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Mt Jokes

A Californian, a Texan and a local are drinking at a bar in Big Sky, MT

After a little bit, The Californian finishes his martini, turns and throws his glass against the wall.

The Bartender, shocked, asks him why the hell he did that.

Californian replies that where he's from, they make so much money they don't have to drink out of the same glass twice.
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Mt favorite naval joke!

**Americans**: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.









**Canadians**: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.






**Americans**: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship....

A pessimistic hiker gets to the peak of Mt. Everest

He says to his friend, "It's all downhill from here"

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There were plans to have Chuck Norris's face on Mt. Rushmore

Unfortunately, the plans had to be scrapped because the granite was too soft to make his beard.

I miss Mt.Rushmore before it was carved.

It’s beauty was un-presidented

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What did Tenzing Norgay say to Sir Edmund Hillary when they reached the summit of Mt. Everest?

It’s all downhill from here.

I just recently finished building a model of Mt. Everest and a friend asked, "Is it to scale?"

"No," I said.
"It's to look at."

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You can call my ass Mt Rushmore

Cause it could make a 138 year old man hard as rock

What did Hailey Joel Osmont say when climbing mt everest?

Icy dead people

Did you hear that Paris Hilton has agreed to climb Mt. Everest?

It's being called the Paris climb it agreement.

Joe: I just got back from climbing Mt. Everest.

Bob: Summit?

Joe: Nope. Climbed all of it!

My wife and I had a great romantic courtship and then got married on the summit of Mt Everest

But it was all downhill from there.

Did you hear about the mountain climber who summited Mt Everest.

safe to say his mountain climbing career peaked

What mountain is just smaller than Mt. Everest?

Mt. Everer

Remember that every dead body on Mt. Everest was once a highly motivated person

Stay lazy, my friends

Me: I am thinking of climbing Mt Everest again.

My alter ego: Really? How many times have you climbed Mt Everest so far?
Me: Not once yet, but it is the seventh time I have had this thought.

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A nude artist dies while climbing Mt Everest

Nobody paid them, they had to do it for the exposure.

A conversation between God and Moses at the top of Mt. Sinai.....

God: And remember Moses, in the laws of keeping Kosher, never cook a calf in its mother's milk.

Moses: Ohhhhhh! So you are saying we should never eat milk and meat together.

God: No, what I'm saying is, never cook a calf in its mother's milk.

Moses: Oh, Lord forgive my ignora...

Disney just launched a Mt. Everest attraction.

You wait in line, then die.

The best tailor shop is located on Mt. Everest

It's a cut above the rest.

I heard they just opened a BBQ restaurant near the top of Mt. Everest

Careful though, the steaks are high.

If something goes wrong with the 4th of July celebration at Mt. Rushmore...

It will be a monumental disaster.

Mt. Rushmore wasn't built in a day.

A girl recently told me that she was impressed with my persistence. I replied with, "Mt. Rushmore wasn't built in a day. I'll chip away until you have something disappointing and smaller than imagined."

On my way to climb Mt. Everest, I came upon a local villager who said he had a rooster that laid eggs.

"How is that possible?" I asked.
"Himalayan rooster," he replied.

Mt favourite joke: Why does Edward Woodward (actor) have so many "D" 's in his name?

Because otherwise he'd be Eh-wah Woo-wah:P

Rescue attempts are being made to save a bull stranded on Mt. Everest

Reports confirm that the steaks have never been higher.

A MtF Trans woman goes to a Halloween costume party...

But she shows up in her regular clothes. The party goers ask "did you forget this was a costume party?"

She replies "Oh I remembered. I'm dressed as one of the X-Men."

How can we stop people from dying on Mt. Everest?

climb it change

Moses comes down from Mt. Sinai

So Moses comes down from Mt. Sinai with two tablets of stone in his hands and speaks to his people: "Okay folks, I got some goods news and some bad news.
Good news first: I got him down to ten.
The bad news: Adultery is still in."

Mt. Everest has lost its record status ...

... now that a British astronaut is Earth's highest Peake.

TIL: bumblebees can fly higher than Mount Everest

In retrospect, this was pretty obvious considering that Mt. Everest can't fly

Why couldn't Frodo drop the Ring into Mt. Doom?

Force of Hobbit.

Did you here about the two faces being added to MT. Rushmore?

Barack Obama!

Moses reaches the bottom of Mt. Sinai, gathers the people together, and says, "Alright everyone, I've got good news and bad news. The good news is that I got him down to 10."

"The bad news is adultery stays."

Father: "Son, you shall follow in my footsteps of escorting climbers up Mt Everest."

Son: "Sher pa."

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I know it’s weird but I fantasize about having sex with women who have been canonized by the church.

If fact, I’d love to Mt St Helen’s.

what rock group has 4 men that can't sing?

Mt. Rushmore

What do you get when Lincoln, Washington, Jefferson, and Roosevelt fall in poison ivy?

Mt. Rashmore.

When Andrew Waugh was surveying Mt Everest in 1856 he came up with a height of exactly 29,000 ft. Fearing people would think that was just an imprecise estimation he reported it as 29,002 ft.

Because of this, some say he was the first to place two feet on the summit of Everest.

There are so few people in Montana

It's almost like it's MT

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I used to have a picture of Ronald Regan in my bathroom.

