What do you call it when a marker raises a good argument?

A fine point.

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The Will

His nurse, his wife, his daughter, and two sons, are with him.
He asks for two witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in place to record his last wishes.

When all is ready, he begins to speak:

"My son, Bernie, I want you to take the Ocean Reef houses."

"My daughter Sybi...

A marker cut me the other day

It was sharpie

Teacher joke: Why was the whiteboard marker always so angry?

Because he was irascible.

My buddy got stabbed by a person with a marker

That’s gonna leave a mark

Patrick died and went to the gates of heaven

There he saw a man with a halo sitting behind a table waiting. As he approached the Saint looked up and Patrick saw two keys hanging around his neck on a chain, the keys to the pearly gates themselves. This must be St. Peter, Patrick thought.

''Hello Patrick. I just have to check through you...

LPT Request: My 2 year old son drew in permanent marker all over the walls

So I took a shower earlier today and left my 2 year old son in the living room with the TV on thinking he would be ok. I come out 20 minutes later and he covered the entire living room in green permanent marker that he somehow got a hold of. As you can imagine, I flipped out and immediately ran to...

I really hate permanent markers

Temporary markers though, on the other hand, are remarkable!

What'd you call a marker that smokes weed?

A highlighter

Next time I hit the club, I'm coloring myself head to toe with a permanent marker, and that's all I'll wear.

Because every girl's crazy 'bout a Sharpie-dressed man.

When is the best occasion to wear a gravestone marker hat?

When your hair is dyed

I asked the blonde nurse why she had a red magic marker.

She said it’s easier to draw blood with it.

I was called to school because my 9 year old son vandalized a wall in school's bathroom with a permanent marker again

That's where he drew the line

I saw this guy scribbling on a poor dog with a marker pen.

It was a Sharpei.

A boy goes to Walmart to get a sign and some markers to ask his date out to Prom

So the boy goes to Walmart to get a sign with markers, to ask her out. At checkout, the line is long, so he waits and says to himself "This is for my date."

So the girl gladly accepts and when they arrive at Prom, there is a long line into the building. Again, to himself, he says "This is fo...

Surprise mother f*

A professor was about to begin his lecture and was writing something on the board, then someone whistles, so he asks, 'who did it', but no one answered.

So he continued the lecture then hears the whistle again. So he asks, 'who was it' and again no one answers.

So he packeshis notes a...

I spotted an albino dalmatian today.

He wasn't a fan of the marker.

I am going to use black and blue markers

because y'all are going to feel beaten up after this section.

~My Math Professor

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A 3rd grade teacher...

Prepares her 9 year olds for a writing class.

Teacher: “class we will be learning how to write without lifting your pencil off the paper!”

Little Johnny: “I know how to do that!”

Teacher: “You know how to write without lifting off the page!”

Little Johnny : “Yes ma’am t...

Why was the teacher arrested for writing in permanent marker?

He wrote "1 + 0 = 0" and then spent the rest of the lesson trying to rub one out...

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Curtis

So, imagine a guy named Curtis. Curtis was no ordinary man. You see, he was MAGICAL. Nearly omnipotent.

One day, Curtis decides to make use of his power, and he takes a marker, and a trillion sheets of paper. On each sheet he draws an E as large as he can.

Every time you did someone a...

What marker is only sold in shady areas?

Mr. Sketch.

What's a stoners favorite marker?

A Highlighter

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Pussy and Bitch

A kid comes home from school and says to his mom, "Mom I've got a problem."

She says, "Tell me."

He tells her that the boys at school are using two words he doesn't understand.

She asks him what they are?

He says, "Well, pussy and bitch."

She says, "Oh that's no bi...

Probably only amusing if you work in construction...

3 construction workers went on a hunting trip - a crane operator, a laborer, and a surveyor. The three spent a good hour walking through the woods, looking for the laborer's tree stand before they realized they were lost. Looking around, they had no way to figure out which way to go to get back to t...

The year is 2540, a student notices something odd about his history book

“How come these textbooks skip the years 1990 through 1999?” He asks

The teacher puts down his marker, lowers his head and sighs.

“Because...” he lifts his head, a single tear rolls down his cheek, “...only 90’s kids remember the 90’s”

A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead all join a tournament.

They are allowed to bring any weapon they choose, and the only rule is that the first person to draw blood wins.

The brunette walks in with a badass double edged axe,

the redhead walks in with a huge longsword,

and the blonde shows up with a red marker.

Two blondes go on vacation and rent

a boat for the day to go fishing. They lower the anchor and start fishing on the lake. After a really successful days' fishing, one blonde says "We should come back to this same place tomorrow," and so she takes out a marker and draws an "X" in the bottom of the boat. "This will help us find the loc...

