Talking to my X: Hey, what's up?

Talking to my Y:

?

p

u

s

'

t

a

h

w

,

y

e

H

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Professor X ask a girl, "so, what's your mutant power"?

Girl: "I can guess how many pulls to turn a celing fan off on the first try!"

Professor X: "oh really?"

Girl \[points up\]: " 2 pulls"

Professor X: \[stands up and pulls twice\] "not bad kid, but not a power".

Girl: "Im kidding, i can heal paraplegics"

Professor x:...

‌‌I wa‌‌s crossin‌‌g th‌‌e stree‌‌t whe‌‌n ‌‌I suddenl‌‌y notice‌‌d m‌‌y e‌‌x gettin‌‌g ru‌‌n ove‌‌r b‌‌y ‌‌a bus‌‌. ‌‌I though‌‌t t‌‌o myself‌‌, "Wow‌‌! Tha‌‌t coul‌‌d hav‌‌e bee‌‌n me!"

The‌‌n ‌‌I remembere‌‌d ‌‌I can’‌‌t driv‌‌e ‌‌a bus :(

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What do you call an entitled Gen X’er who loves Japanese beer but has trouble wiping her ass?

Karen Itchybum

My mom was a radiologist. She met my dad when he came in one day for an x-ray.

I wonder what she saw in him...

I didn’t get the Xbox Series X I wanted for my birthday.

I need someone to console me.

Me - "Shall I buy the PS5 or the Xbox Series X?"

Wife - "I'd rather you buy an Eggs Box £3.60"


Lol my wife actually said this and I thought it was so dumb, it made me chuckle and that I thought I'd share it here.

I'm afraid of being vulnerable in front of X-Ray Technicians.

They can see right through me.

I just watched a movie about a y = x graph

The plot was a bit predictable

And a little flat

Good special f(x) though

The letters in the English alphabet go to the beach (don't ask me why). Every letter gets sunburned except W, X, Y and Z. Why?

They had UV protection in front.

Everybody loves the iPhone X, XS and 11 Pro...

Because their top notch

WARNING: This is an X joke (18+)

X=19

M‌‌y d‌‌a‌‌d f‌‌irs‌‌t t‌‌alke‌‌d t‌‌‌‌o m‌‌‌‌e a‌‌bou‌‌t s‌‌e‌‌x w‌‌he‌‌n I‌‌‌‌ w‌‌a‌‌s g‌‌oin‌‌g t‌‌‌‌o c‌‌ollege.

H‌‌e s‌‌aid‌‌, "‌‌Son‌‌, i‌‌‌‌n c‌‌olleg‌‌e y‌‌ou'r‌‌e g‌‌oin‌‌g t‌‌‌‌o b‌‌‌‌e s‌‌urrounde‌‌d b‌‌‌‌y b‌‌eautifu‌‌l g‌‌irls‌‌, s‌‌‌‌o I‌‌‌‌ g‌‌o‌‌t y‌‌o‌‌u s‌‌omethin‌‌g f‌‌ro‌‌m t‌‌h‌‌e c‌‌hemist."

"Dad,‌‌" I‌‌‌‌ s‌‌aid‌‌, "‌‌‌‌I h‌‌av‌‌e c‌‌ondoms."

An‌‌d h‌‌‌‌e s‌‌aid‌‌, "‌‌Yo‌‌u w‌‌...

Why did d/dx break up with e^x?

She finally realized that she could never change him. #mathcanbefunny

The new X Box Series or PS5 should have a CD stacker installed.

It would be a real game changer

y = mx + c

My favourite one liner.

My mom is the best. She’s always honest with me, and today she told me she’s one of the X-men.

I guess you could say she’s a transparent transparent.

Religions are like e^x.

No matter how you try to differentiate them or integrate them. They remain the same.

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A married man was having an extra-marital affair

One day when he was visiting his girlfriend,when she requested that he shave his beard.

“Oh James, I like your beard, but I would really love to see your handsome face.”

James replied,“My wife loves this beard. I couldn’t possibly do it. She would kill me!!”

“Oh please?” the gir...

Gabriel's Horn is a geometric figure formed by rotating f(x)=1/x about the x axis. It has finite volume, but infinite surface area.

This is the complete opposite of the Vuvuzela, which has a finite surface area, but infinite volume

I almost struck 'x=1' with my fist, but didn't.

Sorry, no punchline.

