The 110+ Best Ghost Jokes

What is a ghost pirate’s favorite kind of tea?

Boo tea.

(Courtesy of my 6 year old)

I found out my girlfriend is really a ghost.

I had my suspicions the moment she walked through the door.

I once told a bad joke about ghosts

It still haunts me to this day.

On the night of his inauguration, Donald Trump is visited by 3 ghosts

Early in the night, FDR appears. Trump asks him "how can I make America great again?"
FDR replies "think only of the people; do not make laws based on hatred, bigotry, or with the thought of lining your own pockets"
Trump's face sours "FAKE NEWS!" he screams and FDR disappears. Trump falls bac...

What room doesn’t have ghosts?

Living room.

How can you tell a girl ghost from a boy ghost?

Boooooooobs!

You’re welcome.

Happy Halloween everybody!

Why are ghosts always drunk?

They’re full of booooooos.

"Do you want to hear a joke about ghosts?"

"Yes."

"That's the spirit!"

The ghost of a dead cat walks into a bar

The ghost of a dead cat carrying its severed tail in its mouth walks into a bar at 3 a.m. Only the bartender is there, cleaning up and shutting the place down for the night. The cat puts down the tails and begins to speak. "Pardon me sir, I don't know if you remember me, but I'm the cat that was st...

Two guys left the bar after a long night of drinking, jumped in the car and started it up. After a couple of minutes, an old man appeared in the passenger window and tapped lightly. The passenger screamed, "Look at the window. There's an old ghost's face there!"

The driver sped up, but the old man's face stayed in the window. The passenger rolled his window down part way and, scared out of his wits, said, "What do you want?" The old man softly replied, "You got any tobacco?" The passenger handed the old man a cigarette and yelled, "Step on it," to the drive...

How does a ghost woman scare her victims?

With her boooooobies

Sorry, wanted to share this awful pun-joke. It's amazing!

EDIT: Thanks for voting this up to hot! Have a lovely and scary Halloween!
Take care everyone!

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I woke up at 3.00 am to see the ghostly spectre of Gloria Gaynor, standing at the foot of my bed

At first I was afraid...

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What does a horny ghost love to get?

Screampies.

Three ghosts were talking about what was keeping them from being promoted from ghoul to specter.

The first confessed, "I have a weakness for boooooooooooooobs."

The second admitted, "I drink too much boooooooooooooze."

The third said, "I lack situational awareness."

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Sex with a Ghost

A visiting professor at Florida State University is giving a seminar on the supernatural. To get a feel for his audience, he asks: "How many people here believe in ghosts?" About 90 students raise their hands.

"Well that’s a good start. Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of yo...

A ghost walks into the bar

"Sorry sir, we don't serve spirits".

Why did the ghost become a bartender?

Because he had a lot of boos.

I told my priest I was being haunted by an overweight ghost.

He said I needed to exorcise more.

Putin is working in his office planning the Ukraine war, when the ghost of Stalin suddenly appears.

Putin takes the opportunity to seek advice: “Stalin, what happened? why are things not working out for us?” Stalin gives him the advice: “Send 5 million Russians to their deaths at war, and paint the Kremlin blue.” “Why blue?” asks Vladimir Putin.

“I knew you wouldn’t have a problem with ...

Just bought a boomerang from a ghost.

Now I'm worried that this going to come back to haunt me.

A man's car gets haunted by a ghost

So he decided to go to a priest to get it removed.

The priest performs the exorcism, and it works! He successfully removes the ghost from the car. He says to the man "That'll be $250." The man refuses to pay, and so a couple weeks later his car gets repossessed.

What did the ghost say when it woke up with a bad hangover?

“Man, I really need to lay off the boos.”

Why do French ghosts smell so bad?

Zay are, ow you say, "covered in sheet".

A modern day ghost story

Bill was on the side of the road hitch-hiking on a very dark night and in the midst of a fierce rain storm.

