A Fox, a Rabbit and a Bear are about to be drafted into the military.

The Fox says “There is no way I’m the world I’m letting myself get drafted, we need to find a way for us to get excused. Are you guys with me?”
The Bear and the Rabbit agree.
The Fox, quickly thinking, suggests: “I’ll cut off my own tail. A Fox without a tail is useless, right?”
The Rabbit ...

It turns out, 'Fox News' has no actual coverage of foxes.

I was also disappointed by BBC news.

Wizard: A fox prophesied doom!

King: Foxes lie. Why'd you listen to a Fox for news?

My pet fox died...

It’s no wonder, ‘cause he was a 20th Century Fox.

A rabbit says to a fox, "I'm writing a dissertation on how rabbits eat foxes"

"Come on, you know that's impossible! No one will publish such rubbish." says the fox

"Well, follow me and I'll show you." They both go into the rabbit's dwelling and after a while, the rabbit emerges with a satisfied expression on his face.

Then comes a wolf. "Hello, what are we doin...

A rabbit, a fox and a bear have to enroll in the army.

Neither of the 3 are very happy about it and the only chance they have to avoid it is by being rejected during the medical exam. As They are waiting in line at the doctors office their desperation builds up untill right before it's the rabbits turn.
The rabbit turns to the fox: "Fox I might h...

Think I saw Michael J Fox at the garden centre this morning

Can’t be sure though, he had his back to the fuchsias

The average fox can jump higher than a house.

This is in part due to their powerful hind legs, but mainly because houses can't jump.

Credit: u/Ineedabarfbag saw in a comment

A cold snap across the United States has seen Texas dealing with temperatures as low as -18

The demand for electricity has led to blackouts across the state, causing some people to go without Fox News for so long, they've stopped blaming the weather on Joe Biden.

"Can I get a pet fox?"

While browsing the forums I read a simple post, the question "Can I get a pet fox?"

Clicking inside, I read the top answer. "You can't tame a fox, but you can leash it to a post." Which I thought was a really succinct and apt commentary on how exotic pet ownership is sometimes unfair to speci...

Michael J Fox takes a job as a bartender

On his first shift James Bond walks in.

"What'll it be?" Says Michael

Bond takes one look at him and replies.

"I'll have a Martini"

What do you get when you cross Michael J Fox and Nitroglycerin?

A tragedy

Why does Michael J Fox like COVID-19?

No more hand shaking!

What's the difference between a washing machine and Fox news?

No difference: They both spin dirty laundry till it smells better.

What’s Terry Fox’s favourite restaurant?

IHOP.

My friend wanted to borrow my fennec

No fox given

The Prince of Wales and the Duke of Edinburgh

The recent death of the Duke of Edinburgh reminded me of the time that Prince Charles went to open a school in Brixton in London. The Prince's speech went well, but people were distracted by his headwear, which was a Davey Crockett-type hat made from fox fur, with the fox's tail hanging down at the ...

She went missing !

Husband: My wife is missing. She went mountain biking yesterday and has not come home!

Officer: Age?

Husband: I'm not sure. Somewhere between 25 and 35. We don't do birthdays.

Officer: Height?

Husband: I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.

OFFICER : Weig...

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6 Life Lessons

6 life lessons

**Lesson 1:**

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbour. Before she says a word, ...

Billie Piper has ruled out a return to Dr Who and adventures in the TARDIS...

She said if she wanted to hang around with an eccentrically-dressed know-all who constantly got them into misadventures, she'd remarry Lawrence Fox

How do u turn a fox into an elephant?

Marry it.

I called the RSPCA

I called the RSPCA today and said, "I've just found a suitcase in the woods containing a fox and four cubs."

"That's terrible," the woman on the phone replied. "Are they moving?"

"I'm not sure, to be honest, but that would explain the suitcase’’

Latest Fox News election poll shows Trump way ahead ...

... in all 87 states.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the difference between me and Michael J. Fox?

When I furiously masturbate in front of a urinal, i get thrown out of the building

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This farmer has a roster that screws every living creature in sight...

Farmer's neighbor wants to breed his chickens, but his rooster was eaten by a fox, so he goes and asks his neighbor for help.

"Hey Joe... So, I know your roster has quite a sex drive. How about you make some money and wear him out a bit? I need about 200 of my hens bred and will pay you well ...

A crow sits on a telephone pole, doing nothing - looking stupid

A crow is sitting on a telephone pole when his mate, another crow arrives.

Crow#2 asks his friend: "Hey buddy, what are you doing?"

Crow#1: "Nothing really, just sitting here and looking stupid"

Crow#2: "Sounds cool, I wanna try that, too!"

An hour later a 3rd crow arrive...

Why does Thanos watch Fox News?

Because it’s fair and perfectly balanced.

What does the Fox say?

