I changed the tags of my mother’s herb jars. She hasn’t notice it yet..

But the thyme is cumin

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My grandpa loves jokes and over quarantine he sent us an extensive list of jokes. He called these ones groaners. Please enjoy. ( NSFW warning I don’t know how to tag it)

I lived in a houseboat for a while and started seeing the girl next door. Eventually, we drifted apart.



My boyfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of his Honda Civic. I refused. If I’m going to have sex, it is going to be on my own Accord.



A man tried to sell ...

Why NFSW tag still a thing??

Like any of us still have a job.

What's the worst part about playing tag with a clown?

When the clown is it.

Funny how things are still tagged NSFW

As if any of us still have jobs

Update: stop bragging about being employed, it's lowering morale /s

How do you lure a pervert? (NSFW)

Just add the NSFW tag.

I went to the bee keepers to buy some bees. All the bees had price tags on them except one.

It was a freebie

What's the best way to get a perverts attention?

Put an nsfw tag on your post.

A frog walks into a bank

A frog walks into a bank looking to get a loan, and goes up to the teller and sees her little name tag, wich reads "Patricia wack" then the frog says "my name's Kermit jagger, son of mick jagger, and I'm looking for a loan of $30,000"

And the teller says "Wow, that's a lot, do you have anyth...

The peanuts are running around the yard playing tag...

The peanut that is It keeps yelling, “I’m gonna cashew!”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Some people on this sub come up with crappy jokes and rely on the NSFW tag to make people curious...

I'm tired of clicking only to find that it's hardly even a fucking joke

I saw a guy wearing a T-shirt with the tag "Life = God + Righteousness"

I hope he understands that it also means; "God = Life - Righteousness" and "Righteousness = Life - God".

Husband - My wife is missing. She went out yesterday and has not come home...

*Police Sergeant*:
What is her height?

*Husband*:
Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.

*Sergeant*:
Colour of eyes?

*Husband*:
Sort of brown I think. Never really noticed.

*Sergeant*:
Colour of hair?

*Husband*:
Changes a couple times a ...

What did one loaf of German bread say to the other?

Gluten tag!

A middle aged bachelor has an obsession with tractors.

His entire house is decorated with them. He has tractor wallpaper, tractor memorabilia, many many model tractors, pictures of tractors, tractor bed sheets, even his car looks like a tractor (not a real tractor due to legal reasons).

As it is, his obsession with tractors had left him awkward, ...

Three sisters decided to get married on the same day to save their parents the expense of separate weddings.

As a further step to reduce the price tag, the three sisters resolved to spend their honeymoon night at home. Later that night, their mother couldn’t sleep, so she went to the kitchen for a cup of tea. On her way, she tiptoed by her oldest daughter’s bedroom and heard her screaming. The mother thou...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The guy decides that maybe he'd like to have a pet and goes to a pet shop. After looking around, he spots a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs.

The guy says out loud, "Geez, I wonder what happened to this parrot?"

"I was born this way," says the parrot. "I'm a defective parrot."

"Ha, ha," the guy laughs. "It sounded like this parrot actually understood what I said and answered me!"

"I understood every word," says the pa...

I got banned from laser tag today.

Apparently they frown on using a knife to save ammo.

Scientists were studying rams

They had three rams in their lab. Each ram had a leather collar, and attached to each collar was a tag identifying them as A, B and C.

One of the researchers brought a large gourd from the supply closet and placed it on the head of Ram A. Nothing happened. After five minutes he removed the g...

a wise man once said

"you wouldn't have clicked if it wasn't for the NSFW tag."

What’s the difference between a dog and a marine biologist?

One wags a tail and the other tags a whale.

A man is on his deathbed with his son next to him

He strains his muscles to get up and place a hand on his son's shoulder. He clears his throat and looks his son straight in the eyes.

