What is a ghost pirate’s favorite kind of tea?

Boo tea.

(Courtesy of my 6 year old)

Why do ghosts love elevators?

It lifts their spirits.

What does a ghost put on his bagel?

Scream cheese

What room doesn’t have ghosts?

Living room.

How do ghosts obtain money?

Via a polterheist. Ouch, the downvotes!

There has never been a ghost sighting in Finland

All the ghosts who died there went on to the afterlife due to them having no un-Finnish-ed business.

Why wouldn’t the bartender give a ghost a drink?

Because they didn’t serve spirits.

How do ghosts get drunk?

They drink spirits

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Ghost of Kiev is on leave when he meets a beautiful lady.

The Ghost of Kiev is on leave when he meets a beautiful lady. Kissing passionately, the beautiful woman is stunned when the Ghost of Kiev starts pouring Red Wine on her lips.

*”What are you doing?”* She asked.

“I am the Ghost of Kiev. When my lips touch Red Meat, I have Red Wine!”
<...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is a ghost’s favorite porn category?

Booooookake.

How does a ghost woman scare her victims?

With her boooooobies


Sorry, wanted to share this awful pun-joke. It's amazing!

EDIT: Thanks for voting this up to hot! Have a lovely and scary Halloween!
Take care everyone!

I've just found out my wife is really a ghost.

To be honest, I had my suspicions from the moment she walked through the door.

Why does slain Russian soldiers not turn into ghosts

It is against the law to be trans-parent

I’ve always suspected my girlfriend was a ghost.

These suspicions started every since she walked through the door.

Ghost in the bathroom

One late night, after a drunken revelry, I silently slid into my bed and got a sudden urge to pee.

As I opened the bathroom door the light came on by itself.

I got scared and returned to bed, but unable to control the urge, ventured forth again. The light came on again and scared me ba...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why is the final ghost of Christmas so horny?

Because he's the ghost yet to come

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call Viagra for ghosts?

Specter erector.

How do ghosts feed their newborns?

With their bOoOoOobs

The local ghost whisperer took an unknown amount of her antidepressants this morning

We were worried she took too many or too few, but thankfully it was a happy medium

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a ghost’s breasts?

Paranormal entitties.

Why are ghosts such bad liars?

Because they are easy to see through.

Why don't monsters eat ghosts?

Because they taste like sheet.

Why did the ghost go to the bar?

For the boos

How do you talk to Italian ghosts?

With a Luigi board.

What do you call it when a ghost feels like it’s haunted the same house before?

De ja Boo!

A dwarf who can talk to ghosts escaped from prison.

The police alert said “There’s a small medium at large.”

I once told a bad joke about ghosts

It still haunts me to this day.

Why weren’t the ghost parents accepted in the new housing complex?

Because they were Trans-parent

A ghost sits down at a restaurant table and orders a burger and a drink.

He confirms his order and the waiter asks him 'Do you want frights with that?'

So I saw this ghost today and...

The ghost was sad, told him a joke, lifted up his spirits. But I was sad after realizing that this joke is dead

Why don’t ghosts go out in public?

Because they look like sheet

What do you call ghost bees?

Boo Bees

What type of Bee gives milk?

Boo-bees

What Do Ghosts Do In Their Free Time?

Exorcise

(OC) I always wanted to be a ghost for Halloween

Mom thought it was a good idea because when I was up to something she could see right through me, but Dad said I was too dense.

How can you tell a girl ghost from a boy ghost?

Boooooooobs!



You’re welcome.

Happy Halloween everybody!

A man's car gets haunted by a ghost

So he decided to go to a priest to get it removed.

The priest performs the exorcism, and it works! He successfully removes the ghost from the car. He says to the man "That'll be $250." The man refuses to pay, and so a couple weeks later his car gets repossessed.

I heard that alcoholism is a big problem in the ghost community…

They are all really into boos

What kind of car does a ghost drive?

A Boogatti!

What's the first thing in organized ghost does in the morning?

Makes a to boo list

What kind of magic do ghosts do?

Boodoo

What do you get when you cross a chicken and a ghost?

A poultry-geist!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was visited by the ghost of Gloria Gaynor last night.

She ended up being friendly, but upon seeing her, at first I was afraid, I was petrified.

What do you call a group of religious ghosts?

Occult

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer see's a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!

So he turns on his lights
and pulls the driver over.

Approaching the car, he notices that there are five
old ladies, two in the front seat and three in the
back, wide eyed and white as ghosts.

The driver, obviously confused, says to him,
"Officer, I don't understand, I was ...

Why can't ghosts reproduce?

Because they have hollow weenies!

Happy Spooktober!

