I once saw a picture of Mt. Rushmore before it was carved

Its natural beauty was unpresidented

Joe: I just got back from climbing Mt. Everest.

Bob: Summit?

Joe: Nope. Climbed all of it!

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You can call my ass Mt Rushmore

Cause it could make a 138 year old man hard as rock

I just recently finished building a model of Mt. Everest and a friend asked, "Is it to scale?"

"No," I said.
"It's to look at."

Remember that every dead body on Mt. Everest was once a highly motivated person

Stay lazy, my friends

I heard they just opened a BBQ restaurant near the top of Mt. Everest

Careful though, the steaks are high.

On my way to climb Mt. Everest, I came upon a local villager who said he had a rooster that laid eggs.

"How is that possible?" I asked.
"Himalayan rooster," he replied.

What mountain is just smaller than Mt. Everest?

Mt. Everer

Me: I am thinking of climbing Mt Everest again.

My alter ego: Really? How many times have you climbed Mt Everest so far?
Me: Not once yet, but it is the seventh time I have had this thought.

Moses reaches the bottom of Mt. Sinai, gathers the people together, and says, "Alright everyone, I've got good news and bad news. The good news is that I got him down to 10."

"The bad news is adultery stays."

Just found- Lost Scriptures from the Book of Paul.

It is Good Friday and there are multitudes of people gathered around Mt. Calvary wailing, worshiping, and witnessing the crucifixion of Jesus Christ, now nailed to the cross atop this hill for all to see. Jesus cries out, "Paul...Paul... Paaaulll.." Paul hears this and to prove he is a good disciple...

If something goes wrong with the 4th of July celebration at Mt. Rushmore...

It will be a monumental disaster.

Mt favourite joke: Why does Edward Woodward (actor) have so many "D" 's in his name?

Because otherwise he'd be Eh-wah Woo-wah:P

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Had to shit

Just over halfway through the flight, all the coffee in my stomach feels like it's percolating its way down into my lower intestine. I hunker down and try and focus on other things. What feels like an hour, but probably isn't more than twenty minutes, passes. We then enter what turns out to be prett...

What do Mt Everest and The Sixth Sense have in common?

Icy dead people.

When Andrew Waugh was surveying Mt Everest in 1856 he came up with a height of exactly 29,000 ft. Fearing people would think that was just an imprecise estimation he reported it as 29,002 ft.

Because of this, some say he was the first to place two feet on the summit of Everest.

A conversation between God and Moses at the top of Mt. Sinai.....

God: And remember Moses, in the laws of keeping Kosher, never cook a calf in its mother's milk.

Moses: Ohhhhhh! So you are saying we should never eat milk and meat together.

God: No, what I'm saying is, never cook a calf in its mother's milk.

Moses: Oh, Lord forgive my ignora...

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A nude artist dies while climbing Mt Everest

Nobody paid them, they had to do it for the exposure.

Disney just launched a Mt. Everest attraction.

You wait in line, then die.

Mt. Rushmore wasn't built in a day.

A girl recently told me that she was impressed with my persistence. I replied with, "Mt. Rushmore wasn't built in a day. I'll chip away until you have something disappointing and smaller than imagined."

Rescue attempts are being made to save a bull stranded on Mt. Everest

Reports confirm that the steaks have never been higher.

What did the Hawaiian say to the visiting school kids about Mt. Kilauea?

This blows.

Yo mama so thirsty

She climbed Mt. Dew.

-- my 9 year old

Father: "Son, you shall follow in my footsteps of escorting climbers up Mt Everest."

Son: "Sher pa."

Moses comes down from Mt. Sinai

So Moses comes down from Mt. Sinai with two tablets of stone in his hands and speaks to his people: "Okay folks, I got some goods news and some bad news.
Good news first: I got him down to ten.
The bad news: Adultery is still in."

Did you here about the two faces being added to MT. Rushmore?

Barack Obama!

TIL: bumblebees can fly higher than Mount Everest

In retrospect, this was pretty obvious considering that Mt. Everest can't fly

Why couldn't Frodo drop the Ring into Mt. Doom?

Force of Hobbit.

Mt. Everest has lost its record status ...

... now that a British astronaut is Earth's highest Peake.

What rock group doesn't sing, play instruments or do concerts?

Mt. Rushmore

After the Flood, Noah commanded the animals...

"Go forth! Be fruitful! Multiply!"

And so, the animals did go forth from Mt. Ararat, and behold they were fruitful and did multiply as Noah had commanded. But Noah saw that two snakes had remained with the ark.

