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Amp Jokes

I sold my Kia Soul and bought a guitar and amp.

I guess you can say I sold my soul for rock n roll…

Story of my divorce

Why did I get divorce, you ask? Well, last week was my birthday. My wife didn't get me a present and didn't even wish me a happy birthday. My parents forgot and so did my kids. I went to work and even my co-workers didn't wish me a happy birthday. As I entered my office, my secretary said, "Happy bi...

Catholic priests are like Spinal Tap's amps

...they go up to 11.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A lemon, a potato, and a pea all had a tough week working at the grocery store...

...so they decided to let off some steam with a bar crawl at the weekend.

They had a great time, hitting bar after bar, knocking back drinks, but being so genetically different, the alcohol affected them each in different ways: the lemon got very acidic and refluxy; the potato, being a big st...

What do you call karate kid with high-end guitar amp?

Marshall artist

Two electric car owners were seen today fighting over a charging port.

The police have said it was a charged environment and they will amp up patrols around area. A lot of witnesses were shocked and some saw someone socket to the other.

TIL that if you plug your amp into a 12" instead of your 8", you get fireworks.

Whoops. Wrong sub.

How do you get a guitar player to turn down his amp?

Give him sheet music.

Study shows that...

Study shows that if you say 'study shows that' before saying a statement, people are 56% more likely to believe you and this number can increase to 71% if you add a random statistical data and to further amp up this number to 82.3% you can include decimals in that number as well.

Yesterday I accidentally sent a naked picture of myself to everyone in my address book.

Not only was it embarrassing but it cost a fortune in stamps.

A guy walks up to the shopkeeper and asks for a Fender Strat, an Orange Amp and a Mooger Fooger pedal...

...the shop keeper says: "Are you a drummer?" and the guy responds: "Yeah how can you tell?"

The shop keeper responds: "This is a fish and chip shop mate."

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So this guy - who I don't know - walks into the bar I'm at, sits down next to me, and starts telling me a story about his latest conquest

This guy sits next to me and says - "Hey man - last night I hooked up with this totally hot F'n girl. I was talking to this F'n chick for about half an hour."

He continues - "I asked her from where she was from - and it was my F'n home town. She went to the same F'n high school as me. I neve...

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A kid goes up to his Grandfather...

...& says "Hey Gramps, can I take a puff of you're cigar?"

"Well young man, does your penis touch your asscheeks?" He replies

"Well no, why?"

"Well, then I'll have to say no."

A few days go by & the kid see's his Grandfather with a glass of...

There once lived a Mr. Wrong

Since he was a wee lad, Mr. Wrong had it tough. He was a bright, brilliant young boy, but to his mother he would never be enough. Worse still, she'd make all sorts of outlandish statements to rub it into him that he would never amount to anything.

Mr. Wrong was tenacious though, as he'd delib...

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The Heart Attack

A blonde man gets home from work early & hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs only to find his wife naked lying on the bed, sweating and panting. 'What's happening!?' he asks.


'I think I'm having a heart attack,' - cries the wife. The blonde rushes down...

A man is playing basketball with his son...

“Son, if you can make this shot, I’ll get you a new amp for that guitar you play. But if you miss, you have to eat this bag of sand. What’ll it be? &?”

My friend was a pretty good guitarist

But that one time he stepped in a puddle while playing his electric guitar on an old, badly grounded amp, he became a great conductor.

Here's a joke about a terrible cable car operator

So there was this man who had only one ambition in his life: he wanted to live in San Francisco and drive cable cars. So he moved there, and studied, and took a test to become a cable car driver. He failed. Studied some more, took the test again. Again he failed. Finally, on the third attempt, he pa...

How do electricians relax?

They meditate.
*Oooohhhmmmm*

They do it after getting all amped up after a long day. It helps organize the mind after getting their wires crossed.

I just fell in love with a girl who builds circuit boards for a living...

I just couldn't *resistor.*

I couldn't help but say "*Ohm* my word, you're gorgeous!"

We talked for a while, had quite an *amp-*le conversation.

We eventually went to get lunch and took her *volts-*wagon.

*Current-*ly, I'd say this relationship is working out well.
...

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Johnny while traveling in a train..

Johnny while traveling in a train was continuously looking at a woman's legs and saw that she wasn't wearing her panties and beneath her tall waxed legs was a clean shaved pussy that was just unbelievable.

Woman: I know what you are looking at.

Johnny apologetically: I am sorry Mam thi...

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A Sexual Encounter between a Capacitor and an Inductor

One evening, with his charge at full capacity, Micro Farad decided to get a cute coil to discharge him. He went to the Magnet Bar to pick up a chip called Millie Amp. He caught her out back trying self induction; fortunately, she had not damaged her solenoid. The two took off on his megacycle and ro...

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A man has been getting progressively fatter and decides he needs to change.

He sees an advertisement that claims it'll help you lose 6 lbs in 3 days. With nothing to lose except 6 lbs he calls up the company and says hell give it a try. When he wakes up the next morning he hears a knock on the door and opens it to discover a topless brunette standing there. Smiling cheekish...

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So a dodo and a camel are walking along a beach...

When all of a sudden they come across a genie lamp half buried in the sand. Feeling pretty amped about the whole situation; they rub the lamp and out comes the genie.

In a regal tone, the genie introduced himself: "Good morrow sirs! I am Jean the Genie, and as the rubbers of the lamp you are...

On a night out, a man finds himself in a bar where a local band is performing.

During the performance he comes across a woman who introduces herself as Teri Campbell. After a bit of flirting, they find themselves up against an amplifier, getting a bit spicy. Now he’d never told anyone before, but he had a fetish for vinegar. Anything with vinegar, it could be pickles, brown sa...

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Learning to play the bass

Little Bobby Tavoli came to his father one day and said, "Father, I want to learn how to play the bass."

Having been burned before when Little Bobby decided he wanted to learn something and then quit, Papa Tavoli replied, "That's fine Little Bobby, but you have to stick to it this time. After...

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