"Tag you're it" He says

Then he dies

Three men arrive at the pearly gates of heaven (NSFW, LONG, I don’t know how to do the tag things)

St John comes out and says to the men, “Heaven has become too full, as such we’re only taking in people who had tragic deaths.” He turns to the first man and says, “How did you die then?”
“Well I knew my wife was having an affair,” the fist man begins, “and I came home to find her lying naked on ...

If you have any doubt whether your reader will understand an abbreviation, write the term out in full.

Otherwise, he will be left in the position of the farmer who shot a crow, then noticed the tag on its leg: ``Wash. Biol. Surv.''

The next day he was talking with his neighbor about the last night's dinner: ``I followed the directions, washed it, boiled it, and put it on the table. Damn crow ...

Why do witches wear name tags?

So they know which witch is which!

(I used to say this all the time when I was younger)

Wash. Biol. Surv.

A biological survey team based in Washington State University were studying the migratory habits of crows, so they caught a number of the birds in several states, tagged them with a metal tag marked WASH. BIOL. SURV. along with a box number and serial number, and released them.

After a while ...

Never purchase jewelry based off of a photograph

It makes you look 2D pendant

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The glass jar

A guy walks into a bar and sees a huge jar filled with money on the counter, he glances at it curiously but doesn't think much else of it, about two beers later he asks the bartender about it. The bartender tells him it's a simple game, you pay $50 to play and then you complete 3 tasks, the man gawk...

The Germans have developed a talking bread, but it only uses informal greetings such as "tag" or "morgen".

It's guten-free bread.

Jesus, the flair-tagging system in this sub is weird.

See?

My dad likes to play tag.

I'm "it" and haven't been able to find him to tag him for 17 years.

He's an awesome guy and I admire his commitment.

*WARNING* SPOILER tag is SERIOUS!

Milk and eggs go bad quickly.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young sheep, out to pasture, is suddenly cornered by a farmer and tied up.

The young sheep faints of fright, and when he awakens immediately runs back to his flock.

Bleating wildly, he exclaims “how could the farmer do this to me!”

A wise elder sheep says, “calm down, son. What happened?”

The young sheep, still hysterical, cries “i was the most beau...

A frog walks into a bank...

So, one day a frog walked into a bank. He hopped on over to a teller and quickly eyed her name tag: Patricia Waak.

Frog: Good morning, Miss Waak. Such a lovely day outside, isn't it?

*teller just stares at him, because, well, he's a FROG.*

Teller: Uh, yes. Yes it is. How can I h...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

90% of the Front Page should be tagged as "NSFW"

I mean, with all these assholes showing up...

A man was driving a sports car

He had just bought it and suddenly he ran out of gas. So he walked to the nearest house and asked the owner if he could have some gas. The owner said yes and after he had the tank full he said ‘it’s getting late I have an extra room if you want to spend the night’. The man was uneasy but accepted be...

The Three Babies

An Englishman, Welshman and a Jamaican are in hospital waiting for their wives to give birth.
After much pacing up and down, the nurse emerges from the maternity ward and announces that each are the father to a bouncing baby boy.
“Unfortunately there’s just one small problem” she adds.
“Be...

When I was a kid my younger cousin always cheated at freeze tag,

So I wasn't surprised when I heard he got shot by the cops

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I agree that there should be different NSFW tags for violent and sexual content

Nothing changes my mood more than seeing naked people while I'm trying to enjoy horrible gore.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dear TAG heuer ..

I’m pretty sure that if I end up 500 meters under water, I won’t need a fuckin’ watch anymore.

Just moved to Germany from America and I’m really offended by people disrespecting my celiac disease. Everywhere I go people are playing this weird game:

Gluten tag

The key to winning freeze tag?

Sliding tackles.

In Sims 3, what's the difference between Sims playing tag and sims playing hide & seek?

Eh, Sim antics

What did the blonde customer say after reading the buxom waitress's name tag?

A: "What did you name the other one?"

Why does Pennywise hate playing tag?

Because he's always IT.

