How do you turn a fox into an elephant?

Marry her.

What do Michael J. Fox and the new guy at the warehouse have in common?

Both have trouble with the fork lift

Arnold Schwarzenegger has a long one, Michael Fox has a short one, Madonna doesn't have one, The pope has one but doesn't use it. What is it?

A last name :)

I was driving in the road and almost hit a fox...

...so I thought it would be a great pet for me.

Placed it over the backseat and continued driving. 2 miles ahead a police officer stopped me and asked me if h could inspect my vehicle due to reports of drug dealers in the area, I agreed, as soon he aproached the back window he saw the fox and...

How does Michael J. Fox make the best milkshakes?

With the finest ingredients.

Why did the stroke victim start watching Fox News.

He had started leaning to the right.

What does the British fox say?

Hot tea hot tea hot tea ho!

Fox Mulder, Dana Scully, and her brother Bill are at Mulder's house party. They all gather around a pizza box with only 3 slices left.

SCULLY: Mulder, there isn't enough for each of us to have two. You'll have to share.

MULDER: I want two. Bill, leave.

What did the frog say to the fox, at the end of the river?

Croak Croak Croak

Sorry.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Have you heard the one about the President and the porn star?

No?

You should really watch something other than Fox News.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

If a rabbit lives in a rabbit hole and fox lives in a foxhole

Does that mean a donkey lives in an asshole?

What’s the difference between a dog and a fox?

About 10 beers.

Michael J. Fox

Terrific at making martinis. Terrible at stealing tambourines.

After binge watching CNN, fox, and msnbc - simultaneously - for nearly two days - a man decided he would hang himself in protest of the media's lack of integrity...

Thankfully was unsuccessful. The rope broke.

He probably would be dead right now if not for that fake noose.

What does the Fox say?

We're canceling all of your favorite shows.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Two Minute Management Course

Lesson One ...

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.

A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?"

The eagle answered: "Sure, why not."

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Six Lessons of Life

**Lesson 1:**

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbour. Before she says a word, Bob says, “I’ll give y...

Why doesn’t Micheal J. Fox own an ice cream shop?

He can only sell shakes.

How do you kill a one legged fox? (dark humor)

You make him run halfway across Canada.

Fox News has determined the cause of the recent plane crash.

It was the left wing.

"Mom, turn on FOX. I want to hear the news."

You'll have to pick one or the other.

Me and Michael J Fox have a hand shake...

he must really like it because he keeps practicing it.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Two soldiers were sitting on the front line in a fox hole

They were both on edge as they knew tonight would be their last night alive. The enemy was swiftly approaching and it was only a matter of time before they were over run.
Soldier 1- “I need to take a shit”
Soldier 2- “dude don’t leave me here”
Soldier 1- “ I cant shit with you here, I get s...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A sly fox jumps over a impulsive lioness

Once there lived a sly fox in a vast jungle. He knew every nook and corner of the jungle. One day he went to the lion's den and started calling out the lion for a fight.

The fox said,"Come out, you coward lion. I'm gonna carve out your inside with my bare hands". But the lion didn't move an i...

Why couldn't the fox get matches on Tinder?

Because Swiper no swiping.

Three blondes are walking when they come across tracks. The first blondes says “I know these, they’re deer tracks!” The second says “No! They’re bear tracks” Finally the third speaks up and says “Your both wrong! They’re obviously fox trails!”

They were still arguing when the train hit them.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A lion and his wife where sitting around one morning when a fox came by

... and started cursing "Fuck the lion, king of the jungle my ass, fuck this fuck that..." and then ran off, the lioness looks at the lion and says : "aren't you going to do something?!" and the lion said: "Just leave him alone"

The next morning same thing happens, and the lioness asks the li...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

NSFW A bear wakes up from hibernation

A bear wakes up from hibernation, after so much time alone the bear is very horny. He goes out of his cave and looks for something to fuck.
After some time he catches a squirrel and starts to fuck it really hard. 'No no no, I need to fuck a bigger animal' thought the bear.
Luckly for him, a ...

James Bond walks into a bar...

James Bond walks into a bar.

Michael J. Fox is the bartender.

James Bond says "I'll have a martini."

He does not need to specify.

[Long] The American Fox Hunt

The US president, wanting to see which of his intelligence agencies was the best, released a fox into a wood and asked various agencies to catch it.

The NSA goes first. They tap the phone lines within the rabbit holes and monitor any internet searches on fox related topics within the wood. Af...

I have the eyes of a hawk, the heart of a lion, the ears of a fox

And a lifetime ban from the zoo.

