Stopped buying jeans

I could never find jeans that fit, every pair long enough would be too wide up top. So I switched to sweatpants, smaller waste of material.

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I once talked to a chick in the club. I said "you have a nice jeans, i would want to be inside of your jeans." She said "no need for that." I asked "why?"

She: "because there is already an asshole inside."

Skinny jeans are like a cheap hotel.

There’s no ballroom.

Why shouldn’t you buy cheap jeans from Northern Ukraine?

Chernobyl fallout.

For our recent field trip, our teacher told us that jeans were appropriate, but we weren’t allowed to wear pairs with holes in them.

I still don’t know how we’re supposed to get the darn things on!

I girl once told me a story about her cut-off jeans.

She kept it short.

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I zipped up my jeans and got my penis caught in the zipper. I painfully shouted out.....

"Username checks out"

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Bleach kills everything: mold, mildew, bacteria, black shirts, blue jeans...

But not the whites.

Fuckin white privilege...

I dont know why catholic schools dont like ripped jeans...

They are the holy-est pants I have ever seen!

Puma's new Jeans line has failed...

They were called Puma Pants.

What do you call a smart person in jeans?

A jeanius.

This morning, my Grandpa walked into my room with a young bearded guy wearing skinny jeans...

I said "Who is this guy?"

My grandpa replied "My hip replacement!"

Wife: Do these jeans make me look fat?

Husband: Come on honey, let's not blame it on the *jeans*.

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A man walks into a costume party in nothing but a pair of blue jeans

The host asks him, "What are you supposed to be?"

He responds, "I'm a premature ejaculation."

The host says, "Umm... I don't completely understand."

"Well," the man says, "I just came in my pants."

Men's jeans haven't really been working out for me, so I decided to try on women's jeans.

Then I realized it was the closest I'll ever get into a girl's pants.

A man bought a pair of jeans.

His friend took notice of it and inquired the brand.

“hey dude, nice jeans. what’s the brand?”
“Guess.”
“Levi’s Strauss?”
“No, Guess.”
“Gap?”
“No man, Guess.”
“American Standard!?”
“Dammit man, Guess!”
“FUBU!?!?!?!”

How does a pair of jeans cool it's self off?

It pants.

To the guy who stole my really tight skinny jeans...

You won't be able to run, just hide.

My dad come up to my room, and handed me my soaking wet wallet, after accidentally leaving it in my jeans as they went through the wash.

"Son, you're going to have to stop money laundering."

What kind of jeans do the Mario Bros wear?

Denim, denim, denim. Denim, denim, denim.

Did you know diarrhea is genetic?

It runs in your jeans!

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Boss: You can't wear jeans with holes in them to work.

Dave: it's a fashion trend.

Boss: Dave we can see your asshole.

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What do you call a group of jeans running a marathon?

ParticiPANTS!

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You go to a Halloween party wearing nothing but blue jeans. When someone asks you who you are, you reply, "I'm a premature ejaculator."

You see, I just came in my pants.

"Credit goes to some dudes post on something earlier, couldn't find it to give him credit. Thought it was too funny not to share."

I got a pair of jeans for a buck

Idk what it wanted jeans for, but I'm a charitable friend to animals.

I hate having to shop for jeans as a guy. They're all made like cheap castles.

There's no ballroom!




Sorry if this is a repost, I've never seen it posted to r/jokes before. I only just heard it yesterday from a coworker who claims her grandfather made it up. I thought you lot might like it!

I got this new pair of jeans and they're really stretchy so I call them my dancing pants...

because of the ballroom.

Vladimir Putin to begin marketing Kremlin brand jeans

Each pair comes with a complimentary Donald Trump in the back pocket.

I couldn't quit ripping my jeans cold turkey...

...so I'm on the patch now.

What’s the difference between an Ethiopian and a pair of jeans?

The jeans have only one fly on it.

A friend tried to get me to wear jeans, a white t shirt, and a motorcycle jacket - but I said no.

It sounded like a Fonzie scheme.

What material are the Pink Panther's jeans made out of?

Denim Deniiiiiiiimmmmmm

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My wife walked into the kitchen last night, stuck her hand down the front of my jeans and said…

"Feeling horny?"

I said, "Yes, let me just go and slip into something a little more sexier."

"Like your silky boxers?" She asked.

"No," I replied. "Your sister."

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Why were high-waisted jeans first invented?

So you can deal with those long ass days.

Do these jeans make me look fat?

wife : Do these jeans make me look fat?
Me totally scared: Would you get mad if i tell you the truth?
Wife : No, i won't! Tell me.
Me : I slept with your sister

Why do Scottish men wear kilts instead of jeans?

Because a sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away.

My jeans are blue but the string I bought is red...

Oops. Wrong thread...

I accidentally left my wallet in my jeans when I put them in the wash...

I got busted for Money Laundering

Her: Do I look fat in these jeans?

Him: Will you hate me if I tell the truth?
Her: No.
Him: Are you sure?
Her: YES! I'm sure.
Him: I banged your sister.

Why do deaf women wear tight jeans?

So you can read their lips.

As a scarecrow, people say I’m outstanding in my field.

But hay, it’s in my jeans

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I saw a guy with down syndrome buying a pair of jeans today.

I thought to myself, "What a greedy bastard, haven't you got enough already?"

I know skinny jeans are fashionable...

But as a slightly chubby man, I just can't seem to be able to pull them off

I like my Friday nights like I like my jeans

high-wasted.

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For someone with a penis, wearing skinny jeans is a lot like living in a cheap mansion...

There's no ballroom.

This year for Christmas you are getting jeans with the pockets cut out.

So you can have clothes and something to play with.

What do Brooklyn and tight jeans have in common?

Flatbush.

A man walks into a bar

A man walks into a bar and asked the bartender for a pint.
While he’s drinking his pint, he here’s a small voice “you’re very handsome”.
He looks around for the source of this voice, but sees nobody near him.
Another few minutes go past and he hears another small voice, “those jeans look re...

Did you know the founder of Levi's supported eugenics?

Yeah, he wanted everyone to have superior jeans.

William Shatner is going to sponsor a new line of women's jeans made to hide adult diapers underneath.

They're going to be called Shatner Pants.

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Scarlett Johansson and some guy were the only survivors of a shipwreck.

They didn't know each other before the shipwreck, but he did know who she was...

At the beginning it was hard, but as time passed, this guy learnt how to provide food and shelter, he started taking care of her, and eventually she started caring about him... after all, there wasn't anybody els...

What did they find under Michael Jackson's pillow?

Billy's Jeans

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