The Absurd Jokes - 9 Hilarious The Absurd Jokes

A Priest, a Pastor, a Rabbi, and a Redditor walk into a bar...

The bartender, seeing the absurd entourage, scoffs and asks "Is this some kind of joke?"

The Redditor corrects him and says, "No actually, it's a repost"

My Irish stepfather was a master story teller. He told the Wembley joke differently than what I've seen online.

Excuse me, is this Wembley?
No it's Thursday.
So am I let's have one.

He paid particular attention to the beat changes in this story. At the end of each line (the beat) he would change voices. Each line was a different voice/character. He told the story as if it was a fast paced con...

This new credit card I applied for allows me to pick the security question they ask me and the answer I give them

So whenever I call them they have to ask me, "What are you wearing?" and I have to answer them, "I don't think that's appropriate!"

Credit: Eugene Mirman from "The Absurd Nightclub Comedy of Eugene Mirman"

A man walks into a butcher shop...

A man walks into a butcher shop and asks if the butcher has any duck meat.

The butcher says of course he does, but can only give it on a special condition.

"You can only get the duck if you stab yourself with a butcher's knife" the butcher tells the man.

The man was confused a...

The son of the great El-Ali

The son of the absurdly rich oil magnate had lived his entire life in extreme prosperity. His father did not want him to be too spoiled. So when the son went to the US for university, he decided that he would be driven by their chauffeur in a Tesla.

After the son had been in the USA for a mon...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Challenge [NSFW]

A man walks into a bar, reaching the counter a sign hangs above the bar stating, “Complete The Challenge and Win Free Alcohol for Life!” Intrigued by this the man asks the bartender what exactly is the challenge. “Well first off you have to drink a gallon of apple cider vinegar, second we keep a gat...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The old painter

A mobster bough a new house in the suburbs and wanted to re-paint the fence.He called a local painter. The painter was 70yo guy. He took one look at the mobster and thought "This guy surely is dumb - I will ask him for triple the normal price" and so he did.The mobster who was not as dumb as he look...

The adventures of Farty Bart

Bart was a regular fellow, quite charming actually. But he farted often than most.

Bart has obatined that sweet sweet yes from the girl of his dream, they agreed to a date on his now girlfriend's house.

They were eating, chatting, laughing, until he had the sudden urge to fart....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Cunning old bitch

So there was an old lady who entered the First National Bank of Perth one day with a big suit case. She approached the front counter.

"I'd like to speak to the manager please" she asked.

The cashier attempted to help her but she insisted. So the cashier went and got the manager.
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