We all know where the Big Apple is, but does anyone know where the...

Minneapolis

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If Chinese music is called C-pop, Korean music is called K-pop, and Japanese music is called J-pop, what do you call Drake's music?

Crap.

This one goes out to the Physicists

Genie: Alright, you’ve got one wish.

Me: I wish I had a hat.

Genîe: weîrd, but ok.

My girlfriend said that it wasn’t working out between us and that we should start seeing other people.

So I took her wheelchair. Just as I thought... She couldn’t stand to leave me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If a girl is uncomfortable watching you masturbate, do you think:

A. She is a prude and you have no future together.

B. You two should spend more time together so she can get used to that level of openness.

C. She should have sat somewhere else on the train?

Why is "Dark" spelled with a K, and not a C ?

Because you can’t C in the dark.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What starts with “f” and ends with “k”?

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her more precocious students. The teacher asked, “Harry, what exactly is your problem?”
Harry answered, “I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she! I think I should be in the 3rd gra...

If Queen Elizabeth accidentally farts during dinner, the other guests are supposed to pretend like nothing happened.

Noble gases should have no reaction.

How many people does it take to start a K-Pop band?

Just one korean and a really good stylist

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A jew is on his death bed...

As he breathes his last breath he calls for his wife,"Angella are you here." The wife replies sobbing " yes dear here i am." He then asks for his two sons. The wife now choking up replies "yes dear they are here too. By your side." The man coughs and gathers up breath to ask for his daughter. The wi...

You could say I'm B.R.O.K.E.

B - Bad

R - At

O - Acronyms

K -

E -

'K guys this one seems a bit fishy to mee

So, there's a fisher, who's catching fish in an area where fishing is prohibited. There even is a sign nearby that states that. Anyway, while he is fishing with his rod, a policeman comes by. He approaches the fisher: “Sir, excuse me but aren't you able to read? Can't you see the sign over there tha...

What's J. K. Rowling's favourite side of a triangle?

The Harrypotenuse

I was recently attacked at a K-pop concert.

I now have BTSD.

My cousins are like the letter K.

They are ok by themselves, but get horribly racist when three of them get together.

Did you know that only 75% of the world's population of German Shepherds are classified as K-9s?

The others are German, Shepherds.

In America some dogs are K-9

In China some dogs are E-10

I just joined a group called D.I.C.K.

It stands for International Center for Dyslexic Kids

What starts with an 'F' and ends with a 'k' and if you don't find it, you use your fingers.

A fork.

Blind man walks with his dog into a convenience store.

He lifts his dog by the leash and starts swinging it over his head.

Store manager runs over and ask "can I help you with anything!"

Blind man says "no thanks, I'm just looking around."

So I read J. K Rowlings announcments.

I finally understand how dumbledore got The title of headmaster.

what is the difference between a taliban training camp and an afghan village?

„I don't know. I'm just flying the drone.“

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New Scam - Long but worth the read.

Over the last few months I have become a victim of a clever 'Eastern European' scam while out shopping. Simply dropping into the local mall for a bit of shopping turned out to be quite an experience:

Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your friends. Here's how the scam...

Harry Potter Joke

Hagrid: "You're a unit of power, Harry."

Harry: "I'm a watt?"

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A Japanese businessman goes golfing while on a trip in America

When he returns to his co-workers in Japan, they ask him about his trip.

"In America, they have strange game. You hit little white ball over great green field. Try to get in tiny little hole."

"What is this game called?" his co-workers ask.

"I think it's called...."Oh Shit."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If you don't like the U.K's new upcoming porn laws.

Beat it, kid.

Recently found out my wife is sleeping with our best friend when I’m out of town.

Every other month I get home from a trip, the sheets are miraculously “just cleaned” every single time. Hardly coincidental.

She thinks I don’t notice the dog hair on the comforter, she never thought to wash that.

J.K. Rowling recently tweeted out that Hogwarts actually has a full gym for wizards to exercise and lift weights

The entrance is called the Dumbbell Door

Always be true to yourself. Never listen to those who tell you what you can't do.

They told Beethoven he'd never make music because he was deaf.

But he didn't listen to them.

What does Theresa May think U.K. stands for?

Not much

Vicar: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T man and wife V W X Y Z

Groom: Why did you say that?

Vicar: Because I now pronounce u 'man and wife'

Why is dark spelt with a 'k' and not a 'c'?

Because you can't 'c' in the dark

Why don’t we pronounce k in knowledge

We haven’t acknowledged it yet

I’ll walk myself out

I'm not allowed to dress up as a superhero and visit the children's hospital anymore.

And I put so much work into my Thanos costume.

A blonde tried to sell her old car.

A blonde tried to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems selling it because the car had 250,000 miles on it.
One day she mentioned her problem to a brunette she worked with at a salon. The brunette told her, "There is a way to make your car easier to sell, but it's not legal."
...

How to kill worm in your stomach

Eat apples for 6 straight days and on the 7th day eat an orange instead , then the worm will come out of your stomach and ask " dude where's my apple???" then you take a baseball bat and beat him to death.

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It was the happiest day of my life.

Arrived at church.

wife waiting at altar.

Walked up the aisle.

Kissed her on the cheek,

smiled and closed the fucking lid.

No matter how kind you are...

No matter how kind you are, German kids are kinder.

Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15˚C...

and still be 0K?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Patient: I keep having flashbacks to that one K-Pop concert.

Therapist: I see, I diagnose you with BTSD.

Why did HD TV jump from 2K straight to 4k?

Because 3k was considered too racist.

How does North Korea have such great libraries?

They have a supreme reader

If Korean pop is K-pop

Then Korean Rap is KRAP.