Two ghosts were arguing...

Two ghosts had gone out for dinner at the pub and were having a great time until politics were brought up. Things got heated fast and the barman came over to the table to sort things out. Trouble was, the barman couldn't help either ghost see the others perspective mainly because he couldn't communi...

What motorcycles do ghosts prefer?

A boocati.

What do you call a gang of ghosts?

A hauntourage ~

happy spooky season haha

What does an exorcist do when his clients won't pay up?

He gets the ghosts to repossess the house.

What kind of vaccinations are required for ghosts?

"Boo"ster shots!

How does a programmer ghost scare people?

It yells “BOOLEAN”

If a Ghost Rider should be called Daredevil, and Daredevil should be called Batman, what should Batman be called?

Inspector Gadget

What do you call it when a ghost farts?

It passed ghast

What kind of key does a ghost use?

a spoo-key

Why couldn't the redneck dress as a ghost for Halloween?

His daddy had already taken all the white sheets.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call ghost cum?

Ectogasm

Why can’t ghosts have babies?

cause they have halloweenies.


aka. my favorite joke in seventh grade.

Why did the ghost go to beauty school?

It wanted to open up a boo-tique

I don't believe in ghosts....

I think if they were real, they'd be more transparent about it.

Of course Ghosts have WiFi by now

Just think about how many dead routers there are out there!

Why does a ghost throw himself off of a bridge?

Banshee jumping

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Last week I told a therapist that I was trying to overcome my fear of ghosts.

His answer left me scared since then.


"That's the spirit."

What kind of cars do ghosts drive?

Boo-gattis.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My grandad sent me this

Enjoy the fun & the pun.



Q: Can February March?

A: No. But April May!



Q: Did you hear about the painter who was hospitalised?

A: Reports say it was due to too many strokes!



Q: Have you heard the joke about the butter?

A: I better ...

How does the ghost of Adele scare people?

She sneaks up on them and says hello from the other side.

So this guy tried convincing me he was a ghost.

But i saw right through him.

What do you call a Christian Mingle date who never returned your message?

The Holy Ghost.

Baseball in Heaven

Steven and Richard are two old roommates who have always loved baseball.

Together, they make an arrangement. Since they're not getting any younger, the first one to die has to let the other know if there is baseball in heaven.

Specifically, a year after his death, he will sit on the do...

Who was the most frustrated ghost in the world?

The one that haunted Helen Keller’s house.

Why do medieval ghosts refuse to stop at McDonald's?

They prefer Wight Castle.

I once saw a ghost made of chocolate and vanilla

Ice creamed

A man was driving in a deserted road at night, when suddenly his car starts to cough and splutter as the engine dies

He is forced to pull over to the side of the road in the complete darkness and silence of the night. He grabs his flashlight and pops the hood to see if there's anything he can do to get it going again. Unfortunately, he can't seem to figure out what's wrong with it and he starts to get anxious.
...

What did the Spanish ghost have for breakfast?

A bowl of ethereal...

Do you want to hear a joke about ghosts?

That's the spirit.

What do you call a ghost with fancy stuff

Boougie

What should you feed a ghost to make them happy?

Goulash

If a bank gets robbed by ghosts,

then it’s a Polterheist.

Why was the ghost progressive?

Because he had transparents.

Bill and Joe were best friends...

Bill and Joe were best friends since they were kids and had always shared an extreme love of baseball. One day, when Bill was on his deathbed, Joe asked him to find a way to tell him if there was baseball in heaven. Bill promised he would.

A few months after Bill had died, Joe woke up in his ...

what is the difference between a sad ghost and an angry cow?

one boos sadly the other moos madly

Stalin appears in Putin's dream...

Stalin's ghost appears to Putin in a dream, and Putin asks for his help running the country.

Stalin says "Round up and shoot all the democrats, and then paint the inside of the Kremlin blue."

"Why blue?" Putin asks.

"Ha!" says Stalin. "I knew you wouldn't ask me about the first ...

What do you call someone with a lisp who murders angels and ghosts?

Ethereal killer

What do fat ghosts need to do to lose weight?

Exorcise

What did the ghost say after he went to the opera and found the performance to be subpar?

Boo!

Two guys left the bar after a long night of drinking, jumped in the car and started it up. After a couple of minutes, an old man appeared in the passenger window and tapped lightly. The passenger screamed, "Look at the window. There's an old ghost's face there!"

The driver sped up, but the old man's face stayed in the window. The passenger rolled his window down part way and, scared out of his wits, said, "What do you want?" The old man softly replied, "You got any tobacco?" The passenger handed the old man a cigarette and yelled, "Step on it," to the drive...

Why did the judge deny the ghost bail?

