What is a ghost pirate’s favorite kind of tea?

Boo tea.

(Courtesy of my 6 year old)

Why are ghosts terrible at lying?

Because you can see right through them.

What is a lewd ghost's favourite type of tea?

Boo - tea

Where do Russians send their ghosts?

To the Ghooouuulllll-lag

What room do ghosts avoid?

The living room.

Why was the ghost an alcoholic?

Because he likes boo's!

One day, Putin summons the ghost of Stalin.

He asks him, "Why is everything here so bad? What should I do to make Russia great again?"

Stalin replies, "Execute most of the government and paint the Kremlin blue."

"Why blue?" asks a perplexed Putin.

"I knew you wouldn't object to the first part," says Stalin.

The ghost busters enterd the hospital to see their friend who has been diagnosed with cancer

When they walk in they’re stopped by a doctor who says
-Sorry no spawn camping

A ghost walks into a bar

The bartender says "sorry we dont serve spirits"

What does a ghost take when he has acid reflux?

Phan-tums

What do you call a mean ghost?

A boo-lly

I got my friend a ghost for Christmas..

It wasn't really a surprise as he had already felt the presence.

What sound does a Gen Z ghost make?

uwuuuuu

Is it ethical to consume a ghost?

I don’t want to eat something if it will come back to haunt me

Where does a Ghost go to get it's teeth worked on?













The Orthohauntist!

I hate jokes about ghosts.

They have no substance.

My house was haunted by the ghost of Leonardo Da Vinci last night

I almost had an art attack.

What do you a call it when one ghosts eats another ghost?

Canni-BOO-lism!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Me: I've conquered my fear of ghosts!

Therapist: That's the spirit!

Me: Oh fuck where

What do ghost cowboys wear?

BoOoOts

What do you call it when a ghost goes to the bathroom?

A spooky dookie

What do you call a jalapeño that disappears on you?

A ghost pepper

Why does Trump hate ghosts?

Because they can go through walls.

Wanna hear a joke about ghosts?

Them: sure

Me: that's the spirit

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sex with ghosts

A professor at Wayne State University in Detroit was giving a lecture on Paranormal Studies. To get a feel for his audience, he asks, "How many people here believe in ghosts?"

About 90 students raise their hands.

"Well, that's a good start. Out of those who believe in ghosts, do an...

Have you heard about the childless ghost who just wanted to be noticed?

They never became apparent.

What does the ghost of a cow say?

MooooOOOOoooo

What do you call the ghost of a homeless man?

A hoboo

What do you get when you have a room full of happy people toasting shot glasses to stoned ghosts?

High Spirits

How do you sneak into a school for ghosts?

Just act super natural.

Why are ghosts so popular at parties?

Because they always bring the boo's (booze)

I never believed in the after life, spirits or ghosts...

Until I got on dating apps.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

what do you call a ghosts boobies?

Paranormal entitties.

What do you get when you catch a fake ghost?

A handful of sheet.

How do you milk a ghost?

Squeeze their BoOoOoOoOoOoOobs!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

AN IRISH GHOST STORY

This story happened a while ago near Kells, County Meath, and even though it sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock tale... it's true.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
John Reilly, a Cavan man studying in UCD, was on the side of the road hitchhiking back to Dublin on a very dark night and in the midst of a big storm. ...

What i know about ghost's?

A medium amount of information.

what do you call a native american who likes to touch ghosts ?

poke a haunt ass

Q: What do you call a pervy ghost?

A: A peekaboo!

Where do fashionable ghosts shop?

Bootiques.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is a ghost's favorite type of porn?

Boo-kkake

Alternative punchline: Ghouls Gone Wild

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sex with ghosts

A spiritualist meeting, and the leader asks the crowd, "Who here believes in ghosts?" Most of the hands go up. "Has anyone here seen a ghost?" Fewer hands go up. "Heard a ghost?" "Smelled a ghost?" "Touched a ghost?" Fewer hands go up each time. Finally, he asks "Has anyone here ever had sex...

A ghost walked into a bar.

The bartender asks, 'Wow, a ghost? What are you doing here?'
To what the ghost replied, 'I'm here for the BOOs!'

When you're a ghost, you only use 24 letters: abdefghijklmnopqrstvwxyz.

Because no one can c u

What do you call a woman who ghosts after a one-night stand?

A ding dong ditcher

I saw A ghost Today

Oh, wait... It was my reflection

Why did the two ghost hunters fail at their job?

They were a pair o' normal investigators.

Do you want to hear a joke about ghosts?

