌‌uin t‌‌heir w‌‌ork r‌‌elationship.

O‌‌ne d‌‌ay, h‌‌e w‌‌as u‌‌sing h‌‌is X‌‌-ray v‌‌ision t‌‌o w‌‌atch h‌‌er i‌‌n h‌‌er a‌‌partment. H‌‌e s‌‌aw h‌‌er p‌‌ut o‌‌n m‌‌usic a‌‌nd s‌‌tart t‌‌aking h‌‌er c‌‌lothes o‌‌ff. S‌‌he s‌‌at d‌‌own o‌‌n h‌‌er b‌‌ed. S‌‌he w‌‌as g‌‌etting i‌‌n t‌‌he r‌‌omantic m‌‌ood. S‌‌he w‌‌as s‌‌quirming a‌‌roun...

I caught my wife having s*x with her personal trainer

I said: this isn't working out

Solve this math problem: 230 - 220 x 0.5

You may not believe it, but the answer is 5!

Elon Musk would never have to worry if he lost his son X

He could just go to a mathematician to find him.

Teacher: alright time for attendance. Is X Æ A-12 here?

**X Æ A-12:** present

**Teacher:** okay and how about... umm... achhh-med???

**Ahmed:** -__-

Why is it so difficult to remodel x-rated theaters?

All the walls are load-bearing.

I made a graph showing my past relationships

It has an ex-axis and a why-axis

X Æ A-12

Enough of this ‘X Æ A-12’ jokes, we have Elon-gated the topic too much.

I'm trying to learn the alphabet but I can't get past 'X'

I just don't know why !

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why is the I phone x the first phone an orphan gets?

Because there is no home button

Which x-men member is hated by conservatives?

Caitlyn Jenner

Last week I x-rayed a bird in Norway.

Yep. Scanned an avian.

Thanos X John Wick

Advisor to Thanos: "Sir, John Wick survived the snap."

Thanos: "So?"

Advisor to Thanos; "His dog didn't."

Thanos: "Oh....."

X Æ A-12 not even gonna have any birthday parties...

Elon's just gonna release the patch notes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How does Professor X have sex?

He mindfucks people.

A teacher asked a student for a description of the graph of y=cos(x).

The student just shrugged.

What do you call Professor X doing a wheelie?

Professor +

Bosnian X-Files

In Sarajevo hospital, at intensive care unit, a patient would die every single Friday at exactly 11 PM, in the very same bed, no matter what their medical condition may have been.

Doctors became extremely worried because they couldn't determine causes of their deaths.

Time passed on a...

Caitlin Jenner is in the next X-men movie

Well, she is an ex-man...

Quarantine day #(x+1)

Even the food I eat would be less hygienic than I am.

I used to be addicted to Germ-X

But I’m clean now.

((cos^-2 x) - 1)^(1/2)

Sorry, I went off on a tangent

A recent Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver’s license

He first had to take an eye exam. The optician led him to an eye chart and pointed to a row with the letters-

‘C Z W I M T O S T A C Z’

“Can you read this?” The optician asked.

“Read it?!” The Polish man replied. “I even know the guy!”

ƒ(x) walks into a bar.

The barman says, "Sorry, we don't cater for functions."

Professor X: what's your super power?

Me: I am really flexible.

*Professor X stares at watch*

Professor X: Looks like we have to reschedule.

Me: ok

A man applies to be a superhero as a part of the X-Men

When asked what his super power is, the man replies "Hindsight".

The doctor says "That won't be of any use to us".

The man replies, "Yes, I see that now".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Professor X to JK Rowling:

Professor X: "What's your power?"

JK Rowling: "I can rewrite the past of fictional characters."

Gay Professor X: "Interesting."

d/dx (∫ (f (x)) dx )

Thats disintegration

A-B-C-D-E-F-G-H-I-J-K-phosphorus-Q-R-S-T-U-V-W-X-Y and Z.

