What is big, long, red, spews a liquid from an opening, generates a lot of excitement among people, adults get to have a big one and children get to have a smaller one, makes people wet and is usually associated with "hot", and is related to/contains words that begin with F and end with U,C,K?

A firetruck :D

Why is dark spelled with a ‘k’ and not a ‘c’?

Because you can’t c in the dark.

Littl‌‌e J‌‌ohnn‌‌y w‌‌a‌‌s t‌‌ol‌‌d b‌‌‌‌y h‌‌i‌‌s f‌‌riend‌‌s t‌‌ha‌‌t a‌‌dult‌‌s h‌‌av‌‌e a‌‌‌‌ d‌‌ee‌‌p d‌‌ar‌‌k s‌‌ecre‌‌t a‌‌n‌‌d c‌‌a‌‌n b‌‌‌‌e e‌‌asil‌‌y m‌‌anipulated.

Johnn‌‌y d‌‌ecide‌‌s t‌‌‌‌o t‌‌es‌‌t i‌‌t‌‌. H‌‌‌‌e c‌‌ome‌‌s h‌‌ome‌‌, g‌‌oe‌‌s u‌‌‌‌p t‌‌‌‌o h‌‌i‌‌s m‌‌othe‌‌r a‌‌n‌‌d s‌‌ays‌‌, "‌‌Mom‌‌, I‌‌‌‌ k‌‌no‌‌w e‌‌verything.‌‌" M‌‌o‌‌m s‌‌hushe‌‌s h‌‌i‌‌m a‌‌n‌‌d g‌‌ive‌‌s h‌‌i‌‌m $‌‌10.

"Jus‌‌t d‌‌on'‌‌t t‌‌el‌‌l D‌‌ad‌‌" s‌‌h‌‌e s‌‌ays.
...

It must be hard for people learning to spell in English. For example, there is one silent K in "knight", four silent K's in "knickknack"

And three silent K's in "Republican".

An Irishman arrived at J.F.K. Airport and wandered around the terminal with tears streaming down his cheeks...

An Irishman arrived at J.F.K. Airport and wandered around the terminal with tears streaming down his cheeks. An airline employee asked him if he was already homesick.

"No" replied the Irishman "I've lost all me luggage!"

"How'd that happen?"

"The cork fell out!" said the Irishma...

The U.K. government have predicted that Scotland could become a “third world country” if they gain independence.

I don’t know if things will improve to that extent but fingers crossed for them.

‌‌I walke‌‌d i‌‌n fro‌‌m wor‌‌k toda‌‌y an‌‌d m‌‌y wif‌‌e wa‌‌s sittin‌‌g o‌‌n th‌‌e sof‌‌a wit‌‌h m‌‌y girlfriend.

‌‌I said‌‌, “What’‌‌s goin‌‌g on?”

“Yo‌‌u tel‌‌l me?‌‌” replie‌‌d m‌‌y wife.

‌‌I said‌‌, “‌‌I don’‌‌t know‌‌, you’r‌‌e sittin‌‌g o‌‌n th‌‌e sof‌‌a wit‌‌h ‌‌a stranger.”

“‌‌A stranger‌‌, hey?‌‌” shoute‌‌d m‌‌y girlfriend‌‌, “I’‌‌m n‌‌o stranger‌‌, we’v‌‌e bee‌‌n havin‌‌g se‌‌x fo...

What's the difference between an ISIS K bomb maker and an Afghani aid worker?

How should I know I just fly the drone

What do you call J.K Rowling when she goes to space?

Astro TERF

I keep having flashbacks to the time I saw a K-Pop band in concert.

I think I have BTSD.

Di d y ou k n o w

tha t it’ s po s s ib l e to wri t e on t he phon e wit h you r p e ni s?
Th e on ly is su e is bal ls pre ssin g sp a c e a ll th e ti me

I got mugged in a dark alley by K-pop stars

Now I have BTSD

Do y‌‌ou e‌‌ver w‌‌ake u‌‌p, k‌‌iss t‌‌he p‌‌erson s‌‌leeping b‌‌eside y‌‌ou a‌‌nd f‌‌eel g‌‌lad t‌‌hat y‌‌ou're a‌‌live?

I j‌‌ust d‌‌id a‌‌nd a‌‌pparently w‌‌ill n‌‌ot b‌‌e a‌‌llowed o‌‌n t‌‌his a‌‌irline a‌‌gain.

‌‌I use‌‌d t‌‌o thin‌‌k al‌‌l blac‌‌k peopl‌‌e ha‌‌d boomboxes.

Turne‌‌d ou‌‌t i‌‌t wa‌‌s jus‌‌t ‌‌a stere‌‌o type.

North Korea has declared a 'cultural war' on K-pop coming in from the South. They decided the best way to counter this would be to creat their own genre of music.

They have named it K-Boom.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If Korean pop is K-pop

Does that mean that Chinese rap is Crap?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What starts with “f” and ends with “k”?

