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A Wife took a DNA test for her kid

After 10 years, the wife starts to think their kid looks strange so she decides to do a DNA test.

She finds out that the kid is actually from completely different parents.

Wife: Honey, I have something very serious to tell you.

Husband: What's up?

Wife: According to DNA t...

Frog DNA...

A frog got his DNA test back.
He's part Scottish, part Irish and a tad Pole.

I couldn't afford an Ancestry DNA kit...

So I just announced that I had won the lottery. I soon found out to all my relatives are.

Went to the doctor and they tested my DNA. He told me that my DNA is backwards!

I said, “AND?”

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A single sperm contains 37.5mb of DNA information which means that a normal ejaculation represents a data transfer of 1587.5 tb

That's a lot of information to swallow

What do you get when you combine human DNA with seal DNA?

You get banned from SeaWorld.

What did the Doorman say to the DNA strand at the entrance to the nightclub?

"Sorry mate, no genes allowed."

What does DNA stand for?

National Dyslexics Association

Humans share 70% of our DNA with zebrafish

So if you're having difficulty getting something done, it's probably because a zebrafish is using the DNA.

I made a DNA joke in my biology class but no one laughed.

Guess my thymine was off.

Why wife just had her myheritage DNA test back

Turns out she is a Karen...

She is on the phone with the company to complain about the results.

What do you get if you mix human DNA and whale DNA?

Banned from Seaworld



Cake day so time to Karma Farm, and I can't see this joke posted

Doctor: “Sir, I have some bad news, I’m afraid your DNA is backwards”

Me: “and?”

Beware of DNA tests!

In England, young Robert Keystone Townsend II, was given a DNA test from a friend for his birthday, which revealed a terrible family secret: His father was not his actual father, but still related somehow. When confronted with the question of why this horrible truth was hidden from him for so long, ...

What do you get when you combine human DNA with whale DNA?

Kicked out of Sea World, apparently.



Yes, I know it's a repost. But I love this joke.

Fred came home from University in tears. "Mum, am I adopted?" he asked.

"No of course not," replied his mother. “Why would you think such a thing?”

Fred showed her his genealogy DNA test results. No match for any of his relatives, and strong matches for a family who lived the other side of the city.

Perturbed, his mother called her husband. "Honey, Fred ha...

Which came first, the chicken or the egg?



Neither. **The rooster came, and got the hen laid in the process.**



*(Biologist's answer: At some point a distant relative of the chicken laid an egg, and the mutations expressed in the chick's DNA would have it hatch as the first modern chicken - so the egg had to come first ...

We did a DNA test on our bullfrog from Arkansas…

Surprisingly, it was about 80% French, 15% German, and a tad Pole…

Redneck murders are hard to solve

There aren’t any dental records and all of the DNA is the same

A frog went for a DNA test...

The results came back 99.9% amphibian and a tad Polish.

I used a sample of my DNA to create a clone, with whom I now cohabit. People often ask me whether I think it's unethical.

I tell them I can live with myself.

I am not like other people

My DNA is different.

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I hear NASA wants to put the DNA of 6.7 million species on the Moon.

That's a pretty big cum shot if you ask me.

If you find $60-80 to be too expensive for ancestry DNA kits, I have a cheap alternative...

Announce that you won the lottery and you'll quickly find relatives you never knew you had!

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In case of any apocalyptic scenarios, scientists want to store the DNA of millions of species of animals and plants in lava tubes of the moon

The DNA of any illicit substances will be kept in Uranus

A priest begins to wonder if his religion is really the only ‘true’ religion. In his search he finds an Internet forum with like mined faith/spiritual seekers, and quickly befriends a Jewish Rabbi, and a Buddhist monk.

The three debate for months, with no real progression as such, until a post appears from a new user, claiming to be the purest, living descendant of Adam & Eve. He further claims, that to those who truly believe, he will grant the secret to human evolution.
All but the monk immediately dismi...

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What did one DNA strand say to the other DNA strand?

Do these genes make my butt look big?

I told my Biology lab partner to let me be her DNA helicase...

So I can unzip those genes.

A lettuce farm was busted by the FDA on suspicion of combining plant and human DNA to create a new protein hybrid.

When they dug up the grounds the found human romaines.

"Science and religion don't mix," said the priests...

...in a desperate attempt to exclude the DNA evidence.

I'm super-thrilled to announce that I am now a member of the DNA!

You know, the National Dyslexia Association!

What do diarrhea and DNA have in common?

They both run in your jeans.

Scientists: The coronavirus has reverse DNA.

Coronavirus: AND?

Scientists modified bears DNA to make them more humanlike.

... unfortunately the result was unbearable

I once seduced a woman by telling her I'd sequence her DNA

but I stopped at first base when she told me what I'd find in her genes

My friends job involves cloning the DNA of trains.

But I just call him a genetic engineer.

My DNA results came back 39% German, 27% Irish, 19% Beagle and 15% Pug.

Turns out my dog licked my sample.

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Trump looks out on the snow covered White House Lawn, and notices that someone has pissed “Trump Sucks” in the fresh snow.

Furious, he demands the Secret Service investigate. A few days later, the head of the SS says “Mr President, I’ve got good news and bad news. The good news is we’ve done a dna test on the urine, and found the culprit. It turns out it’s Mike Pence’s.” “That traitor”, shouts Trump. “I’ll have him hang...

DNA editing was invented by Gene Hackman

Does it work if the whole joke is in the title?

DNA: ACG

RNA: No U

I just took a DNA test, turns out, I'm 100%

going to jail for shoplifting.

Once I took a DNA test.

It was pretty hard but I think I passed.

Why couldn't the detective solve the Alabama murder case despite having the dna samples

It matched with everyone

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Monkey business

In a secret lab, a bunch if scientists are working on modified human DNA. To find out if their experiments work, they infuse monkey cells with the modified DNA. After a few years of raising 3 modified monkeys they send each of them into a different apprenticeship for one year, to see if they are abl...

I submitted my DNA to 23 & Me

They recommended I resubmit it to 24 & Me

I took a DNA test

Turns out, I am 70% water and 2% milk

Scientists have discovered that there is intelligent DNA inside of a lot of Women.

Unfortunately, most of them spit it out.

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