What is a ghost pirate’s favorite kind of tea?

Boo tea.

(Courtesy of my 6 year old)

The ghost busters enterd the hospital to see their friend who has been diagnosed with cancer

When they walk in they’re stopped by a doctor who says
-Sorry no spawn camping

My house was haunted by the ghost of Leonardo Da Vinci last night

I almost had an art attack.

What do you a call it when one ghosts eats another ghost?

Canni-BOO-lism!

I hate jokes about ghosts.

They have no substance.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Me: I've conquered my fear of ghosts!

Therapist: That's the spirit!

Me: Oh fuck where

What do you get when you have a room full of happy people toasting shot glasses to stoned ghosts?

High Spirits

Why does Trump hate ghosts?

Because they can go through walls.

What do you call the ghost of a homeless man?

A hoboo

I never believed in the after life, spirits or ghosts...

Until I got on dating apps.

What does the ghost of a cow say?

MooooOOOOoooo

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

what do you call a ghosts boobies?

Paranormal entitties.

One day, Putin summons the ghost of Stalin.

"Why is everything here so bad?" asks Putin, "what should I do to fix my country?"

"Execute the government and paint the Kremlin blue" says Stalin.

"Why blue?" asks a perplexed Putin.

"I knew you wouldn't object to the first part" says Stalin.

What do you call it when a ghost goes to the bathroom?

A spooky dookie

What do ghost cowboys wear?

BoOoOts

Why are ghosts so popular at parties?

Because they always bring the boo's (booze)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the difference between penis and ghost peppers?

I hate when I can’t get the taste of ghost peppers out of my mouth.

How do you milk a ghost?

Squeeze their BoOoOoOoOoOoOobs!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sex with ghosts

A professor at Wayne State University in Detroit was giving a lecture on Paranormal Studies. To get a feel for his audience, he asks, "How many people here believe in ghosts?"

About 90 students raise their hands.

"Well, that's a good start. Out of those who believe in ghosts, do an...

what do you call a native american who likes to touch ghosts ?

poke a haunt ass

Q: What do you call a pervy ghost?

A: A peekaboo!

How do you sneak into a school for ghosts?

Just act super natural.

What do you get when you catch a fake ghost?

A handful of sheet.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

AN IRISH GHOST STORY

This story happened a while ago near Kells, County Meath, and even though it sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock tale... it's true.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
John Reilly, a Cavan man studying in UCD, was on the side of the road hitchhiking back to Dublin on a very dark night and in the midst of a big storm. ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is a ghost's favorite type of porn?

Boo-kkake

Alternative punchline: Ghouls Gone Wild

What i know about ghost's?

A medium amount of information.

What does a ghost wear when it's raining outside?

Booooooooooots

Where do fashionable ghosts shop?

Bootiques.

A ghost walked into a bar.

The bartender asks, 'Wow, a ghost? What are you doing here?'
To what the ghost replied, 'I'm here for the BOOs!'

What do you call a woman who ghosts after a one-night stand?

A ding dong ditcher

I saw A ghost Today

Oh, wait... It was my reflection

When you're a ghost, you only use 24 letters: abdefghijklmnopqrstvwxyz.

Because no one can c u

I was walking down the street yesterday and bumped into the ghost of a soldier.

I was walking down the street yesterday and bumped into the ghost of a soldier.

Me: But Mr. Ghost how did I hit you? Surely you're non-corporeal.

Ghost: That's Lance-corporeal to you private.

Why did the two ghost hunters fail at their job?

They were a pair o' normal investigators.

What room do ghosts avoid?

...









The living room.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sex with ghosts

A spiritualist meeting, and the leader asks the crowd, "Who here believes in ghosts?" Most of the hands go up. "Has anyone here seen a ghost?" Fewer hands go up. "Heard a ghost?" "Smelled a ghost?" "Touched a ghost?" Fewer hands go up each time. Finally, he asks "Has anyone here ever had sex...

There was once a friendly mute ghost, ironically named sound.

Sound was a very social ghost so he showed up to several seances, but every time he couldn’t talk to the people who had summoned him because he was mute, but he tried desperately to communicate anyways. He would slam doors and knock over lamps and turn on and off random appliances. After all of that...

Why can't ghost tell lies?

You see right through them

What do you call the skeleton of a ghost?

It remains to be seen

What type of facial hair does a ghost have?

A soul patch

How does a ghost open locked doors?

With a Spoooooky

My dad told me that colleges are cracking down on ghost-written essays...

I asked, “What about mummy-written essays?”

Do you want to hear a joke about ghosts?

Nevermind, you'd probably just boo me.

Have you heard about the ghost who can’t reach the top shelf

He could really use a boo st.