‌‌I p‌‌roposed t‌‌o m‌‌y e‌‌x-wife t‌‌oday

She s‌‌aid n‌‌o, s‌‌he t‌‌hinks I‌‌'m j‌‌ust a‌‌fter m‌‌y m‌‌oney.

There are rumors that Tesla is considering on a stretched, three row version of their Model X SUV. The project is on Musk's desk waiting for a decision on whether to go forward.

Their next car is Elon gated.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My e‌‌x a‌‌nd I‌‌ had a safe word

So when things would get a little too rough in the bedroom, she'd yell, "Marry me!" and I would pull out, leave her apartment, and not call her for a few weeks. Super safe.

What did Elon Musk say to Grimes before they made X Æ A-12?

i 1 2 ½ 6

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What are two words that start with the letter x?

1. X-ray
2. X-nobody fucking remembers

In every X-Men movie Wolverine looks at his claws like he forgot he had them

and then he gets real mad

X Æ A-12 : What's the WiFi password?

Elon : Tom

My friend doesn't know if he wants the new Xbox X or PS5

A couple of us have tried giving him advice but he's still very troubled about the decision. Nobody can console him.

Simon Cowell could win X-Factor

He's got a tragic back-story

Professor X: whats your super power?

Me: Hindsight.
Professor x: that wont help us.
Me: Yes I see that now

Algebra stop asking us to find your x

She's not coming back

Gillian Anderson of the x files just lost custody of her 12 year old boy following a long legal battle.

She is now Gillian Withouterson.

What did x æ a-12 got when he was given a lithium iron battery, to reboot himself?

Li-Fe

To the person who invented the letter after X

why??

The Court has decided Elon Musk will be Granted Sole Custody of Child X Æ A-12 After Divorce from Wife Grimes

Since he filed for and was awarded the patent back in March of 2019

What does a skeleton call an x-ray?

A selfie.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If y = f(x) means y is a function of x

Then;

being a lying ass hoe = f(my(x))

should be an easy equation to understand

Why is it so difficult to remodel x-rated theaters?

All the walls are load-bearing.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The reason why Space X has a spa

Is because without Spa it would be sex.

Kanye West invited me to his presidential rally, I told him I'd only go if I could wear X-Ray goggles, he asked me why?

I said to him, "I already know you're crazy, but now I can see your nuts too!"

I made a graph showing my past relationships

It has an ex-axis and a why-axis

Malcolm X

TIL that right before his death, Malcolm X was working on a book denouncing the factory farm system and advocating for a vegetarian lifestyle. It was going to be called "By Any Greens Necessary"

‌‌Superman h‌‌ad a‌‌ h‌‌uge c‌‌rush o‌‌n W‌‌onder W‌‌oman but he was t‌‌oo s‌‌cared t‌‌o t‌‌ell h‌‌er, f‌‌earing i‌‌t w‌‌ould r‌‌uin t‌‌heir w‌‌ork r‌‌elationship.

O‌‌ne d‌‌ay, h‌‌e w‌‌as u‌‌sing h‌‌is X‌‌-ray v‌‌ision t‌‌o w‌‌atch h‌‌er i‌‌n h‌‌er a‌‌partment. H‌‌e s‌‌aw h‌‌er p‌‌ut o‌‌n m‌‌usic a‌‌nd s‌‌tart t‌‌aking h‌‌er c‌‌lothes o‌‌ff. S‌‌he s‌‌at d‌‌own o‌‌n h‌‌er b‌‌ed. S‌‌he w‌‌as g‌‌etting i‌‌n t‌‌he r‌‌omantic m‌‌ood. S‌‌he w‌‌as s‌‌quirming a‌‌roun...

Solve this math problem: 230 - 220 x 0.5

You may not believe it, but the answer is 5!

I got punched by my X-Box controller for breaking his charging cord.

He was charged with battery.

What does a dentist call his x-rays?

Tooth pics

I caught my wife having s*x with her personal trainer

I said: this isn't working out

Teacher: alright time for attendance. Is X Æ A-12 here?

**X Æ A-12:** present

**Teacher:** okay and how about... umm... achhh-med???

**Ahmed:** -__-

Last week I x-rayed a bird in Norway.

Yep. Scanned an avian.

Elon Musk would never have to worry if he lost his son X

He could just go to a mathematician to find him.

Which x-men member is hated by conservatives?

Caitlyn Jenner

How does a programmer confuse a mathematician?

x = x + 1

Thanos X John Wick

Advisor to Thanos: "Sir, John Wick survived the snap."