What do you call a fox hole full of stoned soldiers?

A Pot Hole

yes I know it's a head slapper it's so corny!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A rabbit spots a fox rolling a blunt

The rabbit dashes to him and shout : " Don't smoke weed man, just go for a run with me!"

And so they went for a run.

After a running for a bit they spot a squirrel ready to snort up a big fat line of coke.

The rabbit again dashes to him and shouts : "Mate, don't do it! just go f...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A black man, a Muslim, and a Communist walk into a bar...

The bartender says, "Hello, Mr. President!"

Courtesy of my Fox News-watching mom...

Dear Fox News.....

I have yet to see any news about foxes.

Sincerely, Disappointed viewer.....

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

After a long winter, a mountain lion, a wolf, and a fox...

After a long winter, a mountain lion, a wolf, and a fox get together and each tells how they spent the winter.

The mountain lion says, "I spent my winter in a pigpen, and each day I ate a pig. The owner counted the pigs, saw that some were missing, and set a trap from which I barely escaped."...

A man is walking through the woods...

when he come across a suitcase. Inside the suitcase he finds a fox and her cubs. He dials animal control to report his discovery.

The woman on the other end exclaims, "That's horrible... are they moving?

The man responds, "I don't know but that would explain the suitcase"

Found 4 fox cubs

I called the ISPCA today and said, "I've just found a suitcase in the woods containing a fox and four cubs."

"That's terrible," the woman on the phone replied. "Are they moving?"

"I'm not sure, to be honest," I said, "But that would explain the suitcase."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Stranded

So a plane crashes near a deserted island, and the only survivors are Megan Fox and a guy named Bill. So for months, Bill builds her a shelter, catches fish, cooks, and takes care of Megan, while being a perfect gentleman.

So then Megan approaches Bill one night, and they make passionate lov...

Why do Fox News and CNN journalists go to the same gym?

It has a really great spin class.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What did the octopus say to the fox?

"What the fuck are you doing in the ocean?"

I just saw a "Breaking News" link from Fox News come across my Facebook feed

Fully thought it was their new slogan

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Michael J Fox is the next hollywood star accused of sexual assault.

His victim said "his hands were everywhere"

A fox, a wolf and a weasel all go to a restaurant.

The waitress comes over and asks what they want to drink.
"Water" says the Fox,
"Coffee" growls the Wolf,
And "Pop!" Goes the Weasel!

The lion is celebrating a party. All animals are invited, only the hamster is not.

The hamster does not want to miss the party and asks the rabbit: "Hey, rabbit, can´t you smuggle me in behind your big ears to the lion's party?" The rabbit´answers, "Nope, I'm not tired of life, if the lion noticed that, it would be my end."

The hamster then asks the fox: "Listen, fox, can´t...

Fox News' slogan is "Fair and Balanced".

That's it. That's the joke.

Why does President Trump only drink liquor made by Fox News?

Everything else is fake booze.

I thought I saw Michael J Fox in a garden centre the other day

I can’t be sure though, he had his back to the fuchsias.

Bill O'Reilly not returning to Fox

You can't explain that

What do you call Michael J. Fox spinning around in a chair?

A fidget spinner

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The lion and the fox

A lion and his wife lived in a cave, and everyday there was this fox who would come sit in front of the cave and start making fun of the lion and teasing him: "You call yourself a king? You're nothing but a pussy who's afraid of his own shadow. If you're a real lion come out here and fight me! Oh, y...

FOX new has saved my legs!

I got into a terridle car crash and and lost the use of my legs. When I was in the hospital, FOX news came on the TV. I got up to change the channel.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

We were watching the Megan Fox Ninja Turtle movie with my son.

And my wife says, "There seems to be a lot of girls hanging from things in this."
I replied, "It's the classic damsel in distress storytelling." Then I whispered, "Plus girls never let go of shit."
We both laughed and she gave me permission to share it.

What has eight legs, eight eyes, and weaves a deadly web of poison?

A Fox News "discussion" panel.

Whats a furries favorite news channel?

Fox News

A guy goes into a job interview...

The interviewer tells the interviewee at the end of the interview that if he answers this riddle, he will get the job.

"You have two chickens and a fox you need to get across a river. You can only take one animal in the rowboat at a time. If you leave a chicken alone with the fox the chicken ...

Michael J. Fox asked James Bond to come over for dinner one night.

Being a polite host, he offered Bond a drink when he arrived. "What'll ya have?" he asked.

"I'll have a Martini," Bond replied.

"How do you want it?" Michael J. Fox asked.

"Shaken, not stirred."

"Oh, thank God."