Professor X asks a girl, "what is your mutant power?"

Girl replies: "I can guess how many pulls to turn a ceiling fan off on the first try!"

She points up and says: "3 pulls"

Professor X stands up and pulls 3 times. After the third pull the fan turns off.

Professor X: "Yeah thats cool and all, but not really a super power..."
...

Does Forrest Gump belong to Gen X, Gen Y, or Gen Z?

Nope. He belongs to Gen A.

Dear algebra, stop asking us to find your x

She's not coming back. And don't ask y.

I cracked a joke about dementia to my friend at the bus. The old man sitting next to me politely asked. "Can you stop making jokes about terminal diseases?"

I replied "yes I cancer." Then I cracked tumor

Professor X: What’s your superpower?

Me: Foresight

Professor X: You know that redditors were expecting a hindsight joke repost?

Me: Yes I knew that.

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You know what I hate about X button on controller?

They never in the right place.

‌‌I wa‌‌s crossin‌‌g th‌‌e stree‌‌t whe‌‌n ‌‌I suddenl‌‌y notice‌‌d m‌‌y e‌‌x gettin‌‌g ru‌‌n ove‌‌r b‌‌y ‌‌a bus‌‌. ‌‌I though‌‌t t‌‌o myself‌‌, "Wow‌‌! Tha‌‌t coul‌‌d hav‌‌e bee‌‌n me!"

The‌‌n ‌‌I remembere‌‌d ‌‌I can’‌‌t driv‌‌e ‌‌a bus :(

What's the name of the X-rated photography site for fisherman?

OnlyFins.

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My X-ray experience

Just went for an x-ray and the radiologist asked if I had any metal implants.



I replied: nothing much just balls of steel.

Talking to my X: Hey, what's up?

Talking to my Y:

?

p

u

s

'

t

a

h

w

,

y

e

H

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm thinking of tattooing an X on each butt cheek.

That way I can have hot cross buns year round.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man brings home a X-Mas tree...

"Oh boy, this place looks amaaaazing! It is cozy and warm, so much better than the forest in which I grew up! What are those? kids? I love kids! and they are giving me clothes! Those balls are a bit heavy but they make for some really pretty earings. And those scarfs are so lustruous I wanna cry. Th...

I just gave a homeless guy 530 dollars and my new iPhone x

He was so happy he even put his knife back in his pocket

Beware of Lil Nas X's Satan Shoes.

The devil might steal your sole.

Pirates that used X to mark the spot were stupid...

If they had used a "G", nobody would ever have found their treasure.

My doctor said the X-Ray was negative.

I was like, “aren’t they all?”

My government is spreading obviously false covid-19 info about x-mas parties

Here in Sweden the government lies and says that we can have Christmas gatherings of up to 8 people without any problems. Such obvious bull! Who knows 8 people without any problems?

What came before the X-Men?

The C-Men.

What do you call 6.022 x 10^23 molecules of avocado?

A guac-mole

A constant and e^x was walking along the road...

...when they saw a differential operator in the distance. The constant stops and says "I can't go further because the differential operator will make me disappear". e^(x) replies "yea well a differential operator can't affect me". So e^(x) walks forward to the operator and says "Hey I'm e^(x) " to w...

M‌‌y d‌‌a‌‌d f‌‌irs‌‌t t‌‌alke‌‌d t‌‌‌‌o m‌‌‌‌e a‌‌bou‌‌t s‌‌e‌‌x w‌‌he‌‌n I‌‌‌‌ w‌‌a‌‌s g‌‌oin‌‌g t‌‌‌‌o c‌‌ollege.

H‌‌e s‌‌aid‌‌, "‌‌Son‌‌, i‌‌‌‌n c‌‌olleg‌‌e y‌‌ou'r‌‌e g‌‌oin‌‌g t‌‌‌‌o b‌‌‌‌e s‌‌urrounde‌‌d b‌‌‌‌y b‌‌eautifu‌‌l g‌‌irls‌‌, s‌‌‌‌o I‌‌‌‌ g‌‌o‌‌t y‌‌o‌‌u s‌‌omethin‌‌g f‌‌ro‌‌m t‌‌h‌‌e c‌‌hemist."

"Dad,‌‌" I‌‌‌‌ s‌‌aid‌‌, "‌‌‌‌I h‌‌av‌‌e c‌‌ondoms."

An‌‌d h‌‌‌‌e s‌‌aid‌‌, "‌‌Yo‌‌u w‌‌...

f(x) walks into a bar

The bartender says "Sorry, we don't cater for functions".

