What is a ghost pirate’s favorite kind of tea?

Boo tea.

(Courtesy of my 6 year old)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was visited by the ghost of Gloria Gaynor last night.

At first I was afraid. I was petrified.

What room doesn’t have ghosts?

Living room.

Why do ghosts love elevators?

It lifts their spirits.

I heard that alcoholism is a big problem in the ghost community…

They are all really into boos

What do you call it when a ghost farts?

It passed ghast

How does the ghost of Adele scare people?

She sneaks up on them and says hello from the other side.

I just found out my girlfriend is a ghost.

To be honest, I had my suspicions the moment she walked through the door.

Why did the ghost get arrested?

For possession

How do ghosts obtain money?

Via a polterheist. Ouch, the downvotes!

Why does a ghost throw himself off of a bridge?

Banshee jumping

A man's car gets haunted by a ghost

So he decided to go to a priest to get it removed.

The priest performs the exorcism, and it works! He successfully removes the ghost from the car. He says to the man "That'll be $250." The man refuses to pay, and so a couple weeks later his car gets repossessed.

If a Ghost Rider should be called Daredevil, and Daredevil should be called Batman, what should Batman be called?

Inspector Gadget

What kind of car does a ghost drive?

A Boogatti!

So this guy tried convincing me he was a ghost.

But i saw right through him.

Who was the most frustrated ghost in the world?

The one that haunted Helen Keller’s house.

Do you like jokes about Ghosts?, Yes?

That’s the spirit!

Why do medieval ghosts refuse to stop at McDonald's?

They prefer Wight Castle.

Why was the ghost progressive?

Because he had transparents.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Last week I told a therapist that I was trying to overcome my fear of ghosts.

His answer left me scared since then.


"That's the spirit."

A dwarf who can talk to ghosts escaped from prison.

The police alert said “There’s a small medium at large.”

What kind of cars do ghosts drive?

Boo-gattis.

Do you want to hear a joke about ghosts?

That's the spirit.

What do you call a ghost with fancy stuff

Boougie

What did the Spanish ghost have for breakfast?

A bowl of ethereal...

I once told a bad joke about ghosts

It still haunts me to this day.

If a bank gets robbed by ghosts,

then it’s a Polterheist.

How can you tell a girl ghost from a boy ghost?

Boooooooobs!



You’re welcome.

Happy Halloween everybody!

Why are ghosts bad at lying ?

Because you can see right through them.

What you call a house with a Mexican and American ghost?

A Juan-Ted house

My dad returned from my grandmas house as a ghost

Dad: Christianity is real, and i'm the new god!

Me: wait, why are you dead?

Dad: some redneck blasted me with his shotgun on my way home!

Me: and how are you the new god?

Dad: i'm a father, son, and a holey spirit

I once saw a ghost made of chocolate and vanilla

Ice creamed

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is the best part about having sex with a ghost?

The phantasm.

What did the ghost say after he went to the opera and found the performance to be subpar?

Boo!

What do you call someone with a lisp who murders angels and ghosts?

Ethereal killer

Fred: he was dressing up as a ghost and scaring people away from the old fun park

**cop:** that's actually not illegal but tell me about the talking dog

What do fat ghosts need to do to lose weight?

Exorcise

What does an Australian ghost eat for dessert?

Boo meringue

What should you feed a ghost to make them happy?

Goulash

What is the proper name for the ghost of a buffalo?

A booffalo.

Why are all ghosts considered alcoholics?

Because they bring Boos everywhere they go!

what is the difference between a sad ghost and an angry cow?

one boos sadly the other moos madly

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Guy giving a lecture, on the paranormal.

Guy: "How many people believe in Ghosts?"

About 60 hands go up.

"How many have seen a ghost.?"

About 15 hands go up.

"How many have of you have spoken to a ghost.?"

3 hands go up.

"How many have had sex with a ghost?"

One hand goes up, Abdul right at ...

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Typical, I go to buy sexy underwear for a ghost.

And all they have is baguettes.

What kind of stones does a ghost use for jewellery?

Tombstones

Just figured out that ghosts are . . . . .

people who died trying to fold a fitted sheet.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is the difference between a male and a female ghost?

A female ghosts has BOObs

"do you believe in ghosts?"

**Me:** lol no— even my grandma says that's dumb

"dude your grandma died 10 years ago"

**Me:** what?!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do ghost dogs always haunt us by dragging their butts across the ground?

They have unfinished business.

Two ghosts were sharing stories of their deaths.

Juan asked first, "What killed you?"

"I was locked inside a fridge," Pedro said, "I was cold and trembling, then suffocated after an hour."

"That sucks man," replied Juan. "I got a heart attack and passed away."

"What happened?", asked Pedro.

"As I got...

Why did the judge deny the ghost bail?

Too much of a fright risk.

What is a popular search engine for ghosts?

Ghoul-gle!