I was at a lingerie store and they were advertising an old fashioned-looking nighty with the tag line "Just like mother used to wear"...

It's called a Freudian Slip.

So now I’m banned from going to the laser tag fun center

They said I’m not allowed to use melee attacks

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bob and his wife.

Bob and his wife have been married for 2 years and bob has forgotten their anniversary both times.

Well after another year comes by bob forgets again. Bob’s wife is pissed off and threatened to get a divorce.

Wife- “Bob if there isn’t a present in that drive way that goes from 0 to 2...

I got a new tag on my car

On the front of my car, there's a license plate that says "Dodge."

That's not the manufacturer, it's a suggestion.

Last year, the kids at the beach were all using hashtags in their photos...

This year, they will be using toe tags...

I decided to switch to a knife to preserve my ammo.

The guys at Laser Tag started freaking out though.

My friend JB had to get a name tag...

See JB's name was JB. It didn't stand for anything. No, sir. It was simply JB. So he wrote on the application J only B only to ensure there was no mistake.

His name tag came back Jonly Bonly

I asked my local store why they don't round the 99 cent price tags to a dollar

They said that there's no cents in the change

Do you know why Wholefoods isn't expanding to Germany?

Gluten tag!

(This is my first joke)

The other day my dad ran away from me

I had a great time playing tag though.

What did Mike Tyson say to the drug addicts who were playing tag in his front yard?

Quit mething around.

First day on the job.

A young man was starting his first job as a bellhop. Keen to make a good impression he asked the supervisor for any tips. Be polite and address the customer by their name was the response. How do I know their names? the boy asked. Check the name tag on their luggage replied the supervisor.
<...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm always intimidated when I notice the bathroom stall I'm in is tagged by a gang.

Scares the shit out of me

A kid playing tag runs up to Tim Curry and says...

you're IT

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a sandwich with Hitler in the middle?

Gluten tag.

My girlfriend and I went to a restaurant and our German friend tagged along with us. I get the impression he eats a lot of calves.

There wasn't any meat on the menu, but he kept saying he felt like a third veal.

I'm writing a musical about a rag-tag team of Breitbart columnists standing up to the mainstream media elites.

It's called Fake Newsies.

Air Hostess with a tag.

Air Hostess had name tag on her chest, naming her Mia.

Guy: Beautiful name.

Air hostess: Thanks.

Guy: Didn't you name the other one?

Humans advanced to the point of space domination and could create clones of themselves.

Two friends, Dill and Jeuk decided to play space tag. Dill was 'it'.

Jeuk had a clever trick up his sleeve. He created 50 clones of himself and hid them in the galaxy, while he himself hid in a cluster of comets.

After a lot of looking, Dill found the first clone in a nearby star syste...

[META] Spoiler Tags?

I love a good joke, but I'm a sucker for skipping ahead. Like, my eyes just skip to the last line for no reason.
I read the punchline, and I didn't get any chuckles at all.

Does anyone else do this? If it's not just me, do we want start spoiler tagging the punchlines? Or does this cause tr...

What do you call a game where Germans throw bread at each other

Gluten tag

A lot of people call # a Hashtag but back in my day it was the pound sign

which makes the movement #MeToo a bit awkward

A man and his wife are visiting Russia.

They’re taking a stroll through what’s widely known as a socialist part of town, when it starts to drizzle.

The wife turns and says to her husband, and says, “Let’s go back to the hotel. It’s raining.”

The man scoffs. “It’s not raining,” he says, “this is nothing.”

The wife dis...

Could we get length/content tags, To better find certain kinds of joke?

When I don't have a lot of time because I'm just on reddit during my break it would be cool to look up short one liner type joke. Some time I'm looking for longer jokes. I feel like this could benifit the sub alot.

German celiacs have one day a year where they eat whatever they want without worrying about the consequences.

This is known as the Gluten Tag.

My friend told me, "of all of our friends, man, you're the one, you're it." I was touched.

We were playing tag.

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