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I'm posting this from my job as a scrap lumber inspector at a hardware store. (x-post from r/dadjokes)

I'm feeling a little board.

My mom was a radiologist. She met my dad when he came in one day for an x-ray.

I wonder what she saw in him...

My New Years Resolutions are 1600x900, 1330 x 768 and 1024x768

I’m not buying any new tv’s.

‌‌I p‌‌roposed t‌‌o m‌‌y e‌‌x-wife t‌‌oday

She s‌‌aid n‌‌o, s‌‌he t‌‌hinks I‌‌'m j‌‌ust a‌‌fter m‌‌y m‌‌oney.

What does s*x and an inside joke have in common?

You had to be there to get it.

Professor X: what’s your super power?

Me: hindsight

Professor X: that’s not going to help us

Me: yes I see that now

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My e‌‌x a‌‌nd I‌‌ had a safe word

So when things would get a little too rough in the bedroom, she'd yell, "Marry me!" and I would pull out, leave her apartment, and not call her for a few weeks. Super safe.

The letters in the English alphabet go to the beach (don't ask me why). Every letter gets sunburned except W, X, Y and Z. Why?

They had UV protection in front.

I just watched a movie about a y = x graph

The plot was a bit predictable

And a little flat

Good special f(x) though

I'm afraid of being vulnerable in front of X-Ray Technicians.

They can see right through me.

I didn’t get the Xbox Series X I wanted for my birthday.

I need someone to console me.

Why is it so difficult to remodel x-rated theaters?

All the walls are load-bearing.

Everybody loves the iPhone X, XS and 11 Pro...

Because their top notch

Me - "Shall I buy the PS5 or the Xbox Series X?"

Wife - "I'd rather you buy an Eggs Box £3.60"


Lol my wife actually said this and I thought it was so dumb, it made me chuckle and that I thought I'd share it here.

What did Elon Musk say to Grimes before they made X Æ A-12?

i 1 2 ½ 6

Why did d/dx break up with e^x?

She finally realized that she could never change him. #mathcanbefunny

Why was Gimli so interested in plotting equations on an x-y coordinate plane?

He heard it involved axes.

y = mx + c

My favourite one liner.

I made a graph showing my past relationships

It has an ex-axis and a why-axis

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What are two words that start with the letter x?

1. X-ray
2. X-nobody fucking remembers

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why is an iPhone X perfect for an orphan?

Because it has no home button.

The new X Box Series or PS5 should have a CD stacker installed.

It would be a real game changer

X Æ A-12 : What's the WiFi password?

Elon : Tom

Religions are like e^x.

No matter how you try to differentiate them or integrate them. They remain the same.

I had my leg x-rayed today.

The doctor told me "your patella measures 2.54 cm"

By surprise I said "Inch high knees?"

The doctor replied "披萨卷披萨卷2.54披萨卷"

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A married man was having an extra-marital affair

One day when he was visiting his girlfriend,when she requested that he shave his beard.

“Oh James, I like your beard, but I would really love to see your handsome face.”

James replied,“My wife loves this beard. I couldn’t possibly do it. She would kill me!!”

“Oh please?” the gir...

What did x æ a-12 got when he was given a lithium iron battery, to reboot himself?

Li-Fe

I almost struck 'x=1' with my fist, but didn't.

Sorry, no punchline.

Gabriel's Horn is a geometric figure formed by rotating f(x)=1/x about the x axis. It has finite volume, but infinite surface area.

This is the complete opposite of the Vuvuzela, which has a finite surface area, but infinite volume

My friend doesn't know if he wants the new Xbox X or PS5

A couple of us have tried giving him advice but he's still very troubled about the decision. Nobody can console him.

Solve this math problem: 230 - 220 x 0.5

You may not believe it, but the answer is 5!

WARNING: This is an X joke (18+)

X=19

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Professor X to JK Rowling:

Professor X: "What's your power?"

JK Rowling: "I can rewrite the past of fictional characters."

Gay Professor X: "Interesting."

Last week I x-rayed a bird in Norway.

Yep. Scanned an avian.

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If y = f(x) means y is a function of x

Then;

being a lying ass hoe = f(my(x))

should be an easy equation to understand

There are rumors that Tesla is considering on a stretched, three row version of their Model X SUV. The project is on Musk's desk waiting for a decision on whether to go forward.

Their next car is Elon gated.