What did the carpenter say when noone believed they'd seen a ghost?

"I know what I saw."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

scooby-doo: it’s a g-g-g-ghost!

**ghost:** holy fuck a talking dog!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Here It Is! The Poopie list!

Ghost Poopie--The kind where you feel the poopie come out, but there is no poopie in the toilet.

Clean Poopie--The kind where you poopie it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper.

Wet Poopie--The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it still feels unw...

what do ghosts read?

booooooks

I found a ghost who wanted to pose for a photo for me! Unfortunately, it came out horribly underexposed.

The spirit was willing, but the flash was weak.

What do I have in common with ghosts?

Only naive people believe in me :<

There is no such color as Ghostly yellow!

It is just a pigment of your imagination!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Friendly Ghost

A Ghost hunter is travelling the world doing lectures and meet and greets trying to get more people interested in the paranormal.

He's been told that his presentations are boring and lack a certain x factor.

He decides to start his next lecture a little differently and begins by saying...

What do you call a chicken that is a ghost?

a poultrygeist


Ill be taking my downvotes in advance thanks

Two guys left the bar after a long night of drinking, jumped in the car and started it up. After a couple of minutes, an old man appeared in the passenger window and tapped lightly. The passenger screamed, "Look at the window. There's an old ghost's face there!"

The driver sped up, but the old man's face stayed in the window. The passenger rolled his window down part way and, scared out of his wits, said, "What do you want?" The old man softly replied, "You got any tobacco?" The passenger handed the old man a cigarette and yelled, "Step on it," to the drive...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do ghosts like to ride the elevator?

It lifts their spirits
happy spoopy day

What room is useless for a ghost?

A living room xD

What does a ghost take when they have acid reflux?

Phan-Tums

What is a ghost's favourite exercise?

Deadlifting

In the middle of the night, a taxi driver picked up a lone woman

It's pitch black outside and the woman is otherworldly beautiful. The taxi driver just started doing night shifts and he suddenly remembered all the stories about ghost women seducing young men at night which made him very nervous. Aside from giving an address, the woman was silent the whole way. As...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I watch ghost videos whenever i take a poo

They scare the shit out of me

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A man walking home late one night from the pub..

Decides to take a shortcut through the cemetery. He’s walking through then starts hearing a tapping noise. He gets a little scared and speeds up but the tapping seems to get louder and closer so he starts running and dodging around gravestones but the tapping gets louder.

He runs round a larg...

If your only friend is ghosting you...

Who you gonna call?

I joined a Christian dating site

And got Holy Ghosted

My grandfather could communicate with ghosts, who would often ask him about his clothes sizing.

He was a medium.

Where do baby ghosts go when their parents are at work?

To day-scare!

A vampire, a zombie, and a ghost are at a party.

The ghost gets something to eat, then immediately asks the zombie where the bathroom is. The ghost does his business, and returns to get some more food. He has some more to eat, then excuses himself to the restroom with the vampire. When he gets back, the zombie asks if the ghost is fe all right. ...

It must really suck being a ghost who has to haunt the oceans

You gotta go through a lot of hard ships just to do your job

Why is Mario so scared of Spanish ghosts?

He’s been playing with “La Ouija” too much.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s a ghosts favorite type of porn?

Boo-kakke

What is a ghosts favorite kind of dessert?

What is a ghosts favorite kind of dessert?

Boo-berry pie!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A burly sailor gets brought into an infirmary staffed by a bunch of postulate nuns, girls barely 18 preparing to become full nuns, and of course, supervised by a few gruff looking nuns.

Being good Catholics in a small Newfoundland seaside town, such oddities rarely found their way to their front door. The elder nuns insisted that only they would attend to him. The next evening there was a crash and a scream!! The sister ran out the door as fast as she could.

Sister Marry Cla...

I have an old wine barrel that is haunted by the ghost of a pirate. The ghost is quite friendly and really enjoys when you memorise passages from one of the Harry Potter books and then lean into the barrel and recite the passage.

Sure, its unusual, but don't read too much into it.

What’s a ghost cow say?

“Moo” silly it’s still a cow.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a ghost who thinks he can singlehandedly unload fear upon the face of the Earth?

Boo cocky

What's a female ghost's most attractive feature?

Her BOO-bies!




>!Oh come on, it's funny...!<

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Three Stooges are spending the night in a haunted house... and get up to their usual eye-poking, nyuk-nyuking, slapstick shenanigans. In the middle of the pie fight, a poltergeist appears. Curly throws a cream pie and it turns around in midair and smacks him right in the face!

He turns to Moe and says, "Hey, I think that ghost must have been from Australia."
"Oh yeah, why?"
"Because it just threw a Boo-Meringue at me!"

Why was the ghost sad on Christmas Day?

Because he had no presence.

...sorry

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does a ghost say when he doesn’t believe you?

Ghoulshit!

People claim ghosts are real...