How did the ghost say goodbye to the vampire?

“So long, sucker!”

What are the two possible things that can happen when a ghost writer dies?

He becomes a ghost-ghost writer
Or...
Drake's career ends either of the two.

How do you talk to the ghost of a window washer?

With a Squeegee Board

What is an Australian ghosts favorite pie?

Boo Meringue!

Did you hear about the drug dealer's ghost?

He was arrested for *possession.*

I tried to teach a ghost addition. Despite its efforts, in the end, it could only add 1 at a time.

I was disappointed, but I guess it's the spirit that counts.

What do you call a pair of drunk ghosts ?

Methalated Spirits

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do ghosts, China, pansexuals and unicorns have in common?

They’re all not real

What do you call the ghost of a reindeer that loves you?

Caribou

What’s the male ghosts favorite part of a female ghost?

Her boooooobies.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I had to call the doctor to have my dick checked out after the tip turned ghost white one day...

When I called to make the appointment I was asked to describe my issue. I said Well my penis looks like the jokers except smaller and my pubes aren't green.

There is no ghost

While visiting a spooky historic house, a lady confided in the guide that she was terrified of ghosts and dreaded meeting one on the tour.
To reassure her, the guide told her that in all the years he had worked at the house, he had never seen a single ghost.
“And how long have you worked h...

What does a ghost panda eat

BamBOO

What do you call a robbery committed by a ghost?

A polterheist.

Why are ghost parties the best parties?

Because of the wine, beer and spirits

What are two ghosts up to when they play together?

Pair of normal activity

Happy Halloween

Why couldn't the guy ghost get the girl ghost pregnant? (This is my annual joke)

Because he had a hollow-weenie

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Ghost Penis...

you'll never see it cumming.

What do you call a haunted house, whose ghost could not pay the rent?

Repossessed

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the ghost that tried out to be a porn star?

She had really nice booooooooobs.

The same ghost spooked me twice

Deja BOO

Where do ghost babies get their milk from?

BoOoooOooObs

Why did the Ghost of the Pin-the-tail-on-the Donkey go to Bevmo?

Because they retail spirits.

(My 9-year-old came up with this, be kind)

Why are ghosts such bad liars?

You can see right through them.

Caitlyn Jenners ghost...would she be

Trans-parent

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What type of porn do ghosts most prefer?

BOO-kake

What do ghosts like to eat?

I scream

What's a fat ghost's biggest fear?

Being exercised

A ghost knocks at a door...

...and an old woman answers.

The ghost says to her, "I'm here to scare you."

The old woman replies, "Oh no you haint"

What did the cheer leader say to the ghost?

Show your spirit

Ghost babay says

BOo hoo

Why did the man dressed as a ghost get kicked out of the Halloween party?

He showed up sheetfaced.

A joke from my 4 year old: What do you call accidents made by ghosts?

Boo boos.

Did you hear the urban legend about the creepy ghost that appears when you use artificial sweetener?

He's called Splendaman.

Apparently I was supposed to wait until October 31st to dress up like a ghost.

Guess I spook too soon.

My wife beleives in ghosts,

I'm just happy to have something to blame my farts on

I went to a meet up for people who cosplay as ghosts the other day.

Not sure why they were burning crosses though.

Why are ghosts banned from the liquor store?

Because they would steal all the boos!

On the night of his inauguration, Donald Trump is visited by 3 ghosts

Early in the night, FDR appears. Trump asks him "how can I make America great again?"
FDR replies "think only of the people; do not make laws based on hatred, bigotry, or with the thought of lining your own pockets"
Trump's face sours "FAKE NEWS!" he screams and FDR disappears. Trump falls bac...

Do you want to hear a joke about a ghost?

That's the spirit.


Disclaimer: My girlfriend told me this one and she has repeatedly said it pretty much since last Christmas and stills finds it super amusing.

I had to close my ghost breeding business

After being convicted of 18 counts of murder

The ghosts have begun planning for Halloween this year

Beware, they're quite the cunning strategeists

[OC] What do you call a ghost robbing a bank?

A polter-heist

Did you hear the joke about the ghost?

It was a piece of sheet.

Why are comedians so scared of ghosts?

Because they always BOO.

Do you know why ghosts always have long hair?

Because all the hair salons are closed at night.

How Do You Discipline A Ghost?

Corporeal punishment

Why did the ghost walk into the bar?

For the BOOze!!!

(This is my 5-year-olds favorite joke)

What do you call a suit that's been tailor-made for a ghost?

Bespook

I owe money to the ghost of a banker.

He tried to repossess my house.

One ghost asked another ghost, "what's the most expensive thing you ever bought?"

The other replied, "the farm"

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