What is a ghost pirate’s favorite kind of tea?

Boo tea.

(Courtesy of my 6 year old)

What room doesn’t have ghosts?

Living room.

Why do ghosts love elevators?

It lifts their spirits.

How does a ghost woman scare her victims?

With her boooooobies


Sorry, wanted to share this awful pun-joke. It's amazing!

EDIT: Thanks for voting this up to hot! Have a lovely and scary Halloween!
Take care everyone!

I've just found out my wife is really a ghost.

To be honest, I had my suspicions from the moment she walked through the door.

So I saw this ghost today and...

The ghost was sad, told him a joke, lifted up his spirits. But I was sad after realizing that this joke is dead

A ghost sits down at a restaurant table and orders a burger and a drink.

He confirms his order and the waiter asks him 'Do you want frights with that?'

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a ghost’s breasts?

Paranormal entitties.

Why don't monsters eat ghosts?

Because they taste like sheet.

What Do Ghosts Do In Their Free Time?

Exorcise

Why did the ghost go to the bar?

For the boos

Why don’t ghosts go out in public?

Because they look like sheet

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was visited by the ghost of Gloria Gaynor last night.

She ended up being friendly, but upon seeing her, at first I was afraid, I was petrified.

What do you call it when a ghost feels like it’s haunted the same house before?

De ja Boo!

(OC) I always wanted to be a ghost for Halloween

Mom thought it was a good idea because when I was up to something she could see right through me, but Dad said I was too dense.

What kind of magic do ghosts do?

Boodoo

A ghost walks through a bar

Everyone in the bar looked shocked as the ghost said "Can't touch this"

What's the first thing in organized ghost does in the morning?

Makes a to boo list

How do you talk to Italian ghosts?

With a Luigi board.

What do you get when you cross a chicken and a ghost?

A poultry-geist!

What do you call a group of religious ghosts?

Occult

How do ghosts obtain money?

Via a polterheist. Ouch, the downvotes!

I heard that alcoholism is a big problem in the ghost community…

They are all really into boos

A man's car gets haunted by a ghost

So he decided to go to a priest to get it removed.

The priest performs the exorcism, and it works! He successfully removes the ghost from the car. He says to the man "That'll be $250." The man refuses to pay, and so a couple weeks later his car gets repossessed.

What do you call it when a ghost farts?

It passed ghast

What kind of car does a ghost drive?

A Boogatti!

A dwarf who can talk to ghosts escaped from prison.

The police alert said “There’s a small medium at large.”

I once told a bad joke about ghosts

It still haunts me to this day.

What motorcycles do ghosts prefer?

A boocati.

Why can't ghosts reproduce?

Because they have hollow weenies!

Happy Spooktober!

Why couldn't the redneck dress as a ghost for Halloween?

His daddy had already taken all the white sheets.

What do you call a gang of ghosts?

A hauntourage ~

happy spooky season haha

Two ghosts were arguing...

Two ghosts had gone out for dinner at the pub and were having a great time until politics were brought up. Things got heated fast and the barman came over to the table to sort things out. Trouble was, the barman couldn't help either ghost see the others perspective mainly because he couldn't communi...

What kind of vaccinations are required for ghosts?

"Boo"ster shots!

Why can’t ghosts have babies?

cause they have halloweenies.


aka. my favorite joke in seventh grade.

Why did the ghost go to beauty school?

It wanted to open up a boo-tique

How does a programmer ghost scare people?

It yells “BOOLEAN”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call ghost cum?

Ectogasm

How can you tell a girl ghost from a boy ghost?

Boooooooobs!



You’re welcome.

Happy Halloween everybody!

If a Ghost Rider should be called Daredevil, and Daredevil should be called Batman, what should Batman be called?

Inspector Gadget

Why does a ghost throw himself off of a bridge?

Banshee jumping

Do you like jokes about Ghosts?, Yes?

That’s the spirit!

I don't believe in ghosts....

I think if they were real, they'd be more transparent about it.

Of course Ghosts have WiFi by now

Just think about how many dead routers there are out there!

How does the ghost of Adele scare people?

She sneaks up on them and says hello from the other side.

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer see's a car puttering along at 22 MPH.

He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as
dangerous as a speeder! "So he turns on his lights
and pulls the driver over.

