Do you know what DNA stands for?

National Dyslexic Association

What did one DNA say to the other DNA?

“Do these genes make me look fat?”

A dad is given bad news by a doctor

Doctor: Sir, I'm afraid your DNA is backwards.

Dad: AND?

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A single sperm cell has 37.5 MB of DNA information on it. That means that an average ejaculation represents a data transfer of 1587.5 TB

That's a lot of information to swallow

If I were an enzyme, I'd be DNA helicase...

So I could unzip your genes

What do you get when you mix human DNA with goat DNA

Kicked out of the petting zoo

I made a DNA joke in my biology class but no one laughed.

Guess my thymine was off.

Why are redneck murders so hard to solve?

All the DNA matches and there are no dental records.

What do you call a DNA test in Alabama?

Incestry DNA

Took one of those DNA-ancestory kits, and after my results, they're kicking me out of the Ku Klux Klan...

I found out my parents aren't even related

how do you study for a DNA test?

highlight the answers with a genetic marker

What's something that everyone in Alabama has in common?

DNA

Scientists modified bears DNA to make them more humanlike.

Unfortunately the result was unbearable.

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Why does DNA never lie?

Cuz it can’t fucking speak

DNA editing was invented by Gene Hackman

Does it work if the whole joke is in the title?

Scientists have discovered that there is intelligent DNA inside of a lot of Women.

Unfortunately, most of them spit it out.

I told my Biology lab partner to let me be her DNA helicase...

So I can unzip those genes.

Scientists identified intelligent DNA in a blonde.

The highest concentration was found in the stomach.

If you find $60-80 to be too expensive for ancestry DNA kits, I have a cheap alternative...

Announce that you won the lottery and you'll quickly find relatives you never knew you had!

How long do those mail in DNA tests take to receive back?

My son was born with a different skincolor than myself and wife. Just wondering what Recessive traits we're passed down to him. I mailed it off over 6 months ago and still no response....

Did you know that "sdrawrof dna sdrawkcab emas eht" backwards is

the same backwards and forwards

I wanted to learn more about my ancestry so I registered with a company online and sent them my DNA sample

Two weeks later I got a letter saying the sample cup was for saliva.

A man decided to get a DNA test

When the results came, he confronted his parents because he found they weren't his real parents.

His mom, shocked and confused, tried to understand what had happened while his father tried to calm her down.

"I thought you knew" said the father.

"What do you mean?? How was I supp...

When I was a kid, I googled 'DNA' to know more about it.

I was promptly directed to the National Dyslexic Association homepage

My DNA results came back 39% German, 27% Irish, 19% Beagle and 15% Pug.

Turns out my dog licked my sample.

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After 10 years, the wife starts to think their kid looks kinda strange so she decides to do a DNA test.

She finds out that the kid is actually from completely different parents.

Wife: Honey, I have something very serious to tell you

Husband: What’s up?

Wife: According to DNA test results, this is not our kid

Husband: Well you dont’t remember, do you??
When we were leavi...

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I once knew a scientist that tried to clone a donkey using his own DNA...

Everyone in his field said it couldn't be done. Needless to say, he made an ass out of himself.

how does a DNA molecule give oral?

helix it

Did you know that if you laid out someone’s DNA end to end...

that you would be arrested for murder?

A home DNA test kit

does not make a good baby shower gift.

You know how cats always swat at each other for seemingly no reason? Turns out it's in their DNA.

I'm sure somewhere in their genome it reads CAT TAG

Marvel are developing a new super hero who has the ability to remotely edit people’s DNA.

He will be called “Gene Hackman”

Did you hear about the science experiment where they successfully transferred human DNA into a dog?

They say the scientist spent too much time in the lab.

TIL If you stretched the DNA in one cell all the way out, it would be about 2m long, and if you did the same with all the DNA in all your cells put together

You would be dead.

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What do sex and DNA replication have in common?

You gotta unzip the genes first.

DNA is like the menu at Taco Bell

Different combinations of the same four ingredients to achieve endless results.

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If a sperm has 37.5 MB of DNA info and one ejaculation equals 15,875 GB of data, then why aren't we using sperm based hard drives?

Because once the data is released the hard drives revert to floppy dicks.

New DNA tests have revealed that Orville and Wilbur’s parents were actually Chinese.

So I guess that means two Wongs make a Wright.

What's the similarity between DNA and diarrhea?

They both run in the genes.

Researchers used CRISPR to encode a movie onto DNA

Time to create some viral memes

TIL DNA was supposed to be a line

But things spiraled of control

If you genetically edit the DNA of lettuce...

... you can make it CRISPR

Not mine... I read it off Twitter

Mummy DNA shows that the ancients don’t have much in common with modern Egyptians

But at least they have Tutankhamun

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Why are no murders solved in West Virginia?

Everyone has the same DNA and no one has any teeth.

I can't believe I got fired from my job at the DNA testing facility.

After all the blood, sweat, and tears I put in.

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