"Umm.. Why did you say phosphorus?"

Because it is the ....EL-EM-ENT-AL P.

I had my leg x-rayed today.

The doctor told me "your patella measures 2.54 cm"

By surprise I said "Inch high knees?"

The doctor replied "披萨卷披萨卷2.54披萨卷"

One day Jesus was delivering a sermon to his flock. "The path to the Lord lies at y=x2−4x+2". A passer-by leans over to Peter and whispers "what's he banging on about?"

Peter replies "don't worry, it's just one of his parabolas"

I can’t seem to find my X

And I don’t know Y either

Honestly nothing seems to add up right now.

I think I finally concluded who my favorite X-Man is.

It’s gotta be Caitlyn Jenner

Why didn't Jesus play in the Bethlehem X Nazareth soccer match?

Because he was suspended.

Who was Malcolm X's father?

Malcolm IX

What did the Romans say after a good crucifixion?

Nailed it.

Doctor: "I'm just waiting for your X-Ray."

Blonde: "I've never dated anyone by that name."

Doctor [looking at my x-rays] : this is exactly what I was afraid of.

Me: What?

Doctor: Skeletons

If x=y and y=z, then x=z.

Applying the same logic.

If all men are pigs.
And Men and women are equal.

Then all women are pigs.

Caitlyn Jenner becomes a super hero but doesn’t know what group to join...

She’s still deciding whether to be an Ex-men or a Trans-former

In China, you can criticise every Roman numeral from I to X.

But you can't criticize Xi.

Jesus: I can turn water into wine. Professor X: That's a neat party trick and all but it surely can't be useful in batt-

Guards: *Fall down dead*.
Jesus: *blows on his index finger as if it were a gun barrel* People are made of 90% water

Relationships are like algebra: You look at your X and wonder Y

Relationships are like algebra:


You look at your X and wonder Y

Who is your favorite X-Man?

I like Wolverine but Bruce Jenner is a close second.

If I could have a superpower, it would be x-ray vision.

If I have one fault, it's never seeing things through.

What's 2 x 2?

Mathematician : 4

Physicist : 4.0

Statistician : 4 with an error of 0.1 either way

Engineer : about 4 but I'll say 6 to be on the safe side.

What do you call an X-Men who only does amazing things?

Magneato.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license.

First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test.

The optician showed him a card with the letters

'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'

'Can you read this?' the optician asked.

'Read it?' the Polish guy replied, 'I know the guy.'

Before Malcolm X ever went bowling, he'd get his friends really drunk...

Then he convinced them all that he got a strike on his first bowl.

Vicar: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T man and wife V W X Y Z

Groom: Why did you say that?

Vicar: Because I now pronounce u 'man and wife'

What's the difference between an iPhone X and one ounce of gold?

An ounce of gold will still be worth a grand next year.

What do you call X-rays taken by a dentist?

Tooth-pics.

Since this year they launched the iPhone 8/X

We'll probably get to see 9/11 next year

I recently bought a 256GB iPhone X, my son dropped it and the screen shattered. Anyway, I'm doing a giveaway.

The kid is 8 years old, cute, thin and not very tall.

I don't get why you always have to find x in math equations

Guess I'll never know y

I tried to lie to my x-ray tech about my broken leg

But he could see right through me...


And then i didnt have a leg to stand on.

Did you know 2 x 10 is the same as 2 x 11?

**One is twenty, and the other is twenty too!**

Edit: RIP Inbox. We hardly knew ye.
First front page ever! Woo!

I tried to lie to my radiologist, saying that this was my first time getting an x-ray.

Unfortunately, he saw right through me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife’s nickname is Lil Nas X

I ask her for a little sex all the time and she just says ‘Nahh’

Professor X: And what exactly is your mutant power?

I whisper, *its not very good* in his left ear, but he hears it in his right ear.

Why did Antman stop talking when he joined the x men??

He became a mute ant.