Approaching the car, he notices that there are five
old ladies, two in the front seat and three in the
back, wide eyed and white as ghosts.

The driver...

So this guy tried convincing me he was a ghost.

But i saw right through him.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Last week I told a therapist that I was trying to overcome my fear of ghosts.

His answer left me scared since then.


"That's the spirit."

Why do medieval ghosts refuse to stop at McDonald's?

They prefer Wight Castle.

What kind of cars do ghosts drive?

Boo-gattis.

It was a tough Halloween this year..

I staked 5 vampires, beheaded 3 zombies and exorcised 8 ghosts.

Then the wife came out screaming something about
"No, no you give them candy!!!"

Who was the most frustrated ghost in the world?

The one that haunted Helen Keller’s house.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It's hard to keep a girlfriend when you suffer from premature ejaculation.

Easy cum, easy ghost.

what is the difference between a sad ghost and an angry cow?

one boos sadly the other moos madly

I once saw a ghost made of chocolate and vanilla

Ice creamed

Do you want to hear a joke about ghosts?

That's the spirit.

What did the Spanish ghost have for breakfast?

A bowl of ethereal...

What do you call a ghost with fancy stuff

Boougie

What do fat ghosts need to do to lose weight?

Exorcise

What should you feed a ghost to make them happy?

Goulash

If a bank gets robbed by ghosts,

then it’s a Polterheist.

Why was the ghost progressive?

Because he had transparents.

Why are ghosts bad at lying ?

Because you can see right through them.

My dad returned from my grandmas house as a ghost

Dad: Christianity is real, and i'm the new god!

Me: wait, why are you dead?

Dad: some redneck blasted me with his shotgun on my way home!

Me: and how are you the new god?

Dad: i'm a father, son, and a holey spirit

Why is it cheaper to throw a party in a haunted house?

Because the ghosts will bring the boos

A man was driving in a deserted road at night, when suddenly his car starts to cough and splutter as the engine dies

He is forced to pull over to the side of the road in the complete darkness and silence of the night. He grabs his flashlight and pops the hood to see if there's anything he can do to get it going again. Unfortunately, he can't seem to figure out what's wrong with it and he starts to get anxious.
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is the best part about having sex with a ghost?

The phantasm.

The other day I decided to buy a Ouija board

I wanted to see if I could get in touch with deceased celebrities that havent crossed over yet.

The only celebrity I could get in touch with was Stephen Hawkings.

I asked him a few questions including why he was a ghost and how come he had not gone to the after life yet?"

Turns ...

What do you call someone with a lisp who murders angels and ghosts?

Ethereal killer

Just figured out that ghosts are . . . . .

people who died trying to fold a fitted sheet.

What does an Australian ghost eat for dessert?

Boo meringue

Why did the judge deny the ghost bail?

Too much of a fright risk.

"do you believe in ghosts?"

**Me:** lol no— even my grandma says that's dumb

"dude your grandma died 10 years ago"

**Me:** what?!

What is the proper name for the ghost of a buffalo?

A booffalo.

Why are all ghosts considered alcoholics?

Because they bring Boos everywhere they go!

Fred: he was dressing up as a ghost and scaring people away from the old fun park

**cop:** that's actually not illegal but tell me about the talking dog

What does the ghost of a panda bear eat?

Bambooooo.

What are ghosts favorite movie genre?

Seance-fiction

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Typical, I go to buy sexy underwear for a ghost.

And all they have is baguettes.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is the difference between a male and a female ghost?

A female ghosts has BOObs

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

scooby-doo: it’s a g-g-g-ghost!

**ghost:** holy fuck a talking dog!

Heard at a wake

"Here's a toast to the host, who is , at most, a ghost ".

What kind of stones does a ghost use for jewellery?

Tombstones

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

People always joke about having a small or a big dick. Mine is a medium.

It can talk to ghosts

What do you call a chicken that is a ghost?

a poultrygeist


Ill be taking my downvotes in advance thanks

what do ghosts read?

booooooks

Two guys left the bar after a long night of drinking, jumped in the car and started it up. After a couple of minutes, an old man appeared in the passenger window and tapped lightly. The passenger screamed, "Look at the window. There's an old ghost's face there!"