Nevermind, you'd probably just boo me.

I was walking down the street yesterday and bumped into the ghost of a soldier.

I was walking down the street yesterday and bumped into the ghost of a soldier.

Me: But Mr. Ghost how did I hit you? Surely you're non-corporeal.

Ghost: That's Lance-corporeal to you private.

There was once a friendly mute ghost, ironically named sound.

Sound was a very social ghost so he showed up to several seances, but every time he couldn’t talk to the people who had summoned him because he was mute, but he tried desperately to communicate anyways. He would slam doors and knock over lamps and turn on and off random appliances. After all of that...

What will the ghostbusters be without Harold Ramis?

The Ghostbustrs

Why can't ghost tell lies?

You see right through them

What type of facial hair does a ghost have?

A soul patch

Have you heard about the ghost who can’t reach the top shelf

He could really use a boo st.

My dad told me that colleges are cracking down on ghost-written essays...

I asked, “What about mummy-written essays?”

How did the ghost say goodbye to the vampire?

“So long, sucker!”

Did you hear about the drug dealer's ghost?

He was arrested for *possession.*

How do you talk to the ghost of a window washer?

With a Squeegee Board

What are the two possible things that can happen when a ghost writer dies?

He becomes a ghost-ghost writer
Or...
Drake's career ends either of the two.

How does a ghost open locked doors?

With a Spoooooky

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do ghosts, China, pansexuals and unicorns have in common?

They’re all not real

What is an Australian ghosts favorite pie?

Boo Meringue!

I tried to teach a ghost addition. Despite its efforts, in the end, it could only add 1 at a time.

I was disappointed, but I guess it's the spirit that counts.

What do you call a pair of drunk ghosts ?

Methalated Spirits

What do you call the ghost of a reindeer that loves you?

Caribou

Why couldn't the guy ghost get the girl ghost pregnant? (This is my annual joke)

Because he had a hollow-weenie

What does a ghost panda eat

BamBOO

What are two ghosts up to when they play together?

Pair of normal activity

Happy Halloween

What's a fat ghost's biggest fear?

Being exercised

What’s the male ghosts favorite part of a female ghost?

Her boooooobies.

There is no ghost

While visiting a spooky historic house, a lady confided in the guide that she was terrified of ghosts and dreaded meeting one on the tour.
To reassure her, the guide told her that in all the years he had worked at the house, he had never seen a single ghost.
“And how long have you worked h...

Why are ghost parties the best parties?

Because of the wine, beer and spirits

What do you call a robbery committed by a ghost?

A polterheist.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Ghost Penis...

you'll never see it cumming.

What do you call a haunted house, whose ghost could not pay the rent?

Repossessed

The same ghost spooked me twice

Deja BOO

Where do ghost babies get their milk from?

BoOoooOooObs

On the night of his inauguration, Donald Trump is visited by 3 ghosts

Early in the night, FDR appears. Trump asks him "how can I make America great again?"
FDR replies "think only of the people; do not make laws based on hatred, bigotry, or with the thought of lining your own pockets"
Trump's face sours "FAKE NEWS!" he screams and FDR disappears. Trump falls bac...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the ghost that tried out to be a porn star?

She had really nice booooooooobs.

Do you want to hear a joke about a ghost?

That's the spirit.


Disclaimer: My girlfriend told me this one and she has repeatedly said it pretty much since last Christmas and stills finds it super amusing.

Why did the Ghost of the Pin-the-tail-on-the Donkey go to Bevmo?

Because they retail spirits.

(My 9-year-old came up with this, be kind)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What type of porn do ghosts most prefer?

BOO-kake

What do ghosts like to eat?

I scream

What do Seattleites call a group of little kids dressed up as ghosts?

A micro-boo-ery!

Ghost babay says

BOo hoo

Caitlyn Jenners ghost...would she be

Trans-parent

A joke from my 4 year old: What do you call accidents made by ghosts?

Boo boos.

My wife beleives in ghosts,

I'm just happy to have something to blame my farts on

Hillary Clinton is elected president, . . .

and on the first night she spends in the White House, she is visited by the ghost of George Washington. She asks him, "George, what can I do to best serve the United States?"

The ghost of George Washington responds, "Never tell a lie."

She says, "Oh, I don't think I can do that."
...

Apparently I was supposed to wait until October 31st to dress up like a ghost.

Guess I spook too soon.

A ghost knocks at a door...

...and an old woman answers.

The ghost says to her, "I'm here to scare you."

The old woman replies, "Oh no you haint"

What did the cheer leader say to the ghost?

Show your spirit

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