The night was rolling on, and no car went by. The storm was so strong he could hardly see a few meters ahead of him.

Suddenly through the swirling rain Bill saw a car slowly comi...

Why didn’t the ghost get arrested for stealing?

Because possession is nine tenths of the law.

What do you call a great dane who hunts ghosts underwater?

Scuba Doo

Me: the victim is 6’1”; his body has already turned into a ghost.

Police officer: Sir, that’s just a sheet we covered the body with.

How do ghosts keep in shape?

They exorcise regularly.

What do you call a ghost in a painting?

A portrait-geist.

what type of blood do ghosts donate?

plasma

How does a ghost plan his day?

He makes a to-boo list

Why did the trick or treater lose his ghost costume?

Someone scared the sheet out of him

Why do ghosts like to ride in elevators?

Because it lifts their spirit.

In what key do ghosts play the piano?

In the spoo-key.

What does an Italian ghost wear?

A Garb of Ghoul

did you hear about the ghost ship?

i heard they were only working with a skeleton crew

Why the chicken’s ghost cross the road?

To come from the other side.

Why don't you ever see an over weight ghost?

They are deathly afraid of being exorcized

Where do ghosts go on vacation?

Mali-Boo!

My Girlfriend Said I Talked To Ghosts

She said I was a medium

what kind of car does a ghost drive?

A Boogatti!

How do ghosts obtain money?

Via a polterheist. Ouch, the downvotes!

Why do ghosts like to stay in hotels?

Because they love the complimentary boo-fet!

Ghosts are terrible liars.

You can see right through them.

My faithful old shredder has finally given up the ghost after 15 years without a single problem.

I'm tearing up here.

What did the architect of Villa Savoye say when he died and became a ghost?

Le CorBOO

Ba dum tiss.

Who was the most frustrated ghost ever?

The one that haunted Helen Keller’s house.

Why don’t monsters eat ghosts?

They taste like sheet

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is a ghost’s favorite porn category?

Booooookake.

What’s the best place in the house to hide from ghost?

The living room!

How do ghosts get drunk?

They drink spirits

Broke out the ouija board and asked "is my father's sister's ghost's spirit in the room?"

The board read "say aunt's."

Have you ever heard about the ghost hockey player?

It's team spirit.

What did the ghost say as he coughed up fog?

Don't worry guys, it's just miasma!

Did you hear about the ghost who didn't pay his mortgage?

His house was repossessed

What do you call a ghost's snot?

a BOOger.

What did the ghost mom say to the ghost kid?

It’s tough being apparent.

What do people in Seattle call a group of little kids dressed as ghosts for Halloween?

A micro-boo-ery!

Happy Halloween :)

If a Ghost Rider should be called Daredevil, and Daredevil should be called Batman, what should Batman be called?

Inspector Gadget

Joke from my 8 year old daughter for Halloween.

Why didn’t the ghost like to take showers?

Because it would dampen his spirits.

How do you talk to Italian ghosts?

With a Luigi board.

I heard that alcoholism is a big problem in the ghost community…

They are all really into boos

What kind of key does a ghost use?

a spoo-key

Three days ago, in the midst of the coronavirus pandemic, Donald Trump was visited by the ghost of George Washington.

"George," Trump asked, "how can I fix this? How do I make America great again?"

"Never tell a lie."

"I don't lie. Go away."

Two days ago, he was visited by the ghost of Thomas Jefferson.

"Hey, Tom, how do I fix this? How can I make America great again?"

"Listen to ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

me: I've conquered my fear of ghosts

therapist: that's the spirit!
me: oh fuck where

What’s the difference between a shoe and a ghost?

One has a sole!

Love is like a Ghost Pepper, you taste it with delight.

And when it's gone you wonder, what ever made you bite.

The ghost busters enterd the hospital to see their friend who has been diagnosed with cancer

When they walk in they’re stopped by a doctor who says
-Sorry no spawn camping

Jehovah is showing Ra around Heaven one day...

