UPJOKE
confoundbefuddlediscombobulatejumbledisconcertfuddlemix upembarrassdistractbotherblurobscurebedevilthrowfox

Confuse Jokes

I hate it when people confuse one social media for another

Edit: Thanks for the likes
upvote downvote report

I got my covid test results and I'm so confused.. it was just the number 83...

On the plus side my IQ test came back positive
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got the words "jacuzzi" and "yakuza" confused.

Now I'm in hot water with the Japanese mafia.

How do you confuse an Apple user?

Give them options.
upvote downvote report

I was confused why there are so many stories about vampires in Europe, but not in Africa.

Then I remembered that vampires are killed by holy water.

They bless the rains down in Africa.
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man playing on a new golf course got confused as to what hole he was on.

He saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her and asked if she knew what hole he was playing.

She replied, “I’m on the 7th hole, and you’re a hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole.”

He thanked her and went back to his golf.

On the back nine, the same thing hap...

Why do computer scientists always confuse Christmas and Halloween?

Its cause DEC 25 = OCT 31
upvote downvote report

How do you confuse a chemist?

Hand him a bottle of Methyne.
upvote downvote report

I tend to confuse Tony Hawk with Stephen Hawking

To be fair, they both love ramps
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do you confuse a historian?

Give them a tampon and ask them what period is it from.

Do you know how to confuse a coal miner?

Show him a row of shovels and tell him to take his pick.
upvote downvote report

It’s important not to confuse metamorphic with igneous rock

After all, you can’t just take this schist for granite.
upvote downvote report

The Confused Owner of Two Horses

He had two horses, but every time he had to deal with them, he always mixed them up, so he never knew which one got fed or the one that needed to be groomed.

While talking to a bunch of his friends, someone suggested that he could measure both horses to tell them apart. When he got back...
upvote downvote report

As I was driving past a prison yesterday, I saw a dwarf scaling down the wall. Confused , I stared up at him and he sneered back.

And I thought to myself, "well that's a little condescending."
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do you confuse a gay?

7

How do you confuse a Chelsea fan?

Take them to London and ask them for directions.
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

People who confuse the words "Burro" and "Burrow"...

... don't know their ass from a hole in the ground.

I hate when people confuse "you're" and "your"

There all idiots
upvote downvote report

People who confuse etymology and entomology bug me in a way I can't put into words

thank you for making my day, u/happy_guy23
upvote downvote report

How do you confuse a reddit user?

You post a brand new joke.


(O.C)
upvote downvote report

What do you call a group of confused Spanish speaking racists?

The ¿Qué Qué Qué?
upvote downvote report

Two Canadians die and end up in Hell. Satan decides to pay them a visit, so he walks into their room and sees them talking and laughing. Confused, he asks them why they're happy.

They tell him, "Well, we're so sick of the cold where we're from, and this place is nice and toasty."

Satan, annoyed, storms away and goes to Hell's boiler room, where he turns up the temperature.

He goes back to the Canadians' room, along the way being begged by all sorts of people to...
upvote downvote report

I was confused when my boss fired me for constantly having erection at the office

He is the one who told me he liked seeing employees hard at work.
upvote downvote report

I used to confuse Star Wars with Star Trek.

It was a Wookie mistake.
upvote downvote report

Why do programmers get Halloween and Christmas confused?

Because OCT 31= DEC 25. (Yes, I realize I'm a day late on this, so sue me).
upvote downvote report

Why was the Egyptian boy confused?

Because his Daddy was a Mummy.
upvote downvote report

Why do mathematicians confuse Halloween and Christmas?

Because OCT 31 = DEC 25.

This might be the nerdiest joke I know. Here's a bonus mathematical nerd joke:

Why don't riddles work in octal notation?

Because seven ten eleven.
upvote downvote report

How do you confuse an idiot?

With 6 potatoes!
upvote downvote report

Spelling bees always confuse me.

My word was "knot"

I asked if it was "not" spelled with a "K"

My teacher said "Yes it's knot spelled with a k"

I ended up losing
upvote downvote report

Bigfoot is sometimes confused with Sasquatch,

Yeti never complains.
upvote downvote report

Sometimes I confuse Canadians and Americans

by using big words
upvote downvote report

Dihydrogen Monoxide is a complex term that can confuse many people

But to make it simple, it really just boils down to steam.
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the confused homosexual?

He couldn't think straight.

Confused husband

Over breakfast one morning, a woman said to her husband, "I'll bet you don't know what day this is."

"Of course I do," he answered as if he was offended, and left for the office.

At 10:00 a.m., the doorbell rang and when the woman opened the door, she was handed a box of a dozen long s...
upvote downvote report

Her: Let's exchange numbers

Me: Won't that confuse people who are trying to call us?
upvote downvote report

I got "poltergeist" and "zeitgeist" confused

And now disco is undead
upvote downvote report

Why are baby ants confused?

