What did one DNA say to the other DNA?

“Do these genes make me look fat?”

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A single sperm cell has 37.5 MB of DNA information on it. That means that an average ejaculation represents a data transfer of 1587.5 TB

That's a lot of information to swallow

Doctor: "Sir, I'm afraid your DNA is backwards"

Me: "And?"

I made a DNA joke in my biology class but no one laughed.

Guess my thymine was off.

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My ancestry DNA test shows 10% African, 20% Mexican, 40% Cuban, 5% Chinese...

Mom, what this even mean?

-Mom "a fucking great party"

What do you get if you insert human DNA into a goat?

Apparently the answer is "banned from the petting zoo".

What do you call a DNA test in Alabama?

Incestry DNA

Do you know what DNA stands for?

National Dyslexic Association

If I were an enzyme, I'd be DNA helicase...

So I could unzip your genes

I just took a DNA test, turns out, I'm 100%

going to jail for shoplifting.

Why Are Murders So Hard To Solve In The U.S. Deep South?

All the DNA is the same and there are no dental records...

Took one of those DNA-ancestory kits, and after my results, they're kicking me out of the Ku Klux Klan...

I found out my parents aren't even related

If you find $60-80 to be too expensive for ancestry DNA kits, I have a cheap alternative...

Announce that you won the lottery and you'll quickly find relatives you never knew you had!

Scientists modified bears DNA to make them more humanlike.

Unfortunately the result was unbearable.

What do you do when your DNA cookie is undercooked?

You make it CRISPR.

DNA editing was invented by Gene Hackman

Does it work if the whole joke is in the title?

Scientists have discovered that there is intelligent DNA inside of a lot of Women.

Unfortunately, most of them spit it out.

A man decided to get a DNA test

When the results came, he confronted his parents because he found they weren't his real parents.

His mom, shocked and confused, tried to understand what had happened while his father tried to calm her down.

"I thought you knew" said the father.

"What do you mean?? How was I supp...

I told my Biology lab partner to let me be her DNA helicase...

So I can unzip those genes.

I wanted to learn more about my ancestry so I registered with a company online and sent them my DNA sample

Two weeks later I got a letter saying the sample cup was for saliva.

How long do those mail in DNA tests take to receive back?

My son was born with a different skincolor than myself and wife. Just wondering what Recessive traits we're passed down to him. I mailed it off over 6 months ago and still no response....

how do you study for a DNA test?

highlight the answers with a genetic marker

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A female journalist is taking a tour of a new science facility.

Scientist: Here at our lab we've been testing what would happen to GMO foods if, instead of producing foods with genes intended for fast production, we could develop GMO foods into potentially another form of species.

Journalist: That's interesting what foods have you tested this on?

...

Scientists identified intelligent DNA in a blonde.

The highest concentration was found in the stomach.

Have you heard about the suicide bomber fetish?

Wearing only a vest you run out in public and blow your DNA all over everyone.

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After 10 years, the wife starts to think their kid looks kinda strange so she decides to do a DNA test.

She finds out that the kid is actually from completely different parents.

Wife: Honey, I have something very serious to tell you

Husband: What’s up?

Wife: According to DNA test results, this is not our kid

Husband: Well you dont’t remember, do you??
When we were leavi...

how does a DNA molecule give oral?

helix it

When I was a kid, I googled 'DNA' to know more about it.

I was promptly directed to the National Dyslexic Association homepage

A home DNA test kit

does not make a good baby shower gift.

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Did you know that Einstein married his Cousin

Did you know that Einstein married his Cousin,
Elsa Lowenthal, after his first marriage failed in 1919.?

At the time he stated that he was attracted to Elsa "because she was so well endowed".

He postulated that if you are attracted to women with large mammary glands, the attraction...

Solving a crime in Alabama must be so hard

Everyone has the same damn DNA

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A man and his wife have a baby.

As soon as they are leaving the hospital the baby poops and the wife tells her husband to change him.

A year passes and the woman keeps noticing how the baby looks less and less like them so she does a DNA test.

The test comes back and the woman runs to her husband screaming that the b...

My DNA results came back 39% German, 27% Irish, 19% Beagle and 15% Pug.

Turns out my dog licked my sample.

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I once knew a scientist that tried to clone a donkey using his own DNA...

Everyone in his field said it couldn't be done. Needless to say, he made an ass out of himself.

Did you hear about the science experiment where they successfully transferred human DNA into a dog?

They say the scientist spent too much time in the lab.

Hey girl are you a nucleus?

Because I wanna store my DNA in you

Did you know that if you laid out someone’s DNA end to end...

that you would be arrested for murder?

You know how cats always swat at each other for seemingly no reason? Turns out it's in their DNA.

I'm sure somewhere in their genome it reads CAT TAG

TIL If you stretched the DNA in one cell all the way out, it would be about 2m long, and if you did the same with all the DNA in all your cells put together

You would be dead.

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What do sex and DNA replication have in common?

You gotta unzip the genes first.

Marvel are developing a new super hero who has the ability to remotely edit people’s DNA.

He will be called “Gene Hackman”

New DNA tests have revealed that Orville and Wilbur’s parents were actually Chinese.

So I guess that means two Wongs make a Wright.

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If a sperm has 37.5 MB of DNA info and one ejaculation equals 15,875 GB of data, then why aren't we using sperm based hard drives?

Because once the data is released the hard drives revert to floppy dicks.

This huge guy broke into my house last night.

I confronted him but he punched me in the stomach then smacked me across the face. While I lay on the ground he stole my wallet, my phone, and then walked out with my TV.

I didn't manage to scratch him or take a photo but rang the police anyway in the hope they'd at least be able to find a...

DNA is like the menu at Taco Bell

Different combinations of the same four ingredients to achieve endless results.

What's the similarity between DNA and diarrhea?

They both run in the genes.

A young couple consults Jerry Springer to confirm the baby daddy is the real farther.

DNA results:

The good news is... you *are* the father.

The bad news is... you *are also* the uncle.

TIL DNA was supposed to be a line

But things spiraled of control

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