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[NSFW] A boy asked his dad what the C word stood for.

Boy, "Dad, what's a cunt?"

The dad replied, "Grab that marker over there and follow me."

He then went into his bedroom and grabbed a nude picture of his ex-girlfriend out of his dresser. He showed his son the picture and circled the woman's crotch.

The dad said "You see that ...

The Legend of Curtis

So imagine a dude named Curtis. Curtis had a marker, and a billion sheets of paper. On each of the sheets, he drew the letter E as big as he can fit it into the page. When he finished, he scattered each and every one of those pages all over Earth. They’re pretty much everywhere, there may even be on...

So, my 3 year old cousin was over this morning.

I needed to grab a quick shower as I let him watch cartoons in the living room. When I came out, there was black permanent marker all over my 55 inch TV screen. I LITERALLY FREAKED OUT. Does anyone know what is best used to clean blood out of a carpet?

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Quiet guy in class had this gem of a response

Military history class. We have this one guy in class who doesn't really say much and tends to keep to himself; just figured one of those 'man of few words' kinda guys. One day, we were discussing the planes used in WW2. Ensuing discussion goes as such

Professor: So what planes did we have du...

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A boy is at school

and he hears the older kids talking about pussy, and
their bitch. The boy confused by this goes to his mother.

"Mom", the boy asks, "What's a pussy?"

The mother being startled by this thinks quick and finds the closest
dictionary and opens it up to a picture of a cat and says "So...

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Do I have to draw you a picture?

Son: "Dad, a kid got in trouble at school today for saying "bitch" and "pussy", what does that mean?"

Dad: Grabs an old muffler shop calendar and a marker. "Look here Junior." Dad uses the marker and circles the genitalia of the nude Miss December, then points. "That right there, that i...

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An Irishman walks into a bar...

An Irishman arrived at J.F.K. Airport and wandered around the terminal with tears streaming down his cheeks. An airline employee asked him if he was already homesick. “No,” replied the Irishman “I’ve lost all me luggage!” “How’d that happen?” “The cork fell out!” said the Irishman.

An Irish p...

how do you study for a DNA test?

highlight the answers with a genetic marker

Engineer Expenses

A maintenance man was tasked to fix a complex machine that had gone down. He tries for days to fix the machine, but cannot find the root of the issue. After trying for so long, he goes back to his boss.



"Boss, I think we need to call an engineer."



"Fine. Just make ...

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A guy heads to the doctors office

It’s been a few years since he’s been in, so he decides to get a physical with blood work and labs.

He checks in with the same receptionist that was there years ago, and gets called in to see the doctor, who remembers him.

The doctor asks, “How have you been Pete?”

Pete replie...

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A wizard is walking through a cemetery one day. . .

A wizard is walking through a cemetery one day, and after paying his respects to an old friend he walks past two grave markers that each had a statue of the person buried in the grave. Both statues looked across a wide space toward each other with sadness and longing. The wizard read the epitaphs to...

I just bought a Dalmatian puppy...

And I've found out that if you join all the dots together with a marker pen...

It doesn't wash off...

I always give 100%

Which is why I was sacked from being an exam marker.

Heisenberg and Schrodinger are driving down the highway...

After they pass mile marker 16, a state trooper pulls them over for speeding. The trooper goes up to the window and sees Heisenberg behind the wheel.

Trooper: "Sir, do you have any idea how fast you were going when you passed that mile marker?"
Heisenberg: "Well I certainly don't know now ...

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Two words...

Little Jimmy comes home from school, and his mother is in the kitchen. He says "Mommy, I heard some words today on the playground and I didn't know what they meant. Can you tell me what they mean?"

His mother says "Sure, what words were they?"

Jimmy says "Well, first I heard one of the...

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Daycare is a lot like a frat house...

There's kids passed out in their clothes everywhere, it smells like piss and vomit, there's kids with magic marker all over their faces, and the girls walk around lifting their shirts up.

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Washing cars

One day, little Jimmy was walking home from school when something catches his eye. Peering into a shop window he saw a brand new red bicycle. "Wow," he thought to himself, "that sure is a great looking bike but neither my parents or I can afford it!". Jimmy stares at it in admiration for a few minut...

I was at this party the other day...

...and one of my buddies decided to have me do a magic trick to "liven up the crowd."

So I took a brand new deck of cards and asked for a single, female volunteer. I found the hottest one in the room and got her on the coffee table "stage," asked her if we knew each other in real life, if the...

The Sleeping Scotsman

A Scotsman decides one day he'd pass the time by walking the countryside. After a couple of hours, he comes to the top of a hill and sees a road down below him.


"I don't remember there being a road here. I must be more lost than I thought!"


Before trying to trek his way back ...

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