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Fox Jokes

Why did the Fox News Christmas tree catch fire?

They left it too close to the gaslight.

Rumour got round that the bear kept a list of all the animals he plans to kill.

Scared and confused, the wolf went to confront the bear.

"Bear," said wolf. "Do you really keep a list of all the animals you plan to kill?"

"I do." said the bear.

"And... Is my name on it?" asked the wolf.

"It is." the bear growled. And the following morning, the wol...

A Fox, a Rabbit and a Bear are about to be drafted into the military.

The Fox says “There is no way I’m the world I’m letting myself get drafted, we need to find a way for us to get excused. Are you guys with me?”
The Bear and the Rabbit agree.
The Fox, quickly thinking, suggests: “I’ll cut off my own tail. A Fox without a tail is useless, right?”
The Rabbit ...

Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one. Michael J. Fox has a small one. Madonna doesn’t have one. The Pope has one but never uses. Donald Trump has one and uses it. What is it?

A surname/last name

I think I saw Michael J Fox in a garden centre earlier today

At least I think it was him, he had his back to the fuchsias

A bear, an otter, and a silver fox walk into a bar.

(They met on grindr)

Caitlyn Jenner is going to be working on Fox News.

Now they’ll have two tuckers.

What is orange and lives in a forest but isn't a fox?

I lied. It was a fox

What's the difference between a dog and a fox?

Four drinks.

I called Animal control Welfare today and said, "I've just found a suitcase in the woods with a fox and four cubs."

"That's terrible," the woman on the phone replied. "Are they moving?"

"I'm not sure, to be honest," I said, "But that would explain the suitcase."

How do you turn a fox into an elephant?

Marry her.

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Q: Do you know why Michael J. Fox makes such good milkshakes?

A: Because he uses really good ingredients, what did you think asshole?

"It's a long tale" said the fox

"I'm all ears" said the elephant

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Fox News recently interviewed Texas attorney general Ken Paxton....

Fox News recently interviewed Texas attorney general Ken Paxton and asked him if it was true that they were going to bring back sodomy laws. He answered: "No ifs, ands, or butts."

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Creation of a Pussy

Seven wise men with knowledge so fine,
Created a pussy to their design.

First was a butcher, smart with wit.
Using a knife, he gave it a slit.

Second was a carpenter, strong and bold.
With a hammer and chisel, he gave it a hole.

Third was a tailor, tall and thin
Usin...

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Six Lessons

**Lesson 1:**

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbour. Before she says a word, Bob says, “I’ll give y...

I am not sure the news anchors at CNN and FOX are very handy at home.

All I ever hear is them breaking the news.

How many American conservatives do you need to screw in a lightbulb?

Ten.

One holds the bulb, the other nine wait for Fox News to spin it.

What does the Fox say?

We're canceling all of your favorite shows.

Antiwork did an interview on Fox News to try to create a good public image of their sub

It didn't work.

It turns out, 'Fox News' has no actual coverage of foxes.

I was also disappointed by BBC news.

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A rabbit is running around the woods

When he encounters and elephant, who was just about to light a joint.

The rabbit yells: "No!! Are you seriously gonna throw your life away like that? Come run with me, that's way more healthy!!"

So the elephant starts running with the rabbit, they run through the woods until they enco...

A Christian, a Muslim, and a Witch all die and go to the afterlife.

A Christian, a Muslim, and a Witch of the Norse gods all die and go to the afterlife.

They find that, waiting for them at the entrance to the afterlife is Anubis, waiting with a set of scales, with a feather on one side.

Above Anubis is a sign, "You wait with your heart, if less than f...

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The Russian conscript

Ivan had just been conscripted to fight in Ukraine. As part of his basic training he had to participate in a war game. The day of the war game, Ivan realised he had misplaced his rifle, so he went to his Lieutenant: “ Lieutenant, I lost my rifle. What am I going to use for the war games?”
“I don’...

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Don't follow a fox!

A lion is walking with his lioness in the woods, when suddenly a redfox appears out of no where and starts yelling at the lion calling him all names, the lioness turns to the lion and says : defend yourself! he is baffling your honor! to what the lion calmly responded : he is a little basted, beside...

An old Russian joke about recruitment

A wolf is going around in the forest talking to animals

“Bear, you are to come at 2pm to my lair to be eaten”
“Yes, wolf”

“Fox, you are to come at 2pm to my lair to be eaten”
“Yes, wolf”

“Hare, you are to come at 2pm to my lair to be eaten”
“I don’t want to”
“Very we...

A rabbit, a fox and a bear have to enroll in the army.

Neither of the 3 are very happy about it and the only chance they have to avoid it is by being rejected during the medical exam. As They are waiting in line at the doctors office their desperation builds up untill right before it's the rabbits turn.
The rabbit turns to the fox: "Fox I might h...