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her more precocious students. The teacher asked, “Harry, what exactly is your problem?”
Harry answered, “I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she! I think I should be in the 3rd gra...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A gang of cutlery users have turned every silent K in the world into an audible K.

Those kniving bastards.

Tom f‌‌inally d‌‌ecided t‌‌o t‌‌ie t‌‌he k‌‌not w‌‌ith h‌‌is l‌‌ongtime g‌‌irlfriend. O‌‌ne e‌‌vening, a‌‌fter t‌‌he h‌‌oneymoon, h‌‌e w‌‌as c‌‌leaning o‌‌ne o‌‌f h‌‌is h‌‌ot r‌‌ods f‌‌or a‌‌n u‌‌pcoming s‌‌how.

His w‌‌ife w‌‌as s‌‌tanding t‌‌here a‌‌t t‌‌he b‌‌ench w‌‌atching h‌‌im. A‌‌fter a‌‌ l‌‌ong p‌‌eriod o‌‌f s‌‌ilence s‌‌he f‌‌inally s‌‌peaks. "‌‌Honey, I‌‌'ve j‌‌ust b‌‌een t‌‌hinking, n‌‌ow t‌‌hat w‌‌e a‌‌re m‌‌arried m‌‌aybe i‌‌t's t‌‌ime y‌‌ou q‌‌uit s‌‌pending a‌‌ll y‌‌our t‌‌ime o‌‌ut h‌‌ere i‌...

What's a four letter word ending with 'K' that means intercourse?

Talk.

Do you ever looked at someone and think, "DAMN this guy is UGLY as F**K"?

Anyway, I'm getting rid of all the mirrors in my house.

Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond.

As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned "I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what ...

‌‌The b‌‌eautiful s‌‌ecretary o‌‌f a‌‌ b‌‌ank p‌‌resident w‌‌as a‌‌sked t‌‌o s‌‌quire a‌‌round t‌‌he k‌‌ing o‌‌f a‌‌ w‌‌ealthy A‌‌frican k‌‌ingdom, o‌‌ne o‌‌f t‌‌he b‌‌ank's m‌‌ost i‌‌mportant c‌‌lients.

After a‌‌ d‌‌ay s‌‌hopping and‌‌ s‌‌ightseeing, t‌‌he k‌‌ing w‌‌as u‌‌tterly b‌‌esotted w‌‌ith t‌‌he l‌‌ady, a‌‌nd a‌‌sked f‌‌or h‌‌er h‌‌and i‌‌n m‌‌arriage. T‌‌he p‌‌roposal t‌‌ook t‌‌he s‌‌ecretary b‌‌y s‌‌urprise a‌‌nd s‌‌he w‌‌as t‌‌hinking o‌‌f h‌‌ow t‌‌o t‌‌urn h‌‌im d‌‌own p‌‌olitely w‌‌itho...

You could say I'm B.R.O.K.E.

B - Bad

R - At

O - Acronyms

K -

E -

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If Chinese music is called C-pop, Korean music is called K-pop, and Japanese music is called J-pop, what do you call Drake's music?

Crap.

Do you know why we use 'k' instead of 'c' in 'dark'?

Cause we can't c in dark.

What’s got 7 kids and loves to f**k women?

Amy Comey Barrett

In America, dogs are k-9s

But in China, dogs are e-10

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

K-9 Super Dog

My dog, Enforcer, has extremely sensitive olfactory receptors. I have trained him to be able to detect everything from bombs and drugs to cancer.

We do a lot of training for the police and the process can be very annoying. There is always at least one officer that doesn't believe a dog can d...

Men in black. After years of serving MIB, agent K, 69, found himself too old to deal with an alien drug lord. He decided to seek help from his younger self. Why did he travel to sixty years ago?

K, 9.

What do you call a native Australian that is doing quite o.k.?

An Averagenie.





(Disclaimer: not intending to hurt anyone’s feelings and/or appear racist in any way)

A teacher gives his pre-K students a riddle.

Teacher: A train was moving in the East direction at a speed of 100 mph. Another train was moving in the opposite direction at 200 mph.
What is my age?

Student: 70

Teacher- Right Answer! How’d you figure out?

Student: I have an uncle named Larry. He is 35 years old and only ...

Why is dark spelled with a k, and not a c?

Because you can’t see in the dark.

Courtesy of my 14 year old this evening.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

J. K. Rowling has revealed one of the teachers at Hogwarts was a hermaphrodite.

Professor Clitdick

While walking down "K" St, I noticed the houses were numbered 32, 64, 128, 256, and 512.

It was a stroll down Memory Lane.

My cousins are like the letter K.

They are ok by themselves, but when three of them get together, they are just horribly racist.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How many redittors does it take to change a lightbulb?

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed.

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.

7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.

17 purists who use candles and...

A friend told me that he started but couldn't complete a book called "the subtle art of not giving a f**k"

I replied - "but I think you got the point regardless!"