But I’ve lived in this house for 527 years and I’ve never seen one.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a ghost poop?

A spookie dookie

For my birthday I bought a pair of ghost bumblee earrings.

This way my face can always be between a pair of boo-bees.

Why can't ghosts have babies?

Because they have hollow weenies.

What does a ghost of Christmas past never get?

A present.

I ate a ghost once. I wouldn't recommended it.

Tasted like sheet.

Happy Halloween, everyone!

Why do ghosts love health food

Because it’s super natural

Why was the ghost depressed?

Because it was a nobody

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the horny English speaking ghost say to the hive?

Boo bees!

[NSFW] What’s Another Name For A Necrophiliac?

Ghost Rider

A cop pulls over a car.

He goes up to the window and finds a little old lady in the driver seat. The cop say "Ma'am the reason I pulled you over is because you were driving well below the speed limit and causing a long line of traffic to back up. It's very unsafe."

The lady replied "No officer. The sign back there s...

"Scary Snack" - A joke told like a horror story

After just arriving to his new home, little 7 year old Johnny was so excited. He just couldn't wait to run inside, find his new room and start unpacking all of his toys.

The afternoon passes, dinner is eaten, and the majority of essentials are where they are needing to be. His parents help hi...

Why did the ghost go to jail?

For giving boos to children

Dickens: I wrote a book about ghosts

**Publisher:** we need a christmas book

**Dickens:** *[adding, like, 4 words]* I wrote a book about christmas ghosts

You hear about the girl-ghost who got accused of getting breast implants?

So rude. Everyone knows she’s got super-naturals.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

We have ghosts in house

\- "I went last night to the bathroom and light turns on by itself. I finish peeing and go out only for the light to turn off by itself too."

\- "Idiot! You pissed in the fridge again."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My roommates keep saying that the house is haunted by a ghost

How many times do I have to tell these fuckers I’m a phantom.

"So I matched with this cute guy on Tinder last night, and we started chatting and sending each other memes and little animations. But then he mentioned that he was an exchange student from Athens, so I ghosted him." "Why?"

"My daddy always told me, 'Beware the Greeks bearing gifs.'"

Why did the ghost go into the bar?

For the boos!!!!

Happy Halloween redditors!!!

The ghost of Soviet dictator Joseph Stalin...

appears before Russian president Vladimir Putin and says, “I’ve got two pieces of advice for you; kill your political opponents and paint the Kremlin blue.”

Putin ponders this for awhile, then replies, “Why blue?”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

On Christmas I was just minding my own business when I was visited by a few ghosts.

The plot Dickens.

How was a ghost caught in a human party?

He yelled: "Dance til' ya drop dead again!'

Priest calls a town meeting about rumors of ghosts... (long)

In a small rural town rumors start to spread that people are seeing ghosts, so the new and inexperienced priest hears about these rumors and decides to call a town meeting to get to the bottom of these rumors. After everyone arrives the priest then starts the meeting with a question: "Who here has s...

Why don't Monsters eat Ghosts?

They taste like sheet!!

Have y'all heard about this new app that lets you see ghosts?

It's called Tinder

What are ghosts favorite thing to read?

BOOks

Drax, John Cena, and a ghost are standing in a bar.

Oh, sorry. Correction: , , and a are standing in a bar.

There's a new type of stone which turns Eevee into a Ghost-type

It's called a brick.

What does a ghost do when it gets upset?

Loses its sheet!

What do you call a iceberg in a ghost sheet?

A polargeist

They finally got rid of the ghost that was haunting my local pub.

I guess he overdid it with the boos

What did the doctor say to the ghost?

You’re not getting enough exorcise

What happened when the ghost couldn't make it to the bathroom?

He sheet himself!

What are epileptic ghosts made of?

Ectospasm

What religion do ghosts adhere to?

Boodhism

Never trust a ghost when it says "i love you"..

It was just the boos talking

What did the ghost teacher say to the class?

Look at the board and I’ll go through it again.

Who let the ghosts out?!

Boo, boo-boo-boo.

Three days ago, in the midst of the coronavirus pandemic, Donald Trump was visited by the ghost of George Washington.

"George," Trump asked, "how can I fix this? How do I make America great again?"

"Never tell a lie."

"I don't lie. Go away."

Two days ago, he was visited by the ghost of Thomas Jefferson.

"Hey, Tom, how do I fix this? How can I make America great again?"

"Listen to ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you say when a ghost makes you orgasm?

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!

Credit to my bff.

The preacher and the ghost.

A new preacher wanted to rent a house in the country but the only one available was rumored to be haunted. That didn’t bother the preacher since he didn’t believe in such things. He went ahead and rented the place.

Soon the ghost made its appearance. The preacher told his friends about the gh...

Where do ghosts deposit their mail?

The Ghost Office!

What do you call an Italian ghost?

A Gabba Ghoul

Why did the ghost's girlfriend break up with him?

She found out about his side boos!

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