In every X-Men movie Wolverine looks at his claws like he forgot he had them

and then he gets real mad

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The reason why Space X has a spa

Is because without Spa it would be sex.

Thanos X John Wick

Advisor to Thanos: "Sir, John Wick survived the snap."

Thanos: "So?"

Advisor to Thanos; "His dog didn't."

Thanos: "Oh....."

Gillian Anderson of the x files just lost custody of her 12 year old boy following a long legal battle.

She is now Gillian Withouterson.

Which x-men member is hated by conservatives?

Caitlyn Jenner

I caught my wife having s*x with her personal trainer

I said: this isn't working out

If x=y and y=z, then x=z.

Applying the same logic.

If all men are pigs.
And Men and women are equal.

Then all women are pigs.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How does Professor X have sex?

He mindfucks people.

‌‌Superman h‌‌ad a‌‌ h‌‌uge c‌‌rush o‌‌n W‌‌onder W‌‌oman but he was t‌‌oo s‌‌cared t‌‌o t‌‌ell h‌‌er, f‌‌earing i‌‌t w‌‌ould r‌‌uin t‌‌heir w‌‌ork r‌‌elationship.

O‌‌ne d‌‌ay, h‌‌e w‌‌as u‌‌sing h‌‌is X‌‌-ray v‌‌ision t‌‌o w‌‌atch h‌‌er i‌‌n h‌‌er a‌‌partment. H‌‌e s‌‌aw h‌‌er p‌‌ut o‌‌n m‌‌usic a‌‌nd s‌‌tart t‌‌aking h‌‌er c‌‌lothes o‌‌ff. S‌‌he s‌‌at d‌‌own o‌‌n h‌‌er b‌‌ed. S‌‌he w‌‌as g‌‌etting i‌‌n t‌‌he r‌‌omantic m‌‌ood. S‌‌he w‌‌as s‌‌quirming a‌‌roun...

The Court has decided Elon Musk will be Granted Sole Custody of Child X Æ A-12 After Divorce from Wife Grimes

Since he filed for and was awarded the patent back in March of 2019

Simon Cowell could win X-Factor

He's got a tragic back-story

Teacher: alright time for attendance. Is X Æ A-12 here?

**X Æ A-12:** present

**Teacher:** okay and how about... umm... achhh-med???

**Ahmed:** -__-

I got punched by my X-Box controller for breaking his charging cord.

He was charged with battery.

Kanye West invited me to his presidential rally, I told him I'd only go if I could wear X-Ray goggles, he asked me why?

I said to him, "I already know you're crazy, but now I can see your nuts too!"

Caitlyn Jenner becomes a super hero but doesn’t know what group to join...

She’s still deciding whether to be an Ex-men or a Trans-former

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A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license.

First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test.

The optician showed him a card with the letters

'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'

'Can you read this?' the optician asked.

'Read it?' the Polish guy replied, 'I know the guy.'

Did you know 2 x 10 is the same as 2 x 11?

**One is twenty, and the other is twenty too!**

Edit: RIP Inbox. We hardly knew ye.
First front page ever! Woo!

Doctor [looking at my x-rays] : this is exactly what I was afraid of.

Me: What?

Doctor: Skeletons

All these "Don't pay too much for [x]" Wikibuy/Honey ads are really convincing.

They convinced me to download Adblocker.

I'm trying to learn the alphabet but I can't get past X

I dont know why

Doctor: "I'm just waiting for your X-Ray."

Blonde: "I've never dated anyone by that name."

Malcolm X

TIL that right before his death, Malcolm X was working on a book denouncing the factory farm system and advocating for a vegetarian lifestyle. It was going to be called "By Any Greens Necessary"

A man applies to be a superhero as a part of the X-Men

When asked what his super power is, the man replies "Hindsight".

The doctor says "That won't be of any use to us".

The man replies, "Yes, I see that now".

X Æ A-12

Enough of this ‘X Æ A-12’ jokes, we have Elon-gated the topic too much.

What's the difference between an iPhone X and one ounce of gold?

An ounce of gold will still be worth a grand next year.

Elon Musk would never have to worry if he lost his son X

He could just go to a mathematician to find him.

Caitlin Jenner is in the next X-men movie

Well, she is an ex-man...

X Æ A-12 not even gonna have any birthday parties...

Elon's just gonna release the patch notes

Since this year they launched the iPhone 8/X

We'll probably get to see 9/11 next year

((cos^-2 x) - 1)^(1/2)

Sorry, I went off on a tangent

What's 2 x 2?