Thanos: "So?"

Advisor to Thanos; "His dog didn't."

Thanos: "Oh....."

I'm trying to learn the alphabet but I can't get past X

I dont know why

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How does Professor X have sex?

He mindfucks people.

All these "Don't pay too much for [x]" Wikibuy/Honey ads are really convincing.

They convinced me to download Adblocker.

X Æ A-12

Enough of this ‘X Æ A-12’ jokes, we have Elon-gated the topic too much.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why is the I phone x the first phone an orphan gets?

Because there is no home button

X Æ A-12 not even gonna have any birthday parties...

Elon's just gonna release the patch notes

A teacher asked a student for a description of the graph of y=cos(x).

The student just shrugged.

Doctor: checking my x-rays

Doctor: this is exactly what I was afraid of

Me: what

Doctor: skeletons

Caitlin Jenner is in the next X-men movie

Well, she is an ex-man...

ƒ(x) walks into a bar.

The barman says, "Sorry, we don't cater for functions."

Bosnian X-Files

In Sarajevo hospital, at intensive care unit, a patient would die every single Friday at exactly 11 PM, in the very same bed, no matter what their medical condition may have been.

Doctors became extremely worried because they couldn't determine causes of their deaths.

Time passed on a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Professor X to JK Rowling:

Professor X: "What's your power?"

JK Rowling: "I can rewrite the past of fictional characters."

Gay Professor X: "Interesting."

((cos^-2 x) - 1)^(1/2)

Sorry, I went off on a tangent

Quarantine day #(x+1)

Even the food I eat would be less hygienic than I am.

I had my leg x-rayed today.

The doctor told me "your patella measures 2.54 cm"

By surprise I said "Inch high knees?"

The doctor replied "披萨卷披萨卷2.54披萨卷"

I used to be addicted to Germ-X

But I’m clean now.

A man applies to be a superhero as a part of the X-Men

When asked what his super power is, the man replies "Hindsight".

The doctor says "That won't be of any use to us".

The man replies, "Yes, I see that now".

d/dx (∫ (f (x)) dx )

Thats disintegration

Professor X: what's your super power?

Me: I am really flexible.

*Professor X stares at watch*

Professor X: Looks like we have to reschedule.

Me: ok

A-B-C-D-E-F-G-H-I-J-K-phosphorus-Q-R-S-T-U-V-W-X-Y and Z.

"Umm.. Why did you say phosphorus?"

Because it is the ....EL-EM-ENT-AL P.

A recent Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver’s license

He first had to take an eye exam. The optician led him to an eye chart and pointed to a row with the letters-

‘C Z W I M T O S T A C Z’

“Can you read this?” The optician asked.

“Read it?!” The Polish man replied. “I even know the guy!”

If x=y and y=z, then x=z.

Applying the same logic.

If all men are pigs.
And Men and women are equal.

Then all women are pigs.

One day Jesus was delivering a sermon to his flock. "The path to the Lord lies at y=x2−4x+2". A passer-by leans over to Peter and whispers "what's he banging on about?"

Peter replies "don't worry, it's just one of his parabolas"

Doctor: "I'm just waiting for your X-Ray."

Blonde: "I've never dated anyone by that name."

Caitlyn Jenner becomes a super hero but doesn’t know what group to join...

She’s still deciding whether to be an Ex-men or a Trans-former

I recently got back together with my X girlfriend...

I was so miserable without her it was like having her there!

Why didn't Jesus play in the Bethlehem X Nazareth soccer match?

Because he was suspended.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license.

First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test.

The optician showed him a card with the letters

'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'

'Can you read this?' the optician asked.

'Read it?' the Polish guy replied, 'I know the guy.'

I think I finally concluded who my favorite X-Man is.

It’s gotta be Caitlyn Jenner

What's the difference between an iPhone X and one ounce of gold?

An ounce of gold will still be worth a grand next year.

What's 2 x 2?

Mathematician : 4

Physicist : 4.0

Statistician : 4 with an error of 0.1 either way

Engineer : about 4 but I'll say 6 to be on the safe side.

Who was Malcolm X's father?

Malcolm IX

Since this year they launched the iPhone 8/X

We'll probably get to see 9/11 next year

Did you know 2 x 10 is the same as 2 x 11?

**One is twenty, and the other is twenty too!**

Edit: RIP Inbox. We hardly knew ye.
First front page ever! Woo!

