What does the Fox say?

We're canceling all of your favorite shows.

Why can the fox from Dora the Explorer not open his new iPhone?

Because "Swiper no swiping, Swiper no swiping, Swiper no swiping"

A man is walking in the woods when he finds a suitcase.

He opens the suitcase and inside are three foxes.
So he calles emergency services and says

"I just found three foxes in a suitcase. What should I do?"

"Well," the operator said, "Are they moving?"

"I don't know," he said, "But that would explain the suitcase."

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If a rabbit lives in a rabbit hole and fox lives in a foxhole

Does that mean a donkey lives in an asshole?

What's the difference between a fox and a dog?

About 8 pints of larger.

How do you turn a fox into a cow?

You marry her.

There's a family of fox.

The father fox.

The mother fox.

And the baby watches.

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Have you heard the one about the President and the porn star?

No?

You should really watch something other than Fox News.

The Fox Painting

I paid a visit to an art gallery today and saw an exquisite piece of art. It was of a fox. Every stroke on the painting was perfect and every colour was blended together beautifully.

But as I analysed the painting, I noticed that something didn't feel right. As if there was still something m...

The lion decided to invite everyone to his birthday party. But, him being the king, he ordered everybody to bring him meat as a present, or else he will hit them with his massive dong. And soon, the day came and all the animals lined up infront of the lion's cave with their presents.

The Wolf wanted to gift the King lamb, the fox had a chicken, the leopard an antilope, and so on...The lion greeted all of his guests and welcomed them to the party. Suddenly, the rabbit stood infront of him with a carrot. All guests went silent. The lion looked him in the eyes and said: " You know...

What does the fox say when ordering at Starbucks?

Hot tea, hot tea, hot tea, ho!

What do Michael J. Fox and the new guy at the warehouse have in common?

Both have trouble with the fork lift

Fox has just announced they have canceled Empire

I hope Jussie Smollett doesn’t beat himself up over it.

Toby Fox sells almonds and pecans. Because he's a...

**NUTDEALER**

A mouse found a lion and a fox trapped in two different cages.

The lion begged to the mouse to free it and promised not to eat it.

But then the fox said Lion's lion to you.

Amused by the joke the mouse freed the fox instead.

Why doesn’t Micheal J. Fox own an ice cream shop?

He can only sell shakes.

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Two Minute Management Course

Lesson One ...

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.

A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?"

The eagle answered: "Sure, why not."

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a...

Fox Mulder, Dana Scully, and her brother Bill are at Mulder's house party. They all gather around a pizza box with only 3 slices left.

SCULLY: Mulder, there isn't enough for each of us to have two. You'll have to share.

MULDER: I want two. Bill, leave.

"Mom, turn on FOX. I want to hear the news."

You'll have to pick one or the other.

How do you make a fox die?

You make it run across Canada
im sorry

After binge watching CNN, fox, and msnbc - simultaneously - for nearly two days - a man decided he would hang himself in protest of the media's lack of integrity...

Thankfully was unsuccessful. The rope broke.

He probably would be dead right now if not for that fake noose.

Why does Michael J. Fox make really good milkshakes?

Because he’s rich and can afford the best ingredients

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A lion and his wife where sitting around one morning when a fox came by

... and started cursing "Fuck the lion, king of the jungle my ass, fuck this fuck that..." and then ran off, the lioness looks at the lion and says : "aren't you going to do something?!" and the lion said: "Just leave him alone"

The next morning same thing happens, and the lioness asks the li...

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Two soldiers were sitting on the front line in a fox hole

They were both on edge as they knew tonight would be their last night alive. The enemy was swiftly approaching and it was only a matter of time before they were over run.
Soldier 1- “I need to take a shit”
Soldier 2- “dude don’t leave me here”
Soldier 1- “ I cant shit with you here, I get s...

A Banker, a Fox News fan and a welfare recipient are at a table sharing 12 cookies...

The banker takes 11 cookies and says to the Fox News fan: "Watch out for the welfare guy, he wants your cookie!".

I have the eyes of a hawk, the heart of a lion, the ears of a fox

And a lifetime ban from the zoo.

How do you kill a one legged fox? (dark humor)

You make him run halfway across Canada.

James Bond walks into a bar...

James Bond walks into a bar.

Michael J. Fox is the bartender.

James Bond says "I'll have a martini."

He does not need to specify.

Three blondes are walking when they come across tracks. The first blondes says “I know these, they’re deer tracks!” The second says “No! They’re bear tracks” Finally the third speaks up and says “Your both wrong! They’re obviously fox trails!”

They were still arguing when the train hit them.

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Five Minute Management Lesson

Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.

The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.

When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour.

Before she says a word, Bob ...

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A black man, a Muslim, and a Communist walk into a bar...

The bartender says, "Hello, Mr. President!"

Courtesy of my Fox News-watching mom...

Found 4 fox cubs

I called the ISPCA today and said, "I've just found a suitcase in the woods containing a fox and four cubs."

"That's terrible," the woman on the phone replied. "Are they moving?"

"I'm not sure, to be honest," I said, "But that would explain the suitcase."

