UPJOKE
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Traced Jokes

The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve.

It was an apple but with extremely limited memory. Just 1 byte. And then everything crashed.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's worse than waking up with a penis drawn on your face?

Finding out it was traced

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What's worse than waking up with a dick drawn on your face?

Someone telling you it was traced on.
[edits up: guys i gotta say something - HOLY SHIT MY PHONE EXPLODED FROM REPLIES]
[edits up again: have the credits
https://youtube.com/shorts/hSK1Vyoimps?feature=share this joke was too funny not to tell]

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My friend's surname is Weaver, he's traced his family tree back to ancient cloth merchants.

My surname is Dickinson. I've decided to leave it.

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"Did...did you draw on my face while I was passed out?"

Friend: "Yes, yes I did."

"Why did you draw a dick?"

Friend: "Made me laugh."

"Ha. Well, at least you did an amazing job."

Friend: "Well, I traced it."

There was once a very successful farmer from Texas…

There was once a very successful farmer from Texas who started gaining interest in his ancestry. After doing some digging, he traced his lineage back to a small town in Ireland. And lo and behold, they were a family of farmers. So he packed his bags and took a trip to Ireland to visit the small town...

The origin of CrossFit can be traced all the way back to ancient Rome.

Take Jesus for example, he fit nicely on that cross.

Did you hear about the frog that traced his lineage back to Warsaw?

He was a tad polish.

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HOW I DEALT WITH A TELESALES CALL!

How I dealt with a telesales call recently. My landline rings with caller display showing 0800. as soon as I pick the phone up and before they speak,

"This is a secured government line, how have you got this number? Do not attempt to hang up and stay at your station while the call is traced. ...

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My Pal drew a penis on my face while I was sleeping

I told him he drew it pretty well. He said “thanks I traced it”.

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Not Safe for Work . . . Or Is It?

**He grasped me firmly but gently just above my elbow and guided me into a room, his room.**

**Then he quietly shut the door and we were alone.** **He approached me soundlessly, from behind, and spoke in a low, reassuring voice close to my ear, “Just relax.”**

**Without warning, he re...

Poem

I'm gonna take a moment, so sit and reflect.

Gonna sit here and jot down, before I forget.

Take a second to think of all the things I've felt

My feelings are such a crazy thing to examine

Horse man, got a long a face

To look at the steps that can't be traced
...

A wealthy dude walks into a pet store for people with fat wallets.

He explains that he's looking for a birthday present to his friend. And his friend happen to like birds, so he needs a parrot, a talented one of course.



Store owner says that he's got just a thing and takes him over to a huge stand with three exotic parrots.



"These bird...

A Mexican bandit made a specialty of crossing the Rio Grande from time to time and robbing banks in Texas. The banks offered a reward for his capture, dead or alive, but offered a much larger award for the recovery of the stolen funds.

An enterprising Texas Ranger decided to track him down. After a long and difficult search, he traced the bandit to his home town. On a hunch, he checked the town’s cantina, and sure enough, there was the robber. The only other people in the bar were the bartender and a scrawny, older man at a back t...

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