What do ghost cowboys wear?

BoOoOts

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Me: I've conquered my fear of ghosts!

Therapist: That's the spirit!

Me: Oh fuck where

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what do you call a ghosts boobies?

Paranormal entitties.

Why are ghosts so popular at parties?

Because they always bring the boo's (booze)

Why does Trump hate ghosts?

Because they can go through walls.

What i know about ghost's?

A medium amount of information.

Where do fashionable ghosts shop?

Bootiques.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What is a ghost's favorite type of porn?

Boo-kkake

Alternative punchline: Ghouls Gone Wild

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Sex with ghosts

A professor at Wayne State University in Detroit was giving a lecture on Paranormal Studies. To get a feel for his audience, he asks, "How many people here believe in ghosts?"

About 90 students raise their hands.

"Well, that's a good start. Out of those who believe in ghosts, do an...

I was walking down the street yesterday and bumped into the ghost of a soldier.

I was walking down the street yesterday and bumped into the ghost of a soldier.

Me: But Mr. Ghost how did I hit you? Surely you're non-corporeal.

Ghost: That's Lance-corporeal to you private.

When you're a ghost, you only use 24 letters: abdefghijklmnopqrstvwxyz.

Because no one can c u

What does the ghost call his beloved?

My ghoul-friend.

Do you want to hear a joke about ghosts?

Nevermind, you'd probably just boo me.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

AN IRISH GHOST STORY

This story happened a while ago near Kells, County Meath, and even though it sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock tale... it's true.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
John Reilly, a Cavan man studying in UCD, was on the side of the road hitchhiking back to Dublin on a very dark night and in the midst of a big storm. ...

How do you sneak into a school for ghosts?

Just act super natural.

There was once a friendly mute ghost, ironically named sound.

Sound was a very social ghost so he showed up to several seances, but every time he couldn’t talk to the people who had summoned him because he was mute, but he tried desperately to communicate anyways. He would slam doors and knock over lamps and turn on and off random appliances. After all of that...

Why can't ghost tell lies?

You see right through them

What do you call the skeleton of a ghost?

It remains to be seen

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Sex with ghosts

A spiritualist meeting, and the leader asks the crowd, "Who here believes in ghosts?" Most of the hands go up. "Has anyone here seen a ghost?" Fewer hands go up. "Heard a ghost?" "Smelled a ghost?" "Touched a ghost?" Fewer hands go up each time. Finally, he asks "Has anyone here ever had sex...

What type of facial hair does a ghost have?

A soul patch

My dad told me that colleges are cracking down on ghost-written essays...

I asked, “What about mummy-written essays?”

How does a ghost open locked doors?

With a Spoooooky

Last year, I saw a ghost fly by

And September went really slow

Have you heard about the ghost who can’t reach the top shelf

He could really use a boo st.

What room do ghosts avoid?

...









The living room.

What are the two possible things that can happen when a ghost writer dies?

He becomes a ghost-ghost writer
Or...
Drake's career ends either of the two.

How do you talk to the ghost of a window washer?

With a Squeegee Board

What do you call a pair of drunk ghosts ?

Methalated Spirits

What do you call the ghost of a reindeer that loves you?

Caribou

I tried to teach a ghost addition. Despite its efforts, in the end, it could only add 1 at a time.

I was disappointed, but I guess it's the spirit that counts.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I had to call the doctor to have my dick checked out after the tip turned ghost white one day...

When I called to make the appointment I was asked to describe my issue. I said Well my penis looks like the jokers except smaller and my pubes aren't green.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do ghosts, China, pansexuals and unicorns have in common?

They’re all not real

What’s the male ghosts favorite part of a female ghost?

Her boooooobies.

Did you hear about the drug dealer's ghost?

He was arrested for *possession.*

What is an Australian ghosts favorite pie?

Boo Meringue!

There is no ghost

While visiting a spooky historic house, a lady confided in the guide that she was terrified of ghosts and dreaded meeting one on the tour.
To reassure her, the guide told her that in all the years he had worked at the house, he had never seen a single ghost.
“And how long have you worked h...

What do you call a robbery committed by a ghost?

A polterheist.

What do you call a haunted house, whose ghost could not pay the rent?

Repossessed

Why are ghost parties the best parties?

Because of the wine, beer and spirits

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Did you hear about the ghost that tried out to be a porn star?

She had really nice booooooooobs.

What did the ghost say to the bee?

Boo bee

What are two ghosts up to when they play together?

Pair of normal activity

Happy Halloween

Why are ghosts such bad liars?

You can see right through them.

Why couldn't the guy ghost get the girl ghost pregnant? (This is my annual joke)

Because he had a hollow-weenie

What does a ghost panda eat

BamBOO

Where do ghost babies get their milk from?

BoOoooOooObs

The same ghost spooked me twice

Deja BOO

What's a fat ghost's biggest fear?

Being exercised

What did the cheer leader say to the ghost?

Show your spirit

A ghost knocks at a door...

...and an old woman answers.

The ghost says to her, "I'm here to scare you."