Me and Michael J Fox have a hand shake...

he must really like it because he keeps practicing it.

Fox News has determined the cause of the recent plane crash.

It was the left wing.

Michael J. Fox

Terrific at making martinis. Terrible at stealing tambourines.

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A rabbit spots a fox rolling a blunt

The rabbit dashes to him and shout : " Don't smoke weed man, just go for a run with me!"

And so they went for a run.

After a running for a bit they spot a squirrel ready to snort up a big fat line of coke.

The rabbit again dashes to him and shouts : "Mate, don't do it! just go f...

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Stranded

So a plane crashes near a deserted island, and the only survivors are Megan Fox and a guy named Bill. So for months, Bill builds her a shelter, catches fish, cooks, and takes care of Megan, while being a perfect gentleman.

So then Megan approaches Bill one night, and they make passionate lov...

I would hate to be Michael J Fox's caretaker when he's old

"You know son, that I once travelled to 1885?" Every damn day

animals are telling each other jokes

Animals are telling each other jokes. They have a rule that if someone tells a joke and everyone will not laugh, they will kill the one who was telling the joke.
First, the Bear tells a very good joke, everyone laughs except the Turtle, so they kill the Bear.
Then, the Fox tells a good jok...

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A sly fox jumps over a impulsive lioness

Once there lived a sly fox in a vast jungle. He knew every nook and corner of the jungle. One day he went to the lion's den and started calling out the lion for a fight.

The fox said,"Come out, you coward lion. I'm gonna carve out your inside with my bare hands". But the lion didn't move an i...

A fox, a wolf and a weasel all go to a restaurant.

The waitress comes over and asks what they want to drink.
"Water" says the Fox,
"Coffee" growls the Wolf,
And "Pop!" Goes the Weasel!

Dear Fox News.....

I have yet to see any news about foxes.

Sincerely, Disappointed viewer.....

[Long] The American Fox Hunt

The US president, wanting to see which of his intelligence agencies was the best, released a fox into a wood and asked various agencies to catch it.

The NSA goes first. They tap the phone lines within the rabbit holes and monitor any internet searches on fox related topics within the wood. Af...

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What did the octopus say to the fox?

"What the fuck are you doing in the ocean?"

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Near the beginning

Angel: *Hey God, you gotta minute?*

God: *What's Zzzupp bobby, my compadre!*

Angel: *Its Jose, but whatever, can we go over your most recent animal submission*

God: *Yeah, but hurry, Fox 911 is about to come on*

Angel: *Ummm ok, 8 legs, mysterious, can be poisonous, eats ...

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After a long winter, a mountain lion, a wolf, and a fox...

After a long winter, a mountain lion, a wolf, and a fox get together and each tells how they spent the winter.

The mountain lion says, "I spent my winter in a pigpen, and each day I ate a pig. The owner counted the pigs, saw that some were missing, and set a trap from which I barely escaped."...

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The Tale Of The Two Ravens

Once upon a time there was a raven sitting on a nice, solid branch of a big oak, allowing the bird to have a great view over the fields beneath him. The raven didn't do much, he was simply sitting on his ass. After some time another raven spotted the solid branch and the first raven and decided to s...

What do you call a fox hole full of stoned soldiers?

A Pot Hole

yes I know it's a head slapper it's so corny!

Fox News' slogan is "Fair and Balanced".

That's it. That's the joke.

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The lion and the fox

A lion and his wife lived in a cave, and everyday there was this fox who would come sit in front of the cave and start making fun of the lion and teasing him: "You call yourself a king? You're nothing but a pussy who's afraid of his own shadow. If you're a real lion come out here and fight me! Oh, y...

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Michael J Fox is the next hollywood star accused of sexual assault.

His victim said "his hands were everywhere"

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Little rabbit opens a public musical toilet in the forest.

The animals are all queuing to try it. First comes the fox.
"What kind of music would you like?", the little rabbit asks.
"Definitely heavy metal", the fox answers.
"2 dollars", says the rabbit and he presses some buttons on the machine. The fox hands over the money, enters the toilet, and ...

I just saw a "Breaking News" link from Fox News come across my Facebook feed

Fully thought it was their new slogan

What do you call Michael J. Fox spinning around in a chair?

A fidget spinner

Why does President Trump only drink liquor made by Fox News?

Everything else is fake booze.

FOX new has saved my legs!

I got into a terridle car crash and and lost the use of my legs. When I was in the hospital, FOX news came on the TV. I got up to change the channel.

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Cringe Airlines

What happens when you combine Fox News, CNN, and a Fleshlight.

You get a plane

The right wing, the left wing, and the cockpit.

Bill O'Reilly not returning to Fox

You can't explain that

Why do Fox News and CNN journalists go to the same gym?

It has a really great spin class.

A guy goes into a job interview...

The interviewer tells the interviewee at the end of the interview that if he answers this riddle, he will get the job.

"You have two chickens and a fox you need to get across a river. You can only take one animal in the rowboat at a time. If you leave a chicken alone with the fox the chicken ...

I thought I saw Michael J Fox in a garden centre the other day

I can’t be sure though, he had his back to the fuchsias.

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