A truck loaded with thousands of copies of Roget's Thesaurus crashed yesterday

A truck loaded with thousands of copies of Roget's Thesaurus crashed yesterday losing its entire load. Witnesses were stunned, startled, aghast, taken aback, stupefied, confused, shocked, rattled, paralyses, dazed, bewildered, mixed up, surprised, awed, dumbfounded, nonplussed, flabbergasted, astou...

How to sound authentically Irish when bewildered, befuddled, confounded, or just generally in a tizzy.

Say this phrase: Whale oil beef hooked.

The failure of my business confounds me.

It just doesn't make cents.

Celebs at the Pearly Gates

Queen Elizabeth II and Dolly Parton are standing at the pearly gates when St. Peter approaches and greets them.

He says "Greetings! It's not often that we have such women of notoriety join us at the same time! However we're swamped today and can only let one of you through, so you're going to...

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An evil black knight and a holy white knight meet on the field of battle

The black knight calls out to his opponent, "behold the power of my sturdy lance and my steed! We will conquer this land and enslave its people on behalf of the dark wizard!"

The white knight responds, "nary have I enountered such a vile and wicked man! The people of this holy land shall rem...

The Fisherman and the Industrialist

One day, around noon, a fisherman is sitting on the docks, smoking his pipe, next to his haul for the day. A wealthy industrialist sees this and is positively confounded.



"Why aren't you out fishing?" demands the industrialist to the fisherman.



"I have caught all the fi...

Here’s the oldest dirty joke I know.

Ethyl and Gladys walk the same route every day, and they stop at the same bench to smoke a cigarette before finishing their walk back to their apartments.

One day, just as they lit their cigarette, it starts to rain. Neither ladies brought umbrellas.

Gladys, the innovator she is, tak...

3 Nuns were involved in a motor accident.

3 Nuns were involved in a motor accident. They died and went to heaven. At st. Peters gate, they were told it wasn't their time to die, so they will be sent back to earth. As a reward for their good earthly deeds they will allowed to go back to earth as whom they want regardless of timeline.
1st ...

Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven.

He is at the Pearly Gates, met by St. Peter himself.
However, the gates are closed and Forrest approaches the Gatekeeper.
St. Peter says, "Well, Forrest, it's certainly good to see you. We have heard a lot about you. I must tell you, though, that the place is filling up fast, and we've been ad...

There was a pope who was greatly loved by all of his followers

He was a man who led with gentleness, faith, and wisdom. His passing was grieved by the entire world.

As the pope approached the Gates of heaven, St Peter greeted him in a firm embrace. "Welcome, Your Holiness. Your dedication and unselfishness in serving your fellow man during your life has...

A man with 12 kids visits his Dr., asking for advice on how to prevent future pregnancies...

“Have you tried condoms?” Asks the Dr.

“I did, and it resulted in 3 kids!” said the man.

“Have you tried birth control?”

“I did! And it resulted in another 3 kids!”

“Have you tried IUD (intrauterine implants)?”

“I did! And it resulted in 3 kids!”

Confounde...

A nun and a bus driver go to heaven.

They are greeted by Peter who checks their records and takes them to their new homes. First Peter takes the bus driver to a great big palace. Next Peter takes the nun to a wooden shack. The nun, confounded about the difference, confronts Peter:

Nun: "I am a woman of faith. How come I only got...

The language of Heaven

(Mind you, I got this joke from a Russian)

A policeman is walking around on patrol when he spots an older gentleman sitting on a bench outside Vladivostok train station. The man on the bench seems to be muttering intensely to himself. Curious, the policeman walks up to him and asks:

"G...

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My go-to joke whenever anybody asks me to tell them a joke...

A man walks into a pet shop and sees a beautiful parrot. He asks the shop owner about it, and the owner says "Ah, that's the Wikibird. Not only can it talk, but it knows a lot of useful information. You can ask it anything you want and it will respond."

The man decides to test out the Wikibir...

The pope arrives in heaven...

After decades of faithful service, the pope finally dies and ascends to heaven where he is greeted at the pearly gates by Saint Peter.

"Welcome! For living such a good life and serving God all these years, you're welcomed to heaven and may go anywhere and see anything your heart desires for ...

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Not very sexually active (NSFW)

An OBGYN walks into the room that her patient has been waiting in. Test results show that the patient is pregnant. However, the patient is unaware of this.

The doctor is surprised and confounded because during the medical questionnaire done earlier that day, the patient stated that she is no...

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The two whales.

In the latter part of the 19th century two whales were swimming along in the sea. Otetiani, a boy whale, and Orenda, a girl whale.

As they swam along they saw in the distance a whaling ship. Upon seeing the ship Orenda became very nervous knowing that the ship meant death for her and Otet...

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