Why did the ghost get arrested?

For possession

I found out my girlfriend is really a ghost.

I had my suspicions the moment she walked through the door.

What kind of key does a ghost use?

a spoo-key

How can you tell a girl ghost from a boy ghost?

Boooooooobs!



You’re welcome.

Happy Halloween everybody!

Why do ghosts like to ride in elevators?

Because it lifts their spirit.

What did the Spanish ghost have for breakfast?

A bowl of ethereal...

What room do ghosts avoid?

The living room.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do ghost dogs always haunt us by dragging their butts across the ground?

They have unfinished business.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

scooby-doo: it’s a g-g-g-ghost!

**ghost:** holy fuck a talking dog!

Why is Mario so scared of Spanish ghosts?

He’s been playing with “La Ouija” too much.

If a bank gets robbed by ghosts,

then it’s a Polterheist.

What is the proper name for the ghost of a buffalo?

A booffalo.

If I you ever become a ghost and want to start an airline company, what should you call it?

Booing Incorporealated.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is the difference between a male and a female ghost?

A female ghosts has BOObs

What do I have in common with ghosts?

Only naive people believe in me :<

There is no such color as Ghostly yellow!

It is just a pigment of your imagination!

I found a ghost who wanted to pose for a photo for me! Unfortunately, it came out horribly underexposed.

The spirit was willing, but the flash was weak.

What should you feed a ghost to make them happy?

Goulash

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Friendly Ghost

A Ghost hunter is travelling the world doing lectures and meet and greets trying to get more people interested in the paranormal.

He's been told that his presentations are boring and lack a certain x factor.

He decides to start his next lecture a little differently and begins by saying...

What did the carpenter say when noone believed they'd seen a ghost?

"I know what I saw."

Why did the judge deny the ghost bail?

Too much of a fright risk.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I watch ghost videos whenever i take a poo

They scare the shit out of me

What is a popular search engine for ghosts?

Ghoul-gle!

I once told a bad joke about ghosts

It still haunts me to this day.

Why are all ghosts considered alcoholics?

Because they bring Boos everywhere they go!

If your only friend is ghosting you...

Who you gonna call?

What's a ghosts favourite present?

A Boo-quet

Why did the ghost cross the road?

Because it was a poultrygeist.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a ghost who thinks he can singlehandedly unload fear upon the face of the Earth?

Boo cocky

Why are most ghosts vegans?

Because it is super natural

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the horny English speaking ghost say to the hive?

Boo bees!

What room is useless for a ghost?

A living room xD

For my birthday I bought a pair of ghost bumblee earrings.

This way my face can always be between a pair of boo-bees.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do ghosts like to ride the elevator?

It lifts their spirits
happy spoopy day

What does a ghost take when they have acid reflux?

Phan-Tums

What is a ghost's favourite exercise?

Deadlifting

What does a ghost of Christmas past never get?

A present.

A vampire, a zombie, and a ghost are at a party.

The ghost gets something to eat, then immediately asks the zombie where the bathroom is. The ghost does his business, and returns to get some more food. He has some more to eat, then excuses himself to the restroom with the vampire. When he gets back, the zombie asks if the ghost is fe all right. ...

What is a ghost pirate’s favorite kind of tea?

Boo tea.

(Courtesy of my 6 year old)

What is the difference between Skyrim NPCs and Ghost Deniers?

None. Like both will see their surrounding destroyed and assume it's the wind.

What do you call a chicken that is a ghost?

a poultrygeist


Ill be taking my downvotes in advance thanks

Why was the ghost sad on Christmas Day?

Because he had no presence.

...sorry

Why was the ghost depressed?

Because it was a nobody

What’s a ghost cow say?

“Moo” silly it’s still a cow.

Where do baby ghosts go when their parents are at work?

To day-scare!

Look at the window. There's an old ghost's face there!!!!!!!

Two guys left the bar after a long night of drinking, jumped in the car and started it up. After a couple of minutes, an old man appeared in the passenger window and tapped lightly.

The passenger screamed "Look at the window. There's an old ghost's face there!"

The driver speed up, but...

I have an old wine barrel that is haunted by the ghost of a pirate. The ghost is quite friendly and really enjoys when you memorise passages from one of the Harry Potter books and then lean into the barrel and recite the passage.

Sure, its unusual, but don't read too much into it.

My grandfather could communicate with ghosts, who would often ask him about his clothes sizing.

He was a medium.

What do ghost pandas eat?

Bambooo

What's a female ghost's most attractive feature?

Her BOO-bies!




>!Oh come on, it's funny...!<

Do you wanna hear a joke about ghosts?

That’s the spirit!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s a ghosts favorite type of porn?