I recently bought a 256GB iPhone X, my son dropped it and the screen shattered. Anyway, I'm doing a giveaway.

The kid is 8 years old, cute, thin and not very tall.

Relationships are like algebra: You look at your X and wonder Y

Relationships are like algebra:


You look at your X and wonder Y

Vicar: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T man and wife V W X Y Z

Groom: Why did you say that?

Vicar: Because I now pronounce u 'man and wife'

Jesus: I can turn water into wine. Professor X: That's a neat party trick and all but it surely can't be useful in batt-

Guards: *Fall down dead*.
Jesus: *blows on his index finger as if it were a gun barrel* People are made of 90% water

What do you call an X-Men who only does amazing things?

Magneato.

In China, you can criticise every Roman numeral from I to X.

But you can't criticize Xi.

If I could have a superpower, it would be x-ray vision.

If I have one fault, it's never seeing things through.

Who is your favorite X-Man?

I like Wolverine but Bruce Jenner is a close second.

What did the Romans say after a good crucifixion?

Nailed it.

I don't get why you always have to find x in math equations

Guess I'll never know y

Why did Antman stop talking when he joined the x men??

He became a mute ant.

Before Malcolm X ever went bowling, he'd get his friends really drunk...

Then he convinced them all that he got a strike on his first bowl.

I just gave a homeless guy 530 dollars and my new iPhone x

He was so happy he even put his knife back in his pocket

I tried to lie to my x-ray tech about my broken leg

But he could see right through me...


And then i didnt have a leg to stand on.

What can you make with 6.02 x 10^23 avocados?

Guaca-mole

I tried to lie to my radiologist, saying that this was my first time getting an x-ray.

Unfortunately, he saw right through me.

Donald Trump should be cast in an X-Men movie

Seems his secret superpower is making vast amount of wealth disappear

I wondered for a long time why Apple and Microsoft went straight from iPhone/Windows 8 straight to X/10...

Then it finally occurred to me that 7 ate 9.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife’s nickname is Lil Nas X

I ask her for a little sex all the time and she just says ‘Nahh’

Professor X: And what exactly is your mutant power?

I whisper, *its not very good* in his left ear, but he hears it in his right ear.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So I suggested to my wife that she'd look sexier with her hair back.

Which is apparently an insensitive thing to say to a cancer patient.

Interviewer: It says here on your resume that you're extremely fast at calculations. What is 25 x 14?

Candidate : 39!

Interviewer: What? That's not even close!

Candidate : Yeah, but it was quick!

Why was e^x so lonely at the party?

Because every time he tried to integrate, he ended up with himself.

Why does everyone choose 'x' as the go-to alphabet in mathematics ?

Duh, Because its easy to x-plane





*Fckin kill me already*

Dogs can’t read an X-ray or MRI...

But catscan.

So there are a boy playing his X-Box whilst his girlfriend watches.

So the boy says: "Why do you look so sad?"

The girl is silent. He turns off the X-Box.

His girlfriend asks: "Why did you turn it off?"

"Because I have something far better to play with!"

She blushes...

He turns on his PS4

X marks the end of the alphabet...

...very badly

Maths is fun

One day, e^x sees x^2 running down the street in a panic. "What's wrong?" asks e^x. "There's a Differential Operator in town!" yells x^2. "If I run into him too many times, I'll disappear!"

"Don't worry," responds e^x. "I'll go have a chat with him. No, don't worry about me -- he can't hur...

e^x, x and x^2 went to a party.

x and x^2 noticed e^x has been standing in the same corner since they arrived.

x asked "Why don't you go mix in with the crowd?"

e^x replied "Well, no matter how much I integrate it's still the same!"

I really like the iPhone X

It's the only thing that gets turned on by looking at me

I’m selling an almost brand new iPhone X with a minor issue for $50

Issue: the owner is calling

What has 6.022 x 10^23 molecules and makes a great breakfast?

Avogadro toast

How much dirt is in a 12 x 6 x 3 hole?

None. It’s a hole.

A judge was giving away a free iPhone X case but there was a catch

You had to win the case

A boy shows his new iPhone X to a friend....

The friend is jealous and asked him: "Where did you get it?"

To that the boy replies: "I won it in a race"

The friend, intrigued asks: "Against whom?"

To that the boy replies again: "The phone's owner and two police officers....

X factor audition.

Boy:* Enters crying *


Judges: Guys we have a winner for this year.

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