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Tag Jokes

Funny how things are still tagged NSFW

As if any of us still have jobs

Update: stop bragging about being employed, it's lowering morale /s

I'm surprised that so many jokes here are tagged NSFW.

As if any of you had a job.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Reddit should add separate NSFW tags for gore and porn

I'm so tired of my boners being ruined by these hot ladies.

What did the bird say to the price tag?

Cheep!

(As told to me this morning by my 7 year old son. He was quite proud of the joke.)

I changed the tags of my mother’s herb jars. She hasn’t notice it yet..

But the thyme is cumin

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My grandpa loves jokes and over quarantine he sent us an extensive list of jokes. He called these ones groaners. Please enjoy. ( NSFW warning I don’t know how to tag it)

I lived in a houseboat for a while and started seeing the girl next door. Eventually, we drifted apart.



My boyfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of his Honda Civic. I refused. If I’m going to have sex, it is going to be on my own Accord.



A man tried to sell ...

What is the point of the "Spoiler" tag in this sub?

I mean, unless you leave out the punchline, every joke ends in a spoiler, right? (Serious question, SORRY.)

Why NFSW tag still a thing??

Like any of us still have a job.

(NSFW) How do you lure a pervert?

Just add the NSFW tag.

TIL in germany when someone is diagnosed with coeliac disease other coeliacs will chase and try and hit them with bread to make them feel welcomed.

It's called gluten tag.

(Tagged NSFW to be on the safe side)This penguin is out in a road trip.

You know, just seein’ the sights, being a tourist.

He gets out on the freeway and really opens ‘er up tearing siwn the road.

Suddenly, his car gives a pop, and smoke starts billowing out of his hood.

Cripes, he thinks, and he pulls off the freeway and slowly works his way to a m...

I got banned from laser tag today.

Apparently they frown on using a knife to save ammo.

I saw a guy wearing a T-shirt with the tag "Life = God + Righteousness"

I hope he understands that it also means; "God = Life - Righteousness" and "Righteousness = Life - God".

What do you get when you cross a church with a laser tag arena?

Pew! Pew! Pew!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dad, a girl invited me over to her house (nswf) [i could not find the option to tag nsfw, someone please from mod team put nswf tag.]

"Oh that is great, Billy. But you should be careful, you are young and an STD or unwanted pregnancy is going to be devastating. Please, remember to wear a condom if the situation arises... Actually, no. I don't trust you, son. Put it on right now, because at the heat of the moment you will forget."<...

Why do witches wear name tags?

So they know which witch is which!

(I used to say this all the time when I was younger)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy walks into a bar and says. "Give me 10 shots of tequila, line 'em up!"

The bartender does and the guy proceeds to slam the 10 shots down at machine gun pace. The bartender says, "Damn man, what's all this for?"

The guys says, "My first blowjob." The bartender says, "Well shit dude, that's something to celebrate, have another on the house!" The guy says, "No than...

What's the worst part about playing tag with a clown?

When the clown is it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Lock & Stock were a famous pro wrestling tag team. They had a long, successful career, won many titles, had a wonderful retirement match and were inducted into the Hall of Fame of every company they wrestled in.

One day, chilling on the porch and reflecting on the many blessings of their career, Lock asked Stock "You know, I've always wondered; is there pro wrestling in heaven?"

"I've always wondered that myself," Stock replied.

So the two agreed, "Whichever of us gets there first needs to fin...

I went to the bee keepers to buy some bees. All the bees had price tags on them except one.

It was a freebie

Have you ever noticed the tags that you can use when posting on r/Jokes?

For some reason, people can't use the OC tag in their posts.

What's the best way to get a perverts attention?

Put an nsfw tag on your post.

Three men arrive at the pearly gates of heaven (NSFW, LONG, I don’t know how to do the tag things)

St John comes out and says to the men, “Heaven has become too full, as such we’re only taking in people who had tragic deaths.” He turns to the first man and says, “How did you die then?”
“Well I knew my wife was having an affair,” the fist man begins, “and I came home to find her lying naked on ...

My name is Eaton, and my coworker and I were talking about name tags,

I keep an abundance of mine attached via magnet to my desk so I never forget to have one.

She lost the backing to her name tag somewhere around her desk.

I let her know that I have a bunch extra so if she needed one just take one.

She asks, "So, I can be Eaton today then?"
...

The peanuts are running around the yard playing tag...

The peanut that is It keeps yelling, “I’m gonna cashew!”

When I was a kid my younger cousin always cheated at freeze tag,

So I wasn't surprised when I heard he got shot by the cops

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dear TAG heuer ..

I’m pretty sure that if I end up 500 meters under water, I won’t need a fuckin’ watch anymore.