Who's got two thumbs and doesn't give a f**k

I don't care

Why did Michael Jackson go to K-Mart (NSFW)

He heard little boys pants were half off

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If a girl is uncomfortable watching you masturbate, do you think:

A. She is a prude and you have no future together.

B. You two should spend more time together so she can get used to that level of openness.

C. She should have sat somewhere else on the train?

My Southern friends are like "K"s

they're alright when they are by themselves, but get 3 of 'em together and it gets pretty racist

So I read J. K Rowlings announcments.

I finally understand how dumbledore got The title of headmaster.

Vicar: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T man and wife V W X Y Z

Groom: Why did you say that?

Vicar: Because I now pronounce u 'man and wife'

Whats a kiss without k called

Harassment

A-B-C-D-E-F-G-H-I-J-K-phosphorus-Q-R-S-T-U-V-W-X-Y and Z.

"Umm.. Why did you say phosphorus?"

Because it is the ....EL-EM-ENT-AL P.

What's J. K. Rowling's favourite side of a triangle?

The Harrypotenuse

J. K. Rowling originally called the secret wizarding area hidden in London Diagon Square.

But then she decided to come at it from a different angle.

What has a bunch of K's and is hated?

Kim Kylie Khloe Kendall kourtney kris Kanye

How many people does it take to start a K-Pop band?

Just one korean and a really good stylist

In a world of change, the police force needs K-9 units...

...to pick up cents.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If you don't like the U.K's new upcoming porn laws.

Beat it, kid.

What does Theresa May think U.K. stands for?

Not much

Where Are O.K. Things Made?

The Satisfactory

What starts with an F, end with a K, and has U and C in the middle

Wait no it doesn't

So, I accidentally sent a picture of my d&#k to everyone in my address book today

Not only was it really embarrassing, it cost me a fortune in stamps.

I heard they don't have any Walmart or K-marts in Syria.

Only Targets.

0 K, man.

What an absolute unit.

The U.K. police are looking for a robbery suspect that looks like “Ross” from Friends.

No one ever told him life was gonna be this way.

What's the difference between a paycheck and a D**k?

You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck.

Why don’t we pronounce k in knowledge

We haven’t acknowledged it yet

I’ll walk myself out

Weinstein, C.K., Lauer...

I think this "Dicks out for Harambe" thing is getting out of hand.

'K guys this one seems a bit fishy to mee

So, there's a fisher, who's catching fish in an area where fishing is prohibited. There even is a sign nearby that states that. Anyway, while he is fishing with his rod, a policeman comes by. He approaches the fisher: “Sir, excuse me but aren't you able to read? Can't you see the sign over there tha...

How do you get fifty old women to say f**k?

Shout "Bingo!"

I just joined a group called D.I.C.K.

It stands for International Center for Dyslexic Kids

Did you hear that Dollar Tree is opening a store in the U.K?

They're naming it pound town.

A B C D E F G, H I J K

LMNT of surprise!

H.o.m.e.w.o.r.k

Half of my energy wasted on random knowledge

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is Louis C.K's Favorite Movie?

Free Willy.

Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.

If North Korea ever made propaganda rap, it would be K-RAP

The name is self-explanatory

My girlfriend said that it wasn’t working out between us and that we should start seeing other people.

So I took her wheelchair. Just as I thought... She couldn’t stand to leave me.

Someone once asked me if everyone in the U.K. Knows the lyrics to Wonderwall

I said mayybeee

What’s a geologist’s favorite ice cream?

Rock erode.

how do you get a 78 year old lady to scream f**k?!

get another 78 year old lady to yell BINGO!


waka waka!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Breaking News: Louis C.K. makes first published statement regarding the recent alligations of sexual misconduct.

"I'm Gay."

An American visiting the U.K .......

has had a little too much to drink one particular night. He noticed two larger females sitting in the corner of the pub so he walks over to spark up a conversation and he says, hello ladies, I couldn’t help but notice your accents. ……Are you both from Ireland?
They sneer at him and the one says i...

I signed up for my company's 401(k)

but I don't think I can run that far.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Having unprotected sex is like having a 401(k)...

You have to know when to pull out

No matter how kind you are...

No matter how kind you are, German kids are kinder.

I slept with a pair of anorexic chicks from the U.K. once.

Two birds, one stone.

What is a good measure of how likely a girl is to let you f**k her in the ass?

Rule of thumb

K-N N-K

History Teacher:"Why are the Middle ages called the dark ages?"
John:"Because there were so many nights in them."

Russia, U. K. and U.S.A. just signed a monetary agreement.

A pound of rubles will cost a dollar.

"Every kiss begins with k"

I whisper to myself as I read the one letter reply from my crush.

Why does Michael Jackson shop at k-mart.

Because little boys pants are half-off.

Sorry I know this joke is too old to be one of his victims

and I know it is bad taste to make fun of the dead.

RIP K-Mart you will be missed.

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