I have the eyes of a hawk, the heart of a lion, the ears of a fox

And a lifetime ban from the zoo.

They held a beauty pageant for all those Fox News blondes...

And named the winner "Miss Information".

A rabbit says to a fox, "I'm writing a dissertation on how rabbits eat foxes"

"Come on, you know that's impossible! No one will publish such rubbish." says the fox

"Well, follow me and I'll show you." They both go into the rabbit's dwelling and after a while, the rabbit emerges with a satisfied expression on his face.

Then comes a wolf. "Hello, what are we doin...

A Rottweiler, a Cavalier and a Wire Fox Terrier died

A Rottweiler, a Cavalier and a Wire Fox Terrier died and are standing in front of God at the entrance to the Kingdom of Heaven

God asks all three, what they believe in?

The Rottweiler says: "I believe in discipline, training and loyalty to my owner." "Good," says God, "take a se...

A fox, a wolf and a weasel all go to a restaurant.

The waitress comes over and asks what they want to drink.
"Water" says the Fox,
"Coffee" growls the Wolf,
And "Pop!" Goes the Weasel!

What's the difference between a Shakespeare comedy and Fox News?

One's The Taming of the Shrew, the other is the shaming of the true.

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A Native American child asks his father what his sister's name means.

He tells the child, "since we are one with the earth, after you are born, the elder steps out to gaze upon the land. The first thing that he sees will be your name. When your sister was born, the elder stepped out and saw a fox running through the field. And so we named her Running Fox."

"Wha...

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A fox got lost in the jungle.

A fox got lost in the jungle.

The fox noticed that a leopard stalking it. The fox grabbed the bone from the ground, turned his back to the Leopard and just as the leopard was attacking,
the fox spat the bone out of his mouth and said: "Agh, it was a bad-tasting leopard I just killed."...

The Rabbit starts running in the forest...

As he runs past a tree, he meets the Bear shooting himself with heroine.
-Why are you ruining your life, dear Bear?-asks the Rabbit.-Lets run together!
Now they are running along, but as they run more and more, they meet the Fox, who is boiling some crack.
-Why are you shortening your life,...

Prince Charles decides to visit Perth

The future King has not been getting a great reception in the United Kingdom so decides to go somewhere more remote. Not long after his arrival in Perth, he is walking down the Hay Street Mall with an interesting choice of head wear. A Davy Crocket style hat, real fox fur with the tail at the back, ...

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I'm trying to build interest for my new children's book

It's about a vixen whose tail hurts, and each page after the introduction is a new animal trying to help her heal or deal with the pain. Sadly, every publisher I've contacted has rejected the manuscript outright.

I'm not giving up, though. "For Fox' ache" will find it's audience someday.

The average fox can jump higher than a house.

This is in part due to their powerful hind legs, but mainly because houses can't jump.

Credit: u/Ineedabarfbag saw in a comment

Dear Fox News.....

I have yet to see any news about foxes.

Sincerely, Disappointed viewer.....

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Fox is trying to relax on his day off, so he decides to roll a joint...

While he's rolling it up, a rabbit passes by and sees him in the act.

"Hey fox! What you doing bro? Smoking weed? You know that stuff is bad for you! Let's go for a run instead! Running is healthy, and there's no better feeling than health!"

The fox, slightly embarrassed of his smoking...

Michael J Fox takes a job as a bartender

On his first shift James Bond walks in.

"What'll it be?" Says Michael

Bond takes one look at him and replies.

"I'll have a Martini"

What's the difference between a washing machine and Fox news?

No difference: They both spin dirty laundry till it smells better.

Wizard: A fox prophesied doom!

King: Foxes lie. Why'd you listen to a Fox for news?

What do you get when you cross Michael J Fox and Nitroglycerin?

A tragedy

"Mom, turn on FOX. I want to hear the news."

You'll have to pick one or the other.

A bus full of ugly people drives off a cliff.

They all make it to Heaven. When they get there God makes them all form a single-file line before the pearly gates and explains to them that as you enter paradise, you can make one wish, so long as it's not to come back to life or anything that interferes with the world of the living.

The...

"Can I get a pet fox?"

While browsing the forums I read a simple post, the question "Can I get a pet fox?"

Clicking inside, I read the top answer. "You can't tame a fox, but you can leash it to a post." Which I thought was a really succinct and apt commentary on how exotic pet ownership is sometimes unfair to speci...

Latest Fox News election poll shows Trump way ahead ...

... in all 87 states.

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A rabbit spots a fox rolling a blunt

The rabbit dashes to him and shout : " Don't smoke weed man, just go for a run with me!"

And so they went for a run.

After a running for a bit they spot a squirrel ready to snort up a big fat line of coke.

The rabbit again dashes to him and shouts : "Mate, don't do it! just go f...

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It was a dark and rainy night…..