We're canceling all of your favorite shows.

What's the difference between a Shakespeare comedy and Fox News?

One's The Taming of the Shrew, the other is the shaming of the true.

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Q: Do you know why Michael J. Fox makes such good milkshakes?

A: Because he uses quality ingredients, what did you think asshole?

Who's Michael J. Fox's favorite author?

Shake-spear

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A snail saves the day

A bear, a moose, a fox, a wolf and a snail were playing cards around a table. Suddenly, the bear let out a faint roar and said:

“Guys, I’m hungry. Could someone go buy some chocolate, or whatever?”

The moose shook his head and nodded towards the fox, who irritatingly slammed his little...

Fox News is reporting President Trump's polling at an all-time low....

...with only a 108% approval rating.

What would the headline be if Barack Obama walked on water across a lake in full view of a Fox News reporter?

"OBAMA CAN'T SWIM"

Michael J Fox stole my old iPhone & hacked his way into it.

I think he’s looking for The Secret of my 6S

A Prince was visiting a small, unknown village wearing a fancy hat made from the hair of a fox...

The villagers asked the Prince, "That is a magnificent hat you have, what made you decide to wear it?"

"Well", said the Prince, "I was telling the Queen about my plan to visit your small village and she replied, 'Wear the fox hat?' And that's why I'm wearing it today"

Arnold Schwarzenegger has a long one. Michael J. Fox has a short one. Madonna does not have one. The Pope does not really use his. And Justin Bieber always uses his. What is it?

A last name

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Fox is trying to relax on his day off, so he decides to roll a joint...

While he's rolling it up, a rabbit passes by and sees him in the act.

"Hey fox! What you doing bro? Smoking weed? You know that stuff is bad for you! Let's go for a run instead! Running is healthy, and there's no better feeling than health!"

The fox, slightly embarrassed of his smoking...

A man goes into a pet store and demands an amazing pet for a very cheap price

The shop keeper says "I have a talking fox for only £20" the man exclaims " foxes can't talk!" While he's rambling on the fox puts his paw up on the desk and says "actually I can talk... I've written 3 books and I climbed up mount Everest for the 2nd time yesterday!" The man says "wow he's amazing, ...

My friend drew a fox.

He paid a lot of attention to detail.

I have the eyes of a hawk, the heart of a lion, the ears of a fox

And a lifetime ban from the zoo.

I hope Terry Fox's cross country treks in the Marathon of Hope was an inspiration to all

not to skip-leg day.

Top news stories for yesterday

CNN: Trump phone call

MSNBC: Trump phone call

Fox news: Does walking a dog make you happier?

What does the Fox say?

Something right wing I guess

Three hunters go into the forest

One is really good, one is ok, and the third one is bad.

the first day, the good hunter goes out and comes back after a few hours with two deer. Astounded, the other two ask how he did it. he says "simple. I see deer tracks, I follow deer tracks, I see deer, I shoot deer, and bring it home fo...

Mario was sick of jumping around all day

He felt like he should be more politically involved. A few weeks ago, his friend Toad helped him set up a TV (mostly for watching trashy reality shows), but Mario became obsessed with US news networks. CNN, Fox News, MSNBC, you name it. He had heard before of American democracy, and found it prefera...

What's the difference between a fox and a dog?

About 8 pints of lager

A man from a primitive island walked into a library...

He asked the librarian how he could learn more about survival and rope making.


The librarian sat him down at one of the computers and told him, "Okay, open firefox."
With a confused glance, the man stood up and walked out of the library.
The librarian continued her shift until...

Three men go on a hunting trip in the woods...

They gather around the fire at dusk. They eat and drink and tell stories. Then slowly the fire goes down, and they finish their drinks. The men have no more stories to tell, and boredom starts to take over.

"ENOUGH!" Says the first man, standing up. "We should do something! I bet the two of ...

What does the British fox say?

Hot tea hot tea hot tea ho!

Dear Fox News.....

I have yet to see any news about foxes.

Sincerely, Disappointed viewer.....

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If a rabbit lives in a rabbit hole and fox lives in a foxhole

Does that mean a donkey lives in an asshole?

A fox, a wolf and a weasel all go to a restaurant.

The waitress comes over and asks what they want to drink.
"Water" says the Fox,
"Coffee" growls the Wolf,
And "Pop!" Goes the Weasel!

A man is walking in the woods when he finds a suitcase.

He opens the suitcase and inside are three foxes.
So he calles emergency services and says

"I just found three foxes in a suitcase. What should I do?"

"Well," the operator said, "Are they moving?"

"I don't know," he said, "But that would explain the suitcase."

Michael J. Fox has contracted coronavirus

Contact tracing shows he got it from shaking hands

The difference between a freshman girls cross country team and a litter of baby foxes?

