UPJOKE
denimdungareeblue jeanclothlingerieloungewearundergarmenttrouserblousemenswearouterwearpantpantybrapiaget

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A guy goes to a Halloween party in just his jeans

No shoes or shirt nothing but jeans. He’s making his rounds and enjoying some drinks and the comes up to him and asks, “So what are you supposed to be?” The guys responds, “I’m a premature ejaculation.” The host pauses for a second really staring at this guy’s costume and finally says, “I don’t get ...

A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who’s dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.

Saint Peter addresses this guy, "Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?" The guy replies, "I’m Joe Cohen, taxi driver, of Noo Yawk City." St. Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the taxi driver, "Take this silken robe and golden staff and ent...

As a fat guy, I tend to avoid wearing skinny jeans.

I find it very difficult to pull it off.

My grandpa just walked into my room with a young guy wearing skinny jeans and eating avocado toast.

I said, “Who is this guy?”

Grandpa: This is my hip replacement.

What does a cheap motel and tight jeans have in common?

No ball room

Skinny jeans are like a cheap hotel.

There’s no ballroom.

I try wearing tight jeans..

but I could never pull them off

My wife asked me "do I look fat in these jeans?"

I said "promise not to be mad whatever I say?"

She replied "yes of course!"

I said "I banged your sister".

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When I go to a costume party this year, I'm showing up wearing only a pair of jeans.

That way when I'm asked what my costume is, I'll say "I'm a premature ejaculator. I just came in my pants."

Do you know what happens when your designer jeans get tangled in the dryer?

Guess knot

Did you hear about the new food delivery service that features people wearing really tight jeans that were popular in the 80's?

It's called Jor-Dash

I tried to wear skinny jeans once

I couldn't pull 'em off

Needing new jeans.

I happened to spot several pairs of men’s Levi’s at a local garage sale.

They were sizes 30, 31, and 32, but I was looking for size 33.

So I asked the owner if he had a pair.

He shook his head. “I’m still wearing the 33s,” he said. “Come back next year.”

Do you know why they give those tiny pockets on jeans?

It is for your salary.

What are Mario's favourite jeans to wear?

*Denim Denim Denim*

I asked a tailor to hem my jeans

He did a bad job of it so I ended having to go to the retailer

As a scarecrow, people say I’m outstanding in my field.

But hay, it’s in my jeans

A man is making jeans and gets exhausted.

What does he do?

Pants.

A girl who caught me looking at her very toned legs in jeans.

Her: "Whatcha looking at?"

Me: Sorry your legs look great in those
jeans.

Her: You should see me without them.

ME: Why would you take off your legs?

I like my men like I like my jeans..

High and Wasted.

^I ^don't ^have ^great ^taste ^in ^jeans.

My dad come up to my room, and handed me my soaking wet wallet, after accidentally leaving it in my jeans as they went through the wash.

"Son, you're going to have to stop money laundering."

Men's jeans haven't really been working out for me, so I decided to try on women's jeans.

Then I realized it was the closest I'll ever get into a girl's pants.

Problem with the new jeans

I was at the customer-service desk, returning a pair of jeans that was too tight.

“Was anything wrong with them?” the clerk asked.

“Yes,” I said. “They hurt my feelings.”

Why do Welsh farmers prefer 501 jeans?

So the sheep wont hear the zipper

Puma's new Jeans line has failed...

They were called Puma Pants.

A shirt and jeans walk into a bar

They ask the bartender for a drink and he replies
“No shoes no service”

Why do Scottish men wear kilts instead of jeans?

Because a sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away.

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I zipped up my jeans and got my penis caught in the zipper. I painfully shouted out.....

"Username checks out"

Stopped buying jeans

I could never find jeans that fit, every pair long enough would be too wide up top. So I switched to sweatpants, smaller waste of material.

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Honesty

While trying on a jeans, a wife asks her husband.

Wife: "Darling, do I look fat in these jeans?"

Husband: "Can I be honest with you? Promise me you won't get mad."

Wife: "Sure darling, go ahead, I won't be angry."

Husband: "I fucked your sister."

