What is a ghost pirate’s favorite kind of tea?

Boo tea.

(Courtesy of my 6 year old)

What did the ghost say when it woke up with a bad hangover?

“Man, I really need to lay off the boos.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is a ghosts favorite porn?

Boo-kaki

Why ghosts are so bad at lying

Because you can see right through them

I dated a ghost once.

But she was kinda possessive.

How do you tell the difference between a boy ghost and a girl ghost?

Their booooobs.

Matthew McConaughey says he saw a ghost.

It was all white, all white, all white.

What do you call a ghost with his own spooking company?

A hauntrepreneur!

What is a ghosts favourite thing to throw?

A boo-merang

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Ghost on ghost sex is so hot...

Boo-kake anyone?

I feel like I’ve seen that ghost before.

I must be having Deja boo.

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What do you call a ghost’s boobs?

Entities

How do ghosts react to bad jokes?

They Boo!

What’s a ghost’s favorite way to travel?

Spirit airlines.

A ghost threw a ball at me once

At first i was confused......





and then it hit me...

What do ghosts drink at Halloween parties?

BoOoOoZe!

Why did the the ghost go into the bar?

For the boos and the sprits

What do ghosts eat for dinner?

Spooketi.

What kind of ghost hates millenials?

A "BOOOOO"MER

A mother ghost was putting it's child ghost to bed...

Mother: "I love you~"

Child: "I love you boo~"

Mother: "I love you more~"

Child: "I love you the GHOST~!"

What room do ghosts avoid?

The living room

Did you hear about the ghost comedian’s show last night?

Apparently all you could hear in the place was “Boo!”

Wanna hear a ghost joke ??

Now that's the spirit

Why did the sad ghost use the elevator?

To lift his spirit.

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What do you call a ghost's butt?

A Booty.

What’s it called when a ghost scares the wrong person?

A boo-boo

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I asked a female ghost in person if her boobs are natural

"No," she said. "It's supernatural, you perv."

What happens if you goose a ghost?

You get a handful of sheet!

What kind of pants does a ghost wear?

A pair a normal pants

My nephew's answer:Scaredy Pants

Two ghosts are arguing

And one says, "Don't lie to me, I can see right through you"

How does a ghost orgy end?

With a Boo!kake

What's a spooky ghost's favourite makeup

Ma-SCARE-ya

 

*^I'll ^show ^myself ^out...*

What is a lewd ghost's favourite type of tea?

Boo - tea

What plane does a ghost fly?

Booeing

What do ghosts, rappers, and programmers have in common?

Boolean

Where do Russians send their ghosts?

To the Ghooouuulllll-lag

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My therapist ghosted me.

I found out that he hadn’t died because I ran into him at the grocery store a few weeks later.

The ghost busters enterd the hospital to see their friend who has been diagnosed with cancer

When they walk in they’re stopped by a doctor who says
-Sorry no spawn camping

Why was the ghost an alcoholic?

Because he likes boo's!

What sound does a Gen Z ghost make?

uwuuuuu

Is it ethical to consume a ghost?

I don’t want to eat something if it will come back to haunt me

What do you a call it when one ghosts eats another ghost?

Canni-BOO-lism!

What's in a ghosts nose?

Boo-gers

(Courtesy of my three year old)

A ghost walks into a bar

The bartender says "sorry we dont serve spirits"

What does a ghost take when he has acid reflux?

Phan-tums

I got my friend a ghost for Christmas..

It wasn't really a surprise as he had already felt the presence.

My house was haunted by the ghost of Leonardo Da Vinci last night

I almost had an art attack.

What do ghost cowboys wear?

BoOoOts

One day, Putin summons the ghost of Stalin.

He asks him, "Why is everything here so bad? What should I do to make Russia great again?"

Stalin replies, "Execute most of the government and paint the Kremlin blue."

"Why blue?" asks a perplexed Putin.

"I knew you wouldn't object to the first part," says Stalin.

What do ghosts want for dessert

Ice cream

An officer running a speed trap stops a car on the interstate for going dangerously slow.

He walks up to the car and sees two very old women. The driver with very thick glasses, and one very pale, wide eyed passenger.

"Ma'am I have to tell you, it's very dangerous going so slow on an interstate."

"What do you mean too slow? The speed limit is 10" as she points to a sign. ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sex with ghosts

A professor at Wayne State University in Detroit was giving a lecture on Paranormal Studies. To get a feel for his audience, he asks, "How many people here believe in ghosts?"

About 90 students raise their hands.

"Well, that's a good start. Out of those who believe in ghosts, do an...

My girlfriend has been ignoring my attempts to communicate with her. I think she has been ghosting me for several weeks now all because I asked her to send nudes.

So I said screw it, I’m done trying to communicate and threw out my Ouija board.

