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A Wife took a DNA test for her kid

After 10 years, the wife starts to think their kid looks strange so she decides to do a DNA test.

She finds out that the kid is actually from completely different parents.

Wife: Honey, I have something very serious to tell you.

Husband: What's up?

Wife: According to DNA t...

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A single sperm contains 37.5mb of DNA information which means that a normal ejaculation represents a data transfer of 1587.5 tb

That's a lot of information to swallow

Frog DNA...

A frog got his DNA test back.
He's part Scottish, part Irish and a tad Pole.

I couldn't afford an Ancestry DNA kit...

So I just announced that I had won the lottery. I soon found out to all my relatives are.

what do you get when you mix goat DNA with human DNA?

Kicked out of the zoo

Son: "Dad, did you get your DNA test results back?"

Dad: "Call me George."

What did the DNA say to the other DNA?

Do these genes make me look fat?

What do you get when you combine human DNA with seal DNA?

You get banned from SeaWorld.

Do you know what DNA stands for ?

The National Dyslexic Association

Scientists have conducted blood tests on a frog to extract DNA and confirm its identity.

They have discovered that the frog was:-
30% Russian
30% French
20% Italian
10% Spanish
5% British
4% Dutch
And a tad Pole...!

Doctor: “Sir, I have some bad news, I’m afraid your DNA is backwards”

Me: “and?”

“Mom I think I’m adopted!”

Mom: No you’re not Nathan! Why would you say such a thing!?

Nathan: Well, I’ve just got the results back from a DNA test that I did and it says I’ve got no living relatives?!

Mom: This is nonsense, let’s show this to your dad…

Dad *walks in*: Well of course he’s not our son, don...

Went to the doctor and they tested my DNA. He told me that my DNA is backwards!

I said, “AND?”

I made a DNA joke in my biology class but no one laughed.

Guess my thymine was off.

Why did the DNA chain blush?

It was part of his genetic makeup.

CBS was looking to start up a new show "CSI: Mississippi"

But they couldn't, because there's no dental records and everyone has the same DNA.

What do you get if you mix human DNA and whale DNA?

Banned from Seaworld



Cake day so time to Karma Farm, and I can't see this joke posted

Humans share 70% of our DNA with zebrafish

So if you're having difficulty getting something done, it's probably because a zebrafish is using the DNA.

Why wife just had her myheritage DNA test back

Turns out she is a Karen...

She is on the phone with the company to complain about the results.

What do you get when you combine human DNA with whale DNA?

Kicked out of Sea World, apparently.



Yes, I know it's a repost. But I love this joke.

If you find $60-80 to be too expensive for ancestry DNA kits, I have a cheap alternative...

Announce that you won the lottery and you'll quickly find relatives you never knew you had!

"I have good news and bad news," a defense attorney told his client....

First the bad news:

The blood test came back, and your DNA is an exact match with that found at the crime scene."

Oh, no!" cried the client. "What's the good news?"

"Your cholesterol is down to 140."

Beware of DNA tests!

In England, young Robert Keystone Townsend II, was given a DNA test from a friend for his birthday, which revealed a terrible family secret: His father was not his actual father, but still related somehow. When confronted with the question of why this horrible truth was hidden from him for so long, ...

A frog went for a DNA test...

The results came back 99.9% amphibian and a tad Polish.

Why are Red Neck murder cases so Hard to Solve?

Because everyone has the same DNA and there are no Dental Records.

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I hear NASA wants to put the DNA of 6.7 million species on the Moon.

That's a pretty big cum shot if you ask me.

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One ejaculation contains over 15000 gigs of DNA. So what does that make pornstars?

Fucking genuises

I told my Biology lab partner to let me be her DNA helicase...

So I can unzip those genes.

We did a DNA test on our bullfrog from Arkansas…

Surprisingly, it was about 80% French, 15% German, and a tad Pole…

I used a sample of my DNA to create a clone, with whom I now cohabit. People often ask me whether I think it's unethical.

I tell them I can live with myself.

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Sherlock Holmes is searching for a criminal.

The criminal assaulted several people, then spent the night at a hotel. He and Watson spent several hours searching the room top and bottom for DNA evidence left behind by the staff. Then, Watson had an idea.
The idea was to look in the room’s sewage, for urine, waste, and dead skin cells. They a...

My DNA results came back 39% German, 27% Irish, 19% Beagle and 15% Pug.

Turns out my dog licked my sample.

A lettuce farm was busted by the FDA on suspicion of combining plant and human DNA to create a new protein hybrid.

When they dug up the grounds the found human romaines.

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In case of any apocalyptic scenarios, scientists want to store the DNA of millions of species of animals and plants in lava tubes of the moon

The DNA of any illicit substances will be kept in Uranus

Scientists modified bears DNA to make them more humanlike.

... unfortunately the result was unbearable

Which came first, the chicken or the egg?



Neither. **The rooster came, and got the hen laid in the process.**



*(Biologist's answer: At some point a distant relative of the chicken laid an egg, and the mutations expressed in the chick's DNA would have it hatch as the first modern chicken - so the egg had to come first ...

Am I adopted?

Fred came home from University in tears.

"Mum, am I adopted?"

"No of course not", replied his mother. Why would you think such a thing?

Fred showed her his genealogy DNA test results. No match for any of his relatives, and strong matches for a family who lived the other side of ...

I just took a DNA test, turns out, I'm 100%

going to jail for shoplifting.

DNA editing was invented by Gene Hackman

Does it work if the whole joke is in the title?

What do diarrhea and DNA have in common?

They both run in your jeans.

I once seduced a woman by telling her I'd sequence her DNA

but I stopped at first base when she told me what I'd find in her genes

Baby, I wish I were DNA helicase...

...so I could unzip your genes.

My friends job involves cloning the DNA of trains.

But I just call him a genetic engineer.

I took a DNA test

Turns out, I am 70% water and 2% milk

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Trump looks out on the snow covered White House Lawn, and notices that someone has pissed “Trump Sucks” in the fresh snow.

Furious, he demands the Secret Service investigate. A few days later, the head of the SS says “Mr President, I’ve got good news and bad news. The good news is we’ve done a dna test on the urine, and found the culprit. It turns out it’s Mike Pence’s.” “That traitor”, shouts Trump. “I’ll have him hang...

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