UPJOKE
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A Wife took a DNA test for her kid

After 10 years, the wife starts to think their kid looks strange so she decides to do a DNA test.

She finds out that the kid is actually from completely different parents.

Wife: Honey, I have something very serious to tell you.

Husband: What's up?

Wife: According to DNA t...

What do you get when you combine human DNA with seal DNA?

You get banned from SeaWorld.

Frog DNA...

A frog got his DNA test back.
He's part Scottish, part Irish and a tad Pole.

Doctor: I think your DNA is backwards.

ME: …and?

I couldn't afford an Ancestry DNA kit...

So I just announced that I had won the lottery. I soon found out to all my relatives are.

Went to the doctor and they tested my DNA. He told me that my DNA is backwards!

I said, “AND?”

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A single sperm contains 37.5mb of DNA information which means that a normal ejaculation represents a data transfer of 1587.5 tb

That's a lot of information to swallow

What do you get when you mix human DNA with goat DNA?

Alot of dirty looks and kicked out of the petting zoo, apparently.

What did the DNA say to the other DNA?

Do these genes make me look fat?

Scientists have conducted blood tests on a frog to extract DNA and confirm its identity.

They have discovered that the frog was:-
30% Russian
30% French
20% Italian
10% Spanish
5% British
4% Dutch
And a tad Pole...!

Why did the DNA chain blush?

It was part of his genetic makeup.

Doctor: “Sir, I have some bad news, I’m afraid your DNA is backwards”

Me: “and?”

What does DNA stand for?

National Dyslexics Association

What did the Doorman say to the DNA strand at the entrance to the nightclub?

"Sorry mate, no genes allowed."

Humans share 70% of our DNA with zebrafish

So if you're having difficulty getting something done, it's probably because a zebrafish is using the DNA.

I made a DNA joke in my biology class but no one laughed.

Guess my thymine was off.

What do you get if you mix human DNA and whale DNA?

Banned from Seaworld



Cake day so time to Karma Farm, and I can't see this joke posted

Why are Red Neck murder cases so Hard to Solve?

Because everyone has the same DNA and there are no Dental Records.

What do you get when you combine human DNA with whale DNA?

Kicked out of Sea World, apparently.



Yes, I know it's a repost. But I love this joke.

A frog went for a DNA test...

The results came back 99.9% amphibian and a tad Polish.

If you find $60-80 to be too expensive for ancestry DNA kits, I have a cheap alternative...

Announce that you won the lottery and you'll quickly find relatives you never knew you had!

Why wife just had her myheritage DNA test back

Turns out she is a Karen...

She is on the phone with the company to complain about the results.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sherlock Holmes is searching for a criminal.

The criminal assaulted several people, then spent the night at a hotel. He and Watson spent several hours searching the room top and bottom for DNA evidence left behind by the staff. Then, Watson had an idea.
The idea was to look in the room’s sewage, for urine, waste, and dead skin cells. They a...

Beware of DNA tests!

In England, young Robert Keystone Townsend II, was given a DNA test from a friend for his birthday, which revealed a terrible family secret: His father was not his actual father, but still related somehow. When confronted with the question of why this horrible truth was hidden from him for so long, ...

I used a sample of my DNA to create a clone, with whom I now cohabit. People often ask me whether I think it's unethical.

I tell them I can live with myself.

I told my Biology lab partner to let me be her DNA helicase...

So I can unzip those genes.

We did a DNA test on our bullfrog from Arkansas…

Surprisingly, it was about 80% French, 15% German, and a tad Pole…

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I hear NASA wants to put the DNA of 6.7 million species on the Moon.

That's a pretty big cum shot if you ask me.

Fred came home from University in tears. "Mum, am I adopted?" he asked.

"No of course not," replied his mother. “Why would you think such a thing?”

Fred showed her his genealogy DNA test results. No match for any of his relatives, and strong matches for a family who lived the other side of the city.

Perturbed, his mother called her husband. "Honey, Fred ha...

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One ejaculation contains over 15000 gigs of DNA. So what does that make pornstars?

Fucking genuises

A lettuce farm was busted by the FDA on suspicion of combining plant and human DNA to create a new protein hybrid.

When they dug up the grounds the found human romaines.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In case of any apocalyptic scenarios, scientists want to store the DNA of millions of species of animals and plants in lava tubes of the moon

The DNA of any illicit substances will be kept in Uranus

Which came first, the chicken or the egg?



Neither. **The rooster came, and got the hen laid in the process.**



*(Biologist's answer: At some point a distant relative of the chicken laid an egg, and the mutations expressed in the chick's DNA would have it hatch as the first modern chicken - so the egg had to come first ...

Check your emails more often

Turns out my DNA ancestry results came back 100% Nigerian and I’ve been neglecting my royal prince cousin for years

A Canadian couple made province-shaped cookies

A baker in Canada thought it would be fun to bake cookies that were each in the shapes of Canada's provinces and territories.

"These look delicious," said her husband.

"Thanks!" she said. "And don't worry, I've made some of each shape so you're able to eat them."

"What do you me...

Scientists modified bears DNA to make them more humanlike.

... unfortunately the result was unbearable

What do diarrhea and DNA have in common?

They both run in your jeans.

I just took a DNA test, turns out, I'm 100%

going to jail for shoplifting.

My DNA results came back 39% German, 27% Irish, 19% Beagle and 15% Pug.

Turns out my dog licked my sample.

I once seduced a woman by telling her I'd sequence her DNA

but I stopped at first base when she told me what I'd find in her genes

What do you get when you cross human DNA with goat DNA?

Don't know? That's fine, I'm waiting to find out myself

Baby, I wish I were DNA helicase...

...so I could unzip your genes.

DNA editing was invented by Gene Hackman

Does it work if the whole joke is in the title?

Once I took a DNA test.

It was pretty hard but I think I passed.

Why couldn't the detective solve the Alabama murder case despite having the dna samples

It matched with everyone

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Trump looks out on the snow covered White House Lawn, and notices that someone has pissed “Trump Sucks” in the fresh snow.

Furious, he demands the Secret Service investigate. A few days later, the head of the SS says “Mr President, I’ve got good news and bad news. The good news is we’ve done a dna test on the urine, and found the culprit. It turns out it’s Mike Pence’s.” “That traitor”, shouts Trump. “I’ll have him hang...

I took a DNA test

Turns out, I am 70% water and 2% milk

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