One is a bunch of cunning little runts...

There's a family of fox.

The father fox.

The mother fox.

And the baby watches.

Fox Mulder, Dana Scully, and her brother Bill are at Mulder's house party. They all gather around a pizza box with only 3 slices left.

SCULLY: Mulder, there isn't enough for each of us to have two. You'll have to share.

MULDER: I want two. Bill, leave.

TIL FOX news was started by a Frenchman

Unfortunately, they had to americanize the name from FAUX news

The lion decided to invite everyone to his birthday party. But, him being the king, he ordered everybody to bring him meat as a present, or else he will hit them with his massive dong. And soon, the day came and all the animals lined up infront of the lion's cave with their presents.

The Wolf wanted to gift the King lamb, the fox had a chicken, the leopard an antilope, and so on...The lion greeted all of his guests and welcomed them to the party. Suddenly, the rabbit stood infront of him with a carrot. All guests went silent. The lion looked him in the eyes and said: " You know...

"Mom, turn on FOX. I want to hear the news."

You'll have to pick one or the other.

What do Michael J. Fox and the new guy at the warehouse have in common?

Both have trouble with the fork lift

Late again!” the third-grade teacher sternly said to Little Johnny.

“It ain’t my fault this time, Miss Russell. You can blame this ‘un on my Daddy. The reason I’m three hours late is my Daddy sleeps naked!”

Now, Miss Russell had taught grammar school for thirty-some-odd years.

Despite her mounting fears, she asked Little Johnny what he meant by that....

I was driving in the road and almost hit a fox...

...so I thought it would be a great pet for me.

Placed it over the backseat and continued driving. 2 miles ahead a police officer stopped me and asked me if h could inspect my vehicle due to reports of drug dealers in the area, I agreed, as soon he aproached the back window he saw the fox and...

My daughters fall asleep to white noise.

So in the evenings, we turn on Fox News.

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The lion, king of the jungle, gets bored

So he decides to visit his friend the fox and tells him about how bored he was..

The fox says to the Lion "you know, rabbit lives next to you, maybe you can fuck with him to pass the time"

"But how?" Says the lion

Fox - "next time you see him, if he is not wearing a hat give him...

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When 2 dogs meet each other

(This is a joke my dad told me when I was a kid)

Once a long time ago, there was a king who loved hunting. His favorite method was hunting with dogs. So over the course of his life he gathered as many dogs as he could find and used them to hunt his game.

One day he came up to his dogs...

After binge watching CNN, fox, and msnbc - simultaneously - for nearly two days - a man decided he would hang himself in protest of the media's lack of integrity...

Thankfully was unsuccessful. The rope broke.

He probably would be dead right now if not for that fake noose.

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A rabbit spots a fox rolling a blunt

The rabbit dashes to him and shout : " Don't smoke weed man, just go for a run with me!"

And so they went for a run.

After a running for a bit they spot a squirrel ready to snort up a big fat line of coke.

The rabbit again dashes to him and shouts : "Mate, don't do it! just go f...

How do you kill a Fox?

Cut his leg off and make him run across Canada.

What's the quickest way to turn a fox into a dog?

Marry it.

Three blondes are walking when they come across tracks. The first blondes says “I know these, they’re deer tracks!” The second says “No! They’re bear tracks” Finally the third speaks up and says “Your both wrong! They’re obviously fox trails!”

They were still arguing when the train hit them.

Why doesn’t Micheal J. Fox own an ice cream shop?

He can only sell shakes.

Michael J. Fox asked James Bond to come over for dinner one night.

Being a polite host, he offered Bond a drink when he arrived. "What'll ya have?" he asked.

"I'll have a Martini," Bond replied.

"How do you want it?" Michael J. Fox asked.

"Shaken, not stirred."

"Oh, thank God."

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The Tale of the Animal Band

So there was this horse, and recently he had gone through some tough times. His wife left him, he lost his job, and rent day was coming ever closer. This is when he had a brainwave: He was going to get his childhood band back together. So the first member to convince was the cow. Now the cow was pre...

I'm going to start my own brand of rice wine called "Shi Kitsune"

Of course we'll have to translate it for the US market, Four Fox Sake

Fox has just announced they have canceled Empire

I hope Jussie Smollett doesn’t beat himself up over it.

Donald trump was getting his daily briefing...

“Sir, there was another 60,000 cases of corona and a thousand Americans died”

“Huh” - the orange elder barely nods and continues watching Fox.

“Sir- also there was a riot in downtown DC and two cops and fourteen protesters are dead and sixteen in custody”
“Yawn... next”, replies th...

A Banker, a Fox News fan and a welfare recipient are at a table sharing 12 cookies...

The banker takes 11 cookies and says to the Fox News fan: "Watch out for the welfare guy, he wants your cookie!".

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