... when a man runs up to them, crosses himself, then spreads his arms and closes his eyes.

"Excuse me," Jehovah says to Ra, "this will only take a second." He waves his hands, there's a flash of light, and a purring kitten goes scampering away from where the man had been.

"Other than ...

What do you get when you cross a chicken and a ghost?

A poultry-geist!

where do ghosts live?

Boo york

Why do ghosts obsess over expensive things?

Because they’re super boougie.

What does a ghost use on a hot Summer day to not get sunburn

Sunscream

Ghosts, what is it with them these days?

They go round going ‘whooooo whooooo’, what is that all about. They need to get a life.

How do ghosts fly?

Spirit-plane

I’ve always suspected my girlfriend was a ghost.

These suspicions started every since she walked through the door.

There has never been a ghost sighting in Finland

All the ghosts who died there went on to the afterlife due to them having no un-Finnish-ed business.

Why do Scotsmen make good ghost hunters?

Because after they enter a house there’s nae spirits left

Ghost in the bathroom

One late night, after a drunken revelry, I silently slid into my bed and got a sudden urge to pee.

As I opened the bathroom door the light came on by itself.

I got scared and returned to bed, but unable to control the urge, ventured forth again. The light came on again and scared me ba...

How do you tell the difference between Male and Female ghosts?

One has boooooobs.
The other gets full pay at their jobs.

Did you hear about the guy who got shot with a ghost gun?

He’s got a boo-boo

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's a ghost's favorite type of porn?

Boookakke!

A ghost sits down at a restaurant table and orders a burger and a drink.

He confirms his order and the waiter asks him 'Do you want frights with that?'

What do you call it when a ghost feels like it’s haunted the same house before?

De ja Boo!

What do you call it when a ghost farts?

It passed ghast

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call Viagra for ghosts?

Specter erector.

What kind of stone do you need to evolve eevee into a ghost type?

Easy

any stone can do the job, just remember aim for the head

So this guy tried convincing me he was a ghost.

But i saw right through him.

(OC) I always wanted to be a ghost for Halloween

Mom thought it was a good idea because when I was up to something she could see right through me, but Dad said I was too dense.

Why are ghosts banned from the liquor store?

They would steal all the boos.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was visited by the ghost of Gloria Gaynor last night.

She ended up being friendly, but upon seeing her, at first I was afraid, I was petrified.

How do ghosts feed their newborns?

With their bOoOoOobs

What do you call a ghost with his own spooking company?

A hauntrepreneur!

What do you call a chicken that is a ghost?

a poultrygeist

Ill be taking my downvotes in advance thanks

Why weren’t the ghost parents accepted in the new housing complex?

Because they were Trans-parent

Why does slain Russian soldiers not turn into ghosts

It is against the law to be trans-parent

A ghost may try to deceive you.

But don't worry, you will be able to see right through them

How does a programmer ghost scare people?

It yells “BOOLEAN”

What kind of magic do ghosts do?

Boodoo

Why did the ghost decide to become a vegan?

Because it's super natural.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is the best part about having sex with a ghost?

The phantasm.

Why did the ghost go to beauty school?

It wanted to open up a boo-tique

How does the ghost of Adele scare people?

She sneaks up on them and says hello from the other side.

What's the first thing in organized ghost does in the morning?

Makes a to boo list

What do you call a gang of ghosts?

A hauntourage ~

happy spooky season haha

Why can't ghosts reproduce?

Because they have hollow weenies!

Happy Spooktober!

Why couldn't the redneck dress as a ghost for Halloween?

His daddy had already taken all the white sheets.

Two ghosts were arguing...

Two ghosts had gone out for dinner at the pub and were having a great time until politics were brought up. Things got heated fast and the barman came over to the table to sort things out. Trouble was, the barman couldn't help either ghost see the others perspective mainly because he couldn't communi...

What's the main religion of most ghosts?

Boo dism

Why was the ghost progressive?

Because he had transparents.

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