The driver sped up, but the old man's face stayed in the window. The passenger rolled his window down part way and, scared out of his wits, said, "What do you want?" The old man softly replied, "You got any tobacco?" The passenger handed the old man a cigarette and yelled, "Step on it," to the drive...

I found a ghost who wanted to pose for a photo for me! Unfortunately, it came out horribly underexposed.

The spirit was willing, but the flash was weak.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Guy giving a lecture, on the paranormal.

Guy: "How many people believe in Ghosts?"

About 60 hands go up.

"How many have seen a ghost.?"

About 15 hands go up.

"How many have of you have spoken to a ghost.?"

3 hands go up.

"How many have had sex with a ghost?"

One hand goes up, Abdul right at ...

Got dumped on Halloween…

Well at least she didn’t ghost me

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do ghost dogs always haunt us by dragging their butts across the ground?

They have unfinished business.

What do I have in common with ghosts?

Only naive people believe in me :<

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Friendly Ghost

A Ghost hunter is travelling the world doing lectures and meet and greets trying to get more people interested in the paranormal.

He's been told that his presentations are boring and lack a certain x factor.

He decides to start his next lecture a little differently and begins by saying...

What did the carpenter say when noone believed they'd seen a ghost?

"I know what I saw."

My grandfather could communicate with ghosts, who would often ask him about his clothes sizing.

He was a medium.

Two ghosts were sharing stories of their deaths.

Juan asked first, "What killed you?"

"I was locked inside a fridge," Pedro said, "I was cold and trembling, then suffocated after an hour."

"That sucks man," replied Juan. "I got a heart attack and passed away."

"What happened?", asked Pedro.

"As I got...

There is no such color as Ghostly yellow!

It is just a pigment of your imagination!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s a ghosts favorite type of porn?

Boo-kakke

Tinder is haunted

I have been talking to someone on tinder and i told her how much i love halloween. To this, she said "great, i have something perfect for you"

Then she ghosted me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I watch ghost videos whenever i take a poo

They scare the shit out of me

I used to use a Halloween themed dating app

I left because I kept getting ghosted.

If your only friend is ghosting you...

Who you gonna call?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do ghosts like to ride the elevator?

It lifts their spirits
happy spoopy day

What room is useless for a ghost?

A living room xD

I have an old wine barrel that is haunted by the ghost of a pirate. The ghost is quite friendly and really enjoys when you memorise passages from one of the Harry Potter books and then lean into the barrel and recite the passage.

Sure, its unusual, but don't read too much into it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does a ghost say when he doesn’t believe you?

Ghoulshit!

What’s a ghost cow say?

“Moo” silly it’s still a cow.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a ghost poop?

A spookie dookie

Why is Mario so scared of Spanish ghosts?

He’s been playing with “La Ouija” too much.

What is a ghosts favorite kind of dessert?

What is a ghosts favorite kind of dessert?

Boo-berry pie!

What's a female ghost's most attractive feature?

Her BOO-bies!




>!Oh come on, it's funny...!<

I’d like to thank all the girls on Tinder for helping to make my October extra spooky…

All that ghosting really got me in the Halloween spirit.

Why was the ghost sad on Christmas Day?

Because he had no presence.

...sorry

Why do ghosts love health food

Because it’s super natural

People claim ghosts are real...

But I’ve lived in this house for 527 years and I’ve never seen one.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a ghost who thinks he can singlehandedly unload fear upon the face of the Earth?

Boo cocky

Why was the ghost depressed?

Because it was a nobody

The ghost of Soviet dictator Joseph Stalin...

appears before Russian president Vladimir Putin and says, “I’ve got two pieces of advice for you; kill your political opponents and paint the Kremlin blue.”

Putin ponders this for awhile, then replies, “Why blue?”

"So I matched with this cute guy on Tinder last night, and we started chatting and sending each other memes and little animations. But then he mentioned that he was an exchange student from Athens, so I ghosted him." "Why?"

"My daddy always told me, 'Beware the Greeks bearing gifs.'"

Three days ago, in the midst of the coronavirus pandemic, Donald Trump was visited by the ghost of George Washington.

"George," Trump asked, "how can I fix this? How do I make America great again?"

"Never tell a lie."

"I don't lie. Go away."

Two days ago, he was visited by the ghost of Thomas Jefferson.

"Hey, Tom, how do I fix this? How can I make America great again?"

"Listen to ...

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