Mathematician : 4

Physicist : 4.0

Statistician : 4 with an error of 0.1 either way

Engineer : about 4 but I'll say 6 to be on the safe side.

I recently bought a 256GB iPhone X, my son dropped it and the screen shattered. Anyway, I'm doing a giveaway.

The kid is 8 years old, cute, thin and not very tall.

A teacher asked a student for a description of the graph of y=cos(x).

The student just shrugged.

d/dx (∫ (f (x)) dx )

Thats disintegration

Bosnian X-Files

In Sarajevo hospital, at intensive care unit, a patient would die every single Friday at exactly 11 PM, in the very same bed, no matter what their medical condition may have been.

Doctors became extremely worried because they couldn't determine causes of their deaths.

Time passed on a...

Quarantine day #(x+1)

Even the food I eat would be less hygienic than I am.

I used to be addicted to Germ-X

But I’m clean now.

Vicar: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T man and wife V W X Y Z

Groom: Why did you say that?

Vicar: Because I now pronounce u 'man and wife'

Why was e^x so lonely at the party?

Because every time he tried to integrate, he ended up with himself.

A-B-C-D-E-F-G-H-I-J-K-phosphorus-Q-R-S-T-U-V-W-X-Y and Z.

"Umm.. Why did you say phosphorus?"

Because it is the ....EL-EM-ENT-AL P.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

X-Ray glasses made in China

A dude walks into a Chinese store to find sunglasses. The owner offers him new X-ray glasses to try. He puts them on and the owner is naked. Takes them off and the owner is back with his clothes on. Excited, he runs out to test more. Puts them on, and all people are naked, takes them off and clothes...

Why did Antman stop talking when he joined the x men??

He became a mute ant.

One day Jesus was delivering a sermon to his flock. "The path to the Lord lies at y=x2−4x+2". A passer-by leans over to Peter and whispers "what's he banging on about?"

Peter replies "don't worry, it's just one of his parabolas"

How does a programmer confuse a mathematician?

x = x + 1

Professor X: what's your super power?

Me: I am really flexible.

*Professor X stares at watch*

Professor X: Looks like we have to reschedule.

Me: ok

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So I suggested to my wife that she'd look sexier with her hair back.

Which is apparently an insensitive thing to say to a cancer patient.

Why didn't Jesus play in the Bethlehem X Nazareth soccer match?

Because he was suspended.

Relationships are like algebra: You look at your X and wonder Y

Relationships are like algebra:


You look at your X and wonder Y

X-men interview

Professor X: what's your superpower?

Me: I always get ignored

Gary: I can beat anyone by snapping my fingers

What do you call an X-Men who only does amazing things?

Magneato.

I think I finally concluded who my favorite X-Man is.

It’s gotta be Caitlyn Jenner

What can you make with 6.02 x 10^23 avocados?

Guaca-mole

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The cocky exponential function e^x is strolling along the road insulting the functions he sees walking by.

He scoffs at a wandering polynomial for the shortness of its Taylor series. He snickers at a passing smooth function of compact support and its glaring lack of a convergent power series about many of its points. He positively laughs as he passes |x| for being nondifferentiable at the origin. He smil...

if you added the letters S and E to the X files

it would be the X-ES Files. haha excess files. way too many files lol

I was asked who my favourite X-men was the other day...

Apparently Caitlyn Jenner was inappropriate.

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German... (x-post from /r/dadjokes)

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are all standing watching an American street performer do some juggling. The juggler notices the four gentleman have a very poor view, so he stands up on a wooden crate and calls out, "Can you all see me now?"

"Yes"

"Oui"

"Sí"<...

e^x, x and x^2 went to a party.

x and x^2 noticed e^x has been standing in the same corner since they arrived.

x asked "Why don't you go mix in with the crowd?"

e^x replied "Well, no matter how much I integrate it's still the same!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I tried to get my wife to call my dick the "Original X-Box."

But she keeps on calling it "Microsoft."

I’m selling an almost brand new iPhone X with a minor issue for $50

Issue: the owner is calling

So there are a boy playing his X-Box whilst his girlfriend watches.

So the boy says: "Why do you look so sad?"

The girl is silent. He turns off the X-Box.

His girlfriend asks: "Why did you turn it off?"

"Because I have something far better to play with!"

She blushes...

He turns on his PS4

In China, you can criticise every Roman numeral from I to X.

But you can't criticize Xi.

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