Ole Blue

A young cowboy from Montana goes off to college.

Half way through the semester, having foolishly
squandered all his money .... he calls home.

"Dad," he says, "You won't believe what modern education is developing! They actually have a program here in University that will teach our...

My least favorite color is purple.

I hate it more than red and blue combined.

I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until

they are flashing behind you.

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I'm so patriotic, I piss red white and blue.

My doctor told me it was pancreatic cancer.


I told him to shut his commie mouth.

I recently found out that if you drink the blue liquid from a Magic 8-ball that you can see the future!

Trust me! My friend Joe did it once. He Said right after drinking it he was gonna die, and then he did!

Roses are red, violets are blue

I’m just telling you gardening facts.

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A father and his young son go to a restaurant and to keep him occupied, he gives the boy three pennies to play with. Suddenly, the boy starts choking and his face starts turning blue! The father realizes the boy has swallowed the pennies and starts slapping him on the back...

The boy coughs up two of the pennies, but keeps choking.

Looking at his son, panicking, the father starts shouting for help.

A well dressed, serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a nearby table reading from her laptop and sipping a cup of coffee.

At the so...

Dad joke: What's blue and doesn't weigh very much?

Light blue.

If a bluebird has blue babies and a redbird has red babies, what kind of bird has no babies?

A swallow

When does red paint smell like blue paint?

Always.

What's white and blue and will kill you if it falls out of a tree onto you?

A refrigerator wearing a denim jacket.

What's red and tastes like blue food coloring?

Red food coloring.

A Programmers son asks, why is the sky blue?

Programmer: It works, don't mess with it!

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Blue Collar Joke

A young family moved into a house next to a vacant lot. One day, a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot.

The young family’s 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing the workers....

Why is the French flag blue, white, and red?

In case a war starts, they can tear off the sides and surrender.

A man who just died is delivered to the mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit...

.... The mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed. He points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing.
The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit.
She ...

If a pink stork delivers girl babies and a blue stork delivers boy babies, what delivers no babies?

A swallow.

Roses are red, Violets are blue,

I'm no longer a poet,
I got fired.

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A blues club is holding a competition for the best blues performer.

Plenty of musicians show up, but among them is this one grizzled old bluesman. It's his turn to go on stage, so he sits on the piano and goes:

- This song is called: "I Will Slap You With My Dick All Night"

And he breaks out into a beautiful blues tune, after which half of the other mu...

I saw a guy today with soot all over his face carrying a large pick axe and wearing a royal blue hardhat that matched his overalls.

But these are just miner details.

What’s Blue and Really bad for your teeth?

A *really* fast brick.

What happens to the crew when a red pirate ship and a blue pirate ship crash into each other?

They get marooned.

In early The Who gigs their drummer would sometimes go on stage dressed in nothing but a layer of blue paint. However, he didn't do it too often.

In fact, it would only happen once in a blue Moon.

What is skin-colored, bouncy and sometimes blue?

My balls.

Roses are red, Violets are blue. If you don’t like Harry Potter puns,

Something is Siriusly Ron with you.

A blue House is made of blue bricks, a pink house is made of pink bricks, a yellow house is made of yellow bricks. What is a green house made of?

Glass

Roses are red, violets are blue, Yo Mama so fat

But she still loves you!

My 3 watts blue laser pointer finally arrived and I played with it over the weekend.

I can no longer see why people say these devices were so dangerous.

If you drink the blue liquid inside of a magic 8 ball, you can see the future.

It’s true. My friend Carl drank one and said “I’m dying”, and then he did.

The purple man lives in the purple house. The blue man lives in the blue house. Who lives in the White House?

The orange man.

Did you hear about the Red and Blue war?

I heard the soldiers were marooned!

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What do you call someone with a blue dick?

.

.

.

.

.

A tight-fisted wanker

Roses are red, violets are blue

Never gonna run around and *desert youuu*

I swiped right on a girl without a picture, and we matched.

So after a brief chat i went to go pick her up. I wasn't expecting much, probably 300 lbs with bad skin, but hey, I was so desperate it was this or join an incel chatroom.

I walked up to the door and lo and behold, 5'2", baby blue eyes, strawberry blonde hair, all the right curves in all the...

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An older gentleman was standing at a bus stop, observing a young man with orange, green, and blue spiked hair.

After a few moments, the young man said, "What's the matter, old man, haven't you ever done anything wild?"

The old man smiled and said, "Well, yes. I once had sex with a parrot, and I was wondering if you might be my son..."

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Bleach kills everything: mold, mildew, bacteria, black shirts, blue jeans...

But not the whites.

Fuckin white privilege...

What's big and blue and if it fell out of a tree would kill you?

The Pacific Ocean

What does a blue horse say?

Neigh-vy

You guys know blue doesn’t exist in nature?

It’s just a pigment of your imagination.

I've never understood the Navy's colour being Navy blue.

I though they were the aqua-marines.

What’s blue and doesn’t weigh very much?

A baby in a plastic bag

What's blue and f*cks grannys?

Hypothermia

What is Blue and Yellow and Comes in Brownies?

Cub Scouts!

Why is the ocean always blue?

Because the shore never waves back.

A teacher goes for a long walk on the beach. She finds a shiny magic lamb, picks it up, and rubs it.

There is a puff of blue smoke and a genie pops out. “You have three wishes. I can give you anything in the world. If I fail, I must become your personal genie for eternity.”

The teacher thinks for a moment and says, “For my first wish, I want jewels. Silver, gold, platinum, whatever you have....

A Priest was reciting a poem, "Roses are red violets are blue".

My girlfriend is 9 I'm 62.

What does a Blue Whale do on a date?

Netflix and Krill.

I never really understood what the "blue screen of death" meant

But when my self driving car had one the name started making a lot more sense

I was watching the Korean remake of Blues Brothers

Yeah, my favourite part was when they do Seoul Man

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A dude walks into a restaurant and says,

"Where's the fucking manager you cock-sucker?"

The host is surprised and replies, "Excuse me, but could you please refrain from using that sort of language in here, I will get the manager as soon as I can."

The manager comes over and the dude asks, "Are you the fucking manager of thi...

I asked my buddy if he always puts an orange wedge in his beer.

He said, "Ehh not really. Maybe once in a Blue Moon."

What is blue and stands beside a street in winter?

A frostitute

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I've just been watching a pair of blue tits in the garden.

I told the wife it was too cold for sunbathing!

What is 18 inches long, black and blue, stiff as a board, and makes women scream?

crib death

What's blue and doesn't weigh much?

Light blue.

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Day 173 without sex

Threw the blue shell in Mario Kart while I was already in first place to remember what it's like to get hit from behind.

How do you kill a blue elephant? You shoot it with a blue elephant gun. How do you kill a pink elephant?

You hold its trunk until it turns blue. Then you shoot it with a blue elephant gun.

Two guys are walking down the street in Florida and they see a sign outside a bar that says "10 cent Martinis" and they decide to go in. They don't believe it, but decide to order anyway. The bartender makes two large Belvedere martinis with blue cheese olives and says "That will be 20 cents."

The two guys can't believe it, but drink up and order again. While the bartender is making the drinks, they ask him "How can you afford to do this?" The bartender responds, "I always wanted to own a bar where people could drink cheaply and then I won the lottery." One of the patrons responded, "That...

If 2 black birds make a black bird and 2 blue birds make a blue bird, what makes no birds?

Swallows.

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