What do you call it when a ghost goes to the bathroom?

A spooky dookie

What do you call the ghost of a homeless man?

A hoboo

How do you sneak into a school for ghosts?

Just act super natural.

What does the ghost of a cow say?

MooooOOOOoooo

Have you heard about the childless ghost who just wanted to be noticed?

They never became apparent.

When a good christian girl starts ignoring your calls, it is not ghosting.

It is holy ghosting.

Why does Trump hate ghosts?

Because they can go through walls.

Why are ghosts so popular at parties?

Because they always bring the boo's (booze)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

what do you call a ghosts boobies?

Paranormal entitties.

What do you get when you have a room full of happy people toasting shot glasses to stoned ghosts?

High Spirits

I never believed in the after life, spirits or ghosts...

Until I got on dating apps.

Why are there no haunted gyms?

All the ghosts have been exercised

Why did the two ghost hunters fail at their job?

They were a pair o' normal investigators.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

a pornstar entering a barber shop, sitting next to a nun

the nun is currently getting her hair done.. meanwhile the pornstar is talking dirty shit about how he would like to have sex with the nun

the nun tries to ignore those words, when her hair is finished, she says she cant do such unspeakable things as a nun, an leaves

the barber then te...

What i know about ghost's?

A medium amount of information.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

AN IRISH GHOST STORY

This story happened a while ago near Kells, County Meath, and even though it sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock tale... it's true.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
John Reilly, a Cavan man studying in UCD, was on the side of the road hitchhiking back to Dublin on a very dark night and in the midst of a big storm. ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Me: I've finally conquered my fear of ghosts

Therapist: That's the spirit

Me: Oh fuck where?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is a ghost's favorite type of porn?

Boo-kkake

Alternative punchline: Ghouls Gone Wild

Where do fashionable ghosts shop?

Bootiques.

what do you call a native american who likes to touch ghosts ?

poke a haunt ass

President Trump is sleeping one night

President Trump is sleeping one night when the ghost of George Washington appears at the foot of his bed. Trump asks him, 'Georgie, my boy, how can I be a better president?' George says, 'First, never tell a lie.' Trump doesn't like this answer and yells for security. George disappears and Trump goe...

My long-distance Chinese girlfriend ghosted me.

The last thing I said to her was that I was going to watch Winnie The Pooh with my 4 year old niece...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sex with ghosts

A spiritualist meeting, and the leader asks the crowd, "Who here believes in ghosts?" Most of the hands go up. "Has anyone here seen a ghost?" Fewer hands go up. "Heard a ghost?" "Smelled a ghost?" "Touched a ghost?" Fewer hands go up each time. Finally, he asks "Has anyone here ever had sex...

When you're a ghost, you only use 24 letters: abdefghijklmnopqrstvwxyz.

Because no one can c u

A ghost walked into a bar.

The bartender asks, 'Wow, a ghost? What are you doing here?'
To what the ghost replied, 'I'm here for the BOOs!'

How do you milk a ghost?

Squeeze their BoOoOoOoOoOoOobs!

What do you call a woman who ghosts after a one-night stand?

A ding dong ditcher

you shouldn't date spirits

they'll always ghost you

I saw A ghost Today

Oh, wait... It was my reflection

I was walking down the street yesterday and bumped into the ghost of a soldier.

I was walking down the street yesterday and bumped into the ghost of a soldier.

Me: But Mr. Ghost how did I hit you? Surely you're non-corporeal.

Ghost: That's Lance-corporeal to you private.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Girlfriend Joke

Now, I need to caveat the beginning of this joke with some information. I'm a solid six-outta-ten, a real average looking guy. Never been too smooth wirth the ladies but whaddaya do, never been lonely neither.
So, one day I come home from work, I live in a little apartment complex, and I see acro...

There was once a friendly mute ghost, ironically named sound.

Sound was a very social ghost so he showed up to several seances, but every time he couldn’t talk to the people who had summoned him because he was mute, but he tried desperately to communicate anyways. He would slam doors and knock over lamps and turn on and off random appliances. After all of that...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

These guys are going hunting

They're sitting around a campfire drinking and drinking. They go out and kill a deer, they bring it back to clean and gut it. They drink some more. A little while later one of the guys stands up, and says, "I've got to take a shit." So he goes off into the woods but doesn't come back for a while. Hi...

Do you want to hear a joke about ghosts?

Nevermind, you'd probably just boo me.

Have you heard about the ghost who can’t reach the top shelf

He could really use a boo st.

How does a ghost open locked doors?

With a Spoooooky

Did you hear about the drug dealer's ghost?

He was arrested for *possession.*

Why can't ghost tell lies?

You see right through them

What was Danny Phantoms last words?

I'm going ghost

What type of facial hair does a ghost have?

A soul patch

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