I wondered for a long time why Apple and Microsoft went straight from iPhone/Windows 8 straight to X/10...

Then it finally occurred to me that 7 ate 9.

Donald Trump should be cast in an X-Men movie

Seems his secret superpower is making vast amount of wealth disappear

What can you make with 6.02 x 10^23 avocados?

Guaca-mole

I recently upgraded to an iPhone X

What can I say? It’s a top notch phone

I just gave a homeless guy 530 dollars and my new iPhone x

He was so happy he even put his knife back in his pocket

Dogs can’t read an X-ray or MRI...

But catscan.

Why does everyone choose 'x' as the go-to alphabet in mathematics ?

Duh, Because its easy to x-plane





*Fckin kill me already*

I just watched a movie about a y=x graph

The plot was a bit predictable


And a little flat


Good special f(x) though

Interviewer: It says here on your resume that you're extremely fast at calculations. What is 25 x 14?

Candidate : 39!

Interviewer: What? That's not even close!

Candidate : Yeah, but it was quick!

Maths is fun

One day, e^x sees x^2 running down the street in a panic. "What's wrong?" asks e^x. "There's a Differential Operator in town!" yells x^2. "If I run into him too many times, I'll disappear!"

"Don't worry," responds e^x. "I'll go have a chat with him. No, don't worry about me -- he can't hur...

X marks the end of the alphabet...

...very badly

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So I suggested to my wife that she'd look sexier with her hair back.

Which is apparently an insensitive thing to say to a cancer patient.

A judge was giving away a free iPhone X case but there was a catch

You had to win the case

A boy shows his new iPhone X to a friend....

The friend is jealous and asked him: "Where did you get it?"

To that the boy replies: "I won it in a race"

The friend, intrigued asks: "Against whom?"

To that the boy replies again: "The phone's owner and two police officers....

X factor audition.

Boy:* Enters crying *


Judges: Guys we have a winner for this year.

A horse walks into a bar and orders a pint.

The barkeep says, “You’re in here pretty often. Do you think you might be an alcoholic?”

The horse replies, “I don’t think I am,” and vanishes from existence.

See, the joke is about Descartes’ famous philosophy of ‘I think; therefore, I am”, but to explain that part before the rest of...

So there are a boy playing his X-Box whilst his girlfriend watches.

So the boy says: "Why do you look so sad?"

The girl is silent. He turns off the X-Box.

His girlfriend asks: "Why did you turn it off?"

"Because I have something far better to play with!"

She blushes...

He turns on his PS4

Why was e^x so lonely at the party?

Because every time he tried to integrate, he ended up with himself.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The therapist is talking to his patient...

The patient: I’m afraid of the vertical axis
The therapist: Why?
Patient: *runs out of room screaming*

A horse walks into a bar and says, “On a right-angled triangle with sides X, Y and Z, if X and Z are perpendicular, which side is opposite the right angle?”

The bartender says, “Y, long face.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The iPhone X removes the home button.

Meaning you'll be homeless on several different levels.

What has 6.022 x 10^23 molecules and makes a great breakfast?

Avogadro toast

e^x, x and x^2 went to a party.

x and x^2 noticed e^x has been standing in the same corner since they arrived.

x asked "Why don't you go mix in with the crowd?"

e^x replied "Well, no matter how much I integrate it's still the same!"

I really like the iPhone X

It's the only thing that gets turned on by looking at me

I’m selling an almost brand new iPhone X with a minor issue for $50

Issue: the owner is calling

How much dirt is in a 12 x 6 x 3 hole?

None. It’s a hole.

What can make X squared equal negative 1?

i can

I just donated the contents of my wallet, my iPhone X, and my $10,000 Rolex watch to some poor guy living on the streets.

You wouldn't believe the happiness I felt as he put his gun back into his pocket.

So, my child just broke my new iPhone X screen. So, here’s a give away to a random Redditor!

She’s about 7, can do math and housework. Anyone interested?

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