Boo-kakke

What is a ghosts favorite kind of dessert?

What is a ghosts favorite kind of dessert?

Boo-berry pie!

Why was the ghost kicked out of the bar?

Because he had one too many boos!

People claim ghosts are real...

But I’ve lived in this house for 527 years and I’ve never seen one.

Dickens: I wrote a book about ghosts

**Publisher:** we need a christmas book

**Dickens:** *[adding, like, 4 words]* I wrote a book about christmas ghosts

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does a ghost say when he doesn’t believe you?

Ghoulshit!

Why can't ghosts have babies?

Because they have hollow weenies.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a ghost poop?

A spookie dookie

You hear about the girl-ghost who got accused of getting breast implants?

So rude. Everyone knows she’s got super-naturals.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

We have ghosts in house

\- "I went last night to the bathroom and light turns on by itself. I finish peeing and go out only for the light to turn off by itself too."

\- "Idiot! You pissed in the fridge again."

I ate a ghost once. I wouldn't recommended it.

Tasted like sheet.

Happy Halloween, everyone!

It must really suck being a ghost who has to haunt the oceans

You gotta go through a lot of hard ships just to do your job

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

On Christmas I was just minding my own business when I was visited by a few ghosts.

The plot Dickens.

How was a ghost caught in a human party?

He yelled: "Dance til' ya drop dead again!'

The ghost of Soviet dictator Joseph Stalin...

appears before Russian president Vladimir Putin and says, “I’ve got two pieces of advice for you; kill your political opponents and paint the Kremlin blue.”

Putin ponders this for awhile, then replies, “Why blue?”

What do you call a iceberg in a ghost sheet?

A polargeist

Drax, John Cena, and a ghost are standing in a bar.

Oh, sorry. Correction: , , and a are standing in a bar.

What did the ghost teacher say to the class?

Look at the board and I’ll go through it again.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Do you believe in ghosts?

So it's the first day of the parapsychology class. The teacher asks, "How many of you believe in ghosts?"

All of the students raise their hands.

"And how many of you have ever seen a ghost?"

About 90% of the students raise their hands.

"And how many of you have ever touch...

"So I matched with this cute guy on Tinder last night, and we started chatting and sending each other memes and little animations. But then he mentioned that he was an exchange student from Athens, so I ghosted him." "Why?"

"My daddy always told me, 'Beware the Greeks bearing gifs.'"

Priest calls a town meeting about rumors of ghosts... (long)

In a small rural town rumors start to spread that people are seeing ghosts, so the new and inexperienced priest hears about these rumors and decides to call a town meeting to get to the bottom of these rumors. After everyone arrives the priest then starts the meeting with a question: "Who here has s...

Why did the ghost go into the bar?

For the boos!!!!

Happy Halloween redditors!!!

Where do baby ghosts come from?

We all know the girl ghosts have booooo-bies but how do the boy ghosts do anything with their hollow weenies?

Why don't Monsters eat Ghosts?

They taste like sheet!!

What did the doctor say to the ghost?

You’re not getting enough exorcise

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Making your girlfriend believe she's a robot when she's real is called ghosting. It's a dick move. Making your girlfriend believe she's real when she's a robot is called bladerunning.

It's a Philip K. Dick move.

What are epileptic ghosts made of?

Ectospasm

There's a new type of stone which turns Eevee into a Ghost-type

It's called a brick.

What are ghosts favorite thing to read?

BOOks

They finally got rid of the ghost that was haunting my local pub.

I guess he overdid it with the boos

Why did the ghost's girlfriend break up with him?

She found out about his side boos!

What does a ghost do when it gets upset?

Loses its sheet!

What do ghosts drink at parties?

BOOOOOZE!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My roommates keep saying that the house is haunted by a ghost

How many times do I have to tell these fuckers I’m a phantom.

Ghosted

When I was about 9 years old, my father forced me to go with him to the funeral of a friend of his, that I didn't know.
When we got there, I stayed in a corner, waiting for time to pass by. Then a man approached me and said, "Enjoy life boy, be happy because time flies. Look at me now.... I didn'...

Where do ghosts deposit their mail?

The Ghost Office!

What happened when the ghost couldn't make it to the bathroom?

He sheet himself!

What kind of plant do ghosts like to hide behind?

BamBOO!

Where did the ghost go to for his vacation?

He went to Maliboo

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Guy giving a lecture, on the paranormal.

Guy: "How many people believe in Ghosts?"

About 60 hands go up.

"How many have seen a ghost.?"

About 15 hands go up.

"How many have of you have spoken to a ghost.?"

3 hands go up.

"How many have had sex with a ghost?"

One hand goes up, Abdul right at ...

Why do ghosts hate working out?