Too much of a fright risk.

"do you believe in ghosts?"

**Me:** lol no— even my grandma says that's dumb

"dude your grandma died 10 years ago"

**Me:** what?!

What is the proper name for the ghost of a buffalo?

A booffalo.

It was a tough Halloween this year..

I staked 5 vampires, beheaded 3 zombies and exorcised 8 ghosts.

Then the wife came out screaming something about
"No, no you give them candy!!!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is the difference between a male and a female ghost?

A female ghosts has BOObs

Speeding Car

A cop is doing is regular routine, driving on the highway when he spots a car going 95 miles per hours.

He finally catches up with the vehicle and pulls it over, and both vehicles come to a complete stop at the side of the highway. As the cop walks towards the vehicle, on the back seat, he sp...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

scooby-doo: it’s a g-g-g-ghost!

**ghost:** holy fuck a talking dog!

Fred: he was dressing up as a ghost and scaring people away from the old fun park

**cop:** that's actually not illegal but tell me about the talking dog

What does the ghost of a panda bear eat?

Bambooooo.

A blind guy and a hunchback…

A blind guy and a hunchback were drinking in a bar. The hunchback suddenly remembered he promised his wife he would be home before midnight. So he rushes home, taking a shortcut through the cementery.

While walking through this cemetery he suddenly hears: “BOO, i am a ghost, what’s on you bac...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Typical, I go to buy sexy underwear for a ghost.

And all they have is baguettes.

What do you call a chicken that is a ghost?

a poultrygeist


Ill be taking my downvotes in advance thanks

What is a popular search engine for ghosts?

Ghoul-gle!

what do ghosts read?

booooooks

Just figured out that ghosts are . . . . .

people who died trying to fold a fitted sheet.

My grandfather could communicate with ghosts, who would often ask him about his clothes sizing.

He was a medium.

My dad returned from my grandmas house as a ghost

Dad: Christianity is real, and i'm the new god!

Me: wait, why are you dead?

Dad: some redneck blasted me with his shotgun on my way home!

Me: and how are you the new god?

Dad: i'm a father, son, and a holey spirit

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do ghost dogs always haunt us by dragging their butts across the ground?

They have unfinished business.

I found a ghost who wanted to pose for a photo for me! Unfortunately, it came out horribly underexposed.

The spirit was willing, but the flash was weak.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do ghosts like to ride the elevator?

It lifts their spirits
happy spoopy day

What room is useless for a ghost?

A living room xD

Why is it cheaper to throw a party in a haunted house?

Because the ghosts will bring the boos

Two ghosts were sharing stories of their deaths.

Juan asked first, "What killed you?"

"I was locked inside a fridge," Pedro said, "I was cold and trembling, then suffocated after an hour."

"That sucks man," replied Juan. "I got a heart attack and passed away."

"What happened?", asked Pedro.

"As I got...

What is a ghosts favorite kind of dessert?

What is a ghosts favorite kind of dessert?

Boo-berry pie!

What do I have in common with ghosts?

Only naive people believe in me :<

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Friendly Ghost

A Ghost hunter is travelling the world doing lectures and meet and greets trying to get more people interested in the paranormal.

He's been told that his presentations are boring and lack a certain x factor.

He decides to start his next lecture a little differently and begins by saying...

There is no such color as Ghostly yellow!

It is just a pigment of your imagination!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I watch ghost videos whenever i take a poo

They scare the shit out of me

What's a female ghost's most attractive feature?

Her BOO-bies!




>!Oh come on, it's funny...!<

What did the carpenter say when noone believed they'd seen a ghost?

"I know what I saw."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does a ghost say when he doesn’t believe you?

Ghoulshit!

I have an old wine barrel that is haunted by the ghost of a pirate. The ghost is quite friendly and really enjoys when you memorise passages from one of the Harry Potter books and then lean into the barrel and recite the passage.

Sure, its unusual, but don't read too much into it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a ghost poop?

A spookie dookie

Why is Mario so scared of Spanish ghosts?

He’s been playing with “La Ouija” too much.

Why do ghosts love health food

Because it’s super natural

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It's hard to keep a girlfriend when you suffer from premature ejaculation.

Easy cum, easy ghost.

If your only friend is ghosting you...

Who you gonna call?

Three days ago, in the midst of the coronavirus pandemic, Donald Trump was visited by the ghost of George Washington.

"George," Trump asked, "how can I fix this? How do I make America great again?"

"Never tell a lie."

"I don't lie. Go away."

Two days ago, he was visited by the ghost of Thomas Jefferson.

"Hey, Tom, how do I fix this? How can I make America great again?"

"Listen to ...

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