Doctor: “Sir, I have some bad news, I’m afraid your DNA is backwards”

Me: “and?”

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A Wife took a DNA test for her kid

After 10 years, the wife starts to think their kid looks strange so she decides to do a DNA test.

She finds out that the kid is actually from completely different parents.

Wife: Honey, I have something very serious to tell you.

Husband: What's up?

Wife: According to DNA t...

What does DNA stand for?

National Dyslexia Association

What do you get if you mix human DNA and whale DNA?

Banned from Seaworld



Cake day so time to Karma Farm, and I can't see this joke posted

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After 10years a wife started to think their child looks kinda strange so she did a DNA test and found out the child is not theirs, she told her husband what she found out.

The husband replied, you don't remember do you? When we were leaving the hospital the baby pooped and you told me to go and change him so I went inside got a clean one and left the dirty one there.

What do you get when you cross human DNA with sheep DNA?

Kicked off the farm

You don't need an Ancestry DNA kit to find out who your relatives are.

Just tell everyone that you've won the lottery.

The doctor told me my DNA was reversed.

I said "And?"

Fred came home from University in tears. "Mum, am I adopted?"

"No of course not", replied his mother. Why would you think such a thing?

Fred showed her his genealogy DNA test results. No match for any of his relatives, and strong matches for a family who lived the other side of the city.

Perturbed, his mother called her husband. "Honey, Fred has ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A single sperm contains 37.5mb of DNA information which means that a normal ejaculation represents a data transfer of 1587.5 tb

That's a lot of information to swallow

What is DNA’s favourite piece of clothing ?

Jeans (genes)

What do you call Michael Jackson's DNA?

Billie Genes

A frog went for a DNA test...

The results came back 99.9% amphibian and a tad Polish.

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In case of any apocalyptic scenarios, scientists want to store the DNA of millions of species of animals and plants in lava tubes of the moon

The DNA of any illicit substances will be kept in Uranus

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I hear NASA wants to put the DNA of 6.7 million species on the Moon.

That's a pretty big cum shot if you ask me.

I used a sample of my DNA to create a clone, with whom I now cohabit. People often ask me whether I think it's unethical.

I tell them I can live with myself.

I made a DNA joke in my biology class but no one laughed.

Guess my thymine was off.

Why's it so hard to solve a redneck murder?

Cause the DNA's all the same and there ain't no dental records.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did one DNA strand say to the other DNA strand?

Do these genes make my butt look big?

Why are murders so difficult to solve in Alabama?

All the DNA matches and there are no dental records

why is DNA evidence not permissible in Alabama court?

because its all the same anyway

You’d think the Catholic Church would be more supportive of condom use...

Less DNA evidence.

I'm super-thrilled to announce that I am now a member of the DNA!

You know, the National Dyslexia Association!

If you find $60-80 to be too expensive for ancestry DNA kits, I have a cheap alternative...

Announce that you won the lottery and you'll quickly find relatives you never knew you had!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One ejaculation contains over 15000 gigs of DNA. So what does that make pornstars?

Fucking genuises

A lettuce farm was busted by the FDA on suspicion of combining plant and human DNA to create a new protein hybrid.

When they dug up the grounds the found human romaines.

I once seduced a woman by telling her I'd sequence her DNA

but I stopped at first base when she told me what I'd find in her genes

Allergies

Did you know, allergies are your immune system treating a harmless substance as a big threat? To put it another way, it's in my DNA to be overly dramatic about things.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the new Nazi documents that have been uncovered?

They were conducting experiments involving mixing the DNA of electric eels, dogs, and captured British soldiers.

According to the plans they were quite eel-lab-brit.

Ps: sorry...

What do you get when you cross human DNA with goat DNA?

Don't know? That's fine, I'm waiting to find out myself

My friends job involves cloning the DNA of trains.

But I just call him a genetic engineer.

What do diarrhea and DNA have in common?

They both run in your jeans.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Trump looks out on the snow covered White House Lawn, and notices that someone has pissed “Trump Sucks” in the fresh snow.

Furious, he demands the Secret Service investigate. A few days later, the head of the SS says “Mr President, I’ve got good news and bad news. The good news is we’ve done a dna test on the urine, and found the culprit. It turns out it’s Mike Pence’s.” “That traitor”, shouts Trump. “I’ll have him hang...

"I have good news and bad news," a defense attorney told his client

First the bad news:

The blood test came back, and your DNA is an exact match with that found at the crime scene."
"

Oh, no!" cried the client. "What's the good news?"


"Your cholesterol is down to 140."

Scientists: The coronavirus has reverse DNA.

Coronavirus: AND?

You might be a redneck if...

You keep swiping right on your Ancestry DNA matches

DNA: ACG

RNA: No U

Why couldn't the detective solve the Alabama murder case despite having the dna samples

It matched with everyone

Once I took a DNA test.

It was pretty hard but I think I passed.

Why are crimes in the 'Deep South' so hard to solve?

There's no dental records & all the DNA matches...

Scientists modified bears DNA to make them more humanlike.

Unfortunately the result was unbearable.

I submitted my DNA to 23 & Me

They recommended I resubmit it to 24 & Me

DNA editing was invented by Gene Hackman

Does it work if the whole joke is in the title?

I told my Biology lab partner to let me be her DNA helicase...

So I can unzip those genes.

What do you do when your DNA cookie is undercooked?

You make it CRISPR.

My DNA results came back 39% German, 27% Irish, 19% Beagle and 15% Pug.

Turns out my dog licked my sample.

I wanted to learn more about my ancestry so I registered with a company online and sent them my DNA sample

Two weeks later I got a letter saying the sample cup was for saliva.

I just took a DNA test, turns out, I'm 100%

going to jail for shoplifting.

I took a DNA test

Turns out, I am 70% water and 2% milk

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My ancestry DNA test shows 10% African, 20% Mexican, 40% Cuban, 5% Chinese...

Mom, what this even mean?

-Mom "a fucking great party"

Scientists have discovered that there is intelligent DNA inside of a lot of Women.

Unfortunately, most of them spit it out.

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