*WARNING* SPOILER tag is SERIOUS!

Milk and eggs go bad quickly.

Why does Pennywise hate playing tag?

Because he's always IT.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

90% of the Front Page should be tagged as "NSFW"

I mean, with all these assholes showing up...

The key to winning freeze tag?

Sliding tackles.

I got a new tag on my car

On the front of my car, there's a license plate that says "Dodge."

That's not the manufacturer, it's a suggestion.

Condom tag line

In London, a condom dispensing machine had these words inscribed : "Our products are safe! Strictly made as per High British standards".

Someone added below - "So was the Titanic, but it leaked."

A man enters a pet shop

He spots a parrot with a higher than normal price tag.

"Why is this bird so expensive?" he asked the shop owner

"Oh well, it's a very special parrot you see" the owner replied "if you lift its right leg, it will sing a you hymn. And if you lift its left leg, it will recite a psalm"
...

Air Hostess with a tag.

Air Hostess had name tag on her chest, naming her Mia.

Guy: Beautiful name.

Air hostess: Thanks.

Guy: Didn't you name the other one?

My dad likes to play tag.

I'm "it" and haven't been able to find him to tag him for 17 years.

He's an awesome guy and I admire his commitment.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man and his wife are driving down the road when a cop pulls them over.

The cop says to the man:

\- Do you know that you were speeding, sir?
\- No officer, I didn't know I was speeding...

The wife then says:

\- Come on, Henry, you knew you were speeding, I've been telling you to slow down for miles.

The man shoots a dark look at his wife...

My friend JB had to get a name tag...

See JB's name was JB. It didn't stand for anything. No, sir. It was simply JB. So he wrote on the application J only B only to ensure there was no mistake.

His name tag came back Jonly Bonly

A life-long atheist dies and is surprised to find himself before the Pearly Gates. St. Peter sadly shakes his head and tells him that because of his non-belief, he must be sent to Hell. The Devil greets him there and shows him where he will now spend eternity,

a lovely cozy cottage set on a beautiful hillside where the sweet smell of flowers fills the air. The Devil tells him he will want for nothing and to feel free to walk the grounds. One day, while he is out strolling through the idyllic gardens, he comes across a tall wall. Curious, he climbs one of ...

What do you call a game where Germans throw bread at each other

Gluten tag

I don't have tags for my dog, but I bought her a phone in case she got lost. She ran away today.

I really should collar.


Also, Lost: Seeing Eye Dog

Last Seen: Never

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I agree that there should be different NSFW tags for violent and sexual content

Nothing changes my mood more than seeing naked people while I'm trying to enjoy horrible gore.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Some people on this sub come up with crappy jokes and rely on the NSFW tag to make people curious...

I'm tired of clicking only to find that it's hardly even a fucking joke

What did the blonde customer say after reading the buxom waitress's name tag?

A: "What did you name the other one?"

So now I’m banned from going to the laser tag fun center

They said I’m not allowed to use melee attacks

A kid playing tag runs up to Tim Curry and says...

you're IT

How many germans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One.
We are very effective and don´t have a great sense of humor.

Guten Tag!

My girlfriend and I went to a restaurant and our German friend tagged along with us. I get the impression he eats a lot of calves.

There wasn't any meat on the menu, but he kept saying he felt like a third veal.

A cop pulls over an old couple…

Asks for license and registration and asks do you know how fast you were going sir?

- husband: “gee officer Im not sure”
- wife: 85 mph officer, he passed several signs before you pulled him over”
The husband then looks the wife with the corner of his eye obviously upset

The poli...

A man from Florida is on vacation in France and looking for a souvenir

He decides to buy a shirt that he can show off when he golfs with his buddies back home, so he finds a golf store.

To his surprise, he finds a golf shirt with a picture of a gator on it! There's gator merchandise from France?? What a perfect shirt!

He checks the tag and it's 100 €! Inc...

A frog walks into a bank

... and approaches the teller. He can see from her name tag that her name is Patricia Whack. So he says, "Ms. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation."

Patti stares at the talking frog in disbelief but recovers herself quickly and asks him how much he wants to bo...

The Germans have developed a talking bread, but it only uses informal greetings such as "tag" or "morgen".

It's guten-free bread.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Disabled legless Parrot. With a bargain.

A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud, "Jeesh. I wonder what happened to this Parrot?"

The parrot says, "I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot."

"Holy shit," the guy replies. "You actually...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Paratrooper's First Jump NSFW

A young man joined the army and signed up with the paratroopers. He went through the standard training, completed the practice jumps from higher and higher structures, and finally went to take his first jump from an airplane. The next day, he phoned his father to tell him the news.