Because they have to exorcise

What do you call a bank robbery committed by a ghost?

A Polterheist

Never trust a ghost when it says "i love you"..

It was just the boos talking

After trick-or-treating on Halloween, a teen takes a shortcut through a cemetery.

Halfway across, he's startled by a tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, he spots an old man chipping away at a headstone. "I thought you were a ghost," says the relieved teen. "What are you doing working so late?" "Oh, those idiots," grumbles the old man. "They misspelle...

So Mike Tyson dies and becomes a ghost. What is his favorite thing to eat for breakfast?

Ethereal

(A cereal)



I'm proud of this joke

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you say when a ghost makes you orgasm?

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!

Credit to my bff.

The preacher and the ghost.

A new preacher wanted to rent a house in the country but the only one available was rumored to be haunted. That didn’t bother the preacher since he didn’t believe in such things. He went ahead and rented the place.

Soon the ghost made its appearance. The preacher told his friends about the gh...

Have y'all heard about this new app that lets you see ghosts?

It's called Tinder

What religion do ghosts adhere to?

Boodhism

Where do ghosts hang out at the park?

The gazeboo.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man hosted 100 ghost believers at a paranormal convention..

He decides to ask the attendees a series of questions to gauge the room.

"Put your hands up if you've seen a ghost" he says and most of the room follows his instructions.

"Okay now put your hands up if you've been in the same room as a ghost" and only about half of the attendees rais...

What is an Australian ghost's favorite pie?

Boo meringue

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a bee's ghost?

a BOO-bee

Hahaha.. like .. boobie.
Plz don't hurt me. I know it's bad

What do you call a group of necrophiles?

Ghostbusters.

Why does the selective Ghost only haunt Bars and Pubs..?

... He's addicted to Boos

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Who doesn't like a quick & easy ghost joke?

What is a ghost's favourite type of porn?!






Boookakke!!

Why did the sad little boy bring a ghost into the elevator?

To lift his spirits

What kind of ghost has the best hearing?

The eeriest.

As an artist, I feel there's no difference performing between normal people and ghost

Cause in the end they just boo at me.

What do you say when you see a stunned ghost buster catch a ghoul?

He's a little confused but he's got the spirit.

A ghost walks into a bar at 4 am.

The bartender says: “sorry, we don’t serve spirits after 3.”

If you’re feeling sad, get in an elevator with a few ghosts

...it will really lift your spirits

My drink is moaning

It sounds like a ghost and it’s giving me the heebie jeebies. I take it back to the cashier and tell them it sounds like the large Coke I ordered is possessed. The cashier looks me, apologetic, and says, “Large? I’m so sorry, I thought you asked for a medium.”

Why did the ghost decide to become a vegan?

Because it's super natural.

Have you heard about the rappers ghost writer going to jail

He was behind bars

A lad was on his way to visit his friend. Whilst driving, his car broke down and it began to rain so heavily, he couldn’t see his own hands in front of him.

He walked for as long as he could, but the rain became too much to bear. He found a tree and stood beneath it, waiting for a car.
Hours went by, and he was beginning to give up hope. It was a quiet road indeed that he found him on. The next town wasn’t for miles, so he’d have to stay the night ...

In sweden we have what is called Bellman jokes

Disclaimer: Carl Michael Bellman was a swedish author, singer, composer etc. For no particular reason swedes tell jokes about him. Usually involving him and two other guys from different nationalities. Bellman usually wins out in the end somehow.

On to the joke

There was once a Ge...

What did Casper the ghost say while sitting through a terrible movie?

“I don’t think I can get through this!”

The Patriotic Ghost

What did the ghost say to his friend on the 4th of July?

Red, white, Boooo!!

Three days ago, in the midst of the coronavirus pandemic, Donald Trump was visited by the ghost of George Washington.

"George," Trump asked, "how can I fix this? How do I make America great again?"

"Never tell a lie."

"I don't lie. Go away."

Two days ago, he was visited by the ghost of Thomas Jefferson.

"Hey, Tom, how do I fix this? How can I make America great again?"

"Listen to ...

Me: "Dude! Help! I'm convinced that I'm possessed by the ghost of an American Civil War General!" Ed: "That's incredible! Are you sure, man?"

Me: "Nope, but 'Grant,' Ed - that's a good guess."

Ed: "Are you ever possessed by confederate commanders?"

Me: "General Lee? No."

A ghost may try to deceive you.

But don't worry, you will be able to see right through them

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the arrogant group of ghosts that like to get up in your face?

They're Boo! cocky....

It's easy to be demoralized by napping ghosts.

Hope you can keep your spirits up.

Why couldn't the redneck go as a ghost for Halloween?

Because he was told a redneck in a white sheet was a bad idea.

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