"Serpents! Why has thou not done as I have commanded, and gone forth to mul...

A joke I heard from Walter Matthau

Three old men are talking and the first old man goes “if I could do a good number 1 , just a number one for three seconds I’d be happy with myself”

The second goes “if I could do a solid number 2, just a quick, swift number 2 I’d be satisfied”

The third guy goes “well I do an awesome n...

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Billings bear bars

A bear walks into a bar in Billings, MT and orders a beer. Bartender says, "Sorry , we don't serve beers to bears in bars in Billings." The bear is enraged, runs down to the end of the bar and devours the woman who was sitting at the end. The bear tells the bartender, "Now get me a beer." Bartender ...

On my Bucket list:

1. Pail
2. Mop Bucket
3. Ice Bucket
4. Car Washing Bucket
5. Climb Mt. Everest
6. Livestock Bucket

Mr. Smith

Mr. Smith climbed to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk to God.

Looking up, he asked the Lord.. "God, what does a million years mean to you?"

The Lord replied, "A minute."

Smith asked, "And what does a million dollars mean to you?"

The Lord replied, "A pen...

Political speeches

Once, a politician, 3 doctors and 3 engineers decided to climb Mt.Everest.

They arrive there and start climbing. Halfway into the climbing, the rope starts to break. The engineers, with their quick physics skills tell everyone "One of us has to jump or else we all die!". Nobody wanted to jum...

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"What's a man cave?"

Mt wife saw a beer sign in a garage we passed and said it must be a man cave. 5-year-old daughter asked, "What's a man cave?" Wife explained and daughter asked, "What about a girl cave?" I immediately responded, "It's called a kitchen, dear." Wife proceeded to beat the ever-loving shit outta my arm....

Mother Theresa looks down into hell from heaven...

She sees them getting ready for dinner. It's a feast, beef Wellington, shrimp, twice baked potatoes, wine, champagne, and a million different desserts.

Just then God came by and asked, "Are you hungry? I'm making tuna fish sandwiches if you'd like one."

MT: "Um, ok, sure."

The ...

Two guys were talking about pets

"Yeah, so I have a couple of cats and a chihuahua. What about you, Flynn?"

Flynn looked at the man with a look of both pain and peace. "Well, Danny... I had a dog once."

Daniel sympathetically responded. "What happened?"

Flynn let out a quiet sigh. "It's a long story."

Da...

caution: high altitudes under certain conditions can cause a bloody nose

Like on Mt. Shasta I heard a guy saying, "I just wanted to show people that it's possible to do things like hiking and Crossfit on a vegan diet, and besides I needed something to do after I retired at 30 on my Bitcoin investments" so I punched him in the nose.

leroy

3 women all had boyfriends named Leroy. Apparently the 3 gents were quite alike and during the conversation the 3 women would get confused as to which Leroy they were referring to. One of them had the idea to name them after soda pop.
1st lady says " i'm gonna call mine Mt Dew, cause when he mou...

Which is the smartest tall mountain?

Mt. Cleverest

Hue hue

What rock group has four guys and no singers?

Mt. Rushmore! Happy presidents day!
http://i.imgur.com/N8LF0HU.png

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Two men go for a hike. (Long)

A Czechoslovakian and a Russian decide to take a trip to America to hike Mt. McKinley. After their long flight and hauling all of their gear, they get to the base of the mountain. When they reach the ranger station, the rangers tell them that the mountain has had a serious bear problem lately. ...

I'M NO MOUNTAIN CLIMBER

I just finished this book on climbing Mt. Everest. Now I'm no mountain climber, but I smoke and I live on the third floor, so I can kind of relate. Everest is a lot like laundry day.

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At the end of WW 2, three soldiers - an Italian, a Japanese, and a Pole - were facing a Russian firing squad.

The Russians decided to shoot the Italian first. They asked if he had any last words, and he yelled "Il Duce!" The squad leader then gave the command, "Ready... Aim...." and the Italian saw his life flash before his eyes, and remembered his home near Mt. Vesuvius, and yelled out, "Volcano!!!" ...

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Thor's first time with a mortal woman

Thor was bored with Valhalla so one day he decided to visit the Greek gods on Mt Olympus.

Well him and Zeus hit it off, and after more than a few drinks, Thor confessed to Zeus that he'd never done any mortal women, like Zeus was famous for doing.

So Zeus says - oh you'd better get rig...

I went to my first Ethiopian electronic concert yesterday

The DJ was MT Stomach

My favorite book as a child was...

...'I Fell Off Mt Everest' by Eileen Dover.

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