What do skinny jeans and modern houses have in common?

No ballroom

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I zipped up my jeans and got my penis caught in the zipper. I painfully shouted out.....

"Username checks out"

My grandpa just walked into my room with a young guy wearing skinny jeans and eating avocado toast.

I said, “Who is this guy?”

Grandpa: This is my hip replacement.

Puma's new Jeans line has failed...

They were called Puma Pants.

I dont know why catholic schools dont like ripped jeans...

They are the holy-est pants I have ever seen!

How does a pair of jeans cool it's self off?

It pants.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An old cowboy dressed to kill with cowboy shirt, hat, jeans, spurs and chaps went to a bar and ordered a drink.

As he sat there sipping his whiskey, a young lady sat down next to him.

After she ordered her drink she turned to the cowboy and asked him, "Are you a real cowboy?"

"Well, I have spent my whole life on the ranch herding cows, breaking horses, mending fences... I guess I am," replied th...

What's the difference between the beginning of the small intestine and a pair of jeans?

One is a duodenum, and the other is a denim duo.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I once talked to a chick in the club. I said "you have a nice jeans, i would want to be inside of your jeans." She said "no need for that." I asked "why?"

She: "because there is already an asshole inside."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man walks into a costume party in nothing but a pair of blue jeans

The host asks him, "What are you supposed to be?"

He responds, "I'm a premature ejaculation."

The host says, "Umm... I don't completely understand."

"Well," the man says, "I just came in my pants."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Bleach kills everything: mold, mildew, bacteria, black shirts, blue jeans...

But not the whites.

Fuckin white privilege...

Why shouldn’t you buy cheap jeans from Northern Ukraine?

Chernobyl fallout.

My dad come up to my room, and handed me my soaking wet wallet, after accidentally leaving it in my jeans as they went through the wash.

"Son, you're going to have to stop money laundering."

What kind of jeans do the Mario Bros wear?

Denim, denim, denim. Denim, denim, denim.

What do you call a smart person in jeans?

A jeanius.

Men's jeans haven't really been working out for me, so I decided to try on women's jeans.

Then I realized it was the closest I'll ever get into a girl's pants.

To the guy who stole my really tight skinny jeans...

You won't be able to run, just hide.

Did you know diarrhea is genetic??

It runs in your jeans...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I wear dad jeans, have a dad bod, and tell dad jokes...

Funny, since I've never even had sex.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A wife came home early and...

One day, a wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman. Naturally, she was very upset.

“You are a disrespectful pig!” she cried. “How dare you do this to me! I’m a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I’m leaving you. I want ...

Wife: Do these jeans make me look fat?

Husband: Come on honey, let's not blame it on the *jeans*.

I got this new pair of jeans and they're really stretchy so I call them my dancing pants...

because of the ballroom.

I hate having to shop for jeans as a guy. They're all made like cheap castles.

There's no ballroom!




Sorry if this is a repost, I've never seen it posted to r/jokes before. I only just heard it yesterday from a coworker who claims her grandfather made it up. I thought you lot might like it!

I got a pair of jeans for a buck

Idk what it wanted jeans for, but I'm a charitable friend to animals.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

You go to a Halloween party wearing nothing but blue jeans. When someone asks you who you are, you reply, "I'm a premature ejaculator."

You see, I just came in my pants.

"Credit goes to some dudes post on something earlier, couldn't find it to give him credit. Thought it was too funny not to share."

I couldn't quit ripping my jeans cold turkey...

...so I'm on the patch now.

A friend tried to get me to wear jeans, a white t shirt, and a motorcycle jacket - but I said no.

It sounded like a Fonzie scheme.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Boss: You can't wear jeans with holes in them to work.

Dave: it's a fashion trend.

Boss: Dave we can see your asshole.

What did they find under Michael Jackson's pillow?

Billy's Jeans

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Scarlett Johansson and some guy were the only survivors of a shipwreck.

They didn't know each other before the shipwreck, but he did know who she was...

At the beginning it was hard, but as time passed, this guy learnt how to provide food and shelter, he started taking care of her, and eventually she started caring about him... after all, there wasn't anybody els...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why were high-waisted jeans first invented?

So you can deal with those long ass days.

I accidentally left my wallet in my jeans when I put them in the wash...

I got busted for Money Laundering

My jeans are blue but the string I bought is red...

Oops. Wrong thread...

What material are the Pink Panther's jeans made out of?

Denim Deniiiiiiiimmmmmm

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My wife walked into the kitchen last night, stuck her hand down the front of my jeans and said…

"Feeling horny?"

I said, "Yes, let me just go and slip into something a little more sexier."

"Like your silky boxers?" She asked.

"No," I replied. "Your sister."

How are a pair of skinny jeans like a cheap motel?

No ballroom

Vladimir Putin to begin marketing Kremlin brand jeans

Each pair comes with a complimentary Donald Trump in the back pocket.

Why do Scottish men wear kilts instead of jeans?

Because a sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away.

Mom: Wear your jeans! There are too many mosquitoes outside.

Feminist daughter: Don't teach me what not to wear. Teach the mosquitoes how not to bite.

Why does Helen Keller wear tight jeans?

So people can read her lips.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

For someone with a penis, wearing skinny jeans is a lot like living in a cheap mansion...

There's no ballroom.

Do these jeans make me look fat?

wife : Do these jeans make me look fat?
Me totally scared: Would you get mad if i tell you the truth?
Wife : No, i won't! Tell me.
Me : I slept with your sister

I like my Friday nights like I like my jeans

high-wasted.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I saw a guy with down syndrome buying a pair of jeans today.

I thought to myself, "What a greedy bastard, haven't you got enough already?"

I know skinny jeans are fashionable...

But as a slightly chubby man, I just can't seem to be able to pull them off

William Shatner is going to sponsor a new line of women's jeans made to hide adult diapers underneath.

They're going to be called Shatner Pants.

Angels came down and gave me a new pair of Levi’s

I guess I’m blessed with good jeans

What do Brooklyn and tight jeans have in common?

Flatbush.

This year for Christmas you are getting jeans with the pockets cut out.

So you can have clothes and something to play with.

At a party, an old lady was complaining about the behaviour of the youth of today.

'Look at the girl over there.' She complained, 'I don't know what young girls are coming to! She is wearing boys jeans, a boys shirt, and that hair cut is so boyish - you wouldn't know if she was a girl at all, would you?'.

'Well, as it happens I would', came the reply, 'because she is my da...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

You know why diarrhea is hereditary?

Because that shit runs through your jeans.






Credit: My student today in class.

Tomorrow is Downs Syndrome Awareness Day

You're supposed to wear crazy socks.

I'm just going to wear extra jeans.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Bill suffered an excruciating pain in his balls since childhood. No doctor could ever diagnose what was wrong with them. So finally, they suggested him to get them operated.

After the operation, now being a free man, with slightly lesser pain than earlier, he was happy and wanted to start his life afresh. So he went to the garments shop closest to the hospital.

'Excuse me, I'd like to buy a suit, could you please take my measures?' said Bill to the owner of the s...