To mt conservative friends I would say "That man got shit done, and you can too". To my liberal friends I would say "Isn't this the room where you'd put a piece of shit". But the reality it's just where I stored all of my mad cash. Nobody's going to touch a picture that's hanging in a bathroom.

Yo mama so thirsty

She climbed Mt. Dew.

-- my 9 year old

Mother Theresa looks down into hell from heaven...

She sees them getting ready for dinner. It's a feast, beef Wellington, shrimp, twice baked potatoes, wine, champagne, and a million different desserts.

Just then God came by and asked, "Are you hungry? I'm making tuna fish sandwiches if you'd like one."

MT: "Um, ok, sure."

The ...

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"What's a man cave?"

Mt wife saw a beer sign in a garage we passed and said it must be a man cave. 5-year-old daughter asked, "What's a man cave?" Wife explained and daughter asked, "What about a girl cave?" I immediately responded, "It's called a kitchen, dear." Wife proceeded to beat the ever-loving shit outta my arm....

After the Flood, Noah commanded the animals...

"Go forth! Be fruitful! Multiply!"

And so, the animals did go forth from Mt. Ararat, and behold they were fruitful and did multiply as Noah had commanded. But Noah saw that two snakes had remained with the ark.

"Serpents! Why has thou not done as I have commanded, and gone forth to mul...

On my Bucket list:

1. Pail
2. Mop Bucket
3. Ice Bucket
4. Car Washing Bucket
5. Climb Mt. Everest
6. Livestock Bucket

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Billings bear bars

A bear walks into a bar in Billings, MT and orders a beer. Bartender says, "Sorry , we don't serve beers to bears in bars in Billings." The bear is enraged, runs down to the end of the bar and devours the woman who was sitting at the end. The bear tells the bartender, "Now get me a beer." Bartender ...

Mr. Smith

Mr. Smith climbed to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk to God.

Looking up, he asked the Lord.. "God, what does a million years mean to you?"

The Lord replied, "A minute."

Smith asked, "And what does a million dollars mean to you?"

The Lord replied, "A pen...

Which is the smartest tall mountain?

Mt. Cleverest

Hue hue

A joke I heard from Walter Matthau

Three old men are talking and the first old man goes “if I could do a good number 1 , just a number one for three seconds I’d be happy with myself”

The second goes “if I could do a solid number 2, just a quick, swift number 2 I’d be satisfied”

The third guy goes “well I do an awesome n...

A math joke...

After days of walking a mountain climber reached the top of Mt.Everest. There he saw and old man with a boiling pot of water. “ What is this?”, the climber asked.

“ Don’t you see”, the old man replied “ this is a hypotenuse.”

caution: high altitudes under certain conditions can cause a bloody nose

Like on Mt. Shasta I heard a guy saying, "I just wanted to show people that it's possible to do things like hiking and Crossfit on a vegan diet, and besides I needed something to do after I retired at 30 on my Bitcoin investments" so I punched him in the nose.

Just found- Lost Scriptures from the Book of Paul.

It is Good Friday and there are multitudes of people gathered around Mt. Calvary wailing, worshiping, and witnessing the crucifixion of Jesus Christ, now nailed to the cross atop this hill for all to see. Jesus cries out, "Paul...Paul... Paaaulll.." Paul hears this and to prove he is a good disciple...

What rock group has four guys and no singers?

Mt. Rushmore! Happy presidents day!
http://i.imgur.com/N8LF0HU.png

I'M NO MOUNTAIN CLIMBER

I just finished this book on climbing Mt. Everest. Now I'm no mountain climber, but I smoke and I live on the third floor, so I can kind of relate. Everest is a lot like laundry day.

I went to my first Ethiopian electronic concert yesterday

The DJ was MT Stomach

leroy

3 women all had boyfriends named Leroy. Apparently the 3 gents were quite alike and during the conversation the 3 women would get confused as to which Leroy they were referring to. One of them had the idea to name them after soda pop.
1st lady says " i'm gonna call mine Mt Dew, cause when he mou...

Donation Request ----SENT FROM FORMER 3 STAR GENERAL, FORMER SENATOR, ROBERT WINGLASS ( AND CLASSMATE )

Dear Friends:
I have the distinguished honor of being a member of the Committee to raise $50,000,000 for a monument to Hillary R. Clinton. We originally wanted to put her on Mt. Rushmore until we discovered there was not enough room for her two faces.
We then decided to erect a statue of Hilla...

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At the end of WW 2, three soldiers - an Italian, a Japanese, and a Pole - were facing a Russian firing squad.

The Russians decided to shoot the Italian first. They asked if he had any last words, and he yelled "Il Duce!" The squad leader then gave the command, "Ready... Aim...." and the Italian saw his life flash before his eyes, and remembered his home near Mt. Vesuvius, and yelled out, "Volcano!!!" ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two men go for a hike. (Long)

A Czechoslovakian and a Russian decide to take a trip to America to hike Mt. McKinley. After their long flight and hauling all of their gear, they get to the base of the mountain. When they reach the ranger station, the rangers tell them that the mountain has had a serious bear problem lately. ...

Two guys were talking about pets

"Yeah, so I have a couple of cats and a chihuahua. What about you, Flynn?"

Flynn looked at the man with a look of both pain and peace. "Well, Danny... I had a dog once."

Daniel sympathetically responded. "What happened?"

Flynn let out a quiet sigh. "It's a long story."

Da...

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