This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I zipped up my jeans and got my penis caught in the zipper. I painfully shouted out.....

"Username checks out"

For our recent field trip, our teacher told us that jeans were appropriate, but we weren’t allowed to wear pairs with holes in them.

I still don’t know how we’re supposed to get the darn things on!

What do skinny jeans and modern houses have in common?

No ballroom

My grandpa just walked into my room with a young guy wearing skinny jeans and eating avocado toast.

I said, “Who is this guy?”

Grandpa: This is my hip replacement.

Puma's new Jeans line has failed...

They were called Puma Pants.

I dont know why catholic schools dont like ripped jeans...

They are the holy-est pants I have ever seen!

How does a pair of jeans cool it's self off?

It pants.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An old cowboy dressed to kill with cowboy shirt, hat, jeans, spurs and chaps went to a bar and ordered a drink.

As he sat there sipping his whiskey, a young lady sat down next to him.

After she ordered her drink she turned to the cowboy and asked him, "Are you a real cowboy?"

"Well, I have spent my whole life on the ranch herding cows, breaking horses, mending fences... I guess I am," replied th...

What's the difference between the beginning of the small intestine and a pair of jeans?

One is a duodenum, and the other is a denim duo.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man walks into a costume party in nothing but a pair of blue jeans

The host asks him, "What are you supposed to be?"

He responds, "I'm a premature ejaculation."

The host says, "Umm... I don't completely understand."

"Well," the man says, "I just came in my pants."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I once talked to a chick in the club. I said "you have a nice jeans, i would want to be inside of your jeans." She said "no need for that." I asked "why?"

She: "because there is already an asshole inside."

What kind of jeans do the Mario Bros wear?

Denim, denim, denim. Denim, denim, denim.

Why shouldn’t you buy cheap jeans from Northern Ukraine?

Chernobyl fallout.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Bleach kills everything: mold, mildew, bacteria, black shirts, blue jeans...

But not the whites.

Fuckin white privilege...

My dad come up to my room, and handed me my soaking wet wallet, after accidentally leaving it in my jeans as they went through the wash.

"Son, you're going to have to stop money laundering."

What do you call a smart person in jeans?

A jeanius.

Men's jeans haven't really been working out for me, so I decided to try on women's jeans.

Then I realized it was the closest I'll ever get into a girl's pants.

To the guy who stole my really tight skinny jeans...

You won't be able to run, just hide.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I wear dad jeans, have a dad bod, and tell dad jokes...

Funny, since I've never even had sex.

Wife: Do these jeans make me look fat?

Husband: Come on honey, let's not blame it on the *jeans*.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A wife came home early and...

One day, a wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman. Naturally, she was very upset.

“You are a disrespectful pig!” she cried. “How dare you do this to me! I’m a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I’m leaving you. I want ...

Did you know diarrhea is genetic??

It runs in your jeans...

I got this new pair of jeans and they're really stretchy so I call them my dancing pants...

because of the ballroom.

I hate having to shop for jeans as a guy. They're all made like cheap castles.

There's no ballroom!




Sorry if this is a repost, I've never seen it posted to r/jokes before. I only just heard it yesterday from a coworker who claims her grandfather made it up. I thought you lot might like it!

I got a pair of jeans for a buck

Idk what it wanted jeans for, but I'm a charitable friend to animals.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

You go to a Halloween party wearing nothing but blue jeans. When someone asks you who you are, you reply, "I'm a premature ejaculator."

You see, I just came in my pants.

"Credit goes to some dudes post on something earlier, couldn't find it to give him credit. Thought it was too funny not to share."

As a scarecrow, people say I’m outstanding in my field.

But hay, it’s in my jeans

A friend tried to get me to wear jeans, a white t shirt, and a motorcycle jacket - but I said no.

It sounded like a Fonzie scheme.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Boss: You can't wear jeans with holes in them to work.

Dave: it's a fashion trend.

Boss: Dave we can see your asshole.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you call a group of jeans running a marathon?

ParticiPANTS!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why were high-waisted jeans first invented?

So you can deal with those long ass days.

How are a pair of skinny jeans like a cheap motel?

No ballroom

I accidentally left my wallet in my jeans when I put them in the wash...

I got busted for Money Laundering

Vladimir Putin to begin marketing Kremlin brand jeans

Each pair comes with a complimentary Donald Trump in the back pocket.

What material are the Pink Panther's jeans made out of?

Denim Deniiiiiiiimmmmmm

Why do Scottish men wear kilts instead of jeans?

Because a sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My wife walked into the kitchen last night, stuck her hand down the front of my jeans and said…

"Feeling horny?"

I said, "Yes, let me just go and slip into something a little more sexier."

"Like your silky boxers?" She asked.

"No," I replied. "Your sister."

My jeans are blue but the string I bought is red...

Oops. Wrong thread...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Scarlett Johansson and some guy were the only survivors of a shipwreck.

They didn't know each other before the shipwreck, but he did know who she was...

At the beginning it was hard, but as time passed, this guy learnt how to provide food and shelter, he started taking care of her, and eventually she started caring about him... after all, there wasn't anybody els...

Mom: Wear your jeans! There are too many mosquitoes outside.

Feminist daughter: Don't teach me what not to wear. Teach the mosquitoes how not to bite.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

For someone with a penis, wearing skinny jeans is a lot like living in a cheap mansion...

There's no ballroom.

Why do deaf women wear tight jeans?

So you can read their lips.

What did they find under Michael Jackson's pillow?

Billy's Jeans

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

WHY PEOPLE HATE SCHOOL RE-UNIONS

Jan, Sue and Mary haven't seen each other since leaving school.

They rediscover each other via a reunion website and arrange to meet for lunch in a wine bar.

Jan arrives first, wearing a beige Versace. She orders a bottle of Pinot Grigio.

Sue arrives shortly afterward, in grey...

Do these jeans make me look fat?

wife : Do these jeans make me look fat?
Me totally scared: Would you get mad if i tell you the truth?
Wife : No, i won't! Tell me.
Me : I slept with your sister

The Problem With New Jeans

I was at the customer-service desk, returning a pair of jeans that was too tight.

“Was anything wrong with them?” the clerk asked.

“Yes,” I said. “They hurt my feelings.”

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I saw a guy with down syndrome buying a pair of jeans today.

I thought to myself, "What a greedy bastard, haven't you got enough already?"

I like my Friday nights like I like my jeans

high-wasted.

I know skinny jeans are fashionable...

But as a slightly chubby man, I just can't seem to be able to pull them off

William Shatner is going to sponsor a new line of women's jeans made to hide adult diapers underneath.

They're going to be called Shatner Pants.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I have three different cigarette burns on my right arm that have never went away.

The first one came from me being incredibly drunk and telling my friends that they could burn me with it if they wanted because “mama didn’t raise no bitch”

The second one was from being really drunk a different time and my friends telling me that I was afraid to get burned with a cigarette a...

What do Brooklyn and tight jeans have in common?

Flatbush.

This year for Christmas you are getting jeans with the pockets cut out.

So you can have clothes and something to play with.

What csn you find on Micheal Jackson's bed?

Billie's Jeans, hehe

A boy, his dad, and his grandpa all browse r/jokes and laugh too hard and pee their pants...

Guess you could say it runs in their jeans!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

On math exam

Professor is fed up with the group of his students. So on exam he decides to flunk some students.
The first student comes in.
P: You’re driving a car. You feel really hot, what do you do?
S: I shall pull down a window
P: at what speed does the air come from outside inside the car?
The...

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