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Woman phones pharmacy... ' Hello my husband needs something to keep his d**k up'

Pharmacist 'sounds like he needs viagra, it will keep him long and hard for hours'

Woman 'can you get it over the counter?'

Pharmacist ' if I took 4 or 5 I might......'

Why is dark spelled with a k and not a c?

You can’t see in the dark

Why is 'DARK' spelt with a 'K' and not a 'C'

Because you can't see in the dark.

Little Bobby was in class and wrote “ICK” on his desk with a pencil. He dared little Jimmy to write a “D” at the beginning. The teacher, Mr. Brown, saw the whole thing. As Jimmy wrote the “D” the teacher approached them and Bobby blamed it all on poor Jimmy. Mr Brown shouted . . .

“Bobby!!! You penciled ick!!” Mr. Brown was fired for using profanity.

Whats a kiss without k called

Harassment

What do you call it when Kim K. goes to the beach?

Pollution

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If Chinese music is called C-pop, Korean music is called K-pop, and Japanese music is called J-pop, what do you call Drake's music?

Crap.

This one goes out to the Physicists

Genie: Alright, you’ve got one wish.

Me: I wish I had a hat.

Genîe: weîrd, but ok.

My cousins are like the letter K.

They are ok by themselves, but get horribly racist when three of them get together.

I was recently attacked at a K-pop concert.

I now have BTSD.

'K guys this one seems a bit fishy to mee

So, there's a fisher, who's catching fish in an area where fishing is prohibited. There even is a sign nearby that states that. Anyway, while he is fishing with his rod, a policeman comes by. He approaches the fisher: “Sir, excuse me but aren't you able to read? Can't you see the sign over there tha...

What's J. K. Rowling's favourite side of a triangle?

The Harrypotenuse

Who's your favorite north Korean k-Pop Idol

Mine is Kim Il Sung

You could say I'm B.R.O.K.E.

B - Bad

R - At

O - Acronyms

K -

E -

How many people does it take to start a K-Pop band?

Just one korean and a really good stylist

My girlfriend said that it wasn’t working out between us and that we should start seeing other people.

So I took her wheelchair. Just as I thought... She couldn’t stand to leave me.

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A jew is on his death bed...

As he breathes his last breath he calls for his wife,"Angella are you here." The wife replies sobbing " yes dear here i am." He then asks for his two sons. The wife now choking up replies "yes dear they are here too. By your side." The man coughs and gathers up breath to ask for his daughter. The wi...

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If you don't like the U.K's new upcoming porn laws.

Beat it, kid.

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If a girl is uncomfortable watching you masturbate, do you think:

A. She is a prude and you have no future together.

B. You two should spend more time together so she can get used to that level of openness.

C. She should have sat somewhere else on the train?

I just joined a group called D.I.C.K.

It stands for International Center for Dyslexic Kids

Harry Potter Joke

Hagrid: "You're a unit of power, Harry."

Harry: "I'm a watt?"

In America some dogs are K-9

In China some dogs are E-10

What does Theresa May think U.K. stands for?

Not much

So I read J. K Rowlings announcments.

I finally understand how dumbledore got The title of headmaster.

Why don’t we pronounce k in knowledge

We haven’t acknowledged it yet

I’ll walk myself out

J.K. Rowling recently tweeted out that Hogwarts actually has a full gym for wizards to exercise and lift weights

The entrance is called the Dumbbell Door

Blind man walks with his dog into a convenience store.

He lifts his dog by the leash and starts swinging it over his head.

Store manager runs over and ask "can I help you with anything!"

Blind man says "no thanks, I'm just looking around."

Why did Michael Jackson go shopping at Walmart?

Because he heard little boys pants were half off.

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Patient: I keep having flashbacks to that one K-Pop concert.

Therapist: I see, I diagnose you with BTSD.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What starts with “f” and ends with “k”?

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her more precocious students. The teacher asked, “Harry, what exactly is your problem?”
Harry answered, “I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she! I think I should be in the 3rd gra...

If Korean pop is K-pop

Then Korean Rap is KRAP.

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A Japanese businessman goes golfing while on a trip in America

When he returns to his co-workers in Japan, they ask him about his trip.

"In America, they have strange game. You hit little white ball over great green field. Try to get in tiny little hole."

"What is this game called?" his co-workers ask.

"I think it's called...."Oh Shit."

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New Scam - Long but worth the read.

Over the last few months I have become a victim of a clever 'Eastern European' scam while out shopping. Simply dropping into the local mall for a bit of shopping turned out to be quite an experience:

Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your friends. Here's how the scam...

Vicar: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T man and wife V W X Y Z

Groom: Why did you say that?

Vicar: Because I now pronounce u 'man and wife'

If North Korea ever made propaganda rap, it would be K-RAP

The name is self-explanatory

What is the only word spelled with a single K?

Potassium!

Always be true to yourself. Never listen to those who tell you what you can't do.

They told Beethoven he'd never make music because he was deaf.

But he didn't listen to them.

How does Darth Vader like his toast?

On the dark side

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Having unprotected sex is like having a 401(k)...

You have to know when to pull out

what is the difference between a taliban training camp and an afghan village?

„I don't know. I'm just flying the drone.“

The U.K. police are looking for a robbery suspect that looks like “Ross” from Friends.

No one ever told him life was gonna be this way.

K-N N-K

History Teacher:"Why are the Middle ages called the dark ages?"
John:"Because there were so many nights in them."

7/11 is good, but Circle K is

Just ok

How to kill worm in your stomach

Eat apples for 6 straight days and on the 7th day eat an orange instead , then the worm will come out of your stomach and ask " dude where's my apple???" then you take a baseball bat and beat him to death.

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It was the happiest day of my life.

Arrived at church.

wife waiting at altar.

Walked up the aisle.

Kissed her on the cheek,

smiled and closed the fucking lid.

What do star wars and the U.K. have in common?

They both abandoned the EU

H.o.m.e.w.o.r.k

Half of my energy wasted on random knowledge . :)

I bought my girlfriend a pink vibrator for valentines day.

She told me as long as she has me she won't need it. I told her "actually that's what I'm here to talk about"

What four letter word starts with F ends in K and if you can't get it you have to use your hands or fingers...?

A fork

How does North Korea have such great libraries?

They have a supreme reader

Obesity levels in the U.K. are rapidly declining.

They're dropping pounds fast

Why is K-pop the best genre of music?

It has Seoul.

What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?

"Firetruck"

There's a new Christian drug on the market called "SkyCake," a.k.a. "The Lord's Name"...

...which causes Angelic hallucinations during the high. Like cocaine, SkyCake \ The Lord's Name must primarily be snorted. However, SkyCake is so potent, that if injected directly into the user's veins, intravenously, it may cause immediate cardiac arrest.

Thus, there's a new saying on the ...

Crossword clue: F**k, used by Gordon Ramsay a lot more than the average person

Fork

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