The old woman replies, "Oh no you haint"

Caitlyn Jenners ghost...would she be

Trans-parent

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What type of porn do ghosts most prefer?

BOO-kake

What do ghosts like to eat?

I scream

Where do ghosts do their shopping?

At the Bootique

Why did the man dressed as a ghost get kicked out of the Halloween party?

He showed up sheetfaced.

I went to a meet up for people who cosplay as ghosts the other day.

Not sure why they were burning crosses though.

What do Seattleites call a group of little kids dressed up as ghosts?

A micro-boo-ery!

Did you hear the urban legend about the creepy ghost that appears when you use artificial sweetener?

He's called Splendaman.

A joke from my 4 year old: What do you call accidents made by ghosts?

Boo boos.

I had to close my ghost breeding business

After being convicted of 18 counts of murder

Apparently I was supposed to wait until October 31st to dress up like a ghost.

Guess I spook too soon.

Why are comedians so scared of ghosts?

Because they always BOO.

My wife beleives in ghosts,

I'm just happy to have something to blame my farts on

Ghost babay says

BOo hoo

The ghosts have begun planning for Halloween this year

Beware, they're quite the cunning strategeists

Why are ghosts banned from the liquor store?

Because they would steal all the boos!

Do you want to hear a joke about a ghost?

That's the spirit.


Disclaimer: My girlfriend told me this one and she has repeatedly said it pretty much since last Christmas and stills finds it super amusing.

Do you know why ghosts always have long hair?

Because all the hair salons are closed at night.

Did you hear the joke about the ghost?

It was a piece of sheet.

How Do You Discipline A Ghost?

Corporeal punishment

I owe money to the ghost of a banker.

He tried to repossess my house.

What do you call it when a ghost pees on another ghost?

A ghoulden shower

What do you call a suit that's been tailor-made for a ghost?

Bespook

[OC] What do you call a ghost robbing a bank?

A polter-heist

Why did the ghost walk into the bar?

For the BOOze!!!

(This is my 5-year-olds favorite joke)

What do you call a blind ghost that likes to play piano?

Wraith Charles

One ghost asked another ghost, "what's the most expensive thing you ever bought?"

The other replied, "the farm"

What do you call a ghost that only haunts chicken?

Poultrygeist

Why can't ghosts have babies? [Halloween Joke]

Because they have hollow-weenies!

On the night of his inauguration, Donald Trump is visited by 3 ghosts

Early in the night, FDR appears. Trump asks him "how can I make America great again?"
FDR replies "think only of the people; do not make laws based on hatred, bigotry, or with the thought of lining your own pockets"
Trump's face sours "FAKE NEWS!" he screams and FDR disappears. Trump falls bac...

Why did the ghosts' party end early?

They were all out of boos.

As Halloween Approaches, it's Important to Remember the 'Golden Rule' of Being a Ghost:

Boo unto others as you would have them boo unto you.

What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Massless chaps.

Credit: a student always writes a "joke/pun of the day" on the board every morning. The original punchline was "boo jeans". Other students like to compete throughout the day to come up with a better punchline. I thought this one was so good I'd see if it got any love from redd...

What do ghosts go through when they get older?

Boo-berty.

What do you call a couple of average ghosts?

Paranormals

What is a ghost’s favourite dish?

Ghoulash

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Joke from Ghost Recon

The pentagon said they had too many generals running around, so they decided to get rid of some of them. They offered $10,000 in severance pay for each inch of their body -- to be measured however they chose.

The Air Force general went first. He said he wanted to be measured from his head to ...

What do you call it when a bunch of ghosts slime the same person?

Boo-kkake!!!

What happens when a ghost gets lost in the fog?

He is mist

Why isn't anyone afraid of ghost bees?

Because everyone loves Boo Bees!

I'm sure someone thought of this first but I don't remember hearing it before and it popped into my head.

How do you tell the difference between a boy ghost and a girl ghost?

Their boooobs.

Where do ghosts store their data?

On their terrorbyte hard drives.

Ghosts and fatties are afraid of the same thing.

Getting exorcised

Why can’t a ghost have babies?

Because he has a hollow-weenie.


Just for the fun of spooktober!

Why did the French ghost smell so bad?

He was covered in sheet.

What do you call a Ghost without any Boo’s?

SOBER!

Note: (am Dad) I told this joke to my kids at Olive Garden last night, and an old lady made sure to let me know how corny it was

Hillary Clinton is elected president, . . .

and on the first night she spends in the White House, she is visited by the ghost of George Washington. She asks him, "George, what can I do to best serve the United States?"

The ghost of George Washington responds, "Never tell a lie."

She says, "Oh, I don't think I can do that."
...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A ghost inspector attended our house. My wife and I were sceptical.

We wandered through the dark when suddenly he told us all to stop and stand still. "Is everyone still there?" he asked.

My wife said, "Yes."

I said, "Yes."

Then there was a pause. "Are you there?" I asked the ghost inspector.

No reply.

"Oh my god," I said. "Quick, ...