Our hero’s car had broken down right in front of an old looking mansion.

After knocking, an old Chinese man came to the door. “ I was wondering if it’s at all possible you might have a room for me for the night. I will be out of your hair the next morning and on my way to the service stati...

A Jewish joke updated for modern times

Pastor Jackson and his secretary were sitting in a coffeehouse in Washington DC in 2022. "Pastor Jackson," said his secretary, "I notice you're reading Fox News! I can't understand why. A Black libel website! Are you some kind of masochist, or, God forbid, a self-hating Black person?"

"On the...

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Karate Dog

A man walks into an exotic pet shop and is surrounded by animals he would not consider as normal pets: foxes, tigers, tarantulas, monkeys. He sees a dog in a crate in the corner.

He asks the shop owner, "why is there a regular dog in an exotic pet shop?"

The owner replies, "it's actual...

Fox News' slogan is "Fair and Balanced".

That's it. That's the joke.

Why does Michael J Fox like COVID-19?

No more hand shaking!

Fox Mulder, Dana Scully, and her brother Bill are at Mulder's house party. They all gather around a pizza box with only 3 slices left.

SCULLY: Mulder, there isn't enough for each of us to have two. You'll have to share.

MULDER: I want two. Bill, leave.

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The lion and the fox

A lion and his wife lived in a cave, and everyday there was this fox who would come sit in front of the cave and start making fun of the lion and teasing him: "You call yourself a king? You're nothing but a pussy who's afraid of his own shadow. If you're a real lion come out here and fight me! Oh, y...

What does the British fox say?

Hot tea hot tea hot tea ho!

FOX new has saved my legs!

I got into a terridle car crash and and lost the use of my legs. When I was in the hospital, FOX news came on the TV. I got up to change the channel.

What would the headline be if Barack Obama walked on water across a lake in full view of a Fox News reporter?

"OBAMA CAN'T SWIM"

There's a family of fox.

The father fox.

The mother fox.

And the baby watches.

What does the Fox say?

Something right wing I guess

Michael J. Fox asked James Bond to come over for dinner one night.

Being a polite host, he offered Bond a drink when he arrived. "What'll ya have?" he asked.

"I'll have a Martini," Bond replied.

"How do you want it?" Michael J. Fox asked.

"Shaken, not stirred."

"Oh, thank God."

who is James bonds favorite bar tender?

Michael J. Fox

What do Michael J. Fox and the new guy at the warehouse have in common?

Both have trouble with the fork lift

Fox News has determined the cause of the recent plane crash.

It was the left wing.

The lion decided to invite everyone to his birthday party. But, him being the king, he ordered everybody to bring him meat as a present, or else he will hit them with his massive dong. And soon, the day came and all the animals lined up infront of the lion's cave with their presents.

The Wolf wanted to gift the King lamb, the fox had a chicken, the leopard an antilope, and so on...The lion greeted all of his guests and welcomed them to the party. Suddenly, the rabbit stood infront of him with a carrot. All guests went silent. The lion looked him in the eyes and said: " You know...

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8 Life Lessons — NOT OC

I'll credit this as last posted by u/NinjaNoob99.

-----

*SHOWER:*

A woman gets out of the shower just as her husband is going to his room. Hearing a knock on the front door, she wraps herself in her bathrobe before stepping outside. She sees her neighbor, who says "I'll give you...

Michael J Fox stole my old iPhone & hacked his way into it.

I think he’s looking for The Secret of my 6S

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After a long winter, a mountain lion, a wolf, and a fox...

After a long winter, a mountain lion, a wolf, and a fox get together and each tells how they spent the winter.

The mountain lion says, "I spent my winter in a pigpen, and each day I ate a pig. The owner counted the pigs, saw that some were missing, and set a trap from which I barely escaped."...

Three blondes are walking when they come across tracks. The first blondes says “I know these, they’re deer tracks!” The second says “No! They’re bear tracks” Finally the third speaks up and says “Your both wrong! They’re obviously fox trails!”

They were still arguing when the train hit them.

The difference between a freshman girls cross country team and a litter of baby foxes?

One is a bunch of cunning little runts...

Who's Michael J. Fox's favorite author?

Shake-spear

I hope Terry Fox's cross country treks in the Marathon of Hope was an inspiration to all

not to skip-leg day.

Why did the stroke victim start watching Fox News.

He had started leaning to the right.

Things Michael J. Fox would be good at

Grating Parmesan cheese.

How do you kill a Fox?

Cut his leg off and make him run across Canada.

Why God? Why?

One day a fellow was watching Fox News and learned about a new virus that was rapidly spreading and quickly killing those who got sick with it. The nightly news reports got worse and worse, this Covid-19 virus was spreading around the world and killing increasingly large numbers of people. But he wa...

Michael J. Fox has contracted coronavirus

Contact tracing shows he got it from shaking hands

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