My Southern friends are like "K"s

they're alright when they are by themselves, but get 3 of 'em together and it gets pretty racist

I bought my girlfriend a pink vibrator for valentines day.

She told me as long as she has me she won't need it. I told her "actually that's what I'm here to talk about"

If North Korea ever made propaganda rap, it would be K-RAP

The name is self-explanatory

What starts with an F, end with a K, and has U and C in the middle

Wait no it doesn't

What is the only word spelled with a single K?

Potassium!

What kind of boat doesn’t let you be nude or swear?

A censorship

The U.K. police are looking for a robbery suspect that looks like “Ross” from Friends.

No one ever told him life was gonna be this way.

Where Are O.K. Things Made?

The Satisfactory

A Mexican man who spoke no English went into a department store

A Mexican man who spoke no English went into a department store to buy socks. He found his way to the menswear department where a young lady offered to help him.

"Quiero calcetines," said the man.

"I don't speak Spanish, but we have some very nice suits over here," said the salesgirl.<...

Spelling bee

A Nebraska Huskers fan was in the finals of the state spelling bee.


"Okay, your word is 'farm,'" the moderator said to the Husker.


He sat there for a few minutes with a puzzled look on his face. "Um... Can I have a definition?"


"Sure," the moderator said. "It is a...

What’s the one thing in common with centrifugal force and Kim K’s ass?

Both are fake.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There are 2 types of r/Jokes members

ones who steal jokes, and dirty fucking liars

A robot man walks into a robot restaurant.

A robot waiter approaches and asks him for his robot order.
The robot man orders a robot steak.
The robot waiter asks him how he wants his robot steak prepared.
The robot man replies, "Weld on".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Having unprotected sex is like having a 401(k)...

You have to know when to pull out

0 K, man.

What an absolute unit.

I heard they don't have any Walmart or K-marts in Syria.

Only Targets.

A B C D E F G, H I J K

LMNT of surprise!

"What do you do in your free time? " "I stalk. "

"Really? I go swimming and for long hikes"

"I know.".

What kind of cereal does Ronda Rousey eat?

Kix

Job Interview

"It says in your CV that you are quick at mathematics. What is 17x19?"

"36"

"That's not even close!"

"But it was quick!"

K-N N-K

History Teacher:"Why are the Middle ages called the dark ages?"
John:"Because there were so many nights in them."

I want to make a joke about sodium

But Na

i wrote a book about foreskin

But it got pulled back

today, i learned that "Donald Trump" is an anagram of "Tan Dump Lord"

...it's like his parents knew all along

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Catholic, a Jew, and a Buddhist are on a plane when suddenly the engine brakes down

There are no parachutes on the plane, so the men must rely on their faith to save them from death.

The Catholic says a prayer, jumps off the plane and survives the fall, but dies later in a hospital.

The Jew says a prayer jumps off the plane, and survives the fall, but injures his spin...

Got anything smaller?

I was at the store today and handed the clerk a $20 bill.

He handed it back and asked if I had anything smaller.

So I folded the $20 bill in half and handed it back to him.

I woke up hungover to the sound of my neighbour mowing his lawn.

He will just have to mow around me because I'm not moving..

Weinstein, C.K., Lauer...

I think this "Dicks out for Harambe" thing is getting out of hand.

7/11 is good, but Circle K is

Just ok

Voting is just like driving.

To go forward, choose D.

To go backwards, choose R.

What has a bunch of K's and is hated?

Kim Kylie Khloe Kendall kourtney kris Kanye

Which word begins with an "F" - and ends with "U-C-K?"

Firetruck.

Did you hear that Dollar Tree is opening a store in the U.K?

They're naming it pound town.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is Louis C.K's Favorite Movie?

Free Willy.

Someone once asked me if everyone in the U.K. Knows the lyrics to Wonderwall

I said mayybeee

I was just reading about a guy who was arrested for a hate crime in the U.K. for suggesting that people with fare skin complexions are responsible for the degeneration of society.

That's a little beyond the pale.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Happy Ducks (NSWF)

Three ducks walk into a bar and order 3 beers. When the 1st duck gets his beer he tells the bartender, "Thanks man, my name is Huey." The bartender says "Nice to meet you Huey! How's your day been?" Huey replies "Man! I have had the best day ever... I have been in and out of puddles all day long. Co...

How do you sink a French battleship?

Put it in water.

What's the difference between a paycheck and a D**k?

You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck.

I was heading for the bowl of juice at the party last night. Before I could grab the ladel, another guy walked in front of me and took the last of the juice before I could get any...

...He beat me to the punch.

So, I accidentally sent a picture of my d&#k to everyone in my address book today

Not only was it really embarrassing, it cost me a fortune in stamps.

Russia, U. K. and U.S.A. just signed a monetary agreement.

A pound of rubles will cost a dollar.

Why are people from Arkansas so good at Science?

Because they use the Theory of Relativity to find a partner.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Breaking News: Louis C.K. makes first published statement regarding the recent alligations of sexual misconduct.

"I'm Gay."

I signed up for my company's 401(k)

but I don't think I can run that far.

I hope one day they invent a car named "The S-Car"

Because everyone will see it and say, "Look at that S-Car go!"

I American ., dogs are K 9.

In Korea dogs are E 10.

How do you get fifty old women to say f**k?

Shout "Bingo!"

What is a good measure of how likely a girl is to let you f**k her in the ass?

Rule of thumb

I slept with a pair of anorexic chicks from the U.K. once.

Two birds, one stone.

H.o.m.e.w.o.r.k

Half of my energy wasted on random knowledge

Well with all the celebrities in the news these days at least Louis C K...

Was up and coming.

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