"So, did ...

A frog walks into a bank

A frog walks into a bank, and approaches the teller. He sees the tellers name tag read Paddy Black and says

"I'd like to take out a loan, Mrs. Black"

"Certainly," says the teller, "how much would that be for?"

"One million dollars." replies the frog. "Don't worry, it's ok, I kn...

What did one German wheat farmer say to the other German wheat farmer?

Gluten tag

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A boy was walking home from school when he passed by a stray cat.

The cat was trying to drink water that had spilt on the tarmac near it. The boy saw that the tarmac was dirty, and was worried that the cat would get sick if it kept drinking the water. He started to slowly walk towards the cat while taking out his water bottle from his school bag. Once he got close...

When German children play a game involving touching each other with bread...

it's called gluten tag.


I'll show myself out.

A stranger rides into a Wild West town and finds it deserted.

All except the saloon, so when he's hitched his hoss to the rail he goes in, orders a beer, and says to the barkeep "Say, where is everyone?"

"They've all gone to hang the Brown Paper Kid," says the barkeep.

" 'Brown Paper Kid' ain't no kinda name for a man," says the newcomer. "What d...

A rabbit goes for a run through the forest

As he’s running a cones across a possum about to light up a joint. The rabbit says, “Oh no! Mr. Possum! Don’t do that! It’s so bad for you. Come running with me and stay healthy!” The possum looks at his joint and decides they the rabbit is right and he needs to get healthy. So off they go for a run...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do you catch a horny redditor ?

You tag a post as nsfw on r/Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So a frog walks into a bank.

So a frog walks into a bank and he goes to the front desk. He looks at the person at the front desk’s name tag, its says “Mrs. Patty Whack”

“Can I help you” she says.

“Yes I would like a loan” said the frog.

“A loan? What does a frog need a loan for “

“I would like to...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How to say "hi" in other countries

France has "bonjour."

Japan has "konichiwa."

Germany has "guten tag."

England has "fuck off, yank."

China has "nihao."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Priest takes a walk down to the docks one day

and runs into a fisherman that attends his church. Upon hearing that the priest has a few hours off the fisherman invites him out to sea to fish with him.

Out at sea it doesn't take long for the fisherman to realize that the priest has no idea how to fish, so he gives him some quick instructi...

Three surgeons were discussing their patients.

The first surgeon says, 'I like operating on electricians, you open them up and everything is colour coded and tagged and easy to trace'

The second surgeon says 'I enjoy opening librarians. Everything is catalogued and in order, so really easy to find things'

The third surgeon says 'I ...

I painted my computer black so it would run faster

Now it doesn't work.

How many capitalists are needed to change a lightbulb?

None. Capitalists are not _needed_ for anything. They just tagged along to ask for lighting subsidies

What did the German celiac patient say when he walked into the doctors office?

Gluten tag!

The 'sandwich artist' turned my toppings into bottoms

Fitting, for a sub.




*precautionary NSFW tag; idk, I dont post much

What part of Popeye never rusts?

The part that he sticks in Olive Oyl.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the hardest part about having sex with a clown?

Cleaning the grease paint off your back

Please tag this nsfw I forgot how to.

What do you call four famished frogs fighting for five frightened flies?

A *Tongue Twister*

~~Edit: How to change tags? Did not tag when posting this; why is it automatically tagged 'Religion'?~~

Edit 2: Thank you u/ElderCunningham for fixing the tag for me. Thank you u/mountorange and u/vphov1 for getting in before that change and letting me know about the...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do you know when a person is horny? (NSFW)

Even if its a repost,he checks into the post just because it is tagged NSFW

A Missed GPS Opportunity

I think Tag Team really missed out on a pivotal GPS tie-in. Instead of “You have reached your destination” we could have had “Whoomp. There it is!”

New California law makes theft under $950 a misdemeanor.

There's this new law in CA that makes theft under $950 a misdemeanor. People are stealing less than $950 worth of stuff with little to no consequences. It's getting so bad, when I went to buy a Snickers bar, the price tag said $951 dollars.

Baby Confusion

An English, a Pakistani, and an Irish couple all simultaneously arrive at a hospital, all of the wives in the couple going into labour at approximately the same time. All of the babies were delivered healthily after fairly routine births but unfortunately, after placing the babies in their cradles, ...

a wise man once said

"you wouldn't have clicked if it wasn't for the NSFW tag."

The Three Babies

An Englishman, Welshman and a Jamaican are in hospital waiting for their wives to give birth.
After much pacing up and down, the nurse emerges from the maternity ward and announces that each are the father to a bouncing baby boy.
“Unfortunately there’s just one small problem” she adds.
“Be...

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