I was excited to find $20 in the back pocket of an old pair of jeans

but the guy wearing them didn’t seem as excited.

A man wakes up after a night of drinking to see a single red rose on his bedside table.

Beside the rose is a glass of water, two Advil, and a note from his wife. The note says, "Hi honey, the pills are for your headache. When you're ready, come down to the kitchen and I'll fix your favorite breakfast. Love you!"

He also notices that he is still in the clothes he was wearing la...

I know skinny jeans are fashionable...

But as a slightly chubby man, I just can't seem to be able to pull them off

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Boss: You can't wear jeans with holes in them to work.

Dave: it's a fashion trend.

Boss: Dave we can see your asshole.

Why shouldn’t you buy cheap jeans from Northern Ukraine?

Chernobyl fallout.

I've quit wearing Lee jeans...

...I'm afraid some anarchist will try to pull them down!

Why doesn't Bruce Banners pants rip when he transforms into the Hulk?

Because the radiation altered his jeans

Vladimir Putin to begin marketing Kremlin brand jeans

Each pair comes with a complimentary Donald Trump in the back pocket.

To the guy who stole my really tight skinny jeans...

You won't be able to run, just hide.

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Scarlett Johansson and some guy were the only survivors of a shipwreck.

They didn't know each other before the shipwreck, but he did know who she was...

At the beginning it was hard, but as time passed, this guy learnt how to provide food and shelter, he started taking care of her, and eventually she started caring about him... after all, there wasn't anybody els...

What material are the Pink Panther's jeans made out of?

Denim Deniiiiiiiimmmmmm

I was at a restaurant, and spilled soup on my jeans.

I called for there server: "Waitress, there's soup in my fly"

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Bleach kills everything: mold, mildew, bacteria, black shirts, blue jeans...

But not the whites.

Fuckin white privilege...

Why do deaf women wear tight jeans?

So you can read their lips.

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What do you call a group of jeans running a marathon?

ParticiPANTS!

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Why were high-waisted jeans first invented?

So you can deal with those long ass days.

I girl once told me a story about her cut-off jeans.

She kept it short.

I got a pair of jeans for a buck

Idk what it wanted jeans for, but I'm a charitable friend to animals.

I finally figured out what that tiny little pocket in my jeans is there for...

It's for my salary.

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I saw a guy with down syndrome buying a pair of jeans today.

I thought to myself, "What a greedy bastard, haven't you got enough already?"

Old man goes to church

One Sunday morning an old cowboy entered a church just before services
were to begin. Although the old man and his clothes were spotlessly clean,
he wore jeans, a denim shirt and boots that were very worn and ragged. In
his hand he carried a worn out old hat and an equally worn out Bible....

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So when a girl tells her friend she has a great ass in that jeans it's okay,

But when I tell my buddy the same thing I am 'being inappropriate' and I 'should really close the coffin now'. The world we live in

How does a pair of jeans cool it's self off?

It pants.

William Shatner is going to sponsor a new line of women's jeans made to hide adult diapers underneath.

They're going to be called Shatner Pants.

I was behind a fat girl in tight jeans at the supermarket checkout...

Her label said “Guess?”

I said, “ Oh I don’t know, 450 pounds?”

I hate having to shop for jeans as a guy. They're all made like cheap castles.

There's no ballroom!




Sorry if this is a repost, I've never seen it posted to r/jokes before. I only just heard it yesterday from a coworker who claims her grandfather made it up. I thought you lot might like it!

What do you call a guy from Illinois with rips in his jeans, shoes, and a hole in his shirt and forehead?

An ambulance

Why did I wear no jeans today?

my supply was short.

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I was cleaning out my closet and found an old pair of jeans on the top shelf. Inside of them was a huge rubber penis. I showed my wife what I found and asked for an explanation.

She said, “Honey, you know I never lie. This way, when I tell you that you have a huge cock in your pants, I’m not lying.”

Diarrhea is hereditary.

It runs in your jeans

What's the difference between a pair of jeans and an Ethiopian?

A pair of jeans only has one fly on it

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