Because all their uncles are ants.
upvote downvote report

How does a programmer confuse a mathematician?

x = x + 1
upvote downvote report

I hate when people confused etymology and entomology.

In a word, it bugs me.
upvote downvote report

I'm not sure what confused the mailman more...

the fact that I came to the door naked, or the fact that I knew where he lived.
upvote downvote report

I always get Halloween and Valentine's Day confused.

They're both about candy and being something you're not.
upvote downvote report

How do you confuse a fellow stupid redditor?

37
upvote downvote report

How do you confuse a blonde?

Paint yourself green and throw forks at her.
upvote downvote report

I often confuse weasels, polecats, stoats and ferrets

It turns out that they're just not very good at riddles.
upvote downvote report

Eurovision must confuse alot of Americans

Because the one with the most votes wins
upvote downvote report

How do you confuse an idiot?

Put a pineapple on your head

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Confused?
upvote downvote report

Never confuse a Kiwi with an Aussie.

One's a soft, hairy fruit and the other's a Kiwi!
upvote downvote report

How do you confuse a panda?

You bamboo-zle it.
upvote downvote report

How can we confuse the Chinese Government?

Make our military blueprints in the form of Ikea instructions.
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

how do you confuse a masterbator?

32

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do you confuse a blond?

Tell her to piss in the corner of a round room.

How does she confuse you?

When she comes back and says she did.

Which color confuses an idiot?

Blue
upvote downvote report

My wife left a note on the fridge that said, “It’s not working. I can’t take it any more. I’m going to my mom’s.” Confused and extremely worried, I slowly opened the fridge door. The light came on, the beer was cold.

What the hell did she mean?
upvote downvote report

New Yorkers confuse me...

Half of them keep saying "fuhgeddaboudit" but the rest of them keep saying "Never forget".
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I used to confuse penises and testicles...

But then I realized there is a vas deferens between them.

How do you confuse Helen Keller?

... give her a basketball and tell her to read it.
upvote downvote report

A confused chinese student asks his master: "Master Shi, why do all chinese look the same?"

Then the Master replyed: "I am not master Shi."
upvote downvote report

A guy walks into a juice bar, looks around confused, and walks back out.

There was no punch line.
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Confused

Two lovers fall on hard times and decided to rob a bank together. The first lover plans the robbery and goes over the plan with the second lover in great detail.

The robbery begins. The first lover drives up in front of the bank, stops the car and says to the other lover, "I want to make abso...

How do you confuse a drummer?

Give him sheet music
upvote downvote report

How do you confuse a Jew?

Put the bacon on sale for half-off.
upvote downvote report

I was driving with my dad when we passed a cemetery. My dad goes in a low, dark, creepy voice, "I know something about this cemetery that you don’t.” And I was like what is it? He continued, "The people living in this town can’t be buried here.” I was really confused so I asked why?

He rasped, "Cuz they’re still alive!"
upvote downvote report

I was confused when my printer started making music

Until i realized the paper was... jamming.
upvote downvote report

How do you confuse a Polish labourer?

Lay down an axe and a shovel and tell him to take his pick.
upvote downvote report

At first I was confused when my boss told me to go get the Geiger counter…

…but then it clicked.
upvote downvote report

How to confuse a waitperson.

I'm not having what she's not having.
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old Englishman was very confused by what his loner teenage son had done

His son had made a 70s style carpet out of raven corpses. He confronted his son, who replied “sorry dad, thought you meant this when you said I should go out and shag some birds.”

Confused Girl

Girl: Excuse me, where do you get those- Gold Necklaces with the “t” on it?

Man: That’s a Cross

Girl: Across from Where?
upvote downvote report

Turns out Trump just got confused

He made the swamp great again and drained America.
upvote downvote report

Rhetorical questions confuse me

If someone asks you something, you're supposed to answer them, right?
upvote downvote report

Why did the flower with no smell confuse people?

Because it didn't make any scents!!


.


.

.

.

Get it..scents sounds like sense...sort of..so it's funny because the.. okay I'm sorry I'll just see myself out.
upvote downvote report

Don't confuse your Google search with my computer scienc--

-- actually, never mind. It amounts to the same thing.
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does a confused hitler say?

What the heil is going on

Why do Australians always confuse poker with chess?

Because they go "Check... Mate"
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was confused the other day when someone told me I can make ice cubes with left over wine.

What the fuck is "left over wine"?

How do you confuse Hellen Keller?

step on her books with golf shoes
upvote downvote report

People who confuse their/there/they're are dumb.

They seriously can't put two and to toogether.
upvote downvote report

Confuse two different sayings, shame on you

But teach a man to fish, shame on me for life
upvote downvote report

How do you confuse a girl?

Buy her a pair of chocolate shoes
upvote downvote report

Which number confuses people?

82
upvote downvote report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.

Do Not Sell My Personal Information